The Never-ending Story Thread

[Krig the Viking]

(NSP: Woohoo! Krig has stolen the 500th post on this story too! Hahaha!)

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Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Highemperor of the Force]

Yeah, well, I've gotten the 501st!

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The metaphysical nature of this energy field commonly known as "the Force" is such that it is galactically pervasive, but the potential of becoming omnipervasive, or even modopotent.

[Semievil333]

Whohoo! 1 post away from SoD!!!
B.U.M.P.
Benevolent Upward Mobility Post!! whohoo!

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Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

[MaybeChild]

Meanwhile, back at the temple...

Maybe/Leia: *looks at Geb/Han* Uh, does this mean I have to eventually kiss you, you Nerf-herder?

Geb/Han: *studly voice* Well, now that you mention it. . .

Maybe/Leia: What? I can't hear you through my hair. . .

Geb/Han nods his head exaggeratedly, with a huge $h!t-faced grin.

Maybe/Leia: Ack! I'd just as soon kiss a wookie!

Krig/Chewie jumps on Maybe/Leia and lays a big wet one right on her lips.

Maybe/Leia: GAAHHH!!! I TAKE IT BACK!!!! *sputter, cough, sputter sputter*

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"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

[This message has been edited by MaybeChild (edited October 17, 2000).]

[Rogue Leader]

Hmmm, I'd read the rest of the story, but somehow I don't think I'd have any idea what was going on anyway...

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[Viper45]

I would read it too, but its a lot..... well....

nm

[Semievil333]

HAH! It is now official! We have surpassed SoD!
And I feel like such a looser posting at 4:05 in the morning when I have to get up at 6, but I can't sleep! <sob> I go try again now.

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Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

[Krig the Viking]

*Sem settles down into the cockpit of an X-wing in the deserted hanger of the Massassi Temple.*

Sem/Luke:"Where is everybody?"

Geb/Han:"They all took off to blow up the Death Star, remember?"

Sem/Luke:"Oh, right."

Maybe/Leia:"Too bad there was only this pile o' junk left..."

*The camera pans back to show a practically falling apart X-Wing. In the background, Krig and Ante are trying to shove Otter into the little droid socket of the X-Wing.*

Sem/Luke:"Hey, guys, are you sure this thing's even got life support?"

Geb/Han, uncomfortably:"Uhhhh, yeah, I checked it out myself!"

Sem/Luke:"Ok, if you say so!"

Geb/Han:"Ok, everybody get clear! Sem--er, Luke, you're clear to lift off!"

*Everybody backs off and stands looking at the X-Wing. Faint moans come from the droid socket, where Otter's legs are the only part of him visible. The x-wing continues to sit on the ground.*

Geb/Han:"Maybe it needs gas..."

What will happen now? What will happen now? What will happen now? What will happen now?

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Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Semievil333]

Sem gets out of the X-wing and stands in front of it.
Sem, to X-wing: "You will start your engine NOW!!!!!!"
Ending the word 'now' in an earthshattering roar, Sem stands back as the engine promptly starts right up..... and the rest of the X-wing simply falls apart from the force of the sound. All the others are laying flat on the ground, thier heads pointed directly away from the blast center.
Maybe: "You know, I'm thinkin.... that roar of yours is a useful skill.... but mebbe it just needs to be used more in it's place.... I mean.... it's good... but devastating."
Krig, getting up: "Just say it, it sucks!"
Sem bellows at Krig, knocking him back down
Krig: "But it sucks in a good way!"
Dark makes a gesture with his hand, and gets up.
Sem begins to roar again, but this time goes into a coughing fit instead. Becoming frustrated he takes 2 empty fuel canisters and begins bashing them together to make noise.

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Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

[This message has been edited by Semievil333 (edited October 19, 2000).]

[Gebohq]

NSP: Um...didn't the death star blow up b/c of the mirror-reflection of lazer beam thing? Perhaps someone can tell em whene death star numero two-oh came in?

[Semievil333]

It didn't blow up, only it blew up it's own laser

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Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

[Gebohq]

Sem: (in midst of rebuilding X-Wing) Almost finished....there! Ain't she a ba-yout?

*The X-wing, now entirly covered in duct tape, stood in all its glory.*

Geb: Um, not that duct tape isn't teh solution to all problems, but you sure that thing is safe to fly? Not that I care or anything. After all, you're the one flying it.

Sem: Sure it is! Just needs a bit of pick-up and some weapons and she's ready to blow up anything.

Maybe: How about this? (holds up a bubble gun)

Ante: Now's not the time for your passafism Maybe--er, Princess Leia.

Maybe: Hey! I think it could be used as a darn good weapon if ya put your head to it. Besides, you see anythign else here that you could use?

Otter: *trying to draw attention to himself from the X-wing* oh-oh! I can make fireballs from my hands!

Maybe: Hush, I didn't ask you.

Otter: sorry ma'am...

Maybe: That's better. *attaches bubble gun to duct tapeed X-wing* There. Now go up there and blow up the death star. And try to have it blow up around...uhh...9:35 tonight. It'll make a good fireworks show for the kids.

Sem: *grumble* "Blow it up at 9:35" she says. "gotta do it for the kids" she says...

*Maybe proceeds to bap Sem on the head, as Sem promtly crawls into the X-wing for lift-off. As Sem flies away, Geb snaps his fingers, remembering something*

Geb: I knew I forgot something! The Falcon should be here! Let's jump in everyone!

Ante: Man, I'd hate to be Sem right now...

*Meanwhile, in space, Sem/Luke is surrounded by thousands of TIE fighters*

Sem: Eep!

Oh dear! Will our heroes survive the climax of Star Wars? Only the next post will tell!...or maybe it won't and you'll never find out! Bwahahahahahahaha....haha...ha...ha..heh...eh.

[Semievil333]

(NSP) Bubble gum? Ok, I can't think of anything.... Dark?

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Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

[Krig the Viking]

*Sem yanked back on the control stick, and his duct-tape covered x-wing snapped into a vertical climb. Three blasts from the TIEs punctured the vaccuum where he had been, milimeters from his exhaust ports.*

Random TIE pilot:"There's no way an x-wing should be able to do that!"

*Reaching the top of it's climb, Sem's shiny silver x-wing's tail end whipped up, leaving the nose pointing directly down at the group of x-wings.*

Sem/Luke:"Engaging S-foils..."

*The duct tape covered S-foils flipped open with impossible speed. Sem fired off a few quick blasts, and began his dive towards the TIEs."

Sem/Luke:"Didn't realize that duct tape would actually improve the x-wing's handling... although now that I think about it, I should have!"

Otter/R2:"Beep beep beeeep!"

Sem/Luke:"What do you mean? You're a droid, you don't have to breath!"

Otter/R2:"Bwarrrp wonk weeble!"

Sem/Luke:"Oh, right... just hold your breath then!"

Otter/R2:"Beep."

*Just then, a TIE swoops by and blows Otter's head off.*

Otter/R2:"WAAAAAAAAAAOWWWWWW!"

Sem/Luke:"Don't worry Artoo, bacta fixes all!"

*Sem engages his afterburners and speeds towards the looming Death Star."

* * *
*Meanwhile, in the Millenium Falcon..."

Geb/Han, patting pockets:"Uhhh... anybody know where the keys are?"

Will Otter survive? Will Geb not get off the ground and therefore not get to the Death Star and therefore not be able to save Sem from Darth Vader? Probably not...

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Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Gebohq]

B.U.M.P.

Oh no, now even Gebohq has begun to use the dreaded B.U.M.P.! Will this neverending story finally die? Will Geb ever stop asking "will the neverending story die?" every time it slows down? Unfortunately for you, the answer is probably no, so tune in to the next post, where more unoriginal and unentertaining action takes place! ...Hey, I don't like how my boss is giving me that death look right now...

[Antestarr]

*Ante/C3PO, deciding he no longer wanted to search for the keys, decided to make the others a bit more... uh... motivated.*

Ante: Thats it. Now it's my turn to sing. This one is called "Blurry Eyes", originally performed by L'Arc en Ceil for the intro to DNA^2.

*Guitars and drums start up in the background*

Ante: To o ku no kaze wo mini matou
Anata ni wa todoka nai
Mata shisen ha dokoka mado no mukou
Kawaranai yokan wa tsuzuite iru
Ano hibi sa e kumotte shimau
Meguri kuru toki ni yakusoku o ubaware sou
Kono ryoute sashinobetemo kokoro wa hana te
Meguri kuru toki ni taisetsu na hito wa mou
Furimuita sono hitomi ni chiisana tameiki

*In a panic at the sound of the Japanese language so easily rolling off the lips (vocal hardware?) of Ante, the others frantically search for the keys. Gebohq finally finds them strategically hidden behind the sunshade.*

Geb: OK, OK! You can stop now.

Ante: Fine then. Just be happy I didn't break out into "The Edge of Soul".

[Gebohq]

Sem: I'm going in!

*Sem's duct-tape X-wing zooms down teh classic death star trench run, waiting to reach the distance needed to teh target. While doing so, r2/theOtter was taking a bacta bath in teh back. Unfortunately for tehm, Dart Wader was closing in on them from behind, flying his TIE fighter closely behind.*

Dart Wader: I hawe yo noo!

Sem: EEP! Time to shoot my weapons!

*Sem pulls teh triggers, and many pretty bubbes fly delicately from his wings, only to float and pop on teh windshield of Wader's TIE fighter.*

Sem: Thees ees NOT good...

*Meanwhile, the Falcon finally takes off, heading towards teh Death Star.*

Geb: Do I want to know what that song you sang translates to Ante--er, threepio?

Ante/threepio: Probably not....um, sir.

Geb: *in melodramatic fashion* then let's save teh Rebellion!

Maybe: oh brother, there he goes with his bad acting...

(NSP: I personally think we should have a saber battle...somehow. Then who knows from here)

[Antestarr]

*NSP: Geb, you of all people should know how to do a saber battle here. Come on, I've subjected you to "Thumb Wars" before...*

[Semievil333]

The camera follows one of the rainbowish bubbles down to the surface of the deathstar, near the trench, where lies, the little known deathstar orchestra pit, which was to be the secondary target in the first movie in the event that the trench run went over time.
Standing before a magnificent 150 piece orchestra, hair shocked into a wild frenzy of bubble-soap spikes and twists, is Ares clone!
As our fateful little bubble pops into his hair, he calls the orchestra to attention and begins a powerful rendition of "Flight of the Valkerie" to bring on.....
(camera pans dramatically skyward)
..... Bernard! yes! our faithful little model bird has returned with a great fleet of space-pidgeons.

Dart: "Ahh!! de boids!!! de boids!!!!!"

The fleet of model birds forces Darts TIE down to the surface of the Death Star, where soon after Sem lands dramatically.

Dart, getting out of his ship: "Aww cwat! De pant on de skenewy is stiww wet! An dees wewe good ewil bwoots toow!"

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Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

[Gebohq]

(NS: Oh I know HOW to post a saber battle, I just didn't feel like it. The laziness is STRONG within me)

*On the Death Star surface, nearby their ships, Dart Wader and Sem ignite their lightsabers, Sem's shining a blue color similar to Luke' and Dart's glowing a psycadelic rainbow color*

Dart: De fworce is sta-wong wit ye-u. Now oose yur engar and-a stwike me down!

Sem: What?

Dart: Ei seid, De fworce is sta-wong wit ye-u. Now oose yur engar and-a stwike me down!

Sem: WHAT? I can't understand a word you're saying!

Dart: Stoopwid nomskwall, Ei wam spweaking pwefect En-gwish--er--Baiswic Ei mwean.

Sem: My ears are hurting...

*Meanwhile, in the Falcon...*

Geb: I can fly this thing! Let go!
Maybe: No you can't! You've had too much to drink! Give me the controls.
Krig: Mwargh!
Ante: I should be flying here--

*As teh group was fighting for teh controls, the Falcon made a crash landing right next to the saber battle.*

All I have to say is I have no idea where this is going? Would anybody care to tell me?

(NSP: And I'm STILL too lazy to do a saber battle! Hehe)

[Krig the Viking]

Surprisingly, Maybe/Leia is the first one in the Falcon to regain conciousness. She jumps out of the broken windshield (spaceshield?)and spots Dart Wader about to engage in deadly lightsabre combat with Sem/Luke.

After breifly wondering why Darth Vader has become a wimp with a speech impediment, Maybe runs towards Dart Wader.

Maybe/Leia:"Daddy! Don't kill my brother!"

Dart Wader:"Whuh?"

Maybe/Leia:"Oh, yeah, this is only Episode 4! You don't know that Leia's your daughter!"

Sem/Luke:"Actually, according to several extra-movie sources, Darth Vader did know that Leia was his daughter, and had known for a long time."

Maybe/Leia:"You're crazy! Darth Vader didn't even know he had a daughter throughout all six movies!"

Sem/Luke:*leaning on his lightsabre* "Are you blind to the facts? Vader had to know! Consider the statement he made right after--"

*Dart Wader flails wildly at Sem, and although Sem is standing still, he misses by two feet.*

*Meanwhile, in the Falcon, Krig wakes up and hops out of the windshield. The others begin awakening as well.*

Will our intrepid heroes conquer their foes? And how will they do it? No-one but God knows, and he only knows 'cause he can see the future...

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Oft evil will does evil mar.

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited November 02, 2000).]

[Gebohq]

Sem: What I need right now is a stiff drink.

Maybe: But you're about to enter a serious saber battle, and you have to drive yourself home afterwards!

Sem: *grumble* And then I'd die and go to purgatory *flash ad for purgatory level here* I suppose.

Maybe: Um..right. Shouldn't you be fighting right now?

Sem: Oh yeah...

*As Sem engages his battle with Dart Wader, Maybe turns towards Semievil again.*

Maybe: And don't think I'm finished talking about the Star Wars paradoxes just because you got into a fight now, ya hear?

[Antestarr]

*Translation Notes*
Since the previous post by premier writer Antestarr contained romanization of Japanese lyrics to a song, the editors of the Never-Ending Story have decided it prudent that everybody know what on earth the poor boy was singing about.

"Born on a wind from far away
As many times as I say these words
They never reach your heart
My eyes are still stareing
Somewhere through the window
This foreboding hasn't changed, I still feel it
Those sweet days are becoming blurry
I feel the changing season
Will see my promise broken
Even if I extend my hand...
My heart will stay distant
In the changing season
The one in my heart has already
You looked as if you sighed
When I looked in your eyes."

This has been a public service announcement for "People Who Want Americans to Absorb More Japanese Culture".

[This message has been edited by Antestarr (edited November 06, 2000).]

[Gebohq]

Hey! Wake up!

*audience members grumble as they wake up*

You too!

*writers grumble as they wake up*

(NSP: I will try to post again too, but I hoep teh rest of you will jump the gun http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif Thanks)

[Krig the Viking]

(Bwah! *Krig the writer shudders and wakes up*)

Krig, standing on the surface of the Death Star, suddenly realizes that the Death Star has no atmosphere, and that he and his friends are standing on it, and that Dart Wader is the only one who's head shouldn't have exploded by now.

Krig quickly runs back to the Millenium Falcon, and gets some oxygen masks, and hands them out to everybody, except Dart Wader, who doesn't need it.

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Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Randy]

*Meanwhile, on a distant planet, an sinister plan takes shape...*

*A dark, fuzzy (and short) presence enters the room. Shrouded with evil, its eyes glow a brilliant, firey red.*

Burby 00: Yes... Yes, all goes according to plan. Soon I, with my supirior AI, shall rule the UNIVERSE!!! <insert sinister laughter here>

*Camera pan to a titanic machine in the process of churning out hundreds of Burbys, all of which have a similar look in their demonic eyes.*

*Note: replace the "B" in Burby with an "F" to get an idea on what "evil" awaits our intrepid heros/heroins...*

*Meanwhile (that word again... hmmm....) several parsecs away a lone X-wing glides through the emptyness of the Liger sector...*

Lt. Randy: Now, explain to me once again WHY I'm out here apparently doing nothing.

Gen. Chaos: We recieved several *^&$ reports about *#%^@ a ^$@#% number of &$^%@ ships dissappearing in the %^&# sector.

<Fade to black>
<Fade in>

The Announcer: General Chaos has a mental ailment causeing him to blurt out obsenities at random, esspecially when excited. Please excuse the inconvinence.

*And now back to the show*
<Wipe in to Randy in his X-wing>

Lt. Randy: Whatever you say Sir... I guess.

* Randy notices Enchilada Man's ship whiz past and smack into a convinently placed asteroid. *

Lt. Randy: Poor fool... heh... wait, what's that? < sensor screen blinks > Sir? I'm getting some strange readings from quadrant 23246. Should I investigate?

Gen. Chaos: &$^@#, stay $&@^ing right ^%&#^ing there. I'll &%^# send Major Payne and Sgt. Slaughter to give #&%# you #&%#$*@*#%(#$%&@(#&%(#@<gasp>@#&%!@#%!* assist-@#%&#-ance.

Lt. Randy: Uhhhh... Yes Sir, though I will move closer to get better readings on this disturbance.

Gen. Chaos: Good *#^$# man... General #&$*# out...

*Camera pans off to the planet as Randy's X-wing vectors off*

*Back on the planet...*

Burby 00: I have become Death, destroyer of worlds... Arise my children of the dark night, the day of reckoning is at hand.
<Sinister laughter>

*Just then, thousands of Burbys come online and begin chanting "Naytay Koh"*

Burby 00: Bwahahahahahahaha...

*A dark and, needless to say, sinister mist swirls up from the platform the dark one is perched upon just as an organ begins to play some, well, sinister music.*

* 00 approches a tape player and clicks it off thus ending the music*

Burby 00: Curse this wretched form for its lack of proper hand. GGRRRRRAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
CURSE YOU FATHER!!!! CURSE YOUUUUU!!!!!

<zip pan to Gen. Chaos>

Gen. Chaos: @*#%^#@ you #%*#$%*$ father, I #$%^#$& on your $*#$%* #$%*&$ 3 #^%#$*& times!!! Yeah, you #%*$#$& monkey $*#$&%!!! Bwahahah..#%*&@...ahahahah...@&*%@...ahaha!!!

<zip pan back to 00>

Burby 00: Yeah, what he said http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif Where was I?
Oh yes, CURSE YOUUUUUUU!!!!!

*Thunder rolls and lighting flashes, casting light upon a shattered picture frame containing a picture of Bill Clinton labeled "Mother"... (oops wrong picture) <zip pan to another smilarly shattered picture> ...of an elderly gentleman labeled Dr. Tigger: Liger electronics president.*

<Will our heros be able to stop this err... mad ... TOY in time? Will Gen. Chaos get counciling? Will Encilada Man be obliterated on the jagged rock below? Tune in next time for "Furry Fiasco" or "Curses, foiled again"...>

[This message has been edited by Randy (edited November 10, 2000).]

[Antestarr]

*Meanwhile, back in the alternate dimension where the writing takes place, Antestarr, the writer surmises his current state of affairs...*

Ante *looking in mirror*: Wha...? What's going on here? I could have sworn I was just upstairs hanging ou... er... drinking five min... hours ago. *strokes face* Hmm... there's hair there now... I can either shave or go out and pretend to be 21... *splashes water on self* WHAT AM I THINKING?! I have responsibilities to all my friends! I have to continue these brilliant stories so that people can continue their enjoyment! I have to find retribution for my lost shaker of salt! I have to... aw, screw it. I'm going to bed.

*With that, Ante left the dilapidated bathroom of the colle... er... remote living area for authors. (*riiiiiight*) Suddenly realizing that his room had no space for him. This could prove problematic*

Ante: Hmm.... now to find a place to crash for the night............

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Hey, another writer! yay! I and all the others welcome you. *outside voice: run while you still can!* Hush you! Anyways, time for my post I suppose...)

*As the other writers sit around their TV made in the 80's (with the remote attached to the TV that had a knob on it, or rather, would have one if it wasn't any other than the holy hand remote, lost within TV land itself...oh right, back to the story and off the tangent)

*clears thoat* As I was saying, as the other writers sat around the TV, thinking of a way to take back control of the story, a paradox within itself, for several reasons, most importantly that they would be too lazy to think of ideas for the story, and also...oops, trailing off again. AS they were sitting-around-the-TV trying to-think-of-a-way-to-get-the-remote-back *deep breath*, Antestarr walked out of the bathroom and started heading for the door.*

Geb the writer: Hey Ante, whereya goin'?

Ante the writer: *mumbling* Responsibilities...screw...*trails off*

Geb the writer: Uh..ok then. Don't be too long. *turns to the other writers* So what are we all gonna do then? Got any ideas, uhh... *forgets his name* ..new guy?

New guy: Charge in with both barrels a'blastin'?

Geb the writer: Tried that already. We just ended up upsetting the neighbors and hurting our heads on the walls.

New guy: Oh...

*Meanwhil-est, back at the bat cave--er, battle scene on the Death Star...*

Maybe: *gasping for air* I can't believe I almost died out there.

Ante: I'm still wondering how we survived so long out there.

Geb: In the realm of comedy, such cartoon effects come in handy.

Ante: Ah, that's nice to know. Does that mean I have a giant shvowstoohkar?

Maybe: I'd rather not find out thank-you-very-much!

Krig: Krig worry about Semi

Geb: Oh crap! Sem's out there, and with no protection!

Ante: Should we be worried? I didn't see any whores out there.

Otter: Oh! No need to worry guys, look!

*As the group stared outside the cockpit--*

Random angry censor-woman: Honestly! First all those obscene jokes and now you had to mention the cockpit!

Um...what would you call it?

Censor woman: Well, I don't know..but--

Someone has a dirty mind...

*The censor woman discreetly walks off screen.*

*Anyways, as the group looked outside the windshield of the Millenium Falcon, they saw Dart Wader standing with his psychadelic lightsaber ready and his lampshade firmly placed on his head. Next to him, they saw Semievil's figure, covered in glorious duct tape, looking like some futuristic knight. And they also saw Losien running to him, clad in a tight, sexy spacesuit.*

Losien: Oh, it's my knight in shining armor!

Sem: Fool! Don't get any close--

*Dart Wader, as if remembering a cue, grabs Losien as she runs past him.*

Dart: Hahaha! Now yeu muhst nwot hawrm me, or welse she whill get it!

Sem: Aww man! You're no fun! I wanted a saber fight too!

*Sem, in fustration, deactivates his lightsaber and tosses it carelessly. The lightsaber handle hits a lever a short distance away, with a label on it marked "open". As the lever was switched, the floor beneath Sem, Dart Wader, Losien, and teh Millenuim Falcon dropped below them.*

Sem: Oopsie.

*Everybody falls into the inky blackness, and all that is heard is a fading "Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaap"*

Where will they find themselves in when they reach the bottom? Death, another strange and unusual place, or perhaps a commercial ad? Who knows (guess you figured that much already), so stay tuned then! Please?

[Krig the Viking]

*The heroes fall into the inky blackness for what seems an eternity.*

Geb:"What's that up ahead-er-below? It looks like... it is! The Holy Hand Remote! We've found it! Now we can get out of here!"

*Ante reaches out to grab remote as it get closer*

Ante:"I got it... I got it... I got..."

*The heroes whip past the Holy Hand Remote, leaving it floating somewhere inside the Death Star*

Ante:"Dang, I missed..."

Losien in tight sexy spacesuit:"How long is this dark, inky pit?"

***CRASH***

*The heroes and Dart Wader are in a big pile. Losien sits on top, unharmed.*

Everybody:"Owww...."

Losien, looking upwards:"Uh-oh..."

*Losien jumps off of the pile of human and semi-human bodies, just in time to avoid the plummeting Millenium Falcon*

Ooh, that's gotta hoit! Tune in next time when our heroes find out where they are, and what they're doing there, and who opened the doors to this pit, and why they haven't died yet, and what the sinister plan involving the Furb--er--Burbies is!

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Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Randy]

<zip pan to Burby 00 standing in front of a large computer>

Burby 00: I MUST locate the approprate control mechanism to complete my Sparticus.

<Sinister misic plays as the camera zooms out to reveal a massive mechanized powersuit approx. 100 meters tall, there is a pause as the camera moves about the behemoth, displaying its advanced weaponry and inpenatrable armor. Camera fades to 00 sitting in front of the computer again...>

Burby 00: Computer, locate the most powerfull control mechanism that I would require.

<The computer replies in a sexy, female computer voice>

SCA(Sexy Computer Assistant): Sir, I have located the required device 12 parsecs from our current location... Displaying specifications on Holy Hand Remote.

<Display specifications... in Japanese, of course http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif >

Burby 00: Yes, excellent. Baby..err..Computer, plot shortest course to the remotes location.

SCA: Compliance...

Burby 00: oohhh... I get goose bumps when she says that. http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

<Camera wipes to a scene of a gigantic vessle lifting from the planet and arching into space.>

Lt. Randy: WHOAH!!!! SHOOT!!! General, are you getting that?

Gen. Chaos: @#*%^@ boy, #$*%* that ain't no @#*#$% freighter.

Lt. Randy: What ever it is, I've gotta follow it and find out what the heck it's doing.

Gen. Chaos: @#*%& boy, you %*#@^& not going #*%*@#ing after that #&@#*^% cruiser with out some @#*&%* #@*^%@@# fire supp-#*%@-ort.

Lt. Randy: No Sir, I have to stop it before it kills civilians...out.

<Camera goes to 00>

Burby 00: Set course

Baby 33: Iye Sir!

Burby 00: Initiate jump on my mark........MARK!

<Burby ship flashes into hyperspace>

Lt. Randy: TenFour, plot that things exit vector and set course.

TenFour(Randy's R2 unit): *eep* *boop* *brrrit* *bee-boop*

<Randy's Xwing streaks into hyperspace>

(Will our heros be able to stop this menace? Will they retrieve the coveted Holy Hand Remote? Who the heck is this Sparticus guy anyway? How did Maybe survive the fall? Why does buttered toast land butter side down, ALWAYS!! These and more questions will be asked in our next episode, same bat time, same bat channel...)

(NSP: Writer Randy, looks around at all the other writers as they look at him rather quizzically.

Randy: What did I do this time?

All:....

Randy: What?

All:....

Randy: AHHHHHRRRGGGG!!!! THE SILENCE IS DEAFENING!!!! AHHHHHRRRRRR!!!!!!

*Randy runs around the room and out of the window*

*Randy comes back through the door, covered in a green, slimy substance*

Randy: Well, fortunatly the International JelloDex was in town and that I landed in 300 metric tons of Lime Jello. Excuse me.

*Randy proceeds to the bathroom*


[This message has been edited by Randy (edited November 12, 2000).]

[Krig the Viking]

(Hmmm, more blood--er--another writer! And he's done his research, too! He knows of the Enchilada Man...)

*At the bottom of the endless pit, Krig, Gebohq, and Antestar are the first ones to crawl out from under the Millenium Falcon. They stand up and brush themselves off, and see Losien standing there in here tight sexy spacesuit*

Krig:"Krig not like new place. Krig think we in bad trouble."

Geb:"Hmm, this must be the bottom of the endless shaft..."

Ante:"Shaft?"

Geb:"No, not Shaft the Man, the Endless Shaft. You know, the one that the Emperor falls into at the end of ROTJ?"

Ante:"Isn't that in the second Death Star?"

Dart Wader:"Hmmm, anowther Deat Star, why didn't I tink of dat?"

Geb:"Maybe this is the pit that Luke swings over, then..."

*Sem crawls out from under the Millenium Falcon, along with Otter and Maybe (and anybody else that happened to be there)*

Sem:"Ow, my head..."

*Meanwhile, a giant vessel bursts out of hyperspace right above the Death Star. Behind it, Lt. Randy's x-wing also bursts out of hyperspace, almost ramming into the Back End of the Big Giant Ship*

What will happen to our intrepid troubadors? And what will happen to that Rebellious Rapscallion, Lt. Randy? Now that there's two villians, no, wait, three villians, which one will turn out to be most powerful? Will it be Dart Wader, former Dark Lord of the Sith turned bumbling idiot; or Burby 00, unspeakable horror from far away; or will it be Darkside, the ultimate power of darkness currently inhabiting SemiEvil's body? Only time will tell...

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited November 13, 2000).]

[Randy]

Lt. Randy: Coming out of hyperspace in 5..4..3..2..1...

* Randy's X-wing plunges back into real space only for him to find that he is about to auger into the tail of the Burby vessle*

Lt. Randy: AHHHHH!!!! BREAKING HARD STARBOARD!!!

TenFour: *RRREEEEEOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!*

* Randy wrenches the control yoke to the right in an attempt to save himself only to clip the massive battle cruiser and spin off to the battle station below *

Lt. Randy: Lateral stabilizers jammed, shield system failing, hull at 46%, ejection system failure...this does not look good. Wait, what's that!?! That can't be! The Death Star? Well this makes my day just that much sweeter.

* Randy's X-wing plumets toward the titanic spheroid and into a conveniently places hole in the side. *

TenFour: *beep* *boo* *brrt*

Lt. Randy: I see it, life form readings...now what would they be doing here? Well, at least I'll have some company when I go.

TenFour: *breet* *sputer* *BREEP*!

Lt. Randy: No, I didn't forget you. http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

*Meanwhile, at the base of the pit...*

Krig: Oooohhhhh!!!

Geb: What are you staring at Krig?

Krig: Krig see pretty light! http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

Ante: Where?

Krig: There. (Krig poins toward a light that proceeds to get bigger and brighter and bigger and brighter and...)

Geb: INCOMING, HIT THE DECK!!!

* Geb drags Krig to the ground as our heros dive for cover, mostly under the Millenium Falcon...everyone, that is, except Dart Wader, who has yet to realize the impending peril. Back on the X-wing...*

TenFour: *Beeboo*

Lt. Randy: Great, you got the ejection system working! Let's punch out!

* Randy and TenFour rocket free from the doomed starfighter only seconds from inpact... *

Dart Wader: I tee day brite lite...oooooohhhhh....

* Just then the X-wing slams into Dart ignighting the fusion fuel and proton warheads within the craft, triggering a massive explosion *

Dart: Owchie!

< Will this be the end of one of the evil forces? Did our heroes survive the hellish detonation? Was Dart wearing clean underware like his mommy told him to? These and more on our next episode of The Neverending Story Thread...(copied)! >

[Semievil333]

NSP:

fact:
Toast always lands butter-side down.
fact:
Cats always land on thier feet.
proposal:
Take a slice of toast, and strap it, butter side up, to the back of a cat. When dropped, the cat will stop and hover a few centimeters from the ground. With such a cat-toast levatation device, a high-speed monorail could easily link Californial and Japan, allowing a much more efficient means of shipping.

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

[Krig the Viking]

(NSP: Methinks Randy has the best writing in of himself to date. http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif)

(Sem: ROFL!)

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Semievil333]

(NSP: amen, 'specially his rendition of dart wader)

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

[Krig the Viking]

*As the camera fades in, Krig the Viking, Gebohq, Semievil, Losien, Randy, and the rest, rocket past the screen, away from the massive explosion that had been the Death Star. Apparently, Randy's x-wing had been a little more volatile than he'd previously thought...*

Krig (as he whips by):"...aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHhh..."

*Everybody slams into the hull of the Big Giant Ship*

Geb:"Uh, guys, I think we'd better get to some oxygen... we're kinda running out!"

Randy:"Need... *gasp*... oxygen... *wheeze*"

Krig:"Urgh, Krig think New Guy need oxygen mask."

*Randy nods his head rapidly*

Krig:"Yip."

*Krig looks around*

Krig:"What? You not have mine!"

*Krig pulls his oxygen mask away from Randy*

Ante:"Hey, here's an airlock! And a doorknob on the outside of it! And it's not locked! How conveinient!"

*Everybody crams into airlock. The outside door closes, and the inside one opens. Everybody piles out of the airlock, into a deserted corridor*

Losien:"Hey, where's the new guy?"

*Outside...*

Randy:"Open... *gasp*... airlock... *wheeze*... pleeeeeeease..."

*Geb quickly reopens airlock and lets Randy in*

Randy:"Thank... *gasp gasp*... you..."

What will happen now? Will our heroes overcome whatever obstacles are thrown up against them? Will the Star Wars universe rapidly deteriorate because of the death of Darth Vader-er-Wader before the fifth and sixth movies? I think so! Do you? Bwa ha ha ha!

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Gebohq]

Geb: ...And we were so close to getting the Holy Hand remote too...

Krig: Krig see shiny object. Look.

*Krig points outside a window, where everybody sees the Holy Hand remote floating pass.*

Geb: FOLLOW IT!

(NSP: Sorry this is so short, but I have something in mind, so if you would all be so kind as to wait until at least Sunday before jumping with a post of your own. Only Semievil and/or Maybechild should post, because they might be posting for me. Thank you. And does anybody else think that Dart Wader was Darth Vader's stunt double and that only Wader made all the stupid mistakes? Something to think about...)

[Krig the Viking]

(YES, Dart Wader should only Darth Vader's stunt double. By this point in the movie Vader's already in his TIE, so he's still alive, too!)




------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Randy]

<NSP: Those who have played an RPG will prolly recognize this. http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif (Don't worry Geb, I'm not introducing anything new, pretty much just a "recap" on the past action-packed posts...)>

<Camera pans back as our heros/heroins morph into small pewter figuines of themselves on a hand-drawn game map...>

Game Master: *roll roll roll* Hmmm... Ok, Randy your X-wing does enough damage to blow up the Death Star.

Randy: WoooHooo!!!

Geb: Umm, Randy...that's bad. We are still ON the Death Star!!

Randy: Oh... Sorry

Sem: <sigh>

Krig: So, what happens next?

Game Master: Hmmm... *roll roll roll* ... *roll roll roll* ..?..!..*roll roll roll*...Ok, you all fly out into space. Randy, you came up a bit short on the stamina roll so you really need oxygen, SOON. http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif The rest beat the roll easily. http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Geb:"Uh, guys, I think we'd better get to some oxygen... we're kinda running out!"

Randy: Need oxygen!!

Krig:"Urgh, Krig think New Guy need oxygen mask."

Randy: No, ya think?!?

Krig: I'm going to look for something for Randy.

Game Master: 10 seconds Randy. *roll roll* Krig, you see nothing but space...and the ship, of course. http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

Randy: Well, since I don't have a mask I guess I'll "borrow" Krigs mask.

Krig: No your not!

GM: *roll roll roll* Krig prevents you from taking the mask Randy, 6 seconds left.

Ante: Do I see ANYTHING of use?!?

GM: *roll roll roll*...hmmm...(consults game manual)...*roll* Yes, you spy a near-by airlock, it has a...*roll* knob on the..*roll*..outside and is..*roll roll*..oooohhh 8O ..*roll*..unlocked.

Ante: All Right, lets get inside!

GM: *roll roll roll*..Ok everyone(aside to Randy: except you) gets inside the ship.

Losien: I'm going to check to see if everyone is here.

GM: hmmm...*roll roll*...You notice that Randy is still outside with very little oxygen left.

Geb: I'll let him in.

Randy: Thanks guys and girls.

Geb: So what happened to the Holy Hand Remote?

GM: *roll roll* Krig sees it out the window.

Krig: ooohhh!! http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Geb: FOLLOW IT!! http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

< and so, the endless RPG continues...>

[This message has been edited by Randy (edited November 20, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Randy (edited November 20, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Randy (edited November 20, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Randy (edited November 20, 2000).]

[Antestarr]

*Ante takes the heroin from the last post and sells it for a tidy sum. He then proceeds to replace it with "heroines".*

[RabidPlatypus]

So then, he released a large particle of gas from his gluteus maximus

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Eh...nevermind about my future post, cuz it aint' coming. Sorry. Whoever does do the next post shoudl include the following though: finishing the Star Wars movie the "right way", getting the remote at somepoint soon, therefore teh writers get control back, and the fighters get zapped into a cat/buttter bread train that takes them to (fill in later--if I can't think of it when you get to it, use your imagination http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif hehe). Thanks, and yes, I will continue posting, but I really only have time for short posts, sorry all. And Randy, that was funny http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif But who is the gamemaster? Randy the writer, some other established charatcer, or someone entirely new? The world may never know...)

[Krig the Viking]

*Everybody stands next to window, faces pressed against the glass. The camera pans around outside, looking in. Everyone's faces are all deformed and freaky looking because they're being pressed against the glass*

Geb:"Ok, somebody's gotta go out into space and get the Holy Hand Remote. Who here has training in zero-G manouvering?"

Randy:"Um, I do, why?"

Geb:"You just volunteered to go get the HHR!"

*Sem and Ante grab Randy and throw him into the airlock. Maybe hits the big red button, the inner door closes and the outer door opens. Randy floats towards the Holy Hand Remote.*

Losien:"Maybe we should have given him an oxygen mask before we threw him out..."

***Star Wars-style horizontal wipe***

*Airlock door opens. Randy collapses on the floor of the interior.*

Randy:"Air... *gasp*... *wheeze*"

Geb:"Did you get it?"

Randy:"Remote... *breathe*... here..."

*Randy weakly holds the Holy Hand Remote up to Geb. Geb takes it. Randy collapses on the floor, gasping for air.*

Geb:"Ok, now let's get out of this heck-hole...*goes to change the channel"

Maybe:"Wait! What about the Star Wars universe? We've totally messed up the timeline! If we leave now without fixing things, the last two movies may never even happen!"

Geb:"Hmm. Ok, I'll just hit rewind, and we'll just go back and not do what we were going to do!"

*Geb hits rewind. Images begin to flash by in reverse. An explosion gets smaller and smaller and coalesces into the Death Star. Randy's X-wing whips back into hyperspace. The Millenium Falcon and the crew fall up to the surface of the Death Star. The duct taped x-wing flies backwards to Yavin. Everybody hops backwards into a landspeeder. The speeder whips away in reverse, chasing a T-Rex who is also going backwards. The blurry motion suddenly stops in the hold of the Millenium Falcon.*

Krig:"Krig's head hurts..."

Geb:"Ok, good, we're back to here, before we did anything. Now, everybody grab hold of the remote and we'll change the channel."

*Krig the Viking, Gebohq, Antestarr, Semievil, Maybechild, Losien, the Otter, and Lt. Randy grab the remote.*

Maybe:"Hey, waitaminute... If we just went backwards in time, why is Randy with us?"

Krig:"The hyperdynamic fluctuations of the device commonly known as the Holy Hand Remote were undoubtedly in effect in a larger radius than we had previously estima -- I mean -- Ugh. Krig's head hurt."

Geb:"Uhh, yeah, anyway, we shouldn't waste any more time and risk the timeline getting messed up. Let's go!"

*Geb slowly depresses the "Channel Up" button. The world flashes white, and dissapears. In the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon, the story that is Star Wars advances as it should. The tiny discrepencies in the plot caused by our heroes do not show up until many years later, when the Expanded Universe books begin to be written.*

*The world flashes, and the rocking interior of a train comes into focus, swaying with the rails. Our heroes sit in a small compartment, the kind with the two bench-style seats facing each other.*

Ante:"Where are we?"

Otter:"And why is everything all black and white and greyish? It's like we're in the Twilight Zone or something..."

*Twilight Zone theme begins*

With the move to a new setting, the fate of our heroes is even murkier than it was before, if possible. What will happen in the near future? Only you can decide! (or me, cause I'm very powerful.)

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Krig the Viking]

*Twilight Zone theme continues to play*

[Randy]

<Randy looks at himself and his companions, noticing that they are all dressed in 1940's attire(the men in overcoats and hats, the women in dresses and hats) all of which are black and white>

Randy: Ok...Now what?

Krig: It appears that the interpolarized phase shift between dimensions has deposited our party in an episode of the popular "Twilight Zone"...

<The rest of the party look at Krig with puzzled looks>

Krig: ...uhhh..I mean Krig look funny. :P

Ante: Right... http://forums.massassi.net/html/rolleyes.gif...well anyway we need to find a way out of here, and fast.

Maybe: It would be a lot more safe if we disembarked when the train has stopped moving. http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

<Just then... A man in a black trench coat emposes himself in the doorway of the compartment our heros reside in. Flanked by two men in Nazi stormtrooper uniforms, he holds a small, furry creature wearing a black fedorah (<-=- spelling?). The creatures eyes roll open revealing two blood red eyes. The two soldiers point their sub-machine gun toward our heros...>

Black Coated Man: Halt! You are under arrest for crimes against de fur.

<the furry creature begins laughing malicously>

Geb: Uhh...I think we're in trouble guys...

<Suddenly, The three men's eyes roll back as they sound forth a collective groan. Standing in the doorway where the men just stood is Losien wielding a baseball bat which appears to be procured from the luggage compartment.>

Burby 00: NOOO!!! http://forums.massassi.net/html/eek.gif NOT SLEEPY-TIME MOooodddeee...<snore> woowoowoo <snore> woowoowoo <snore>...

<The sound of the train coming into station can be heard>

Sem: I believe this is where we make our escape. http://forums.massassi.net/html/cool.gif

<Quickly filing out of the compartment our heros make their way to the loading dock. Upon steping out they notice the world is a VERY strange place...Sure there are the swaztikas(spelling?) around but the picture of...a BURBY, not Hitler, are posted through out the city.>

Randy: It is obvious that 00 is changing storylines in order to get the Holy Hand Remote from us.

Geb: Now all we have to do is find a way out of this mess and...

Soldier: HALT!!! http://forums.massassi.net/html/mad.gif

Ante: Uhoh...This is bad.

<At the end of the street several soldiers begin to form. They begin firing upon our heroes>

Krig: RUN!! http://forums.massassi.net/html/eek.gif

<Our heroes begin to run as bullest wizz by and ricochet off of the stone walls and metal lamp posts of the city street.>

<Will our heroes escape their perilous peril? Will Krig admit his intelligence or is it a fluke from repeated exposure to radiation/knocks to the head? Is there an end in sight? (No) Tune in next time for "The Twilight Zone" do de doo doo do de doo do...> <fade to black>

[Krig the Viking]

*Inside Krig's mind, a dark and evil presence has begun to intrude, occasionally taking control and causing him to say things he wouldn't normally say. Yes, that's right, the infamous Darkside, having taken control of Semievil's mind, is trying to take possession of Krig's mind! However, he is not finding it as easy as he had planned. Not only does Krig not have any evil tendancies... he's completely insane.*

*Inside Krig's head*

Darkside:"What is it that you most desire, Krig the Viking?"

Krig:"Krig like pretty flowers."

Darkside:"You like flowers, do you Krig?"

Krig:"Flower smell nice."

Darkside:"Come with us, Krig, and you'll have all the flower's you'll ever want..."

Krig:"Donkey?"

Darkside:"Uh... yes... if that's what you want..."

Krig:"Krig think donkey funny."

Darkside:"Oh, there's oodles of funny donkeys in the happy place, now just follow us..."

Krig:"Where Krig follow?"

Darkside:"Right this way, Krig, follow us,it's just a bit over here..."

Krig:"Over here?"

Darkside:"Yes, over here, just a bit further... a bit further..."

Krig:"Potato! Krig follow potato!"

Darkside:"Wait! Come back! The happy place is waiting..."

*Meanwhile, in the world outside of Krig's head*

*The companions have been running from the Gestapo in a long and exiting chase scene. They eventually duck into one alley too many, and this alley happens to be a dead end.*

Los:"Oh, no, we've come to a dead end!"

*Four Gestapo appear at the end of the alleyway*

Geb:"Stay back! I have the Holy Hand Remote!"

Gestapo 1:"Un Hand Remote vull off holes?"

Geb:"No, no, a Hand Remote that is Holy!"

Gestapo 1:"Oh. Actun! You are under arrest!"

*Inside Krig's head*

Krig:"Krig hear funny man say bad things. KRIG SMASH!!"

Darkside:"No, wait, come to the dark side--er--happy place!"

*Real life*

Krig:"KRIG SMASH!!"

*Krig leaps up and attacks the Gestapo with his battle axe in a fury of randomly variable blows. A few seconds later, there are no Gestapo left.*

Krig:"Krig smash."

***Meanwhile***

Burby 00:"Why have my minions not returned?"

Black Coated Man:"I do not know, mein fuhrer."

Burby 00:"Send more troops after the foul heroes! We must find them!"

Black Coated Man:"Yes, mein fuhrer."

What will happen to our intrepid heroes? Will Krig fall victim to the insidious Darkside's insidiousness? Will Burby 00 find our heroes and do something bad to them? What action will our heroes take now that they are no longer being pursued? Only time might tell...

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Antestarr]

*Ante takes a moment from his busy schedule to note that the NES thread has fallen to the "within 10 days" list. Seeing this travesty, he quickly posts to put it back up at the top, then goes in search of the demon ruler of Ontario.*

[Gebohq]

NSP: I for one will apologize for turning into one of those "oh no, I have too many things to do now and can't take time to write a NeS post" people. Really, I want to, but not only do I have many things to think about right now (mainly a research paper and art projects) but having a writer's block doesn't help either. The moment I get an idea I'll write it as quick as I can, honestly http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

[Randy]

*Our heros stand amazed at the blinding speed and agility Krig wealds to dispatch their opponents.*

Randy:<whisper> Geb, remind me to never get on Krigs bad side. <whisper>

Geb: Just don't get between him and food and you will do fine.

Randy: I'll take that under advisement. http://forums.massassi.net/html/rolleyes.gif

Sem: Well, one thing's for sure...next time they'll have renforcements. Me thinks we best be off.

*Meanwhile, inside Krigs head...*

Darkside: So, Krig you delight in smashing, do you not?

Krig: Krig like flowers http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif.

Darkside: http://forums.massassi.net/html/mad.gif Dohh! Not with the flowers again! Isn't there anything that will modivate you?

Krig: Ummmm....

*Hours later...*

<Outside Krigs head...>

Ante: It's getting late, I would recommend that we get some food and then try to find a way out of this "nightmare".

Losien: I could go for a bite.

Maybe: There's a relatively 'clean' restraunt, lets go there.

Geb: Krig has been so quiet the past hour or so, I'm beginning to worry about him.

Sem: He'll be fine. He is probably just hungry.

<Inside Krigs head...>

Darkside: Well?

Krig: Ummm... What was question http://forums.massassi.net/html/confused.gif?

Darkside: DAARRRGGGHHH!!! For the eighteenth time, Is there or is there not ANYTHING that modivates you??

*Just then, the wonderful aroma of delicious food penitrates the 'fog' surrounding Krig and Darkside*

Krig: FOOD!!!

Darkside: Excellent, soon I shall have unlimited power. Bwahahahaha!!!

Krig: KRIG LIKE FOOD!!!

Darkside: No wait!! http://forums.massassi.net/html/eek.gif

*Krig charges into the fog and vanishes from Darksides view*

Darkside: This is hopeless...I should have been a lawyer like mother said. http://forums.massassi.net/html/frown.gif

<Outside Krigs head...>

Krig: KRIG HUNGRY!!!

Geb: Randy, don't get on his bad side.

Randy: <sarcastic> Thanks alot. <sarcastic> By the way, nice to have you back Krig.

Geb: Where were you?

Krig: Me no remeber. http://forums.massassi.net/html/confused.gif

Losien: Anyway, eat up Krig or the food will get cold.

Krig: OHHH BOY!!

<Krig begins to eat ravinously>

*Will our heros ever return home? Will Darkside EVER be able to find Krig's mind, or is he doomed to be lost forever in the recesses of Krig's conciousness? Will our villans find our intrepid party? These and more questions will be asked in our thrilling next episode...*


[This message has been edited by Randy (edited December 06, 2000).]

[Randy]

<NSP: Speaking of stuff going cold, POST SOMEONE AHHHHHH!! http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif>

[Krig the Viking]

(Hehe, you've got Krig's psychology down pat.)

*Our intrepid adventurers sit crammed into one booth at the back of the restraunt, trying to avoid the food flying from Krig's untidy eating habits. Just then the door jingles and three SS men enter, holding machine guns. *

Geb:"Don't look now, but three SS guys just entered the restraunt!"

*Everybody turns their heads and stares at the SS guys.*

Geb:"No, I said don't look at them!"

*One of the Nazis notices the eclectic collection of adventurers staring at them, and shouts.*

SS guy:"Actun! Ze fugatives!"

Geb:"Hurry, let's get out of here!"

Sem:"Wait, we've taken on armies of bunny robots and rubber duckies, not to mention hundreds of other random hordes! Surely we can take a couple of ordinary Nazis!"

Ante:"I dunno, but should their eyes be glowing like that?"

*Twilight Zone theme plays*

Ante:"Oh, right, I forgot, we're in this crazy black and white place..."

*The SS guys begin firing their machine guns at the heroes. Everyone dives for cover, and miraculously, none are hit. Our heroes make a hasty exit through the nearby back door.*

Geb:"Quick, barricade the door with something!"

*Lt. Randy props Krig against the door*

Geb:"No, something that won't run away! Here, like this garbage dumpster!"

*Everybody strains and slowly, agonizingly slowly, pushes the dumpster over to the door.*

Geb:"Ok, now that our trail's covered, let's get outta here!"

*The three SS guys appear at the end of the alleyway.*

Maybe:"Hmm, maybe we shoulda barricaded the front door too."

Will everything work out ok for our heroes? Or is this the beginning of a terrifying "Planet of the Horses"? In this narrator's opinion, almost certainly yes!

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Gebohq]

(NSP: I think I'm overdue for a itty post here, hehe)

Krig: Me not like SSS men.
Ante: That's with 2 S's, not 3.
Krig: ?
Ante: S...Oh nevermind the S.
Krig: S.O.S.?
Otter: But we're not on a ship...
Randy: To hell with that, save us ANYWAYS!

*Meanwhile, the SS men wait patiently for their conversation to end before clearing their throats to remind the fighters of their presence.*

Otter: Oh right, this is where we run like pansies.
Maybe: Well I'm not going to run away! You wanna piece of me, Mr. nazi-stick-up-your-
Losien: can't we all just get along?

All: NO!!!
"They": *side appearance* Not if we can help it, right media?

Geb: Look! A car that we can escape in! Is that Lawrence Fishburne and Keanneu Reeves in the c--whoa!

*The fighters are pulled into the Matrix-esque style car. Inside Krig's head though, our good-mannered challanged embodiment of the Sith has trouble of his own...*

Darkside: This guy's head is a mess! Where's a map when you need one--I mean--I know where I'm going...

What will happen to our fearless heroes now? Stay tune and find out soon! Man I love this job, now that I got a raise...

[Highemperor of the Force]

Geb: Thanks for rescuing us, Lawr - hey, you're not Lawrence Fishburne or Keanneu Reeves!

Highemperor: Correct, O Brainless One. Though why I even bothered to save your worthless hides is beyond me.

Losien: Can we just get OUT of here?

Highemperor: Sure thing. [punches button on console]

*Starlines appear, then disappear*

Krig: Hyberslace?

Sem: Hyperspace, Krig.

Highemperor: No, it's not hyperspace, it's the hyper-dimensional televisual space/time continuum transportation field!

[Others stare blankly at him.]

Highemperor: [disgusted] Hyperspace.

Maybe: OH...

[In the murky recesses of Krig's mind, Darkside is despairing.]

Darkside: I give up! I'll go find someone else's mind to possess. Hmm, how about that Highemperor guy, he seems to have some evil tendencies. . .

------------------
The metaphysical nature of this energy field commonly known as "the Force" is such that it is galactically pervasive, with the potential of becoming omnipervasive, or even modopotent.

[Gebohq]

NSP: Hey, another writer! Yes! I mean, welcome...anywhos, I hope you keep writing Mista Emp. And on a side note, does anybody else think (if any of us weren't so lazy, dumb with editing, or both) it would be neat if there was some sort of Neverending story thread level/skin/mod pack of some sort? Just something to think about...and to get more readers and writers. After all, this story made teh Interactive Story Board!

[HCF_Duke]

Then before they all go into hyperspace a Dark Jedi stops them! And he says:

Dark Duke: It is I, the evil super dark jedi Duke, who goes there?

------------------
A dog has arisen and is now the dog of the Massassi Temple and his name is Duke!!

Email me at: mailto:HCF_Duke@hotmail.comHCF_Duke@hotmail.com</A> or mailto:todd198@aol.comtodd198@aol.com</A>

[Highemperor of the Force]

"None of your beeswax!" Highemperor said to Dark Duke. "Go stick your head in a lake!"

Why was Highemperor so aggressive? Because Darkside was infecting his mind.

[TACC joke]

Dark Duke: You jerk...

Highemperor: Pratt...

Dark Duke: Freak...

Highemperor: Welshman...

Dark Duke: Corellian...

Highemperor: You wanna piece of me?

Dark Duke: Go for it, you homosexual donkey lover...

[/TACC joke]

Highemperor prepares to call down the One Power of the Universe upon Dark Duke, while the latter calls upon the feeble cosmic fabric known as the Force...

------------------
The metaphysical nature of this energy field commonly known as "the Force" is such that it is galactically pervasive, with the potential of becoming omnipervasive, or even modopotent.

[Semievil333]

Watching the cat-fight unfold before him, Sem decides to end this meaningless prattle.
Sem, very quitely and calmly: "cut it out guys"
no response
Sem, slightly louder: "stop!"
no response
Sem, becoming frustrated, rears up suddenly to his full height, casting a shadow over the two hapless miscreants.
Sem, in a voice that made everything around him shudder and crack: "Duke, you are delaying us with this unimportant nonsense! Cease this at once!"
Duke, looking almost straight up to Sem: "Who gonna make me?"
Geb: "Did he just challenge Sem while Sem was standing up?"
Otter: "He not gonna like this..."
Our heros decided to bring the unconscious Duke along, in case they needed to salvage any duct-tape.

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

[Semievil333]

Duke, waking up: "murgffff"
Maybe: "huh?"
Duke: "Murgffff!!!!!"
Otter: "Hey, Sem, he's slobbering all over the duct-tape!"
Sem: "Hmmn... I guess we can take him out of it..."
Sem un-tapes Duke, who promptly took a swing at Sem, and produced a satisfying cracking noise from Sem's jaw. Sem responded in kind, but being dazed from Duke's punch, missed, stumbles, and hit Los. At this Geb picks up the nearest object (which happened to be Krig, who hollered and bellowed a great deal at being swung around over Geb's head) and started to beat Sem over the head with it. Finally the other guys simply shruged and joined in, leaving Maybe to tend to the bruise on Los' shoulder, and complain about how you can never get anything done with men around.

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

[Krig the Viking]

Darkside, sitting inside Highemperor's and Semievil's minds, began cackling with an evil delight. His plan was succeeding! The fools were fighting amongst themselves! Soon, Darkside would rule them all!

He would rule them all, that is, if he could somehow control the shifting sands that were Krig's mind...

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Randy]

&lt;NSP Smackdown '00&gt;

Randy swings, belting the dark Duke across the face. Relishing in the moment he turns just in time to see a large, viking-shaped baseball bat hutling towards him. Randy braces for impact and is immediately sent hurling through the air in a tangent parallel to the ground.
&lt; Insert Jet Engine Sound &gt;
After what seemed like seconds his skull is graced with the reliable firmness of the granite rock face a few hundred meters from the fray. Trying in vain to move his body, he suddenly realizes that it is the rock face, not he, that is moving.
&lt; Grinding sound &gt;
Moments later the rock wall collides with the equally solid floor with a tremendous thundering.

Randy: Owwch!

The thundering crash attracts the attention of the others, who promptly gaze at it's source.

Krig: That was fun, Hehehe. http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Geb: What tha heck is that?

It is only then that our heros realize that they are no longer in Germany, or Kansas for that matter Toto.

Randy: &lt;Yelling&gt; Can I get a hand over here?

Ante begins clapping...

Randy: Gee...thanks alot.

Randy stumbles to his feet and wobbles slightly.

Randy: Mom always said I had a hard head but I would have never guessed this. http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

Randy then drops to his knees and passes out...

Losien: Obviously not hard enough.

Maybe clutches the gauze pad placed upon her wound.

Maybe: It appears that Randy has inadvertantly discovered some hidden cave.

HEF and Sem stand, wobbling over the defeated Duke. Their eyes roll back and the both collide and collapse upon the duke's broken body. A collective groan arises from the pile.

Los: Men... http://forums.massassi.net/html/rolleyes.gif

Geb: I wonder if the car has a First Aid kit?

HEF: &lt;Muffled&gt; Trunk, by the spare. &lt;Muffled&gt;

&lt; Meanwhile... &gt;
Darkside: Excellent, In their weakened conditions I shall rule them all...Doh, except for Krig.
&lt; Meanwhile, Meanwhile... &gt;

Burby 00: Did you find them?

SS Soldier: No, vhat vee found vas zis rrental rrecipt.

Burby 00 inspects the recipt carefully.

Burby 00: Excellent, it's a Hertz rental. Hahahaha, take this to the rental dealer and inquire about this customer. Use force if necessary.

Soldier: zes mine fur.

*Will our heros ever get out of this crazy, mixed-up land? What does the Duke want? Will Darkside or Burby 00 prevale as supriem evil?
What lies beyond the wall Randy so "carefully" found? These and more in our next adventure...*

[Gebohq]

*In the dark recesses far far away from our heroes...*

Morris the cat: Yes, dem foos think they can just forget about me. They'll see otherwise...

*A loud thud can be heard*

Morris: Ow! Whoever said that cats can see in the dark wasn't a cat, that's for sure. Now to stop at the nearest meat-packeging plant to get a snack before visiting Geb and his friends.

*Meanwhile (NeS usage count: 697, give or take a few hundred. 65% of statistics are made up on the spot anyways...), inside a bar in a parallel universe...*

Ares' clone: *finishing his drink* Why doesn't anybody believe that I invented the Internet? The Lord will strike you down fer such lack of faith...

Benard the pigeon: *mechanical chirp*

Are's clone: You're right, my fine feathered friend. We shouldn't be on the sidelines like this, let's get back in the action--hey, what the hell?--I mean *in very monotone voice* what the hell?

[begin "The Sixth Day" rip-off]

*Ares' clone turns his attention to teh TV that's in the bar, tuned into the PPV's ongoing special coverage of Gebohq and the other fighters. He notices Burby and two Nazi's on the screen, with...himself on the screen? It had to be the original Ares, but then he noticed the Bible in the hand...*

(on TV)

Burby: Just tell me where I can find the Lost Ark of the covenant Ares!

Ares: (in monotone voice, reading from a Bible) Those that are enemies of teh Lord shall fear his wrath. Repent now, adn thou shall be saved...

(back at the bar)

Ares' clone: There's another me! But I'm the real Ares!..er..the real clone I mean..man, this is too confusing. Well, whoever did this is going to pay. They messed with the wrong clone.

[/end "The Sixth Day" rip-off]

*Off in a lab someplace, the real Ares stands in fustration.*

Ares: (speaking to a scientist) Idiot! You messed the cloning again!

Scientist: But sir, when you said you wanted another, we assumed that you couldn't have meant your car--

Ares: Why not?!!

Scientist: Because it's not alive and--

Ares: Don't say that ever again! (walks up to his beloved Mercades and pets its hood) Don't listen to the mean aweful man, you'll always be my one true love...

*Meanwhile, back with the fighters (random audience menber: finally!) Randy and the others stare into the darkness ahead of them.*

Randy: Uh...well lead us on Geb!
Geb: I'm not stupid! There'll be some monster waiting to eat me whole. Send Krig in!
Krig: Krig afraid of the dark.
Maybe: Oh honestly! Afraid of what lies ahead...you're all such big babies...

*Maybechild walks into the dark tunnel, with the others simply watching in anticipation*

Otter: Think anything will happen?
Ante: Well, I would think if anything good is ahead, it'll be guarded by something bad--

*Just then, Maybechild runs screaming and arms flailing*

Maybe: AHHHHH!!!! It's David Bowie and a sex-crazed fat teenage-boy!

Will our heroes be able to defeat this new threat and move on to see what's ahead? Will Are's clone go take his rightful place and replace the clone with himself with Benard? What does Moris have planned for the fighters? I don't know about you, but I'm about to pee my pants if I don't find out in the next episode of.. THE NEVERENDING STORY!

[Gebohq]

NSP: Aaand I'm spent. For now at least. Now it's someone elses turn! Tag, you're it!

[Gebohq]

NSP: Stupid evil double posts, wish they'd all go to hell and die, slow and painfully, and catch a rare strain of the ebola virus...

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited December 21, 2000).]

[Gebohq]

*The reader notices a sign hung on the door to the Neverending Story Thread office. It read:*

"Out for boozin', snoozin' and scorin'. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and all that good stuff--hey babe, I'm comin' already, let me just finish this sign.

-Geb"

[Semievil333]

Sem pokes his head out through the TV screen, which the foolish writers left on, and looks around. Realizing the coast is clear, he hops out, and looks around. Inside 5 minutes he's stolen all the cokes from the fridge, and has located the spare remote and extra batteries in a duct-tapped file cabinet in his writer's office. He flipps through the channels trying to find a safe show for his friends to rest on, and comes across a documentary on housecats. Taking his cue from the TV, he begins to bat the remote around like a cat toy on the floor and winds up smashing it into bits against a wall.
Krig: REAAAAREHHHR!!!!
Maybe: me-choo!(goes into a sneezing fit)
Geb: (a pitiously wailed "meow") row!
Sem, not even looking up, is still playing with the batteries on the floor.

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

[Gebohq]

Geb: *meows in a wailing voice* translated: Maaaaaaan, being a cat is so boring! Not to mention coughing up hairballs is a pain.

Maybe: Uh...I think we'll have bigger problems than that Geb.

Otter: What? We'll run out of milk?

Maybe: No. Him.

*Camera spins to show the all-encompassing Morris.*

Otter: Oh.

*Morris waddles over to Sem, who is still batting with the remote control. As Sem sees Morris approach, Sem hisses, pulling his ears back. Morris simply uses his immense weight to push Sem out of the way, then grabs the remote like some fat Muppet.*

Morris: YES! I have the all-mighty remote!

Sem: But there's no batteries in it! Take that!

*Morris vomits up some batteries, and puts them in the remote*

Sem: Damn.

Morris: Now watch this!

*Morris presses the button.*

Oh dear, it's Morris, the lub-of-lard-for-a-cat! What has he done to our fateful heroes with the remote? Why are the posts so badly written? Why did the writer ever come back from snoozing and scoring? Find out in the next post! What do you mean "What if we don't?" Do you question my authority? I, the narrator? How dare you! Go back to the sludge hole from whence you came! Go on! You're presence here disgusts me...don't cry now. I hate it when people cry...jsut read teh next post and feel better.

[Krig the Viking]

*There is a flash of static, and suddenly the world is replaced by a series of wide, vertical, multicoloured stripes.*

Geb:"What the..."

*Suddenly, a peircing shreik fills the air! The overwhelming test beep shatters all glass for miles around, grating on the minds of our heroes like the sound of a dentist's drill! Our heroes clasp their ears in agony, collapsing to the ground, writhing in pain!*

Everybody:"Aaaaaaaiiiiiieeeeee!!!"

*Suddenly, the remote, clutched in Morris's flubbery paw, shatters into a million sparkling pieces! The batteries fly away, only to be destroyed by the incredibly high pitched sonic shrieking!*

Lt. Randy(eyes bulging out in pain):"Oh, no! We'll be trapped in this infernal place forever!!"

Geb(clutching bleeding ears):"Did anyone hear what he just said?"

Otter:"No, I don't want to dance!"

Sem:"What are you talking about? My pants are just fine!"

Maybe:"A lime? No thanks, I'm not hungry right now!"

Krig:"Cow? Krig no see cow!"

Will our indubitable heroes survive this ordeal with intact eardrums? Will they survive at all? Will other writers wake up and realize this story still exists? And whatever happened to the Enchilada Man, anyhow? These questions and more not answered in the next post!

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Hehe, gotta love the emergency broadcasting. Think if there actually was one they'd use it? I don't think so...depends on what they constitute as an emergency I suppose...)

[Gebohq]

NSP: And is it jsut me, or has the Interactive Story Board become jsut a tad more popular?...ok, so this is just a sad excuse to keep NeS up while I round up the local writers to jump back in (such as Sem, Maybe, Otter and Ante).

[subliminal message]Turn the TV/NeS plot to the Spice channel[/subliminal message]

Who said that? Bad writer! Bad, evil, naughty writer! No cookies for you... (yes, it's 1 in the morning. I'm afraid of me too)

-Geb

[Krig the Viking]

*Suddenly, the emergency broadcast system blips out of existance, replaced by the soothing music of an early morning television program beginning.*

Krig:"Ahhh, Krig like."

Otter:"What'd he say? Somebody stop those bells from ringing! I can't hear a thing!"

Ante, looking around, very pale:"Do you guys know where we are?"

Geb:"Where?"

Ante:"I think... I think we're in *voice drops to a whisper* Barney the Dinosaur land!"

Dramatic music: "Duhn Duhn DUHN!"

Oh horror of horrors! Will our heroes escape alive? Or will they be smothered and sickened by the overwhelming happiness and stupidity of the frolicking purple dinosaur? Stay Tuned!

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Gebohq]

Maybe: Ow, my ears! My ears are bleeding--ohh....psychodelic colors....OW! They're still bleeding...

Morris: OK, enough torture for you all. Let's move on now...

*With his stubby paws, Morris flipps teh channels, and the background of the fighters changes appropriately. Morris stops with a background of a game show with Ben Stein in it--replaced of course, with Ares' fake clone, and in the booths, Losien, Antestarr, and Krig. The others, including Morris, sit in the audience, watching.

Geb: *in the audience* I'm thinking this channel is strangly fitting for some reason. And whoa! Deja-vu with being in the audience again...

*Geb reaches over for a nacho, but Morris bats his claws at Geb's reaching hand.*

What will happen next? What relevance does this gameshow has to our fighters? And will the bad writers of the world ever be punished? Find out, after these commercials!

Voice: Feeling itchy at those important times, guys?

*Random guy playing a computer game stops to itch his private parts and then throws his fist up at the screen afterwards.*

Voice: Then you need *flash of light* GOLD BOND MALE ITCHING POWDER! It's teh only thing to keep you itch-free, all day long!

*goes to blue screen, with product name, picture, and legalities.*

voice: Buy now! Call our toll-free number at 1-555-ITCH-BE-GONE. Shipping and handling not included, sorry no COD's, offer while supplies last....

NSP: more commercials in the following post perhaps, with more story afterwards?

[Gebohq]

NSP: Urgh! I jsut realized the last post said we were on the channel with barney on it! Stupid plot holes! Not to be confused with pot holes...got any ideas how to write around it? I'd preferably would like to stay with Stein. We can get back to teh scary dinosaur later if we wish. But we need a good write-around....

[MaybeChild]

{NSP: Hey, Scott, I'm back! Hey everybody, didja miss me? Don't answer that...}

*movie announcer voice*
"In a world that hates and fears them. . ."
*Maybe's ears prick up*
Maybe: X-Men!!!!
Sem: Oh dear God, NO!!!

*at sight of Hugh Jackman striding purposefully through Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, Maybe takes a flying leap into the scene, leaving the rest of her stunned team and Ben Stein staring helplessly after her*

Sem: *shakes head* I'll be right back. *jumps into X-Men scene* Maybe! MC! Where'd you go? Ni!

Maybe (distantly): IT!

*Sem follows direction of voice and finds Maybe pokin' around in Cerebro's main computer*

Sem: *grabs Maybe's arm* Come on. . .

*Maybe, who's eyes are suddenly a strange shade of yellow, follows mutely back to the set of Ben Stein's Money*

Krig: *sniff* Maybe?

MaybeChild: ......

Krig (more insistently): Maybe?

[If any of you have actually seen the X-Men movie, could you post next? If not, that's cool, just continue anyway http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif]


------------------
"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

[Semievil333]

Suddenly, a mystical swirl attacks the TV, rendering all 3 shows in to 1

Barney, Magneto, and Cyclops are all contestants on Win Ben Stein's Money!!!!

Geb has taken the place of Jimmy Kimmel, and Otter has taken over for Ben Stein.

Geb: First category, we'll let Barney pick.
(hinges from one of the cabinets in the scenery fly out and attack Geb, leaving him in a screaming heap on the floor until he shouts): ALLRIGHT! Magneto can pick!

Magneto: I'd like St. Jhon's Jhon

Geb: How many times do the Gospels mention Jesus going to the bathroom?

Magneto: 37! er! no, wait!

Barney: Jesus doesn't go to the bathroom, he spreads the word of joy and love, like I do! Come, follow me!

A microphone suddenly flies from it's stand, like a harpoon from a cannon and buries itself in Barney's side, causing him to emit numerous un-Christ-like expletives.
Otter, as the purple blob is being dragged off stage by the mic cord: Join us, after this commercial break, when I attempt to defend my money by taking the place of our least fortunate contestant!

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

[avenger216]

in ttyhe next round cyclops and magneto get in a fight allowing teh host to take every question

------------------
WHY?! Because Vengy said so!
icq# 70155666 (http://wwp.icq.com/70155666)
mailto:avenger216@massassi.comavenger216@massassi. com</A>
avenger216, massassi's favorite and only heterosexual super-genius who can knot spell or hasn't no good grammar.
no massassians were harmed in the making of this post, err well not many.
Vengys deposit of random crap (http://www.geocities.com/bdtcheat/)

[Gebohq]

*Enter another commercial break*

*An Acrocrombie & Fitch-appearing man (complete without shirt), is seen with sunglasses on. He is seen walking onto a beach-side porch, approaching an equally attractive young woman, wearing only a bikini. She stands up, holds him close, and they look out onto the sunset. They begin to kiss passionatly when the screen turns black and a voice speaks, with numbers and words to match what he says*

Voice: Now at a new low APR. The new Honda Civic.

*end commercial*

[Krig the Viking]

(Sweet! I just saw X-men again today! I watched it only hours ago!)

*Just then, the rest of the X-men flicker into existance. The whole set of Win Ben Stein's Money turns a sort of flickery, staticky colour.*

Morris the Cat:"Hmm, it looks like the TV's trying to pick up two channels at once."

Wolverine:"What the... where'd that big hairy Sabretooth guy go?"

Krig:"Krig not know. Krig stuck in bad place. Place all flashy. Maybe not Maybe."

Wolverine:"Maybe not maybe? What the h*** are you talking about?"

"Krig points at Maybechild."

Krig:"*sniff sniff* Maybe smell funny."

Wolverine:"*sniff sniff* You're right, she does. In fact..."

*Wolverine snikts out his claws, and slashes at Maybe. Geb, Otter, Sem, Ante, and others jump on Wolverine, to stop him from killing the person they think is their friend. Meanwhile, Maybe gets up, and morphs into a security guard, then wades into the pile of heroes, apparently to stop them from fighting, but in reality to just hurt them a lot.*

Krig:"Why everybody jump on cool hairy guy? Nobody like cool hairy people. Hmpf."

Could this be the end of our heroes? Or will other mildly amusing/gutsplittingly hilarious events occur? Stay tuned!

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[MaybeChild]

(NSP: Krig, I love you man! Fellow X-Men fans unite!)

Suddenly, the REAL MaybeChild walks onto the set, muttering about not being able to find Hugh Jackman, when she sees the brawl taking place.

Sem: (looking up from the pile of attackers) Ni!

Geb: (looking up as well) Maybe! But-- I thought-- er....

Wolverine (from the bottom of the pile): Erk... some welcoming committee...

Maybe: NOOOO!!!

Maybe takes a flying leap and shoves everybody off of Wolverine with one fell swoop. Sem, Gebby, and Ante land in a heap on top of Otter, who still thinks he's Ben Stein. Randy lands on his @$$ on top of Losien, and Krig stands there looking helplessly confused.

Krig: Smart man hurt?

Wolverine: I'll be fine, kid. (Spots MaybeChild) Either I'm seein' double or. . . *sniff* you must be the "Maybe" this guy was talking about.

Maybe: Ye-- Hey! *jerks back, seeing two Cyclopses behind Wolverine* Why two of YOU? Why not Gambit? *pouts*

Suddenly, one Cyclops turns into Morris the Cat and laughs menacingly. He approaches Magneto and purrs.

Magneto: Good work, Morris. You have turned the adventurers against the X-Men. I can use this. . .

Maybe: No you cant!!!! *Seizes Holy Hand Remote and points it at Magneto* Take that!

Suddenly, the scene changes to an estate outside of New York City. Cyclops and Wolverine are nowhere to be seen, but Maybe is suddenly wearing green and yellow spandex with a bomber jacket and gloves and has a white streak in her (dashingly beautiful http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif) red hair; Geb is wearing blue spandex and a ruby quartz visor; Sem is wearing red and black and has turned blue, with three fingers and three toes and a tail; Otter has become big, blue, and furry; Ante has sprouted angelic wings; Losien is wearing all white and her hair has turned white; Krig suddenly has adamantium claws and is wearing yellow spandex; and Randy, the newcomer, is wearing a yellow trench coat and gloves with shorts and a t-shirt (always thought that was an odd outfit) and is chewing gum. A tv theme song starts to play, and at first none recognize it, save for MaybeChild.

Maybe: Whoops...

Sem: You didn't...

Randy: I'm JUBILEE?!?!?!?!?!?!

Maybe: (to Sem) Sorry, Nightcrawler. Looks like ah landed y'all in the X-Men...

Ante: Why do I have to be Archangel? Can't I be Gambit?

Maybe: Wait! Ah think ah see the swamp-rat himself comin' along now!

------------------
"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

[This message has been edited by MaybeChild (edited January 09, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by MaybeChild (edited January 09, 2001).]

[Masetto]

*A slender, redish haired young man with red eyes, wearing a trenchcoat approaches. He shuffles a deck of cards in one hand with rather impressive dexterity*

Masetto: Why you be callin' Gambit "Swamp-Rat" cher?

*Maybe puts her hand on her hip and tilts her head*

Maybe: Well maybe ya'd look better if ya used a comb!

Masetto: So you're sayin' Gambit look good with messy hair huh? *winks* I accept your compliment cher.

*The others look at him suspiciously*

Masetto: What'd Gambit do!? Don't you like 'he Cajun no more?

WHO IS THIS STRANGE PERSON WHO JUST ENTERED OUR STORY? IS HE TRUST WORTHY? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT MORE!

[Magi_Cabaalis]

Geez, I posted "Nostradamos.. Scary Stuff here" two years ago as GA Farrant.. And yet here it remains!

------------------
Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain
Let her go, let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow,
Let her be

[Squall275]

Masetto: Hi, Mabey

Mabey: Yo


WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR HEROES? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!!!

------------------
-------KOP_Squall-------
Lions Rule

[Squall275]

http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

------------------
-------KOP_Squall-------
Lions Rule

[Semievil333]

(NSP- new sig... what y'all think?)

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[Krig the Viking]

(Hehe, sweet sig man)

*Krig, not having to do a lot of acting to pull off the part of a short, hairy, bestial hero, grins and growls at Morris. Morris leaps at the party, and Krig jumps at him, meeting in mid-air. Krig begins pounding on Morris, like an insane weasle. Morris swipes at him with one paw, and Krig goes flying into a wall, shattering the brick wall.*

*Morris strides slowly over to Maybe.*

Morris:"Give me the Holy Hand Remote and I won't have to hurt you!"

Maybe:"If you touch me, I'll absorb all your powers!"

Morris:"I'm covered in fur! You can't touch my skin!"

Maybe:"Uh-oh..."

*Morris leaps at Maybe with a frightening speed, much incredibly faster than a creature of his size should be able to move. Maybe loses her grip on the Holy Hand Remote (who wouldn't, if Morris the Cat landed on ya?), and the Remote goes flying... into the hands of Magneto.*

Magneto:"What have we here? Some sort of dimensional time-slider? You all are travelling through the dimensions hoping to find "Earth Prime", is that it?"

Geb:"Uh, no, you've been watching too much 'Sliders'. That's just a TV remote. Of no importance. Please give it back."

Morris:"Don't do it! They're tricking you!"

Magneto:"Tricking me, eh? Well, we'll have to put a stop to that! Morris, destroy them."

*Morris pounces on the collection of heroes with a pants-soiling ferocity. Losien slips out of the brawl, and her eyes gloss over and turn white.*

*Thunder rumbles in the distance.*

Magneto:"Uh-oh. I'd better deal with you personally!"

*Magneto raises his hands, and behind him thousands of pieces of sharp looking metal float upwards.*

Crimeny! What will happen next? Will I continue to say the same thing after every post? Do we really need a narrator? The answer to all those questions is a resounding "YES"! Well, except the first one, which isn't really a yes-or-no question.

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Gebohq]

*Meanwhile, up in the air, Ante/Archangel is having a little too much fun...

Ante: *flying* WHEEEEEEEE!!

Geb: Get down from there! We have to kick *** now!

Ante: But I don't wanna! You're just bitter cuz I have wings!

Geb: Yeah, well I don't get periods either--

Randy: I resent that! *adjusts his breasts*

Geb: --and you'll have to get down sometime.

Ante: You're bitter! Bitter bitter bi-tter!

Geb: *In song* I'm not bitter, oh so bitter...

Ante: OH! A statue!

*Ante perches on a nearby statue of some famous politician, reminisant of a city pidgeon. Geb meanwhile walks up to Randy.*

Geb: You know, I would have never thought a guy could look so sexy.

Randy: *under his breath* Shut up...I'm having a hard time as it is keeping myself from being turned on by by own body.

Geb: Hey, maybe you can try seducing Magneto or something.

*Randy gives Geb a cold and disgusted look*

Randy: You're just sick man. Utterly sick.

*Off on the other side of the standoff between Magneto and Losien/Storm...*

Otter: *adjusting his newfound glasses* Perhaps if we calculate the cotangent of the angle and the magnitude of the parallel force, and then compensate for the coefficient of friction...

Sem: Stop acting like your'e smart and just punch Magneto into Abu Dabi.

Otter: Uh...you first.

Sem: OhhoHO no! I said it first, YOU go.

Otter: No way! Send Gambit in!

Masetto: Leave me outta this man! Send the hot plate over to Krig--er--Wolverine...um, and dem troublemakers best not bet against my luck.

Krig: Krig no wish death wish.

Masetto: I'm not going in there man!

Maybe: *off to the side* Not even for me?

Masetto: Damnit woman, you just had to lay down the guilt on me, didn't you?

Maybe: Get in there, NOW!

Masetto: *sigh* (starts walking towards Magneto and Losien)

Maybe: *love sigh* I love that crazy Cajun!

Masetto: *walking back, much more joyous* Oh darn! Storm beat me to it!

Losien: I didn't mean to do it...

Maybe: But how...

Losien: Well, I just brought lightning down, and I guess it magnetized all the metal in an unpredictable fashion. It all stuck onto him like a big metal hairball. I hope he's alright.

*Magneto, growling in anger, steps into view, brushing off the metal that is still trying to stick to him.*

Sem: Eep.

Maybe: Uhh...plan anyone?

*snoring* Zzzzz...uh-huh? OH! Uh...what will our frantic fighters do now? Um...what are you looking at me for? The next post isn't written on my forehead or anything...

----------------------------
"Game over man! Game over!" Hudson - Aliens

~Gebohq

[Semievil333]

(Camera pan to narrator)
And it came to pass, that unto them was brought, an artifact of unequaled power, that being the Holy Helmet of Halibut!
(pan back to action)
Krig suddenly finds himself wearing a shiny new helmet, with fish engraved on the outside of it. As Magneto runs by, the helmet begins to hum softly, and glow like a RainbowBrite action figure, spewing masses of halibut in the general direction of Magneto. Faced with this new, and threatening threat, he charges Krig, who finds, much to his dismay that the helmet is on backwards. But as Magneto draws near, the helmet gets caught up in the magnetic field surrounding him, and flies towards him, with Krig flailing behind like a windsock behind the concord. Perciving his peril to be more perilous than he had anticipated, Magneto panics and runs away, with Krig flying after him. In a heroic effort to rescue Krig, Sem leaps out and grabs him as he flies by, only to find himself being dragged along too. Likewise Geb, Randy, and Otter grab on, and find themselves in the same prediciment, and finally Ante flies down and spreads out his wings, creating barely enough resistance to stop Magneto from getting away because of his attraction to Krig (Krig the writer: HEY!) err.... rather the unbreakable bond between Krig and Magneto (Krig the writer throws Sem the writer's computer out the window, and ends his posting, at least until he gets his spare set up.)

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[Gebohq]

*Dashed to tiny bits on the concrete, Sem the writer's computer could be found outside the Forum office building. Quietly, a modem connection could be heard from it, and it's screen flickered weakly with the Scandisk blue screen, not finding any errors. A voice could be heard from it's speakers, crackling.*

"Hello, this is Jonny Cochrane --oh, this is coming through the fax. Hold on..."

*On the fax, it reads "Invloved in crashes. Attempted murder via thrown out the window. Must sue immediately."

(Yeah, it was a cheap post, and we don't even have to go anywhere with it. I jsut thought it'd be good until we can think of something better at least)

[Masetto]

MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE STORY.....

*Ante, having managed to slow Magneto long enough for Maybe to fly over and pluck "The Helmet" off of Krig's head, using her incredible strength. She then tosses it to Masetto*

Maybe: Here Shugah! Charge it yah energy and destroy the thang!
Masetto: I on it chere!

*Masetto charges the helmet with kinetic energy and throws it as far away from him as possible before it explodes*

Otter: NO! You intelectually challenged individual! Do you not see that by destroying such an artifact, you bring down God's fury upon you!?

Masetto: You sayin' that a helmet that send forth halbits is an instrumen' o God? Tch, now dis Cajun has heard alot o crazy----

*The helmet explodes into a thousand pieces. Suddenly, dark clouds swirl about in the sky above Masetto, with a small hole in the eye of the storm. From the dark and swirling mass of clouds, the solitary light shown down through the eye, down onto Masetto.*

Masetto: *gulp* uh....
Geb: Holy!
Maybe: Dang!
Otter: I told you!
Ante: Uh oh, the boss...
Krig: Huh? Where helmet go?
Randy: Odd weather today...
Magneto: O S***! It's Saturday! I tell you its so hard to be an Orthodox Jew and a mutant supervillan AT THE SAME TIME!

*The light swirls about Masetto*

God: SWAMP RAT!
Masetto: WHY do EVERYONE call de Cajun THA'!?
Maybe: (giggles) Why don't ya' ask Him for a comb whil' He's 'ere?
God: YOU HAVE--------------------------

(Back in Reality)

UPS Man: Is there a Mr. Evil here? I have a package for Semi Evil.

*The writers all look to Sem. Masetto glares at first the UPS Man and then Sem, finding it hard to concentrate with all the racket going on*

Sem: Oh good! My replacement computer has arrived! Thank you so much for getting here so quickly!
UPS Man: Sign here...*Sem signs*...Okay, your package is downstairs by the front steps, have a good day.

*Masetto goes to hit the keys before he loses his train of thought*

Otter: So Sem, what kind of computer is it?
Sem: Its a pentium II with 440 Megs and 2.4 Gigabyte harddrive space, just like the old one....

*Masetto stares blankly at the flashing cursor... and lost his train of thought!*

Sem: (continued)...however this one has 24 more RAM and has a 20x CD-ROM drive and--
Masetto: I CAN'T WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS!!!! AAAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!
Geb: Hey Mase, its okay... *starts toward him*
Masetto: *With wicked grin on his face*... You're right Geb... I'll be right back

*Masetto scurries out the door, while Sem continues to tell Otter about the specifications of his computer for another minute or so. Maybe then says as soon as he is done...*

Maybe: You know Sem, you shouldn't have been talking when Masetto was trying to concentrate... he needs silence when working, remember?

*Masetto enters the room, with Sem's package in his arms*

Sem: Oh! Thanks Masett--Ni!

*Masetto runs over to the window and chucks the package out of it, and smiles as he watches the machine smash against the pavement below. Krig laughs quietly to himself*


WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE CHARACTERS IN THE STORY!? WILL SEM EVER GET HIS COMPUTER? WILL MASETTO REGAIN HIS CONCENTRATION? WILL THIS POST EVER END? (hehe, sorry about the epic length of the post guys... hehe... I couldn't help myself!) STAY TUNED TO THE NES TO FIND OUT!

[Randy]

* Randy walks into the NSP office *

Randy: You'll never believe what I just saw. There I was minding my own busness, checking the mail when suddenly a large UPS package falls from the sky and crashes into the sidewalk nearly killing...

* Randy's voice trails off as he reads some lines on the flatscreen monitor covering a portion of one wall *

Randy: WHAT?!?! How on earth did I end up being "cast" as Jubilee?!?!

Maybe: Well... (trying to come up with a good reason) ...we ran out of other characters. http://216.105.160.32/html/wink.gif

Geb: Serves you right for not comming in sooner, you nerd. :P

Randy: &lt;sigh&gt; Yeah, I guess your right...&lt;under his breath&gt;...this time.

* Randy then notices Sem staring into space as if his brain were abruptly taken from his body and hurled from the building *

Randy: Hey Sem, what's wrong.

Sem: ........

Randy: Uhhh...

* With that Sem breaks down and sobs deeply *

Losien: Masetto &lt;points to Masetto&gt; flung Sem's new computer out the window...

Randy: Hence the UPS box taking a deep dive into a shallow pool.

Ante: Exactly.

* Randy sighs and seats himself at his workstation and begins typing... *

Randy: Let's see...

&lt; Back to the story &gt;

God: You have destroyed an artifact that was a importaint plot device.

Ante: Ooooohhhh... Busted. http://216.105.160.32/html/smile.gif

God: Silence!

Ante: Yes Sir! Sorry Sir!

God: Forgiven...now, Masetto, because this is a story and not REAL life, I will leave you with a warning. Quit destroying plot devices given to you by the writers of this story.

* Exit God, light, clouds, Host of Heaven, etc... *

* Masetto stands speechless *

Randy/Jubilee http://216.105.160.32/html/frown.gifTugging at hi..err..her shorts)&lt;To herself&gt; Why do these Marvel artists have too be so loose? &lt;To Masetto&gt; I think you got off easy.

Geb: No, yah think?!?

Maybe: Awww... you didn't get that comb. http://216.105.160.32/html/smile.gif

Masetto: Shut up!

&lt; /\ Similar names... coincidence? \/ &gt;

Magneto: Can we get on with this?

* Just then a PLASTIC Halbut helmet appears, reversed as before, on Krigs head. *

Krig: AAAHHHRRRGGGG!!! KRIG NO LIKE DARK!!!

Randy/Jubilee(looking skyward): Thank you...

Ante: Here we go again.

&lt; Back in reality &gt;

* Randy searches the internet for info on Jubilee. Geb leans over Randy's shoulder...*

Geb: Ohh... so Randy's got a new girl friend?

Randy: Shut up, I'm trying to get into character, and since I've never really seen any of the X-men comics, shows, or movie I figured that Marvel.com would be a likely place to look.

Geb: Fair enough... Chicky. :P

Randy: Grrr...

&lt; Back in the story &gt;

* Krig, unable to free himself from his plastic prison begins to feverishly race about hoping to remove the helmit *

Magneto: I have you now...

Randy/Jubilee: Take this!

* Randy produces a pink sphereoid and tosses it at Magneto, who then steps upon it, squshing it into a gummy puddle allowing it to stick to his boot. *

Magneto: &lt;curses&gt; Do you know how much this whole costume cost. Now I'll never get back my deposit.

* As Magneto proceeds to carefully remove the chewing gum from his previously spotless boot he hears the sound of a thousand pounding hooves. Looking up he beholds the image of a fear-crazed Wolverine, blinded by the plastic headgear, racing toward him with incredible speed. *

Mageto: Ohhh sh......

* Krig/Wolverine and Magneto collide with the force of a freight train hitting a Honda Civic filled with packaging peanuts. *

Magneto: Owchie...

Maybe: Rand..err..I mean Jubilee, I have a question.

Randy/Jubilee: Yes?

Maybe: Why didn't you use any of your mutant powers?

Randy: I had to use Kr..Wolverine's racing about in some way. Otherwise he would have had to hit a wall.

Geb: Ok...?

Randy: Besides, it wouldn't have been as funny if I tried to roast him in his own juices.

Morris: Ahem!! Have you forgotten me?

* Randy buttons the trench coat in order to preserve some remaining pride. *

Sem: Right...on to buisness...

* After this commercial break *

&lt;Office people in their morning commute&gt;

* Phone rings *

Lady: Don't get that Frank!

* Frank answers the phone *

Frank: Baxter! It's Baxter!!

* Cat proceeds to meow in a hypnotically alluring melody as the announcer praises the wonders of the brand of cat food while in the background one can faintly hear Morris the cat screaming "WOOHOO!!!" *

&lt; How will our heroes get out of this interesting pickle? Will Randy ever return to his original gender?(better sooner than later before Sem, Geb, Otter, and Ante come on to him :P ) What does Morris, the evil cat from hell, have in store for the X-me..err..our heroes? Tune in again...&gt;


[This message has been edited by Randy (edited January 19, 2001).]

[Randy]

&lt;Back in Reality&gt;

* Randy slides back from his computer awaiting the other writers input. *

[MaybeChild]

[NSP: Randy, you're Jubilee because you're the newcomer, and Jubilee is the last addition to the team on the animated show. Sucks to be you, man *eg* (we love you anyway http://216.105.160.32/html/wink.gif)]

A bit away from the action for a while, Masetto/Gambit approaches Maybe/Rogue.

Masetto/Gambit: So, chere, what're you gonna do after we take ca' o' Magneto?

Maybe/Rogue: *glares* Takin' a long, hot bath. And NO YOU CAN'T JOIN ME!

&lt;in the real world&gt;

Sem the writer: *snaps out of his trance* You know, MC, we didn't get Mase into the story so you two could have your little kodak moments!

Maybe the writer: Who's we? And I know that. yeesh, cut me some slack. Just because your computer is dead doesn't mean you have to take it out on the rest of us.

Sem considers this, and proceeds to tackle Maybe quite savagely, causing Geb and Ante to start taking bets while Masetto and Krig start trying to pry Sem and Maybe apart.

&lt;back in the story&gt;

Morris: MEOW!!!

Geb: Do you guys get the strange feeling that Morris is mad? *everyone nods in agreement* I think we need to do something about that...

Ante: Way to go, fearless leader...

Before anyone can move, the earth starts rumbling and a great fissure opens in the ground, separating our heroes from Morris the Cat. From within this giant crevice, rises the most foul beings ever encountered in the history of the world... the BLUE MEANIES!!!

As Ante takes to the sky carrying Randy, Maybe flies Masetto and Krig to safety, and Losien lifts herself and Geb on the wind, Otter and Sem are left standing to face the onslaught of blueness.

Otter: oh dear...

Blue Meanie: Are you two Bluish? Why are you not in your ranks?

Sem: Uhhh... later dood... *transports himself far, far away from the fluffy blue invaders*

[NSP: Sorry, y'all wanted a post, this was the best I could come up with]

------------------
"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

[Randy]

&lt;NSP: Maybe, I thoroughly understand the reasons and intentions in my currently...being female. Don't feel sorry(and I bet you don't http://216.105.160.32/html/wink.gif ) I'm just playing with the fact that it would be most surprising to discover that you are "magically" in a different gender. http://216.105.160.32/html/smile.gif With that said...&gt;

* Otter suddenly comes to the realization that he is alone. *

Otter: Gee.. Thanks guys.

Blue Meanie: You there! Why are you not in your uniform?

Otter: Uhhh....

* Suddenly in despiration, a song, a single song begins to caress the neurons and synapsies of otters brain...that song, "Blue" by Eifle86 ( &lt;- spelling?). The hypnotic melody rolls over the blue hordes of destruction and they begin to bob and sway with the tune. Within minutes, the blue army is at Otters feet "worshiping" him as a bluish deity... *

Otter: Now this is more like it. http://216.105.160.32/html/biggrin.gif

Blue Meanies(In unison): What is thy bidding, oh crusty blue cheesiness?

Otter: Uhh... jump up and down!

* With that the Meanies begin to furiously bounce up and down as if they were of one mind. The combined weight of the Meanies causes the very earth to tremble underneath them. *

Otter: Ok...stop jumping. You have satisfied my command.

* The meanies stop and stand still as before. Otter thinks, "Ya know, this has some use..." *

* Otter spins to face Morris, points to him and cries out at the top of his lungs... *

Otter: ATTACK!!!!!!!

* The blue sea of fur ripples and flows across the gorge toward the puzzled cat. *

Morris: Uhhh...

&lt; More after this commercial break... &gt;

* Several scenes of very happy elderly couples show throughout the first part of the commercial. At the end, in small text read the words "Viagra" and it's chemical name and other health disclamers. *

&lt;Will Morris escape the Blue meanies? Did Otter go too far in his selection of a musical number? Why the heck do we have Viagra commercials during a "kids" cartoon? These and more in our next thrilling installment...&gt;

[This message has been edited by Randy (edited January 19, 2001).]

[Krig the Viking]

*As the sea of blue ripples away into the distance, bearing Morris the Cat with it, our fearless heroes regroup around the Otter.*

Otter (sarcastically):"Hey, thanks for the help, guys!"

Krig:"Otter welcome."

Geb:"Well, that should hold Morris for a while, although I fear that even the terrifying blueness will not hold him for long. For now, we must decide on a course of action."

Krig:"Krig hungry. Krig want food. We get food."

Ante:"Hey, come to think of it, we haven't eaten since... well, for a long time! We really should get some food."

*Just then, a horribly bruised and beaten Magneto stands up, with horror movie music playing in the background.*

Maybe:"Oh, no, I thought we'd destroyed that fiend!"

Magneto:"You have destroyed my outer shell, but you have not destroyed me! Continually, you underestimate my power! That is the last mistake you shall ever make!"

*Magneto's eyes begin glowing an erie red. His face begins to melt, falling away, revealing the vile BURBY 00 at the controls of a robotic Magneto body!*

Burby00:"You shall all pay dearly for your insolence! I, Burby00, shall tear you apart, molecule by molecule! The world shall tremble at the name of BURBY 00!"

Randy:"Hey, wait a minute, you're not Magneto at all, are you?!"

Burby00:"SILENCE, insolent fool! I shall destroy you for that!"

Randy:"Ok, go ahead."

Burby00:"I will unleash upon you the full force of the worst pain imaginable! You will beg to be put to death quickly, but I will not grant you this! For you, a death that takes a thousand years to complete will be heaven!"

Randy:"Yeah, ok, get on with it."

Burby00:"You will rot for eternity! With my own special blend of acids, I will burn your eyes out, slowly! Your skin will be removed by the most skilled of surgeons! You will be subjected to months and months of the most excruciating--"

Randy:"You're just waiting for me to make a daring escape, aren't you?"

Burby00, looking embaressed:"Yes. I'm sorry, the Pay-per-View people put me up to it! If I had my way, you'd be dead already!"

Sem:"I don't mean to interrupt, but Morris the Cat is returning, and it looks like he's just eaten all of the Blue Meanies..."

Otter:"Uh-oh. I don't think we want to mess with a 200 pound cat with indegestion..."

Randy:"We'll see ya later, Burby00. We have to go right now."

Burby00, with evil expression:"Oh, you can count on it, Randy. And when we meet again, I will be sure to have the weapons necessary to destroy you and your friends..."

Don't worry, dear viewers! The Never Ending Story will return! Don't ask me when or how, or even how long they can scrounge up new material, but they will! Until then, keep your head on your shoulders. Use duct tape if necessary.

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Aaand I'm back! Now ifonly I had a plan before writing this...)

*Inside the Massassi offices...*

Geb: Good one Krig, bringing Burby in like that kept us from having to open another plot hole. Now we only need to get Darkside and "They" back into the picture, and perhaps some other forgotten bad guys...

Ante: BLARG! I can't think of any more ideas! The anime women keep distracting me...

Otter: You always say that!

Randy: So does anybody know where to take this story now?

*They all sit in silence, their attept to think of ideas is visibly evident as they hit their heads like Winnie-the-Pooh. Geb stares outside his window to see The Admiral's command Center's offices. Taking out his binoculars, Geb peers over into the windows.*

*His vision passes through many windows: One with a lab, with scantily-clad women creating Singleplayer levels for JediKnight and MotS, another with a well-endowed woman reviewing a level, and yet another with men like themselves, writing as they did, surrounded by women in bikinis.*

Geb: *to himself* Perhaps I should apply there...

*Geb takes a closer look with his binoculars to find that the writers are writing a story called "Massassi Wars", and that below in the streets, their story is drawing crowds of people. Smiling with an evil thought in his head, Geb turns around to the other writers*

Geb: I have an idea! Let's have our heroes be the bad guys! And they can be fighting against a rebellion in the Massassi Empire, and they call themselves the TACCers...

Krig: This sound familiar

Geb: Hush you! Got any better ideas?

*Meanwhile, in the realm of our heroes...*

Geb: Ack! Why am I wearing a stormtrooper outfit! I don't want to be a bad guy! Get it off!

Maybe: This new change feels awefully funny.

Krig: Krig smell plagerism.

Maybe: What did you say?

Krig: Er...Krig smell something fishy.

*Maybe rolls her eyes, swearing that she heard Krig say a big word.*

Oh no! Will our writers succumb to plagerism! Will our heroes turn evil? If you keep clapping your hands, the writers might feel your attention and turn to their own demented ideas. Money usually helps too...
----------------------

"Your father was a hampster and your mother smelt of elderberries!" -Monty Python and the Holy Grail

~Geb

[Gebohq]

Dum-dum-DUUUUUUUUM!

*Silence falls upon the story*

*clears throat* Dum-DUM-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM!

*The silence continues.*

*to the writers* Pssst! Hey you! Yes, you guys. This is where you write our heroes out of the clutches of plagerism and laziness. Oh right, I forgot who I was talking to...

[Randy]

&lt;NSP: Since we are in a television we can do this...&gt;

&lt;In reality...&gt;

* As our writers search themselves for ideas, Randy's eyes fall upon a small plastic case near the television. *

Randy: Hmmm......

* Randy races to his computer and begins to type furiously as the others watch the flatscreen carefully. *

&lt; In story... &gt;

* As our heros run from Morris they notice someone approaching the television in which they are trapped, The teenage individual produces a disc from a case and places it inside the gray box marked Playstation. *

Sem: What tha???

Ante: It's..it's..Final Fantasy VII!!!

* The screen flickers and our heros find themselves upon a grassy plain surrounded by mountains and forests... *

Geb: Wow...

Krig: Ooooo...pretty.

* It is then that our heros notice that their cloths and forms have changed. Geb spies the massive sword in his hands and realizes that he is Cloud Strife. Ante tugs at his cape and finds that He is Vincent Valentine. Sem eyes the spear in his possesion and says, "Heh, Cid Highwinds the name, piloting is my game." Krig finds that his right arm is replaced with a large gun. "Krig is Barret" he says. Losien notices the staff in her hand and the dress she wears. "Aeris Gainsborough here. http://216.105.160.32/html/smile.gif " she says. Maybe notes her fingerless gloves and shapely form and says, "I'm Tifa!! Woohoo, I'm a girl, thanks Randy the writer!!! By the way, where is Randy?" "Down here..." comes a voice. All look to find a large, red-furred, lion-like creature. "..I'm Red XIII." says Randy. A teenage girl walks up looking sheepish. "Darn. I'm Yuffy." says Masetto. Masetto's spirits lift when he finds that Otter is worse off then he. "I'M CAIT SITH!!! AHHHHHHHRRRGGGG, RANDY!!!!" cries Otter. *

Maybe: I don't know, I think you look kinda cute. In a furry stuffed animal way. http://216.105.160.32/html/smile.gif

Otter: Shut up!

Geb: &lt;snort&gt; It's not..&lt;choke&gt;..that..&lt;snicker&gt;..bad.

Otter: You to!!

* Maybe walks over and hugs Otter *

Maybe: Just like a teddy bear. http://216.105.160.32/html/smile.gif

Otter: Uhh...I see your point Geb. http://216.105.160.32/html/biggrin.gif

Geb: Hey, that's not what I ment!

Maybe: Keep your shirt on Geb, I'm just making him feel better about himself.

Otter: ..and you suceeded with flying colors. http://216.105.160.32/html/biggrin.gif

Maybe: Hush you.

Randy: I suggest that we find out who and or where is Sephiroth and complete the game in order to return to the outer realms.

Krig: Krig head hurt.

Randy: &lt;sigh&gt; We beat bad man and go home.

Krig: Ohh..Krig like plan. Krig get to bash bad man. http://216.105.160.32/html/biggrin.gif

All(but Krig): &lt;sigh&gt;

Geb: Anyway, Ran..err..Red's right. Let's get this over with.

* And with that our heros begin on their long trek for justice... *

&lt; What will our heros endure? Where are their enemies now, if anywhere, and what are they plotting? Tune in next time for our next exciting issue of The Neverending Story. &gt;

[Krig the Viking]

*Darkside, malingering within Semievil's head, watched the proceedings through Sem's eyes. He'd seen many strange things, but his time was not now. His time was next Friday... on next Friday, he would unleash a storm of power so furious, none would be able to even gaze upon his countenence for fear. Next Friday... Darkside frowned. How long would it take until it became next Friday? It seemed like weeks, indeed years had passed but... had it really been only one day? It had to be more than that! Darkside pondered carefully... no, he was right! In the entire since he had joined the story (and before, when he'd been watching on PayPerView), only one day had passed! At this rate, it would never be next Friday! Darkside frowned. He would overcome this difficulty, if it took him an arm and a leg... or his sanity...*

------------------
"The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him." (Proverbs 18:17)

[MaybeChild]

NSP: Ok, well we know this story has REALLY departed from reality, cos there ain't no way I'd be showing that much affection to Otter http://216.105.160.32/html/wink.gif. But it's ok, cos I have cool gloves http://216.105.160.32/html/biggrin.gif

*In the offices*
Maybe, having absolutely no idea what to do as a Final Fantasy character, sits back and starts strumming her guitar, picking out a haunting tune. Masetto, having been squeezed out of the space around the Playstation, walks over, grumbling about his character.

Maybe: Well considering I made Randy Jubilee, luv. . . *snicker*

------------------
"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

[This message has been edited by MaybeChild (edited January 22, 2001).]

[Gebohq]

*In the realms of Final fantasy, our heroes find themselves at a loss. Well, one hero anyways...*

Geb: So what's up with me always being the leader? To be honest, I haven't a clue what this place is like. Though this sword does rock...

Randy: That'll make it all the more intersting.

Ante: Oh yes, a leader who hasn't a clue what he's doing. Sounds like a real nice death wish for all of us...

Losien: *starting to brush Randy/Red's fur on his back with her hand* That's a good dog, yeees...

Randy: *to audience* And you were all wondering why I'd want to be this character.

Otter: *moving his hands over his new er...curvy body* I think I'm going to start to like this, a whoooole lot...

Maybe: *slapping Otter on the back of the head* Hey hey! This isn't the place to be doing that kind of stuff.

Otter: Well I can do it in private, and you're welcome to join me http://216.105.160.32/html/wink.gif http://216.105.160.32/html/wink.gif.

*Maybechild shivers and quickly steps away from TheOtter.*

Geb: Well, anyways, since I don't have a clue what to do, somebody else is going to have to help me out on this, ok?

*Meanwhile, in the Massassi offices, the writers grow bored as Randy plays his Playstation, and a few try to take control of the game by force.*

*A mass of flailing arms, legs, and obsenities can be seen in front of the T.V. Meanwhile, Gebohq slinks to a dark corner to continue writing a story of his own.*

Who will gain control of our heroes and of their fate in the Final Fantasy game? How will our heroes cope with a lost leader? Is it true that Sephiroth doesn't regularly shower? This, and more--

Loading...Please Wait...

Who the hell are you?

[b]I'm the new voice of action. I'm new, I'm quick-to-the-point, and I come fully automated in the Final Fantasy package. So move over, old man![b]

*gasp* Am I, the narrator, truely pushed aside in the heroes new quest? Do I really go on and on, saying things nobody wants to hear? Am I out-dated, ka-put, bucket-the-kicked...
-------------------------------------------
"Yeah, well the best defense is a good offense. You know who said that? Mel, the cook on 'Alice'" -Unknown

~Geb

[Randy]

cyberfox.8k.com/gshot1.jpg

* Please forgive the image but I felt that it would better illustrate who is who and show that Otter REALLY got the short end of the stick. http://216.105.160.32/html/smile.gif *

&lt;Back in the Story...&gt;

Geb: Well, I've never seen this kind of place in my entire life. &lt;Glances at Maybe and Losien&gt; But I...think I can get used to it. http://216.105.160.32/html/biggrin.gif Anyway, I have no Idea where we are so someone is going to have to give me a hand. Randy, you got us into this mess and you ARE going to get us OUT.

* Randy looks around, takes a couple of healthy sniffs of the air and says... *

Randy:...Sunscreen...hmmm, we must be near Costa Del Sol.

Geb: Is that good?

Randy: Costa Del Sol is a beach-front resort town on the second continent of this planet. Major commoditie: Tourism. It contains a seaport, an inn, several stores, a bar, and of course the beach. It...

Sem: Shut up and sum it up!!

Randy: Basically fun, sun, and Anime chicks in bikinis.

&lt;Suddenly there is a clap of thunder...&gt;

Losien: Hey, where did Ante get off to?

Krig: OWWWW!!! KRIG FOOT ON FIRE!!!

* As or heros rush to extinguish Krig's foot then notice two flaming streaks leading from where Ante was standing in the direction which Randy indicated the resort town was... *

Masetto: I think we should go that way. http://216.105.160.32/html/wink.gif

Sem: I don't think I've ever seen Ante run so fast in all my life.

Randy: Well, one thing is for sure, I would hate to be the monster between Costa Del Sol and Ante.

Maybe: Monsters?

* Just then a HUGE, gray snake crawls out from behind a equally huge rock and glares at our heros... *

Losien: Uhh...guys?

Krig: Krig smash!!

Randy: Uhh...if that thing does what I think it's going to do then we're done for.

Geb: What do you suggest we do then?

Randy: RUN!!!

* As ou heros turn tail and run after Ante, we find our "diligent" hero on the beach soaking up the rays...and the scenery as twenty or more Anime chicks (in bikinies) play upon the beach. http://216.105.160.32/html/wink.gif *

Ante: &lt;whisper&gt; Is this heaven?? http://216.105.160.32/html/biggrin.gif

* Meanwhile [NSP usage count: 701] our heros marvel at the destruction left in the wake of their compatriot: Ante *

Krig: Look at funny-shaped hole in rock, Ante funny. http://216.105.160.32/html/smile.gif

Geb: Yeah, his is rather "funny".

Maybe: Yeah, funny in the head.

Otter: Hey, that's my line!

Maybe: Can it "Puff'n'Stuff"!

Masetto: Heh...

* Losien notices several "monsters" that look like overused door mats... *

Losien: I see Randy's assumptions about Ante were right.

* As our heros near Costa Del Sol there is one thought on our hero's minds: How's the food in Costa Del Sol? Tune in next time to find out. *

&lt;NSP: Don't worry about "violating" the Final Fantasy story line. After all we are here to expend our "goofyness" and go out in public as "normal". http://216.105.160.32/html/smile.gif &gt;

[Krig the Viking]

*As our heroes continue along the trail of destruction, the city of Costa Del Sol on the horizon, Krig wanders along beside the group, in the grass. He sees a flower and stops, stooping to pick it up.*

Krig:"Hmm, ground seem farther away than normal. Something funny."

*Krig looks at his own arms*

Krig:"Krig have big arms. Krig like big arms. Big arms help Krig smash."

*Krig approaches the band of semi-heroic heroes, towering over them by at least a foot.*

Krig:"Why Krig's friends so small?"

Geb:"Uh, Krig, we're not small, you're just big."

Krig:"You shorter than Krig shoulder now!"

Maybe:"No, Krig, you're taller now."

Krig:"Ya, Krig taller than friends now. Krig friends shrink!"

Sem:"Yes, Krig, we've all somehow shrunken to less than three feet tall. Think, man! Isn't it more likely that you're bigger, than it is that we're all smaller?"

Krig:"Krig not tall. Ground far away. Krig afraid of heights."

*Krig gets on his hands and knees, in order to keep is acrophobia in containment.*

Krig:"Ground not far away now. Hey, Krig's friends get taller again! Krig happy now."

*Everyone sighs or otherwise indicates some form of emotion, and turns to head into town.*

Post Ended. Please wait for further notifi--

Move over, you little snot. Tune in next time for more daring action, suspense, drama, suspense, romance, suspense, and suspense! Will our heroes ever - ow!

That's for pushing me. Ahem. Please wait for further notifica-- OW! You'll pay for that, old man!

***Technical Difficulties. Please stand by.***

------------------
"The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him." (Proverbs 18:17)

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited January 23, 2001).]

[Antestarr]

*Ante, whilst lounging on a beach sipping a drink from a coconut shell, realizes something is amiss...*

Ante:... Wait a minute... I'm on a beach wearing a long trenchcoat (reminicsent of Vash the Stampede), relaxing when I actually prefer the company of a gun to that of a person, and looking at women when the only woman my character would have ever looked at in this way is dead and buried somewhere behind a waterfall... oops.

*Ante quickly regains his composure and takes on the persona of the cool-under-pressure homicidal maniac aka Vincent. Suddenly Maybe rushes onto the beach after following the trail of burnt grass and trampled monsters, followed by the other party members.*

Maybe: *announcing attack* "BOOT TO THE HEAD!"

!SHHHHWUMP!

Ante: Ow! You booted me in the head! *cocks gun* I'd like to see you try that on me again!

Maybe: "BOOT TO THE HEAD!"

!SHHHHWUMP!

Ante: OW!!! Stop that!

*As the others stare dumbfounded, Ante takes multiple boots to the head. Meanwhile, in the semi-real world outside of the TV a strange event happens. Through a mis-wiring of a second Playstation to the televison, the world of FF7 crosses with another world, somewhat similar, just as dangerous... A large black cylinder lowers from the sky over the ocean near the coastal town, sucks up Emerald Weapon and eats it, absorbing its power, and grows a face. It begins to taunt the heroes mercilessly.*

Large cylindrical grey thing with a face: I am ZOPHAR, dark lord of dark lords, bringer of destructive desctruction, head of the department of redundency dept. Cower in fear, for I shall consume your world and reshape it in my own twisted image.

Geb: Uhhh... uh oh....

*Can our heroes possibly beat two RPGs at the same time? Who is behind this splicing of PS games? Did next Friday actually arrive? Tune in next time...*

[Randy]

&lt;NSP:*Stupid*PS*mod*chips...* http://216.105.160.32/html/biggrin.gif*&gt;

[MaybeChild]

In the offices, Maybe, who is getting demmed confused by all these piddling video games the boys are playing, continues playing her guitar. Her melancholy medieval tunes keep pouring into the room, and Losien, also tiring of the playstation, leans on Maybe's desk, humming along. Finally, Maybe realizes that she's lost track of where the story has been going.

Maybe: *reading the posts of the past few days* La, but Ante is strange! *glances over her shoulder at the boys, still crowded hypnotically about the playstation* Los, let's see if we can make things a little more... interesting. *eg* Alter their costumes a bit... Begad, who are their tailors? How frightfully drab! First, give those boots a dapper strap, the garters MUST have some snap; oh, cravats should be flounced about their necks, they need stitching on their caps (how bewitching!); gotta drape the capes, puff the cuffs, oh and we absolutely HAVE TO embroider those lapels! Hmm.... oh, we need to smock their frocks, perfume their plumes... And now to finish with some buttons, buckles, ruffles, and lace... Viola! Splendid! It's amazing what a good bit of frou-frou can do for a man, isn't it, Losien? *Losien nods happily*

Maybe starts triumphantly singing "La but someone has to strike a pose and bear the weight of well-tailored clothes, and that is why the Lord created men!"



[This message has been edited by MaybeChild (edited January 26, 2001).]

[Gebohq]

Geb the writer: Eureaka! I have the most brilliant idea for the next episode!

*The other writers jump up, exclaiming "what?" and "tell us". Geb continues to stand upright, with his finger pointed in the sky, as if to speak, but his mouth stays open as he tries to utter words. His eyes then start to wonder, as if trying to find something. He relaxes his body and takes the finger pointing at teh sky and places it on his chin.*

Geb the writer: I had the idea just a moment ago...don't ja hate when that happens?

*The others sigh, and continue to go about their business.*
----------------------------------------
"I'm a Mog: part man, part dog. I'm my own best friend!" --John Candy, Spaceballs

~Geb

[Semievil333]

Sem, realizing that Maybe has been absent from the story TV for quite some time, decides to see what is up. Poking his head into her office, he spotted Maybe's latest project, and sounded the alarm-fancy clothing is quite dangerous. Otter and Krig came immediately, and all three elected to follow the direction taken by Sem's computer.

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[Gebohq]

*In the Massassi offices, three bodies could be seen jumping out of a high window. The first, whom we know as Semievil, took a swan dive through the window, landing in the pool conveniently below them. The second, TheOtter, leaped Matrix-style off the ledge, stopping in mid-air with the camera spinning around him, before flipping into the pool. Krig followed with a cannonball, making a huge splash in the water.*

*Gebohq, having heard the news of Maybechild's diabolical plans late, ran panting towards the window. Stretching his arms out, he threw his body out the window, looking a lot like some fear-stricken Superman. Before his feet left the window sill though, Maybe and Losien grabbed hold of Geb's feet, stopping his foreward momentum. Gravity, remembering that it never took a break from it's job, pulled Geb's body down hard onto the building's side. Geb wispered an "owie" as Maybe and Losien pulled his flattened body up the side of the building and back through the window.*

*The three escaped writers looked up to witness Gebohq's capture, and pitied the poor fool.*

*Inside the offices, Gebohq struggled as Maybe and Losien strapped on the frilly shirts, the shiny pants, and the gaudy jewelry. Then came the makeup and hair gel.*

Geb: NO! Not the hair! Not the makeup! AHHHHHH!!!!

*Randy, still guiding the actions of the heroes via the Playstations, turns around to see Geb, who looks like a combination of Prince, Boy George, and Sting. Geb points at him.*

Geb: Don't you say a word, you got that?

Randy: *trying to hold back his snickering* ok...

Geb: And hey! How come they haven't tried anything with you?

Randy: SHHH!! I've been hiding when they've come in--

*Mayebchild and Losien pop in, when their eyes spy Randy.*

Maybe: There he is!

Randy: AHH!!

*Randy tries desperately to flee as Geb and the others had, only to be restrained by Maybe and Losien. The two women dragged Randy into their personal room. Gebohq thought to himself that, under any other circumstances, he'd count himself lucky to be in a room with only two other women. Grabbing the controller, he was about to continue where Randy left off. An idea struck him though, and Gebohq dug for a Gameshark...*
--------------------------------

*In the realm of our heroes, the ominous shadow of the giant ZOPHAR tube-guy looms above the resort.*

Geb: Yeup, we're screwed.

*A flash of white blinds everyone, and when everyone regains their vision, nothing seems to have changed.*

Otter: *to Ante* Do you feel like a chunk of time was ommited from our memory?

Ante: Yes, but look here! I have every inventory item I can think of.

Otter: So you do. Hm...I don't remember holding this BFG in my hand before...

Sem: Praise be the writers! They have bestowed upon us gifts of whoop-@ss!

ZOPHAR: Uh-oh...

Geb: Sha-weet! I can moon-jump!

*As Geb started to float in the air, Zophar emits a powerful blue laser beam at him, but it appeared to have no effect.*

Geb: Invul, niiice.

*Geb takes a careless punch at the huge cylinder, which promptly flashes as if injured and crashes into the water below.*

Geb: I am the chosen one!

Ante: No you're not. We all just have hacks on.

Geb: Hush you, don't burst my bubble.

*The whole background sizzles in static, and our heroes find themselves standing face to face with Sephiroth.*

Maybe: Oh-oh! My turn to summon a glitch!

*As Maybechild attempts to summon a debug character, the surroundings freeze, and our heroes find themselves paralyzed.*
----------------------------------------
*Randy, having been violated as Geb has, staggers back in to find Geb guiding our hereos with the use of a Gameshark.*

Randy: *gasp* You violated the game! And now look what you did! You froze it! Now what are we going to do?

Geb: *trying to look innocent* Uhh...kareoke?

Finally, got the wanna-be narrator to shut up. *ahem* Will our hereos be frozen in this state for all eternity? Will Randy and Geb the writers stop feeling pretty? Will Maybe and Losien stop their reign of terror? Tune in and find out, right here. Well, ok, right below here.
--------------------------------

"You have two things here, jack and ****, and jack just left town" -Army of Darkness

~Geb

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited January 28, 2001).]

[MaybeChild]

NSP: Sink me! I forgot to say what exactly you guys were wearing, therefore you all mistakenly took my meaning to be Prince-ish.
*Still in the offices*

MaybeChild, admiring the work of her musical fop-o-matic, grins at the guys in front of her, dressed in full frou-frou and looking quite dashing in their pastel animal print frock coats with matching-colored breeches, high-heeled 18th century shoes, plumed hats, and really frilly jabots (ruffly kind of things that take the place of a cravat).

Geb: er, Maybe....
Otter: People are gonna laugh at me!
Sem: They don't already? Maybe, couldn't you have given me something in black?
Maybe: La! how frightfully drab!
Masetto: Actually, I quite like this look. It's rather... Summery!
Maybe: Does he scare anyone else?

------------------
"See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

[Antestarr]

*Meanwhile, in the office of Antestarr the writer, a quick e-mail with attached pictures shows up on his computer.*

Antestarr: Thank goodness I got the transfer to the second office several-thousand miles away. Now if there were only more writers out here...

[Gebohq]

*In the writers' offices...*

Geb: Waaait a minute. Didn't you guys *points to Sem, Krig and Otter* jump out the window and escape? But you're here now, dressed as I am. And I'm not quite looking like Prince, Sting, or Boy George, but something out of The Scarlet Pipernickel.

Maybe: The godess that supported me changed that. Guess she forgot to erase your memory.

Krig: Krig's head hurts.

Maybe: Well, you see, our universe as we know it is actually only one in an innumerable other ones, each different because of a certain event that has, is, or will happen in the universe. *pulls out a quantum physics book* This stuff is pretty interesting.

*Meanwhile, in the offices of the "gods"...*

Geb's god: No no, don't bore the audience with quantum physics.

Maybe's godess: I can do whatever I want thank-you-very-much.

Geb's god: Suit yourself. But my part stays.

*The camera pans back, zooming away from the gods, through the stars, and enlarges to become people who still look vaguely familiar to the writers.*

Sem's equivilant: We weren't ever suppose to have personal messages with the gods. Now it's going to get confusing.

Otter's equivilant: It hasn't already?

Sem's equivilant: Uh-oh, the camera doesn't know when to stop now...

*The camera continues to zoom backwards, showing quicker and quicker the world, teh universe, blackness, the writers, the world, etc. The sound of tires squeling to a stop is made as the camera finally stops with a shot of the world. The camera zooms back in in a flash of colors, and we now see our heroes. Spinning in all its magnificance before them is a mystical swirl.*

Losien: Oh wonderful, the "great" writers have screwed up again.

Sem: PLOT HOLE!!!!

*Everyone braces themselves as the mystical swirl embraces them. Somehow now, the events beforehand seem perfectly logical and continuous.*

Ante: So where were we?

Otter: Frozen in place?

Ante: Oh right.

*Our heroes now promptly paralyze, due to the use of the Gameshark.*

*In the writer's offices, the male writers have now seemed to have grown a knack for the clothing, especially since the nearby women seemed to like them for being "cultured and sophisticated". Krig licks his hand and wipes his hair back as he follows one of the nearby...er..."interns".*

........Wha-? Oh yeah... What's going to happen to our heroes now? Er...blah blah blah, yakkity-smakkity, tune in next time...er..and stuff. Can I take my break now
--------------------------------------------
"...and there was much rejoicing.(yey)" -Monty Python and the Holy Grail

~Geb

[Krig the Viking]

*Desperately wanting to keep Neverending Story alive, but feeling his brain sapped of creative energy, Krig the Writer bumps NES up to the top of the forum.*

------------------
"The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him." (Proverbs 18:17)

[Randy]

&lt;As the writers plot yet another 'plot hole', there comes a knock at the door. Geb opens the door to find Brian standing in the hall.&gt;

Sem: &lt;GASP&gt; IT'S THE BOSS!!

Brian: Ok?? Now I remember why we gave you the end office on this dark hallway. http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif

Geb: So, What's up?

&lt;It is at this point that Geb notices large numbers of burly, unionized laborers moving office funiture and supplies from the neighboring offices&gt;

Geb: Uhhh...are we being evicted??

Brian: Actually that's what I came here for. I...

Otter: NO!!! YOU CAN'T THROW US OUT INTO THE STREETS!!! Where will we go? What will we do? You know they don't PAY writers in the REAL world. We'll go hungry, we'll STARVE!!! For the love of humanity...You...

All: SHUT UP!!!

Brian: ...uhh...actually, I came to inform you that MASSASSI INC. is moving to a new office building, therefore you will move all of your stuff to the new building.

Ante: WooHoo!!! New office, new office...bum bum chaa, bum chaa...

&lt;With that the writers begin dancing ah la disco...&gt;

Brian: Uhh...right...new office.

&lt;A couple days later our writers converge at the location of the new office building. With it's gleaming exterior and towering majesty, it dominates the surrounding skyline.&gt;

Geb: Well, this is it 1234 eUniverse St.

Randy: Right, let us unpack and get into the new office.

&lt;Just then a large helicopter can be heard flying in low from behind the prolific writers.&gt;

Krig: Hey, cool...it's carrying a building!

Losien: Wow, That's an ugly building.

Maybe: Uhh...peeps...that's OUR building.

&lt; The helicopter flys around the MASSASSI INC. building and carefully places the Forums building right next to the MASSASSI building. Just then Brian comes out of the MASSASSI INC. building...&gt;

Brian: Hey guys and gals, what's up.

Geb: Why is the forums building being airlifted here?

Brian: Well, we wanted to save money so...we just moved the building here and man was it cheap. Oh, by the way, ya'll can move back into your office any time. Laters...

&lt; Our writers begin to unpack their thing in the NSP office. &gt;

Maybe: Poo...no new office.

Sem: Oh well...

&lt; Randy walks over to the window and opens the shade revealing a brick wall flush against the window... &gt;

Randy: Looks like no more 'flying computers'.

&lt; Masetto opens the window on the next wall... &gt;

Masetto: Well this one seem operational. http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Krig: Well, it looks like it's back to the grind.

&lt; As our writers get settled into their new/old office they hope the move will clear their weary minds and alow the ideas to flow like water...&gt;

[Masetto]

*Within the offices, the writers unpack and prepare themselves for more work*

Masetto: I do look rather dashing, don't I? *Admires himself in the mirror, still wearing the outfit given to him by Maybe*
Otter: No, you don't!
Masetto: What!? How dare you!
Otter: Hahaha, you look really stupid...
Masetto: You moron, you're wearing the same thing I am except its in a different color!
Otter: I still say you look stupid

*He leaves the room, walks down the hall, and enters his office, laughing all the while*

Maybe: Well I think you look dashing
Masetto: Ah, thanks Maybe http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

*He goes back to admiring himself in the mirror, constantly turning and posing and different ways*

(A solo violin is heard playing an eerie melody, like something out of a horror movie)

Geb: Ah! Unpacking finished! Time to get down to work... let me see let me see....

(The violin's notes become a little louder)
*Geb stares at the cursor on his screen*

Maybe: What are you going to write about Geb?
Geb: I don't know... got any ideas?
Maybe: No, nothing at the moment....
Randy: Hey guys! There's this other Playstation RPG that I th--
All: NOOOO!
Randy: Sheesh! Just thought I'd ask...

(The violin's tempo increases slightly, and the sound gets gradually louder and louder)

Randy: You know, maybe one of the playstation action games would be fun to the basis of a plot like--
Sem: Ni! No more playstation for you!

*So saying, Sem decides to use a Masetto tactic against Randy. Sem runs over to the playstation and snatches it up, then makes a bee-line for the window.*

Randy: NOOOOOO!

*Sem smiles evily as unlatches the window with one hand, the Playstation in the other. He closes his eyes, feeling immersed in the power that envelopes him. He chuckles to himself as he openes the window with one hand and thinks of how it was he who had lost his machine to a window, but now it is he who possesses the power. The window clicks, indicating it is fully open, and Sem, with his eyes still closed, goes to throw the Playstation out the window into oblivion*

(The violin music intensifies, building more and more suspense with ever note)

*The playstation soars through the air after leaving Sem's hand, and plummets to the ground where it shatters into thousands of small pieces.

Sem: HA!
Randy: *sobbing* no!
Geb: Cool!
Maybe: Hehehe!
Sem: You know, thats A LOT more fun when it happens to someone else
Geb: Haha, too bad it wasn't Masetto's playstation, then you'd have been returning the favor
Krig: Where Masetto go?
Maybe: Yes... where did he go? Did anybody see where he went?

(Violin music becomes louder and louder, accelerating in speed with every passing moment)

*The others shrug*

Krig: He walked out of room. He say something about Otter....
Maybe: Oh no!

(The violin begins to play so fast that the notes begin to screech, and soon all that can be heard is dissonance)

*Masetto bursts into Otter's office with a wild look in his eyes*

Masetto: OTTER! STOP PLAYING THAT STUPID VIOLIN!!! ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY!

*Otter removes the violin from his shoulder and puts it down in its case. Masetto, satisfied, steps out of Otter's office and goes to rejoin the others*

Geb: Now where was I?
Krig: You try think of story.

*Masetto enters*

Maybe: Maybe you could do something that involved the Scarlet Pimpernel http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif
Geb: Well...I...er....
Maybe: Why not? You already have a sampling of the clothing for the story

*She indicates to Masetto's clothing*

Geb: I don't know....

*Maybe gives him a sharp look*

Geb: Um... I'll...er... think about it....

*Maybe closes in*

Geb: Well...er...YEA! SURE! YES!

*Maybe smiles and starts towards Masetto, who is feverishly typing*

Geb: &lt;Whew&gt;
Maybe: (To Masetto) Hey, what're you working on?
Masetto: You gave me the best idea!
Maybe: You mean you're writing something involving Pimpy!?
Masetto: Well... uh... no... but you talking about that gave me an idea! See, the Scarlet Pimpernel, in its stage form, is a musical, which got me thinking how cool it would be if the story we were writing was an opera!
Maybe: Oh...
Krig: Opera!?
Geb: Um...
Sem: Ni! Not opera!

THE OPERA

*Geb appears center stage as the Curtains rise. He sings with orchestral accompanyment, while wearing a herald's uniform.*

Geb:
Sing me your song O Muse of wonder,
thy saddest song known by thy breath,
Sing soft as rain, loud as thunder,
of a tale full of betrayal and death.

*Maybe appears on a descending platform Upstage Center, dressed as a Muse in a flowing white garnment*

Maybe:
This is the sad, sad tale I shall sing,
The tale full of death and betrayal;
I shall sing of Krig the Viking,
And of a friendship gone sour and stale.

*The curains close as the orchestra plays the cadence to the end of the song. Soon the curtains re-open and Krig is CS, and is (Oddly enough) dressed as a viking, ready for combat. Other vikings surround him, similarly dressed for battle.

Krig:
Me Krig! Me your king!
You kill them!
You kill like fierce viking!
You kill Sem!

*Sem appears dressed as a Roman Official [hehe] with dozens of Roman soldiers behind him*

Vikings:
We kill! We kill them!
We kill the romans
And the evil Sem!

We kill! We kill them!
WE kill the romans
And the evil Sem!

Sem:
Yonder is the foolish foe!
Over there by the large tree!
Win men win! You all know
that if you don't I shall say "ni!"

Shall say "Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..."

*Enter Maybe as the Muse from UL, gracefully walking across the platform against the back of the stage. All other action on stage is frozen.*

Maybe:
Alas poor Krig knew not at all
of the battle that he was to endure;
That all of his men would fall--
All except for Masetto, the Traitor....

*All exit as Masetto Enters DR, dressed in a viking outfit. He is surrounded by ten women-- five dressed in white, the other five in black, the colors representing the moral and immoral aspects of his mind.*

Masetto:
Krig the villan, Krig the hero!
Krig the Generous? Ha!-- Krig the Thief!
He gets all the credit-- I get zero!
Of this torture I must get relief....

Its time to kill, time to plunder
all the greatness and good he does get,
Its time to tear his image asunder
and give it me, who deserves it!

I shall--
--------------------------------------------

*BACK IN THE OFFICES*

Masetto: NO! HEY! WAIT! STOP!

*The sound of a computer hitting the pavement echos throughout the vicinity of the office building. Sem stands by the window with an exstatic look on his face*

Sem: At last! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! GOTCHA!
Krig: Sem's Revenge!
Masetto: *wimpering* But... but.... my opera! I had EVERYTHING on that computer, and no back-ups!

*All cheer at the reassurance of the Opera's demise*

Randy: Good!
Masetto: Hey! I resent that! Guys, c'mon, it was good....... wasn't it?

*A cricket chirps in one of the corners of the office for a few moments*

Masetto: Fine then! I'm going up to Circut City to get a new computer!

*He makes for the door to leave when there is a knock. Masetto opens the door to find a police officer standing in front of him. A look of sudden surprise and alarm crosses everyone's face, only to be quicly masked by innocent smiles*

Maybe: Oh... hello officer, what can we do for you?
Officer: There have been several reports of objects being thrown from the windows of this building. This is of course a violation of littering and reckless endangerment laws. I am placing you all under arrest.
All: WHAT!?
Officer: And gentlemen, might I add, I love the outfits....
Maybe: Hehehe!
Sem: This is hardly the time to be laughing...
Masetto: Might as well make the best of the situation... and hey, if you're going to be arrested, might as well be arrested with style!
*Ante, Krig, Geb, Otter, and Randy groan while Maybe smiles contentedly*

WHAT IS TO BECOME OF THE WRITERS? CAN THEY AFFORD A DECENT LAWYER? WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE NES? IS THIS THE END OF MASETTO'S OPERA? STAY TUNED TO THE NES TO FIND OUT!

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Good stuff Masetto. Her'es a REAL short thing, but I hope inspires someone else...)

*In the realm of our heroes, Geb and company find themselves in a vast void. Literally: the undescribable in a boring kind of way type. Our hereos find themselves feeling undescribable and empty as well.*

Geb: Well, at least we're not frozen anymore...

Otter: Yeah, but what the hell is going to happen now? I can't even decide what to do, like I have no free will. Wa-a-heeeeeyta minute...

Ante: Ruh-roh.

Sem: Ruh-roh? Don't say that! That doens't sound like a good thing.

Ante: Can you feel it...?

Sem: Eeep! The presence of the writers! They're...gone!. Except for...*gasp* Sh**!
---------------------------------------------
*Outside the Massassi's forum offices, Gebohq, Otter, Semievil, Maybechild, Randy, Krig, and Antestarr are being handcuffed and walked to the police cars as they are read their rights.*

Ante: I knew I shouldn't have left that secondary office 2,000 miles away! At least I'm not wearing the frilly outfit...

Officer: Stop your whining!

*Gebohq looks up to the windows to see Losien waving them a cheerful goodbye, as if they're going on some vacation. Gebohq thinks to himself "Uh-oh, she's going to be the only one for now writing for the Neverending Soty Thread. This isn't good..."*

*Inside the offices, Losien looks at her computer with deep thought, thinking what would be best for the story...*

What will happen to our heroes under the hands of Loien, now burdened with the weight of the entire thread? What will happen to the writers? Why--hey! Let Go of me! I didn't do anything wrong! Arrest by association? That's ridiculous...Tune in next time folks! I'm waiting to find the answers myself! *gets dragged off by the same police who arrested the writers*

(NSP: OK, so maybe a tad longer than short...)

~Geb

[Krig the Viking]

(ROFLMAO!! Massetto, that's the funniest NES post I've read in a long time! This story is coming out of its slump!)


(Or it would be, if I could think of something to write...)

------------------
"The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him." (Proverbs 18:17)

[Semievil333]

NSP

*Sem appears dressed as a Roman Official [hehe] with dozens of Roman soldiers behind him*

=P I don't blame myself for disposing of that comp- I otta crucify you again for that ;D

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[Gebohq]

NSP: Yes, it must have taken an incredibly long time to write such a good post Mason. Don't listen to those people who tell you that you've lost that hour you took writing that post forever to better pursuits...yes, it was good...good post...did I mention it was good?...(tries desperately to stall for time to think up posts).

~Geb

[Antestarr]

*In a daring attempt at crossing pop-culture, former pop-culture, and cult culture, Ante comes up with a semi-brilliant idea that may send this story on yet another wildly spinning tangent.*

Ante: Ok, guys, since you somehow managed to pull me through a space fold into the "new" old offices again from my remote assignment, and now we're arrested, I feel the need to pull a "Macguyver"(tm). Now, I'm going to need a few things... First I need a sheet of paper.

*Geb tears a piece of paper off of his notepad.*

Ante: Ok, next I need a pencil.

*Maybe fumbles around in her purse for ten minutes, finally procuring a finely sharpened #2 pencil with full eraser.*

Ante: And last but not least, I need an egg, preferrably old.

*Everybody looks about dumbfounded, wondering where they could find something so strange. Finally, Sem smacks Otter upside the head and an egg pops out of his mouth.*

Otter: Hey, how'd that work?!

Sem: Otter... synonym for water-going Weasel. Or close enough.

Otter: Oh...

*Ante proceeds to scribble on the paper, occasionally stopping to think. Finally he shows the crew a sketch of a line with a circle and an X on it.*

Randy: Ok... and this will help us how?

Ante: Glad you asked. What I am about to create is a paradox. You see, this line represents the timeline of our story. The X is where we are now, being driven to the precinct. The circle is an arbitrary moment prior to our arrest. Now, what I plan to do with this egg here is combine the power of all those who are with us now to create a dimensional divergence at that point, in essence creating a parallel reality in which we are not arrested, but rather go on a wacky quest ourselves leaving our alter-egoes hanging in the balance between life and the reset button.

Geb: Oh... OK.

*The egg, raised into the air and concentrated on by the writers, begins to glow subtly then to shine brilliantly. Seen from a distance fourth dimensionally, the police car leaves the office while at the same time another image runs off in an alternate direction...*

(NSP: Anyone may write on either timeline, or both if they wish. Heck, we may even run into ourselves through some strange twist. Lets just see how confusing this can get eh? Well, on with the post.)

*At the moment of divergence with the original reality...*

*Sem's computer falls from the window with a crash. From the wreckage, a superpowerful internet-being emerges.*

Being: I am free at last. Now to make the lives of those fools all the more interesting...

*Doing the unthinkable, the being summons powers from the darkest parts of the internet, namely www.anipike.com, (http://www.anipike.com) and does the unthinkable. Mixes two similar animes by melding the characters of the series with the writers.*

*Masetto assumes the role of Vash the Stampede, the red trenchcoat and yellow sunglass wearing protagonist with shrouded history. Destruction and violence follow him everywhere, yet he has never once claimed a life. He stands for what he believes the world is made of... "Love and Peace!"*

*Sem appears wearing a black suit and sunglasses, carrying a large cross. He is Nicholas D. Wolfwood, a man of the cloth and expert gunman, carrying many pistols and a gatling gun within said cross.*

*Maybe is cast into the body of Meryl Strife, the petite insurance agent assigned to Masetto/Vash to keep him from trouble. She acts very proper, yet carries 100 derringers "just in case".*

*Otter attains the body and personality of Milly Thompson, Meryl's right hand woman. She tends to be a ditz, yet hits the nail on the head on many subjects and carries a gatling stun-gun.*

*Geb inherits the character of Sansouke Sagara, a young man who lives as a fighter for hire. He always looks to be the best or strongest and weilds the Zanbatou, a sword so large it can only be swung up to down or side to side (it was generally used to kill the leader of a rival army, horse and all.)*

*Randy takes on Yahiko Myoujin, an orphaned child from a samurai family. He is generally presumptuous and will rush into things, wielding a wooden sword.*

*Losien becomes Kaoru Kamiya, a young lady left in charge of a swordmanship dojo, teaching people to use swords to protect, not to kill. Her temper ranges from mild to very hot, depending on the situation.*

*And finally, Ante is thrust into the body of Kenshin Himura, a man who used to kill for the army but was too good and chose to leave after the war for independence was over. He now uses a reverse-blade sword (that's a sword with the blade on the wrong side for slashing for those who couldn't figure it out), and uses a style of swordsmanship from which few people can stand after a single blow.*

*Looking at each other they realize something is horribly wrong. Can they find the being that bestowed these forms upon them? If so, can they find a way to make it make them normal again? Find out next time.....*

[This message has been edited by Antestarr (edited February 11, 2001).]

[Krig the Viking]

*Krig the writer stands dazed as his fellow story writers morph into rather frightening, bizarrly coloured, heavily weaponed cartoon figures.*

Krig the Writer:"Um..."

*Krig the Writer runs away and hides in a closet. Finding himself bored, he whips out a notepad and continues the story storyline, which seems to have been largely forgotten...*

**** ******* ****

The powerful group of heroes stands in a dark void. The only thing visible is the heroes, everything else is a pitch black void.

Maybe:"Where are we?"

Geb:"I'm not sure, but I think someone's turned off the television."

Otter:"Which would explain the lack of background! Of course!"

Sem:"Hey, what's that off in the distance? Can it be... is it... it IS!"

Geb:"We've found it! THE HOLY HAND REMOTE!"

Maybe:"Didn't that get destroyed a while back?"

Geb:"Well, if it's not the HHR, it's a remote just like it!"

*Our heroes take off running, through the inky blackness. Despite the fact that Krig's legs were the shortest of the group, and when he runs he looks like a duck, Krig reaches the HHR first.*

Krig:"Krig got it!"

Geb:"Wait Krig, don't push any of the buttons!"

*Krig pushes a random button.*

All:"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

*There is a lot of flashy special effects, which clear to reveal our heroes standing in front of a small television set in a small wooden shack.*

Geb:"Can it be? Are we finally free of the television?"

Randy:"Woa, so this is what reality's like, eh?"

Losien:"Hey, guys, where are we?"

*Ante looks out of the shacks small window.*

Ante:"We're back at the Arena, guys! Does that place follow us around or something?"

Well, I'm not entirely sure how I got out of that police car, but hey! Things are starting to happen here at the Never Ending Story! Stay tuned for more earth-shaking revelations, right below here!

------------------
"The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him." (Proverbs 18:17)

[Krig the Viking]

*Krig the Writer sits in his closet, hunched over his notepad, feverishly writing. He has no other option, if he stops writing, he may go insane...*

------------

*Meanwhile, in the alternate reality in which Antestarr the Writer creates and alternate reality, Krig the Writer sits melancholily crammed into the back of a police car with six or more people.*

------------

*Meanwhile, in the storyline, our heroes have exited the shack with the television and are standing before the massive ediface that is the Arena.*

Ante:"Weren't we in some kind of amusment park before we got sucked into the TV?"

Geb:"I'm not sure, but I think the writers messing with dimensions and crap has brought us back to the Arena. Although I don't remember it being quite like this."

*The heroes look up to a sign standing outside the Arena's main entrance. It reads: "For One Night ONLY: The Jolly Green Giant vs. GODZILLA!!"*

Sem:"I wasn't aware that the Arena owners were allowed to rent the Arena out while we were gone..."

Otter:"I wasn't aware that the Arena was still standing."

*From within the Arena, a reverberating "HO HO HO" can be heard, interspersed with unholy shrieking and the sounds of lasers, fire-breathing, and various other superpowers. Inside, the roar of the crowd swells, and the ground shakes.*

Otter:"I dunno about you guys, but I wanna see this fight!"

*The Otter runs into the Arena, drop kicking the ticket guy in the head when asked for his ticket. The others follow, also eager to see what has been billed as "The Big Green Fight of the Decade!"*

What will happen to our heroic heroes? Will they get good seats, or will they be stuck with awful ones near the rafters? Will our writers succumb to the madness that is sure to follow the messing around with dimensions? Only I know that, and I'm not tellin'!

------------------
"The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him." (Proverbs 18:17)

[Gebohq]

NSP; I was going to post, but I don't have much time before I should get my sleep *I just re-read NeS, and IMHO, it was still rather funny, which is odd, being a writer myself and all...anywhos, I want to ask that nobody post, because I really do have a long and well-(will be-) thought out idea for teh next post. And as a reminder for myself, I'm putting down some notes (a list of characters still around and such).

Gebohq, Losien, Lt. Randy(physical description?), Burby 00, Darkside, "They", TotallyEvil, Dr. Evil, Antestarr, Krig_The_Viking, Semievil, Maybechild, TheOtter, the Narrator (of course), Gonk, Masetto, computer being (the one who turned the writers anime), the Jolly Green Giant, Godzilla, Ares, Ares' clone(s), Benard the Pidgeon, Morris the Cat, any Massassian, and ALL their backgrounds (eee...perhaps not all their backgrounds...hehe).

Tell me if I'm forgetting soemthing/need to tell me something I don't know (like Randy's hysical description)/something you'd like put in, and I'll try to work it all out in my SUPER-MEGA-ECONOMY-SIZED-POST-OF-WONDER!!!! TA-DA!!! Err..right, tomorrow, I shall try and post. To-morrow, tomorrow...

~Geb

[Gebohq]

*In one realm, our writers are awaiting their trial, and while waiting, are placed in a group cell. A policeman walks up to the bar, holding Krig by the arm. He has another guard open the lock, then prods him in. He keeps the door open.*

Policeman #1: Well, I'm sure you'd all like to make your one phonecall. First is Mr... Ge..Geb..

Gebohq: That'd be me.

*Geb is escorted to teh nearby phone, where he punches in a few numbers. We hear it ring on teh other side, and teh audience sees an old woman on hte other line.*

Old woman: Hello?
Geb: Hi Mom, it's me.
Old woman: Oh hi, son. I'm so happy you called--
Geb: Yeah Mom, well I just wanted to tell you that I'm in jail now, and--
Old woman: Gebohq! I thought I taught you better! Well I hope you think over just exactly what you did!

*Gebohq hears a "click" on the other side, followed by the dial signal. Gebohq mutters something about "never paying for her dinner again." Next to use the phone was Antestarr. He dialed, and Ares, teh God of War, is on the other side.*

Ares: mmmhello. Ares, God of War speaking. Whom may I smite for you?
Antestarr: Nobody, for now. This is Antestarr. Can you do my friends and I a favor and bail us out?
Ares: mmmm...no. I'm far too busy, and far too lazy. You'll have to fend for yourselves.
Antestarr: But!--

*Ares hung up on Antestarr. Next was theOtter. He dialed the phone, and teh audience see a woman at a desk.*

woman: *in sexy voice* Hi, this is Veronica, your pleasure mate. Oh my, it sure is hot in here, I best jsut take off my shirt then...

*theOtter nods his head and smiles to himself, now hogging up the phone.*
-----------------------------------
*In the writers' offices, Losien sits by her computer, not quite sure what to do. After all, she would most definately mess up the story, she thought. She reluctantly began writing, doing it because she felt she would be more punished for not writing than for writing bad...
---------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
*Meanwhile, in another realm, our writers-turned-anime head off to Silicon Valley, in hopes of tracing the computer that held the being that transformed them into their anime forms. What they would never know is that they would be diving into a deep and dark consipracy that could possibly be spinning them off into more trouble than they can handle.*

*On the walk to the airliner security checks, Geb walked through first, dragging his huge sword behind, not quite grasping yet that being anime meant he could lift such heavy objects. The security gate goes off, and the security guards take Geb's sword away from him. The others walk through, and the gate practically has a heart attack beeping off. The guards move in on the others, when Maybechild holds up the briefcase.*

Maybechild: Hey! Backoff, or I'll give all my weapons to these guys out here. *to random people* Hey, want a--

Guard: That's ok miss! Y-you guys can go.

Maybe: Thank you! *to Otter* See? There are some guys who will be gentlemen...

*As they make their way to the airplane, Gebohq takes the time to talk to Antestarr.*

Geb: Being an anime guy sure feels funny. I have these huge eyes that make everything fish-bowled, my hair looks funkier than usual, and my mouth movements don't match what I'm saying.

Ante: Yeah, but kicking @ss is a lot more fun when you're anime, not to mention neat looking. And all the chicks have at least a C chest size.

Geb: You've got a point...
------------------------------
*At the offices of the anime writers, Krig_the_Viking continues to write madly in his notepad, darting his head from side to side at the slightest noise. His desire for food was becoming stronger, and soon, he thought to himself, he would have to step out of the safety of the closet. He would hold out for a little longer, he told himself, as he continued writing...*
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
*In the realm of our heroes, they find themselves being only able to find seats in the nosebleed section. Gebohq turned his head behind to see the Jolly Green Giant throw the Fruitcocktail of Hope at Godzillia, follwed by a can of cream corn.*

Geb: *to Maybe* We never got this kind of popularity when we were fighting.

Maybe: What can you say? Celebrities can sell.

*The group finally find seats, far in the back, and tehy each take a seat. Randy attepted to view the fight with a pair of binoculars, but found that he could only make out two small green specks. It might have helped if he tried seeing through the opposite side of the binoculars, but not likely. Growing bored, the fighters doze off, not having had any sleep in God knows how long.*

*When they wake up, they find litter strewn all over the place; the fight now being ove rsince late last night...or perhaps it was a week ago. It was hard to tell just how LONG they had slept. The group made their way towards the arena floor. They found themselves confronted with Ares' clone, with benard the pidgeon perched on his shoulder.*

Ares' clone: (in usual monotone voice) Hello former contestants. Prepare for your transformation.

Otter: I wonder what it could be...

*A flash goes off, and our heroes find themselves in forms they haven't been familiar with in a long time...themselves in a suedo video game (JediKnight in particular) style.*

*Gebohq wore black dress pants, a dark blue collared shirt, and the complimentary black cape given to all contestants. His hair took the style of Kevin Bacon's hair in Tremors. He was armed with a Glock-like weapon, but has a general knwoledge of other forms of combat, such as sword skills and had-to-hand. Gebohq gives off the aura of a well-rounded-leader-type who holds true to a set of moral codes.*

*Semievil, 190 pounds of skin and bone (literally), also donned the complimentary black cape. He holds a staff in one hand, and in the other, a stein. It is apparent he holds the power to control the elements, and would be quick to either fight with towering strength or flee in a drunken stupor. Technological aids are not foreign to him either, apparent because of the jetpack on his back. He's not quite good, but not evil either, hence his name.*

*Maybechild, garbed in earth-toned hippy clothing, does not done the black cape most of the others wear. Instead, her massive red curly hair covers where her cape would have covered her back. She is simply holding a lighter in her hand, in reverance to Metallica. A woman is her own weapon.*

*Antestarr stood with the black robe that most everyone else wore, which happns to match the rest of his black attire. An aura of bad-@ss eminates from him, with a myseterious background and an odd honor code to follow. He is armed with a salt shaker and his patented Lightfoil(tm), along with whatever happens not to be bolted to the floor.*

*Losien, standing out from the group, is wearing a casual outfit: jeans and a white T-shirt, both revealing her sexy body. Her lack of self-esteem is equal to Antestarr's bad-@ss image, if not more obvious. Again, a woman is her own weapon, but even if it were otherwise, it would be unnatural for Losien to wield a weapon of any sort, save the fact that she plays the serious relief and the underdog.*

*Masetto, wearing a dark green trenchcoat and grudge clothes, looks like a college student straight out of Theory class (complete with chin whiskers to stroke while in deep thought). For attacking, Masetto is most natural with his own martial art skills, but will also use the lightstaff all contestants are equipped with. Masetto tends to be the oddball in the group, filling in where something is needed.*

*Lt. Randy, his radiant red hair in defiance of his military-crew cut, wears a red and black uniform, complete with cold outlining, and, of course, the complimentary black cape. With the complimentary lightstaff, Randy packs two powerful pistols, a repeater, a rail gun, and a concussion rifle. All this, possible by our economy size pockets, which seem to defy reality. Randy, like most military personel, tends to shoot first, and ask questions later. Randy also tends to be the only person Reality likes to pick on.*

*TheOtter, wearing all black, appears much like a Goth person: dark and foreboding. Hanging from his shoulder is his black satchel, with the first-aid cross imprinted on it, giving him an aura of a not-so-nice Mary Poppins. He does not seem to have a weapon of choice, rather, he uses whatever he pulls from the mysterious satchel, and is also skilled in being able to shoot fireballs from his hands. All this, his goatee, and his British-esque personality makes TheOtter unpredictable, to say the least.*

*Krig The Viking, a short and stout man, with wild red hair on his head and face, wears a blue tunic with a yellow cape, which is now long faded and dirty from many battles. Krig wields a double-bladed battle ax, rusty and stained as himself. His eyes usually cast a vacent stare, with teh left eye twitching every once in a while. Krig is what one would call the purest fighter, only thinking on the moment.*

*The fighters, now "transformed", stand ready as Are's clone continues to talk to them.*

Ares' clone: Now to introduce *small drumroll* your opponents.

*The fighters stood as Ares' clone began to introduce the other fighters.*

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited February 16, 2001).]

[Krig the Viking]

(NSP: Hey, my English teacher once taught Kevin Bacon for a year in Gimli, Manitoba. Pretty sweet, huh? I hate to do an NSP, but this is shaping up very nicely... back to the basics http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif )

------------------
"The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him." (Proverbs 18:17)

[Duo_Maxwell]

(Can i become a part of this? My name is Sayo, from Crystal of Bounty HUnters thread. I would like to come into the story NOW, i am a bounty hunter with force training and a Make Me do what i wanna do attitude???)

[Gebohq]

*A spotlight from above lights each opponent as Ares' clone reads their bio off. For convience of the readers, so as they might stay awake, we will see these descriptions in the normal story format.*

*The one who is known as the Darkside, fitted with flowing dark robes (of many colors, but are either faded and/or too dark to be seen as anything other than black), towers at least nine feet, hovering slightly off the ground. If one could see the face under the hood, it would be described as flawless yet featureless, with no eyes but instead red pupils that looked like bright yet dying ambers of a fire. This being is the collective forces of all evil people that hold supernatural powers, the Sith in particular.*

*The second being, known as "They", appears to be your stereotypical terrorist-look-a-like, complete with black trenchcoat, black dreads, uzis, and stubble. In opposition to Darkside, "They" holds all the powers of evil in "reality": TV, the media, video games, thugs, anyone blamed right or wrong for the evil in the world.*

*Standing at shy of a foot is a furry creature with big, creppy eyes and a more disturbing high voice, who goes by the name Burby 00. Burby is the prototype of a vast army of furry robotic creatures, and not unlike the Borg from Star Trek, its mission is to dominate the universe. Its "cute" appearance lures its prey in its clutches, when then is quickly taken over, usually by Burby's footmen.*

*Morris the Cat, more of a troublemaker than an opposer, sits with his immense fat body taking up a good deal of the floor. He is known as the super-editing web kitty throughout the galaxy, but has a better reputation for eating more than a swarm of locusts in a single sitting. Morris only wishes to feed his neverending hunger for food and the Internet.*

*Ares, God of war, stands in all his power and arrogance and looking like..well...a god. Actually, on closer inspection, we find it is not Ares himself, but his other clone, created to have both the original's fighting spirit and the monotone voice, which all clones tend to have, like some bad Xerox copy. Though teh real Ares still continues to run the show from behind the scenes, the second clone, who is substituting for him, has all of Ares' powers. In other words, he is the equivilant of a L33T hacker in a JediKnight game. For simplicity, this clone will be known as Bore.*

*TotallyEvil, Semievil's eeeevil sister, looks also to be straight out of college, wearing blue jeans, a black turleneck, and curly black hair. Need we say more?*

*Farr, a high demon, perhaps the greatest next to Satan himself, casts an aura of inky black darkness around him. All that is recognizable from the being is a big, toothy smile, as a cheshire cat does. Standing next to him is the mind behind the powerful mass, his girlfriend. The woman, unlike everyone else, shows no fear towards Farr. She has simple brown hair, and wears simple clothes, but adorns the same disturbing smile on her face.*

*Ares' clone makes special note of a new opponent by trying to show enthusiasm in his voice. The result ends up being that he makes himself a little louder.*

*The new opponent is a classic-comic book style bad guy who oddly goes by the name Mr. Slick. A horned mask covers his eyes, acting as his overexagerated eyebrows, with his blackspiky hair in the middle. His eyes look likeblack slits in the mask, except when its dark, which end up looking red. Below his mask, all we see is a mouth, which often smiles much like Mr. Sinister from the X-men. Where his right hand should be is a claw, much like what Fulgore from Killer Instict has, and on his left hand is a glove which transforms into any shape he desires. Mr. Slick somes complimentary with a sidekick, anmed Oliver, the adolesent technical prodigy, the epitome of a dweb.*

Geb: *to Sem* Who invited those two?
Sem: Got me...

Ares' clone: Now that each has been properly introduced, I shall continue with your goal.

Randy: To beat the crap out of each other?

Ares' clone: ...yes. *holds his hand ot his ear* I'm terribly sorry, this time, PPV, the DMV, and your other sponors wish this to be a little different. Notice how the arena is now shaped much like a football field. Each side has a flag that represents your team. Combining the best of Capture the Flag and American football, Pay-per-View hopes to bring the fight of the century of the week new and higher rating by having each team try to capture the opponent's flag, while keeping your opponents from doing the same. Teams can be expanded at any time during the game. The team to have the most points before the arena and comet its on crash into the Earth and blowing up wins.

Ante: Uh...won't we be dead when that happens?

Ares' clone: ...*mumbles "Details, details..." to Benard the Pidgeon, perched on his shoulder.* Five minutes before the coin toss.

Oh boy! I get to be the announcer of a team game! Er...Stay tuned to find out which side will win the coin toss! Boo-yetcha!

(NSP: more to come)

~Geb

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited February 17, 2001).]

[Gebohq]

*In the realm of our writers-turned anime, the group continues on their quest towards Silicon Valley, now having landed in LAX airport (Los Angelos). The group sticks out like a sore thumb, seeing how they look like the cartoons in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? in anime-style. As they make their way past the gate, the group hears the airplane explode. They all turned to Masetto, eyeing him as the culprit. He smiled innocently, chuckled nervously, and said something about "bad airline food". They all rolled their eyes and made their way to rent a car to head to Silicon Valley.*

*As they leave the scene, the readers/audience notice men in black suits coming out of their hiding places, popping from behind seats and walls liek cardboard practice targets. In fact, for this scene, they probably are. We get a closer look and see real people, all with ominous looks and sketchy personalities to say the least. Three of them group up and speak to each other in low voices.*

ominous man #1: Theses Massassians must be out of the loop. From intelligence, we've gathered they do not know about the fall of the Massassi Coorperation, nor have they found out about our plot to carry out the rest of the plan to destroy the Massassi Empire. These few will pose a threat to our plans, and must be eliminated.

Ominous man #2: (In a deep voice)Yeees....

Ominous man #1: The group will need to rent a car to reach their destination. We must intercept them and eliminate them before they reach to the Silicon Valley Base.

Ominous man #2: Yeees....

Ominous man #!: What do you have to say, ominous man number 3?

*Ominous man #3 simply nods his head in agreement.*

Ominous man #1: Let's move, men...

*The men in black suit tiptoe through the crowd of people in hte airport, following in the direction our anime writers went towards.*

Oh no! The Massassi Temple is to be no more? Will our heroes be able to save Massassi from this evil plot? Tune in folks, and find out!

(more to come)

~Geb

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited February 17, 2001).]

[Krig the Viking]

*Meanwhile, in the anime writers' dimension, Krig the Viking the Writer, desperate for food, finally decides to step outside the closet. Armed with his pencil, Krig the writer hugs his body against the wall, inching towards the stairs.

Then, as laziness and immense hunger hits him, he decides to dart, in a non-stealthy manner, and towards the elevator, which is bound to be faster than the stairs.*

*Three feet from the elevator doors, Krig the writer leaps into the air, pulling up his feet into a perfect combat roll. Unfortunately, the elevator is closed, and Krig slams headfirst into the shiny doors.*

Krig the Writer:"Owie..."

*Krig the Writer stands, brushing off his jeans, attempting to look dignified. Unlike his storyline counterpart, Krig the Writer wears blue jeans, a t-shirt, and a watch on his hairy arm. His head is bare, with his hair pulled back into a ponytail.*

*Krig the Writer spins on his heel, and reaches up to hit the elevator button. After a moment, the doors open, slowly revealing... an empty elevator. Krig leaps in, spins in the air, and lands, ready for a surprise attack from the rather frightening large-eyed cartoons. He is greeted with the chirping of crickets.*

*Krig reaches up and hits the button for the basement. There should be something to eat there, and there shouldn't be any anime characters. The sound of the doors sliding shut echoes through the empty building.*

*Elevator music begins to play. It's opera music, blasting at a few hundred decibels.*

Krig the writer :(striking a dramatic pose)"Fiiiiigaro figaro-figaro-figaro FIIII-Ga-ROH!"

*The elevator doors slide open, revealing a dark and gloomy dungeon, otherwise known as the Basement. Black slime oozes down the walls, and in the distance various wild-animal noises can be heard. Krig the writer steps out and walks over to a conveniently placed refrigerator.*

*** *** ***

*Meanwhile, overhead, three jet fighters scream by the building sounding suspiciously like TIE fighters. Inside, the pilots wear black helmets, with reflective black goggles, identifying them as bad guys.*

Ominus Pilot #1:"Oscar Papa #2, come in. Do you read me?"

Ominus Pilot #2:"I did five minutes ago, when you asked me last. What do you want?"

Ominus Pilot #1:"Do you see that building down there?"

Ominus Pilot #2:"No, I don't, my eyes have fallen out of my head."

Ominus Pilot #1:"That's the building we've got to hit. Do you copy?"

Ominus Pilot #2:"No, I don't, my ears have fallen off too, nitwit."

Ominus Pilot #1:"Circle around and lock onto it with your Ultra Desctructo Missiles of Doom."

Ominus Pilot #2:"I can't, my hands have fallen off and I can't move the joystick."

Ominus Pilot #1:"Will you cut that out?"

Ominus Pilot #2:"No, really, they've fallen off! I'm crawling around on the floor of the cockpit trying to find them!"

Ominus Pilot #1:"Oh, geez, sorry man. I thought you were joking."

Ominus Pilot #2:"This isn't funny! Stop laughing!"

*Meanwhile, Ominus Pilot #3 has locked onto the target and destroyed the building. The three jets fly away towards a building on the horizon, looming forbiddingly above the rest of the city. The letters "U", "G", and "O" can be made out in glowing neon at the top of the building.*

*** *** ***

*On the ground, an elevator dings. The silver doors slide open, and Krig the Writer steps out, several pounds heavier. He stops still, his mouth half open, cracker crumbs falling out. The camera zooms out to reveal Krig standing in the middle of a large blackened crater.*

Krig the Writer:"Huh. This not good."

What will happen to our beloved storywriters? Will they cease to write, now that their beloved building is destroyed? What will become of our beloved Ominus Pilots? Will our beloved heroes ever become un-animed? Stay tuned to find out!

------------------
"The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him." (Proverbs 18:17)

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited February 17, 2001).]

[Gebohq]

*Meanwhile, in the realm of the jail-ridden writers, Losien stopped writing to gaze outside the window. //Such a peaceful view// she thought to herself. Losien saw the beautiful blue sky, the birds chirping in the trees, the black jets zooming overhead towards her, the children playing by the cars, the pretty flowers...*

*She looked at the black jets again. //I wonder what they're doing?// Losien thought. She watched as teh jets zoomed over the building. (note: In this realm, the jets drop the explosives down laser-duided paths down the roof chutes instead of missles) She was heading towards her cubicle when she heard teh explosion within the lower levels. She screamed, rushed to her cubicle, and ducked.*

*The whole building began to crumble and fall. A huge cloud of smoke rose. When teh smoke cleared, the entire building was in rubbble, save steel supporters that saved teh one cubicle that Losien was in. She peered over the edge, yelped, and passed out.*

~Geb

[Gebohq]

*In the realm where our writers are awaiting their trial, our group finds themselves still waiting in a jailcell, with only a few beds, a TV in hte corner, and a simple chair and table, where a policeman is sitting. Across from the cell is a hallway, and close by the hallway is the phone, where theOtter is still standing, with a big smile on his face and still nodding. every once in a while, theOtter would abruptly stop appearing so happy, hanging his head down and cupping the phone close to his head, sureptitiously covering the mouth piece. with a somber tone, he would say something like "What? My father just died?" or "My wife left me?" Then, after a few more moments, would resume his normal overly eager face.*

(NSP: Obviously if any of the other writers want to cut him off and add their own thing, that's cool)

*On the TV, CNN is showing teh massassi forums building, or rather, what was left of it.*

Geb: ...oh my God! Losien was in there!

*Gebohq rushes towards the TV, gripping the bars that kept him from drawing closer. The ppoliceman, holding the remote, changed the channel as they were about to reveal the story on the incident. Gebohq's jaw dropped, and he turned to the policeman.*

Geb: You have to turn it back! I must know what happened, if there are any survivors--

police guy: Yeah, you were enjoying it too much, that's why I changed it. I'll have you guys watch this stuff, it's the most boring thing I've seen on PPV, yet it's always there.

*The writers watch as the TV shows the fight of the century of the week. The normal show, however, was interrupted at the time by an infomercial.*

voice on TV: The Rotary Chicken Baster 9000 is the perfect adition to your cooking palette. It'll make that uncooked chicken all the better. Just ask those that have bought it...

Geb: NOOOOOOOOOoooooo.....

Will our writers in jail be traumatized forever to infomercials and the product of their own horrible writing skills? Will theOtter ever get off the phone? Find out, in out next exciting post of The Neverending Story Thread!

~Geb

(NSP: Duo, as far as your request, I don't think anybody would mind. You have to keep in mind though that The Neverending Story is a comedy above all, and I don't think the said character you wanted to use would fit in NeS. My suggestion is to at least read the last page of NeS to get an idea of what its like, if you haven't already. If you do decide to join, I'll have to fill you in on what's gonna happen in the story and stuff.)

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Just thought you should all know that Massassi is still up and running now, thanks to StaticX, so we can sontinue this story *writers moan*. Obviously, we can keep the Massassi plot in ther for a while (UGO is after all so much fun to bash, isn't it? http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif hehe). Long live Massassi!)

~Geb

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Just bumping this up. I can't post tonight, but I'll post soon, really.)

~Geb

[Antestarr]

*Ante, in yet another alternate reality, looks at the other forums at Massassi. In shock, he realizes that the site is going down soon! Will this truly be the end of the NeverEnding Story?!*

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Argh, after nearly 6 semi-consecutive story posts, should it come in vain? I thought I was leaving the field wide open to new things. *writers: We have lives you know!* Yeah yeah, excuses excuses... http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif anywhos, I'm going to see how many people I can recruite now, so beware, we might get some amateur NeS writers. So be kind and show them the glorious ways of duct tape and such.)

~Geb

[Randy]

&lt; Meanwhile in the realm of the Anime writers &gt;

* Camera pans across the California country side and comes across a small rent-a-car puttering along the California highway. It looks just like any other car save the massive sword lashed to the roof of the car. *
Otter: Are we there yet???

Geb: For the tenth time this hour, NO!!

Otter: Ok...are we...

Geb: NO, OTTER, NO WE ARE NOT THERE!!!!

&lt;Elsewhere...&gt;

* Back in the prison, Otter remains on the phone... *

Randy: Jailer, are you gonna give the rest of us a chance for the phone?

Jailer (cupping a phone recever to his ear): Shhhh... I can't hear what the chick is saying. ;)

Randy: &lt;sigh&gt; So much for civil rights. :P

Sem: I wonder if Losien and Krig survived the blast.

Geb: I don't know, I don't know, I don't know...

Maybe: Relax Geb, Krig and Losien are big boys and girls, they can take care of themselves.

Ante (giving maybe a dubious look): Maybe, this is Krig we're talking about...

Geb: You right, they are doomed.

&lt;NSP: Excuse the lack of posts but I've got tests this week, my computer keeled-over and died today, and the replacement parts won't be in for a couple of weeks. :( Such is Life. :) &gt;



[This message has been edited by Randy (edited February 23, 2001).]

[Randy]

&lt;Meanwhile, within the wall of the ominous arena...&gt;

* Our heros and villans assemble on the field of battle to participate in a heated match of Capture the Flag (NSP style)... *

* Randy draws his pistols *

Randy (whispering to Geb): Hey, you think we have a chance?

Geb (whispering back): We've handled these characters before, though I'm not too sure about the masked weirdo and his friend.

* Randy begins twirling his pistols ah la wild west style. Just then 'They' fires his Uzi striking Randy's left pistol cauing it to discharge prematurly allowing the bullet to graze Losien's hair. *

Losien: HEY WATCH IT!!!

* Her hair damaged, Losien lets out a blood-curdling cry, races forward, grabs Randy and launchs him in a horizontal tangent directly toward 'They'. Randy covers the distance in nanoseconds and strikes 'They' in the chest. The force of the collision causes the rail charges on Randy and the unseen explosived 'They' had been carrying under his jacket to detonate. *

Losien: Opps...my bad. http://forums.massassi.net/html/redface.gif

* A crater now scars the playing field as the fray begins. Within the crater lay 'They'... *

They: Ouchie...

Maybe: Where's Randy?

Ante: Not sure but we have other things to worry about (pointing in the direction of the villans)!!

* Just then Darkside and Farr begin to close with our heros flanked closly by Ares and TotallyEvil *

Geb: Here they come!!!

* Just then a whistling sound can be heard as Randy plumets from the previously attained altitude directly on top of the opposing flag... *

Randy: aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! &lt;Wham!!&gt;

Losien: Hey, what da ya know. http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Geb: RUN RANDY RUUUNNNN!!!!

* Randy looks up to see Mr. Slick and Oliver racing to protect their team flag. Injured from the blast and the landing Randy can barely stand on his feet... *

Randy: Uh Oh, this is going to hurt...

&lt;Will our heros ever win? What will happen to Randy? Will the Highway partol stop our anime heros for their flagrant display of a deadly weapon? These and more in out exiting next episode...&gt;

[Ares]

BY GOD! THIS THREAD STILL EXISTS?!?!?!?!

I MUST DESTROY IT.

*Ares appears out of nowere and kills every single cherecter in this story, to end the insanity.*


Disclaimer: *I created the original neverending story thread here at massassi (i think) and reserve the right to terminate it, wich i might add, i just did.* http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

This'll never work.....

------------------
When you put the milk in the pantry and the ceral in the refrigerator, or when you make a pot of cofee and forget the pot, its time for a vacation.

[Gebohq]

(NSP: You're right Ares, you can't kill this story. For one thing, you didn't even try to make it funny. Big no-no there. I think a lesson needs to be taught to you, Ares, hehe. And I'm sorry, but it was in fact GA_Farret who started NeS, even if it wasn't his intention to, and if he ever wishes, I would welcome him to post.)

*In a bright and grand entrance, God, Lord of Lords, parts the clouds and speaks to Ares.*

God: Ares, what has thou done-est this time?

Ares: If you're all so omniescent, why did you ask me?

God: I ask because it makes you realize just how small you really are.

Ares: *grumble* (under his breath) Stupid superior thinks-he's-a-better-god-than-me... *clears throat* um...yeah, I just ended a small story that had outlived its life.

God: *in a parent who's disappointed in a small child* Ares...

Ares: What?

God: Put the story back to its original state before you just tried to end it.

Ares: You wouldn't hurt me...

God: I'll just wipe the existance of Vipers of the galaxy...

Ares: My bad, my bad, I'll put the stupid story back on track...

God: Good boy...
--------------------------
~Geb

[Antestarr]

(NSP: Well, my creative inspiration right now is limited to arranged Castlevania music, so don't be expecting a post from me until after I meet with the counselor at school (yeah, I gots me an appointment.) Anyone who would like to know of any recent revelations of mine, feel free to pop on over to my website. For those of you who don't know or don't remember it, it should be somewhere around http://www.toad.net/~graef/blog.html . Yeah. Ok. Go back to writing, my minions. Oh wait, you're peers. Nevermind the whole minions thing. Oh, and, by the way, my site will be updated as soon as Blogger lets me... darn error 500 things...)

[This message has been edited by Antestarr (edited February 25, 2001).]

[Krig the Viking]

*In the dimension where all of our writers are languishing in jail, Losien the Writer perches on a precariously teetering bit of office, several stories from the ground, the only remaining part of the Massassi Writer's Building. Losien the Writer, passed out from fear, slowly comes to, her journey to conciousness aided by a near miss from a dive-bombing pidgeon.*

Losien the Writer:"Wha--where am I?"

*Losen looks over the edge of what's left of the building, down to the ground. Very, very, very far down.*

Losien the Writer:"Oh my... this isn't good! I'm supposed to be writing the story! There's no-one writing the story right now! I'm going to be in so much trouble!"

*Losien goes over to her computer, which has miraculously survived. She sits down and begins typing hoping that she is not messing up the story at all*
-----------------------------
Meanwhile, in Losien's storyline...
-----------------------------
*The scene opens in a peaceful forest. The sun is shining warmly, its joyful warmth warming the things below it warmly. A cool breeze cool-ly cools the faces of our cool heroes. Our heroes are seated around a small table, which is elaborately set with fancy china, napkins, and teapots. Our heroes are dressed in Victorian era suits and dresses.*

Geb :(in tux)"Despite the fact that I look quite distinguished and spiffy in this tux, I can't help but wonder how it is that we arrived here, in this rather unusual setting."

Sem: (also in tux)"I kinda like it. It's all sureal and creepy."

Losien :(in ball gown)"It's not sureal at all! It's beautiful!"

Krig: (in tux, with hair and beard combed):"Krig frightened..."

Otter :(also in tux)"Hey, guys, I don't know why we're here, but these crumpets are scrumptious!"

*Everyone is silent for a moment. Then Krig slowly reaches a manicured hand out for a crumpet, keeping it close to the table. In an effort to keep him from eating all the food, the rest of our heroes lunge at the crumpets, and a ravenous feeding frenzy occurs, random bits of food flying high into the air over the writhing mass of starved heroes. Except for theOtter, who leans back with a cup of tea and sips it contentedly.*

What has become of our heroes? Have they degraded to the level of animals, foraging for food? Find out in the near future, after all of our writers recover from their bouts of writer's block!

------------------
"The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him." (Proverbs 18:17)

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited March 01, 2001).]

[Highemperor of the Force]

Alright, I think I'll add my bit.

-------------------------

In the dimension where the writers are in jail, Otter is now on the floor, squirming about in ecstasy. The jailer, listening on the receiver in the other room, is stripped to the waist.

Geb: Hey! Now's our chance to escape, while they're distracted!

Our heroes run out, pulling TheOtter behind them. The jailer doesn't even notice, but starts pulling down his pants.

Maybe: ICK! Let's get out of here while my sanity's still intact!

They run away, only to discover their office in ruins.

Losien: (with a sheepish smile) Hey, sorry, guys. . .

--------

In the story, our Hungry Heroes are in a Feeding Frenzy. (Well, Whaddya know? That's awesome alliteration!) Losien watches disgustedly and wonders where she went wrong.

Meanwhile, at the edge of the forest is dank castle. Within its dank corridors (made of dank stone) a dank detente council of dank evil is dankly going on.

Burby00: We must join forces in order to beat the heroic heroes!

Morris the Cat: I'm in!

Darkside: As much as I hate to join forces with the likes of you, I find that I have no choice.

Farr: I concur.

They: So do we.

Ares's clone: Hey, are you schizophrenic or something?

They: We think so, but we're not sure. . .

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Dark Exile, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)

[RabidPlatypus]

The End, and they all lived happily ever after with face lifts

------------------
If you insult me, I will disregard it, if you kick me, that would hurt

[Krig the Viking]

*Meanwhile, in the Anime Writers' dimension*

*The scene opens on a beautiful California horizon, with a blazingly blue ocean and a warm beach. The camera pans down to a highway running along the beach, to a small rent-a-car VW Beatle, with an enormous sword longer than the car itself strapped to the top.*

Everyone except Sem the Writer:"Eight thousand nine hundred twenty five bottles of beer on the wall, eight thousand nine hundred twenty five bottles of beeer..."

Sem the Writer, crammed into the middle seat, slumped down and covering his ears:"Somebody please kill me..."

*The camera pans ahead of the car, to three ominus men in dark suits and shades, hiding behind the top of a hill. One of them holds a bazooka. The first one speaks up, in a monotone voice.*

Ominus Man #1:"This group of currently animated characters are the only people that could possibly stop UGO's plan to destroy Massassi. We must destroy them."

Ominus Man #2:"Didn't you say that already, in the mission breifing? Why repeat it now, at this rather unlikely juncture?"

Ominus Man #1:"It is not your perogative to question my authority. Ominus Man #3, do you have a shot?"

*Ominus Man #3 nods and smiles. He lines up the rent-a-car with the bazooka sights.*

Anime Writers:"...hundred twenty two bottles of beeeer..."

*Switch to close up of Ominus Man #3's finger pulling the trigger.*

*There's a puff of smoke, and a swooshing noise. The projectile spirals towards the small car, trailing black smoke. Fortunately, the rocket hits the large sword on top of the car, bounces off, streaks over to a tree, bounces off, and starts screaming towards the ominus men.*

Ominus Man #2:"I suggest an immediate and hasty strategic retreat. Is that acceptable?"

Ominus Man #1:"I confirm and mandate that particular suggestion, with the addendum that the term 'hasty' be upgraded to 'as fast as humanly possible'."

*All three ominus looking men jump out of the way, propelled into the air by an earth shaking orange fireball.*

Geb:"What was that?"

Ante:"Otter... what have I told you about eating pork and beans?"

Otter:"Hehehe."

------------------
"The first to present his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him." (Proverbs 18:17)

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited March 01, 2001).]

[Phantom_Master]

Sorry for interrupting the action, but are new people allowed to join in the NeS quest?

------------------
I am the Shadow...

[Highemperor of the Force]

Ominous Man #4 (on a ship): It appears that our comrades, Ominous Men 1, 2, and 3, have failed.

Ominous Man #5: Yes, and judging by the exact angle of refraction of the quanta of the current gravitic potential of the space/time continuum at this particular area-

Ominous Man #6: Shaddup and get to the point.

Ominous Man #5: -our comrades also managed to blow themselves to kingdom come.

Ominous Man #8: Actually, considering that we're all part of a plot of UGO to destroy Massassi, they probably blew themselves to that. . . other place.

Ominous Man #4: Hey, what happened to Ominous Man #7?

Ominous Man #8: He's throwing up.

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Dark Exile, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)

[Phantom_Master]

Suddenly in the UGO Headquarters the Intruder Alert goes off...

Ominious Man #6: "What is that?"

Ominious Man #5: "Thats the Intruder Alert. It goes off whenever non-UGO personnel enter the building."

Ominious Man #8: "You idiots!! There is an intruder in the building!! Go and find him (or her) now!!!

Camera pans to Super-High-Security Area, audience sees a man dressed in black, trying to steal the TOP-SECRET-UGO plans. His name is Phantom_Master, a special agent for Massassi sent to help the NeS writers stop UGO.

Ominious Man #4: "Hey you!! Stop in the name of UGO!! *Omnious Man #4 pulls out an M16*

Phantom_Master: "Never, you slimey peice of trash!! *Phantom_Master pulls out two pistols and opens fire on the Ominious Men*

Narrator: "Will this new Massassian agent survive against the 4 Ominious Men? If he does, will he be able to get the plans to the Anime writers in time? Tune in next time for the answers to these questions and more..."


------------------
I am the Shadow...

[Phantom_Master]

If you dont really want any new people joining the story, then just disregard my post.

------------------
I am the Shadow...

[Randy]

&lt; NSP: Feel free to join Phantom, just make sure your posts are in the spirit of the NSP. (Namely crazy and comical. http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif ) &gt;

[Phantom_Master]

*Phantom unloads an entire clip on the Ominious Men. But the bullets turn out to be tranquilizer darts, much to the disgust of Phantom.*

Phantom: (In Australian accent)"Blimey, those bullets weren't me special 9mm explosives!! I'll finish you four later."

*Then in Mission Impossible 2 style he blows open a hole in the wall and jumps out.

*Camera fades to the rental VW Bug, where the writers happily driving along. Suddenly a man runs out into the street in front of the writer's car. The VW Bug, since it's brakes need a tune-up, collides with the man, who turns out to be Phantom.*



------------------
I am the Shadow...

[Gebohq]

(NSP: w00t! Another writer! Welcome aboard, Phantom_Master. Like Randy said, just keep the NeS spirit in mind (in other words, as long as duct tape has a significant role, you can't go too wrong http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif hehe) Be off the wall, be creaive and original, and if something doesn't turn out great, plug in a plothole and blame everything that went wrong on "They", or something like that. Hope to see more of your posts. And welcome back Highemp. Now if only I could get out of my writer's block...)

~Geb

[Gebohq]

*In some far off and insignificant dimension, writers much like the ones in this story, as well as prospective writers, sit in a classroom. On the door, it reads "Posting 101". The bell rings, and as the writers/students calm down (meaning not throwing paper airplanes as much), a big man, dressed in a sharp outfit (dresspants, shirt and sweater) enters. The man appears to be in his early 30's, has a friendly face, with black hair, mustache, and goatee to match. He addresses himself as "Dr. Geb", continuing to speak as he prepares for a old-fashion film projection.*

Dr. Geb: ...but you all can call me Myles. I'm here to give you the run-down on posting for The Neverending Story Thread-- Chauncey, stay awake, big guy. Anywhos, today you all will, through your tiny little brains, how to properly have the narrator in the story speak. And as you all know, such trivial matters will mean the difference between life and death for you so pay attention.*

*The lights dim, and the old projection begins. In faded color, we see a late 70's era building that looks quite like the Massassi Forums building, and who appears in front but Ares' clone.*

Ares' clone: Section 16, the narrator. When speaking with teh narrator's voice, the following should be used...

*On the screen, the following appears:

[i]Hi, I am the Narrator[i

Ares' clone: If you add the bracket at the end of that sentence, the sentence becomes italisized, therefore giving the barrator his disctinct style...

*The film goes on for hours, Chauncey now drooling on his desk from deep sleep.*

~Geb

[FalconZac]

*Falcon, sitting in the audience, struggles to stay awake. He looks over at the droling Chauncy, who has now covered his desk and the floor around it with slobber.*

*To himself, Falcon thinks, I gotta get out of here... Suddenly, he has an idea. He stand up quietly, ignoring the teacher Geb, and walks out the door. (sorry, couldn't think of much better. http://forums.massassi.net/html/tongue.gif)*

*Finally free of the Clone Ares' lecturing, Falcon walks off, humming to himself. Lost in thought, he doesn't notice the VW Bug coming down the road until it's alost too late. With a shocked look, he tries to jump over it, but just barely clears the front bumper. He lands face-first on the windsheild, like a bug on a... er... windsheild...*

*Inside the car, the writers look at each other. Then, the driver (whoever it is, never mentioned before) turns on the wipers, pushing Falcon off the window and onto the side of the road.*

Falcon: Ugh... I should've stayed in class...

*And with that, he passes out.*

(By the way, ignore this if you want. Just couldn't stand not being in this anymore http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif )

[This message has been edited by FalconZac (edited March 02, 2001).]

[Randy]

&lt; In the dimension of the anime writers... &gt;

Randy: Geb, you really need to work on your collision avoidance. That's the second person you hit today!

Geb: I know, It's these huge, stupid eyes. I can barly see straight.

* The car rolls to a stop *

Sem: I'll grab the ice scraper. Otter, you get the squeege.

Otter: How come I ALWAYS get the squeege?

Maybe: JUST GET THE SQUEEGE!!!

Otter (recoiling slightly from Maybe): Ok, you don't have to get so hot about it. :P

* Our heros set to work trying to pry and scrape the new writers off of the car. (It is, after all, a rental) *

Geb: Make sure it's clean guys, otherwise we can't get our deposit back.

&lt; Will these newcomers survive the unfortunate accident? Will our heros get the deposit on the car back? Tune in next time, same NSP time, same NSP channel...&gt;

[This message has been edited by Randy (edited March 02, 2001).]

[Antestarr]

BOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!

~This message left by the Association for the Proliferation of NO SLEEP!~

[Phantom_Master]

*Phantom then gets up, after having been hit by a VW Bug, barely scratched because he passed with flying colors his VW Bug Collision Test. He looks to Falcon, who had just passed out.*

Phantom: (In his English accent)"Forget him, I have a mission."

*He then picks himself up off the ground and starts walking to the writers, who are getting out their cleaning supplies.*



------------------
I am the Shadow...

[Randy]

&lt; Our heros finish cleaning the bumper of the small VW Bug and polish it to a glossy shine... &gt;

Sem: Now, about these people.

Phantom: Good day, I was wondering if I may be able to get a lift.

Geb: Well, jumping out in front of the car is a strange way of showing it. But, I guess we could squeeze you in.

Randy: What about Falcon?

Otter: Let's just tie him to the luggage rack. We can't leave dead people lying around like this.

Randy: Now where are we going to fit this new guy in?

Maybe: That's easy. Just put Otter in the trunk with his inflatable doll. http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

* Our heros, with the help of Phantom, tie Falcon to the already crowded roof of the car as Otter slips into the trunk of the now fully-loaded Beetle... *

Geb: We're off!

&lt; Meanwhile, in the now ruined offices of the NSP... &gt;

Geb(hugging Losien): I'm so glad your ok, where's Krig?

Losien: I'm not sure. He went down stairs and then the building blew up and...

* Just then, the remainder of office door falls free of its melted hinges revealing a slightly startled Krig *

Krig: What just happened??

Geb: Not sure, but I would venture to guess that someone or something is out to get us.

Losien: Well who ever it was wanted to do a through job of it.

Otter(still trying to button his pants): No kidding.

Ante: Who ever did this would have to be extriemly depraved and twisted in thought. Filled with an all consuming evil. A vile wretch whose one desire is to obliterate all that is good and humorous from this earthly sphere.

Sem: There are only two entities that fit that description: Microsoft or UGO.

Krig: But why would Microsoft want to destroy a forum post that exists in the very world they commercialized?

Randy: That's just it, Microsoft would have been more precise in their strike. Probably using an elite commando group to infiltrate the building, dispose of us, and leave not trace of their presence.

Geb: Or they would blackmail us and push us out of the competitive circles.

Maybe: Then that leaves only...

All: ...UGO!!

&lt; Meanwhile, at UGO headquarters, in the dark lair of the CEO... &gt;

CEO: Have we disposed of that bothersome agent.

Flunky #1: No Sir, apparenty he escaped with several classified documents...

CEO(eyes glowing a slight reddish hue): HE DID WHAT!!!

Flunky #1:... but we have our best and brightest working the situation at this moment and hope to recapture the documents with in the hour.

CEO: Very well...

* With blinding speed the CEO grabe Flunky #1 and hurtles him through the plate glass window to the parking lot below. Just then Flunky #2 peeks into the office... *

Flunky #2: Sir, Satan is on line two. He wants to discuss the purchase of Hell.

CEO: Tell him we shall buy that antiquated operation of his.

Flunky #2: Yes Sir.

&lt; Will our heros stop this 'phantom menace' ( no pun intended http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif ). And what of this multi-accented Phantom guy? Tune in next time to find out... &gt;

[Semievil333]

Sem: "Ewww! Phantom smells funny!"

Phantom: "Do not!"

Sem: "Do too! I'm not riding in the car with him anymore!"

Geb: "Fine, Otter will be happy to get his seat back"

*THUD* (from the trunk)

Geb: "Fine, that's more room for the rest of us then."

Sem gets out of the car, without waiting for Geb to stop, and walks to the side of the road to wait for a ride in a convinently placed payphone.

Moments later, a large Matrix template truck zeros in on the phone and smashes it into oblivion. Ominious man #69 steps out, and finds much to his dismay that Sem has disappeared.

While Ominious man #69 is occupied examining the tattered phone both, Sem has crept up beside him, and now holds a sleek black pistol to the side of his head.
*camera pan to show front view of Sem*
Sem: "Dodge this."

Sem fires, and the Ominious man turns to face his assailant.

Ominious man #69: "Hahahaha, you are a two dimentional anime character! your bullet will never reach me, because of the way the camera is panned! Bullet will never be able to travel toward of away from the camera!"

Sem: "Egad!"

Camera zooms in on the bullet to give the appearence of forward motion, but to no avail.

Ominious man #69, into headset: "We've got one of them, Ominious Man #5+6/13, come and pick him up"

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[Phantom_Master]

*Suddenly Phantom, being the only non-anime character besides Falcon (who is in the trunk of the VW Bug) pulls out his two pistols now with his 9mm explosives.*

Phantom: (in his New-Yorker accent)"Yeah, but I'm not an anime character you stinkin' UGO piece of crap!!"

*With that he opens fire on Ominious Man #69*

------------------
I am the Shadow...

[This message has been edited by Phantom_Master (edited March 03, 2001).]

[Krig the Viking]

(Jiminy Jilikers, Radioactive Man! New writers! Welcome, guys, and if for some insane reason you haven't read the first 16 pages of NES, do so now. It's well worth the four hours it takes to read, and you'll pick up on some inside jokes to boot.

&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;

*In one of the Writers' dimensions, Antestarr stands before the ruined Massassi Forums building, having just deduced that UGO is the vile industrial corporation behind the plot to destroy Massassi. In the other Writers' dimension, an Anime Ante is crammed into the backseat of a tiny rent-a-car. The camera view switches to a split-screen, showing both the real and the cartoon Antes' faces in an extreme close up, the same concerned expression on both.*

Both Antes(simultaneously):"Something isn't right. My trick with splitting our dimension into two pieces has caused a disturbance in... "

*The camera switches to a split screen of both Gebohqs.*

Both Gebs:"Spare us the random star trek techno babble, Ante. What does this mean?"

Both Antes:"I believe that the two seperate dimensions are going to merge once again! I knew I should have used a hard-boilded egg when I was making that Dimensional Paradox!"

*By an extremely co-incedencedental coincidence, the two dimensions begin to merge at that very moment. The two split-screen images slowly superimpose over each other. The Real Ante's face morphs into the Anime Ante's face, and everyone else's faces morph into their otherdimensional equivilants too. Krig the Viking is deposited on top of the tiny VW Bug.*

Krig:"Ugh, Krig's head hurts. Krig wants to smash things."

---------------------

*Meanwhile, in the Story realm, the dimension in which Our Heroes are playing a deadly game of Capture the Flag and the dimension in which Our Heroes are having a rather messy tea party have also merged. MaybeChild, who was holding the Evil Team's flag, suddenly finds herself holding a huge chicken bone. Geb, who had been holding a pistol, now finds himself holding the handle from a broken teapot.*

Krig:"Oy vey! This not good! Krig smash!"

*The deadly game of Capture the Giant Chickenbone continues, with neither side giving quarter.*

[i]What will happen to our beloved Heroes? Will they conquer their cruelly crafty competitors in this confoundingly curious contest? Stay right where you are, frantically clicking 'refresh' to find out!


&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;&#0124;

(OOC: Just to clarify, we now have only one dimension. This should reduce confusion on all sides. In this dimension, the Storywriters are mostly all anime characters except for Krig, Phantom Master, and FalconZac. UGO is plotting evil destruction, and so forth. These writers (who are now more concerned with becoming un-anime'd than actually writing the story) are writing the core NES story, in which a fateful game of Capture the Giant Chickenbone is going on in the Arena. Got that, everyone? No? Well, tough.)

------------------
"The wicked flee when no man pursueth" --Proverbs 28:1

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited March 03, 2001).]

[FalconZac]

(OOC: Nice one, Krig. Thanks.)

Falcon, still in the trunk, wakes up slowly. He starts to get up, then bumps his head on the roof.

"Ow! What the... how did I get here? All I remember is that Bug coming towards me..."

He thinks for a bit, then decides to try and get out. Falcon starts pounding on the sides of the trunk and screaming.

Inside the car, Otter and Phantom look at each other.

Phantom: "Calm down, man!"
Otter: "It's not me... I think the guy in the trunk woke up." He turns to Geb. "Should we stop and let him out?"
Geb: "Nah, he can wait. Just ignore him for the moment."

Falcon, finally exhausted after, oh, ten minutes of pounding, gives up. Well, either they can't hear me, or they just don't care. I'll have to assume they don't care, seeing as they tossed me in the trunk... Defeated, he falls asleep.

[Phantom_Master]

Phantom: "How the heck did I just get here? What is this place?"

*He then looks around at the ruins of the Massassi Forums building.

Phantom: "What happened here?"



------------------
I am the Shadow...

[Phantom_Master]

*Phantom then jumps out of the car and looks at the stolen UGO plans. He notices that the first part of the plan is to blow up the Massassi Forums building, where the only people who could save Massassi worked.*

Phantom: (In his Russian accent) "Gebohq, you and your comrades are ze only onez who can ztop UGO's planz. Here, take thiz and read it."

He then gives Geb the UGO plans.

------------------
I am the Shadow...

[This message has been edited by Phantom_Master (edited March 04, 2001).]

[Gebohq]

(NSP: I'm baaaaa-ack! Stupid "life" getting in my way...anywhos, here's mah L33T postin' skillz...oh, and if you don't mind Phantom, can we ignore the post about teh forums building? Just say it was a Dunkin' donuts or something, cuz at least in my imagination, the forums building was far far away from Silicon Valley.)

*In the realm of the wonderously wuvvable writers (yes, only one realm now, for those who forgot already), Geb and gang stop their VW bug upon a cliff that overlooks Silicon Valley. As soon as the car stopped, everyone began to crawl out, stretching their limbs after having been crammed for the past hour.*

Geb: *to himself* Wimps, needing to "stretch"...*walks up to the cliffside with the group and begins to speak to them* There it is, guys. Silicon Valley. You won't find a more wretched hive of scum and villiany. We must be cautious--

Maybe: Hey Geb, not to interrupt your oh-so-original speech, but did you hear that? It sound slike it's coming from the trunk.

*Everyone draws close to the VW Bug's trunk. After everyone draws their weapons in preperation for some ominous man to pop out and attack them, Gebohq pops the trunk open. Inside, we find on one side of the trunk FalconZac, wide-eyed and defensive-looking. On the other side of teh trunk, the group sees TheOtter and earby, an inflatable woman that has been deflated. Having seen that the trunk was open, FalconZac quickly steppe dout of the trunk, always keeping a wary eye on TheOtter.*

FalconZac: *wispering to the group* Keep him away from me...

Otter: *looking innocent from the trunk* What? I don't see why he's so afraid. I mean, he just took one look and next thing you know, he's screaming Bloody Mary.

*The group decided among themselves that it would be best not to know the details. After TheOtter got out of the trunk, Losien spoke up.*

Losien: So we just threw this guy in the trunk? With Otter? And you never even gave it a second thought?

Geb: *in an excuse-sort-of-tone*We thought he was dead...

Losien: *sigh* Honestly...and where's Sem? Did we leave him on the side of the road?

Geb: Er...Oops.

Phantom: (in Yiddish accent) Oy vey! I knew I forgot to do something.

Geb: Wha...?

Phantom: (british accent) Oh, pardon me, I should inform you on the matter. Semievil had found himself in a small, predicament shall we say, and I entered to assist my three-dimensionally challanged friend. Unfortunately, Mr. sixty-nine nabbed Sem and used him as a body shield. He was planning to take Sem to their secret base in Silicon Valley.

*A few moments of silence followed, then Geb spoke up.*

Geb: So...what did you forget?

Phantom: ...(surfer accent)What was I talking about again?

Geb: Nevermind...*munches on a donut as he reads the UGO plans* Seems that after UGO planned to bomb teh massassi forums building, they planned to capture any survivors and interrogate them, subjecting them to using AOL and Xoom on a Macintosh until they spilled out everything, and possibly turn to spy for them. Then something about Microsoft and using the Zone to wipe out the core of Massassi--

Ante: Er..Geb?

Geb: Yeah?

Ante: You forgot to put the car in park, smart guy.

*Geb turns his head to where he had stopped the VW bug, to find out that it was now just tipping over teh edge of the cliffside. Geb and the group ran to follow it to teh edge, and they looked downt o see it tumble and crash at the bottom.*

Geb: Grr...we have to walk now. The rental guys aren't going to like me now...remember we got to pick up our stuff at the bottom guys!

*A collective moan is heard from the group.*
|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|
*Inside the secret, evil, and generally unkept UGO base, Semievil finds himself tied to the chair in what appeared to be an interrogation room. And with duct tape no less. These guys were smart, Sem thought, and they used the dark side of the tape, as well as placing a can of Coke right out of his reach.. They were evil...*

*Two ominous men entered through the sole door in the room, and afterwards, the eeeeevil and diabolical Bill Gates.*

Gates: Good work men. You have succeeded in capturing one of their writers. Begin staging for Phase 3.

Ominous men: Yes sir.

*The two walked out, leaving Gates and Sem by themselves in the room. Bill Gates pulled up a chair, placed it behind the can of Coke, and sat down ever so slowly. Using the same snail pace, he wrapped his hand around the can, picked it up, and opened it. Bill Gates took a long swig of it, smiling afterwards and said "ahhhh...".*

Sem: What do you want from me? Tell me, I can't take watching...

Gates: Wouldn't you like to know? Mwahahahahahahaha....

|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|
*Inside the writer's realm, the action has slowed down to a near halt now, since the only other two that had wrote seemed to have stopped for the moment. They took the time to take a tea break. After all, they may as well use what came so suddenly...*

Darkside: *holding a small delicate tea cup with his pinky out* Isn't it such a lovely day?

Burby 00: Oh I do agree. But I wish "They" wouldn't be so disruptive at this time of day...

*A small distance away from the two, "They" and Krig were pulling at the giant wishbone, which was the flag. They ended up breaking it in two, and Krig and "they" became very confused as to what to do. Meanwhile, others weren't enjoying tea time so well...*

Mr. Slick: Would you stop tossing those crumpets and keeping score of who has the most stuck?

*Mr. Slick eyes his horns-for-eywbrows, to see another crumpet falling and being stabbed by the horn. Oliver and Otter a few feet away snickered to themselves.*

What is UGO's plan that involves the evil Bill Gates and the Zone? How screwed our our writers, expecially now that the rental company will be after them? Will tehy be able to rescue Semievil? If tea time starts at 4PM, and the group doesn't finish in twenty minutes, do they stop to smoke up? You know the drill, readers. This is the narrator, signing off.

~Geb

[Randy]

&lt;NSP: Bumpin' the story back to the top...&gt;

[Antestarr]

(NSP: Wow, I was wondering how long it would be before we got so confused we got rid of the parallel universe idea. As for Geb: since when was there a '68 VW with an automatic tranny? Also, I've been contemplating putting up pics of the "Anime Writers", but that would require effort, huh? Even more effort would be to include a thumbnail image in front of each part where the respective character speaks... Oh well. Maybe I'll start on doing something productive... maybe... Laters all, I'm off to Spring Break!)

[FalconZac]

Falcon walks along with the others, taking care to stay on the opposite side of the group from Otter. He thinks to himself, &lt;i&gt;Where the heck are we going again?&lt;/i&gt;

He shrugs indifferently, and continues walking.

[Semievil333]

Benevolent
Upward
Mobility
Post!

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[Semievil333]

Post 666.... this calls for some celebration!
Whohoo!

Enter Ominous man# 666, bent not so much on stopping the writers as on wreaking general havoc and destruction. Suddenly the other ominous men are distracted from their duties by a disturbance in the zone- #666 just got 66 frags in 6 seconds- inconcievable.....


/=D

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[Flexor]

There, made a post to ruin your celebration. :-)

------------------
Should she sell sea shells in her sea shell shop by the sea shore?

[Phantom_Master]

Meanwhile, back in the with the Anime writers...

Phantom: "Well what are we going to do about Sem? We cant just leave him there! Or maybe we could, after what he said to me. No, we cant, because he might turn against us, especially if Microsoft is working against us. They have long and torturous systems of getting what they want. And their systems usually work, just look what they did with Windows M.E.!!"

Geb: "Then we must get Sem out of there! We have to think of a plan to rescue Sem!

What will the writers do about Sem? Will they think of a plan to rescue him? Tune in next time!!

------------------
I am the Shadow...

[This message has been edited by Phantom_Master (edited March 11, 2001).]

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Hey, we're on a postin' streak here. I'll start posting as soon as this "school work" stops pestering me this week. And Spring break is oh-so-soon.....I can almost taste it...hehe)

~Geb

[Phantom_Master]

Is the NeS post going to die? Will Gebohq get his schoolwork done in time? Will I ever run out of question marks! Oh no, I just used my last one!! Tune in next time!!

------------------
I am the Shadow...

[Antestarr]

(NSP: I would like us to observe a moment of silence. Some of you may know what I'm asking this for, others may wish to know. If you are one who would like to know, please send an e-mail my way, I'm sure my address is in my profile for the boards...)

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Nah Phantom, this thread won't die for quite a while *I should know, I've been saying it will since the last 15 pages http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif hehe* The story often gets into waves of major posting and lack of posting though. I'll see if I can't fix that)

!!!COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!

*In a faded color-view, the audience sees a typical family room, with a group of small-town kids. All are looking down in the dumps.*

Feeling like life has no meaning? Need all those pesky sins off your back?

Kids: *in unison* Yeah...

Not anymore you don't! Because now you can get...

SALVATION! *appears in big letters in front of the audience*

That's right! For a limited time, you can BUY salvation! "But how?" you ask?

*A man in a cleric outfit appears with teh kids.*

Man: I can answer that! All you have to do is follow complex dogmatic rituals and give large sums of money to people like myself! Doesn't that sound like fun, kids?

Kids: YA!

Remember kids, God won't love you otherwise! Buy now, save big!

(NSP: So all of you know, I'm bashing old-school Catholisism, and yes, I am Catholic, so I can do this.)

[Gebohq]

(NSP: A-hem. Vhere's the backup? I would post, but it's always wierd to post twice in a row. I mean, if the current situation is hard to write for, the beautiful thing about NeS is that we can change it, to anything we want, so long as it has the NeS spirit (can such spirit be defined? Can you put a rainbow in a jar? No. That is the way of Mango! er...I mean). I say thing because I won't be able to post for a good week due to my final drama practice and performances, and I was hoping we could get our talented support writers such as Randy, Krig, Phantom, Falcon, and all dem others to start pitching in again. I can tell you now though that Maybechild and Semievil are in the same predicament as I, so you know. Give the big daddy some info...)

(Der...another--)!!!COMMERCIAL BREAK!!!

A new fun and educational game for kids...

SMOKEMON!

Need I say more? Er...right, my exzuse is that I'm running out of time for a good post. I mean--look! Donuts! *runs for his life*

~Geb

[Krig the Viking]

(I swear, I'll post once schoolwork gives me back my brain!)

------------------
"The wicked flee when no man pursueth" --Proverbs 28:1

[FalconZac]

Suddenly, the moon crashes into the planet, scattering shards of it everywhere. The writers all drift off into space, somehow still standing on one giant chunk of rock.

Falcon: "Whoa, what happened?"

All the other writers look at him as if he has lost his mind (which he probably has).

Falcon runs off, and screeches to a halt at the edge of the rock. He looks over the edge, and a huge smile crosses his face. Falcon suddenly jumps off the rock, and flies through space, never to be heard from again.

(Sorry, just don't have the time to be in this anymore. Have fun!)

[~yectiwan~]

/me is amazed by the length and dexterity of this thread... also amazed by the number of Massassians I don't know... wow...

------------------
"Once you stray down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny."-yoda

Yectiwan
Left of the Big Rock (http://www.angelfire.com/rant/yectiwan/)

[Phantom_Master]

Phantom: "Geb, you gotta think of a plan to save Sem!!"

*Suddenly an the smaller moon crashes into the planet.BOOOOM!!

Phantom: "Awww, crap."
*Phantom checks his plothole meter card.
Phantom: "Dang, I haven't posted enough messages to earn a plothole. Dang."

------------------
I am the Shadow...

[This message has been edited by Phantom_Master (edited March 27, 2001).]

[Krig the Viking]

*In the world of the largely forgotten actual storyline, a deadly game of CTGCB (Capture the Giant Chicken Bone) is raging. Chaos reigns on the battlefield, chaos so chaotic that it is almost like... something chaoticky.*

*Down on the battlefield, Gebohq and Maybechild have found an oasis of calm in the raging battle, the top of the hill that holds the enemy's flag--er--giant chickenbone. Perhaps because of a lack of strategy on our heroes' part, this is the only place nobody is trying to get to.*

Maybe:"How much time do you think we have before we crash into the Earth and die in a horrible fireball of death, along with the entire population of our home planet?"

*In the background, Semievil swings a gigantic broken teapot at Darkside's head. Darkside cowers in fear of the giant broken teapot.*

Geb, looking up at the looming, rapidly approaching Earth in the sky: "Well, judging by the rate that the Earth appears to be getting bigger, I'd say ten, fifteen minutes before all of humanity is extinguished."

*Semievil runs by with Burby00 gnawing on his ear, yelling "Get it off, get it off!"*

Maybe:"Good, fifteen minutes, that'll give us time to win this game of Capture the Giant Chickenbone and vanquish the Evil Dreamteam from Hell for once and for all!"

*Mr. Slick runs by with Krig gnawing on his ear, yelling "Get it off, get it off!"*

*Geb thinks for a moment, then a lightbulb appears above his head, signifying that he has an idea.*

Maybe:"You have an idea?"

Geb:"Yes, I have a plan that should allow us to both win the game of Capture the Giant Chickenbone as well as save the Earth and us from annihilation. Let me whisper it to you."

Maybe:"Why can't you just say it out loud?"

Geb:"Don't you ever watch TV? If I say it out loud for the audience to hear, it's doomed to fail for certain! However, if I merely whisper it to you, with no-one knowing what I say, we are garunteed success!"

*Geb whispers to Maybe, and the camera pans out to show the destruction that is the Arena.*

Whatever will happen this time? Has NES been revived? Or will this just be another futile attempt at ressurection? Only time will tell...

------------------
"The wicked flee when no man pursueth" --Proverbs 28:1

[Semievil333]

The panning camera reveals that all have now been taken up in the game of CTGCB, including the narrator.... which leaves us to ponder the obvious question: Who's working the camera?

The camera turns around suddenly and we find the camera man eating a giant chicken lunch, throwing the bones into the arena- the probable cause of the mass confusion.

Eventually this leaves all the characters with at least one chicken bone, except for Krig, who has horded five of them and is gnawing furiously on the largest.

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[CamoKid223]

(NSP: I guess I wanna try something so I'll just make a advertisment!)

*.............*
*krig turns on 5" black and white T.V*
Krig: Me hate st00pid conection!
*krig then bashes his head onto the T.V set*
Guy #1: Gidday Mates! we well now break into a comercial from our sponsers!
*Some misterious music comes up*
BUUUMmmmmmmmmmmmmm........BUUUMMMMmmmm......BUUUUU UUUMMMMMMMM. Bum Bum! Dum Dum Dum Dum....
*Meanwhile a man is runing torwards a kool aid bottle, music continues*
Krig: oooooooo tasty drink!
*Krig reaches to the T.V*
*Finnaly man reaches the bottle and lifts it in the air*
Krig: Me want! Me want!
*Making a crisp snap the man chugs the kool aid down*
Kool Aid! The drink you Drink!

(Nsp: Not to great I guess......they st00pid marshmeloes!)

------------------
"What good is a reward if your not around to use it." - Han Solo

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Hey there Camo. You're post wasn't too bad, especially considering that many of us have pulled off worse *shooting a murderous look towards Sem and his last post* Anywhos, I encourage you to continue writing, and like we tell all writers, as long as you keep the NeS spirit in mind (don't you like how vague that is? hehe), anything can really go. Now it seems that I, Geb, the mighty leader, must pull this shabby thread back together again !!Warning: ego has become too large to support!! Anywhos, let's see what I can't come up with...)

*In the murky depths known as Silicon Valley, the anime writers trudge on, fighting to hold ground with their 2D feet and resist the urge to start epic-proportioned close-range fights while ripping off their shirts. The group traversed down the cliffside that their VW bug had been parked on at the top. Now they were planning to salvage what was left of the wreckage at the bottom. As they were going down, the conversation was anything but merry...*

Phantom: *in Hungarian accent* Oh vell, I see how it is, ya? You like to total vehicles that are crutial to us out-of-shape writers, ya?

Geb: Oh yes, I just take soooo much joy in acting stupid.

Ante: My footsies hurt!

Maybe: Wah wah wah.

Otter: Can't we stop just a bit? *all questions seemed to be addressed to Maybechild now*

Maybe: No.

Ante: But my footsies--

Maybe: Did I say you could talk?

Ante: ...they hurt--

Maybe: TOO BAD! Let's get a move on, you slackers.

Geb: Um...I thought I was the..leader...awww hell.
------------------------------------------
*In the CTF-style Arena(c), our heroes find themselves trying to find which bone is the real Giant Chicken bone that they are suppose to capture. The CTF arena, having been placed on the moon, is also only minutes away from crashing into the Earth. Losien is perhaps the only one concerned about the iminent planetary collision, which is why she is trying to find the nearest church to reconcile for her sins.*

Will our heroes be defeated by the evil DreamTeam, or succumb to a horrible death in mere minutes first, or perhaps even find a way to avoid both? Will our writers-turned-anime be able to turn back to normal and rescue Semievil and all of Massassi from the evil Microsoft/UGO empire? Will these posts ever actually advance the loose plot of this thread? Will CookedHaggis ever start writing? Err...you didn't hear that last one. Um...and in fact, I was never here... *narrator slips out*

~Geb

[Randy]

&lt; Slowly the world fades from black and slowly comes into focus as conciousness floods into Randy..&gt;

Randy: Ohhhhhh... What the heck happened?

&lt; Suddenly the memory of the current situation and the apparent lapse in conciousness comes to light. Looking out of the arena Randy can see the Earth growing larger in his field of vision.&gt;

Randy: This can't be good!

&lt; Randy then remebers that he was near the flag and... &gt;

Randy&lt;now semi-on-his-feet, looking around&gt;: Where is the flag? I know I saw it around here some where...

&lt; Looking across the field reveals Mr. Slick and Sem racing about in circles with foes attached to their ears, Ares standing in the middle of the arena laughing maniacly, Darkside and Antistarr locked in close combat. Meanwhile TotallyEvil and Losien are on the farside of the arena in a cat fight as Morris looks on. They still lies in the crater as before moaning the occasional "owchie". Geb can be seen whispering into Maybe's ear as Krig happily gnaws on a number of giant chicken bones. Randy grabs a particularly shiny chicken bone near his feet...&gt;

Randy: This could come to some...

&lt; Just then a shrill cry comes from behind Randy...&gt;

Farr's Girlfriend: Don't let him get the flag!!!

&lt;With that the mighty deamon lunges at Randy, claws and teeth bared. Randy, out of instinct swings the giant chicken bone like that of a major league baseball player and connects with Farr's chest sending him hurtling back into his girlfriend. She screams...&gt;

Farr's Girlfriend: You broke my nail you big idiot!!!

Farr: Sorry honey-bunny.

&lt; With that Farr's girlfriend grabs Farr by his horns and proceeds to spindle him like playdough &gt;

Farr: Owchie..owww..owww...argh..owch!!!

Randy: Now's my chance...

&lt; Randy, grabbing the flag/bone, turns to run. Just then They begins to recover, seeing Randy, he draws two Uzies and begins to lay down sheet after sheet of burning lead...&gt;

They: DIE!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

&lt;Will Randy escape? What is Geb's All-Star plan to save our heros for the perilous peril that awaits them? Will Krig finish his incesant gnawing? Tune in next time...&gt;

[Semievil333]

Benevolent
Upward
Mobility
Post!!!
(A message from B.U.M.P. Corporation Ltd.)

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[IS_ford1342]

im afraid to read this

------------------
may the farce be with you.

[CookedHaggis]

*bump*

[RabidPlatypus]

So he searched the diseased clown and found a tasy mushroom, it looked very tasty, it was purple with white polkadots, i'll explain it from top to bottom (dramatic pause) it is about 2cm tall starting at the first milimiter is a tiny little chip off it resembling north carolina, in the second milimeter there is a little speck of dust, on the third milimeter u will notice the ancient and rare white rhinoceres, on the fourth milimeter your lucky numbers are 6, 5, 4, 7 and 4, on the fifth milimeter your journey will soon come to an end, on the sixth milimeter there are several different species of mushrooms, each 2 mm tall, i will explain all of those afterwards, anyways on the 7th milimeter there is a flipbook that shows a little cartoon containing an invisible man, on the 8th milimeter you will see a portrait of someone made by the clown, on the 10th milimeter, there is a phone, you notice it has 10 lines with 9 lines taken up, if you check line 1 it will be the president, line 2 it will be luke skywalker, line 3 will be yoda, line 4 will be Sarn-Cadrill, line 5 will be a new species of monkey, Line 6 will be your mother's best friend cousin, second uncle twice removed's roomate, line 7 will be your best friend bob, line 8 will be a bunch of people talking about coconuts and finally line 9 will be the massassi templeso anyways back tot he mushroom, the 11th milimeter will contain a mini computer with email, it has 3 emails, the first one says: hi hahehah hoooo so i saw that monkey the other day, and it had a large head, i wonder how many monkeys have large heads, the second email said: the massassi temple is a weird messed up place the third email said: Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to ride on a one horse open sleigh, ohhh jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to ride on a one horse open sleigh, dashing through the snow, on a one horse open sleigh, through the fields we go, laughing all the way hahaha, ok on to the 12th milimeter of the mushroom, the boy who seems to have no name so far sees a message that says, boy who picks his nose, your name how is fredwick, on the 13th milimeter you will notice something that says: your unlucky numbers are: 13 on the fourteenth milimeter you will see something inscribed in german, you make it out as: woo woo wo woo who let the dogs out, woo woo woo woo wo, who let the dogs out, on the fifteenth milimeter there is a little model of the city of new york, you see the empire state building, times square, even the white house, even though that's not in New york, on the sixteenth milimeter you will see a poem that reads:
Hey ho hey ho
I found myself a yo-yo
It goes up and down
On the seventeeth milimeter u see a little dog with no home, so the boy takes it with him as a companion, on the eighteenth milimeter you see a keyboard, it only has these keys: abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz so you can only type letters and stuff get my drift, on the nineteenth milimeter you notice the mushroom texture gets rather rough and finally on the 20th milimeter the mushroom becomes sharp and pointy.

Yes, i was bored ok

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Ohhhh you're eeevil Cookedhaggis. Waiting to post...And silly RabidPlatypus, your spooky taco-like posting on NeS, hehe. Oh yeah, and since I'm on my spring break now, I'll try to post some actual stuff. Just not now. Prcrastination is like masterbation...I'll let you all try to figure that one out http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif hehe)

~Geb

[Krig the Viking]

Procrastination has me in it's evil clutches as well... and I don't really think I want to ponder that statement, Geb...

------------------
"The wicked flee when no man pursueth" --Proverbs 28:1

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Urgh, Sem is out this week and I'm having trouble thinking of a good post myself. And it has to be a good one. Ermmm, sooo...uh...)

B.U.M.P.
------------------------------
"Procrastination is like masterbation: In the end, you're just screwing yourself" -second-hand source from Semievil333

~Geb

[Gebohq]

(NSP: I'm postin already! Sheesh! Then you all better! Cuz I'm making darn-tootin' sure that it'll all be easy for you to post again. Er...theoretically anywhos. Here goes nothing...)

In the Arena, our heroes find themselves next to defeat and destruction at the hands of the evil Dream Team. Oh yeah, and near minutes from being annaliated, with the moon the Arena is on, in a planetary collision with Earth. And now, the conclusion of "Darkside and the moon".

Geb: I have a plan!

Maybe: Well what is it already?

Geb: I told you already, remember? The whole "wisper" deal?

Maybe: Oh yeah. If only I knew what "shph-ps-hpshs-phsh" meant...

Geb: Yeah, I guess you would have liked to have heard the actual plan, eh?

Maybe: Oh, just maybe. But take your time, hon! *rolls her eyes*

Geb: Yeah, so anywhos, my plan is that we get the Darkside guy really mad, and then have him pull a classic "Dragonball Z-style jump in the air and launch a huge energy ball into the ground", thus having so much power to cause the moon to stop moving towards Earth and into the opposite direction! Whadda ya think?

Maybe: Yeah, real smart. That move will kill us all, or blow the moon up, and not work at all.

Geb: Oh yeah, good point. Er, on to Plan B then: make it up as we go along.

Maybe: Riiiiiight...
--------------------------------------------
*In the realm of the writers-turned-anime, the writers find themselves standing by the VW Beetle. The writers collectively wonder how they managed to "find" where they were, seeing how they are not drunk at the moment. The writers turn to look at each other, nodded their heads, and each took out their weapons and such from the car. As they beging to trek towards the Microsoft headquarters deep within Silicon Valley, TheOtter tosses a hand grenade behinds himself. The car then, in a Die-Hard fashion, explodes with the equivilance of a small nuclear detonation.*

Otter: A little "Thank you" for the guys back at Rent-a-Car...
--------------------------------------------
*Meanwhile (NeS count: 1,294), back in the Arena...*

Randy: AHHHHHHH!!!!! They're coming after me!

Sem: Who is?

Randy: They!

Sem: They who?

Randy: They they!

Sem: Them? *pointing at the laughing man shooting with Uzis towards them*

Randy: YES! THEY!!!!

Sem: You mean them--

Randy: DUCK YOU IDIOT!

Sem: Duck? Where?

*Randy forces the both of them down as the bullets whiz over their heads.*
--------------------------------------------
*Thanks to the brilliant invention of cutscenes, the writers now "find" themselves at the entrance to the mighty Microsoft/UGO headquarters. The writers enter the lobby much like in "The Matrix", with the ominous men being no match for the anime skills of the writers. The group then proceeds to the elevator, where they wait patiently as it rises to the penthouse level, where Semievil is being held by Bill Gates.*

Phantom: *kicking down the doors, and speaking in a Russian accent* Release our friend, or taste lead, scumbag!

Gates: Oh, look at me! I'm peeing my pants....oh wait, I am peeing my pants.

*A few of hte writers giggle and snicker*

Gates: SILENCE! Or your friend will be no more.

Sem: Hey, how'd you guys know to find me here? And how'd you all know that he was behind the evil that's befallen on Massassi?

Randy: We just stopped in here actually to piss them off. We didn't know that they were--

*Geb jabs Randy in the stomach.*

Geb: --Because we're smooth like that, Sem. And all-powerful! Woo-oo-oo-oo! *waves his hands towards Gates and trying to be spooky*

Gates: Umm...right. You can't possibly be powerful enought o stop me though! START PHASE THREE!

*Red alarms begin to go off in the room.*

Gates: HA! The Zone has been unleashed upon Massassi!

Writers: *in unison* NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!...
------------------------------------------
*In the Arena, Geb and Maybe are searching through the scrap chicken bones from earlier.*

Maybe: ....I found it!

*Maybechild lifts up a giant wishbone.*

Geb: Good for you, you want a medal? Now, take one end, and I'll take another. Then wish and pull apart....ready? Pull!

*The two pull, and Geb gets the bigger half. Instantly, the latest edition of Playboy materializes in front of Geb.*

Maybe: What the hell?

Geb: Well if I only have a few minutes before the end of life here and on earth, I might as well make good use of it.

Maybe: Out of all the things you could have wished for... *sigh*

Geb: What?
-------------------------------------------
*In the realm of the writers...*

writers: ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!......
-------------------------------------------
*In the Arena...*

Ante: Hey wait! EVERYONE STOP!

*The whole chaos that was teh game of Capture the Giant Chicken Bone stops completely in a cartoon-ish style.*

Ante: Not that I don't believe in free will or anything, but how the hell is anything happening right now? All the great writers that bring the action to our existance aren't writing at the moment, are they?

Krig: Uh-oh...me smell plot hole coming...

Oh my! It's a giant plothole! And it's sucking in everything and everyone! What will happen to our heroes now?
-------------------------------------------
*In the writer's realm...*

writers: ...OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Gates: Ow, my ears... I think I'm going to go change my pants now.

*Bill Gates zips outside the room. The writers all "find" themselves now rather depressed. Losien though had been busy playing with Bill Gate's personal computer: surfing the Internet and crushing her opponents in a game of JediKnight. As Gates had left the room, Losien noticed a little red light that was flashing on the CPU. Her eyes growing unnaturally large with curiosity, she pushed the little red button.*

*And out came a computer being, much like the one that had turned them anime.*

Being: Hello, I am the PC Genie. What do you wish?

*The writers smiled deviously at each other in unison, after which they all wondered how they all managed to do things in unison.*

(NSP: OK, I left this open-ended for all of you, for both the writers and the heroes. I'd suggest wrapping up teh writer's bit first, them moving with something, some theme, for the heroes, so we can get a regular posting-thing going again. Hope the open-end thing isn't too intimidating for you all, I'm just doing this because it's late for me, and I have things to do the next few days. I know you can all do it.)

~Geb

[Phantom_Master]

After seeing Losien press the Red Button and the PC Genie came out, Phantom knew what he wanted...

Phantom: "I want the M16 from SS3 Beta Version 9.0 with unlimited ammo!!

------------------
I am the Shadow...

[Krig the Viking]

(Geb: Thank you very much for releasing me from the shackles of writers block with your brilliant post. I will not let you down.)

*In the Real World of the Writers...*

PC Genie:"And so you shall have it, Phantom."

*The genies crosses his arms and blinks. An M16 appears in Phantoms hands, looking strangely digitized.*
*All around the world, children playing SS3 suddenly stop.*

Random SS3-playing-kid:"Hey, where the hello did my M16 go?"

Phantom, holding M16 (in German accent):"Vat? Thees gun is merely a digital illusion! Eet can-not hurt anyvone! Poo!"

PC Genie:"You people have one wish left."

Maybe the Writer:"One wish? Don't we get three?"

PC Genie:"I'm sorry, but I am Windows95-based. I do not support the third wish capability."

Otter the Writer:"Ok, I wish for--"

*There is a crack noise, and Otter the Writer slumps to the ground, revealing Krig the Writer still behind him, with his fist still out from smacking Otter on the head.*

Geb:"Thanks, Krig, you've saved us from certain doom. Ok, Genie, I wish that five seconds from now we will be teleported back to our offices, un-animeitized, with our offices fully intact, and with five million in our bank accounts."

PC Genie:"Your wish is my command."

*PC Genie crosses his arms and blinks. Instantly, everyone is back in their offices in the undamaged Massassi Writer's building, fully human again.*

Geb the Writer:"Woohoo, I can see again, without those fishbowl anime eyes!"

Maybe the Writer:"Hey, let's check our bank accounts, we're gonna be rich!"

*Maybe logs into her computer.*

Maybe the Writer:"Aw, crap, we've got five million alright! Five million lira!"

Geb the Writer:"I knew I should have specified!"

Losien the Writer:"Um, guys, you should probably see this..."

*Everyone crowds around Losien's computer, where she has opened the Never Ending Story.*

Losien the Writer:"It seems that while we were gone, the story went out of control... it's all my fault, I'm sorry."

Geb the Writer:"Who has been writing the story while we were gone?"

Sem the Writer (at his own computer):"It appears that, while we were gone, the data file which we store NeS in was corrupted, adding several thousand random characters. It appears that these random characters happened to form a semi-coherant plot..."

Geb the Writer:"Is that possible?"

Sem the Writer:"In an infinity of dimensions, everything is possible, right?"

Maybe the Writer:"I think the real question here is: Can we save this story?"

A dark and impending silence falls upon the writers. Suddenly, they turn to their computers and begin typing feverishly. What will be the result?

--------------------------------------------
*Meanwhile, in the Story Realm...*

Ante:"I sense that a plothole has been narrowly averted, somehow..."

Sem, pointing at the rapidly growing Earth in the sky:"Which still doesn't change the fact that we're all about to die!"

*Everyone stares up at the sky, in a frightened silence.*

Random passerby:"Wait! Look! Up there in the sky! It's a bird--no, it's a plane--no, it's a taco! No, wait, it's Enchilada Man!!!"

*Up in the sky, a tiny glowing dot rapidly expands into the sillouette of Enchilada Man's spacecraft. The tinny voice of Enchilada man echoes out of the spacecraft's loudspeakers.*

Enchilada Man:"Fear not, populace, I have returned briefly to save the world! Please stay calm!"

*Enchilada Man positions his spacecraft directly between the earth and the rapidly closing asteroid that the Arena is on. Suddenly, a rapid-fire barrage of tacos spews from his ship's gun ports. The tacos pummel the asteroid for many minutes, until the asteroid comes to a complete stop.*

All good and evil combatants in the Arena:"Yay!"

What will happen, now that the Arena is in permanent orbit around the Earth? Will the bad guys and the good guys begin to fight? How will this affect the CTGCB game? Tune in next time for the exciting and though provoking continuation of NES!!

------------------
"The wicked flee when no man pursueth" --Proverbs 28:1

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Enchiladia man! Yey! Er...don't have time to post now, but I will soon. Complete with a less-plot driven theme for your NeS goodness http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif And something for you all to think about: the COCONO triange (also known as the caffinee trinity. It's made up of Coca-Cola, coffee, and No-Doz). Very good philosophy for the writers, no? Hehe)

In today's news, the B.U.M.P. coorperation stocks have dramatically risen in the past few weeks. A steady rise is expected to continue. In other areas of the stock market, the Coca-Cola company stocks have risen, as well as many donut and porno shops. Stocks in Volkswagon as well as Pay-Per-View have gone down. More news following the Microsoft "Phase 3" at eleven...
--------------------------------
"Hey, your mom's pretty hot Bill--"
"Shut up Ted..."
"Remember when I asked your mom to the prom Bill--"
"Shut up Ted!"
--Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures

~Geb

[Phantom_Master]

Phantom suddenly finds himself on an asteriod orbiting earth. A violent game of Capture The Giant Chickenbone is going on in an arena type area on the asteriod. He sees various villians he thought were only part of old wive tales used to scare little children. He saw Darkside, They, Ares Clone. Farr and the other writers looking up into space as a strange looking ship takes off.

Phantom: "The element of surprise."

With that he pulls out an M16, surprisingly like the one he wished for..

Phantom: "Thanks, PC Genie."

Phantom began to open fire on the Evil Dream Team...

------------------
I am the Shadow...

[Gebohq]

NSP: Don't post yet guys! I've got a real good one comming and it'll be up as soon as I can. Thanks.

------------------
~Geb

[Hoard]

Hoard: Dear god! This thread dates back to the days Miss Fire was here?

------------------
Those who stare in the eyes of death and laugh will be the first to go.

[Semievil333]

This thread dates back to the days of Moses and Aaron; and Geb here has been in it from the start. I think it's time for Dr. Geb to give us a history lesson =D let's see if he can remember it all (cue 2001 music)

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[Krig the Viking]

The NES Writers: Keeping an ancient legend alive...

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Hehe, a history lesson? Of what kind? I sorta gave a history back on page...oh I forgot, where it was a story post with "grampa lightside" telling the kids about how NeS started and formed the Interactive Story board and such. But yes, Hoard, this story has been here since nearly the beginning, back when Miss Fire and Galvatron and Enchilada Man posted. How I miss my first generation co-workers. Ah well, I shall now introduce my post which I hope will move NES in a less plot driven and NeS style direction. Think it's bad now, just wait until page 20 or so, when we break the longest thread record. Advertisements galore, start our own religion, conquor Switzerland...er...oops, getting ahead of myself. Here it goes...)

In the fighter's realm, the annailation of Earth and the Arena are barely avoided, thanks to the efforts of Enchilada Man and his taco-spewing turrets. As the Evil Dream Team was being distracted by such a Mexican spectacle, Phantom_Master enters the picture, thanks to the quick-thiking of the writers. Using the gun he wished for from the PC Genie and the element of surprise, he opened fire on the bad guys.

Burby 00: Holy jalapenos! They shot at us!

They: No we didn't...

Burby 00: Not this again...
-----------------
Geb: Woohoo! I'm relieved from teh game now, right coach?

Maybe: You idiot! We're all in this together.

Geb: ohh...

Maybe: Oh crap, who has teh Giant Chicken Bone?

Everyone's eyes simutaneously looked at the center of the arena, where, all by himself, Krig was sitting, examining and licking the Giant Chiken Bone.

Maybe: Krig! Get to the goal zone, now!

Darkside: Get him!

Krig: Uh-oh...

Krig begins to run towards the good guys at their goal, leaving the Chicken Bone where it was.

Maybe: Get the chicken bone!

Hesitantly, Krig dashed back to snatch the Giant Chicken Bone, narrowly avoiding the claws of Morris the Cat. Krig was now running for his dear life, only a foot away from the bad guys.

Losien: Run Krig, run!

Geb: Toss it to me, Krig. I'm open!

Before Maybechild can scream "NO!", Krig throws the bone to Gebohq, who fumbles it. "They" then starts to pull out his uzis, and slowly pulled the trigger. In slow-motion, Geb falls backwards to dodge the bullets, throwing the Chicken Bone aimlessly backwards. Miraculously, TheOtter catches it, and holds it high in the air. As teh bad guys approach though, TheOtter throws it over his head, where Antestarr catches it on the other side. They continue to do this, taunting "monkeys in the middle" until Maybe grabs the Bone from Otter and runs towards the goal herself.

With the timer having only mere seconds now, the bad guys' only hope is that she doesn't make it in time. Obviously, thanks to clocks having a slowing mechanism built in to go off at important times, such as school getting out and the end of games, Maybechild had reached the end of the goal with one second to spare.
-----------------------------------
In the writer's realm, Phantom_Master looks upon his first "official" addition to The Neverending Story Thread with pride. All the other writer's congratulate him on a job well done.

Randy: Woohoo! Er...now what?

Phantom: What do you mean "now what?"

Randy: I mean, what are we going to write next?

The writers grumbled after realizing now that the story would have to continue, unless living in a van down by the river appealed to them.

Geb: I don't think I have the energy for it.

Mase: What we need is a way to keep it going without us having to write...hey, remember when we had the Playstation on, and the story followed with that? Maybe we could do something like that.

Sem: Hey, I've been making a First person Shooter game of my own design on my free time, canabalizing engines and ideas from other games. We could just stick that in, and leave it to its own devices.

Otter: Should we really put our creations through such torture?

Sem: That was back in my early editing days! I do not build such aweful levels as I had with the Sporkus castle. Besides, you got a beter idea.

Otter: ....no. But I do have an idea what we can do?

Maybe: Yeah smart guy, it's called "stopping Microsoft's Phase 3"

Geb: No need to worry about that, Maybe. Look outside.

Outside the window, jets with the words "Massassi Fighters" written on them, zoomed overhead.

Geb: The Zone is no match for the superior multiplayer influence of the Massassi Temple. Besides, what could we do? We know squat about editing.

Sem gives Geb a "what about me?" signal.

Geb: Like I said, we know less than nothing about editing. So anywhos, what was your idea, Otter?

Otter: I think we should all go out to a nightclub. You know, get some dates, go to a fancy dinner, and party the night away.

A murmer of dissaproval eminates from the anti-social group of writers.

Otter: Aw come on! It'll be fun! It's either that, or write for this story.

The writers quickly pull out their black books, ready to call up someone for a date. Geb meanwhile looks lost.

Geb: ...but I don't have anyone I could take for a date.

Mase: Use your right hand. You're already aquainted with each other...

After having arranged who to take as their dates and location to meet at, they headed out of the offices, not before plugging in the custom first-person shooter, which was black and labeled with a skull and crossbones, with the words "Warning!" on it.
---------------------------------------------
Instantly after having won the game of CTGCB, the fighters found themselves materializing out of the Arena and away from their foes. They now found themselves at the entrance of a restaurant called "Geb's B-B-Q Gibs House" Eyeing each other for approval, the group stepped in cautiously. Young girls with tight white shirts sat them down at a table, handed them their menus, and went back to serving the others.

Krig: Krig hungry. Krig don't like food here though...

Randy: Hey! The menus don't have any choices of food here. They sure do look nice though. Ohh, look at the pretty pictures on the side...

Antestarr: Hey guys, this isn't a menu for food. It's a menu for our next challange. There's a single player option, multiplayer option, as well as a configuration option here. This looks like a game menu. And from our surroundings, it appears to be something violent.

Sem: First person shooter. What else would it be?

Mase: So what should we do?

(NSP: OK, I left it open as to whether you want to go with single player (semi-story) or multiplayer (sorta like teh Arena, except more FPS style, not fighter-game style). Everyone should be familiar with some version of a FPS, so feel free to include/make fun of what you know. This would also be a PRIME TIME for CookedHaggis to start writing, as a waiter perhaps, suggesting the singleplayer and offering to join. The writers themselves coudl have situation that parallel those in the fighter's realm, but the main funny situation to come out of that should be the anti-social ascpect as we enter a very social surrounding.)

------------------
~Geb

[Phantom_Master]

IN-game Phantom looked at the menu and decided what he wanted.

Phantom: (In French accent)"Waiter, I'll take a Single-player with Impossible moves cheat activated."

Waiter: "But sir, you have not played the game yet. You have to earn that cheat."

Phantom: "I SAID I WILL TAKE A SINGLE-PLAYER WITH IMPOSSIBLE MOVES ACTIVATED!"

*Phantom pulls out his shiny M16 from SS3 and points it at the Waiter.*

Phantom: "Now give me what I ordered."


------------------
I am the Shadow...

[RabidPlatypus]

The spooky taco is catching up with you

[CookedHaggis]

*The waiter does an impossible move and disarms Phantom*

Waiter: "I'm sorry sir, but that option is reserved for regular customers and staff only."

*Phantom sulked, he was excited about the prospect of playing with "big weapons", not least because it opened up the prospect of some not-very-subtle innuendo...*

Waiter: "However, if I could recommend today's special; Single Player in extra crispy mode soaked in a white wine sauce."

*The writers' eyes light up at the mention of alcohol*

Geb: "Sounds alright, but I will never betray my Massassi multiplayer roots!"

Waiter: "Did I mention the special we're doing on coffee? Free fill ups..."

Geb: "Woah, alcohol and cheap coffee, a writer's dream. Throw in a cheap hooker and I'm sold."

*Everyone turns to look at Geb*

Geb: "Fine then, an expensive hooker, geez..."

Phantom: "I want my gun back!"

Waiter: "You will have your firearm returned to you once you leave.
*turns to the others*
So, is it singleplayer all round?"

Geb: *looks quizically at the waiter* "Do I know you?"

Waiter: "I do not believe so sir. I am quite sure I would remember such a...pungent...aroma..."

Geb: "Hey, I've been dragged through multiple universes, several dimensions and saved the world. It's not my fault that the writers haven't seen fit to give me a shower."

Waiter: "Quite. So singleplayer all round?"

Sem: "There's something odd here..."

Geb: "Look, I told you, it's the writers' fault I haven't had a shower!"

Sem: "It's not about you...it's something elsewhere, elusive..."

*Sem looks up at the waiter*

Geb: "I do know you!"

*The waiter tries to make a hasty exit*

Geb: "Krig!"

*Krig grabs the waiter by the shoulder*

Krig: "Kring eat?"

Geb: "No Krig, not until we've established whether or not he's an important plot point..."

*Randy leans over and whispers to Antestarr*

Randy: "Plot?"

(NSP: Well I posted....I'll leave it up to you lot to decide if it's any good or not.)

[This message has been edited by CookedHaggis (edited May 02, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by CookedHaggis (edited May 07, 2001).]

[Semievil333]

At the mention of the word 'plot' there is an ominous flushing sound.

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[happydud]

then the never ending story ended.
PS. i sued the makes of those movies for false advertising. http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

------------------
666. The number of the beast. 665. The neighbor of the beast. 673. Lives down the street from the beast.
-No Margarita, we didn't have any officers.
You can smell the mouth in my liquor!?!

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Good post CokkedHaggis, just the right style in my opinion. Though I don't think Krig will be happy that you spelled his name wrong continuously, hehe. I was hoping some more would post before I posted again, but oh well. Here's a quick one.)

Inside Geb's B-B-Q Gib's House, Krig dragged the suspiciously familiar waiter by the collar with the others towards the counter. Gebohq pushed asides the line of people by the counter and slapped his hand on the counter to get the attention of the person behind it.

Geb: We want the Singleplayer option. Now.

Guy behind counter: Er..sorry sir. You have to wait until your number is called--

Geb called out for Krig, and Krig dragged the waiter for the guy to see. Geb made a slitting action across his neck to imply what would happen to the waiter if they didn't meet his demands. The guy behind the counter sighed as if this was a regular occurance, and the fighters waited five minutes while the guy behind the counter talked to the manager.

Guy behind counter: OK sir, I need to know how many people are in your party.

Otter: Party? Where?

Maybe: Not that kind of party. Sheesh.

Geb: Uh... *turns around and begins pointing at each of the fighters* One, two, three, four...

Waiter: It's the co-op special, Guy behind the counter.

Guy behind the counter: OK then, step right this way then.

The fighters, with Krig dragging the waiter, followed the guy behind the counter behind the counter and through the door. The group stood in a dark room with a teleporter, and the guy began handing them out pistol-like weapons.

Guy, now in teleporter room: You are all being given your massively useless laser pistols. Your appetizers will include light enemies, some easy-to-solve puzzles, and some better weapons coviniently placed about. Your main dish will include a astronomical number of bad guys that are hard to kill, puzzles that are near-impossible, more weapons too big to be practical in real life, and some really big bosses. And if you live dessert will be a bonus level. You'll have the pleasure of having your gibs barbeque-style with the wonderful scenery such as maze-like space stations, maze-like scientific facilities, maze-like alien dimensions, and finally, maze-like depths of Hell.

Krig: Krig not hungry anymore...

Ante: Yeah, I want a refund.

Waiter: Sorry, no refunds accepted. And being dragged into this, I wish we did.

Guy: Have a nice day then.

Before any of the others could escape, the guy closed the door behind him and locked it. A sector thrust violently pulled them into the teleporter, and into the unknown.
----------------------------------------
Elsewhere ("Meanwwhile" was calling in for a sick day), the writers all had their dates (Masemann with MaybeChild, Otter with Losien, Antestarr with the local supermodel/secret agent, Randy with Miss Fire who was there for the night, and Geb with his right hand. The others decided to go stag for their seperate reasons. Their first place for the night: The Outback (how romantic)...

Who is this suspiciously familiar writer? Will our heroes survive their dinner, or will their dinner eat them? Will the writers be able to conquor their anti-socialness in such a social night? With dates? Tune in next time to find out, right here. As if you might actually find the next post at some other thread, like "The Spooky taco" or something. Bah. They don't even have a cool narrator like I. You all know it: I'm the reason this thread is so popular. Don't deny it. The women can't resist me...
---------------------------

~Geb

Hey! I'm not finished yet! Come back here...

[Gebohq]

NSP: Hm...perhaps posting something big for all of us to write was placed at a bad time, seeing how it IS near teh end of the school year, and for some of us, graduation just around the corner (yay). I meant to include this in the last post, btu I forgot, so this gets it's own post, hehe.

(to the tune of "Chili's Baby back rib's" song)

I want my wo-men-and-co-caine-and-free-beer...Geh-bahhhhhq's, Ge-bohq's fresh gibs! Oh yeah!

Hope it all get's stuck in your head with teh rest of those annoying songs that uh...get stuck in your head. Mwa-ha, mwa-ha, mwa-ha-ha.

------------------
~Geb

[Krig the Viking]

(I thank God I don't know the tune of "Chili's Baby Back Ribs". Thank you, God. Um... I should write something, but my brain won't let me.)



------------------
"The wicked flee when no man pursueth" --Proverbs 28:1

[CookedHaggis]

(NSP: Can't think of anything to write at the moment, so I'll just put it back up to the top and hope someone else is feeling a bit more inspired...)

[Krig the Viking]

*A flash of light blazes, then fades away. Krig the Viking falls out of the air and lands face first onto the muddy ground. After laying there for a moment, Krig gets to his feet, looking around squintily.*

Krig:"Grrrrrrrrrrr....."

*The world around Krig is incredibly detailed, moreso than real life. A too-real sky filled with dark, low haning clouds whistles by overhead, while in the distance very realistic trees stand still. The mud beneath Krig's feet looks very realistic, yet when Krig takes a step, he does not sink in. Upon closer inspection, the mud appears to be painted onto a flat surface.*

Krig:"Krig think Krig in video game. That explain why Krig's hair is all polygons..."

*Suddenly, another flash of light--flashes, and a man composed entirely of polygons appears out of mid-air. He wears a black bowler hat and various other black articles of clothing. He lands face first on the ground, then leaps to his feet.*

Krig:"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

TheOtter:"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Oh, Krig, it's you! Man, you look different when you're all digitized."

Krig:"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

*Suddenly, several more flashes of light resound, and the rest of our party of heroes fall flat on their faces on top of the digital mud.*

Krig & Otter:"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Other Good Guys:"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Zombie:"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

All Good Guys (turning towards zombie):"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

*All of our heroes draw their massively useless laser pistols out of thin air (where all video game weapons are holstered), and blast the zombie with many, many bolts of light.*

Everybody:"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

*The billowing smoke kicked up by the laser fire slowly is slowly blown away by the virtual wind to reveal... the zombie still standing, a laser in its hand, surrounded by the bodies of our heroes.*

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! Is this the end of our heroes? How could this be? We'll return to the NeverEnding Story.... right now!

*A message flashes in the air for a moment: RESTARTING LEVEL...*

*A flash of light blazes, then fades away. Krig the Viking falls out of the air and lands face first onto the muddy ground. After laying there for a moment, Krig gets to his feet, looking around squintily.*

Krig:"Grrrrrrrrrrr....."



------------------
"The wicked flee when no man pursueth" --Proverbs 28:1

[CookedHaggis]

*The world around Krig is incredibly detailed, moreso than real life. A too-real sky filled with dark, low haning clouds whistles by overhead, while in the distance very realistic trees stand still. The mud beneath Krig's feet looks.....

Audience: "We've done this bit!"

*Suddenly, another flash of light--flashes, and a man composed entirely of polygons appears out of mid-air. He wears a black bowler hat and various other black articles of clothing. He lands face first on the ground, then leaps to his feet.*

Krig:"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

TheOtter: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Oh, Krig, it's you! Again..."

*Suddenly, several more flashes of light resound, and the rest of our party of heroes fall flat on their faces on top of the digital mud.*

Sem: "Does anyone else sense a really cheap ploy to reuse stuff that's been written before?"

Geb: "I don't sense anything."

Ante: "Woah, deja-vu."

Geb: "Deja-vu is caused by a glitch in the..."

Sem: "Shut up."

Krig: "Krig kill Zombie."

Geb: "Which zombie?"

Everyone else: "Umm, the one that's standing behind you with a laser gun in one hand."

Geb: "Oh that zombie. I thought you meant the one standing behind you lot which also has a laser gun in its hand..."

Sem: "Duck!"

Waiter: "Where?"

Sem: *sigh*

*An arm pulls the waiter to the realistically textured mud, just as the two zombies shoot. The bolts fly over our crouching hereos and smash into the two zombies- who coincidently were standing exactly opposite each other*

Ante: "Hands up who didn't see that one coming..."

[Gebohq]

Otter: Where the hell are we?

Phantom: *in southern accent* Well, der's sum mud, sum darn creppy clouds ah-buv us. Ai'd say, um... that I haven't got a darn-pickin' clue.

Geb: That was real helpful.

Ante: It's not important where we are, but how to move on. You, waiter guy. What's your name, anyways?

Waiter: Uh...

Maybe: We'll start to call you "Cooked" if you don't help us soon.

Waiter: Fine, if you walk through that wall there, you'll find a rocket launcher for you all to use.

Geb begins to walk towards the wall the waiter pointed towards, and promptly smacks into solid rock.

Waiter: Er...a little to the left.

Geb: Owie....

(NSP: IF this be alright with you Mr. Cooked. Otherwise, feel free to correct.)

------------------
~Geb

[CookedHaggis]

(NSP: Fine by me. Though I have to say I'm rather worried as to how you lot'll treat the new guy http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif)

[happydud]

i sued the makers of The Never Ending Story for false advertising.

------------------
666. The number of the beast. 665. The neighbor of the beast. 673. Lives down the street from the beast.
THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALL- SPLAT!
Guns dont kill people... o wait, they do.

[Antestarr]

(NSP: Well, I promised Geb I'd post, so here I am. See, I can catch up. Really. Just because I had a social life at school doesn't mean I'll have one to soak up my time now that I'm back home...)

*Peering through a crevace in the rock, the crew saw something catching the light. Aside from the army of men, 100-150, each holding two large black bombs, an object approximately 20 feet long and 5 feet wide sat on a pedestal approximately 5 feet long and 2 feet wide.*

Sem: Now I know what you meant when you said "a rocket launcher for all of us to use."

Geb: Any clues what those guys are?

Ante: Hmm... must be Kamikazes... nasty guys. They seem to attack in droves. I ran into them back in my Serious Sam days...

Maybe *smacking Ante upside the head*: This is no time for a flashback. Waiter, why would we need such a large rocked launcher?

Waiter: Why, to gain entry to the Fortress of Forbidden... uh... Forbiddenness TM.

*Suddenly one of the Kamikazes grunts, acknowledging the presence of intruders. The drove starts to amble towards them, and soon works its way into an all out sprint.*

Maybe: Ok, now what do we do.

Ante *taking Maybe's semi-useless laser pistol*: Here, gimme that, and you others, follow my lead.

*Ante starts sliding down the conveniently sloped rock face towards the oncoming mass, gun in each hand, shooting anything that moved below him.*

Kamikazes: RAAAAAGH!!!!

Ante: RAAAAAGH, yourself!

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Thanks Ante, now I'll have to bother the other writers who have been slacking off. *random person: Or having a social life/working hard on something important!* Same difference. Anywhos, onward!)

Will Antestarr live through his suicide run? Will the writers ever go on with their dates? Will--what do you mean I'm too late? ...Well, why can't I have my own post? ...Hey! Don't make me resort to empty threats! Grr...

------------------
~Geb

[Gebohq]

B.U.M.P.

---------------------
~Geb

CHEAP! That was a cheap post! We should fire the writers! Oh yeah, they don't get paid...

[Phantom_Master]

*As Ante closes his eyes thinking he was gonna die, Phantom runs up and grabs Geb's laser pistol and begins to shoot the bombs the kamikazee drones are holding.*

Phantom: (In stormtrooper accent)"DIE KAMIKAZEE SCUM!!"

*All the explosions cause extreme lag as everyone rushes for the Rocket Launcher.*

"Who will get the rocket launcher? Will Gebohq get his pistol back? Tune in next time for the Neverending Story Thread!"


------------------
I am the Shadow...
The Jedi's Saber (http://blake.prohosting.com/~jedsaber)

[Gebohq]

Mase: Stupid....lag-is...making...this-not-fun.

Sem: Makes me happy that I'm an LPB http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Geb: Daaaamn! Won't the explosions ever stop? How are we ever going to make it over to the RPG launcher?

The waiter began to whistle innocently as he stepped behind Gebohq, who was standing behind the others. Raising his foot, the waiter pushed Gebohq foreward, and in a domino effect, pushed everyone over and rolling into a giant ball of fighters. Oddly enough, the ball of fighters bounced from explosion to explosion like a beach ball. The fighters then fell not-so-gratefully one-by-one by the RPG launcher.

Ante: Well, that was one way...

Otter: And rather pointless now, seeing how the explosions finally stopped.

Geb: *starting to grab for the giant RPG launcher* The waiter will be cooked...

Losien: Bad Geb! Bad bad Geb! Don't do that to the nice waiter-man.

waiter: *now conviently by the others* I'd rather be called cooked than be so.

Phantom: *french accent* Oui, I was getting sick of calling you "garcon" anyways...

Cooked: Um, riiiight. Anywhos, if you all pick up the huge rocket launcher, and aim it over there towards the Forbidden Fortress of Forbideness tm, we can move on.

Geb: And then what?

Cooked: What do you mean 'then what?' It's just the next part, OK? I don't know what's going on, I just work here.

The fighters appearances change momentarily to live action with bad acting as they, without control over themselves, used teh huge Rocket Launcher to blow the huge gate that lead inside the fortress. Anxious to knwo what would happen next, the group ran towards the fortress.

Randy: I wonder if teh fact that I'm the only one with a military rank in this group means anything in a singleplayer level liek this...
-------------------------------------------
In the realm of the storywriters...

waiter: More caviar? Or some more wine perhaps?

Geb: *whispering to his right hand* Why do I feel like I know the waiter...

Mase: *to maybe* Well this isn't too bad after all.

Maybe: Yeah, I wonder where Ante and his date went though?

Mase: Do we really want to know?

Maybe: Good point. Excuse me...

As Maybechild gets up from her seat, she motions to the other female dates. They get up as well and follow her to the bathroom.

Phantom: *in hungarian accent* Vomen...you think they're off to scheme secret plans or something.

Sem: Think? What's there to think about?

Otter: Don't be ridiculous, Sem.

Antestarr then steps towards the table, his tie loosened and his hair messy.

Ante: I can't believe it? She told me she had to go to teh bathroom, and that afterwards we should go back to dinner.

All the guys at the table look at each other, then look around to realize that they couldn't see any women around.

Geb: Screw the wine, waiter, I think we all need a round of whiskey now. What's your name again?

waiter: Uh...got to go, I'll be back with your drinks.

Geb: Hmm...I think I'll go with the...gibs? Must be a typo...

[Randy]

&lt;NSP: It's me again, looong time no type people. http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif Anyway, let's see if I've lost my touch shall we?&gt;

In Game:
------------------
&lt; Our heroes bravely move on to the Forbidden Fortress of Forbideness (tm) amazingly eluding soldiers and dispersed pods of kamakazies while dragging the titanic rocket launcher...&gt;

Maybe: Geting to this base is the fairly easy considering we have this big RPG launcher with us.

&lt;Camera pans to the back of the party...&gt;

Randy: Huff...puff... Why..&lt;gasp&gt;..am I...the...&lt;wheeze&gt; the one...carrying...this...&lt;unnnngggghhhh&gt;...th..th.. THING!!!

Geb: Because 1) Your a rookie writer...

Randy:&lt;gasp&gt;...so..is..Masetto!

Sem: 2) You have "Military Rank and Training"...

Randy:...ssssooo...What!!

Maybe: 3) Losien and I can't carry it or we might break a nail. http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif

Randy:...&lt;huff&gt;..Wear...gloves!

Sem: and 4) Do you REALLY want Krig carrying a weapon of mass destruction?

&lt;Camera pans to Krig, who is in the process of trying to catch his tongue as he sticks it out of his mouth.&gt;

Krig: Krig no catch tongue...need...&lt;mpthhhtt&gt;...help!

Randy: Point....

&lt;Just then Ante spies an enemy armor formation through the trees several meters ahead.&gt;

Ante: I bet we could get some semi-useful gear if we blasted the heck outta that tank.

Randy: I've got it...&lt;heave..unnnggghhhh&gt;...

Waiter: NO WAIT!!!

Randy: FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!

&lt;The waiter dives for cover as our heroes, save Randy, scurry to the sides of the digitized trail as Randy sqeezes the trigger on the polygonal weapon. It produces a brilliant flash as a huge, fiery projectile hurtles from the BACK of the weapon into the distance.&gt;

Waiter(yelling over the overpowering roar): IT'S BACKWARDS YOU IDIOT!!!

All(also yelling): WHAT?!?

Waiter: WHAT?!?!?

&lt; The roar subsides... &gt;

Waiter: I SAID IT'S BACKWARDS, BACKWARDS YOU IMBICILE!!!!

Randy: Great, you just gave away our position.

Waiter: Grrrr.....

&lt; With a whistling noise the missile spirals off into the distance and successfully detonates completly aniahlating an entire mountainside. &gt;

All the guys: l33333t!!!

Maybe: Uhh...guys???

&lt; Will our heroes defeat this perilous peril? Will the males in the party overcome the sudden rush of testosterone? What of the anti-social-writers-at-the-restraunt?? Tune in next time, same NSP time, same NSP channel...&gt;

[CookedHaggis]

Bump

[Gebohq]

Inside the Forbidden Fortress of Forbiddeness tm, our heroes trudge on. After having gave away their position via annailation of an entire mountainside, the group decided to run like hell to the next part, deeper inside the fortress. Not before destroying the enemy tank and getting some semi-useful gear.

Randy: *gasp* I think that *pant* this thing has *wheeze* run out of *gasp* ammo.

Ante: That's ok, I think the rest of us pick up better weapons a few minutes ago.

Randy: What? Gr...well, do I get one?

Otter: Er...sorry, we gave the last one to Krig.

Krig is holding what appears to be a shotgun of sorts, sniffing the barrel. Giving a look of disgust, Krig throws the gun tot he ground and promptly hacks it with his axe.

Randy: *sigh* Back to using my massively useless laser pistol.

Maybe: So where are we now?

Cooked: We're deep within the Forbidden Fortress of Forbideness tm, where the mighty Spooky Taco dwells. We're to find the Spooky Taco and destroy it, and along the way shoot every minion of it along the way and uncover a secret plot that--oops, getting ahead of myself.

Losien: Why do we have to destroy it? What did it do to us? After all, we've met nice taco people, like Enchilada Man.

Phantom: (in an English accent)Yes, and what were you going to say about a plot? Tell me or I'll shoot.

Cooked: I don't know! They change it all the time and it's never terribly crutial through the singleplayer experience. Most of the time...Why am I always getting threatened? And what's your real accent, Phantom?

Phantom: (in russian accent)You ask too many questions.

Geb: Oooooooooh! I wonder what this button does on the gun.

Gebohq pushes the button and teh large gun begins to make a charging sound.

Geb: Uh-oh...

------------------
~Geb

[CookedHaggis]

Randy: "What now?"

Sem: "Just try pointing it at the end of the corridor and we'll see what happens."

Phantom: (in a phoney German accent) "Vot if ze gun blows uppen in your face?"

Maybe: "Surely it'd blow up in his hand since there's where he's holding it..."

*Geb lines the gun up with the end of the corridor and waits for it to do something. Everyone else begins backing away*

Cooked: *checks watch* "Not exactly a gun for frantic close encounters is it?"

*time passes*

Maybe: "It's still charging?"

*Geb turns the gun over in his hands*

Geb: "Aha! Found the problem- I pushed the 'Make ominous sound' button."

Cooked: "What kind of weapon is that? What good is making an ominous sound?"

*Geb points the gun at Cooked*

Geb: "You've gotta ask yourself one question; Do I feel lucky? Well do you punk?"

*Geb presses a button and the weapon starts making a charging sound*

Cooked: "Argh! Please don't kill me Geb...I'll be nice, I'll even stop muttering about the failing of Multiplayer under my breath as we walk....just don't kill me!"

*The barrel of the gun explodes in a pyrotechic kalidescope, sending a blue ball of energy crashing into the stonework above Cooked's head*

Maybe: "I think you pushed the wrong button Geb..."

Geb: "No...my aim was just off by a couple of inches..."

[Gebohq]

B.U.M.P.

(NSP: Where's my main writers, man! I have only the new guy posting! Not that it's a bad thing, but doing another bump so close together to one on a page? That can't be a good sign...)

[Ares]

BY GOD.... This thread lives? have you no shame? certain things just can't last. YOU MUST ALL END THIS ATROCITY!
*(Now as ARES, the god of war)* I FORBID YOU TO CONTINUE WITH THE FORBIDDED PALACE OF FORBIDDENESS, OR ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS INSANE STORY. IT'S ALL FORBIDDEN.
IF YOU DEFY ME YOU WILL BE SENT TO THE FORBIDDEN FORBODING, DUNGEON IN THE MOST FORBIDDEN PART OF THE NOW FORBIDDEN, FORBIDDED FORTRESS OF FORBIDDENNESS....
TO DIE!

*DUN DUN DUN*
http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Daaaaamn, even Ares posted. That's a sign people! Er, oh, as far as what you said Ares, well, I can't be certain, seeing how we're all rather un-productive, myself included, but the thread will proabbly go on for another 20 pages before ending. Also, I think the heroes are going to go to the dungeon-section anyways hehe.

Oh, and have any of you recently read the original posts back on page 1-10 and such? It's rather sad that I laughed at my own posts, but the otehrs were pretty good as well. Anywhos, speaking of Ares, you could always write too. This is after all a comedy with little plot. *looks at Ares post* That was a lot of Forbideness. Sounded like a porn title...)

------------------
~Geb

[RabidPlatypus]

ooga booga booga

[Phantom_Master]

Phantom stared at the hole in the wall that was just created by Geb's gun.

Phantom: (In stupid kid accent)"Whoah."

Everyone peers through the hole and they see an army of elite guard troopers standing guard. The AI for the troopers is stupid, as they do not notice the heroes peering through the hole in the wall. Everyone decides to try and sneak away very quietly as to not attract attention.

------------------
I am the Shadow...
The Jedi's Saber (http://blake.prohosting.com/~jedsaber)

[Ares]

porn title eh? http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif
this porn story has gone on porn for too long and the porn lack of porn plot only makes it porn worse. I may do some porn writing porn but dont expect to see much of my porn writing, because i just can't write in this porn story...
I had to do that... I just PORN had too.
http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

[Janitor Bob]

*Suddenly, a large gigantic robotic Chimi-changa bursts through a large stone door. It bounds up to the Elite Troopers and eats them. It also eats Ares for dessert. Then it turns to the ever-growing group of main characters, and stares at them lettuce, foaming from it's mouth.*

*Gebohq wipes out a Star Trek(tm) Phaser and fires at the Chimi-Changa. Nothing happens.*

Gebohq: Confounded! That Chimi-Changa must be evolutionarily resistant to phasers.

Randy: Aren't almost all Alien Life forms evolutionarily resistant to phasers?

Sarn_Cadrill: Of course not! There is no such thing as evolution!

Morat: What! Any scientically minded Homo Sapien can rationally realize the validity of the scientific theory of...

The Chimi-Changa, who hates both Religion and Politics threads eats Morat and Sarn.

*Geb brings up his Ominous-sounding gun and aims it at the Chimi-Changa.*

Ominous-Sounding Gun: DUN DUN DUN!!!

*He pulls the trigger and is imediately sent flying through a large stone wall, destroying it. The energy ball misses the Chimi-Changa and destroyes a priceless portrait of some old famous person*

Geb: That gun seems to have to much recoil!

Phantom (In concieted foriegn scientist accent): Perceptive of you! But now's not the time to psycho-analyze the working mechanisms of made-up firearms. Our main characters are dropping like flies!

Randy: Oh, they'll come back. They always do.

Gebohq: Does anyone have experience with fighting food?

Geb: Uh... I was in a FOOD FIGHT once.

Waiter/Cooked/Cooked_Haggis: I am food...

*The Chimi-Changa turns and bounds towards our heroes.*

*Suddenly another wooden door opens. Out steps... Janitor Bob!*

Janitor Bob: Uh... is this Salk Middle School?

Cooked: You can't write YOURSELF into a thread. That's bad form!

Janitor Bob: This is the never-ending story thread.

Cooked: Oh, yeah. Never mind.

*The Janitor turns and stares at the immense Chimi-Changa*

Janitor Bob: Woah! Looks like somebody forgot to clean up the cafeteria.

*Bob swings his pushbroom around, martial arts style. Then he bats the Chimi-Changa into a Geranium plant. Salsa splatters everywhere. The Chimi-Changa slowly gets up, wounded and angry...*

[Edit: Made Geb and Gebohq, not talk to eachother, it seemed rather schitzophrenic. Also,made some things make a little more sense... but not too much]

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited June 04, 2001).]

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Woo-hoo! More writers! Didn't you write for Sith Hell, Janitor Bob? Well, anywhos, welcome, and continue (you're already doing a wonderful job of using plot holes and all http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif hehe). So uh...yeah. Long live NeS! And uh, stuff.)

------------------
~Geb

[Janitor Bob]

(Re: NSP: No, I didn't write for Sith Hell, the only IS I've written for is a brief oblivious stint for Massassi Wars. I totally screwed everything up, because I didn't read up on Characters, and didn't write in the same style. But fortunately, I have more freedom in the Neverending Story Thread.

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[Semievil333]

Sem the writer(looking up suddenly from his sulking pose at the bar): "Edgad! over there, look! someone has tapped into the NES PPV station! Our fighters are in trouble! Our sponsors are gonna be pissed! What do we do!?"

GTW: "Our first duty, as always, must be to our characters, and we must protect them in times of need. Now as we all know, with out corporate paychecks....."

OTW: "Why don't you just say our first duty is to ourselves?"

GTW: "It sounds more noble!"

MabTW: "I don't think anything sounds noble with your right hand where it is."

MasTW: "Awwwww! That's not right!"

GTW: "I didn't have a date! It was your idea anyway."

STW: "That's not the point! Look, our characters are in trouble! Mase, Otter, you stop the PPV pirates, Me and Geb will go re-code the game to give our characters a way out."

GTW: "But we don't know anything about level editing! Besides, why should we have to do all the work? Look at Krig!"

KTW(Standing up on a table, stripped to the waist, and dancing with two random women): "You know you want me baby!!!"

(all writers): "I'm not getting him."

Later
GTW and STW are staring at a TV screen of geometric shapes in a grid of xyz coordinates, with colored dots to represent players/items. In the fighter's world....
Suddenly the Chimi-Changa attacks, looking more invoulnerable then ever. As all the fighters run away in a panic, they encounter an unexpected block in the hallway. The block suddenly turns into a sign, and default-secondary color writing appears on the beta-neutral colored sign. The writing slowly becomes legible: "Caution, wet floor! Do not subject to high voltages while food items are standing in the convinently placed puddles!" Out of nowhere, a ceiling tile gives way and an electrical wire colored similarly to the sign drops down into the water, apparently dead, and on the far wall, a single circut breaker appears, set in the 'off' position.
Sem and Geb, simultaniously: "I wonder if they want us to subject the wet floor to high voltages while there are food items standing in these convinently placed, and oddly colored puddles?"

The puddles suddenly start changing colors rapidly and go through orange, yellow, red, pink, and fushia before settling on teal.

Sem and Geb: "Close enough."

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[Janitor Bob]

*Janitor Bob stares at the shimmering changing puddles, rather confused*

Bob: So... I'm guessing that this isn't Salk Middle School.

Sem: Nope! You must have fallen through one of those pesky Sci-Fi Virtual Reality Dimensional Gates!

Bob: I hate it when that happens!

Chimi-Changa: I WANT YOUR SOUL!!

Geb, staring at the monsterous mountain of metallic food robot: Here you want my soul, you can have it. It's not worth much though. Even with inflated Black Market Prices it won't sell for more than about 2.50...

Cooked: Well, enough of this playful banter. Let's trigger that conveniantly placed electical outlet.

*The rest of our heroes look back at Janitor Bob, who has cleaned up all the puddles with a large grey mop.*

Bob: There! Now, nobody will slip on that wet spot. Also, the floor looks reflectively shiny and clean!

Chimi-Changa: RAAAR!!

Geb: You just had to do that, didn't you Bob.

Bob: Oops.

*The Chimi-Changa makes to eat Bob whole, and digest him in it's acidic salsa juices. Suddenly Krig picks up the Chimi-Changa and stuffs it into HIS mouth)

Krig: Burp!

Cooked: Ooh. That's going to cause some indigestion and heartburn.

Phantom (In T.V. advertising accent: That's why I always take Pepcid AC 'Provides quick relief for when you've eaten large radioactive robotic Food Items!

*Phantom holds up a container of Pepcid AC. And grins in a very stupid and cheesy way*

----
All Writers, including the newbie, Bob the Writer: Yes! The advertising sponsors will pay us extra for that!


------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[Antestarr]

*Ante, quickly growing bored with the running and the chasing and the eating and the pretty lady, er, uh,.... Ante, getting bored, spies a door merely marked "Storage". Peering into the blackness beyond, his eyes light up like a couple of stoners on April 20th.*

Ante: Hmm... welding tools... glass... christmas lights... junk... everything I need... Guys, I'm gonna ask you all a big favor. I'm gonna be about 8 minutes or so in here, so could you watch the door?

Maybe: Jeez... and I thought Otter was bad...

Ante: What?! I got some work to do. I'll be write back.

Otter: Yeah, besides, I'm much worse than Ante over there... HEY WAIT!

*The door to the storage room slams shut and the bolt slides firmly into place. The sounds of drills, saws, arc welders, and other assorted power tools fill the otherwise completely silent hall. 8.23 minutes later, Ante returns with a triumphant look on his face, and a large piece of machinery in his hands. The machine was larger in the back, with a glass barrel and a small metal lid. Two handles graces the gun, one on the side with a firing mechanism, the other just behind the barrel.*

Mase: What on earth is that?!

Ante: This is my brand new Personal Singularity Generator, or PSG for short. It has a titanium alloy construction with a pure glass barrel to see the pretty energy flux. The Hyper-quad-lithium-plutonium ion core is the best part of this masterpiece. It acts as a power source which should last for 5.2 billion years, or until Krig smashes it. And it'll never get a battery memory!

Geb: Uh... is it... you know... safe?

Ante: Of course, wanna see?

*With that he flips a switch. A low whirring noise is heard as the row of lights illuminate and the glass tube fills with a purple cloud of energy.*

Ante: See this? It's pure energy held in a plasma state...

Maybe: And that's safe?!

Ante: Sure!

Maybe: BUT IT GENERATES SINGULARITIES!

Ante: I bet you don't even know what a singularity is!

Maybe: A point or region of infinite mass density at which space and time are infinitely distorted by gravitational forces and which is held to be the final state of matter falling into a black hole.

Ante: Ok, so you do know.

*Ante, now somewhat perturbed at Maybe, picks up his PSG and swings it around.*

Geb: So... how's it work?

Ante: Well, once the generator has filled this chamber with energy, the firing mechanism forces it through this reverse atomizer, concentrating it all into one singular particle so massive that it becomes a singularity.

Mase: Can I have one?

Ante: Umm... only if you can find me another Hyper-quad-lithium-plutonium ion core. Or a Mr. Fusion... but if you found a Mr. Fusion, I'd just go back in there, get out my flux capacitor, turn this baby into a DeLorian and get us onto a new zany adventure...

Otter: So, assuming that it really does work, how long does it take to generate a second singularity...? And how long does a singularity last?

Ante: Well, it'll either take 15 seconds or 2 hours to reload, it's really hard to tell, seeing as I had to jury rig it with parts from some alien technology with a government label on the crate...

Cooked: There goes any semblance of plot this single player mission had....

Ante: And as for the time the singularity will last for, that all has to do with theoretical quantum phys... HOLY CRAP, A RAT!

*Startled, Ante fires the PSG at a small rat scurrying away from out heroes. The hallway seems to bend and stretch, drawn towards the singularity, and the rat flies into it, stretching its polygons to the max. 5 seconds later the point of infinite mass explodes. The hallway is undamaged, but the rat is now covering its walls. Our heroes have not moved an inch.*

Cooked: God bless FPS physics.

Ante: Amen to that, brother.

Bob: Yeah... but look at the mess I have to clean up now...

*What will happen next? Will the PSG recharge in 15 seconds or 2 hours? Or somewhere in-between? Will the other characters get massive overkill weapons, or simply stare in awe at the pretty purple fluxing plasma in a centimeter thick glass tube? Why didn't I use italics for this? Perhaps these questions will be addressed in our next post!*

[Janitor Bob]

*Meanwhile, in the Domain of the writers*

Sem The Writer: Okay, so our heroes have somehow managed to create yet another Gargantic gun previously thought impossible by modern science!

Bob The Writer: Hi, guys. What are you doing!

Maybe the Writer: Who's this?...

Geb the Writer: *sigh* He's the new guy...

Sem the Writer: Great. Just Great. Now when I abbreviate his name to BTW, instead of Bob the Writer, it'll look like the Internet Acronym: By The Way.

Maybe the Writer: This is all your fault, Geb! You just had to go over and post that Help Wanted, Interactive Story thread on the Discussion forum... and now look what has happened!

Bob The Writer(looking down at his notepad): But I've got some really good Ideas. For example, I've got an excellent way to build Character Development through tough Moral Dilemmas...

Geb the Writer: Character Development...?

Bob The Writer: Yeah! Also, the Character of Krig seems to static...

Maybe The Writer (disgustedly): You are a newbie, aren't you!

Sem The Writer: I don't think we should let him in...

Bob the Writer: Uh... I brought some cookies...

All other writers: He's in!

Maybe: So, let's get the hazing rituals started.

Bob The writer:...Hazing rituals?

Sem: So, should we do the one with the toothpaste and hot fudge or the one with the Tar and Feathers...?

Bob The Writer: Uh-oh...


------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[Semievil333]

(nsp) Cookies!!!!!
Get 'im guys!!!!

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[Randy]

&lt; Our heros stand about the rat covered passage as they wait for the ungodly weapon to recharge...&gt;

Otter: Is it ready??

Ante: For the hundredth time...NO!

Otter: Awwww....

Janitor Bob: Almost done cleaning the hall. Just gotta polish this here door knob and...

Cooked: NOOO!!!

Just then Bob opens the door revealing hordes of kamakazies and bezerkers ready to destroy our heroic heros...

Bob: Opps...

Geb: RUUUUNNN!!!!

Cooked: Quickly, there is a shuttle pad at the end of this unbelieveably long hallway.

Sem: Well then, let's make like a bananna and split.

All look disgustedly at Sem...

Sem: What?

Randy: Just GO!!!

&lt; Our heros begin running for their lives down the unbelieveably long passage with Sem in the lead followed by Maybe, then Otter and Cooked, next Geb, then Ante and his WOMD (Weapon Of Mass Destruction), next Krig, with Randy close behind, and finally Phantom with Janitor Bob quickly closing from behind. Out of the corner of his eye Randy notices a faint glimmer of color shoot by on the wall to his right every few hundred feet. He spies another blotch of color and follows it finding that it is not just some random blotch of color, but an advertisment for toothpaste, followed by one for feminine hygene products, with more ads along the length of the wall...&gt;

Randy(running): Don't the people in marketing EVER give up?

Phantom(running and speaking in a cheesy ad persons voice): Weee do the dirty work soo you don't have tooo...

Randy: Oh shut up!!

Otter: Are we there yet?

Cooked: No.

Otter: Are we there yet?

Cooked: No!

Otter: Are we there yet?

Cooked: NO!!!

Otter: Are we...

Cooked SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!

Otter: Jeez, your such a grouch.

Ante: Should I fry him with my WOMD?

Sem: Ohhh... PvP. http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

Geb: WOMD... hehehe sound like WOMB. http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Ante(pointing at the hordes of baddies): Maybe I should "birth" some "labor" pain on those "children". http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Geb: All we should do now is "push, push, push", hehehe. http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Sem: "Frocep-tive" aren't we. http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

Maybe: Will you three grow up already!!

Sem, Geb, and Ante: Yes Mommy. http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Maybe: Grrr....

Janitor Bob(yelling to the front of the line): If your giving birth up there, I've had training for just such eventualities...

Otter: Are we there yet?

&lt; Will our heroes reach the end of the UNBELIEVEABLY long hall? Will baddies continue chase or will they be distracted by the ads lining the drab halls of the Forbidden Fortress of Forbiddeness (tm)? When will the puns STOP!?!? AAAAHHHHH MAKE THEN STOP!!!! AHHHHAHAHAHAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!...erhm...These and more in the never-ending continuation of the never-ending story post of never-endingness-ness-ness (tm)&gt;

[Gebohq]

In the writer's realm...

Geb the writer: *as he's readying the tar to pout on Bob the writer* This won't hurt...oh man! That was a good one!

Sem the writer: How many feathers you think we'll need?

Geb the writer: *looks over at Sem holding a bag of feathers* Mmmmm...that should be good. What do you think, Bob?

Bob the writer: *completely covered in duct tape, save the eyes* Mmmm-hmmm hmmph-mmm!

Geb the writer: That's a good idea. I'll call in some god-aweful ugly strippers to dance in front of you.

Bob the writer: MMM-HMMMPH!

Maybe the writer: You know guys, this whole scene looks very bad for the two of you.

Sem the writer: *now holding a whip*What do you mean?

Maybechild the writer then takes a picture of all three of them.

Maybe the writer: Ohhh, just that if I posted this picture I just took on the Internet with the title "Avalilable for your pleasure needs--

Geb the writer: Eeeeee. Good point. We better stop before this looks worse. And why are you back here with us anyways? I thought you and Losien and the others were in the bathroom.

Maybe the writer: We were. And now I'm finished. You have a problem with that? *pointing to the picture*

Geb the writer: Not at all....but uh...where's the others? I know Masetto and theOtter went to stop the PPV pirates, but they're not the only ones.

Maybe the writer: Good question...
----------------------------------
At the fancy restaurant...

Randy the writer: Man, this whole night sucks.

Ante the writer: It does? How come I didn't know it? I thought this was just a fancy restaurant.

Randy the writer: *sigh* I meant it's been bad. It's not even like the entertainment is that good...

Krig the writer is seen now on top of the center table with a microphone.

Krig the writer: *In Barry White tone* This is to all the ladies in the crowd...

Randy the writer: And then the other guys just bolt off! What are we to do?

Just then, the waiter that had been serving them for the night walks up to Randy the writer.

waiter: *placing a bill in front of Randy* Hope your night was satisfactory.

Randy the writer: *looks at the bill* A thousand dollars?!?! Ante, I can't pay this kind of--Ante?

Randy the writer looked around to only find himself at the table. Randy then grabs the waiter by the collar.

Randy the writer: You're coming with me!

waiter: Why?

Randy the writer: Because you're the closest person I can take out my aggression on.

waiter: Why does this feel familiar?...
----------------------------------
*At the PPV offices, Masetto and theOtter knock on the large doors to Ares' office.*

Mase the writer: Hehe, we're handling "knockers".

Otter the writer: Um, yeah. Let me do the talking.

The large castle-like doors open to the immense office room. The vast amounts of unused shiny black floorspace spread from wall to wall (go figure). A sea of dark oak that was the desk was occupying the far end of the room. Covering one of the huge walls were many TV's that, at the moment, monitored the action the heroes of the Neverending Story were faced with.

And in an executive-style reclining chair, Ares, the god of war and owner of the rights to the Neverending Story Thread and the Arena tm, sat, smiling at the two writers.

Ares: Was there something you wanted?

Mase the writer: Yeah, actually, I wanted to know. Are you really a god?

Ares: Uh...yeah?

Mase the writer: What's it like?

Ares: Well for one thing, I can drive anything I want http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Mase the writer: *to Otter* Hehe, he said "drive"...

Ares: WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Mase the writer: Um...are those live? *pointing at the TV's*

Ares: Yes, they are. Most PPV events are, you know.

Otter the writer: Which is why we're here...your Omnipotance-ness. Well, we think they're might me some pirates within the PPV station, and uh...

Ares: Yes?

Otter the writer: Uhh...actually, I hadn't really thgouht about what I was going to ask. Sorry to bother you then, we'll be off--

Ares: Not so fast!

As the writers try to bolt out of the office, the huge doors come crshing to a close.

Ares: Mwahahahahahaha....

Mase the writer: Now we're screwed...
------------------------------
Meanwhile, in the Forbidden Fortress of Forbideness...

Ante: Damn this hallway is long.

Geb: An annoying. These ads are almost as bad as those pop-up ads on the Internet.

Maybe: Look! I can see the end!

Otter: No! Don't go towards the light! Oh wait, we're not dead--

Cooked: Yet.

Just then, teh floor gave way and our heroes begin to plummet down into teh inky blackness.

Sem: You just had to say it, didn't you Cooked?

Randy: It's OK, man. We'll either restart or find ourselves unharmed in a different place.

Masetto: Uh...why can I see the architechture of where we jsut were above us like it's floating in a dark sky?

Krig: Uh-oh...

Janitor Bob: Look at me! I'm doing flips!

Losien: It's all my fault.

Janitor Bob: That I'm doing flips?

Geb: *sigh*
----------------------------------
Geb the writer: Uh...Sem? I think we screwed up in the editing again.

Sem the writer: Hush you...

Will our heroes fall forever into the unprogrammed void? What will happen to the writers in the clutches of Ares? Can the writers back at the Massassi offices save our heroes? Where is Randy the writer going with the waiter? And what will happen to the writers still missing, such as Antestarr and Losien? Will Krig the writer find a new job as singer/dancer of the restaurant? Damn, that's a lot of questions. Find out, where you'll get more questions than the X-Files, here at the Neeeeever-eeeeeending Stoooory! Hehe, I like the echo effect...

~Geb

[Janitor Bob]

*The good guy hero people continue to plummet down the Neverending Pit of Forbidiness. Fortunately for them, this FPS doesn't include Gravity Acceleration.*

Everybody (With very poor acting): AHHHHHHHHHHH...

*Without warning the Neverending Pit ends, on a kind of Mysterious intangible reflective surface. All the Heroes are trapped Kneedeep in it, unable to move their legs.*

Janitor Bob: Woah. This is kind of cool. When, I wave my pushbroom like this... it makes a long trail of pushbroom images on the surface. And that trail doesn't ever go away.

Geb: Your right. It's almost like when your in a Hall of Mirr...

*Suddenly the entirety of the heroes, except for Bob of course realize their situation*

Randy: HOMing!! Were stuck in every editor's and reviewers nightmare... HOMing.

Maybe: Trapped! Kneedeep in the swirling relective murky slough of Poorly Adjoined Surfaces... FOREVER... ever... ever

Bob: Is that bad?

------
*Quickly Sem opens up his free copy of JED version 95. (Available at www.code-alliance.com (http://www.code-alliance.com) everywere)*

Geb: USE THE CONSISTENCY CHECKER, SEM!!!

*In order to make this scene more epic, opera-like music is piped into to the Writers office*

Music: Coda! Heeta! Hoota! Mighta!

Geb: Quick... Hit the F-10 key!

Sem: I... can't... quite... reach... it...

Geb: (with poor acting): You have to! It's our only hope.

Music: CODA! MAFANTA!

*With a heave, stretch, and a grunt, Sem throws his arm towards the keyboard, barely hitting the F10 key. He collapses with the monumental effort. A white dialogue box labeled Consistency Checker appears*

Geb: What the heck is an Invalid Reverse Adjoin?!

Music: Ravioli! Mussolini! Chicken Tetrizini!

*Will Sem ever be able to succeed in successfully correcting his sloppy editing job? Or will he have to go to the Massassi Editing Forum for Help. Will Bob the Writer ever be able to get all the hazing related ducttape, toothpaste, super glue, and peanut butter out of hair? The only way to find out is to tune in Next time on Coca-Cola's
NeverEndingStory*


------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)


[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited June 06, 2001).]

[Krig the Viking]

(The Viking Returns...)

(ooc: yes! Fresh blood! And what tasty blood it is, too! Janitor Bob has begun a new era in the legacy of the NES!)

Geb the Writer and Sem the Writer hunch over the computer, feverishly working to save our heroes.

Sem the Writer:"Maybe if I delete this vertice..."

Computer:"Warning! Hard-drive meltdown in 5... 4..."

Sem the Writer:"Ooookay, maybe I'll just put that back..."

Geb the Writer:"Hurry! We haven't much time!"

Sem the Writer:"Well maybe you'd like to help a little if you're so concerned?!"

Geb the Writer:"I am helping! I'm providing moral support!"

Sem the Writer:"Oh, ok."

A few minutes of feverish typing on the keyboard pass...

Geb the Writer:"How is it that you're not using the mouse to edit?"

Sem the Writer:"You know I... I have no idea!"

------------------------
Meanwhile, in the world of our Heroes, our Heroes are stuck in a poorly adjoined surface...

Geb:"Curse this poorly adjoined surface! How will we ever escape this poorly adjoined surface?"

Krig:"Krig not see now..."

Everybody looks at Krig. Only the horns of his helmet are visible above the poorly adjoined surface.

Ante:"Hey, look, only the horns of Krig's helmet are above the poorly adjoined surface!"

Otter:"Egad!"

Suddenly, the poorly adjoined surface gives way, and our Heroes plumet further. After falling for several minutes, they crash into a dark, dungeon like floor.

Maybe:"Oh no! We've fallen into the dungeon area of the Forbidden Fortress of Forbiddenness™! Thanks a lot, Writers!"

JanitorBob (whipping out two spray bottles from holsters on his legs):"Oh dear, this place is very dirty..."
--------------------------
The world of the Writers...

Geb the Writer:"Now look what you've done!"

Sem the Writer:"How was I supposed to know that spilling Coke on the computer would cause the characters to fall into the dungeon?"

Just then the door of the office slams, and Krig the Writer strolls in, several women on each arm.

Geb the Writer:"What??? How...?"

Krig the Writer:"Krig the Writer sing good."

Geb the Writer:"What could posses a woman to go for an ugly, four foot tall hairy guy and not me? What am I missing?"

Krig the Writer takes Geb the Writer off to the side, leaving Sem the Writer to work to save the Heroes unsupervised. Krig the Writer looks around, then brings a small bottle out from a pocket.

Krig the Writer:"Krig the Writer have very good cologne. http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif "
--------------------------
Same world of the Writers, only different scene....

Ares:"....hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa....."

Mase the Writer:"Or we will be screwed once he stops laughing..."

Ares:"You fools! I am not Ares at all, but am in fact..."

At this point, the Ares-like figure hesitates, reaches under his chin, and pulls off a rubber mask, revealing a swarthy, unshaven face with a patch over one eye and several gold teeth.

AresImposter:"...Evil Pirate #1! Yes, you have fallen prey to our trap! I am the leader of the Pirates who are causing so much mayhem in the PPV system!"

Mase the Writer:"No, wait, lemme guess! You're the leader of the pirates who've been causing so much mayhem in the PPV system, right?"

There is silence for a moment.

Evil Pirate #1:"You were deprived of oxygen to the brain as a child, yes?"
----------------------
Meanwhile, where Lt. Randy the Writer is running down a street, dragging the mysterious Waiter...

Randy the Writer:"Huff... just a few more... pant... blocks..."

Waiter:"Oh, good."
----------------------
Meanwhile, wherever Ante the Writer and Losien the Writer are...

Losien the Writer:"Hm, I wonder where we are..."

Whatever will happen to our semi-courageous, mostly-daring Heroes? And will our Writers survive their present predicament? Please sit in front of your computer, frantically clicking 'refresh' until the next installment of NES is posted...

------------------
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he wasn't real.

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited June 06, 2001).]

[Janitor Bob]

(NSP: Sorry that I've been posting almost every other reply)

*The heroes cautiously look around the very Quake-like Forbidden Dungeon of the Forbidden Fortress of Forbiddenness™*
The stone walls are cracked with wet moss, and dripping with unappealing toxic ooze. A disfigured womp rat scurries around and starts knawing on Randy's heel. Randy kicks it away. It bounces off a smiling rotting skeleton that looks a lot like Manny Calvera.
The walls are covered with Pentagrams, but they are upside down, due to a construction error. Crudely scrawled upon the wall, in dried blood, are the words: "McDonalds: We love to see you smile.*
Geb: Bah! We can't even get away from all the advertising here...

*The entire place smells like Krig when he gets wet. The crack of whips and the scream of the tortured ring out amidst the steady hiss of disinfectant...*

Sem: It's pointless, Bob. Just give it up.

*Bob continues cleaning*

Bob: NEVER! True Evil can only be defeated once it is fully cleansed from the face of the planet.

*Suddenly, as if on cue with the words 'True Evil', the Official Forbidden Intercom System of the Forbidden Dungeon of the Forbidden Fortress of Forbiddenness™ activates and a screeching crackling, but baratone voice comes through the Intercom.*

Intercom: So... I see my little Jalapenos have found my Dungeon Area...

Bob (Whispering to Geb): I hate to give away potential suprising plot devices, but I think this guy's evil...

Intercom: BWAHAHAHAHA! Evil is such a feeble adjective... I am the very embodiment of 'evil'. I am 'evil' Incarnate. I am 99\ and 44/100 Percent PURE 'evil'! I am 'evil' put through a food processor and reformed into myself!

Maybe: You don't mean...

Intercom: YES! I... am... the... SPOOOOOOOOOKY TAAAAAAACO!

Krig: Mmmmmm. Taco.

Sem (From the Fetal Position): NOOOOOOOOO!

Spooky Taco: BWAHAHAHA! With every second that elapses in that feeble element that you call time, my thread gains infinently more posts than your pathetic, poor excuse for a thread.

Geb (shaking): You can't win, Mr. Taco. In the end, the thread with constuctive humor, plot, an unshakable moral message, and lovable heroes always wins!

Spooky Taco: BWAHAHA. Plot. That's like the Jalepeno calling the Hot sauce spicy. Besides. You feeble characters have no hope.

Sem: You use the word 'feeble' much too much.

Spooky Taco: Your feeble insults will not shake me. No one can save you... not even... Enchilada Man...

*A stone wall slides up and reveals Enchilada Man upside down, and in chains.)

Enchilada Man: Hi guys.

Maybe: NO! Not enchilada man. *She turns to the speaker* Why you rotting putrid little wad of stale fermentation! You are destroying your own taco kind! I didn't think even you'd stoop that low.

Spooky Taco: No low is so low that I cannot stoop to it. Hmm. Enough with the talk. I guess nows the appropriate time to release my diabolical demonic horde on you.

*The intercom system shuts off. A metal grill opens and up floats... a hideous glowing red demon. His claws look like they belong on the end of the forklift. He is slowly drooling a pussy substance out of his mouth.*

*Bob looks up from his cleaning, spins around, gets to his knee, and blasts the Demonic Guy with some disinfectant. The demon melts to the floor with a hideous scream and dissapears forever.*

Bob: http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

----------------
(In the Writers world)
*Meanwhile, Randy and the waiter are slowly trudging through the backalleys of Silicon Valley.*

Randy: I... could have... sworn... that this was the place.

Waiter: What seems to be the problem, sir?

Randy: I'm TRYING to find a good mugging spot.

Waiter: Oh. Well, which one is it?

Randy: The one by 5th and Elm.

Waiter (with a sneer on his lips): Oh... that one. That's were all the... uncultured muggers go to rob their victims.

Randy: Well, Mr. It'll be my pleasure to serve you, can you think of a better one!

Waiter: All the High Class people choose one of 5 Exquisite places. Of course, each would depend on your taste and preference, but I would go with tonights special, the Alley outside the intersection of 1337 and HAx0r street.

Randy (Forgetting that that is the alley next to the Massassi Forums Building): Okay. Can you take me there.

*The waiter starts to drag Randy off*

Waiter: No Problem.
-------
*Where Evil Pirate #1 has cornered Mase the Writer*

Mase the Writer: Now that you've cornered me, now it's time to explain everything to me and the audience, since you're going to kill me anyways. But then I escape and know all your evil plans.

Evil Pirate #1: Well, I wasn't going to kill you, but since you seem to be expecting it, I might as well.

Mase the Writer (After hitting his head with his hand in regret): But you're going to tell me all your secrets right...

Evil Pirate #1: No. I don't really feel like explaining anything today. All those details you have to remember, and the long speech makes my throat go dry. So... too bad. So Sad.

Mase The Writer: Ah, but you've already revealed your true identity, so you might as well tell me everything.

Evil Pirate #1: But that's where your wrong... because...

*The pirate grabs at the edge of his face and starts pulling off the mask that he got off the set of Mission Impossible.*

Evil Pirate # 1: ... I'm actually...

*The mask comes completely off, revealing a very similar face, (it's still very ugly) but it's all hot from being under two layers of sculpted rubber all day.*

Evil Pirate #1: Evil Pirate #2!!!

Mase the Writer (rolling his eyes): Wow. Will the plot twists never cease?!

*Will the heroes ever defeat the immense demonic Hordes of the Spooky Taco? Will Randy ever find an appropriate place to beat up the waiter and take his Money, Wallet, and Country Club Card? Is Evil Pirate #2 actually who he says he is? Or is he really Rosie O'Donnell in disguise? Will we ever find out where Losien the Writer is? Will the writers ever stop ending their closing sentences with Question Marks? There is only one to find out. But, I'm not going to tell you how.


------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited June 08, 2001).]

[Semievil333]

I just wanna say, on behalf of all the writers who are too lazy to post, WTG Bob!

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Yes, go Bob! Keep on writing so that I, the leader, can take the credit--er--I mean, because uh....look over there! *runs away* And the NeS continues...)

In the realm of our heroes, deep within the Forbidden Dungeon of the Forbidden Fortress of Forbiddeness...

Geb: How will we ever defeat such a fiend like the Spooky Taco?

Sem: Use the power of the writers! For they are a powerful ally...
-------------------------------------
Geb the writer: Hey Sem, why don't we just edit out this "spooky taco" boss?

Sem the writer: Now what fun would that be? Besides, I can't.

Geb the writer: What do you mean "you can't"?

Sem the writer: Well, for one, I didn't put in the "spooky taco" boss. And from my valient efforts at editing, it seems that the computer detects it as a virus.

Geb the writer: What a dasterdly thing to do! Why would anyone ever want to do that?

Sem the writer: You like asking broad and obvious questions, don't you?

Geb the writer: ....and?

Sem the writer: *sigh*
-----------------------------------------
After several moments of our hereos standing, seeming to wait for some divine providence to befall on them, the group falls into despair.

Sem: Hmmm...the great writers seem not to be answering our pleas.

Losien: It's all my fault.

Geb: Stop saying that, sis. And your 'realistic' views that we're all going to die as well *throws arms up in the air as if it's a crazy thought* C'mon guys, let's go after the source of this evil.

Our hereos leave the particular dungeon area, leaving Enchilada man by himself now, still upside down.

Enchilada man: Uhhh...isn't anyone going to help me down? I can feel the blood flowing to my head...
--------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, Antestarr and Losien the writers seem to be lost in the blackness of the unknown.

Losien the writer: Where are we?

Antestarr the writer: Drunk and in a closet perhaps?

Losien the writer: Somehow I don't think so.

Antestarr the writer: Yeah, I was just hoping to give you some ideas.

Silence falls, follwed by a loud thud sound

Los the writer: Ante? Are you OK?

Ante the writer: Yeah...though I was really hoping for some "cushioning"...

Los the writer: I'm debating whether I want to be able to see anything but darkness right now...

I think I'll do this Jeopardy style. The answer is "I don't have a clue". Stay tune for more, Same NeS time, same NeS place. Come on guys, it ain't that hard to think of the "right" question...

~Geb

[Janitor Bob]

*In the Writers Office Building, Bob the Writer tiredly trudges into the room where Sem and Geb the Writers are editing. His skin is all red from having to take 7 consecutive showers in row, and using 3 entire bars of Dove™ soap, to get cleaned up from the hazing*

Geb the Writer: You missed a spot.

*Bob wipes some honey out of his hair*

Bob the Writer: Thanks. *Bob looks over Sem's shoulder* Oh, you're editing! Making yet another Female Player Model?

Sem the Writer: No, Bob, we're trying to hack into the hardwired mainframe of this Game to delete a heart-stoppingly evil, and seemingly invulnerable enemy to save our namesakes, not to mention the entire competive future of this thread.

Bob the Writer: Hmm. I thought it would be something exciting, like a Canyon Oasis Mod. I was thinking of taking the original Canyon Oasis level, but changing all the colormaps, so everything would be pink. Wouldn't that be cool!

Sem the Writer: *sarcastically*: Yeah... that would be so totally cool...

Geb the writer: You edit, Bob?

Bob the Writer: On occasion. For example, just recently I created a new enemy. I upped the AI, and gave it as many hit points as Max the Rabbit has. I also made his weapons extremely powerful... and this is the best part... I gave it Al McDonald's Taco Skin! I ended up putting it in on some level named, FFOF.Jed...

*All the writers look at Bob in horror*

Sem the Writer: Oh, well, at least he brought us those cookies.

*Sem opens up Bob's plastic ZipLock of Cookies. He takes out one with a Smiley Face drawn on it with yellow frosting. He ravenously devours it.*

Sem the Writer: MMMGH. Not bad. A little *COUGH* dry *HACK* *CHOKE*, though.

*Sem's face turns green, and he grabs at his throat, then keels over, hits the keyboard, and falls to the ground, gagging*

Geb the writer: Ah... he got cookie crumbs all over the keyboard.

Bob the Writer*looking at the writhing Sem*: Whoops, I knew I shouldn't have used Windex™ as a replacement for sugar...

Maybe the Writer: You put WINDEX in those cookies??

Bob the Writer: Well... yeah. I was going to use floor cleaner, but Windex has more essential nutrients.

Geb the Writer: Oh, great. He was our editor. Does anyone else know how to edit levels?

Bob the Writer (modestly): Wellllll, you know that one level, Imperial Seige on Derra IV?

All the other writers, except for Sem, who is retching and squirming on the floor: Yes???

Bob the Writer: I played it.

Geb the writer: Oh. That's nice.

Bob the writer: Never could beat it though...

Geb the Writer (looking at Sem): Maybe someone should give him CPR...

Maybe the Writer *looking Sem over*: Um... well... I'll go call the poison control Center, okay.

*Maybe walks to the other room, where the phone is. She quickly dials the number for the Poison Control Center, which she of course, has memorized, like the rest of the Phone Book. A female voice immeadiately comes on the line. Maybe can tell, from the sound of her voice, that her name just must be Martha.*

Martha: Hello, Poison Control Center-

Maybe the Writer: Hello, this is MaybeChild and we've got a serious-

*Suddenly Maybe notices that Martha isn't listening to her and instead continues to talk*

Martha:-please listen for the following options. If you want to find more information on the Poison Control Center please press 1. If you want to get dossiers on the Poison Control Center's employees please press 2. If your victim has overdosed on Prozac or Flinstones Vitamins please press 3. If instead the victim has been eating poisonous mushrooms or lickiing toads please press 4...
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*Meanwhile, in the bowels of the Forbidden Fortress of Forbiddeness, the Spooky Taco sits on a bed... er... a chair of lettuce. He laughs maniacally*

Spooky Taco (maniacally): BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*The door to the Taco's lair swings open and General Gordita sprints in*

General Gordita: *puff* *pant* Herr Taco, the enemy seems to be even stronger than we had previously considered. They have exited the main dungeon area.

Spooky Taco: You have failed me, General. How could they defeat all of our Hordes of Hell-spawned Demons?

*A pudgy food with glasses, tapping away at a computer answers.*

Burrito Boy: Well... sir, technically our 'Horde' consisted of merely one demon, his name Melvin.

Spooky Taco: You have failed me, Burrito Boy. What ever happened to our Demon Acquisition Project?

Burrito Boy: Well... the D.A.P was canceled due to budget concerns. Demons these days cost a lot more than they used to. Market theorists say it's because of the Demon Monopoly owned by the DOOM franchise. Besides, Demons are really hard to work with, they are so temperamental, and they always want to be payed in souls, not in Cash or Check.

Spooky Taco: If only I'd made it into that Taco commercial instead of that stupid Dog, then I could afford more competent help than what is available at my disposal right now.

Burrito Boy: You could also afford more Demons...

General Gordita: Well, Herr Taco, that's our situation. We desperately need suggestions from your intelligent greatness.

Spooky Taco: Well, our Vegetable Corps is still functioning, am I correct?

General Gordita: Correct.

Spooky Taco: Well then. *The camera zooms in on the Taco's crazed face* Send in... the Asparagus Troopers!

---------
*In the Office of the Writers, Maybe keeps listening to the Martha the Recorded Poison Control Receptionist.*

Martha: -If you want to speak to a person that can speak back, please press 37.

*Maybe gives a sigh of a relief and quickly punches in that number*

Martha: Please wait...

*Maybe is put on hold, with nothing else to do but listen to the Barry Manilow music and wait*
----------
*Meanwhile, in the dark unknown, Ante and Losien the writers hypothesize on their current situation.*

Ante: Hmm... It seems to be dark.

Losien the writer: I know. Maybe were trapped Maybe we'll never escape. Maybe we're stuck in a dark deep hole with know food to eat and will slowly and painfully starve to death. Maybe the very essence of Space-Time has unraveled and....

Ante the Writer: Maybe the lights just need to be turned on...

Losien the Writer: But why were the lights ever turned off in the first place?

Ante the Writer: I'm not sure. Although Silicon Valley is in California...

*Ante feels around for the lightswitch*

Ante the Writer: Here. I think I've found it...

*FLUSH*

Ante the Writer: No, that's not it...

*Without warning, a door swings open, casting a little bit of light into the room. A gangly silhouette reaches into the room, and clicks on the light switch.*

*The room is bathed in a soft light. The writers are in a bathroom, but it is nothing like the bathroom they left. The sinks are silver and the toilets are gold. The floor has a sparkle that would make even Janitor Bob envious. Everything is automatic, the urinals, the sinks, the toilets, even the toilet paper dispensers. Ante and Losien the Writers stare intently at the incomer. He is clad in a buisness suit, and has a pocket protector made of 24-karat gold. He is a Geek, yes, but a Geek with Power. He is ominous, foreboding, and sinister. Of course, he would look a lot more ominous foreboding and sinister if he wasn't doing the 'I have to go to the Bathroom' dance.*

Gates: Why! Why won't the stupid U.S. Government sell out! Why!

*Gates dances over and goes into a stall, that incidentally has no toilet paper*

Ante the writer: Hmm... It seems like we somehow arrived at the Microsoft building, most likely through one of those mysterious teleporting wormhole, that seem to abound in this thread.

Losien the Writer: This is my fault. I shouldn't have given you that 'swirly'

*A flushing sound is heard from Gates' stall* The door opens.

Gates: Hundred Dollar bills just quite aren't quite the same as good old toilet paper...

(NSP: Don't you just hate bathroom humor...)

Ante the writer (Casually): Oh, hey, Mr. Gates.

Gates: Oh... you're those Massassian Writers aren't you.

Losien: Sorta. I don't write much anymore.

Gates: Well, you won't have to worry the about your UGO friends anymore.

Ante (suspiciously): Why not.

Gates: Microsoft just recently bought out UGO. It's now under our control. We saw what they were doing and knew we must stop it.

Losien: Oh. Well, that was nice of you.

Gates (Chuckling): Heh heh. Yes... Well, see you at the Zone. Ta Ta!

*Gates leaves the Microsoft Bathroom, muttering about the purchase of Australia.*

Ante: Losien, this guy's motives aren't exactly pure. He wants to have complete Domination of the entire planet. And maybe the solar system, if he feels like it.

Losien the Writer: Not only that, but he forgot to wash his hands!

Ante: Exactly. We must do something to stop this corporation and save the entire world...

*Losien and Ante, thinking the same thing, look at eachother and smile. They quickly start plugging up the sinks with paper towels...*
-----------
*In the Massassi Office Building*
Geb the Writer: Maybe, has anything Changed?

Maybe the Writer: Well, now they're playing Backstreet Boys music instead of Barry Manilow...

*Geb shudders*

*Suddenly, the door is knocked down, and two Medical Personnel run in.

Paramedic #1: CPS! Where's the victim.

Bob the Writer: Don't you mean EMS?

Paramedic # 2: Whatever.

*The Paramedics run through the building, find the writhing and screaming Sem. Immeadiately, they load him on a stretcher, ducttape him to it, and run out*

Geb the Writer: I'm glad he finally found medical help. If only Bob could find mental...

Bob the writer (looking out of window): Hey! That's weird. They changed the Red Cross on the Ambulance to an Upraised Grey Fist.

Geb the Writer: Does that fist just happen to have the word 'UGO' below it?

Bob the Writer: Don't be silly.

Geb: Good.

Bob the Writer: Just the words UnderGround Online...

Music: Bum! Bu Dum Bum!

*"The Question to Geb's Answer is: What happens next?" "Congratulations, Bob, you've won a GAZILLION dollars! What are you going to do now!" "Well, I'm going to tune into the next episode of... The NeverEnding Story!"

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May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)


[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited June 09, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited June 09, 2001).]

[Semievil333]

(nsp: Sorry to do this, but the power of duct-tape must reign supreme in the hands of a true duct-tape master.... back to the story)

STW, now finding himself almost completely wrapped in duct-tape is miraculously healed and stops spazaming. He was bound securely, and in the back of a dark ambulance with an insane number of guards that would never fit into a vehicle that size if it weren't for the plot holes, which gave the ambulance approxamately two cubic miles of internal space. The UGO kidnappers had, however made one fatal mistake- they over-used the duct-tape. The excess adhesive and weather-resistand backing seeped into STW's body, and utilizing his duct-tape mastery, STW became more powerful than anyone can possibly imagine, until the next post. Moreover, such a flagrant waste of duct-tape made him anngry.

Before the dastardly UGAmbulance had even been put into gear, STW had broken free, and kicked out a side panel, so the side now read: "UnderGr ine". The thumb was also gone.

Seething with rage, STW bit into the side of the UGAmbulance as it tried to pull off, and ripped off the "nderGr" panel. As the UGAmbulance sped down the street, STW, aided by a conviniently placed roll of duct-tape, began to outrun it, ripping off panels, pulling guards out of the back, and throwing both into oncomming traffic. The UGAmbulance driver, fear now writ upon his face, could think of nothing else but to head straight for his leader, Ominous man #x, and hope the UGAmbulance held up.

GTW, calling from the window: "Sem! We need you to come back and help edit the level! Sem! Come back!"

JBTW: "Let him go man, he's gone...."

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[Antestarr]

*Ante and Losien, now several blocks down the hall from the bathroom they started to flood in the Microsoft secret bunker headquarters, come across a doorway marked R&D.*

Ante: What's in here?

Los: I don't know, but if it's bad it's not my fault this time.

Ante: Well, maybe we can find some of MS's new technology to aid in our struggle for survival!

*What our heroes didn't know was that R&D in MSSBHQ stands for "Rituals and Demonicsacrifice" not "Research and Development"...*

*An image was sprawled out across the wall: a large pentagram with electronic candles at each point. In the center, on a pedestal, was a prototype X-Box.*

Los: Oooo... what's this button marked "power" do.

*Pressing it, the wall rotates sideways, revealing a torture chamber. Not for people, but electronics. Ante spies a GameCube in disrepair all around the room. Examining the parts, he finds a chip marked "Flipper", with the brand "ArtX" below the name. This chip is attached to 2 enormous electrodes.*

Los: Now... what's this button do...?

Ante: Stop... NOOOO!

*But his screams were too late, Losien pressed the button starting the electrodes, and running 3.2 billion volts of current through the poor defenseless chip.*

Ante: ArtX! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Los: Now THIS is all my fault...

*What will happen to Ante and Los next? Will these evil rituals keep the GameCube from selling while at the same time increase the sales of X-Box? Will the bathroom continue to flood until all of MSSBHQ is submerged? Was this post just an excuse to plug the GC while at the same time renounce the X-Box and use a NeverEndingStory pun? Tune in next time for your chance to win a day's worth of Microsoft earnings... er, no, wait. Tune in next time to possibly find out the answers to these questions!!*

[Janitor Bob]

*Phil the UGO driver was having a bad day. First he had waken up late. Then his toast had gotten burnt. Then his wife got into an arguement with him about lawn furniture. Then he couldn't get his car to start and had to get to work on one of those insanely small portable scooters. Then he found out that the UGO employees wouldn't be getting their Christmas Bonus this year because they didn't kill their quota of Massassians. Then he found out that his Peanut Butter and Grape Jelly sandwich had gotten squished in his sack lunch. Then UGO had gotten bought out by Microsoft. Then the head of UGO and Microsoft had decided to declare Nuclear War on Japan. Then coming back from what should have been a normal regular clean-cut job, he was driving half an Ambulance at an illegal speed, because he was being chased by somebody that looked like he should be in the movie, "The Mummy" except for the fact that the creature is covered in ducttape instead of white cloth.*

Phil (schitzophrenically): Well, Phil, if you'd wanted a 'safe' job, then you should have taken up stamp collecting.

*The UGO ambulances makes a hairpin turn around a corner, still being chased by the Ducttape Mummy (Sem), and the muffler falls off*

Phil: Even then, the stamps can give you paper cuts...
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*Randy the Writer is tiredly trudging behind the Waiter.*

Randy: *Gasp* How much further. Can't we stop and rest... I'm tired... I'm thirsty... and... and... *crying* I wanted to go to the Tousche Station and pick up some power converters.

Waiter (Doing jumping Jacks): Quit Whining. We've only got about a mile to go, Chap. Although I guess it is all uphill...

Randy the Writer: I'm going to go to the Bathroom, in that StarBucks across, the street, K? You don't have to wait for me.

Waiter: No problem. But just make sure that you look both ways...

Randy the Writer: Yeah, yeah, I know.
--------
*As the Ambulance peels around the corner, Sem comes to stop. His pores have sweated all the ducttape resin, and he is now back to normal, although still Infuriated about the waste of Ducttape*
----------
*Randy the Writer steps out into the street and... WACK!... is hit by the UGO ambulance with a fleshlike THWAP. Not wanting to stop and get attacked by the Ducttape Mummy, Phil continues driving, Randy on his hood*

Sem: We've got to stop that Ambulance!

Waiter: You're right, there, old chap.

Sem: What? You're against UGO too?

Waiter: Of course not. But that person they just hit still owes me a tip!

*The waiter snaps his fingers. A stretch limo the length of a ChickenBone Field drives up and opens it doors. The limo has it's own Jacuzzi, Swimming Pool, Helicoptor landing pad, Casino, and Indoor Track. Sem and the Waiter step in.*

Sem: Gosh, I guess working at that
restaurant sure has some fringe benefits!

Waiter: Yes, but the life insurance policy is lousy.

Chauffeur: Where to?

Waiter: I need you to follow that grey UGO van, good man, and make it fast.

Chauffer: Does this van have any distinguishing marks?

Sem: Yes, it has several holes out punched out of the left side.

Waiter: You seriously need to deal with your Anger Management Problem.

Sem (turning to the Waiter): This is a nice car, but are you sure that we'll be able to catch them?

Waiter: I believe you'll find this to be the ideal pursuit vehicle. At least as long as we don't have to turn any corners.
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*Randy the Writer blinks open his eyes, and groans, finding himself on the windshield of the UGO ambulance. (Of course he's not dead, important people in this story can only die if it's an Ultimate Act of Self-Sacrifice, that saves the Entire World.)*

*Phil, his vision obscured by Randy, imeadiatelly turns on his Siren. He knows, instinctively, from Drivers Ed when he was sixteen, that it is dangerous to drive with a person on your front windshield. Quickly, he puts on his Windshield wipers.*

*Fortunately for the good guys, this sort of thing was covered in detail in Randy the Writer's military training. He grabs onto the Windshield wipers to prevent himself from being knocked off*

*Phil up the speed on the windshield wipers*

*Randy hangs onto the fluttering wipers, like a Cowboy on an angry bull. With an air of menace Phil continues to turn up the speed.*

*Finally, the wipers can take it no longer, and snap off, only a desperate grab onto the Mothers Against Drunk Driving ribbon on the antennae saves Randy from being dashed upon the sidewalk below. Randy squeezes on tightly, knowing that this thread will end in a cliffhanger*

*[Insert dramatic, yet gut splittingly, humorous, teaser here]*

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May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited June 10, 2001).]

[Connection Problem]

^bump!^

[Gebohq]

(NSP: Sheesh Bob, you keep this up and, well... you might catch up with how much I've posted on NeS word-wise http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif Don't wear yourself out, hehe. And does anyone else think NeS would be a really cool JK level/mod? Er...yeah, and I'll post for the story again. Soon, yes, sooon....)