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Antestarr

05-02-2002, 12:40 AM

*Antestarr worms his way around a crowded city street in Vienna, Austria.*

Ante: Hmm... what a lousy time to get the ticket with the typo on it... all my friends are thousands of miles away from here and I'm stuck in a country where I don't know a word of the language. *Tapping a passerby on the shoulder* Excuse me, sir, could you help me out a bit?

Random Passerby: Sorry, I don't speak English. Might I suggest that you find the American or British embassy?

Ante: Good idea. Thank you, sir... *As the passerby gets out of view a realization descends upon Ante* HEY! I must have gained the ability to speak in tongues!

*Antestarr continues down the street, revelling in his newfound ability and completely oblivious to the fact that the random passerby was lying to him. As he walks, he keeps an eye out for any American flags that would denote an embassy. However, finding none, he decides to step into a nearby church as there appear to be some people there having a discussion in English. However, the events that happen therein are to be detailed in a future installment. Stay tuned, to see how this plot unfolds...*

(NSP: OK, crappy ending. I'm tired, and I've been meaning to experiment for a while. We'll see what happens. Enjoy the entire 2 jokes while you can.)

TX3_Gandalf

05-04-2002, 06:53 PM

NSP: Woohoo! I've read the whole NeS(on Massassi) and still have enough *ahchoo*in*cough*sanity to write. Anywho.
--------------------
The Hero's Realm
Sitting at the Swiftly Running Wet Watter of Australia(tm) was a guy. Not just any guy, but TX3_Gandalf The Hero. Shoulder length white hair, aged face, flowing wizard's clothes, hippy glasses,
RAM: Hippy Glasses?
Rest of Crowd: SHUT-UP!!
and a staff with multiple rolls of Duct Tape affixed to it.

GandTH: Peace out dudes.

Krig: Krig think hippy-man is sort of late.

GandTH: Late? you mean I went through all of this trouble to be late?

Krig: Me think me say that, Yeah me say that.

GandTH: Oh, well *snaps fingers, is now wearing dessert combat fatigues and is wearing a backpack and holding a small dog crate/ rocket launcher in his left hand with a laptop case slung over his right shoulder. Is now also considerably younger looking, with dirty blond hair in a bowl cut.

GandTH: I've got some pizza and soda in my backpack if you guys want some.

*At this Krig starts drooling, McLongname kicks a nearby redwood over and the rest start advancing on him.*

NSP: More later, this will just get me in the story, and Geb I'm not JorBo. I'll write my Writer in with the next post and I'll leave my name at GandTH and GandTW till Sem says otherwise.

------------------
TX3=The Tolkien TerrorsT times 3
>>----->
SBX ROCKS!!
()===@{=====>

Janitor Bob

05-05-2002, 02:01 PM

*Scene. A complacent unknown tropical beach. Waves calmly lap over the smooth wet sand, serenely.*

*A smooth, hushed, disembodied voice, fills the air.*

Voice Over: These are scary times we live in.

*The faces of Pat Buchanan, Ross Perot, and Maximillian Ropespierre flash across the screen in a dingy black and white*

Voice Over: These are times of Uncertainty.

*Shot of a frail old lady pulling a too large lever on a slot machine. Her face stricken with anticipation, the dials spin around and around, finally halting at Banana, Apple, Kumquat. Her smile fades into a betrayed frown, as she reaches for another quarter.*

Voice Over: That’s why, when times get tough…

*An old man, stumbles onward, through a blinding snowstorm, his cloak flapping in the wind. He coughs twice.*

Voice Over: When you’ve lost your creativity, or intelligence.

*A NBC executive approves a host of “Reunion” specials*

Voice Over: We’ll always be there to help.

*A snowblower clears a path for the poor old man. The driver grins, and tips his hat. The Old Man gives a cough of gratitude.*

Voice Over: Who are we?

*Non Sequiter scenes of furry ducks, sweeping mountain ranges, and radiant forests.*

Voice Over: We’re the BUMP corporation.

*The BUMP building towers over a poverty stricken neighborhood.*

Voice Over: Proudly BUMPING into the 21rst Century*

*A number flashes at the bottom of the screen, inviting people to call and make tax-deductible donations*

*The screen fades out and then raucous classical score with lots of tambourines blasts forth*

*The 21rst Century Massassi flashes on the screen, with the ISforumsFilm Logo next.*

*White words zoom in*

White Words: Wooden/plastic Alloy Pushbroom.

*Janitor Bob plays Wack-A-Mole with his pushbroom, causing the game to overheat and blow up*

White Words: High Tensile Strength Suspenders

*Bob hangs from the flagpole by his suspenders at Summer Camp*

Bob: Okay, guys, this stopped being funny about an hour ago!
White Words: Dangerously Corrosive Window Cleaner

*A blue mist covers the camera lense*

Bob: AH! My eyes!

White Words: [b]PROFFESION[/I]

*Close-up on Bob’s Badge*

White Words: [b]JANITOR[/I]

*Flashes of scenes of Bob spinning around with his pushbroom, cleaning up cobwebs, dusting up dust, and whipping windows.*

NES. COMING ALWAYS.

------------------
"Ah, but who's the greater fool? The fool, or the foolish fool who get's fooled by the fool who's foolisher than the foolish fool?"

-Janitor Bob(Salk Wars)

TX3_Gandalf

05-06-2002, 11:47 AM

NSP:How silly of me to expect someone to write a story post with me joining in. Oh, well.

--==<<The Writer's Realm>>==--

All the writers were sitting around doing absolutely nothing, and yet pretending to be busy when suddenly there was a knock on the.
Wierd Al: Well, know, who could that be? There's no answere. Who is it? There not saying anything.

TheOtterTW: Who's he?

KrigTW:Me no know.

there is suddenly a rapping at the door

BOOM BOOM ChIcK, bA-dOoM bA-dOoM cHicK

The door explodes open and there is a person standing there. This person had such indescribeable features that he couldn't be descripted. (Either that, or the writer is just to lazy.)

GandTW: I brought cookies, Duct Tape, and my own computer.

TX3_Gandalf

05-06-2002, 12:00 PM

Why in the monkey wrench isn't my post showing up. It's the one after J. Bob's that writes my writer in. Ha that sounds kind of funky.

------------------
TX3=The Tolkien TerrorsT times 3
>>----->
SBX ROCKS!!
()===@{=====>

Taz

05-07-2002, 06:00 AM

Then sudenlly a person with increddible energy apears and says. "Do you nead some help?" "I am Taz and this is my desert traning ground. I am the most powerfull Saiyan in the world. every muscle I have can lift at least 1,238 pounds. And you look like you could use some help, so what can I do."

KyleKatarn7

05-07-2002, 03:46 PM

I'm afraid I have come down with a serious case of writer's blockitis. If anybody else would be willing to write for a while, I'm sure I'll recover quickly.

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

Highemperor of the Force

05-07-2002, 07:55 PM

A rip in space-time appears - a portal between universes, specifically, the TACC and Massassi realms. Highemperor's head can be seen poking through from the TACC realm, where the heroes are in the third circle of Hell.

Highemperor: Hmmm. . . *his gaze sweeps across the desolate Australian scene and discovers our wretched band of heroes* Aha! See what a fine mess you've gotten into without MY help! I am omnipotent! I am all-powerful! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *pauses* On that note, I'll take my leave of you. *tries to take his head back through the portal, but discovers that it's-* STUCK! I'M STUUUUUUCK!

Taz: Some great and powerful demigod YOU are.

*Highemperor's eyes blaze, and a bolt of blue energy zaps from his eyes, hitting Taz squarely on the chest and knocking him to the other end of the universe, punching through the edge into the adjacent universe, and all the way through all Creation*

Taz: DANG. . . Remind me never to make that man mad. *slaps himself* Hey, wait, I'm a demigod myself! *flies back across Creation back to Highemperor - or his head, rather*

Highemperor: Hey, hey, HEY! What are you DOING?!

Taz: Be still. Man, it's really not easy trying to get a headlock on a guy with no neck.

Highemperor: I HAVE a neck, you bloody idiot, it's just stuck on the other side of this portal!

Otter: *seeing them from a slight distance* Yes! Two men fighting! I can finally prove my legal skills! *rushes over to Highemp and Taz* Sir, *speaking to Taz* do you need my legal assistance in settling a dispute with this, er, head?

Taz: *thinking* Actually, suing him WOULD be a more cruel fate than merely getting him in a headlock. Yes, be my attorney.

Otter: Good. Hmm, now we need a judge. *points* YOU!

RAM: Me?

Otter: Yeah, you! You're the judge!

RAM: Um, okay. I hearby call this session to order.

Maybe: Oh, shoot, I can't bare to watch. . .

Otter: Your Honor, I-

RAM/Judge: Wait! The defendant has no attorney.

Highemp: *outraged* I?! I don't need an attorney! Even if law weren't beneath me, I could clean your clocks in it any day of the week! I-

Otter: Oh, don't worry. I'll be his attorney, too!

Highemp: *face livid with rage* Why, you stinkin' little- *face contorts, as he suddenly realizes anger isn't the ONLY reason he's turning purple. . .* I'm choking! Help, help, HELP!!!

What will happen to our intrepid, if arrogant and stupid, Highemperor now? Find out next time, in either NeS or NeS: In the Realm of TACC!

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)

Highemperor of the Force

05-07-2002, 07:56 PM

Taz

05-08-2002, 05:46 AM

But in the mean time while you are doing that I will kick this dudes but like the maggot he is. Suddenly Taz powers up to super Saiyan stage 1 and tears into his atacker. While beating the neutrons out of the whelp he speaks calmly to the new atourny. I would like to get back to austrailia and help those stranded guys but if not this is sort of fun. He then fires an energy beam at the attacker the size of a small sun.

Highemperor of the Force

05-08-2002, 03:03 PM

*Highemperor watches the EBSSS (Energy Beam the Size of a Small Sun) come closer and yawns*
Highemp: When is this going to get interesting?

*the EBSSS knocks Highemperor loose of the portal and back into TACC*

Highemp: Thanks, you ingrate! I, uh, planned that! Um, yeah. . . *the portal closes, once again sealing TACC and Massassi apart*

Krig: Hmm, no love lost between those two.

Otter: What about my case?

RAM/Judge: Yeah, I was kinda enjoying being a judge. . .

Maybe: Ah, *insert choice swear word here*!

Taz: So. Now that I'm in Australia, what can I do?

Otter: *hopefully* Couldya train me to be just as strong? Then the women would like me! *looks MaybeChild up and down*

Maybe: Ugh! You sicko! *knees Otter squarely in the groin*

Otter: *on the ground* *moan*

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)

Highemperor of the Force

05-08-2002, 03:03 PM

TheTwistedSpasm

05-08-2002, 09:04 PM

TheTwistedSpasm zaps into existence in the middle of the odd, um... thing our heros are in now.

Spasm: *shaking his head* Did I just create a plot hole? Oh, nuts...

*He looks around, assessing the situation. He then lifts his little finger on his left hand, and with a little poke sends Taz hurtling away from the planet, toward the moon, which he smashes into.*

Taz: Ow.

Spasm*grinning*: Gee, that was fun!

Spasm turns and faces the group.

Spasm: Now then, I know I was gone for a while, but really, I'd like to be in your story, and it's not nice to just leave me stranded... um... somewhere. Where was I stranded?

*The Heros look at each other for a moment, then collectivly shrug.*

GandTH: Like, um, don't look at me, bro, I just got here.

Spasm: Doesn't matter. *looks over at Otter, sees his briefcase* Ooh! Legal stuff! I'm good at this!

TheTwistedSpasm has returned! Will he post three times and then disapear again? Will he remain, much to the disgust of everyone else? Or will he simply fade out of existence, never to be heard from again? And who am I anyway? Er, tune in next time!

Gebohq

05-08-2002, 10:11 PM

(NSP: Sounds like Ares is in a bit of a loss on the monopoly on super-powerplaying http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif...

As for myself, I'm in the midst of ending my college semester (and I'm sure many of you are doing similar busy things), so I probably won't be able to post until towards the end of May, in which I hope to post more regularly. And after talking with Highemperor, NeS should be heading into an interesting direction...mwahahahahahaha *cough*, er, anywhos... http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif)

Taz

05-09-2002, 05:58 AM

taz: *flying back to spasm* So you are the one, the *mocking* spasm.! Ha! you nead to crawl back into that wombat hole you came out of.
Spasm:*angry* YOU DARE MOCK ME! *strangely calm now* oh well I will get rid of you and then i will have some fun with these strange beings.
Taz:*knowing that which spasm dosnt* So is this a chalenge?
Spasm:Yes.
Taz: So be it, defend thyself maggot, you have just piked a fight with the most powerfull saiyan in the universe.!!!!
Spasm: You saaiiyyaanns are sooo cocky.
Taz: If only you knew. *yelling now* KAY HA TAY!!!!!!! *sudenly a green sphere of energy sorounds taz and keaps growing and growing, and spasm shoots lightning (or sompthing of the sort) at taz but to spasms great suprize it bounces of. then without warning.*HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!* and the energy is thrown out going to distroy everything but win it gets to our heros it dost touch them or the earth but reapears after it passes! but spasm is hit directly with it and he gos flying of into a other relm where he wont be able to get back fore a while. To every ones great surprize (even taz's) it opend a door to the relm of the triforce.but at least spasm is stuck....for now....*
Taz: otter you should learn from me as should all of you becuse if somehow that guy gets the triforce he might not be able to be stoped. I take you all as my pupils.
Maybe:Great now otter will be even more cocky, that disgusting little creep.*staring at him who is now up with renewed energy at the news of going to be trained.*
Maybe: This better be worth it....

Taz

05-10-2002, 05:17 AM

Taz powers down.

Highemperor of the Force

05-10-2002, 08:05 PM

<<Here we are, in an Australian wasteland, watching as our brave and courageous heroes toil through this wretched desolation.>>

Maybe: Hey! I don't need no stinkin' narrator to tell ME what to do!

<<*sniff* Fine. See what do you can without me, then. I'm taking a vacation to the Bahamas!>>

TwistedSpasm: *returned to our heroes through another conveniently placed plot hole* We lost the narrator AGAIN?!

Krig: Good. Krig hungry. Narrator not give Krig food. Krig want eat.

Losien: So, um, what do we do now?

KKtheH: I'm not sure. I feel lost. . . directionless. . .

Maybe: C'mon, you guys, we have to prove that we CAN get along without a narrator!

*our heroes stand around*

. . .

*eight months later*

Phantom Master: Any ideas yet?

Maybe: I'm working on it!

. . .

*eight years later*

Randy: Well?

Michael McLongname: Hey, these kind of things take time; it's not like we're real people who have to make real decisions all the time!

. . .

*eight decades later*

*All of our heroes are dead from old age, except for Maybe, Otter, and Losien, who are lying on the ground, all wrinkled and whatnot*

Losien: *huffing* Any. . . ideas yet. . . Maybe?

Maybe: *coughing* Not. . . yet. . .

Otter: *wheezing* I've. . . got. . . an idea. . .

Maybe: You. . . sickoooooo- *dies*

Losien: I've never. . . never felt loved. . . Otter. Can you. . . love me?

Otter: Sure. . . thing, babe. . . *starts crawling over to where Losien is lying*

<<I'm baa-ack! Whew, I really needed that vacation. But now that I've returned it's time to see what those so-called "heroes" have done in my absence!>>

*pause as Narrator looks around*

<<*gasp* Well, serves 'em right, too. Anyway, time to fix this mess. *snaps his fingers*>>

*time rolls backwards 88 years and 8 months*

TwistedSpasm: *returned to our heroes through another conveniently placed plot hole* We lost the narrator AGAIN?!

<<Nope, I'm here. For which you should be thanking your lucky stars. . .>>

Losien: I'll say! I was about to give into HIM! *pushes Otter away, who is tugging at her shirt*

Otter: *pouts*

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)

[This message has been edited by Highemperor of the Force (edited May 11, 2002).]

KyleKatarn7

05-13-2002, 08:35 PM

B.U.M.P.
.
.
.
Had you going....nah, this is an actual post with a semi-actual plot!

After our commercial break, we open on our group of intrepid heroes stranded in the middle of Australia, with plot holes opening right and left, and a conveniently, almost too conveniently, placed oasis.

Otter: "Come on Losey...just a phone number, that's all."

Krig: "Krig hungry."

Losien: " NO NO NO NO NO NO NO...NO!"

Otter, finally taking the hint after being slugged a few times and a restraining order, moves on to other prey...

Otter: "Hey Maybe, I've lost my phone number...could I borrow yours?"

Krig: "Krig hungry."

Maybe: "Male chauvanistic pig! *Whack*"

Otter: "Owwww....how'd you fit that baseball bat in your purse anyways?"

Maybe: "Ummm...erm....it's a collapsable bat, yes, that's it...collapsable."

Krig: "Krig hungry."

KKtH: "Hey Krig, maybe there are a couple fish in the lake-"

Krig, upon hearing of the potential for food, dives in...and makes a startling discover...

*CLANG*

Krig: "Owwwwwww...Krig head hurt"

Randy: "Check that out...the water's fake!"

Highemperor: "If you think that's interesting, check out this trap door..."

Losien: "I have a bad feeling about this..."

Krig: "Losey think we in trouble?"

Losien: "No, I think the writer is running outta ideas"

Krig: "Ahhh....Krig hungry still!"

While this riveting discussion has been going on, Kyle Katarn and Emperor were busy at work trying to open the door...

KKtH: "Well Emperor...I'm outta ideas. We've tried everything. I'm worried that taz'll blow up the Earth if he even gets near this door. No data access ports so my data pad's useless...No handle, no keypad, no nothing...just the outline of a door in the middle of this fake lake...This door just won't budge..."

Krig: "Krig smash if Krig no get food soon!"

KKtH and Emperor slowly look to each other as they get an idea...

Will our heroes get to the bottom of this mysterious mystery? What is awaiting our intrepid heroes inside? Find out next time on the Never-Ending Story: To Eat or Not To Eat.

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited May 13, 2002).]

TheTwistedSpasm

05-13-2002, 09:37 PM

*Spasm walks over to the trapdoor*

Spasm: Hey guys, need help?

KKth: Um... not really, but thanks for asking.

Spasm: Well, um... are you sure?

HighEmporor: Yeah, really.

*Spasm wanders over to the rest of the group. Otter is standing behind Maybe, drooling on her shoulder*

Maybe: You should know better than to bother them when they're working.

GandTH: Yeah, what she said, duuuuuuude.

Spasm *shrugs*

Meanwhile, Krig sits a few paces away from the others, busy imitating thought

Krig: Krig heard that, Krig smash!

*with pride*You can't, I'm the Narrator!

Krig: Krig hungry.

*Losien and Maybe walk over to avoid Otter*

Maybe: What are you doing, Krig?

Krig: Krig thinking.

Maybe: About what?

Krig: About how Kyle Katarn and High Emporor of Force Thingie are stupid.

Maybe *amused*: Ok.

Losien: Why?

Krig: Give Krig food.

Maybe: huh?

Krig: Give Krig food and Krig will tell.

*Losien reaches into her pocket, pulls out a smashed Reeses Peanut Butter Cup*

Losien: Here.

Krig *swallows RPBC, wrapper and all*: Krig sitting on switch to trapdoor. *burp*

What will happen next time? Why are KKth and HighEmporor so stupid? Will I get sick of this stupid job and leave for good? Find out next time!

Antestarr

05-13-2002, 10:45 PM

*From without, the church stood as a dull grey monument to times long past. Yet, as Ante stepped through the threshold, its true grandeur came upon him. Stones wrought by masons for generations, meticulously placed together to form a near-solid pattern. No two blocks had enough space between them for so much as a piece of paper to fit. Enormous pillars reached to the heavens, where there was a beautiful mural depicting the choirs of angels descending from a great throne. Around the perimeter of the walls was a great balcony, and beyond that great stained glass windows, through which rainbows cascaded down to the wooden pews arranged neatly into rows. Directly above the entryway, was a rose window, whose light shone nearly the entire way to the altar, where a figure clad in black kneeled, two gentlemen in business suits standing behind him.*

Suit 1: Come now, the deal is very reasonable. All we ask is that you come to work for us, or at least come back with us quietly. Our employers...

Man in Black (interrupting): Your employers already know where I stand and how I feel about them. If they want so badly to talk to me, they had better come in person.

Suit 2: You realize, that we are not to go back empty-handed...

*A click was heard from above. For the first time Ante noticed that among the cascading rainbows were the distinct red lines of laser sights, all going from the stranger in black to no fewer than 20 rifles in the balcony.*

MiB: If you can't go back empty-handed, then I suppose you won't be going back at all.

*With inhuman speed, the mysterious figure rose, seemingly flew backwards, and backhanded one of the men in suits. He then spun and grabbed the other man in a suit and flung him towards where he had been kneeling, just as 20 bullets screamed through the air and welcomed the taste of the employee's flesh.

He then leapt up to the balcony on one side, pulling a sword from off his back whilst in mid-air. Rushing the snipers, he slit the throats of many, and greivously wounded any others who hadn't already suffered from the bullets of their comrades. After 5 minutes the pandemonium subsided. The figure moved back towards where he had been kneeling.*

MiB: The altar here has been desecrated by the blood of the wicked... This place must be purged.

*He drew a cylindrical object from beneath his shirt, twisted it, and dropped it to the ground. As he was walking out he spied Ante, who's jaw had dropped nearly to the floor.*

MiB: If you aren't one of them, I would suggest you get out of here fast.

*This was the first time Ante had gotten a clear glimpse of the man. About 6 and a half feet tall, his attire consisted of a black woven shirt with black leather strings made to hold the front together, but kept somewhat loose to expose his chest; black pants; and black leather boots. This all contrasted his short, somewhat spiky, platinum blond hair.

Both of them exited the church, but Ante turned around to watch what was to happen. A flash came from within the church, blowing out all the stained glass windows. Much of the interior floor and its pillars were destroyed, causing the entire building to collapse upon itself. After the dust settled, all that was left of the building was a pile of rubble. However, as Ante noted, the only sound heard came from the church itself. No sound had accompanied the flash.

Turning around, he could see the stranger attempting to vanish into the stunned crowd. In a mixture of not wanting to go through another trial and a desire to learn more about the stranger, Ante started shoving his way through people, making his way towards where it seemed the stranger was headed.*

--------------------------

*Ante the Writer looks at his computer screen. Various faqs about tags and html and the like clutter his screen.*

Ante: Hmm... maybe if I actually get the comic site started up they'll let me out of this industrial strength freezer... or maybe Krig will come in here in search of food and realize that he may be of assistance in this endeavor... and maybe I'll get the feeling back in those toes before I have to get them amputated.....

Taz

05-14-2002, 05:33 AM

*And with the burp the organic door is so disgusted that it pops open*
Krig:Oops.*krig falls*
While our heros and spasm stare in amasement the narator speaks.*Save your friend allready*
*so one by one they jump down but when spasm tries Taz gets verry agitated.*
Taz:Why are we allowing him to come with us?
Otter:why shouldnt we let him come?
Taz:Well only becuse he said he would kill us unless that isnt reason enough for you!?!!
Otter:Let him come.
Taz:fine....
*and so they all jump into the unknown pit*

Highemperor of the Force

05-14-2002, 07:46 PM

Just a note: Highemp is in TACC right now, not in Massassi. http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)

Antestarr

05-15-2002, 12:20 PM

*NSP: Just letting you all know, http://nesi.keenspace.com actually has the pre-1st issue up. /NSP*

*A team of scientists is hard at work. The head of the project is leading a group of reporters through the lab to show off the research. Within a glass encapsulation, and held in place by electromagnetic and radioactive restraints is their specimen.*

Lead Scientist: Here you can see an example of the ever elusive plot hole. It is quite rare for a layman such as myself to come across one, let alone contain it. However, there are reports of them popping up all over the world, most recently in Australia. It would appear as if there are people who can somehow bend the will of the plot in such a way as to create these holes. This has had adverse effects on the environment of our world. The rainforests of Brazil have been turned into desert. The Sahara Desert is now a gigantic lake with mutant swimming scorpions. And Disneyland has been replaced with foul demons that suck the souls out of children. On second thought, that last one didn't change, huh?

In conclusion, these plotholes are very unpredictable and dangerous. They could very well unmake the universe as we know it. Fortunately we have these saftey restraints keeping this one in place and inac...

*Just then, a scientist in the background who had forgotten to get his coffee that morning and hadn't actually slept since last Thursday fell asleep and his head landed on the large, red, safety release button. For a moment, all was black. When light once more returned, all the scientists and reporters were replaced with monkeys in the clothing of whoever had been standing there prior. The plothole was replaced with a magnetized and irradiated banana.*

Lead Scientists Monkey (shaking his fist at the air): Ooo, ooh AAAHAAHHAH! (translation: You damn dirty plotholes!)

Reporter Monkey (raising his hand with pen in it): Eee Eee EEE! (translation: Can I have the banana?)

*The moral of this story: Plotholes are a dangerous plot device, barely controllable by an expert. We didn't name this the Neverending Plothole Thread, and as such there are those of us who hope it not to become such a thing. Oh, and concerning the latest Deus Ex Machina-esque attempts and unusual superhuman battles; we write our characters in for fun, not for "who's got the heftiest dragonballzz" and with that there comes an unspoken respect for other writers. Every character has their moment to shine, it's just very rarely when they first appear. And... uh... er... don't do drugs.*

*This has been a public service announcement from the Keep it Clean Coalition where our motto is "No hitting below the belt!"*

Highemperor of the Force

05-15-2002, 03:13 PM

*claps*

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)

Gebohq

05-16-2002, 09:06 AM

(NSP: Ante's right. Plotholes, while they shouldn't be thrown out the windows, must be used wisely. Besides, not only is Highemperor not with you guys, but the Narrator is off narrating for the NeS:TACC side-story, having left the computer to do the narrating.

A couple reminders: Remember to check the top of page 29, as I will be updating it as much as I can (at least over the summer) so you can see the character's status, and remember for the new writers (TX3_Gandalf, Taz, TwistedSpasm, etc.) to please explain your character's physical attributes and personalities (mad props to Kyle for doing a good job on his a while back). Thank you.

Now let's see if I can't fix this up a bit...)

Our heroes begin to descend down the pitch black hole the trap-door in the fake oasis in the Austrailian desert.

Otter: Hey, it's dark in here--

Maybe: Don't get any ideas.

Otter: I wasn't I wasn't! Sheesh...

Losien: Don't get any ideas.

Otter: Damn.

Masetto, having been the last one to descend into the hole, accidentially lost his grip, and toppled over all the heroes, causing them to crash onto the ground far below.

All Heroes: Oooooowww.....

MZZT: Anyone got a light?

Maybechild: You want to smoke at a time like this?

MZZT: No! I mean a flashlight, or something.

Otter: Hold on...

*TheOtter attempts to make his "Vulcan's Flame" aka fireball, but is promptly put out.*

Randy: OW! Watch it!

Otter: Sorry.

Phantom Master: *in alien accent* Click-click clicky-click!

Mick McLongname: Say that again?

Phantom Master: *in Austrailian accent* Sorry 'bout that mate. I was saying "What about the new guys?"

Taz: I refuse to answer to any of you.

Spasm: Gee, that was considerate. And I don't have anything.

Kyle: Let me check...

*A variety of noises follow, ranging from the sheathing of knives, to clocks ticking, to tires being changed. Finally, a white light from his laptop monitor shines forth.*

Kyle: There we go.

Maybe: Great, now get off me Sem!

Semievil: *cough* Almost choked on your hair...

*Maybechild flicks on her lighter to add to their lightsources. Otter also relights his fireball.*

Janitor Bob: Do you have to hover that thing so close to me?

Otter: Sorry.

TX3_Gand: Look everyone!

The heroes gaze upon their surroundings. It appeared as if they were deep within a secret labratory built inside a giant cavern system.

Galvatron: From my scanners, it would appear that we are at least ten stories underground, and that the present technology here surpasses most known technology.

Masetto: Anyone care for a stroll?

Krig: Krig hungry. Krig want to find food.

Kyle: Are you ever NOT hungry?

Krig: Sometimes Krig is tired...

Suddenly, a GIANT MONSTER APPEARS!

Krig: Monster?

J-Bob: Hey, there's no monster...and you can't be the narrator!

Uhh....*cough* Of course I am! For I am the ALL-POWERFUL NARRATOR!--ow-ow-ow! Stop that!

*Maybechild drags Mark Hamill out of the shadows by his ear.*

Mark Hamill: I just wanted to be part of the gang! Come on guys, I can be cool! Besides, the computer back at your place told me to be the narrator!

Sem: No good computers--

Galv: I resent that!

Sem: Sorry. Let him tag along. Besides, he does a good narrator impression, and we can beat him up if we don't like what he says.

Mark Hammill: Yay! http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

*cough* The heroes then trek into the mysterious caverns...
---------------------------------------------
...uh...since I'm not there, I can't narrate outside my setting.

<<Oh fine! Useless lackey... Meanwhile, back at the Legion of Spookay, Darkside and his evil villian band continued to plot more evil, with Gettleburger sort of dazing out and watching them out of boredom and being pre-occupied with being in another realm at the same time. As usual though, "plotting evil" meant playing another game of Trivial Pursuit. You can do the closing line, Marky.>>

Yay! What will our heroes find in the mysterious laboratory? Will the other heroes trapped in hell ever make it back? When will the NeS webcomic be up and running? Find out, on The Never-ending Story Thread: Into New Territory!

Kyle: Should we be worried that he talks like that?

Spasm: Of course not! He's the narrator.

Kyle: He still gives me the creeps.

(NSP: Some other things. Taz, obviously I can't make you do anything, and I obviously appreciate new writers more than anything, we've already had sayians in this story as well as powerplayers (Arbiter and Highemperor for example, respectively), so if you can, try to think of a more original character description. TX3_Gandalf--if you can do the same, that'd be much appreciated. Also, in case anyone doesn't know, to make something in italics, you just do this:

[ i ] whatever you want in italics [/ i ]

just without the spaces. To make something in bold, it's the same thing, except you replace the "i" with "b". I hope you put these to good use http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited May 16, 2002).]

Ares

05-16-2002, 11:34 AM

Group of hero's run into Ares in a cave.
Ares: You didn't forget about ME did you?
Mark Hamill: Who are YOU?
Ares: WHO AM I?!?!?
(Ares blasts Mark Hamill back through the caves far out of sight. Several thuds can be heard then a...)
Mark Hamill(very distant): owwwwwwwww.....

TheTwistedSpasm

05-16-2002, 05:20 PM

(NSP: Congrats, Gebohq, that is EXACTLY what I would have said under the circumstances.)

*Spasm steps forward, glaring resolutely at Ares*

Spasm: That wasn't at all nice.

Ares: I don't care. I can do what I want. And besides, I hate Mark Hamill.

*The others gasp*

Otter: That's obscene!

Ares *laughs*: Ha! Is it? I auditioned to play Luke Skywalker, and guess who got the part!

Spasm *scratches his head*: Uh... Mark Hamill?

Ares: Duh! I was PERFECT for the part! *he starts yelling* I would've been the absolute BEST LUKE SKYWALKER EVER! But was I? WAS I? NO! All because of that sorry brat!

Maybe: That's so sad...

[i]What? What is this? Oh no, why do I sense another plot hole?[i]

KyleKatarn7

05-16-2002, 07:17 PM

Kyle Katarn's New and Improved Post!

<<We find our heroes deep in the underground cave system of Ares' secret laboratory, hidden cleverly beneath a fake oasis in the middle of Australia>>

Ares: "So, enough about my failed career as an actor and the emotional scars, therapy, and years of obsessing over my revenge, let's get on to business. Ahhhh, galvatron...my old nemesis. I see you've brought a couple of your friends this time-"

Phantom: (Monotone computer voice, complete with weird pronunciation) "Ares, before you initiate the molecular disintegration of us, please input the parameters of our location."

<<HEY! You can't just replace me like that! I'm leaving!>>

*SLAM* Footsteps are heard rushing into the distance, and then a car speeding off.

Mark: "...Hey guys...since you're in need of a narrator...."

Ares: "NO, you will not usurp my role once again Hammy McHamHam! I, Ares, god of war, claim the narrator position as my role! So there! *raspberrys Mark*"

Now...where were we? Oh yes...I was just about to explain my diabolical plan to control the world...again

*Off in the distance, a clown horn is heard, and then marching...*

Clowns: "Hup hup hup hup hup hup hup"

Clown Lieutenant: "I don't know but I've been told!"

Clowns: "I don't know but I've been told!"

Clown Lieutenant: "The NES writer doesn't have a rhyming dictionary!"

Clowns: "The NES writer doesn't have a rhyming dictionary!"

Clown L.: "Sound Off!"

*The line of clowns march from one side of the cavern to the other, and then turns off into a side cavern, their cadence echoing off into the distance.*

Sem: "Well, that's something you don't see every day."

Ares: "As you can see, I have a fully armed and operational Clown Clone College. Here clowns train, night and day, to find out who is the best of the best of the best."

*As he says this, the camera slowly pans across the facility, showing the impressive Clown cloning facility, the firing range (for squirt flowers), the driving course (consisting of the little clown cars doing all the stunts required of Secret Service drivers (ie standing it on two wheels, parallel parking at full speed, etc.), and the requisite provisions department.*

Heroes: "Whoa..."

Randy: "Wait a second Ares, what's with the laboratory set up then?"

Ares: "Oh, that. It was left by the previous owner. I think it adds a certain...je ne sais quoi, to the room, don't you?"

Randy: "Ahh, ok...whatever that means"

Janitor Bob: "Hey, wait a second...you still haven't told us your plans!"

Will our heroes be able to figure out what I plan to do with my diabolical Clown Clone College? Will our writer be sued for copyright infringement? Will I get double pay for being both the narrator and a character? Find out next time on The Never-Ending Story: As the Nose Squeaks or The Never-Ending Story: Attack of the Clowns!

Janitor Bob: "I'm not kidding Ares...we need those plans, come on don't just leave us hanging like this!...Ares?"

Fade out

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited May 16, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited May 19, 2002).]

TwistedSoul

05-17-2002, 08:21 AM

Luckily The sun starts swelling to a red giant and once again light can be seen.

Antestarr

05-17-2002, 09:08 PM

*Ante the writer looks at KyleKatarn7's last post.*

Ante (to himself): Wait a second... we get paid for this?! I gotta get outta here and start collecting on past due paychecks!!

*With that, he starts beating violently on the door to the meat-locker.*

KyleKatarn7

05-18-2002, 10:30 PM

NSP: I should probably clarify just in case Antestarr's post isn't a joke. The narrator is now Ares, so he is both a character in the story and the narrator.

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited May 18, 2002).]

Tracer

05-20-2002, 01:10 PM

NSP: The NeS computer game.

I'm here to let the writers know that there's an adventure game based on the events of the Neverending Story in the works. I'm doing the programming, Krig volunteered to draw the art and Geb is going to help fit the NeS script to a game environment. Antestarr is probably going to help out in some way, too.

We haven't got any gameplay figured out as of yet, but it'll be along the lines of a Monkey Island game (solve puzzles, talk to people, etc.).

-----This is the only definate stuff so far----

Voice acting (once the script is completed) is pretty much up for grabs, though I think that giving each writer dibs on their NeS personas is fair. Of course, the script hasn't been written so there's really no way to tell which characters will be included, and so there wouldn't be much point in calling a character right now. If interest is high, I've got some fair ways of doling out the parts which should ensure that everyone gets the characters they want...but that's all in the future...

So yeah. I just want the writers to be aware of what's going on. If you'd like to help out...well, don't. Not yet. We'll need assistance down the road, but things are running smoothly right now. Krig, Geb and Ante: If this isn't true and you guys do need help with whatever you're doing, feel free to ask.

So that's the score. email me at mailto:null_entropy@hotmail.comnull_entropy@hotmai l.com</A> if you have questions. On that note, Geb, I'd appreciate it if you could tell me when your semester is complete.

That is all.

IS_ford1342

05-20-2002, 03:21 PM

is this going to go as far as fast as the NeS comic?

Tracer

05-20-2002, 03:48 PM

Well, I hope not. I can't speak for anyone else, but the programming is going to be dead simple. The only delays I'm anticipating are with the voice acting. It all comes down to how soon we can get started on the script, which depends on when Geb finishes school (hey Geb, email me about working on the script).

Antestarr

05-20-2002, 05:01 PM

*Ante the writer toils away at his computer deep within the meat freezer.*

Ante *typing*: Al...most... done... for the time...

*Clicking on the "update site" button, a great wailing of souls and screeching of cars is heard, due to the astonishment of the world that Ante actually did something. Snow was now falling in Hell and many a bet had been lost, whereas 4 people were much, much richer.

Looking to the door, a grinding was heard as the lock slid away from the bolted position and it swung open, letting in a searing yellow light. Freedom was his, for a moment, as the preliminary site design was done. For now, he could re-join the other writers in an actual office.*

--------------------

*Memorandum:
From: MMC
To: NeS Writers/Heroes

In order to retain some semblance of sanity with our readers and to reduce the taxing pull of the ability of Omnipresence on a god of War such as Ares, we have assembled a group of high quality voice actors, often used by Disney and/or the Ocean Group to assume the responsibilities of substitute narrator until a being of pure omnipresence and omniscience who can hold no sway over the actual happenings may be re-introduced. Please bear with us in these times of unrest.

~Executives of MMC*

*Note: MMC has not been officially introduced yet. They will be.*

Tracer

05-20-2002, 07:09 PM

The Massassi Forums Building
11:45 PM

*It is well past closing time, and the writers have either gone home or fallen asleep at their keyboards, their office doors firmly shut. However, down at the end of the hallway, one door is slightly ajar, enough so that subdued sounds of typing - interspersed with dainty mouse clicks - are audible.*

*The camera begins a fast but steady pan towards that singular office and its errant occupant, nudging the door fully open.*

*The interior is unspectacular, despite an expansive corner window. Books of all types dominate most of the interior, aside from the few feet devoted to a computer and its user, a young man approaching his twenties.*

*The teenager, a determined look in his eye, is madly typing away - but not so madly as to forgo home row technique. Letters blink to life, forming words. But the words are strange, rife with odd conjugations and semicolons.*

*Fade to black...*

Location: Secret Australian Clown College

(The heroes watch with rapt attention as the clown clones do several constructive things not depicted in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones)

Ares: Ah! Not this time, my comic custodian! You see, for years evil super villians have had their plans thwarted by foolish and rather inefectual heroes for one reason: They can't keep their mouths shut. Well, I for one am through with having my terrible plans chatted into faliure. Hmph!

(Ares clams up)

Randy: So, what now?

Phantom Master: (In his wackiest voice ever) We seem to be left to our own devices.

Losien: Don't worry, we're a team. We can succeed!

Michael McLongname: You said it, baby. Succeed at love.

Losien: Stop it, Mick. I'm not that kind of girl.

Krig: Krig's axe a device!

Janitor Bob: Come on, mop. Don't let me down now. (He commences mopping a smallish portion of the floor)

Masetto: I'll just stand over here for a while.

MaybeChild: No! Stay together! We're a team! Team!

(But it's no good, no good at all. The heroes, their wild team-ctf antics of pages past forgotten, have come to rely much too heavily on babbling super villians and circular distortions in the space/time continiuum, and are no longer capable of functioning as a team. Despite MaybeChild's near-rabid protesting, the heroes slowly disband and walk off to seperate areas of the room, each doing his or her own thing.)

MaybeChild: (Quietly, to herself) I wish Geb was here.

(Maybe gives the scene another disparaging look with her sharp second in command gaze. Starting with Janitor Bob mopping away, then moving to Krig, chopping and smashing things with his axe. Passing over Masetto, standing around with his hands shoved into his pockets, coming to rest on the ever busy clowns. The clowns. Constantly moving and changing formation; not synchronized, but certainly with some semblance of order...)

(Suddenly, a spark of intuition flickers in Maybe's brain. The solution, of course, is obvious!)

MaybeChild's Brain: Obvious as all hell!*

*Reprinted with permission from I. Asimov and Co.

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited May 20, 2002).]

Taz

05-21-2002, 05:24 AM

Taz:Lets just figure out how to get out of hear or else we can use this stuff and build sompthing realy cool.
/so what are our heros going to do find out next time!/

The Last True Evil

05-21-2002, 06:22 AM

Uh...which of the seemingly-infinite NeS plots will the game be based on? Are we creating a completely new one?

I ask only because of the the ambiguous nature of TLTE...you might make him a good guy, and I may decide I want him to be a bad guy (THE bad guy?) or vice-versa...

Tracer

05-21-2002, 02:12 PM

NSP: The game is going to be based on some combination of the events of this thread. As for TLTE's alliegance, well, I intended to just go by what was written...is that alright with you?

If you want, I'll give you a copy of the game storyline and script once it's completed for suggestions, revisions, and so on (this offer is open to all NeS writers who's material is used, which I expect will be everybody).

KyleKatarn7

05-21-2002, 03:59 PM

NSP: Yes, I'm most definitely interested in seeing the script and storyline of the game.

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

Gebohq

05-21-2002, 06:46 PM

(NSP: Concerning the NeS computer game--

So you all know, I'll be writing up the basic script for the game, so if anyone has any suggestions, comments, questions, etc., by all means, send them! (at gebohq@hotmail.com) The more you tell and ask of me, the more the game will fit the likings of the writers (and hopefully, any other audience--it'll also make it easier for me to write up the script http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif).

And though I would be more than happy to see NeS rise in the post count, I hope that you all will ask any other questions, favors, etc. over e-mail, so as to keep this thread mainly the story.

...and to think, NeS is actually reaching some state of greatness. Never would have thought the day would come. Then again, Ante is actually progressing on stuff too. I guess that means Hell WILL freeze over.)

IS_ford1342

05-22-2002, 04:33 AM

will that continuity continue through to TACC? cause i was thining of doing soemthing like that.

Semievil333

05-22-2002, 01:56 PM

Quietly, carefully, and ever so dramatically, Maybe pulls out a coke and pops the top.

Coke can: Fsssshhh!!!

Sem: Fsssshhh?!?!?!

As Sem's neck snaps back and he stands up to his full height, Maybe throws the can at the nearest clown who catches it upside-down, spilling it onto J-Bob's newly polished floor. With stony, horrified looks on their faces Sem grabs Krig's axe and J-Bob grips his mop more tightly.

Sem, J-Bob: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Krig, still attached to the axe: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Moments later, Sem had his coke, The clown was lying in peices on the floor, organized neatly in the corner by size, the floor everywhere else was spotless, and Krig was dizzily walking in circles. The scene otherwise had returned to what it was before.

Maybe: I think I need more coke...

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

Michael MacFarlane

05-22-2002, 07:19 PM

I'm very interested, both in doing some voice work, and in helping with the script if needed.

KyleKatarn7

05-22-2002, 09:52 PM

Ditto

Krig the Viking

05-22-2002, 10:43 PM

*Hi, I'm the guy who did the voice of Grown-up Simba on the Lion King, and I'll be your narrator for today. The scene: The Legion of Spookay, also known as the Arena. A stadium carved from the interior of a volcano, formerly a place of much joy and peace and violence, but now it has been corrupted by evil forces, led by the dark and devious Muppet known as... Ernie. The volcano lies at the bottom of the sea, in the Bermuda Triangle, uprooted from its former home by the Legions of Spookay, now a home for swarms of evil of all descriptions. Inside a protective force-field, we find a collection of the most evil beings ever to exist, seated in a circle on the dusty floor.

There is Darkside, an ethereal amalgamation of every soul ever to be corrupted by the Dark Side of the Force; Farr, a bizarre looking mercenary type; Gettleburger's Keyboarding Teacher, lesser in power than some of the others, but greater in sheer evilness; Morris the Cat, who's not really evil but just eats a lot of things; "They", a nefarious fellow responsible for things like higher taxes, cigarettes, and pretty much all of Hollywood; and Phil the UGO truck driver, who hasn't really clued in yet that these other guys are evil and want to take over the world and make it an unhappy place to live. Farr reaches forward to the centre of the circle, shakes his fist around, and then releases a pair of dice, which land on snake-eyes.*

Farr (moving a game piece on a board): "One, two. Ooh! Sports history! I'm good at these ones!"

*Darkside reaches into a box and pulls out a little card. When he speaks, his voice sounds like a thousand souls screaming at once, crying to be free of their agony.*

Darkside: "Who won the Swedish Curling Championships in 1973?"

Farr: "Ooh, I know this one! Lemme think, umm..."

*Several yards away, a pair of bloodshot googly eyes watches the proceedings. It is Ernie, a muppet whose soul was once pure and good - but who has become corrupted and vile, even moreso than Gettleburger's Keyboarding Teacher. A grating, mirthless laugh escapes his lipless mouth as he speaks to a small rubber duckie he holds in his hand.*

Ernie: "Khee-hee-hee... So, my precious little duckie, my little duckie, do we have any further need for those Trivial Pursuit playing buffoons? I think that we do not, no, we do not. They have rebuilt my precious Arena, yes, rebuilt it. Their usefulness is ended, yes. We do not want their competition, do we, duckie? Of course not, of course not. Let us rid ourselves of them, then!"

*Ernie makes a fist with his hand, and the rubber duckie pops in a squeal of horror and also a squeal of escpaping air as it deflates into a pile of yellow rubber. Ernie stands up, raises his hands, and cackles at the group of villians.*

Ernie: "Goodbye, fools. Yes. Goodbye."

*Ernie makes a gesture, and a large trapdoor opens under the group of villians. The group hangs suspended for a moment, still playing Trivial Pursuit, then plumets downward into a dark, bottomless pit. The trapdoor snaps shut, leaving no trace of them. Suddenly, the bathroom door swings open, and Phil emerges.*

Phil: "Is it my turn ye--hey, where'd everybody go?"

Ernie: "Khee-hee-hee-hee-heeeeee! And now to begin my Master Plan!"

*Ernie walks out into the center of the Arena floor, where once the great Ares beat the less great RobX into a pulp. He raises his hands to the air, and shouts.*

Ernie: "Rise, my duckie legion! Rise!"

*There is a low rumbling, and then, from all corners of the Arena, from under the stands, from out of windows, from upturned hotdog stands, a flood of yellow rubber flows. Streaming towards the small orange muppet, the tide of rubber duckies surrounds him, squeaking with an intense fervour. The rumbling grows greater, and another part of the evil muppet's plan falls into place. The Arena begins to rise, up through the water, and surfaces in the blue-green Carribean waters of the Bermuda Triangle. Suddenly, a shadow falls upon the twisted muppet's evil visage.*

Ernie: "What is this?"

*From the top of the Arena, a dark cloud is descending, accompanied by the sound of a thousand flapping wings. Pigeons! From the midst of the cloud, a tall, thin, yellow muppet descends, help up by a phalanx of pigeons. He descends in front of Ernie, finally setting down on the ground. Fierce, googly eyes peer out from under a unibrow.*

Bert: "Ernie. We meet again."

Ernie: "Bert, Bert. You've not changed a bit."

Bert: "Frank Oz takes good care of those of us who have remained true to the side of goodness and purity."

Ernie: "That charletton? He is only using you to further his own goals, yes, his own goals!"

*Bert fixes Ernie with an indignant, piercing, googly-eyed stare, then continues.*

Bert: "I have come to offer you one last chance, Ernie. Return to Sesame Street! It can be as it used to be, an urban paradise where no-one except Oscar and sometimes Snuffulupugus is ever unhappy! Think of it, man!"

Ernie: "You know I'll never join you, old friend, no, never."

Bert: "Then it is as it must be. We will fight to the death. There can only be one victor."

Ernie: "Yes, yessss..."

************************************

*Meanwhile, in London, in the Hall of Heroes...*

Lt. Randy: "Well, that certainly was a great idea you had, MaybeChild! I don't think we'll be seeing Ares around for a long time now!"

MaybeChild: "Oh, why thank you, Randy. It was obvious, really.*

Lt. Randy: "Yeah. I just wish Steve Irwin had been able to get this stupid alligator off of my leg."

*The group of Heroes laughs collectively at Lt. Randy's joke.*

Lt. Randy: "Really, I'm not kidding guys. I think I might be getting gangrene in this leg!"

*The group of Heroes laughs collectively at Lt. Randy's joke.*

Galvatron: "Well, now that we've taken care of Ares, I guess we should go stop the Legion of Spookay from taking over the world, right?"

TheOtter: "Nah, I'm tired of saving the world. How 'bout we all take a vacation?"

Everybody: "Yaaayy! A vacation!"

Galvatron: "Um, but the Legion of Spookay is a threat to the world..."

TheOtter: "Oh come on, lighten up! They'll still be evil when we get back!"

Galvatron: "Maybe you're right. Let's have a vacation!"

*And so it was that the Heroes of NeS decided to take a vacation. After a large and very violent argument over where they should take this vacation, they decide to split up and go their separate ways. Well, they didn't so much decide to do that as they all got really pissed off and sick of arguing, and stormed out of the room in temper tantrums, but the end result is that they split into a bunch of little groups and scattered across the globe.*

*The scene: an airliner, soaring over the Pacific Ocean, on its way to Hawaii. Mick MacLongname and Losien sit side by side, looking into each others' eyes.*

Losien: "You know Michael, we've been sitting here looking into each other's eyes for the entire trip. That's like twelve hours, but it seems like it's only been moments! This is so romantic!"

Mick: "Yeah, it'd be a whole lot more romantic if I didn't drink that litre of Mountain Dew before we left."

*Meanwhile, a few rows behind Mick and Losien, the robot Galvatron sits next to the Pizza Delivery Guy.*

Galvatron: "Hey, shouldn't you be working? Y'know... Delivering pizzas an' stuff?"

Pizza Delivery Guy: "Shhh! Losien is saying something!"

*As Pizza Guy adjusts his eavesdropping spy-gear, Galvatron raises one robotic eyebrow and motions for a stewardess, to order himself a container of oil for his hinges, which have begun squeaking.*

*Meanwhile, Masetto, Otter, and MaybeChild are on a ferry going across the English Channel to France, leaning on the railing.*

Otter: "So, Maybe, when we get to France, you wanna get adjoining rooms? That way I can come into your room without having to go through the hallway!"

MaybeChild: "Why, oh why, did I have to get stuck with this raving lunatic??!!"

Masetto: "Hey! I resent that!"

MaybeChild: "I was talking about Otter."

Masetto: "Oh."

Otter: "Hey! I resent that!"

*Simultaneously (Hah! I avoided saying 'meanwhile' -- aw, crap, I just said it again, didn't I?), Kyle K, Gand, Spasm, MZZT, and Taz - in other words, the new guys - have just arrived in Newfoundland, unwittingly expecting a peaceful vacation in the wilds of Canada.*

MZZT: "I've always wanted to go to Canada. It's so peaceful and pure - a perfect place for a vacation!"

Kyle: "Say, any idea why all the airport security guys have red eyes and '666' tatooed on their foreheads?"

*Meanwhile (Oh I give up, the Meanwhile has won), Krig the Viking, Semievil, and Lt. Randy have just arrived in Sydney, Australia, and are waiting to go through customs.*

Randy: "Weren't we just here?"

Semievil: "Yeah, but that was business. This is pleasure."

Randy: "But we were just here..."

Krig: "Krig smell funny."

*Meanwhile, in the US of A, Phantom Master and Janitor Bob are strolling through the corridors of a top secret government laboratory.*

Phantom (in American accent) : "I think you'll like this next room. We call it the 'clean room.'"

*The two don surgical masks, step through a small lobby where they are blasted with air, and into a pristine white room, free of dirt or grime of any kind.*

Janitor Bob (with tears in his eyes): "I've never been so happy in my life..."

Wow! What an amazing sequence of events! Will these daring new plot twists be accepted by the general public? What will become of Ernie and his nefarious plans? Heck, I don't know, I'm just a temp! Until next time, I'm the guy who did the voice of Grown-up Simba, signing off!

*In the Hall of Heroes, the door swings open and a shorts-clad figure stands silloughetted in the light, carring several suitcases.*

TLTE: "Hello tovarishes! I am back from my vacation, da? Hello? Is anybody home? Hello? Hello? Aw, nuts."

(OOC: You new guys, in case you don't know why the airport security guys have red eyes and '666' tatooed in their foreheads, you should read my post on page 23, just after J-Bob's really long musical number. Really, if you want to post on this story, you should read the whole NeS from beginning to end, but that's up to you. It's not like it's an impossible task, mind you, the NeS makes for some good reading. :-) )

------------------
When the blind leadeth the blind.... get out of the way!

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited May 22, 2002).]

Fluffy

05-24-2002, 01:18 PM

Fluffy Now joins the story

------------------
Every Gun is Fluffy!

TheTwistedSpasm

05-24-2002, 02:11 PM

(NSP: If Fluffy is who I think he is, then I should warn the rest of the storytellers to run for cover. No offense to Fluffy.)

Hello, I'm that guy who did the voice of Bambi... what? Hey, shut up back there! I won't take any more crap from you, man! Ahem. Anyway, when last we left our Heros, they were... taking a vacation. Geez, is that all I get to read? Nuts. Oh wait, there's more! Somewhere in Newfoundland... Gosh, that was fun!

Spasm*looking around warily*: Um, guys, I didn't read pages 20-28, so I was wondering, is that evil demon still ruling Canada?

Taz *stares at Spasm, puzzled*: What demon? There was a demon?

KyleKatarn: You actually read it? How odd.

Fluffy(who just inserted himself into the story, surely causing a plot hole or five): Demons are fun! I wanna be a demon when I grow up!

*One of the security guys advances on the group*

Security Guard #1: You'll have to come with me please.

Gand: Like, peace dude, but uh, what'd we do?

Security Guard #1: You'll have to come with me please.

Spasm: Wait a minute, something like this happened before! *pulls out his printed copy of The Never-Ending Story*

Kyle: You know, if we were honest, law-abiding citizens we'd probably just do what the security guy told us to do.

*Fluffy chokes a little, and Taz laughs maniacally*

Security Guard #1(his voice taking on a hard edge): You'll have to come with me please.

*Spasm thumbs through the pages*

Security Guard #1*yelling*: You'll have to come with me please.

Spasm: I found it! Yeah, there was a bus, and security type guys, and then there was a lot of yelling, and, um... ow.

MZZT: Ow?

Gand: Like, uh, pain ow?

Spasm: Yep. Ow.

Taz: Oh goody!

Fluffy*sounding kinda hungry or somethin*: Pain...

Goodness me! What will become of the new guys? Will they be able to get themselves out of this awful jam? The next guy will have to answer those questions.

Fluffy

05-24-2002, 06:05 PM

*Fluffy Smacks Spaz For....being Spaz*

Fluffly:How are you taz?

Taz:Oh I was just over at the Portman post....kinda stupid....

Fluffy:You mean she aint hott?

Taz http://forums.massassi.net/html/redface.gifh no, she is a babe..

Fluffy http://forums.massassi.net/html/redface.gifh.....

*Slowly Spaz walks over*

Spaz:what are you guys talking about?

Fluffy:Oh nothing.....

Taz:yea....Nothing

Spaz:Oh i see

Spaz: I made a BIG bobo In JED today

Taz:Really?

Fuffy:Your parents made a big bobo 15 years ago!

Taz: AHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA

Spaz:that was low

Taz:But funny

Spaz:yea...I guess

*Fluffy starts to play with his lightsaber*

Taz:MY lightsaber is bigger than yourS!

Fluffy:Not uh!

Taz:whatever

Fluffy:You are just made cause I am better than you

Taz:I could beat you in a heart beat! what are you talking about?

fluffy:sure

*Spaz Pulls out his saber....Craking it down to the lowest setting,And then walking over and hiting fluffy with it*

Fluffy: WTF are you doin?

Spaz: I am bored!

Fluffy:WHAT? YOU WANT TO FIGHT!!!!!

------------------
Every Gun is Fluffy!

Who died and made YOU Darth Vader?

KyleKatarn7

05-25-2002, 12:07 AM

Heya, I'm the guy who did the voice of the slinky dog on Toy Story, and I'll be narrating today's story...

* Taz, Spasm, and Fluffy all prepare very busily, and noisily, for battle. Taz powers up, casting an eerie aura around the customs checkpoint leading to Canada. Fluffy, being the new guy, has no plot holes, and so he all he can do is try to persuade the security guard to hand over his rifle. Spasm ignites his saber and prepares for battle. *

Fluffy: "Awwww, come on, just for a second. I promise I'll bring it back with a full clip of ammo."

Meanwhile, taking advantage of the very large distraction for the poor security guard, Kyle sneaks stealthily up behind him, and whacks him with his datapad.

Kyle: "Great job guys, your plan went perfectly!"

Spasm: "Right...plan...Anyways, now that that crisis has been averted, what'll we do now?"

Will our heroes ever be able to figure out something useful to do? Will Gebohq ever return from his extended vacation in TACC? Will the narrator ever return from his vacation?

Narrator (sipping an umbrella drink in the Bahamas): "Nope."

Find out the answer to these questions more next time on The Never-Ending Story

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited May 25, 2002).]

TX3_Gandalf

05-25-2002, 05:02 PM

NSP: I feel so neglected, nobody wrote about me, sobs. Oh, and Taz check your E-Mail.
----------------------------
Gand: Did I forget to mention my dog crate is also a stereo with a wireless internet connection so that it can download MP3's while playing?*Cranks up his stereo and out comes...Mozart!*

RAM:TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!

------------------
TX3=The Tolkien TerrorsT times 3
>>----->
SBX ROCKS!!
()===@{=====>

TX3_Gandalf

05-25-2002, 05:06 PM

Taz I said E-Mail me.

------------------
TX3=The Tolkien TerrorsT times 3
>>----->
SBX ROCKS!!
()===@{=====>

Tanko

05-28-2002, 07:41 PM

What?

TheTwistedSpasm

05-29-2002, 09:44 PM

NSP: Where in the blue heck did everybody go? And why do I lack the energy to add anything useful? *sigh*...

Tracer

05-31-2002, 06:47 AM

NSP: I'd write, but I just moved and my internet connection isn't up yet. Tech support told me it'd be working yesterday, but it isn't...so that basically means that I can only post from school. I'll get back to posting once this is resolved.

TX3_Gandalf

05-31-2002, 01:57 PM

Gand: Yo Taz could you make an interdimensional portal to the realm of TACC for me?
Taz: Yeah, sure.*fires a large ball of energy at nothing causing a rend in the fabric of Space-Time*Why?

Gand: I'm bored, we need Geb. *Pulls out a longbow, an arrow and some rope from his backpack* Now all I need to do is tie this here rope to my arrow, secure the other end to Fluffy (he's expendable), put a message on it, and shoot the arrow at the conveniantly placed post by Geb's head and wait for them to respond.*Aims his bow and fires, after a few seconds he winces and hides behind Taz*

Spasm: Why'd you do that?

Gand: Backta heals everything man! I've got some in my crate!

RCOGA(Random Chick on Gands arm): Don't ignore spasm like that, it's rude.

Gand: Sorry babe.

------------------
TX3=The Tolkien TerrorsT times 3
>>----->
SBX ROCKS!!
()===@{=====>

TX3_Gandalf

05-31-2002, 02:11 PM

NSP:I Just realized we're in Newfoundland, Those dogs are so awsome, have ever seen a Newfoundland dog?

Gebohq

05-31-2002, 06:49 PM

(NSP: Don't worry--Geb and the others will show up in Canada after their little TACC thing, so stay put http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif Well, in Canada that is.)

Gebohq

05-31-2002, 08:46 PM

*Gand, Taz, Kyle, MZZT, and Fluffy watch as JorBo jumps through the portal, with the portal dissapeaing.*

JorBo: FINALLY! I've escaped hell!

Gand: Darn it all! You were suppose to be Gebohq!

JorBo: Er...oops? At least this isn't hell!

Kyle: I wouldn't be so sure of that...

*A dramatic camera pan to the hellish landscape known as Canada, chock-full of demons and whatnot. Just then, twenty arch-devils approach them.*

Arch-Devil #2: By the decree of the Great Diety of Evil--

Arch-Devil #1: Back in line! I talk first! I'm arch-devil number one!

Arch-Devil #2: Poo...

Arch-Devil #1: *clears throat* By the decree of the Great Diety of Evil known as Pate, you have been summoned to follow us as we take you to him.

Taz: I refuse.

*One of the arch-devils wraps Taz with an entire roll of duct-tape--using the DARK side of it.*

Taz: Mmm-mmmph!

Arch-Devil #2: Just be glad that the Evil Pate did not want you Telletubbitized!

MZZT: What's this Pate want with us anyways?

Arch-Devil #1: The Vile Pate and the Prime Minister of Canada, Mister High Demon, or is it High Imp... wishes that the "NeS heroes in his realm" be brought to him.

JorBo: *whispering to the other heroes* I have a funny feeling they mean Geb and the others.

Kyle: Perhaps we should do as they say, for now. We might run into Geb.

<<GEE! You guys are picking up on the REAL SUBTLE hints here REAL GOOD!>>

Arch-Devil #1: Who said that?

MZZT: Oh, don't worry about him. He's just our temp. narrator.

<<Temp. Narrator! I certainly do a blasted better job than that OTHER "narrator"! Let us find out how well these guys fend for themselves, here on the Never-ending Story Thread.>>

Gebohq

06-04-2002, 02:31 PM

B.U.M.P.!

(NSP: You'd think with so many writers on this thread this thing would be posted on more often...)

TheTwistedSpasm

06-05-2002, 08:02 PM

NSP: Well I'm sorry! I'm too lazy to do it, and besides, I don't remember enough about the hight demon. What page is he on, anyway?

TheTwistedSpasm

06-05-2002, 08:03 PM

NSP: Well I'm sorry! I'm too lazy to do it, and besides, I don't remember enough about the hight demon. What page is he on, anyway?

<edit>
oops.
</edit>

[This message has been edited by TheTwistedSpasm (edited June 05, 2002).]

KyleKatarn7

06-06-2002, 12:42 AM

(NSP: I've got writer's block on this...all I can think of is us standing around for hours with the demons asking "So...you like...stuff?" Which obviously doesn't get us very far. On a side note, we should really try to reach 1337 before the spooky taco thread. Not that it really matters or not, but they'd probably razz us about it if they won.)

Gebohq

06-06-2002, 09:41 AM

(NSP: LOL, hehehehehehe. I'm pretty sure any competition we might have felt we had with the spooky taco ended a while ago--besides, it's not like they post anything that's near any sort of semblence to story or anything (I should know--I still read it *shudder*)

As far as the High Demon is concerned, he's shown up a few times actually, but his first appearance (and first introduction into Canada) was first introduced about 16 posts down from the top of page 7, and really begins his own thing when Otter posted after that.

And new guys--you'r in Canada/hell now. It's a nice expance of demonic wilderness, and Geb &co. from TACC are bound to be in it soon *hinthintmylaststorypostcough*, so perhaps if you went on a journey to try and find them (after doing something about the 20 arch-demons around you), you'll find something to do. And Kyle--none of the older writers actually HAVE thought out their posts before writing them. We just start with something and see where it goes--so just use that idea of yours, comment on the weather, and just stop when you feel like it. Remember--NeS posts don't have to be long at all.)

Krig the Viking

06-06-2002, 09:57 PM

*Abord the ferry headed to France, three figures lean against the rail. Well, Otter and MaybeChild are leaning, Masetto is more hanging over the rail, wishing he hadn't eaten all that meatloaf before he left England.*

MaybeChild: "For the last time, Otter, I have absolutely no interest in you whatsoever! Leave me alone!"

Otter: "You say that, but you don't mean it. You're really quite unbearably attracted to me, I can see it in your eyes."

MaybeChild: "That's not attraction you're seeing in my eyes you feeble-minded half-wit, that's the urge to rip your throat out that I'm currently trying very hard to suppress!"

Otter: "Call it whatever you want, baby, but I know heart-throbbing passion when I see it."

*Just then, there is a crackle and the ship's captain's voice comes on over the loudspeakers, preventing the disgustingly greusome death of a certain hero. The captain speaks in that bored sort of tone that all captains speak in.*

Captain: "Ah, ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. If those of you who are on the deck would return to the hold as quickly as possible, we would be grateful. Nothing to worry about, really, except that I'm told that we've just been borded by a gang of pirates who don't look very nice. That is all."

Otter: "Pirates? I don't see any pirates..."

*Just then, a cannonball whizzes over Otter's head, knocking his bowler hat off.*

Otter: "Aaaaaaah! Pirates! Run for your lives!"

******************

*Meantwhile, in the dank and fetid depths of the Canadian Parliament Building, the New Guys are led by a couple of reddish-coloured blokes with horns and tails and nasty dispositions into the House of Commons. Formerly a place of political bickering and corruption, it has actually been improved by the sheer evil presence of the Lord High Demon. Which just goes to show that politics are worse than just about anything else.*

Kyle: "Gee, this place is really creepy."

MZZT: "Oh, I dunno, I kinda like it."

*A door opens and the Lord High Demon enters, walks over to a throne constructed entirely of human skulls, and sits down.*

High Demon: "What have these puny mortals been accused of?"

Not-so-High Demon: "Nothing, your Evilness."

High Demon: "Hahahahaha! Good! Execute them!"

Spasm: "Hey, you can't do that!"

High Demon: "YOU WOULD DARE QUESTION ME?!"

Spasm: "Uh..."

High Demon: "Hahahahahaha! I like this! I won't execute you after all! Instead, I'll do something much, much worse!"

New Guys: "Aaaaaaahhhhhh!"

Gand: "What fate could be worse than death?"

High Demon: "Take them away! They shall spend the rest of their lives in... The Reality Show Of Doooooooom!"

New Guys: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!"

Oh no! Will the Rookie Heroes be driven to death via insanity by being forced to participate in a Reality Show? Will the stress of being forced to interact with one another be too much for them? Which one will snap first? I don't know about you guys, but my money's on Taz! Why Taz, you ask? Actually, I'm not sure. I'm going with my gut. That's what they always say to do, right? Then again, I did just have a pastrami sandwich, and my gut isn't feeling quite as good as it should...

------------------
"The power to charm a snake
does you no good
if it bites you anyway." (Ecc. 10:11, CEV)

TheTwistedSpasm

06-08-2002, 12:00 AM

Hello, since that annoying narrator guy isn't back yet, I'll be your narrator for today! I'm the voice of the evil mirror thing in Cinderella, and by the way, I'm single... What? Oh, my lines. Right. *in a bored voice now* Somewhere, in the most hellish part of the hell that is Canada, our obnoxious new Heroes are about to be forced to participate in The Reality Show of Doooooooooom...

Spasm: Ain't it great guys! We aren't gonna get killed now!

Gand: Yeah, great. *more grumbling*

Spasm: C'mon, nothing is really worse than death! Well, except maybe my mom. Hm...

Kyle: Like we believe that.

MZZT: I believe it. *shudders*

*Spasm walks over to a Not-so-High-Demon and tugs on his sleeve*

Spasm: So, what do we do in this reality show? 'Cause I didn't like Survivor much.

Not-so-High-Demon: Oh, no, it's not like that.

*The Not-so-High-Demon smiles evil-ly and whispers something in Spasm's ear. Spasm lets out a horrible scream, the falls on the ground, unconscious.*

Not-so-High-Demon: *points at Taz* You! Carry him!

Taz: Aw man! Wait, here's a handy peice of cloth! At least I can gag the idiot.

What will happen next? Will our Heroes really have to participate in The Reality Show of Dooooooooooooom? Will they find a convenient plot hole and get away? Or will Spasm wake up, and subsequently go insane from not being able to talk? Find out next time!

Semievil333

06-08-2002, 03:06 PM

*Massassi Forums Building, NES offices, STW's office*

Carefully, unobtrusively STW looked around. How STW came to be in the offices is unknown, probably the work of conspiratorial anvils working under cover of darkness to return things to the way they were in the beginning of NES. Only one thing was sure: Sem had to get out. Why is unknown, like I said only one thing was sure. But he had to get out.

Dolefully gazing out the window STW notices the gas station across the street and gets an idea- suddenly looking remarkably like a cross between a hyper squirrel and a lizard walking across a frying pan, STW leapt out the window and crawled down the side of the building. STW proceeded to scamper stealthily across the street. So stealthily in fact that he was hit by inattentive drivers seventeen times in the process. Ultimately he died of his wounds and was only revived by a passing plot hole.

This is not his story.

But it is the story of those terrible, stupid drivers and some of their consequences.

It is also the story of a thread, a thread called The Never-Ending Story- not a discussion thread, never published on the discussion forums, and until those crazy drivers showed up (and probably long after), never seen or heard of by any sane person.

Nevertheless, a wholly remarkable thread.

But the story of these terrible, stupid drivers, the story of their extraordinary consequences, and the story of how these consequences are inextricably intertwined with this remarkable thread begins very simply.

It begins with an Arc.

(NSP: something for you all to toy around with, Geb you should recognize most of that http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif)

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

IS_ford1342

06-11-2002, 02:25 PM

i recognise it. its a parody of the books where my namesake came from.

Tracer

06-11-2002, 09:12 PM

INT. REALISTIC TELEVISION SOUND STAGE

*The 'new' heroes are situated in their apartment, which is furnished to reflect reality. They sit around and glare at each other, much like real-life roomies.

CANADIAN RADIO-TELEVISION COMMISSION EXECUTIVE
Yes, this is good, this is really, really good.

ASPIRING CANADIAN DIRECTOR
Fine, whatever.

CRTC EXECUTIVE
Is that the sound of a doubting Judas I hear?

ASPIRING CANADIAN DIRECTOR
This is garbage. When I proposed a 'miniseries about the real lives of Canadians,' I was thinking more along the lines of 'Canada: A People's History'.

CRTC EXECUTIVE pauses, and we can see the gears turning in his head as he works out a response to mollify ASPIRING CANADIAN DIRECTOR.

CRTC EXECUTIVE
We finish up at two, then we're off to shoot the 'Red Green Movie'.

ASPIRING CANADIAN DIRECTOR
I hate my life.

CRTC EXECUTIVE
Hush.

CRTC EXECUTIVE dangles a monetary grant cheque in front of ASPIRING CANADIAN DIRECTOR.

We move in for a close up of each 'new' hero, and then cut to the English Channel.

EXT. ENGLISH CHANNEL

The sounds of clashing swords and musket fire can be heard, punctuated by the occasional scream. The ferry boat moves into frame, and the sails of a pirate galleon are visible behind it.

EXT. FERRY BOAT

The camera cuts to a closer birds-eye view of the deck, and the writhing melee is plainly visible.

OTTER
Ye gads, they mean to kill us! What shall we do?

MICHAEL MCLONGNAME
I'm experienced in naval warfare! Our only chance is to get to a lifeboat and abandon ship!

LOSIEN
I see one over there!

We cut to a view of a life boat.

We cut to a three-quarter shot of MAYBECHILD, who is supporting a sickly MASETTO in one hand and wielding a sabre in the other.

MAYBECHILD
Alright, team, let's do it!

We zoom out far enough to get all of the 'old' heroes in frame, who immediately cower behind MAYBECHILD.

MAYBECHILD
(ad lib grumbling about GEBOHQ being on vacation in scenic TACC and having to do GEBOHQ's job)

Hefting MASETTO and her sword, MAYBECHILD defeats all of the PIRATES who attack the heroes. The 'old' heroes slowly proceed across the deck towards the lifeboat. Little skirmishes between the PIRATES and the FERRY CREW play out in the background.

We cut to the life boat.

MAYBECHILD (voice over, out of frame)
We're here! Everybody get in!

One by one, the 'old' heroes run into frame and board the lifeboat.

EXT. LIFEBOAT

MAYBECHILD
Krig! Cut us loose!

KRIG THE VIKING
(eats the ropes in half)

Cut to a shot of the lifeboat from the seaward side. KRIG unfastens the ropes and the lifeboat plummets to the ocean surface. We follow along in a track shot.

EXT. LIFEBOAT - OCEAN SURFACE

We cut to a shot of the pirate galleon and the ferry boat from the lifeboat. As the lifeboat begins to drift away from the two ships, the sounds of battle slowly fade out...

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited June 11, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited June 12, 2002).]

Shadowlord

06-13-2002, 03:15 PM

<<Now, to check in on our "new" heroes in The Reality Show Of Doooooooom! in Hell aka Canada.>>

Spasm: *recovering* Ooohh, my head hurts. What are we doing?

Taz: Joining The Reality Show Of Doooooooom!, if you remember.

Spasm: *starts screaming again* Oh, no! No! NOOOOOO!

Fluffy: Hmm. Wonder what his problem is.

Kyle: Beats me. Look over there!

<<Over on the other side of the room where our heroes have been unceremoniously led by the Not-So-High Demon, unbelievably beautiful and indescribably gorgeous women are stripping.>>

All our New Heroes: *drooling*

<<They all run over to the beautiful women - there are five for each of them, making twenty-five total - but suddenly run into a clear wall separating them from the strippers! Now they know why Spasm was screaming - or at least, they think they do. . .>> *ominously*

Gand: What could possibly be worse than this?

<<As if in answer to their question, someone else walks into the side of the room where the women are. A man, in a gray cloak and robe with black pools for eyes.>>

Man: Hi. I'm Shadowlord, and I will be your co-star on The Reality Show Of Doooooooom!

<<Shadowlord walks to the center of his half of the room, and the beautiful women surround him and->>

-=THIS POST HAS BEEN CENSORED TO KEEP IT TO AT THE VERY LEAST AN "R" RATING. IF YOU WISH TO VIEW THE UNEDITED VERSION OF THE REALITY SHOW OF DOOOOOOOOM!, THEN CONTACT YOUR LOCAL SERVICE PROVIDER, BY THE NAME OF HIGHEMPEROR, AND SWEAR ETERNAL FEALTY TO HIM, AND HE WILL SEND YOU THE UNCENSORED VERSION. WE NOW RETURN TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BROADCAST=-

All "New" Heroes: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<<Oh, dear, it would appear that these heroes have met a fate worse than death! Not to mention - something of Highemperor's dastardly plot, hinted at in the TACC realm, is becoming clearer! What will happen? Only time will- Screw this script! Only I will tell, because I am the Narrator right now! Duh! *grumbles*>>

------------------
The Lord of Shadows lives ...

Krig the Viking

06-14-2002, 04:27 PM

(OOC: Oops, I spy an error - Only Masetto, Otter, and Maybechild were on the ferry. The others were all spread around on their own vacations around the world, as detailed by one of my big long posts.)

------------------
"The power to charm a snake
does you no good
if it bites you anyway." (Ecc. 10:11, CEV)

CookedHaggis

06-19-2002, 07:51 AM

Just to let you know, TACC forums are still up (http://forums.commandchamber.net), so it's possible to post for NeS: TACC. So do so. Now. Or you'll make Geb cry. And no one wants that.

Besides Ares of course. But who listens to him anyway?

Gebohq

06-19-2002, 12:25 PM

(NSP: The original transcript of the side-story "NeS: A TACC Comedy" can be found here (http://forums.commandchamber.net/showthread.php3?s=&threadid=911&perpage=40&pagenumber=1) or you can read a copy of it below. Keep in mind the original dates which these were posted as well as that this copy looses italics, smilies, etc.)
-------------------------------------------
02-16-2002 12:02 AM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
NeS in the Realm of TACC
If you are reading this for the first time, and you know the TACC references well (being a TACC regular helps), please feel free to post for this thread (because you can't mess up NeS--it's thy nature, sort of like ANS I hear...), as the non-TACC regulars (like myself) need all the help we can get Thank you.

(NSP: Sorry, nothing here right now, as I'm rather tired, but I plan to put up something soon, though I give Absolver and/or anyone who's talked with Absolver or myself first to start this off. The basic premise will be a short tale of characters from The Neverending Story Thread over at The Interactive Story Board at The Massassi Temple (read Page 29 of it for current and important information regarding what the characters and flow of it are) come over and have their own adventure over here at TACC, where other TACC writers, such as CookedHaggis, AKPiggot, Chris Hill, muurgh, Wuss, and what have you can join in. If you have any further questions, please e-mail myself or Absolver about it.

Hope this will prove to be fun)

__________________
~Geb

Last edited by Gebohq on 03-25-2002 at 12:58 PM

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02-16-2002 07:20 PM

Gettleburger
Stormtrooper

Registered: Feb 2002
Location:
Posts: 5
*somehow finds himself in the realm of TACC..but yet a part of him is left in the Arena..weird.*

Gettle: 2 minutes here and I'm already bored..I think I'm going to take a nap...*ZZZZZzzzzzzzz*

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

02-17-2002 12:01 AM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Introduction
(NSP: Alright, let's see if I can start this up vague enough for others to follow after)

Within a bustling urban spaceport, found in the realm known as TACC, the story of life carries on as it normally does. That is to say, nothing very normal carried on. In a deserted alleyway though, something abnormal even in this realm appeared. That something was a mystical swirl, known to some as a plothole.

Spewing from the mystical swirl was a man wearing black pants and a blue shirt. His hair rivaled that of Mark Hamill's from Star Wars and Kevin Bacon's from Tremors. From all appearances, if one were to know such things, they would recognize him as someone from the realm of Massassi. As it was though, the only one that took notice of him was a cat, which had promptly bolted from the scene.

This man happened to be Gebohq, "leader" of the NeS heroes.

Gebohq: *grumble*...Stupid plot-hole wrinkled my shirt...

(NSP: Alright, my lazines kicked in again, so I only have up a character description. Same thing applies as before (Absolver, help me out here! lol) and yadda-yadda, blah blah blah...you probably get the idea. It'll spring off into another toaster/ANS/whatever story, with a NeS twist)

__________________
~Geb

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02-17-2002 10:18 AM

Gettleburger
Stormtrooper

Registered: Feb 2002
Location:
Posts: 5
Gettle: OH MY GOD! WHAT IS TH--.. oh. it's my reflection..yes, yes, I knew that.. *goes back to combing his hair*

*Gettle just "happens" to be in a moldy run-down apartment right above where Geb appears. Coincidence..? Maybe.*

*looks down out of a broken window*

Gettle: Geb!!!! What are YOU doing here?

Geb: No, what are YOU doing?

*Gettle looks at his script and notices it has a budweiser logo on it..suspicious*

Could this be a plot by the locol TACC budweiser brewery? Are we already getting in trouble? Why don't I let you think for yourself, you bratty brainless bags of burbiness!!!

Last edited by Gettleburger on 02-18-2002 at 07:52 AM

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02-21-2002 08:09 AM

Absolver
Stormtrooper

Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 8
Enter the Dragon-er, or me
*Suddenly, two dark-clothed men with shark smiles casually stroll into Gebohq, who is still scrutinising the effects of a plot hole on one's clothing, and force him into the alley wall. Gettleburger, seeing plainly what is about to occur, dons his smoking jacket and slippers, and grabs his pipe, before quickly leaving his apartment.*

Gebohq: Oof. Can I hel-

Mugger 1: Gimmee the cash!

Gebohq: Uh...you fellows aren't from a charity by any chance, no?

Mugger 2: Gimmee the cash or I'll stick ya!

*To emphasise the point, the mugger draws a nasty looking blade from his trenchcoat and holds it to Geb's abdomen.*

Gebohq: No thanks, I gave at the office.

Mugger 1:Ohh, a wiseguy, huh? Show him what we think of wiseguys, Vinnie!

*"Vinnie" produces a flow chart and an easel and convinces Gebohq, rather persuasively, that wise guys are in fact held in very low esteem, at least to the two of them.*

Gebohq: I see. Well, that was fascinating, and thank you very much for the complimentary mug, but I think I'd better be getting around to some sort of plot development in this thread-

*At this point, the muggers decide to cut their losses, and instead of pulling out the several-hour-long seminar on how they need Gebohq's money, kill him instead. Fortunately, as the blade arcs toward Gebohq's neck, a plot hole opens between the two men. Gebohq himself is flung unceremoniously into the mass of garbage cans and waste behind him, as sounds of a one-way scuffle echo to his position. Finally, the smoke clears, and he can make out the mobsters standing over a crumpled man clad completely in black, with a cape and sunglasses.*

Mugger 1: What an idiot! He couldn't even see us with those sunglasses on!

Mugger 2: Let's just geddoutta here!

*They stroll away, laughing. Gebohq kneels over the unconscious form of-*

Gebohq: Absolver!

Absolver: *Groan* As you were, Geb...

*Gebohq helps his ally up.*

Gebohq: What are you doing here?

Absolver: I knew you'd need some help in this story, so I took the perfect opportunity to step in and save you, but I..uh..didn't account for it being dark. Sorry.

*Gettleburger runs into the scene, puffing furiously on his pipe.*

Gettleburger: I say, chaps, where are those ruffians? I'll give them the what-for!

Absolver: Why have you got an obvious British theme to your character in this thread?

Gettle: I thought it rather fitting that one of us had an air of sophistication to him, old boy. What say the three of us mosey on up to my apartment for a glass of brandy beside the fire whilst we work out what a predicament we're in?

Gebohq: Sounds...good...I think....

Gettle: Jolly good. Tally-ho!

*He starts back out of the alley. Absolver and Gebohq shrug and follow him, just in time to miss the final plot hole open, and a familiar being of unspeakable evil follow them from a distance...*

__________________
Every 6 months, when I make my TACC bi-annual visit, I always have to re-register. Shame, shame, shame.

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02-22-2002 10:01 AM

JorBo
Stormtrooper

Registered: Feb 2002
Location:
Posts: 2
With a flash of light, another hero emerges from a Plothole.

A hero who needs no introduction...

JorBo: Then why are you introducing me?

Good point.

*JorBo spots The Being of Unspeakable Evil TM *

JorBo: Holy mother of all cows!!! What is that thing?

The BoUE turns around and glares at JorBo.
It's eyes are black as something black and are lit with some inner evil glow.

JorBo: It's a 3 foot gorilla with no hair and a eye!

The BoUE grins.
It's black and yellow teeth show through it's naked lips.
It knows that there is nowhere for JorBo to run.
The BoUE charges.

JorBo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Last edited by JorBo on 02-22-2002 at 10:04 AM

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02-22-2002 06:45 PM

Super C3PO
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: I am nowhere, yet SOMEWHERE!
Posts: 616
This story is getting nowhere. Guess it's up to me...

The BoUE attacks, but being only three feet tall (and obviously pathetically weak), it knocks itself out cold.

JorBo walks down the street. He feels a drop of water on his sleeve and looks up to see the clouds unleash a torrent of water. With nowhere to escape from the downpour, JorBo keeps on walking down the street. Suddenly, a limo pulls up next to JorBo and passenger door opens revealling Anthony Piggot (couldn't think of anybody else) wearing a very expensive suit with a martini in his hand.

AKP:Come in.

JorBo walks inside, keeping his hand on his gun; just in case things get... out of hand.

AKP: You must be the famous JorBo, the local mercenary.

JorBo: Yeah.

AKP: Would you be interested in doing a job for me?

JorBo: Why would you need a low-life like me to do a job for you?

Anthony sighs,
AKP: You know, it's not easy being the most famous editor around. Everybody looks up to you, tiny little people that don't mean a thing to me. But they provide me with an income, so I have to be careful that nobody else outdoes me.

JorBo: I'm listening.

AKP: An editor named Salv is making a level called GoF2. I have seen some pics and do not like what I see. I need you take care of him.

JorBo: How much will it pay?

AKP: Five-Thousand a day, plus expenses.

JorBo: ... Let me think about it.

AKP: Driver stop.

The limo comes to a stop near a derilict theater.

AKP: Hears my card. Let me know when you have decided.

JorBo Opens the door and walks out. After closing the door behind him, the limo drives off. He looked at the business card Anthony gave him.
-----
.Anthony Piggot
Proudly making the best levels since the early nineties.

Contact me at 697-5783 (made up)

-----

JorBo put the card in his pocket and went to see if there was anything worth watching in the theater

__________________
Always remember, kids, never post under the influence of sugar cookies.

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02-22-2002 07:22 PM

CookedHaggis
Commander

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 785
You know, I would've thought that Ant's business card would have his name spelled correctly...

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02-22-2002 11:40 PM

Super C3PO
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: I am nowhere, yet SOMEWHERE!
Posts: 616
Yeah, well it's his own dang fault!

__________________
Always remember, kids, never post under the influence of sugar cookies.

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02-23-2002 08:34 PM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
That thing called a "plot"
Within an abandoned and delerict room that seems to bear a strong resemblence to room in The Matrix where Neo first met Morpheus, Gebohq, Gettleburger, and Absolver sit comfortably. Absolver dons a pair of sunglasses and a very fashionable dark outfit.

Absolver: We have very little time, so I must be brief--

Gettle: Will we get to wear cool clothes and sunglasses like yours?

Absolver: Soon, my friend, soon. Gebohq, do you know where "here" is?

Geb: The mat--er--the realm of TACC, right?

Absolver: Do you know what your presence here means?

Geb: That I'm the Chosen one?

Absolver: Don't be stupid. No.

Geb: Well if you know so much, you tell me why?

Absolver: In due time. First, we must wait for another to arrive...ah, here he is now.

*The door opens dramatically, and lightning crashes, outlining the sillouette of a figure in the doorway. It was CookedHaggis, his formal attire drenched in rain.*

CookedHaggis: THERE you are! This place seems to have the crappiest weather at the worst times, and that happens more often than not. Come on now, I'm taking you two out of here.

Geb: Thank God. This realm was beginning to creep me out.

Absolver: CookedHaggis, I'm glad you could make it. Unfortunately, all the exits out of this realm have been cut off, so you all are stuck here.

Gettle: How did that happen?

Absolver: An old nemises of mine is the cause. I believe he is yours as well, Gebohq. He goes by the name of...BILL GATES!*more ominous lightning crashes, lighting the room in a temporary strobe effect.*

*Gebohq, Gettleburger, and CookedHaggis simutaneously gasp in horror.*

Absolver: Yes, him. And calling upon the other powerful and ancient forces of evil known in the realm of TACC, he has begun his first steps in attempting to once again try and conquor TACC and make everyone in it his slaves. We must stop him before he finds The Machine That Goes Bing! (TMTGB), a device that will give him immesurable Bing! powers!

Gettle: Oh, you mean this?

*Gettleburger whips out a device about the size of a Mousebot.*

TMTGB: BING!

Absolver: So...you are the Bingbearer foretold in the prophecies. You will forever be hunted by those that work under Gates, until we journey to his skyscraper stronghold in the heart of the TACC realm and...and...

Geb: And what?

Absolver: Look, I don't have all the answers here! I'm sure we'll figure something out when we get there.

Geb: Riiiight.

Haggis: Great. So let's just get the **** moving now and get this over with so I can get the **** back, alright?

Absolver: Wise words, CookedHaggis. You each should equipt yourselves with the proper equiptment before we make our way to his stronghold. On the way, we will encounter great obstacles, many enemies, bad TACC story formulas, even worse TACC cameo references, and perhaps, if we're lucky, we'll make it through with our sanities intact.

Haggis: That's a good one, Absolver!

*Absolver and CookedHaggis laugh hysterically. Gebohq and Gettleburger look at each other with worried expressions. Just then, JorBo enters the door.*

JorBo: Hmm....this doesn't look like the theater--MASTER GETTLE! There you are!

JorBo throws himself at Gettleburger's feet. Gettle exchanges more worried glances at Gebohq, and then hits his head.*

Gettle: Oh that's right. Since I'm the Bingbearer, I'm still taking on the cheap role of Frodo as well, and JorBo must still be taking on the occasional role of Samwise Gamgee. DAMN YOU LAZY WRITERS!

With a semblence of a plot now set in this story, what will happen to our hereos in the realm of TACC? Will Bill Gates succeed in enslaving the people of TACC, or will our band of hereos succeed? What new people and what new places will they meet along the way? Find out, in the next post of NeS visits the realm of TACC!!!! Ah, it's so good to be narrating like this again...

02-23-2002 10:46 PM

Super C3PO
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: I am nowhere, yet SOMEWHERE!
Posts: 616
...I see that my earlier post has no relavence to the story. Oh, well, might as well start another.

__________________
Always remember, kids, never post under the influence of sugar cookies.

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02-24-2002 12:03 AM

Gettleburger
Stormtrooper

Registered: Feb 2002
Location:
Posts: 5
/me valiantly tries to think of a decent reply...and fails miserabley..

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02-24-2002 06:21 PM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Non-Story Post
(NSP: Super C-3PO--Are you sure you can't incoorperate any of your posts in the story? The more writers the merrier Though I still haven't heard from Absolver if any of the other Toaster writers will be joining in or not. In any case, this is bound to be written rather slowly, so...um, yeah. And stuff.)

__________________
~Geb

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02-24-2002 07:36 PM

CookedHaggis
Commander

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 785
Absolver: "Ahem, as I was saying, we'll need to get the proper equipment before attempting a quest to Gates's stronghold. So, we need..."

Gettle: "..besides a miracle."

Absolver: "Well yes, what we need, besides a miracle, is..."

Geb: "Guns. Lots of guns."

Absolver: "Umm...no... Look, how many times do I have to tell you, wearing a black trenchcoat doesn't make you Neo."

Geb: "Aw, but..."

Absolver: "No. And gimme that bloody Matrix script too; you and Gettle need to think up your own damn lines."

Geb: "So anyway...the equipment we need is...?"

Absolver: "Um...well, to be honest, I don't really know. Let's just head out, I'm sure we would've remembered if we had to bring along something important."

Oooooh, foreshadowing....or just laziness on the part of the writer, I forget which

*So anyway, our hereos, all now dressed in designer clothing and clutching stylish mobile phones, exit the room, and journey out into the mystical land of TACC. Well, the misty land of TACC at any rate.
It starts raining, again, emphasising the noir-y stylings of this place. There's probably a monotone, narrating, private eye lurking around somewhere too*

*A gloomy half-light of a lampost, the paint peeling and the bulb flickering, where a figure moves into the beam, lazily picked out from the swirling mist, the yellow glow barely describing an outline.
Our heroes jump backwards in surprise, JorBo placing himself between the potential threat and Gettle.
But in a strictly platonic, friendly way you understand*

Haggis: "Oh no..."

*The figure steps closer to the main party, fedora disguising half his face in shadow, the corks dangling from it obscuring his features still further*

Haggis: "Of all the interactive stories, on all the forums, in all the world; you had to walk into this one."

Matthew Pate: "I would say "G'day" Haggis, but we both know I wouldn't mean it..."

Oooooh, a pointless TACC cameo, and only half a dozen or so posts in. And a *******ised quote from Casablanca, plus even more foreshadowing. It's getting pretty exciting now, isn't it?

And you're supposed to say "yes" you ungrateful lot...

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02-25-2002 04:28 PM

Super C3PO
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: I am nowhere, yet SOMEWHERE!
Posts: 616
(I didn't think it would, besides, I like where it is going now)

__________________
Always remember, kids, never post under the influence of sugar cookies.

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02-27-2002 09:46 AM

Absolver
Stormtrooper

Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 8
*Absolver's eyes narrow as he spots Pate. He steps in front of the crowd, knuckles cracking as his hands drift over the one pistol he remembered to pack.*

Absolver: I have this one.

CookedHaggis: Don't be insane, he's uber-powerful. And Australian. You won't even be able to understand him, let alone defeat him...

Absolver: No, you don't understand. You see-

*A booming thunderclap echoes across the thread.*

Absolver: I, Absolver...am ALSO AUSTRALIAN!

*Mingled looks of astonishment, disgust and shock flit over the faces of all but CookedHaggis, who nods and pats Absolver on the back.*

CookedHaggis: I understand. I've put up with the Scottish jokes for years. Do what you have to do.

*Absolver looks back at him, and grins.*

Absolver: Thanks, Haggis. You know what to do-protect the group from Gates. Avoid him at all costs!

*Haggis nods, and takes off, leading the still-stunned group down the nearest alleyway. Meanwhile, Pate and Absolver face off, two Aussies at war.*

Pate: Where exactly in Oz are ya from?

Absolver: West Coast. However, unlike you, I can speak in a universal tone without betraying my ocker-ness.

Pate: We'll see how much good that will do you in battle, mate...

*And then suddenly, pistols are in his hand and Absolver enters Bullet-Time...*

__________________
Every 6 months, when I make my TACC bi-annual visit, I always have to re-register. Shame, shame, shame.

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03-03-2002 01:16 AM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Enter Highemperor
(NSP: Because I couldn't think of an actual story-advancing post to do right now, and because I'm still hoping that Wuss or muuurgh will post soon, I'm filling in a request by a fellow NeS writer to introduce him in so he can help out. Here goes nothing...)

*Back at the alleyway that Gebohq first appeared through, a cat was pawing through the garbage can in search of food. The cat had been through severe psychological damage recently, when it saw a giant portal open some time ago, but having little memory and needing food, the cat had ventured back to the alleyway.*

*Just then, a mystical swirl appeared again, and the cat darted off, psychologically damaged once again, for at least a week. From the swirl appeared a man garbed in black, with an air of power, somewhat resembling Jerec. In the realm of Massassi, some would know him as a new member of the NeS heroes. His personal motives still were unknown to others though, and though was not unknown in the realm of TACC, his motive here was unusual. And unknown. Yes, much unknown in this one. Anger, yes. Fear...*cough* er...*

*This man was known as Highemperor.*

Audience member: Finally! You only took two lifetimes to get through that! I want to see action now! I'm bored!

*Highemperor turns and electrifies the audience member to death.*

Thanks. He was getting on my nerves.

Highemperor: No problemo. Er--*clears throat, speaks with a more intimidating tone*Hmm...now to find Gebohq...

Good bye then.

Highemperor: By-ee. Er--*cough* until next time then...

*Highemperor walks out of the alleyway and into the shady spaceport street, turning around a building and out of view.*

Great, ANOTHER joins this God-forsaken quest. Who will join NOW? What does Highemperor plan to do? Will Gebohq and the others ever DO anything? Maybe. You're just going to have to wait and find out, won't you? Nyea! ...why yes, people HAVE told me I don't have very good people skills, why do you ask?

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03-04-2002 10:33 PM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
test
Show my post! Stupid forum still says Absolver has the last post....

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03-14-2002 10:29 PM

Highemperor
Stormtrooper

Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
As our heroes continue throughout the realm of TACC, moving away from the battle between Matthew Pate and Absolver, Gebohq stops the party.

Gebohq: You know, I think we have to destroy TMTGB, in keeping with the blatant Lord of the Rings rip-off.

TMTGB: Bing!

Gettle: No! My precious, my precious!

Gebohq: Give me that bloody LotR script. Think up your own dang lines.

Gettle: Then YOU have to give ME that bloody Absolver script!

Geb and Gettle engage in a fist brawl. Meanwhile. . .

Highemperor: Well, this is a dismal, dreary, hellish world that no one sane man would set foot in. Yep, must be where Geb is!

He wanders off in search of Geb. Meanwhile. . .

*Cranky audience member stands up and says, "Enough with the meanwhiles! They get old!" and is immediately zapped by Highemp*

Highemp: Didn't you all learn your lesson the first time?

Erm, yes, anywhos. . . Mea- *cough* Er, going on, Geb wins the fistfight. . .

Geb: *whew* Alright. NOW - we're going to destroy TMTGB in the fires of Mount Micro!

Audience: Mount Micro? Where'd you get THAT name?

Geb: Mixed up Mount Doom and Microsoft. Obviously.

Audience: Riiiiight.

Geb: Ah, shaddup. . . Anyway, we need a car.

Around the corner comes another pointless TACC cameo. . .

Pointless TACC Cameo: Hello, Michael!

Audience: Not the KNIGHTCAR! That was an old joke that went out of style ages ago!

KnightCar: *to audience* Hey to you, too, Michael!

*Geb, Gettle, and JorBo jump into KnightCar ("Hi, Michael, Michael, and Michael") and drive off to Mount Micro*

JorBo: THAT'S Mount Micro? It's. . . well. . . tiny!

KnightCar: Why do you think they call it Mount Micro, Michael?

Geb: Alright. Time to stuff TMTGB down Mount Micro.

TMTGB: Bing!

*Geb tries to stuff TMTGB down Mount Micro*

Several hours later. . .

Geb: Huff. . . puff. . . Trying to stuff a machine down a mountain the size of an anthill doesn't seem to be working. . .

Oh, no! What will our heroes do now? Will more pointless TACC cameos come in? What has become of Absolver? Will I ever shut up? The answer to the last question is NO! Though of course you'll have to tune in to find out the others. . .

__________________
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena at The High Citadel.

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03-19-2002 02:45 PM

Gettleburger
Stormtrooper

Registered: Feb 2002
Location:
Posts: 5
(Leave my TMTGB alone! You *******s! )

*Looks on forlornly as Geb futily attempts to push TMTGB into a little anthill*

*Cue JorBo come in with a shovel*

JorBo: I'm here!

Gettle: What's with the shovel?

JorBo: What do you think, dummy! *hits Gettle over the head with the shovel and starts digging up Mount Micro*

-=:{several hours later}:=-

Geb, Gettle, and JorBo: OOOOOOO...

*There's a big hole in the ground..obviosly..and inside is...*gasp*..*

What in the world could JorBo have dug up? Is it an ancient civilization? Or perhaps it's an evil villains base! Well it's Geb's story, not mine, so we'll let him decide..But anyways, Find out what it is next time on NeS:TACC!

Last edited by Gettleburger on 03-21-2002 at 01:33 PM

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03-25-2002 12:54 PM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
The plot thickens... No wait, we don't have a plot...
(NSP: Gee, thanks Gettle. You should know by now that I'm lazy and want everyone else to post Er...anywhos...)

Gebohq, Gettleburger, and JorBo stare down the hole that was once Mount Micro, oogling in amazement.

Geb, Gettle, and JorBo: OOOOOOOOooooo...
er...
uh..

*cough* They were oogling in amazement aaaaat...

Geb: What?

I don't know, you're suppose to fill in the blank here.

JorBo: But we can't tell what we see.

So you just see a mysterious dark void--

JorBo: No, I mean nothing. I don't know what to call it, except nothing.

audeince: BOO! Bad "Neverending Story"-movie reference!

ZAAAAAP!

Highemp *off some distance still*: Sheesh, don't they ever shut up?

*The camera goes back to the others*

JorBo: ...Well?

Well what?

JorBo: Aren't you going to make up something for us to see? Being the NARRATOR and all?

Gettle: Yeah, I'd rather not just go jumping into a big hole of nothing. Only an idiot would do that!

*Geb then stops to consider NOT jumping in, as he only likes to be a coward, not an idiot.*

Look now! Just because I'm the Narrator doesn't mean I can just make things happen!

JorBo: Yes it does--

SHUSH! *cough* It's, uh...the writer's job to figure it out. Yeah! I only work here!

Geb the writer: Stupid narrator...fine, I'll figure something out.

Everyone else: Yay!

Geb the writer: Eenie-meenie-minie-moe...

Gettle: Er...Mr. writer-god-type that controls the fate of my life?

Geb the writer: Yeah?

Gettle: Whatcha doin'?

Geb the writer: I'm choosing between "Ancient civilization" and "Evil Villian's Base", what's it look like?

JorBo: Great! He can't even come up with his own ideas...

Geb the writer: Hey, watch it! I could leave you to Piggott's devices in one of his ANS threads!

JorBo: NOO! Not that! Anything but that! I'll be good, really!

Geb the writer: That's better. Alright...after using my SUPERIOR methods of concocting an idea, I've decided that you all will find....an evil villan's base.

Gettle: But I wanted to explore an ancient civilization!

Geb the writer: Too bad! And while I'm at it...

*Using his powers over the thread, Geb the writer cuts out Highemperor from his position and pastes him back with the others.*

Highemp: Well that was rather unsettling. I'll have to deal with someone when this is over...

Geb the writer: There. Now go explore the evil villian's base then. And don't bother me anymore!

*With that, the eerie non-descript invisible presence of Geb the writer dissapears from the group.*

....sooo....our hereos descend down the hole to explore the evil villian's base--

JorBo: You first! I'm not going down there!

Highemp: Honestly, you're all a bunch of cowards--

Geb: Indeed. It's a specialty of mine.

Highemp: ...cowards. I'm not afraid!

Gettle: We don't have mysterious powers like you, big guy.

Highemp: Point taken. Just follow me then.

Everyone else: Right.

Geb: I wonder if we'll see Absolver again...

As Highemperor leads the band of hereos deep into the evil villian base inside a volcano, the evil villian lurks, devising his own plans.

Bill Gates: Excellent...my plans of domination over the realm of TACC are coming well: long, slow, and exciting.

Lackey #1: *cough* *snicker*

Gates: What?

Lackey #1: Nothing sir!

Gates: What about it?

Lackey #1: The NeS heroes have broken the "nothing shield" that blocked the entrance through Mount Micro, and have survived numerous TACC references.

Gates: Hmm...well, they still have otehrs yet to pass before I have to worry about them. Continue with your work then.

Lackey #1: Yes sir. Permission to speak freely?

Gates: *sigh* Yes?

lackey #1: What is it with you, and most other evil villians for that matter, with building their secret bases inside volcanos?

Gates: Free heating. Looks good on the "Evil villian" resume too.

lackey #1: Oh.

What other bad TACC references will be made? Will our heroes be able to stop Bill Gates in time? What role will "The Machine that Goes Bing" play in this story? Find out next time on "The Neverending Story Thread: The TACC saga"

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03-25-2002 03:21 PM

Ford1342
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
TMTGB: Bing!

suddenly just as The machine that goes bing goes Bing! there is a bright flashof light. within it a figure appears

Ford1342: Aw for chrissake, what now?

you have just been transported to the unerground fortress of Bill Gates!*lightning crashes*

Ford: i thought you said we were underground...and who the hell are you anyway?

ah hell i need a nap im going home you guys explain it

Geb: look what youve done, the narrators gone and left us now.

Ford: sorry, wont you guys explain to me whats going on here?

will Geb and his gang ever make it all the way inside Gates' fortress? will Ford1342 ever get a clue? wil TMTGB go..

Ford: i thought you said you were going home!

i..uh...well. um...bye!

(NSP: wellthat introduces me so i will be able to post some more later. ha ha!)

__________________
May the Farce be with you.

Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!

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03-25-2002 03:24 PM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
And there was much rejoicing.
Yay!

Thanks for joining in Ford I wonder where Absolver went off to. Haven't heard from him in a while...

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03-25-2002 11:44 PM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Because I like to avoid plot holes when I can...
Gettle: How queer...

*Everyone gives Gettleburger a strage look.*

Gettle: I have a British accent, remember? Which means I'm saying that something is odd.

JorBo: Riiiiiight. Look, I might be compelled to protect you, the Bingbearer, at all costs, but if you start saying things like that--

Gettle: Oh now come now--

Highemp: Quiet! There will be no "coming" here!

*Everyone stares at Highemperor with even stranger looks than there were towards Gettleburger.*

Highemp: *cough* What were you going to say?

Gettle: Well, I was jsut wondering where CookedHaggis was. Wasn't he suppose to be with us?

*Just then, a growing yell could be heard above them. They looked up, to see CookedHaggis falling.*

Haggis: ...stupidmotherf***ingbEEEEEEEETCH!!!!!!!!

*Haggis lands with a "thud" next to our heroes.*

Haggis: Stupid Knightrider car...

Geb: Should I ask what happened?

Haggis: No.

Geb: Right then.

Gettle: --Er, pardon the interruption, but I was also curious about whether the evil villian stronghold was in a skyscraper or in this volcanic base?

Geb: Probably both, with our luck.

Haggis: I just want to get the f*** out of here!

Geb: Right...I wonder what the long-distance fees would be to call to Massassi on these mobile phones...

__________________
~Geb

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03-26-2002 07:07 PM

CookedHaggis
Commander

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 785
Geb: "Right...I wonder what the long-distance fees would be to call to Massassi on these mobile phones..."

CookedHaggis: "I dunno. It's never come up before. I mean, who the hell would want to phone Massassi?"

*Everyone stares at him*

CookedHaggis: "Uh...present company excluded of course...except Geb, bloody eejit forcing him into these silly adventures..."

Geb: "Huh?"

CookedHaggis: "Er...nothing...just muttering to myself in a vindictive manner."

*So our hereos progress down through the tunnel, and reach their goal: The bad guys' hidout, a Super Skyscraper built within a volcano. Which looks as bizarre as it sounds*

Gettle: "Woah. That looks really bizarre."

*See? Anyway, they're all standing there, wondering what to do next, when Geb realises something*

Geb: "Hey look, you can get porn via mobile phones now!"

*Ahem. When Geb realises something a little more tasteful and a little more relevant.
Sort of.
A bit.
Well not really, but at least it doesn't involve porn*

Geb: "Hey, I just realised something..."

Gettle: "Yeah, the porn thing, you just said..."

Geb: "No, I mean about the story. We haven't had a pointless film reference for a while."

Ford: "Oh great. Because what we really need now is another useless deviation that confuses things..."

Geb: "Well, I was thinking more along the lines that we'll have to storm that big sky scraper thingy filled with thousands of guards in a minute..."

*Everyone nods. After a while, the whole heroic deal sort of loses any sense of surprise*

Geb: "Well, the film that did that best (or at least most recently) was the Matrix. Which means kung-fu, guns and leather for everyone!"

Gettle: "Mmmm...Kung-fu."

Ford: "Mmmm...guns."

Haggis: "Mmmm...leather...uh...I mean...Mmmm bullet time."

*So through that mystical force known only as "poorly written spoofing", the camera spins around and now our hereos are decked out in Gucci suits or full length trench coats, ray-bans shielding their eyes from the uncomprimising glare of the dark cavern..um...well, at least they look cool*

Gettle: "Damn I look good."

Ford: "Hey cool, check out this Uzi!"

Geb: "Uh..guys...the whole storming the sky scraper thing...?"

Gettle: "Oh yeah. Sorry. Damn I look good in black."

*Music starts playing. Our hereos swagger through the automatic doors and...*

Gettle: "Wait!"

Geb: "What? Can't you see we were about to start running up walls and shooting stuff in slow-motion?"

Gettle: "The doors closed on my trenchcoat, and now I'm stuck..."

03-26-2002 08:43 PM

Ford1342
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
Ford: Do you like cool breezes gettleburger?

Gettle: yeah sure. why?

Ford: good.

*he commences the take his Uzi and shoot the back of his coat off.*

Ford: Problem solved. Moving on.

Gettle: ...

*the posse of rather well dressed hodlums (with the exception of course of Gettleburger, the git) swagger int the lobby where 50 or so gun toting computer nerds appear out of nowhere.*

Geb: *takes three deep breaths* Its Showtime!.

(NSP: well that about does it for my ideas right now i knwo where its going but i dont know where you guys want to take it. ill let the experianced professionals handle this.)

__________________
May the Farce be with you.

Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!

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03-27-2002 08:03 PM

Highemperor
Stormtrooper

Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
Dante's NES-in-the-realm-of-TACC Inferno
The computer nerds start shooting. Cue slow motion time. Geb runs for the wall. . . puts a foot up on it. . . walks up onto the wall, Matrix-style, pulling out his gun. . .

. . . and promptly falls onto the floor.

Absolver: I TOLD you wearing a black trenchcoat doesn't make you Neo!

Geb: Aw, but - hey! How did you get here? I thought you were fighting Matthew Pate!

Absolver: Ummmm. . . plot hole?

Gettle: Um, guys? *points at gun-toting computer nerds, who are still shooting*

Highemperor, his entire body crackling with blue electricity, rises into the air-

Highemp: Hey, wait a second! I can do whatever I want; I don't need a narrator to do it for me!

As if. I'm the NARRATOR. Telling people what they're doing is my JOB.

*the narrator is promptly zapped by Highemp*

Highemp: Now then. Hmm, what to do? You know, come to think of it, what the Narrator was doing was a pretty good idea-r. . . *rises into the air, his entire body crackling with blue electricity, and zaps all the computer nerds*

JorBo: Hey! Now what are the rest of us supposed to do?

Highemp: *muttering* Being obeisant slaves would do for starters. . .

JorBo: What was that?

Highemp: Nothing.

Geb: Riiiight. Anywhos, let's get goin'. *notices a flicker of movement out the corner of his eye* Was that an imp I saw?

Gettle: You mean like a demon? Probably.

Geb: What's a demon doing in Microsoft?!

Gettle: Well, Microsoft is in the First Circle of Hell.

Geb: Somehow, I'm not surprised.

Gettle: When Gates put out "Asheron's Call" to compete with Everquest, the whole thing went straight to Hell. [thanks to Sem for that idea]

*Everyone promptly laughs their heads off*

Gettle: *as others pick their heads up off the floor* Wha-at? It's true!

TMTGB: Bing!

All but Gettle: What?

Gettle: It said, 'Do we dare descend further into the depths of Hell?'

JorBo: I dunno. If Microsoft is only the First Circle of Hell. . . what's the NINTH Circle like?

*General silence reigns for a moment. Then-*

Geb: PORN!

*Everyone gets excited and immediately starts going further into the depths of Microsoft/Mount Micro/Bill Gates's Skyscraper/Hell*

-----

Okay, my idea is that we can have our "heroes" descend throughout the Nine Circles of Hell, as per Dante's Inferno, but that the circles are NeS-ized.

__________________
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena at The High Citadel.

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03-30-2002 09:18 PM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
NeS' Virgil
(NSP: Snifty idea, Highemp! For those (like myself) who would like a site/guide of the maps of the circles of Hell in Dante's "The Divine Comedy", here's a link:

http://www.arches.uga.edu/~redman/hellhigh.html

By no means do the NeS circles of hell have to be similar to the ones in Dante's, but it's a helpful guide for us lazy folks who don't like to think of terribly original ideas If you have read NeS, the circles of Hell don't have to be strictly TACC-related. In their new detoured quest for porn, this side-quest should end around/about when they reach the final circle (where our NeS regular heroes will return to the main NeS thread). I'm interested myself to see what the heroes will encounter, and will try to add another post of my own sometime next week (week after Easter--how approriate, eh?) Now to see if I can get some Toaster writers to add their bit to this...)

__________________
~Geb

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03-30-2002 10:47 PM

Highemperor
Stormtrooper

Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
Alright, just to clarify, Bill Gates and Microsoft are only the FIRST Circle of Hell. There are eight more circles. And I have a great idea for the Ninth Circle, so when we get there, please let me write it! Thanks!

__________________
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena at The High Citadel.

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04-01-2002 09:05 AM

Absolver
Stormtrooper

Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 8
*Meanwhile, Absolver and Pate's frenzied (not to mention cliched) battling has taken them to the rooftops of Microsoft. Amid the vast sprawl of ventilation fans and sheer drops, they blend together a crude parody-duel of just about every action movie held dear in today's society. And then some.*

*Suddenly, Pate whips out a sniper rifle and shoots Absolver squarely in the chest. The hero groans and topples over. S******ing, Pate moves over to investigate, but is surprised and elbowed in the face by Absolver, who backflips to safety.*

Pate: Impossible!

Absolver: Not so! You see, I was wearing a plot-hole vest!

Pate: You can't win! I'll defeat you eventually...and then who will protect your precious allies???

Absolver: Er...Haggis?

*They both stop and go into hysterics at the suggestion.*

Pate: Seriously, though, I think I'll have to kill you now.

*He leaps in and backhands Absolver, who flips and grabs onto the parapet, staring up at the triumphant villain.*

Pate: It's a damn shame I have to kill you, not many people appreciate the Aussie jokes around here.

Absolver: You mean classics like, "Look! A dingo! And he's got your baby!"?

Pate: What? Where?

*He turns, and Absolver grabs his foot, pulling them both over the edge. Absolver falls five hundred feet into a parked pillow cushion truck.*

Absolver: Ahh...

*Pate, conversely, falls five hundred feet through three hundred stories of the Microsoft building, hitting the lobby floor and continuing through into the Underworld below. Absolver enters through the front door and gazes down.*

Absolver: NeS help me...

*With a primal scream, he leaps into the Pate-shaped dent...*

__________________
Every 6 months, when I make my TACC bi-annual visit, I always have to re-register. Shame, shame, shame.

Last edited by Absolver on 04-01-2002 at 09:15 AM

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04-03-2002 06:04 PM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Within the skyscraper stronghold that lies in the center of Gates' evil Microsoft underground volcanic base a.k.a. first circle of Hell, Gebohq, Gettleburger, JorBo, CookedHaggis, and Ford follow behind Highemperor as they trek further into the depths of Hell.

Gettle: Blimey! How many more doors do we have to walk through to get anywhere in this place?

Ford: One more, I would guess.

Highemp: Why do you say that?

Ford: We've gone through six so far. Trust me, I know these kind of things.

*Highemperor opens the last door to reveal a chamber with an elevator marked "Elevator into Hell" off to the side.*

Geb: Woah, deja vu.

Haggis: For crying out loud Geb, you're NOT NEO!

JorBo: No, you don't understand Haggis. The two of us have been here before.

Haggis: Uh...o-k...

Highemp: Curses!

Geb: What?

Highemp: I can't open the elevator doors. It's locked with a Microsoft program.

Gettle: I thought you could just blast the thing open.

Highemp: Microsoft is an vile and evil power beyond reproach. Besides, the Windows program on here alone is wretched enough to make me want to go insane.

*murmers of understanding arise from the heroes.*

Ford: We will have to seek Gates then, who can let us pass.

Haggis: We can't do that! He'll destroy us before letting us pass!

Ford: We'll find a way yet.

Geb: Anything is possible when you put your mind to it! ...and when it's porn we're after.

*more murmers of agreement arise from the heroes.*

JorBo: Uh, guys?

Highemp: Let's get the evil Gates then!

Everyone else: Yeah!

JorBo: But--but--

*JorBo tries to point out the large Pate-shaped hole in the ground to the others, but none realize it as they go off to another elevator to take them upwards. Sighing hopelessly, JorBo follows them into the elevator.*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, near the top level of the skyscraper stronghold, Bill Gates is interrupted once again by one of his lackies.

Lackey #2: Uh, sir?

Gates: *sigh* What is it?

Lackey #2: It's about the heroes. They are in an elevator to this level sir, and they are searching for you.

Gates: Sheesh, don't they ever leave me alone? Let them come. I shall deal with them myself.

Lackey #2: As you wish.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*As the heroes reach their floor, they exit the elevator, guns locked and loaded. However, all they see is Gates sitting at his desk. The group approaches him, wary of any traps that may be ready to spring on them.*

Gates: We meet again, but this time, the advantage is mine. I believe I have something you wish to have, yes?

Geb: You must let us pass into the depths of Hell, Gates.

Gates: Oh? And why is this? In my plans to conquor the realm of TACC through entrapping it and thus expanding my domain within this circle of Hell, you have only served to try and stop me. Why then, would I let you descend further into the depths of Hell and escape, possibly destroying my resources in the process and ruining my plans to conquor TACC?

Ford: Higher powers than your own wish us to continue, that is why.

Gates: HA! WHat higher powers? God?

Ford: No, the writers!

Gates: Damn...grr....fine. *tosses them a keycard.* Get out of my site.

Geb: No elaborate fight scene? No wild stunts? No bullet time? *sniff*

Haggis: There there, Geb. That'll come later, don't worry.

Geb: Yay!

Gates: Don't think you've got it easy, fools. I still have my ways, and my time.

Highemp: Yeah yeah, whatever. Let's get going.

*The heroes, keycard in hand, descend back to the floor with the elevator into hell. Swiping the card, the elevator opens, allowing them to descend further. When the elevator stops, they find themselves within a large expanse, filled with nothing but--*

Geb: PORN!!!!

*Geb, as with the others, dive into the mountains of porn, only to realize the horrid truth.*

Gettle: This isn't porn! Horribly disgusting women, vile acts of Discovery-style animal action, it's....it's...

Geb: It's pr0n! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Someone will pay for this!

With our heroes having discovered the second circle of hell to be nothing but pr0n, what will they do? Will they return to their quest of stopping Gate's plan to conquor the realm of TACC through myseterious methods involving the heart of hell and TMTGB? Or will they descend further in hopes of finding porn in the final circle? Tune in next time to find out, here on The Neverending Story Thread: The TACC Comedy!

(NSP: Some ideas for other circles: the band Styx playing the Mr. Roboto song in the fifth circle, somewhere else to have the Hell music that they had in the JK purgatory level, the demon Dave from the Toaster series in one of the levels, Absolver and Pate's fall into Hell having similar effects as Christ's descent into hell (in other words--having things broken), whomever would be in the ninth level to have overthrown Satan to get the position, things of that nature Hope this post didn't ruin anyone's wishes.)

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04-14-2002 10:57 PM

Ford1342
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
NSP:i dunno i think Sail away would be more appropriate.

Geb: It's pr0n! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Someone will pay for this!

the groups trembles in fear at the sight of all the p0rn. something suddenly occurs to ford.

ford: hey something suddenly occured to me.

i just said that

Ford: oh sorry. well anyway i jsut remembered i brought my cheshire zippo with me we can burn our way through it.

Haggis: He he he he ...FIRE! he he he...

Ford whips it out

Geb: Ewwww gross!

not that you idiot!

Geb: Oh.

As i was saying. ford takes out his lighter.

Cheshire Zippo: what do you want i was just sitting down to a nice dinner with the walrus (goo goo ga joob hey)

Ford: yeah we kinda need to get through al this p0rn, and i was wondering i you could burn it for us.

ChesZip: Oh heavens no, not only is p0rn inflammable, i just l0ve it. i know i know youre all looking at me with disgust

the group looks at him in disgust

ChesZip: But...youll notice i do not love it i merely l0ve it, its like a secret addiction. god my concious brain shudders at the though but meanwhile my wick gets all stiff..

JorBo: i think thats a bit too much info man.

ChesZip: oh right sorry. well anyway i do know how you can destroy it. what you need is a good PISS.

The group(with narrator): PISS?!?

ChesZip: yes, Parental Internet Screening Shield. the problem is you have to backtrack to get one, for the only one that makes one this strong is microsoft (gates has to get down for board meetings you know) but no worries. ill be back in a jiff.

with this he fades away

Gettle:wakes up suddenly hey does anyone else crave some peanut butter?

so ends another post in The Neverending Story: The Admirals Command Chaber. will the Cheshire Zippo make it back before its too late? Will The heroes ever make it into the other layers of hell? will anyone else ever post? will i ever go back to the massassi forums? who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows.

Ford: who is the shadow and why does everyone keep talking about his nose.

NSP: anyway i thought id ressurect this, what do you think of the Cheshire Zippo? he jst kinda popped out of my head. well im done for now ill jsut go do that english essay im supposed to be doing...

__________________
May the Farce be with you.

Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!

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04-22-2002 08:32 PM

Ford1342
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
Benevolent Upward Movment Post!!!

__________________
May the Farce be with you.

Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!

Last edited by Ford1342 on 04-22-2002 at 08:35 PM

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04-26-2002 05:39 PM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Onward, NeStian soldiers...
(NSP: I finally got around to posting again for this. Hope this will make it easier for the others to post)

While waiting for the return of the Chesire Zippo, our heroes struggle to fend off the waves of pr0n.

Ford: Do these pr0n pop-up ads ever stop?

Gettle: I sure hope so...

Geb: ...the pr0n is now strangly appealing...

JorBo: No Geb! Don't give in!

Haggis: Hey look!

The heroes look over to where CookedHaggis is pointing to see a TACC member being swept by the strong currents of pr0n.

Lord of the Jedi: Wheeee!

Highemperor: That soul resides here, doesn't he?

Ford: It would appear so.

Haggis: (to LotJ) How long have you been up there?

LotJ: I can't remember now! Isn't that funny? In fact, I don't remember the last time I've had a good meal, or slept...but it's pr0n! Mustn't...leave...precious...pr0n...

As LotJ is swept away out of their site, the Chesire Zippo fades into appearance, now loaded with PISS.

Chesire Zippo: Here ya go. And uh...I'd suggest getting a move on. Gates ain't happy with what I did, and he's tracking you guys as we speak.

Geb: Gee, thanks.

Chesire Zippo: Off I go then!

After the Chesire Zippo dissapears, the heroes use the Parental Internet Screening Shield, opening a clear path down into the next circle of hell. The heroes cautiously make their way though, finding themselves in fields upon endless fields of...

JorBo: Toasters????

Ford: Hm. That is a bit odd. But it makes sense. The souls here seem to be forever plagued with eating, breathing, and otherwise, existing in nothing but things related to toasters.

Highemp: Riiiiiiight. And what kind of GRAND evil will we face this time?

Highemperor chuckles to himself before Gebohq taps him on hte shoulder. Highemperor turns around to see a somewhat nervous Gebohq, pointing at something in front of them. Before them stood a fearsome-looking demon, standing tall.

Demon: The name's Michael. What the bloody hell are you doing in my circle of...er...hell?

heroes: Uh....er...um....

Geb: We just wanted to get to the next circle of hell, that's all.

Michael: Right then. It'll be a good riddence of such rubbish. Though something seems to be a bit suspitious about all this....ah to hell with it! Get the hell out of here!

Gettle: Well that was needlessly redundant.

Our heroes, looking at the demon Michael with caution, begin to tred towards and into the next circle of hell. What new evils will they find? Will Michael remember what he was thinking? Will all these redundant remarks be reported to the redundant Department of Redundancy? Find out, next time on the Neverending Story Thread: the TACC comedy!

(NSP: Remember also, if you're stuck on ideas of where to go next to look at the link that was provided a few posts ago. Post as little or as much as you like, just post something!)

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04-27-2002 10:52 PM

Highemperor
Stormtrooper

Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
Highemperor stops suddenly. The group stops with him, because. . .

Gettle: Because why?

How should I know? I just work here!

Gettle: *sigh*

Highemp: ANYWAY, the reason I stopped was that I sense a disturbance in the One Power.

JorBo: Oohhh, so we're nicking off Robert Jordan now, too, huh?

Highemp: Hush you! This is my own thing, not some puny creation of a *sneer* different author. Anyways, something is going on back in the realm of Massassi. *opens a portal to Massassi* Hey, lookit that! *cough* Er, I mean, behold!

Our TACC heroes see the Massassi heroes on trial for disturbing the peace, vandalism, and practicing heroism without a license.

Geb: Ah, *insert choice swear word here*!!!!

Haggis: *marvels* I'm amazed they're still even ALIVE. . .

Highemp: As a matter of fact, the only reason ANYTHING exists is due to the fact that I ALLOW it, for I am GOD!

Thunder roars, lightning flashes, and a mighty voice rumbles from the heavens-

Mighty Voice: AHEM.

Highemp: Okay, okay, so I'm NOT God. *under his breath* At least, not yet. . . *straightens* But I practically AM! I'm uber-powerful, nearly solopotent; it will only take one more phase in my master plan-

As Highemperor rambles on, Ford jerks his finger over at him.

Ford: *whispering to Gettle* Where did you dig up THIS bozo?

Gettle: Where do you think? Out of Highemp the writer's megalomaniacal imagination.

Ford: Ah. Remind me to keep a tight leash on him when he writes for "Finding a Door".

Gettle: Will do.

Michael: *confused* Now, I'm POSITIVE I'm supposed to do something with you all. . .

__________________
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena at The High Citadel.

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04-30-2002 03:01 PM

JorBo
Stormtrooper

Registered: Feb 2002
Location:
Posts: 2
Geb turns and sees JorBo putting two pieces of bread into one of the toasters

Gebohq: What are you doing?

JorBo: I'm hungry

Gebohq: You fool! You don't know what you have done!

The toast pops from the toaster and JorBo reaches for it.

A low rumble fills the air and starts getting louder.

JorBo: Uhhhhh....

The air is filled with the sound of thousands of toasters popping.

JorBo: We're going to die!!

Gebohq: Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!!!!

The camera pans from Geb's face to a lone door miles away from the heroes.

All the heroes start running for the door dodging toast as we switch to bullettime

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05-03-2002 10:49 PM

Ford1342
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
JorBo in bullet time grabs a piece of toat and eats it.

JorBo: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!

__________________
May the Farce be with you.

Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!

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05-04-2002 01:17 PM

Stryker_006
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
NSP: lolz... keep it up

__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?

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05-07-2002 11:02 PM

Highemperor
Stormtrooper

Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
*all the heroes start running for it*

*all the heroes except for Highemp, that is, who instead opens a portal to Massassi to check in on the other heroes*

Geb: Highemp, are you crazy? The toasters will catch us any minute!

Highemp: Just a minute, Gebbers! *sticks his head through the portal - and promptly gets it stuck*

*a number of weird noises can be heard from the other side of the portal, but no one in the TACC realm is too terribly sure what is going on to Highemp's head*

JorBo: Should we leave him here? *burp* Or keep running for it?

Geb: . . .

Haggis: ! That's a no-brainer! Leave him!

*Once again, all the "heroes" start running for it, except for Highemp, whose head is stuck in the portal*

What will happen to our beloved Highemperor???

RAM: Whaddya mean, "beloved"?!

Highemp the Writer: Ah, shaddup. . .

__________________
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05-08-2002 06:13 PM

Highemperor
Stormtrooper

Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
*Highemp's tempting buttocks-*

RAM: You sicko writer!

*What? I don't mean it like that! I just mean it presents a good target!*

RAM: EWWW!!

*For TOAST, you idiot!*

*Now, let's continue. Highemp's rear end, which is now that you mention it very tempting to all the females in the audience-*

Entire Audience: SHUT UP!

*Er - anyway. Highemp's rear end presents a tempting target to all the pieces of toast, and he gets a good spanking*

*Suddenly, Highemp is jerked free from his predicament. He looks about and sees all the toast flying around*

Highemp: Hmm. . . Well, let's just alter space/time to make that luminous door conveniently placed in the distance come right to us! *alters space/time to make that luminous door conveniently placed - well, you know*

*the heroes rush into the door into the FOURTH CIRCLE OF HELL!!!*

What new adventure awaits our heroes? Will I ever stop hoping my character is sexually appealing to females? Should toast be butter side up or butter side down? The answer to all these questions and more in the next episode of NeS in the Realm of TACC!

__________________
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena at The High Citadel.

05-09-2002 01:18 AM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Non-Story Post
(NSP: Just letting you all know that I probably won't be posting until the end of May, as I, as I'm sure many of you, are busy with end of the school year exams and projects. I also happen to think it's somewhat convinient, as I'm having a bit of writer's block. I hope one of you guys can think of something for the next circle (Wuss? Absolver? ) Until next time then)

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05-09-2002 06:26 PM

Stryker_006
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
B.U.M.P.

__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?

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05-12-2002 07:03 PM

CookedHaggis
Commander

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 785
So Matt and Absolver are still falling into Hell. As they were a month or so ago. Hell's a long way away you see. Plus, ground and rocks and stuff offer a lot of resistance against falling, slowing their progress.

Matt: " Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaa*breath*aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."

Absolver: "Look, just shut up will you? You've been screaming like a girl for a month solid."

Matt: "Aaaaaaaaaa...well, it's just that I've had nothing else to do...everyone's been so caught up in the so called "heroes" adventures amongst pr0n (a subject they seem to know a great deal about I might add...), not to mention the apparant epidemic of writer's block.

Plus I was bored. And what else was I supposed to do?"

Absolver: "You could've found out more about Dante's Inferno and Christ's descent into hell so you actually had a clue what was going on."

Matt: "Uh...surely that's not my job."

Absolver: "Oh yeah...I meant Haggis should've found out more about it. My bad.
It's just funnier if you mock the writers subtlely."

Matt: "That was subtle? And funny?"

Absolver: "No. I was just saying that if it had been subtle and clever, it might've been funny."

Matt: "Ah, right. So...er...where were we?"

Absolver: "I believe you were screaming like a girl."

Matt: "Oh yeah. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...."

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05-15-2002 10:47 AM

Absolver
Stormtrooper

Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 8
Blast From About Two Months Ago
*Absolver and Matthew EVENTUALLY fall into a pit of lava. Needless to say, they get a bit scalded swimming out.*

Absolver: Where's the Quik-Rub Cream when you-

*He is rudely interrupted by Pate's fist colliding with his face, sending him sprawling to the ground. The evil Australian leaps on top of him, and the two begin Greco-Roman wrestling, falling off the edge of a cliff and down about five hundred feet, into a pit of spikes. As Absolver climbs out and brushes himself out, he begins to notice a strange occurrance; in Hell, the laws of probability, especially when it comes to death, are null and void.*

Pate: Bloody hell! I'm impaled on a spike, yet not dead!

Absolver: What a keen observation, numbskull.

*He pummels Pate with a flurry of punches and kicks, and as Absolver prepares for the backlash, he wonders how he will EVER be able to tie this sub-plot in with the original team of characters...*

__________________
Every 6 months, when I make my TACC bi-annual visit, I always have to re-register. Shame, shame, shame.

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05-15-2002 06:08 PM

Highemperor
Stormtrooper

Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
While Pate tries to extricate himself from the spike upon which he is impaled. . .

Absolver: There's got to be some way outta here! *looks around* Aha! *sees a sign*

"ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE, FOR THIS IS THE NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL"

Suddenly a deep rumbling can be heard.

Absolver: Hoo boy, this can't be good.

A shadow from the flames can be seen coming around.

Deep Rumbling: Abandon all hope ye who enter here!

The shadow comes closer and closer, until-

Entire Audience: Ahhh! Satan is Peewee Herman!

Peewee Satan: *in a squeaky voice* Abandon all hope ye who. . . ah, forget it.

Absolver: *runs frantically upwards through Hell until he reaches our group of heroes*

Peewee Satan: So, let's see who's impaled on this spike for me to terrorize, terrify, and otherwise torture with my touting alliteration! *comes around a huge fire and sees Pate* No! Not yoooooouuuu. . . *dies*

Chorus of Demons: All hail the Devil Pate, the evilest of evils in the entire Universe! The baddest of bad, the vilest of vile, the foulest of foul, the-

RAM: Okay, okay, we get the point already!

Random Demon: No, you don't. This. . . is. . . Matthew. . . PATE!

Audience: Ohhhhh- *dies*

Pate Satan: *looks around* Okay, that's all very well and good, but could someone PLEASE GET ME OFF THIS SPIKE!

__________________
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05-15-2002 10:58 PM

Ford1342
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
meanwhile back in the third layer of h-e-double hockeysticks...

Haggis: Geb weve been running for days now and the toasters just keep getting closer.

Geb: now listen what did i tell you about looking back. it wastes valuable brain-juice. you look back losing concentration and *BAM* you fall on your face.

Haggis: but look they'll get us any minute now!

Geb:looks *BAM*falls on his face you did that on purpose!

Haggis: Yup! grins

just then ford stumbles on to something...literally

Ford:will you guys cut that owAAAA
A
A
A
A
A
A
H!

JorBo: hey wher'd he go?

Gettle: could it have something to do with that Absolver/Matt Pate shaped hole there?

Geb: Gettle! hey! man i'd almost forgotten you were there! hey, how are you man? and more importantly, hows TMTGB, huh?

BING!

Geb: Great! still working fine. say you think it could tell us how to get rid of these toaster things?

Gettle: why dont we jsut jump down the hole?

Geb: what and waste shuch a great thing as TMTGB? never! tell you you what, we'll ask it and see and if that doesnt work well do whatever it is your idea was, hmm?

Gettle:*grumbles then whispers at TMTGB*

BING!

Gettle: it says we should jump down the hole.

Geb Great idea! why didnt anyone else think of that? Right! well off we go! AAAAAA
A
A
A
A
A
A
H!

will our heroes survive the fall through the remaining 6 layer of hell? will they ever find ford and absolver? will Pate ever get off that pike? and for gods sake wont someone think of the children? find out all this and more in the next neverending post of The Neverending Story: TACC : "Down the Hell Hole"

(NSP: hey sorry if its a bit hitchhikes guideish but ive been listening to the radio broadcasts again. and if you guys dont get the title of the episode justthen its a parody of down the rabbit hole from alice in wonderland. maybe someone oculd do something like that in the next post describing the remaining 6 layers. i dunno just a wacky idea i had, i dont know how to pull it off tho. ttfn.)

poo! my experiment didna work

__________________
May the Farce be with you.

Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!

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05-16-2002 09:31 AM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
(NSP: Let's see what we can do here, since we sort of mixed up a few things...)

Several moments prior to entering the fourth circle of hell, our heroes had attempted to jump into the recently made hole. However, when they landed, they discovered that they had landed in the same circle they had been in.

Barely lifting their heads from the pain of the fall, they spoke to each other.

JorBo: How did this happen again?

Haggis: Well, it is hell, you know.

Ford: He's got a point there.

Gettle: *now getting up, as are the others* Remind me never to jump into a hole of unknown depth again.

Just then, Michael the demon appears besides them.

Haggis: Did you HAVE to say that?

Just doing my job.

Michael: I remembered what I was suppose to do now!

Michael begins to chuckle in a deep menacing voice.

Geb: Hey, look over there!

Michael: What?

Gebohq then motions with his head to the others to run away. Gettleburger continues to look as Michael does though, and JorBo pulls him along.

It is a short run however, as all the heroes slam head-first into the door. Highemperor is standing, playing on a Gameboy.

Highemp: What took you guys so long? Oh yeah, that's right. I moved the door into the fourth circle of hell.

The heroes then enter into the ominous door.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: Overly-elaborate description ahead!

The first to witness the landscape of the fourth circle was HIghemperor. His every step was preceded by confident purpose, his head held high, his black and red attire blending in as if he was part of Hell itself. His eyes narrowed with deep thought as he looked out on ahead.

Gebohq followed, much less...gracefully, despite his "official" role as leader of the group. His black and blue attire, which resembled Neo's from "The Matrix", was somehow opposing to Highemperor's. His hair, which rivaled that of Mark Hamill's from "Star Wars" and Kevin Bacon's from "Tremors" and was the color of fall, swept around his face as he turned to finally see what he had been running towards.

Ford followed next, with his great knowledge about such mythological and theological subjects leveling his relatively new membership with the others. Like Gebohq and the others, he wore black clothes found in "The Matrix" and other "bad-a$$" movies. His eyes had been darting back and forth before examining the landscape. Eyes of an educated man, now lost in fear and confusion.

JorBo and Gettleburger followed close behind. Gettleburger's attire was by far the fanciest, with his designer suit eminating an English flair to it (a style that did not fit well with his usual eccentric personality), yet still relatively fitting with the group. TMTGB was quietly binging under the arm that held it, its light green Mousebot-like form giving the impression of a pet. Jorbo, apart from being the only one there who was not inanely (NSP: not INSANE. Inane is like absurd) ignorant of reality, was not acting in any notable way. The two of them looked upon the fourth circle with concerned and questioning looks.

CookedHaggis shuffled behind in an agressive manner similar to a drunk person. His attire and persona was of a polar opposite to what it was when he was in the realm of Massassi. His dark uniform-like outfit was sloven, like a disgruntled poster worker. His head whipped around, his eyes blankly gazing at the landscape, apparently unconcerned with the scenery. His expertise in the realm of TACC now seemed pointless in what the group faced now.

What they saw before them was the most maddening thing they had seen yet, the sight of it making their minds ready to snap what little sanity they might have had.

Mountains upon mountains of mystical swirls were littered across the landscape, their unpredictable and flashy tendriles nearly painful to look at. At one moment there would be a shade pushing and pulling at a mystical swirl, and the next moment, they were replaced by another shade, or a demon, or an "O" magazine. The heroes did not notice as Absolver ran towards them.

Garbed in an outfit similar to Morpheus, Absolver ran towards them. Having just fell through all the circles of hell, he out of all of them was most prepared, and thus, was able to navigate his way best through the mountain passes in the mystical swirls towards them.

Ford: Those shades must be the prodigal souls, whom did not know how to use plot holes. Those that had either denied the mystical goodness or abused its powers and carelessly tossed them around, now forever pushing and pulling the mountains of mysical swirls known as plot holes.

Absolver: *having just reached them* Good thing I found you all. The situation has grown darker, and I fear what we will have to face when we reach the final circle of hell, for I knew I could not face it alone.

JorBo: Do we really have to?

Haggis: You want to face Gates and Michael back up there? Besides, this is the only way we will be able to free the realm of TACC from Gate's clutches and escape back home. Besides, there are so many more references to make fun of.

JorBo: What?

Haggis: Nothing.

Gettle: I say, I just hope that my precious TMTGB won't be the target of the whole means of doom and destruction!

TMTGB: Bing!

Geb: I think I'll just settle with little things like "getting our move on" right now. Absolver, mind if you lead the way?

Absolver: Of course. Watch your step everyone.

Highemperor: Yes. We'll watch indeed...*his eyes and persona darknen more with mystery and a certain ominous purpose to them.*

The heroes then follow Absolver as they march further into the depths of Hell.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, in the deepest depths of Hell, within the final circle of Hell, Matthew Pate ice skates with other high demons.

Pate: So...why am I now the master of Hell? Not that I'm not flattered by the suggestion or anything...

High Demon #1: Well, your Vile Evilness, you see, a while back, Satan, the former ruler of the Eternal Abyss known as Hell, had left us. Something about "needing a vacation to Massassi" and "joining an evil villian band". Since Satan was never suppose to LEAVE, Hell was sort of at a loss for guidance. Therefore, the next most evil presence in Hell was appointed.

High Demon #2: Then you came, your Horrid Darkness sir, and your presence was far greater than our replacement, and if I may say so myself, I think you're much better of a ruler of Hell than Satan could ever be.

High Demon #1: So you see, Lord Pate, Father of Lies, that is why you are our ruler.

High Demon #3: Wheeee! *slips and falls into a fiery crack between the ice.*

Pate: Riiiight. Perhaps I should add another circle to this place...

(NSP: OK, so I hope the following helps a bit. First off, I've left them at the fourth circle of hell. I HOPE to see all the circles progress through by the heroes, but obviously, if we want to just jump in the Pate-shaped hole or bump into a plot hole and go to the final one, that's fine.

I MUST emphasis that by NO means do any of you writers have to follow the similarities presented in the original work of Dante's Divine Comedy--it is merely a guide. However, if by some reason you feel obligated too, here are the basics for the rest of the circles of hell:

5th circle--the wrathful. It is the river Styx, where the shades (souls of hell) are wading in the violent waters, often biting themselves. Dante gets across by boat.

6th circle--the heretics. It's called the City of Dis, where it is walled and has a giant fire that serves as the only light in hell. Dante has to wait to get through, and is almost turned into stone if not for help from heavenly messengers. The shades here are in tombs of fires.

7th circle--the violent. There are 3 parts--those that were violent against others (kept under bloddy waters with arrows shot at them), those that were violent against themselves (have been turned into trees and shrubs and are torn apart by harpies and dogs) and those that were violent against God (to stand on burning sand while blood rains on them)

8th circle-- the fraudulent. Here the Abyss starts as well as a horrible stentch from Satan. Those here have no faces. It's divided into 10 malebolge ("evil pockets")--which are connected by bridges (some broken due to Christ's descent). They're punished with whippings, wade in bodily wastes, being upside down in oil while their feet stick out and burn, having their parts mixed and matched oddly, being stuck under tar, being blinded by weighted hoods, being chased by snakes while naked, being trapped in a flame, being split apart, and being plagued with illnesses.

9th circle--the traitors. This is where Satan resides, and the place is covered in a lake of ice. All the shades here are frozen mostly under the ice, and the worst of the sinners are eaten by Satan.

As I said before, you DON'T have to follow these.)

__________________
~Geb

05-17-2002 09:52 AM

Absolver
Stormtrooper

Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 8
The Fifth Circle
*The group - Highemperor, Ford, Gebohq, JorBo, Gettleburger, Absolver and CookedHaggis - march grimly forward, finally reaching the fifth circle. It is quite unlike anything they have ever seen. The vast expanse of the black river Styx expands before them, almost treacherously stagnant save for the few ripples caused by thrashing shades in the distance.*

JorBo: Creepy feel'n here, guys...

CookedHaggis: No choice. Michael and Gates will be here any minute. Let's find a boat.

*Unfortunately, the divine powers that be chose to leave only a faded yellow dinghy and oars for the party. Reluctantly (at gunpoint), Gettleburger and Ford elect to paddle, and they set off, the rest standing in the craft and rather nervously pointing their weapons at every thrashing, biting shade that they pass.*

Gettleburger: I say, fellows, is that a dashedly warm draft on us, or is it just me?

Ford: Neither.

*The group turn to Ford, the mythological expert.*

Ford: That's the hate of the wrathful enveloping us...

*Suddenly, Absolver starts to twitch.*

Absolver: ..Not fair...I should be the leader...Gebohq is taking over my franchise and NeS-ifying it...grumble grumble...

*Similarly, CookedHaggis is eyeing off Gettleburger.*

CookedHaggis: Mutter mutter...bloody pompous git...trying to take over my "foreigner" shtick...I'll give him a "good show, chaps"...

*Even TMTGB's "bings" are taking a resentful air. Too late, Ford realises what is going on.*

Ford: Guys-

*Absolver unsheaths his longsword, "Absolvation", and swings it in an overhead shop at Gebohq. The group leader barely blocks it in time with his own blade, deflecting it into the sensitive dinghy side. The rest of the characters, already pulling out various nasty implements of destruction, freeze and stare, their faces comically drooping as a telltale hissing noise announces their doom.*

Absolver: What have I d-

*But his moan is cut off as the dinghy abruptly deflates, the party hits the water and are immediately sucked into the inky black vacuum of rage...*

__________________
Every 6 months, when I make my TACC bi-annual visit, I always have to re-register. Shame, shame, shame.

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05-17-2002 11:13 AM

Stryker_006
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
NSP: Lol... Starting to sound like LotR. B.U.M.P.

__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?

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05-22-2002 01:53 AM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
(NSP: Amazing! That has to be, like, one of the very few relatively serious post (the fifth circle one by Absolver) I've ever seen! I wonder how they WILL escape (as I'm having difficulty thinking of a way myself). Should be interesting to see anyways, and to see if Hell freezes over at any point, besides the last circle that is)

__________________
~Geb

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05-22-2002 04:48 PM

Stryker_006
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
(nsp: Here, let me help you along)
*BING!!!*
TMTGB bings, catapulting all of the heroes unto the other side.

JorBo: Wow, I didn't know that it could do that.

__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?

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05-22-2002 10:20 PM

Ford1342
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
the heroes, now being saafely out of the river styx, and in the 6th layer of hell, in the city of Dis, Dat, and De Udder Ting, briefly apologize to each other for being so hatefull and completely un-hero-like

General Mutterings of the heroes:gee...sorry..uh...

Gettle: Say, are any of the rest of you hot?

JorBo: yeah man, its hotter'n hell in here

Ford: this [b]is[/b[ Hell buddy.

JorBo: oh, right...

Ford: weve got to be carefull here guys. if memory serves, this is the 6th layer of hell. if we fal from one of these walls you see scattered about, we'll burn eternally in those flames below.

Geb: Right, so how are we supposed to ger across?

Ford:we have to find the right wall to follow.

while the heroes discuss thier plan to get across the 6th layer, Devil Matthew Pate watches from his mighty throne.[i/]

Pate: damn those heroes i was sure they'dnever get past Styx. how could they with that damn [i]"come sail away.." going on all the damn time? its that MTGB i bet, its the leader this time. even the mighty gebhoq yeilds to its power. i must have it. Guido! Nunzio!

G/N: yeah boss?

Pate: i need you to go to thecity of Dis, and get rid of these annoying heroes, and bring me TMTGB!

Guido: Sure ting boss!

Nunzio: Yeah, we'll take em to de mattresses. *chuckles*

will our heroes make it through yet another layer of hell, on their ultimate spiral to the centre? will pate get his hands on TMTGB? will the bad accents ever stop?

Haggis: Ach! is tha' a 'orse 'ead? i've been meanin te git me hands on on o' those for a long tiem now.

(nsp: hey guys, ths sort of popped out of my head after reading Gebs post i read city of Dis and though hey bad new yourk accent, you know. dis, dat, and de udder ting. well anyway, i think this circle of hell should be run by minions of satan that are like new york italien mob henchmen tel me what you think.)

__________________
May the Farce be with you.

Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!

Last edited by Ford1342 on 05-22-2002 at 10:24 PM

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05-25-2002 10:55 PM

Highemperor
Stormtrooper

Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
Ideas for us to consider:

7th Circle: Planet Sith and Jar Jar Binks

8th Circle: Keyboarding Teacher

9th Circle: Matthew Pate, of course, no argument there, right?

__________________
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena at The High Citadel.

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05-29-2002 10:26 PM

Stryker_006
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
NSP: Hurry up and post. I'm bored and you need to post!!!

__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?

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05-31-2002 10:30 PM

Wuss
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Bloogernoggin
Posts: 123
Our heroes slowly make their way through the decrepit city. The massive, hulking buildings that line the streets are seemingly abandoned, yet the group cannot shake the feeling that they are being watched.

Geb: I don't like this at all.

Ford: Yes, it's quite creepy.

Little do our heroes realize how truly creepy the City of Dis is. A vast complex of tunnels run through out the ground beneath their feet. And within these tunnels are thousands upon thousands of giant demon rats. The fun's just getting started, boys.

JorBo: I'd don't like the sound of that...

Gettle: What? The narrator's evil, mischievous remark?

JorBo: No... I was talking about that rustling sound that is slowly growing in intensity...

Suddenly, giant demon rats pour out from every single pore, crevice, and hole in the city. A massive flood of screeching, biting supernatural vermin comes rushing towards the group. The demons Guido and Nunzio lead the hellish army, whipping the rats into a fevered frenzy.

Geb: Does anyone have any rat poison?

It's not looking too bright for the good guys...

__________________
"Forgiveness is the aroma that the violet gives to the heel that has just crushed it..."

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05-31-2002 11:30 PM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Swarms of giant demonic rats close in on our heroes--

Gettle: Are you sure they're demonic?

JorBo: Of course they are, nimrod! It's HELL!

Gettle: Oh yeah.

--ahem. As I was saying, swarms of giant demoic rats close in on our heroes, making the situation grim.

Haggis: Quick! Sacrafice TMTGB to it and perhaps they'll be appeased!

*CookedHaggis smacks TMTGB out of Gettleburger's arms.*

Gettle: NOO!!!

TMTGB: Bing!

When it appeared as if TMTGB would be swarmed (yes, I like that word) and lost within the midst of giant demonic rats, TMTGB spewed forth a stream of inky oil at them, holding them back somewhat. That is when Gebohq thought of a brilliant idea!

Geb: I just thought of a brilliant idea! ...no wait, no I didn't. I just thought about wanting to see some porn.

*sigh*

ABSOLVER then thinks of a brilliant idea!

Absolver: ....er, I do? I'm not sure doing flips and crazy slow-motion gun-shooting action could really work, but if that's the plan--

Nevermind...

Highemp: Do you need me to help out again?

NO! You're uh... still brooding over your mysterious plans that the other heroes don't know about.

Highemp: Oh yeah, that's right.

Geb: Mysterious plans? What's this now--

Ford: OH! I have a brilliant plan!

No you don't!

Ford: What do you mean "I don't"?

I mean you don't have a plan.

Ford: Why not?

Because I said so.

Ford: But it's a good plan!

JorBo: Uh....guys?

*JorBo points worriedly at the swarm of rats, now nearly swimming to try and pass TMTGB and to our heroes where they will undoubtedly do nasty things to them.*

Oh fine. Go ahead with your "brilliant plan"!

*Ford then summons his Chessire Zippo.*

Chessire Zippo: What now?

Ford: Could you ignite that over there?

Chessire Zippo: Oh fine...

*The CZ then floats over to the stream that TMTGB is spewing, now almost exhausting his supply within itself, and lights the stream on fire, sending the entire pool of inky oil, and the rats swimming in it, blazing. With that, the CZ then disappears.*

Gettle: What an ingenious idea!

JorBo: Did anyone care to remember that this is HELL!?

The heroes then notice that the giant demonic rats are still there, with giant demonic smiles, as they are now gaint demonic FLAMING rats.

Brilliant Plan there.

Ford: Hush you.

Highemp: I'm brooding....brooding-brooding-brooding....oh my, we sure are in a pickle now...

Haggis: DO SOMETHING ALREADY!

Geb: No wait! I think I have an idea....

*Gebohq whips out his "Ban" antipersperant stick with one hand and a water-spritzer in the other.*

Geb: Best way to rid yourself of flamers!

Absolver: Er...Geb. That's not Ban anti-persperant. It's Old Bay. And your water-spritzer is broken.

Geb: I KNEW I should have gotten that thing fixed before...

*Just then, a portal opens, and an arrow with a note attached to it flys by them, hitting a nearby beam. Gebohq reads it.*

----------------------------------------------
Dear Gebo...er..dear Geb,

We need u w/ us. We wuld lik it veree much. Pleeze, pleeze respond!

Signed,

The new guys of the NeS team
---------------------------------------------------

JorBo: WHEEE! An Escape route!

*JorBo jumps through the portal, and it instantly dissapears.*

Geb: So much for getting supplies...

*Just then, the rats run away terrified.*

Ford: Why did they jsut run away?

Highemp: I think I know why....

*The heroes look over to CookedHaggis, who is now in a female hooker outfit.*

Geb: Thanks Haggis--good plan.

Haggis: What plan?

Geb: You mean the whole drag queen look was...er...

Haggis: ....?

Geb: Nevermind.

*The heroes trek forth in search of the gate into the 7th circle of hell.*

The heroes have lost JorBo now! Will our heroes still manage to march into the depths of hell and stop Gate's evil plan to rule over TACC at the root of the problem? Tune in next time, here at the Never-ending Story Thread: A TACC Comedy!

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06-01-2002 11:46 AM

Wuss
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Bloogernoggin
Posts: 123
Leaving the smoldering ruins of the City of Dis behind them, our heroes approach the horrific gate into the 7th circle of hell. It's constructed out of bloody chainsaws and butcher knives and mutilated skeletons adorn the hellish arch. A large cheery sign is suspended above the entrance depicting cute wittle bunny wabbits... shooting each other with cute wittle semi-automatics. The sign reads:

WELCOME TO THE 7TH LEVEL OF HELL: VIOLENCE
HAVE A NICE DAY

From behind the gates, endless human screams can be heard.

Geb: Lovely, isn't it?

Absolver: It sure is...

Geb: I was being sarcastic.

Absolver: I wasn't.

*Geb blinks*

Gettle: Let's move on, shall we?

Geb: We shall.

The group gingerly passes through the gates and into the 7th circle of hell. All around them bodies are strewn about, torn and bloodied. Moans and screams fill the air. All in all, the place is very reminiscent of high-school gym class.

Ford: This place is horrible.

Absolver: Wuss?

Ford: I'm not a wuss! This place just gives me the heebie-jeebies, that's all!

Absolver: No! I mean... It's Wuss! There!

*Absolver points to a body dressed in a tattered, black trench coat. The group rushes over to it*

Absolver: What are you doing here, Wuss? We all thought you were dead!

Wuss: I am dead, you idiot! Why else would I be lying around here? I mean sure the weather's warm all year round and the food is hard to beat but...

Geb: What happened?

Wuss: An unfortunate situation involving an angry Toaster-thread-demon, a pencil sharpener, and my... *achem*

*The group cringes*

Wuss: So yeah... it's not been too much fun. And I'd be very delighted if maybe you could help me out of this mess.

TMTGB: Bing!

*Wuss is instantly healed*

Ford: Is there anything that machine can't do?

Wuss: I'm thirsty.

Geb: No time for that, we must press on through this horrible place.

Wuss: I'm thirsty.

Absolver: It seems the path veers left.

Wuss: I'm thirsty.

Geb: Let's go....

And thus another is added to their numbers. Will our heroes pass through the 7th circle of hell without any resistance? Does it seem easy... a bit TOO easy? Will Wuss ever have his thirst quenched? Stay tuned...

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06-02-2002 02:55 PM

Stryker_006
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
NSP: Thank you. (Finally.)

__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?

06-08-2002 10:51 PM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
But wait! There's more!

Our heroes continue to march forth through Hell with their new ally, Wuss. So let's see...we have Gebohq, Absolver, Highemperor, Ford, CookedHaggis, Gettleburger, and Wuss. That makes the body count--er--the group a party of seven. How quaint.

The group notice that a large... duckie-taur? Am I reading this right?

The majority of the...thing looks like a large rubber duckie, but the other half is of the host from the original "Twilight Show" series...

What the hell? Who comes UP with this stuff??!?!

Geb: Hmm...this thing could pose a problem for us to advance foreward.

Ford: Considering that it is taking up what little walkable path we have through the massive piles of bodies continually being violently torn apart, I'd have to agree.

Duckie-taur: To cross this threshold, you must *squeak* answer me these questions three...

Gettle: Do we realy have to? That's SO boring!

Haggis: Honestly, can't you think of something better?

Duckie-taur: Well...

*---Four hours later--*

Duckie-taur: Do you have...a Jack of Clubs?

Absolver: Nope. Go fish.

*The duckie-taur picks a random card from the pile between it and the group. It smiles.*

Duckie-taur: HA! I won again!

Wuss: Maybe if we played beer pong instead--

Highemp: Oh enough of this!

*With one swoop, Highemperor slays the duckie-taur, sending its body flying off into a distance fartehr than they could see.*

Geb: Er...I guess we'll move on then...

Ford: Nurgh...stupid burning sand...

Wuss: Stupid burning rain...

Haggis: Stupid lack of booze--er-- I mean, stupid violent souls sprawled about...

Will our heroes be able to make it through into the 8th circle of hell? Find out, right here, right now. Jsut keep clicking that "refresh" button...

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06-09-2002 04:27 PM

Ford1342
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
suddenly, a small white dot appears in the sky above the heroes. unfortunately for the heroes none of them notice until its almost on top of them.

Haggis: hey guys, whats that big withe thing thats falling out of the sky?

Geb: i dunno, lets stare up at it until we figure it out.

Gettle: okay!

Ford: do you guys feel a draft?

__________________
May the Farce be with you.

Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!

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06-09-2002 08:58 PM

Ford1342
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
*WHUMP*

with that noise the entirety of hell was covered in a blanket of deep white snow. ladies and gentleman hellvis has frozen over.

RAM:*groan*

quiet you

Wuss: HighEmp why are you grinning like that?

HighEmp: *laughs manically* Cant you see. hell has frozen over...Bluejay has just won the Admin Series *evil laugh*

Gettle: Dont you mean The Bluejays won the World Series.

HighEmp: You fool. Everything is going as planned. nothing can stop me now!

Ford: Riiiight...

Absolver: why dont you tell us wha your evil plan is, giving us time to figure out a way to foil it and put an end to your blasted evil schem.

HighEmp: i dont know... it seems kind of risky....*thinks really hard* okay!

what is HighEmp's dastardly plot? will wuss ever get a decent line? And will geb ever remember that he is honorarily leader of the group on a simi-permanant to permanent basis? Find out all this and more next time on NeS: TACC!

HighEmp: you see its like this...

__________________
May the Farce be with you.

Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!

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06-11-2002 09:38 PM

CookedHaggis
Commander

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 785
So Hell has frozen over. Again...(The first time of course being when Matthew Pate made a funny joke). The only clue so far has been an enigmatic slip of the tongue from High Emperor. Or so it seems....(that is, it seems to be a slip of the tongue, rather than it seems to be engimatic). So we continue...

And yes, I realise that putting an explaination after an ellipsis defeats the purpose of it, but I'm just being curiously artistic...(alright, I'm just making poor jokes, but gimme a break here).

Geb: Get on with it...

Right, yes...so anyway, where were we?

HighEmp: You see it's like this...

Ford: Like what? A big pile of snow?

HighEmp: I was just about to explain my evil plan...

Ford: Evil snow?

HighEmp: What? No, my plan has nothing to do with snow, evil or otherwise.

Geb: But you just said that "Everything is going as planned", refering to the fact that Hell has frozen over. Hence the snow.

HighEmp: Well, ok, there is a slight snow related aspect to the plan, but...

Ford: Evil snow?

HighEmp: No, just regular, run-of-the-mill snow.

Geb: In Hell.

HighEmp: Yes, in Hell.... Well, ok there may be a hint of evilness about it, but that simply because it's snow in Hell, not because the snow is inherently evil.

Ford: Hellish snow?

HighEmp: NO! Well, sort of, since it's snow in Hell, but the snow itself is not Hellish. At least I don't think so. But it's academic really, as the point I was trying to make was that the fact that Hell has frozen over means that my plan has come to fruition.

Ford: Evil fruit?

HighEmp: *sigh*...

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06-13-2002 05:39 PM

Highemperor
Stormtrooper

Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
After the deepest sigh in recorded history-

Geb: Hey, now wait a second! That's just a tad bit redundant, don't you think?

What do you mean?

Geb: Well, history is defined as information about the past that's written and recorded.

Ah, shaddup.

Highemp: *zaps Narrator*

OWWWWWOOOWWWOOOWWWWOW! Hey, what are you DOING?!

Highemp: *as Geb gets evil grin on his face* Agreeing with Geb. *turns to Geb and zaps HIM*

Geb: OWWWWWOOOWWWOOOWWWWOW! Hey, what are you DOING?!

Highemp: Being angry that you noticed that before I did.

Geb: Actually, you DID notice before I did. You just wrote it in that I spoke first.

Highemp: *glaring* You sayin' I made a MISTAKE?

Geb: *eyeing Highemp's sparking fingers nervously* Uh, no, not at all!

Highemp: Good.

Gettle: Can we puh-LEEZE get back on track? *is promptly zapped by Highemp*

Highemp: I wasn't done yet. *pauses, looks around, and comes to a conclusion* Okay, NOW I'm done.

Gettle: *moaning on floor*

TMTGB: Bing! Bing! Bing! *Narrator, Geb, and Gettle are instantly healed*

Gettle: Haha! There's nothing that little baby can't do!

Highemp: Um, actually, yes, there is. See, THAT'S why Hell froze over. Because not even TMTGB can out-bing TBTGB (The Bell That Goes Bing)TM!

Wuss: Okay, so? *turns and glares at the sky* Hey, how come I always gotta ask the stupid questions!

Because you ARE stupid, Stupid.

*Wuss and the Narrator get into a shouting match. Meanwhile. . .*

Highemp: In answer to Wuss's "stupid question", The Bell that Goes Bing is in the 8th circle.

Ford: *confused* And what does this have to do with evil fruit?

Highemp: *blinks* What? It doesn't.

Ford: Yes, it does; you said it does!

Highemp: No, I didn't, I just said Hell freezing over has to do with my dastardly plan, and Hell froze over because of The Bell That Goes Bing. None of which has anything to do with fruit, evil or otherwise.

Ford: Okay, then, mister-smartypants, what's that over there?

Highemp: *turns and looks* Evil fruit stampeding our way to devour us. *blinks and does a double-take* EVIL FRUIT?!

Gettle: Everybody run!!!!!!!!!

Whew! Well, now that Wuss has been put back into his proper place, I can return to the story. Okay, so where are we? Hey, what's this? Evil fruit? What kind of stupid writer would put THAT in?

Wuss: That "stupid writer" was ME, bloody eejit!

*The Narrator and Wuss go at it again. Meanwhile, our heroes (including Wuss, who keeps hurling insults at the Narrator) make a break for the 8th circle), with hordes of evil fruit right behind them. . .*

__________________
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena at The High Citadel.

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06-15-2002 12:14 PM

Stryker_006
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
NSP: Come on, keep up the momentum.

__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?

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06-15-2002 03:57 PM

Highemperor
Stormtrooper

Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
You know, Stryker, you could write a post yourself!

__________________
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena at The High Citadel.

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06-16-2002 02:09 PM

Stryker_006
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
NSP: That would ruin the story tho...

__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?

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06-16-2002 02:16 PM

Stryker_006
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
Ok, on highemp's suggestion...

Highemp: What suggestion?

Shut up, I'm trying to post.

Wuss: I'm thirsty.

Geb: Look, theres a drinking fountain.

Wuss: Yay!!

JorBo: But there are hordes of evil fruit, coming to devour us, don't you think we should run?

Wuss runs to the drinking fountain

Highemp: No!! Don't touch it!!!

Wuss tries to get a drink of water, but instead a fountain of lava spurts out.

Highemp: Sigh.

The lava starts flowing toward the evil fruit, who promptly turn around and start running.

__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?

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06-17-2002 12:46 PM

CookedHaggis
Commander

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 785
Wuss: Damn I'm good.

Geb: At what?

Wuss: At stopping the advance of evil fruit. What else?

[Generic NeS Hero]: And in doing so, you have effectively trapped us with a circle of lava.

Gettle: Guys...

Wuss: Oh, so now I have to think of everything round here? You wanted rid of the evil fruit, so I got rid of the evil fruit..geez...

Gettle: Guys...

[Generic NeS Hero]: Well yeah, you could've done something better than encircling us with a river of fire. A diseased, constipated, epilectic and schizophrenic monkey could've done something better...

Sam (The diseased, constipated, epilectic and schizophrenic ape): Now I say, hang on just a moment there, I find that offensive...

Gettle: GUYS!

All: What? Sheesh...

Gettle: The snow is cooling the lava...

Wuss: See, I told you my cunning plan would work...

[Generic NeS Hero]: You didn't tell us anything, you just wanted a drink. Greedy bugger.

RAM: I think Hell is getting to them.

Geb: No, we're always like this. And go away. You're supposed to heckle the narrator, not talk to us.

[edit: removed JorBo]

Last edited by CookedHaggis on 06-17-2002 at 08:30 PM

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06-17-2002 08:05 PM

Ford1342
Stormtrooper

Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
NPS: one a side note. JorBo is in canada wiht the newer members of NeS

__________________
May the Farce be with you.

Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!

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06-19-2002 05:09 PM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
The heroes continue to trek in silence across the searing desert, which was raining acid, but had later turned to snow. As the silence becomes uncomfortable, Geb begins to whistle.

The other heroes pay now mind to him. Geb's whistling turns into humming. His humming then turned into low singing.

Geb: ...he was just a poor boy, dada-dada-da-da...

Geb's low singing then became very LOUD and rather obnoxious singing.

Geb: ...CARABOUSH CARABOUSH!...

All the heroes stop and give him glares. Geb slumps his head back down in silence. A few moments later though...

Geb: ...*quietly singing* Stayin' alive, stayin' alive...

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited June 25, 2002).]

Highemperor of the Force

06-23-2002, 05:51 PM

Semievil333
Stormtrooper

Registered: Jun 2002
Location: My own little world, U.S.A.
Posts: 2
Hell, 8th circle, lower gateway.
Geb: Hey, it looks like we're here guys, the gateway to the ninth circle!

RVW (randomish voice within): Actually this is the Tenth circle. The ninth is just past us, beyond the rotting human fleash stockpiles.

Wuss: Naww, you're puttin us on!

RVW: No joke! We just opened up last thursday.

Gettle: But what happened to the giants? I wanted to ride the giants!

RVW: The giants were due for redistricting anyway- they got relocated to NES.

Geb: Eternal suffering vs. a simple endless existance of meanial tasks and nonaccomplishment.... seems like it's a bit unfair to have them switch out like that, doesn't it?

RVW: Yeah, even the boss downstairs thought it was a little harsh to send them to NES... but something had to give, we were running out of space down here.

Geb: .........

RVW: Well come on, in or out, but don't leave the gate open. The souls of the damned will get out!

The heros descend into the tenth circle

Geb: http://forums.massassi.net/html/eek.gif

Gettle: *rolls eyes*

Wuss: *confused*

Geb: Sem? What are you doing here?

STT (Semievil the tourturer): I'm tormenting the souls of the damned, what does it look like I'm doing?

Gettle: But... you're in NES.

STT: No, Sem is in NES, I'm Sem.

Geb: *confused*

Wuss: It's simple really- each Sem is merely a fragment of the original evil. The prefix 'Semi' implies that it is only a part, and since it is only a part, naturally other parts exist which make up the whole of evil.

Geb: *confused*

Wuss: Never mind.

Gettle: So what's the deal with this tenth circle thing?

STT: Ahh, yes, the newly installed Tenth Circle: The Healthy, Physique Obsessed Twenty-Something Capitalist Success Stories

Wuss: But wait... being healthy isn't a sin...

STT: Technically no, but the dynamic fits a very wealthy portion of the population, and to be honest, Hell is having some finance problems. But the cash we made froom confiscating and pawning all the stuff these guys try to take with them into the afterlife has covered our anual expenses three times over, and that doesn't even take into account the estate tax revenue!

Gettle: So what kind of torment do you have going down here?

STT: That's the wonderful thing really- they practically torment themselves! The cost of maintaining the tenth circle is insignificant compared to the other circles.

Take for example our first subdivision: the compulsive dieters.

We simply have fast food delivered (charged, of course to their company cards) once a month to each of them. Otherwise starved, they agonize for days about the calorie count involved before finally giving in and eating the food, which by that time has come to life from being constantly reheated. After eating, despite the fact that most of them get food poisoning, they all feel so guilty that they spend the rest of the month rigorously excercising to burn off the extra calories. I mean, in most circles the damned have to be forced to walk on the edge of a lake of brimstone and lava.... these guys jump right in and do laps, screaming all the way!

Wuss: That's diabolical.

__________________
"Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!" - Ego =D

"Eagles may soar, but weasles are never sucked into jet engines." -Anon

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06-23-2002 04:06 AM

Gebohq
Stormtrooper

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
No no, the plot holes were the FOURTH circle...
Haggis: Waaait a minute--when did we get into the eighth circle?

Ford: Aren't you wondering more about when a tenth circle became canon for the atlas of Hell?

Geb: Both points taken. *raises an eyebrow towards STT*

Sem the torturer: Er....uh....boss?

Sem the writer: Don't make me send down Sem from "The Eternal War" to set you all straight.

Geb: Right right, we'll be good. Where were we now?

Highemp: Trekking through the tenth circle to reach the eighth circle, and finally the ninth circle, where I plan to unleash my diabolical--er--I mean, where we'll end Gate's tyrrany over TACC at the root of the problem.

Geb: And get quality porn.

Highemp: Er...right.

Geb: Right. What are we waiting for then?

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06-23-2002 05:07 AM

Semievil333
Stormtrooper

Registered: Jun 2002
Location: My own little world, U.S.A.
Posts: 2
Everyone's a critic...

__________________
"Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!" - Ego =D

"Eagles may soar, but weasles are never sucked into jet engines." -Anon

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06-24-2002 01:28 AM

Highemperor
Stormtrooper

Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
Having added STT to their party, they trekked onward through the tenth circle of Hell, six in all: Gebohq, the ersatz leader; Highemperor, would-be ruler of all that exists; Haggis, some weird kind of food, as I'm given to understand; Ford, a crossable river junction; Semievil the Torturer, an Everquestian turned hero turned goofball turned torturer turned lazy-bum-addicted-to-porn-with-a-paunch (in other words, a clone of Geb); and Gettle, the Bingbearer.

Highemperor: *standing apart from the others, talking to a hologram of a man in a gray robe and cloak* Copy, Agent Beta Black. Excellent work. My army grows ever larger, and soon I shall have the trump! Over and out.

Ford: *jerks finger over at Highemp* What's he doing?

Haggis: *shrugs* Masturbating?

Ford: To a male?

Haggis: *shrugs* Maybe he's homosexual.

. . .

Um, okay, this is where either Geb or Highemp jumps in to defend Highemp's heterosexuality; obviously, Highemp is occupied, but where is Geb?

*Camera pans to Geb, who has planted himself on an armchair made of molten rock in front of a TV watching porno*

Geb: *drool*

Gettle: *sigh*

Haggis: *interested* What's that, Geb?

Geb: *drool* . . . -huh, what? Oh, this is some new Canadian show called The Reality Show of Doooooooom!, I think. They're leaving out the best part, where the man does it with multiple gorgeous women at once! http://forums.massassi.net/html/frown.gif

Haggis: What? Is this some kind of censoring program?

Ford: Hey, would it be Hell if you could watch porno sex?

Haggis: Hmm, guess not.

Geb: Hey, look at this. It says that anyone who swears eternal fealty to Highemperor will get the uncensored version of this episode! *rushes over to Highemp* Okay, Highemp, I agree!

Highemp: http://forums.massassi.net/html/cool.gif *laughs quietly to himself* Muahahahahahaha- er, okay! *hands video tape to Geb, who inserts into the VCR to watch*

Geb: http://forums.massassi.net/html/eek.gif http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Gettle: Now what?

Ford: I dunno, HE'S the leader here. *points to Geb*

Haggis: Hey, Gebbie, we need to decide what to do!

Geb: Well, I guess we- *sees Highemp glaring at him* Er, actually, Highemp's my boss now, so we do whatever HE says!

Highemp: http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Haggis: *whispering to Ford and Gettle* I'm not so sure that was a smart move. . .

TMTGB: Bing?

Highemp: *smiling diabolically* Now we enter the ninth circle of Hell - which, of course, is Canada - to confront the Devil Matthew Pate.

Geb: And get quality porn.

Highemp: Um, you already said that.

Geb: I did? When?

Highemp: Last post.

Geb: Oh.

Ford: Ooh, deja vu.

Haggis: *rounding on Ford* WHAT did you just say?

Ford: Nothing, just some deja vu.

Haggis: You fool, don't you realize what this means?

Ford: Geb has amnesia?

Haggis: NO! They've changed something!

Gettle: But what?

Highemp: *evil grin* I know.

TMTGB: Bing! Bing! BING!!!

Gettle: Oh, no! TMTGB says it's - The BELL That Goes Bing!

Highemp: Not only did my agent, Shadowlord, add TBTGB to the Hell Matrix to keep you occupied, Gettle, but he changed the 9th Circle Access Codes! *punches in a combination, and the metal door into Canada - er, the Ninth Circle - opens; Highemp steps in* Nothing can stop me now! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Geb: Um, right. I'm supposed to be loyal to him, so I have to go where he goes. *steps through door*

And our other heroes quickly follow, the Bingbearer last, followed by TBTGB!

*Narrator looks around*

Hey, now I'm all alone! I'm splittin', too! Bye!

*And the Narrator steps through the door*

-=TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEVERENDING STORY THREAD (COPIED) ON THE MASSASSI FORUMS!=-

-----

-=CONTINUED FROM NeS IN THE REALM OF TACC=-

<<On the eastern coast of Canada, a great granite fortress stands. This is the Ninth Circle of Hell(TM), the headquarters of Matthew Pate (the devil) and his prime minister, High Imp, Highemp's evil(er) twin. Inside the compound, a portal from the newly installed tenth circle opens, and a mysterious figure steps through. . .>>

Highemp: *stepping through portal* Nothing can stop me now! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

<<Right on his heels are Geb, the other heroes, and-->>

Buzz off, beanhead! I'm the Narrator, and I'm back now! I call the shots!

<<--the Narrator. Right, buddy. I hated this job anyway. So long!>>

Highemp: *bellowing* PATE! WHERE ARE YOU?

And so demons beset our heroes as Highemp confronts Pate. What will happen next?

Director: You dang stupid Narrator! Just read your lines, and you'll know what happens next!

Ah, right. Here goes: The lifeboat carrying our "old" heroes lands at the granite fortress, and they get out, wondering how to break in and join the chaos.

Krig: Krig hungry.

Otter: Me too! *winks at Maybe* And you know what I'M hungry for- OOF! *is elbowed sharply by Maybe*

Maybe: *glares at Otter* Krig, you can just eat that lifeboat. I don't think we'll be needing it anymore. We can try to get inside that fortress and steal a chopper!

JorBo: But we're heroes? We can't ste- *is promptly knocked unconscious by Phantom Master, who slings JorBo over his shoulder*

Phantom Master: *in Canadian/Hellish accent* This one shouldn't be a problem anymore.

Elsewhere. . .

Shadowlord: *putting robe and cloak back on* I believe you gentlemen can uncover your eyes now.

Our "new" heroes do indeed do so and discover that their ordeal is over, and the beautiful women have left.

Taz: Whew! Thank goodness!

Kyle: Can we get out of here now?

Fluffy: Yeah, so we introduce those babes to our, uh, "guns". http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Spasm: *smacks Fluffy*

Fluffy: Ow!

Shadowlord: No, dear friends, I'm afraid that you WON'T be able to leave now. I have the strictest orders to leave you in here, out of the way. *leaves the room*

Ooh, now what? I'm just waiting for the next part! What? What's that? Oh, yes, I can just read ahead in my script! Hey! Where's the future script? Not written yet? WHADDYA MEAN "not written yet"? Stupid NeS writers. . . *grumble, grumble* Ah, well, I can content myself watching the uncensored version of The Reality Show of Doooooooom!

-----

NSP: Just so y'all know, Highemp is now Geb's master, and The BELL That Goes Bing is attacking The MACHINE That Goes Bing! Remember that - and leave the confrontation between Highemp and Pate to me, please! http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)

[This message has been edited by Highemperor of the Force (edited June 23, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Highemperor of the Force (edited June 25, 2002).]

Krig the Viking

06-24-2002, 07:39 PM

(NSP: Ayayay, have none of you any idea what *continuity* means? Ye can't just ignore the posts that come before, ya know! *Sigh* I guess I'll do my best to salvage what's left of this story's coherence... )

Inside the Great Granite Fortress, aka the Ninth Circle of Hell ™, the band of Heroes consisting of Highemperor, Gebohq, Cooked Haggis, Ford, and Gettleburger the Bingbearer stand around heroically, waiting for Pate and his minions to appear. Haggis, upon his return to NeS, has resumed his snooty "I'm a french waiter, and I'm better than everybody" attitude. Despite what you would think, none of the heroes are surprised by this. They're all used to Haggis by now.

Haggis: "I say, this place is rather dismal."

Gettle: "Hey, where'd that Semievil the Torturer guy go?"

Highemperor: "I zapped him! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Actually, STT dissapeared in a puff of continuity when he set foot in NeS. You see, there can never be more than one Sem in a given universe at a given time. Unlike a certain other hero that we need not mention... *coughTLTEcough*

Haggis: "I say -"

Just then, Pate appears in a doorway, looking all intimidating and evil! His minions are there too! Egad! Look out, brave heroes!

Meanwhile, the other heroes, the ones who were formerly spread out across the globe, are now inexplicably standing together on the shores of Newfoundland, staring up at the Great Granite Fortress, the Ninth Circle of Hell™. Just for the sake of continuity, lets list off everyone who's there, shall we? Let's see, there's Krig, Otter, Maybe, Jorbo, Phantom Master, Janitor Bob, Michael MacLongname, Losien, Sem, and Lt. Randy. The one's I've left out somehow got left behind.

Lt. Randy: "Hey, um, weren't we just taking a vacation in Australia? How did we get here?"

Sem: "I'm not sure, but I think we drank too much Australian beer, were stuffed into the pouches of kangaroos, and set loose in the outback. I'm still working on how exactly the kangaroos got to Newfoundland..."

Lt. Randy: "Oh, ok. Makes sense to me."

Mick MacLongname: "Hey, Losien, love, why are we in Newfoundland?"

Losien: "I think we took the wrong connecting flight in Buffalo..."

Mick: "So what happened to Galvatron and the Pizza Delivery Guy?"

Zip-pan to Galvatron and Pizza Delivery Guy, sitting on hard chairs in a tiny little office.

Galvatron: "See, I think flight 123 A was Hawaii, and flight 123 B was Newfoundland."

Pizza Guy: "So how did we end up in Communist China again?"

Galvatron: "Well, from what I can tell, we got on flight 321 C, which was then hijacked and flown to Hong Kong, where we were mistaken for American spies. Now we're sitting in this office, waiting to be interrogated."

Pizza Guy: "Ah, I see. And where did we meet up with Mr. T again?"

Mr. T: "Mistah T works fo' the guv'ment, foo'! Ah be spyin' on tha Chinese, an' them foo's foun' me out! Ah pity the foo'!"

Pizza Guy: "I see..."

Zip pan back to the Newfoundland Shore...

Otter: "Do you think they would have any alcoholic beverages in that big Granite Fortress thingy?"

J-Bob: "That's a very dirty fortress... Someone should clean it up."

Lt. Randy: "Do you guys think those guys with horns and pointy tails that are coming towards us are friendly or unfriendly?"

Phantom Master (In Tarzan Accent): "Me think we could climb Granite walls with rope."

Krig's Stomach: "Growl!"

Krig: "Krig hungry!"

Lt. Randy: "Y'know, those guys with horns and pointy tails really don't look friendly. Those pitchforks they're carrying, for one thing, look really painful."

Otter: "I really need an alcoholic beverage of some kind. Whiskey, I think. Yeah, whiskey would be nice."

J-Bob: "I mean, look at all the moss growing on those granite blocks! It's shameful, really!"

Mick: "Agh! Why is the Viking gnawing on my leg?!"
Phantom Master (Indiana Jones Accent): "Of course, we'd need a grappling hook of some kind..."

Losien: "Krig! Stop gnawing on Michael's leg!"

Krig: "Krig... *gnaw gnaw* hungry..."

Lt. Randy: "Y'know, I think those guys with horns and pitchforks have glowing red eyes... "

Otter: "Hey Sem, you wouldn't happen to have a bottle of whiskey on ya, would you?"

J-Bob: "WX-29 should get that moss right quickly. Maybe a touch of acetylchlorophine, too?"

Phantom Master (Tim Taylor Accent): "Arr, a Binford SP2000 grappling hook'd do the trick."

Sem: "Nope, no whiskey, Otter. I have duct tape, though..."

Mick: "Get him off, get him off, get him off!"

Losien: "Maybe! Help! Krig is gnawing on Michael's leg!"

Maybe: "Krig! Stop gnawing on Mick's leg!"

Lt. Randy: "Yep, those guys definitely have glowing red eyes. And y'know, they're headed this way pretty quickly..."

Krig: "Krig sorry. Krig not gnaw on leg any more. Krig just hungry."

Maybe: "Here, have a cookie, Kriggy."

Phantom Master (in English Accent): "Now where would we find such a grappling hook device?"

Krig: "Mmm, cookie."

J-Bob: "No, I don't think acetylchlorophine would provide the right shine. Hydrocetylnorophyl, on the other hand..."

Otter: "Heyyy, little Kriggy, buddy, how ya doin'? Got any alcoholic beverages on ya, my little buddy Kriggy?"

Krig: "RAAAGH! NO CALL KRIGGY! KRIG SMASH!"

Lt. Randy: "Um, guys, do you think we should run away from those guys with horns and tails and pitchforks and glowing red eyes? 'Cause I think that would be prudent at this juncture. They're carrying a big net with them..."

Otter: "AAAGH! GET HIM OFF! GET HIM OFF!"

Maybe: "Losien! Grab his arm! Mick, grab his legs! I'll get his other arm!"

Phantom Master (in Barney the Dinosaur Accent): "Hey, Janitor Bob, you wouldn't happen to have a grappling hook on you, would you?"

J-Bob: "Grappling hook? I don't think so, but I might have some suction cup boots for window washing..."

Lt. Randy: "Hey guys, um, those guys with horns and tails and stuff are throwing that big net at us..."

Mick: "OW! He kicked me in the face!"

Losien: "Oh no! Michael, are you all right? Oh, it's all my fault, I should have -"

Maybe: "Losien!! Don't let go of Krig's arm!!"

Otter: "AAGH! My face, my beautiful face!"

Krig: "KRIG IS NAMED KRIG! NOT KRIGGY! RAAAGH!!"

Sem: "Hey, a net!"

Lt. Randy: "AAHH! They have us in the net! Everybody run for it!"

Phantom Master: "Hey, we could use this net for rope!"

Lt. Randy: "AAHH! I'm caught! My foot is caught in the net!"

Sem: "Oh no! This net is made from duct tape! And it's dark side out!"

Otter: "Owowowowow!"

Maybe: "Krig! Krig, do you want another cookie?!"

Krig: "RAAAGH! KRIG SMA--cookie?"

Maybe: "Yes, I'll give you another cookie, but only if you stop punching Otter in the face."

Krig: "Ok!"

Otter: "Phew, much better. Hey, why are we all caught inside a giant net?"

Phantom Master (Han Solo Accent): "I've got a bad feeling about this."

The guys with the horns and tails and pitchforks - in actuality, more demon minions of Pate - drag the big net full of Heroes towards the Great Granite Fortress; the Ninth Circle of Hell™. Just as they're nearing the massive granite gates, the sound of drunken singing is heard approaching from behind a nearby small hill.

Red Demon #1: "Hey, do you hear drunken singing?"

Red Demon #2: "Yeah, it's awful! It reeks of freedom and good cheer!"

Red Demon #3: "Hey, can we eat these guys in the net? I'm hungry..."

Red Demon #2: "You're an idiot. What should we do about this singing?"

Red Demon #1: "It's coming closer! The hateful singing is coming closer! We must destroy it!"

From over the hill, the source of the rowdy, out-of-tune, discordant, drunken song appears. It is four guys in plaid shirts, jeans, and rubber boots. They're Newfies, the native inhabitants of Newfoundland!

Newfies: "Lalala la lalala lala lalala la la la la..."

Newfie #1: "Shut up your prate! Look hover there, b'y!"

Newfie #2: "Who's this beatin' the pat?"

Newfie #3: "La la la lalala la la..."

Newfie #4: "Lookit them scuts draggin' tha yaffle in tha' net!"

Zip-pan to the minions of Pate.

Red Demon #2: "What are they saying?"

Red Demon #3: "Can we eat them?"

Red Demon #1: "They're Newfies! No being in the universe can understand them! Attack!"

The three demons rush the four Newfies. Just before the two groups join in battle, the camera switches to a close up of the Heroes entagled in the net. They're watching the fight.

Mick: "Ooh! That's gotta hurt!"

Lt. Randy: "Holy cow! That's not a pretty sight!"

Sem: "Ah, I see someone's been working on his kung-fu..."

J-Bob: "Wow! It's just like the Matrix!"

Krig: "Smash! Bang! Biff!"

Otter: "Huh, I can sympathize with that guy..."

Maybe: "Go! Fight! Rip his head off!"

Phantom Master (Bronx Accent): "Woa, calm down lady!"

Losien: "Oh, this is all my fault!"

Finally, the battle comes to an end. The three demons lie on the ground, unconcious. One of the Newfies is tying them up.

Newfie #1: "Idn't dat fulish, b'y, fightin' da b'ys from da Rock!"

Newfie #2: "If I 'ad a face da likes o yers, me son, I'd walk back'rds!"

Newfie #3: "Heeheeheehee!"

Newfie #4: "This duck tape'll hold ya slieveens!"

Newfie #2: "This calls fer some whiskey, b'y!"

Semievil: "They are wise in the ways of the Duct Tape! They are truly great men!"

Otter: "They are wise in the ways of alcohol! They are truly great men!"

Krig: "Krig hungry!"

Randy: "So what are they saying?"

Sem: "I'm not sure. Phantom Master?"

Phantom Master: "Hey, don't look at me! Only Newfies can understand other Newfies!"

Maybe: "Hey, you guys over there! Who are you?"

Newfie #1: "Hoy, what's this? We've a lady hall chinched hup hin da net! What a clobber, b'y!"

Newfie #2: "Hey missus, stay where you're hat and I'll come to where you're to!"

Newfie #3: "Hoohoo!"

Newfie #4: "Where you 'longs to, missus?"

Maybe: "Um... I beg your pardon?"

Newfie #4: "Where... are... you... from?"

Maybe eyes the sky for anvils.

Maybe: "We're from... ah... London! Yes, London! Who are you?"

Newfie #1: "Why we be da Newfie Resistance, b'y! We fights them scuts that built that Fortress, an' who be ballyraggin' all huv Canada now, b'y!"

Sem: "The Newfie Resistance! Underground warriors fighting against those who misuse the power of Duct Tape! This keeps getting better!"

Lt. Randy: "I sure wish someone would get this gator off of my leg..."

Holy Moley! Our heroes have actually ended a post without being in grave danger! This must be one for the books! Oh, wait, the Heroes who have returned from TACC are still in mortal danger. Oh well, too good to be true, I suppose. Tune in next time, maybe, if you feel like it, I guess.

(OOC: Should any of you writers want to research Newfie Slang, y'can go to here (http://www.io.com/~sjohn/sandra/nfsay.htm).)

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited June 24, 2002).]

Tracer

06-25-2002, 11:13 AM

NSP: Oops? I kind of skimmed that section. Heh..heh...yeah.

Do you want to go back and correct the past few posts?

Edit - How many posts to a page?

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited June 25, 2002).]

Gebohq

06-25-2002, 03:52 PM

(NSP: Nah, don't worry about that. PLotholes, even when we try not to use 'em, tend to crop up, and we never bother to go back and fix 'em before. You might also notice a large portion of this page is now the entirity of the TACC side-story. I stuck it in here for unity-purposes, but of course, to get hte full effect (italics, smilies, and whatnot), you'll still have to read the original (which I gave a link to). Also, if possible, I'd like to have the first post on page 35 (there's 40 posts a page, so that leaves 30 before the next page, and there are 10 here so far)--I have something special in plan http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif (I'll be e-mailing you Tracer about it) Thanks!)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited June 26, 2002).]

KyleKatarn7

06-27-2002, 01:15 AM

(NSP: I'm afraid I must apologize for my extended silence, but I've had homework and writer's block and just a dash of laziness. Anyways, On with the story!)

Meanwhile, in a nearby part of Newfoundland, our newbie heros are desperately clawing at the barrier, trying to find some way to reach the chicks.

Spasm: *twitching in frustration* "NOOOOOOO! All those chicks, and that guy doesn't deserve them!!! We at least pretend to be heroes!"

Kyle: "Grah! Stupid "All-purpose" datapad! What a useless piece of junk! They obviously have left out the purpose of breaking through an invisible barrior to reach 25 chicks! I'm suing when I get back!"

Taz: "I'd give up being a saiyan, if only I could get over there!"

Fluffy: *Curled up in a fetal position, weeping openly, and trying to stop from gouging out his own eyes* "Hear no evil, speak no evil, and above all else, SEE NO EVIL!"

At that moment, summoned as if it were some strange deus ex machina, Ares pulls up outside of the Reality Show of Dooooooom™ building in his bright red Viper, jumps out, and begins walking towards the nearest door set in the Great Granite wall...

Ares: *muttering* "These guys should be locked up for cruelty to newbies...That's flat out evil man. And on top of that, they're stealing the ratings from Pay Per View™ no less. What won't these people stoop to. Ahh, here we go."

* During his mutterings, he had walked up to the sole door, and could finally read the sign, which read " Reality Show of Dooooooooom™ A.K.A. Ninth Circle of Hell™." Having read the sign, he walks into the room and surveys the setting with a deep look of pity on his face. *

Can it be true? Have the newbies been inside the Great Granite Fortress™ all this time? Will Ares be able to save them from their Hellish nightmare? Will the heroes ever recover from this? Who will pay for the long years of therapy? Will the newbies have a bout of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? Find out next time on the Never-Ending Story: Return of the Newbies!

P.S. If I messed something up, I blame lack of sleep, so don't be afraid to point it out so I can fix it.

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited June 27, 2002).]

Gebohq

06-27-2002, 08:36 PM

The majority of the heroes that were saved by the Newfie resistance are now...just standing there.

Why don't you guys go saved your other hero friends inside that fortress in front of you?

McLongname: Oh yeah, that was the plan, wasn't it?

Maybe: I was pretty certain we'd get captured though, and thus, the demonic minions would drag us to where the other heroes were, and save us teh trouble of doing a bunch of walking and tedious searching.

Randy: And I sure don't want to venture into the heart of Hell, that's for sure--ow! Stupid gator...

Otter: Indeed!

Go in the fortress already!

Janitor Bob: Geez, the Narrator's been a sourpuss ever since he came back from that TACC sidestory...

ANYWAYS, after I give Janitor Bob an evil glare, the camera zooms to Hong Kong...

*camera zooms to Hong Kong, China.*

...where Galvatron and the pizza delivery man a.k.a. 1337m@|\| find themselves in a rather, um, tight position.

Galv: *trying to free himself from the clutching grasp of one of four hell giants now rampant in Hong Kong* You just HAD to make fun of his name, didn't you?

pizza delivery guy: *in the other fist of the hell giant* What? His name WAS Nimrod...

What will the hell giants do to Galvatron and the pizza delivery guy? Will our heroes be able to defeat the evil known as Pate, and thus, destroy Gate's plan to rule TACC at the source of his power? What other hellish--ah to hell with it. Just read the next post.

Tracer

06-30-2002, 12:36 PM

[This post updated for use with your multimedia PC]

*Galvatron, l33tman and Mr. T are trapped in a dank interrogation cell, somewhere in Hong Kong. Deamons are squeezing our heroes for information.*

l33tman: Stop it! I don't know anything, I swear!

Galvatron: We got on the wrong flight - is that a crime? (Galvatron abruptly stops talking as his Deamon interrogator squeezes harder. His metallic body begins to crumple under the Deamon's strength)

Galvatron: *bzzt* *fzzt* No more, no more!

*Mr. T huddles in the corner. He appears scared, but in reality he's trying to keep the Deamon's attention focused on Galvatron and the pizza guy, so as to protect the homing beacon hidden in one of his many gold-encrusted chains.*

Mr. T: (quietly) Pity the foo' who dies when help is on the way...

Deamon: Talk!

l33tman: We don't know nothing!

Deamon: (rolls up his sleeves) Oh, a wise guy, eh?

*But before the Deamon can pummel the pizza guy, a cracking noise emanating from the rear wall is heard by all. Eveybody turns as fractures begin to appear on the wall, small but getting larger.*

Deamon: What the devil is going on here?

*Finally, the wall is pulled clean off it's foundations to reveal a tow truck. It's cable is attached to the now-fallen wall. Heroic music (http://www.xs4all.nl/~jmm/a-team/sound/at_theme.wav) plays.*

*Close-up of the Tow Truck Driver's face.*

Tow Truck Driver: (his words barely intelligable as they try to get around the gigantic cigar jammed in his mouth) How're you doing, B.A.? Need a little help?

*Freeze frame. Text: Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith.*

*Unfreeze. Close up of Tow Truck Crew, Passenger Seat.*

Tow Truck Passenger: Sure looks like it, Hannibal.

*Freeze Frame. Text: Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck.

*Unfreeze. Hannibal and Faceman remain seated in the Tow Truck, rifles trained on the deamons.*

Hannibal: Don't make a move, pally. We've got you and your boys covered. Murdock, go set 'em free.

*The Thrid Tow Truck Crewer hops off the back and enters the interrogation cell. He sizes up the room, and then scampers toward the chief deamon, framing things with his hands.*

*Close up on Murdock. Freeze Frame. Text: Lt. Charles 'Howling Mad' Murdock.*

Murdock: (to chief deamon) Oh, yes, you vill be perfect for my moovay. Yes, yes, I see zee fury, zee rage, zee talent.

Mr. T: Stop being a damn foo' and help me get this tin can in the truck.

*Murdock helps l33tman to his feet while Mr. T hoists the malfuntioning Galvatron over his shoulder. They both walk back towards the tow truck. Once they enter, Hannibal floors it and they speed off.*

Murdock: (to deamon) Have your agent call me!

*The deamons stand in silent fury.*

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited June 30, 2002).]

Tracer

06-30-2002, 01:27 PM

*Galvatron and l33tman, having escaped the deamons of Hong Kong are now relaxing in their seats aboard a passenger jet headed for Newfoundland. The A-Team is sitting in pairs, Ace and Hannibal, Mr. T and Murdock. Mr. T was kind enough to patch Galvatron back together from various spare parts. As such, Galv is somewhat functional.*

Murdock: Oh, I do hope vee can get in touch with zat deamon about my moovay. He vould be perfect for zee role.

Mr. T:Shut up, foo' (http://www.xs4all.nl/~jmm/a-team/sound/shutup.wav). He nearly killed those two dudes, and I woulda been next.

Murdock: But B.A., he had talent.

Mr. T: What're you talkin' about? You ain't making no movie.

Murdock: Oh, it is my masterpiece, my magnum opus, my grand finale...

Mr. T: That's it. I'm taking a bathroom break, and when I get back you better not be actin' like a foo'.

*As Mr. T stalks off to the bathroom, a flight attendant picks up the intercom.*

Flight Attendant: Greetings, everyone. The captain would like to welcome you all aboard flight 1024, bound for Newfoundland, Canada. There will be a brief politically acceptable snack served at six o'clock.

l33tman: Aren't there any safety procedures? Like what to do in the event of a crash?

Flight Attendant: Have a happy flight, and thank you for choosing Communist Socialist Airlines.

l33tman: Communist Socialist Airlines?

Hannibal: That's right, l33tman. After the collapse of the Soviet Union, Communist Soviet Airlines relocated to China, where their business was welcomed. 'Course, the Chinese made 'em clean up their act and fall in with those tough safety regs, right boys?

*Mr. T exits the lavatory, and the A-Team has a good laugh.*

l33tman: What? What are you laughing about?

Faceman: Oh, nothing. Just sit back and watch the in-flight movie.

l33tman: No, really, what? Are you saying that this aircraft isn't safe?

Galvatron: Never fear. In the event of a crash, I contain an inflatable raft.

*Galvatron opens one of his many hatches and rummages around for some type of floatation device. l33tman is about to rise from his seat, but stops as the jet begins to move.*

Flight Attedant: Please notice that the seatbelt light is on, requiring all passengers to remain seated and strapped. The approximate flight time will be eight hours. Once again, thank you for choosing Communist Socialist Airlines.

l33tman: Help me!

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited June 30, 2002).]

Tracer

07-02-2002, 09:55 AM

NSP: So apparently you're all on vacation or something. Well.

*We return to the Communist Socialist Airlines 707, cruising high above the pacific ocean. Galvatron and l33tman sit peacefully, watching the in-flight film, 'NeS, The Movie'^.*

l33tman: You know, Galv, although this flight has been relativly uneventful, aside from when that flight attendant spilled beer on that man...

*Galvatron pays no attention to the pizza guy, as he continues his search for a life preserver, a personal floatation device, or an inflatable raft. He has already amassed a large pile of steering wheels, musical instruments, metal sheeting and other assorted junk on his tray table.*

l33tman: ...I still have a bad feeling about this whole thing.

Galvatron: Look, a hubcap.

l33tman: I mean, for the last three hours, everyone from the passengers to the flight attendants has been making strange jokes about the safety record of this airline. I feel like I'm missing something big here.

Galvatron: Monkey wrench, air rifle, compass. No sign of any floatation apparatus.

*l33tman sighs and turns back to the movie, which is returning from an intermission. White text forms on the otherwise black screen, reading 'Chapter 23'. l33tman watches with growing interest as a jetliner appears - not unlike the one he is aboard now. The picture cuts to a side view, and the words 'Communist Soviet Russian Secret Intelligence Airlines' are plainly visible. l33tman puts on his thinking hat.*

l33tman: 'Communist Soviet Russian Secret Intelligence Airlines.' Could that be the same airline Hannibal mentioned? Hmm...

*The picture changes, now showing the movie aircraft's wild descent towards the ocean.*

l33tman: ...if 'Communist Soviet Russian Secret Intelligance Airlines' really is 'Communist Socialist Airlines,' then...

Galvatron: A staple gun. Should we crash, we must exercise prudence in remembering not to bring this particluar item onboard the floatation device.

l33tman: (gasp!)...then we're in a lot of trouble!

Galvatron: A digital watch. Perhaps this could aid you in your pizza delivery venture, l33tman. You have mentioned many times wanting to clock yourself -

l33tman: What are you rambling on about? We don't have time for this! Haven't you been watching? We need to get off this airplane now, before we're all killed!

Galvatron: Calm yourself, l33tman. Use this paper bag.

l33tman: Yeah...okay...(he breathes into the proffered paper bag)

Faceman: Look, you need to relax. The fact is, that (gestures to the screen, where the airplane is plummeting towards the ocean) happened a long time ago, and this is a safe and happy airline. They've cleaned up their act. (surpressed laughter)

l33tman: But how can you be absolutely certain of our safety? Bewteen this 'NeS, The Movie^' and my recent hijacking experience, I've developed a fear of flight...

*l33tman resumes hyperventilating. Faceman puts the bag back over his mouth.*

Faceman: I can't be certain about events beyond my control. But what I can say with absolute certainty is that if trouble should arise, if problems should crop up, if evil should strike at this jet aircraft, The A-Team will be there, fighting for the side of good.

l33tman: Well, that's a relief, I guess...

*Just as l33tman gets calmed down, Hannibal pops into the conversation.*

Hannibal: Actually, that's not quite true. See, we'll be coming up on our next target in, oh, five minutes or so. (he champs down on another huge cigar) A-Team, assemble at the aft door!

*At this the A-Team hurries over to the aft door. Once there, Hannibal hands out parachutes.*

l33tman: No, you can't leave me here! What if something goes terribly wrong? I don't feel safe with Galvatron, he hasn't been the same since Mr. T's repairs!

*He looks back at Galvatron, who continues to pull various items out of his seemingly bottomless chest cavity and comment on them.*

Hannibal: (putting on parachute) It's B.A., son, and as much as I'd like to stay and enjoy a nice, quiet flight, we've got a contract to evict a drug baron from a remote island. So I'm afraid we can't remain here.

Mr. T: This's crazy, Hannibal. I don' wanna sit around in no Commie aircraft, but I sure as hell ain't jumpin' outta one either!

Hannibal: That's alright, B.A., I've got it all planned out...

Mr. T: Whatta you mean, 'planned out'?

Faceman: He's on the jazz, B.A.

Hannibal: ...But before we go, wouldn't you like to finish your milk?

Mr. T: (snatches his half-drunk milk carton) I'm gonna sit right down, and I'm gonna drink my milk.

*Predictably, Mr. T drinks his milk and passes out.*

Hannibal: (straps Mr. T into a 'chute) He'll wake up in time to pull the ripcord.

*He then gives Faceman the signal. Face slides back the latch and pushes open the door. The wind howls inside.*

l33tman: Please, if you won't stay, at least take me with you!

Hannibal: Sorry, son! Just hang on to that paper bag and you'll be fine! Here, have some of this citrus drink, it'll calm ya down!

*l33tman eyes the fruit drink suspiciously, and then takes a cautious sip.*

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Russian technology, ahoy!"

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

"Come on, we've got to stop him!"

BLAM!

"Revive yourself..."

FLUSH! GURGLE! (Submarine-type sounds)

"l33tman..."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Galvatron: l33tman, revive youself!

*Awareness groggily seeps into l33tman's skull. He is lying on a fully reclined chair, still onboard the 707. An even larger mound of junk is piled upon Galvatron's tray table, while 'My First Chemistry Kit' is set up on his.*

Galvatron: As far as I can tell, l33tman, the citrus drink given to you by Colonel Smith contined a sedative. Unfortunately, the instructions were not clear as to seperating hydocholophol from adium-twelve, so I was unable to determine exactly what you ingested. (he picks up the back of the box and looks it over) Worse, my efforts to locate a floatation device have proven futile. But, I will persist.

l33tman: Never mind your rubber raft, just tell me what happened!

Galvatron: Replace your headphones upon your ears, the portion of the story in question is about to play out on the video screen.

*Not entirely comprehending, l33tman puts on his headphones and tunes in to 'NeS, The Movie^.'*

Hannibal: Here, have some of this citrus drink, it'll calm ya down!

*l33tman eyes the fruit drink suspiciously, and then takes a cautious sip. Predictably, he passes out. Murdock drags the pizza guy back to his seat and Galvatron puts the headphones on l33tmans head. That same heroic tune (http://www.xs4all.nl/~jmm/a-team/sound/at_theme.wav) plays once more.*

Voice-Over: If you have a problem...

*Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith salutes the passengers and jumps out of the open door.*

Voice-Over: If you can find them...

*Lt. Templeton 'Faceman' Peck flashes his winning grin to the passengers, and then flings himself out of the jet.*

Voice-Over: And if you can afford them...

*Lt. Charles 'Howling Mad' Murdock babbles something about his epic movie, unaudiable in the screaming wind, and pushes Mr. T's comatose form out into the sky.*

Voice-Over: Then maybe you can hire...

*Murdock gives the passengers a thumbs-up, and then throws himself into the wild blue yonder.*

Voice-Over: The A-Team.

*l33tman unplugs himself to address Galvatron.*

l33tman: So that's what happened; the sneaky *******s. You know, Galv, I think that rest did me some good, I don't feel quite so tense and panicky anymore.

Galvatron: Our situation has become somewhat more urgent. For example, this aircraft is flying at an attitude of 57 degrees.

l33tman: Holy smokes, you're right! What'll we do? Argh! Where's my paper bag?

Galvatron: And as I stated earlier, I have been unable to locate any sort of water safety device.

l33tman: WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!

Galvatron: I do not believe that that particular outcome has been irrevocably decided. Let us investigate the situation from the cockpit.

*Galvatron promptly drops the ladel-and-spatula set extracted from his storage compartment and strides towards the forward section of the 707, followed by l33tman. None of the passengers seem particularly upset or worried at the current turn of events. Screaming people, elite strike teams, creative piloting; it's all commonplace on Communist Socialist Airlines.*

Galvatron: (Opens the cockpit door) The situation appears more dire than I had originally believed.

l33tman: WE'RE IN AN OUT OF CONTROL AIRCRAFT THAT IS BEING FLOWN BY AN ANTIQUITATED PUNCH-CARD COMPUTER!

Galvatron: Be calm. Perhaps there is some way to restore the computer to it's proper functionality.

l33tman: THE PUNCH REEL IS FOULED! WHERE ARE THE PILOTS?!

Galvatron: Quite right, l33tman. The reel appears to be torn in the feeder, destroying critical flight data before it can reach the reading head. Hence, our current predicament. As for the pilots, I suspect they were laid off when the company shifted from Russian to Chinese control.

*The 707 shudders, and it's nose takes a drastic and sudden drop.*

l33tman: HOLY GOD, WE'RE DONE FOR!

Galvatron: One possible solution would be to punch our own reel, and replace the damaged one.

l33tman: (puffing madly into his paper bag)

Galvatron: I believe there is a hole punching device on my tray table. I shall attempt to retrieve it.

*Galvatron exits the cockpit, leaving l33tman alone with his frantic thoughts. Images of the past swim through his mind: Getting seperated from the rest of the heroes and boarding the wrong flight, his and Galvatron's brutal interrogation and subsequent escape in Hong Kong, Mr. T's haphazard repair of Galvatron. The A-Team. l33tman puts his hand on the empty pilot's seat. The A-Team. The Heroic Theme (http://www.xs4all.nl/~jmm/a-team/sound/at_theme.wav) strikes up...*

l33tman: I've got to do this. I've got to save us all.

*And so, amid the wailing wind and the blaring alarms and the punch-tape flapping about the cockpit, l33man straps himself in and wraps his hands around the control column.*

Galvatron: (returns) I see you are attempting to manually regain control of the aircraft. As my search for my hole punching device failed, I shall attempt to aid you by locating the 'For Dummies' book on the subject. (he looks around the cramped cockpit) Ah, here it is.

l33tman: (his face a mask of determination) Let's do it.

Galvatron: 'Lesson One: The Principles of Flight.'

*Meanwhile, the Reality Show of Doooooom! plods on to it's unbearable conclusion. The 'new' heroes sit around, staring at the eye-gougingly beatutiful harem surrounding Shadowlord.*

Kyle7: Maybe we can break through the glass barrier by repeatadly hurling our bodies at it.

*With no warning whatsoever, the Communist Socialist Airlines 707 comes crashing down into the television studio, kicking up all kinds of debris. It skids to a stop, cutting a swath through the other studios and soundstages. Everyone stands in place, flabbergasted.*

Kyle7: Well, I don't think any of us expected that to happen.

Galvatron: (exiting the 707) Well, you performed the chapter four assesment adequately, but you faltered during the chapter five review task. Would you care to try again?

l33tman: (exiting the 707) Not now, Galv, I think we'd better check out the damage.

Galvatron: Ah, we appear to have had an unlikely chance encounter with the 'new' heroes. Greetings.

Spasm: Hey, the barrier's still standing!

Galvatron: Yes. In an ironic turn of events, the barrier protecting the scantly clad women from your sexual drive was the only part of the studio to survive high-speed contact with a fully loaded jet.

Spasm: Well, no problem, we can just go around!

Galvatron: I am afraid not.

l33tman: Yeah, I patched into the Hall of Heroes computer with the radio and accessed the update screen. The 'old' heroes are in Newfoundland, heading for conflict with Pate. We've got to get over there and help!

Spasm: But...we could bring the lovely ladies with us, right?

Galvatron: As I previously stated, this jet aircraft is loaded to capacity. Four passengers turned out to be a crack commando unit known as 'The A-Team,' who bailed out when we were still over the ocean. Therefore, there is room for you five (he indicates the 'new' heroes) and only you five.

Spasm: But you said there were only four seats available.

Galvatron: One of you will have to ride in the luggage compartment.

Spasm: (grasping at straws) Does that hunk of scrap even work?

l33tman: (beaming) She's a tough old beast, aren't you, baby? (he gives the 707's beat up nose an affectionate pat)

Galvatron: The 'A-Team' has left him somewhat inspired.

Spasm: Fine, whatever. Come on, guys, let's go. I think we have to.

Fluffy: Yeah, part of being a hero, I guess.

Kyle7: Cheer up, guys! I bet there are babes in Canada too!

*It is with this happy though that the 'new' heroes climb aboard the 707. After a quick pre-flight (Galvatron and l33tman review 'Lesson 3: Preparing to Fly'), l33tman whisks the jet into the air, full of confidence and new purpose. Shadowlord, Ares and the harem stand in the wreckage of the television-studio complex, watching as it soars off to confrontation.*

^NeS, The Movie:

THE HEROES
Steve Buscemi as Gebohq, Joe Pesci as Krig, Quentin Tarantino as Janitor Bob, Wil Wheton as Fluffy, Russel Crowe as Antestarr, Mel Gibson as CookedHaggis, Leonard Nimoy as The Last True Evil, Tom Cruise as Gettleburger, Johnathan Frakes as Highemperor, Chris Lloyd as Jorbo, Michael Madsen as Michael Macfarlane, Christopher Walken as Kyle 7, Bruce Willis as Otter, John Cleese as Phantom Master, Optimus Prime as Galvatron, Brent Spiner as Lt. Randy, George Clooney as Semievil, Val Kilmer as Spasm, Michael Richards as Taz, Chris Rock as TX3_Gandalf, Alec Baldwin as Wuss, James Earl Jones as Tracer, Sean Greene as l33tman, Carrie Fisher as Mabyechild, Marlon Brando as AKPigott, Chris Tucker as MZZT, Harrison Ford as Masetto, Kris Kristofferson as Ford, Keanu Reeves as Absolver and Daryll Hannah as Losien.

THE VILLIANS
Rutger Hauer as Ares, Steve Martin as Phil, Patrick Stewart as Darkside, Uma Thurman as Keyboarding Teacher, Alfred Hitchcock as High Deamon, Michael Ironside as Morris the cat, Brion James as "They", Al Pacino as Satan, Gonzo the Great as Burby00, Joseph Turkel as Pol Pot, Michael Douglas as Hitler, John Travolta as Fidel Castro, Richard Gere as Shadowlord, Eugene Levy as Farr, Chris Penn as Matthew Pate and Robert DeNiro as Bill Gates.

OTHERS
Mr. T as himself. Cameo appearance by 'The A-Team' (Dirk Benedict, Dwight Schultz and Jackie Chan filling in for George Peppard). Also featuring Mark Hamil as himself. Special guest Mick Jagger as Ernie. Narrated by Sean Connery.

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited July 02, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited July 02, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited July 02, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited July 02, 2002).]

IS_ford1342

07-02-2002, 11:37 AM

NSP: i must say you've outdone yourself tracer. i applaud you. *claps*

Highemperor of the Force

07-02-2002, 01:09 PM

Note: Actually, Shadowlord and the beautiful women had already left the room, if you had bothered to read my last post carefully. Ah, well. http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)

Tracer

07-02-2002, 01:33 PM

NSP: ******.
[We can't say 'Damn it'?]
[Hey, 1337 posts! Somebody make a joke!]
[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited July 02, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited July 02, 2002).]

KyleKatarn7

07-03-2002, 01:23 AM

(ooc: I must say Tracer, that was very well done, and was rather inspirational to boot. *applause* I know somebody's gonna have a tough time following that, but since it's gotta be somebody, it might as well be me...)

Gebohq: *stunned* "...Did they just do what I think they did??..."

Lt. Randy: "If you think the "new" heroes just left for Newfoundland in search of us when they were already here, right in front of us, then yes, it happened..."

Krig: "KRIG HUNGRY!!!!"

Lt. Randy: "Jeez...if you're that hungry, why don't you eat this alligator chewing on my foot, that nobody seems to notice!"

Krig: "What alligator?"

Lt. Randy: "AAAARRRRRGHHHH!!" *storms off*

Krig: *to Maybe* "No, really, what a alligator?"

(ooc: I'm sorry, but I have to apologize for that poor excuse for a pun. To subscribe to the Premier-class Never-Ending Story, with good excuses for puns, send 15$ a day to Kyle Katarn, Massassi Forum Building.)

Meanwhile, back on the airplane, that just set off for Newfoundland from....Newfoundland?! Now come on, that can't be right...*mumblings by some other guy* Yeah..yeah...you're sure about this? Uh huh...guess that makes sense. Allright...Meanwhile, back on the airplane bound for Newfoundland...

Spasm: "Hey guys, any idea what the in-flight movie is?"

Kyle: *muffled* "Movie? What movie?"

Spasm: "The movie right in front of us, what are you, blind?!"

Kyle: *muffled* "Well, you'll have to forgive me, but I *am* stuffed in an overhead compartment."

Spasm: "Yeah, but...why?"

Fluffy: *also muffled* "Because it takes two people to play chess, jeez."

Spasm: "Ahhh, k."

(NSP: oh yeah, just read High Emp's post and all I can say is...oops...what if we say their eternal punishment in the 9th circle of hell was to watch reruns of that show over and over, for all eternity? Oh yeah, and if this post doesn't make sense, keep in mind this was done at 2 in the morning.

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited July 03, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited July 03, 2002).]

Semievil333

07-03-2002, 03:00 PM

Zip pan to Newfoundland TSTC (Tourmented Soul Training Corps.) Regional Training Center. Farr stands on the festering corpse of a fallen soul with a megaphone in one hand, directing the excercises of a hundred or so uhh... extravagantly dressed souls. Purple suits with pink feathers abound. As the aerobics begin the feathers transform into native american headresses, cowboy hats and hard-hats, and the suits into construction gear, cop uniforms, and military dress.

Farr:

"Panders, there's no need to feel down.
I said, panders, lay yourself on the ground.
I said, panders, its a new world of pain
There's no need to be unhappy.

Panders, there's a place you will go.
I said, panders, when you're damned it will show.
You will burn there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to suffer in time."

Music and dancing stop suddenly and camera pans to Random Audience Member.

RAM: "Hey, wait a second, these guys aren't suffering! I mean sure you dressed 'em up funny, but they were all kind of... alternative to begin with."

Farr: "Ohh, you shall see, simple one http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Allright people, let's pick it up where we left off:

It's fun to suffer in H-E-L-L.
It's fun to suffer in H-E-L-L.

They have everything from affliction to toil,
You can get yourself boiled in oil...

It's fun to suffer in H-E-L-L.
It's fun to suffer in H-E-L-L."

The panders all struggle in vain to make the H's and E's. Some break their arms, some try to double up on the letters, some even try to cheat by making lower-case h's. When they fail, they are scalded, whipped and otherwise mutilated.

Keyboarding Teacher: "Hell is a proper noun!" *tears off the leg of one of the cheaters and clubs him over the head with it before pouring hot oil on him and setting it ablaze* "Now do it again!"

As the song progresses the SATU (small autonimous townlike unit) People are brought to a seething frenzy.

Farr: "Behold, hell's *Farr is suddenly smacked in the forhead by a flying keyboard* ermn... Hell's answer to the Newfie resistance: The SATU People!"

zip-pan to the 'old' heroes, standing around chatting with the Newfies

Krig: "Krig hear something catchy..."

Off in the distance a mass of oddly dressed dancing men are runnning towards the group.

Heroes, are you messin with me?
I said, heroes, what do you want to be?
I said, heroes, you can run if you want.
But you got to know this one thing!

No man can escape from Hell's wrath.
I said, heroes, come take your oil bath,
And just go there, to the torture and pain
I'm sure they can hurt you today.

You're all gonna burn in H-E-L-L!
You're all gonna burn in H-E-L-L!

Some of the SATU People falter and fall behind, limbs flailing, trying to make the letters, but most just keep running towards the heroes.

Lt. Randy: "Maybe they can get this alligator off my leg..."

Sem: "Do not try to get rid of the alligator. Instead, only try to realize the truth."

Lt. Randy: "Which is?"

Sem: "There is no alligator."

Lt. Randy stares hard at the alligator for a minute, watches the body of the alligator twist and contort, realizes that it's still chewing, and gives up. The alligator remains twisted, contorted, and attached to Randy's leg.

You guys are really a lost cause you know that? I ought to just let the SATU People kill you all!

Lt. Randy: "There is no narrator."

What the? Hey! That's not! What the? I'm all twisty! Hey! WTH? This is NOT cool!

Lt. Randy: "Dude! This rules!"

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

CookedHaggis

07-03-2002, 04:28 PM

So we cut back to Highemperor, Gebohq, Cooked Haggis, Ford, and Gettleburger the Bingbearer, who are facing off against Pate and his minions

Geb: And so my Uncle Walter replies; "but how else am I supposed to get teh gerbil out?!"

All: Hahaha

Random Clever Audience Member: That's part of a joke from Mallrats. Which presumably this writer has just seen, and will procede to rip lines and scenes from.

Anyway, Highemperor, Gebohq, Cooked Haggis, Ford, and Gettleburger the Bingbearer, are facing off against Pate and his minions. Or at least they *should* be facing off. At the moment they're just telling jokes, sleeping and occasionally checking their watches.

Pate: So do you think everyone's forgotten about us? I mean, we haven't featured in a reply for ages.

Geb: Nah, this is how NeS goes. To be honest, I prefer not being featured. It lets us kick back and do all the stuff we can't do on a G rated forum.

Ford: Like what?

Geb: Well, promise you won't tell anyone...

Ford: Hey, it's me!

RCAM: See, that's a line that Harrison FORD says in Star Wars...clever, isn't it?

Geb: Well, I quite like to [CENSORED] with some [CENSORED] and lots of [CENSORED], using up the [CENSORED] while she [CENSORED], [CENSORED] and [CENSORED]. Usually while [CENSORED].

Ford: Wait, why was [censored] censored out? It's not like it's a bad thing.

Geb: It is the way I do it. Trust me on this...

Gettle: Uh...guys? The big fight...with Pate and his minions...like, now....?

Pate: Hey! Overuse of ellipsis is MY department.

Gettle: Funny.

Pate: No really, it is. I have a badge and everything.

Pate shows them his "Matthew Pate: AED" [Australian Ellipsis Department] badge

Gettle: Huh. Well I'd be damned.

Pate: Haha, good one.

Gettle: What?

Pate: Damned...your trip to hell...slight connection there...

Haggis: Excuse me sirs, I hate to interrupt, but I feel we simply must get started soon, otherwise we might be frightfully late for the next post. And I don't know about you chaps, but tardiness is something I find awfully repugnant.

Pate: Jesus Haggis, what the hell happened to you?

All the other NeSers: He's a waiter...duh...

Pate: Not at TACC he isn't...And don't use ellipsis ******!

Tracer

07-03-2002, 04:48 PM

NSP: What happened to Absolver? He just kind of disappears in the middle of the TACC story. Can we (I) write him back again?

I meant the character Absolver, not the poster.

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited July 04, 2002).]

IS_ford1342

07-04-2002, 06:58 AM

NSP: asolver is/was TLTE, same guy. but shhhhhh....its a secret, except he very obviously told us in this (http://forums.massassi.net/html/Forum7/HTML/000334.html) thread. Beep.

[This message has been edited by IS_ford1342 (edited July 04, 2002).]

Gebohq

07-04-2002, 01:44 PM

As the hell-bound SATU draws ever closer, our heroes begin to worry that they might be swept within the frenzy of the catchy song and dance. Fortunately for the heroes (and rather UNfortunately for the SATU), the plane that the "new" heroes (which are beginning to get "old") were in lands. And when I say "lands," I mean crashes like a giant goldfish might if it began flopping on dry land. In this moment, the village people-esque dance crazy ends, and the giant goldfish flop craze begins. In the years to come, those that claimed to have "begun" the craze (and thus own the rights to it) claim to be bigger than Jesus, and are promptly sued by the Roman Catholic Church.

The plane, and the unfortunate hell-bound souls known as the SATU, simply ceased to be...again.

Galvatron, 1337m@n, Kyle, MZZT, JorBo, Spasm, Fluffy, Taz, and Gand exit the plane via the emergency inflatable slide. Because the slide was not inflated at the time though, each of them fell straight to the ground some twenty feet below them.

Galv: *to l337m@n* I think perhaps I shoul fly next time.

pizza deliver guy (a.k.a. l337m@n): At least the mass unit of hell-bound souls softened the descent.

Spasm: We made it!

Randy: But you never really... er... nevermind.

Kyle: So what are we waiting for? Let's do something heroic already!

Maybe: Er...right. This way!

The mass numbers that are the heroes enter the Great Granite Fortress, drawing in upon Matthew Pate and the heroes that had been at TACC.

J-Bob: *looking around while trekking through the fortress* Why don't evil villans always have to have fortresses...
------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, (NeS count: More than you can imagine...) at The Arena, Bert and Ernie continue battling each other.

Ernie: Why won't you just DIE!?!?!?!

Bert: You first!

Ernie: That was a rhetorical question.

Bert: And I had a rhetorical answer.

Ernie: I don't do well with returning rhetorics...

From the background, Phil the UGO driver flags the two for their attention, interrupting their battle.

Phil: *ahem*

Ernie: What?

Phil: Why'd you kill all the people I was with?

Ernie: I doubt they died--they just fell down a hole.

Phil: Well they could have! Besides, what'd they do to you!

Ernie: Nothing, really. It's jsut my nature to eliminate others, as I'm eeeeevil.

Phil: You evil people are all alike! Picking on innocents like Darkside and Farr and Gettle's keyboarding teacher...

Bert: Er...

Phil: ...they just wanted to rule the world! Is that so much to ask?

Bert: I'm pretty sure they were evil too.

Phil: What?

Now that all of the heroes are gathering shortly to confront Matthew Pate, will they succeed in stopping his evilness? Who will win the battle near the Arena a.k.a. Lgion of Spookay? Will Phil ever come to his senses about who he associates with, and what of Gettleburger, who seems to also exist within the Arena due to TMTGB? Find out in the next post!

(NSP: Considering Highemperor asked a whole bunch to do the Pate confrontation, I was gonna leave it to him to do that, though most of the heroes aren't OFFICIALLY where Pate is yet, so more could plausibly be added before then. I also resurfaced the Ernie-thingy, though I think only Krig really knows what's going on with them--I don't know what's really going on there anyways. Anywhos, just doing mah part in the big thread o' NeS http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited July 04, 2002).]

TheTwistedSpasm

07-06-2002, 09:06 AM

(NSP: I was going to try to post something, but I'm afraid I'm all confused here. Could someone please clarify where all the Heros are?
One other thing. Several people seem to be getting my personality a little mixed up. Most of my lines so far would have been much better as Fluffy's lines. Trust me. I may think like that, but I don't ussually actually say it. Or something.)

TheTwistedSpasm

07-06-2002, 09:08 AM

(NSP: I was going to try to post something, but I'm afraid I'm all confused here. Could someone please clarify where all the Heros are?
One other thing. Several people seem to be getting my personality a little mixed up. Most of my lines so far would have been much better as Fluffy's lines. Trust me. I'm more the person who quietly sits by and snickers loudly at other's pain. As soon as I figure out where everybody is, I'll demonstrate.)

Highemperor of the Force

07-06-2002, 05:06 PM

Pate: Yeah, Geb? Well I like to [CENSORED] my [CENSORED] [CENSORED], as well as [CENSORED] and [CENSORED], not to mention [CENSORED], and I even [CENSORED]!

Geb: Yeah, well, that's not so great.

Pate: Ah, but you see, I do it all at the same time!

All: *gasp*

Highemp: Enough of this senseless prattle! End this pointless debate! Cease the incessant babbling! Halt the-

Ford: *tapping Highemp on shoulder* Um, excuse me?

Highemp: -stupidity! Stop- Eh?

Ford: I think you're being a hypocrite.

Highemp: Hypo-what? Is that anything like a hypodermic needle - cuz I HATE NEEDLES!

The writer of this post is promptly sued by Highemp for making him look weak and stupid: defamation of character. The court ruled in favor of this post's writer on the grounds that Highemp is merely a fictional character-

Highemp the Writer: Heh, maybe now, but not for long!

-so instead Highemp blasts the writer into oblivion.

Gettle: Hey! What in blazes was that? The writer of this post IS Highemp! Was he suing himself?

Highemp: Hey, you suggesting that I have a split personality or somethin'?

Gettle: *remembering the concept of pain* Er - no. http://forums.massassi.net/html/redface.gif

Highemp: Prepare to face ME, Pate! Muahahahahahahahahahaha!

Pate: Hey, buster, you'd better watch it, I'M the Devil and have exclusive rights to that evil laugh!

Highemp: So sue - er, nevermind. Anyway. . . *throws a gigantic net over Pate* Ha! I've got you now!

Haggis: Pardon me, ol' chap, but isn't Pate too evil to be contained by a net?

Highemp: Ah, but THIS net has the Anti-Evilizer(TM)! It neutralizes his evilness to an extent that he can be held!

RAM: Oh, puh-LEEZE. You people are always creating new things out of thin air!

Actually, out of paper and ink.

RAM: Oh.

Highemp: Now, my plan is complete! Hey, Shadowlord! Get me a TV feed to the entire omniverse!

Shadowlord: Yes, sir!

A few moments later. . .

Shadowlord: Master, the satellite antenna isn't working. What should we do?

Highemp: Hmm. . . Geb!

Geb: *flipping through a porno mag* Eh?

Highemp: Stand on this device and be the antenna!

Geb: Um, right. *dubiously does as Highemp commands*

Shadowlord: *switches on the TV camera*

Highemp: *addressing the entire Universe* Attention, entire Universe! I have neutralized Matthew Pate's evil!

Entire Universe: Yay!

And there was much rejoicing. . . and frolicking. . . and beer guzzling. . . and-

Highemp: But unless you swear fealty to ME and ME ALONE, I shall unleash him upon you all! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Entire Universe: *gasp* NOOOOOOOO!

Gettle: No problem, I'll just get TMTGB to bing Pate back into Hell!

Highemp: Ah, but that's what The Bell That Goes Bing is for!

TBTGB comes out of the portal and confronts TMTGB!

-----

Will post more tomorrow, gotta go now.

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)

Gebohq

07-06-2002, 07:10 PM

(NSP: Spasm, check the top of page 29--I jsut specified which heroes are with Highemperor and Pate (officially) and which are heading towards Pate. Basically everyone is in the Great Granite Fortress though. And just a little something that I kept imagining in Highemperor's last post...)

As Highemperor made known his demands within all of existance (well, at least those with T.V. sets. I mean, really, if they don't have one, they can't be worth the trouble to threaten, right?), Gebohq continues to act as the antennae, his body twitching every now and then from the power surging through him.

Geb: FZZZZZZT!...GHZZZZZT!...if only I could--ZZZZZT!--reach the porno. It--ZZZZZT!--ow....

*Gebohq tries to move to reach the porno (published in the 9th circle of Hell, of course) when Highemperor stops him.*

Highemp: --did I say you could move?

Geb: Uh...

Highemp: Get back to your spot!

Geb: But the porn magazine! It's so goood!

Highemp: Actually, it's rather bad, like evil, coming from Hell and all...*realizes Geb didn't listen to his command* --I said get back!

*Gebohq wimpers like a pitiful puppy and stands back where he was, continuing to act as the antennae.*

Highemp: ...dangit, now I forgot where I was...

Highemperor of the Force

07-09-2002, 01:13 PM

Highemp: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The Bell That Goes Bing will out-bing The Machine That Goes Bing! Muahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Gettle: Ulp!

Bell: BING!

Machine: Bing?

Bell: Bing?!

Machine: Bing!

Bell: Bingbingbing!

Machine: BingBINGbing!

Bell: Bing, bingbing, bing!

Machine and Bell: Bingbingbingbingbing!

Highemp: What? What's goin on?

Gettle: Ha-ha! They've become the best of friends!

Highemp: What? No!

Gettle: And now, as the Bingbearer, I banish Pate back to Hell, locking him there forever, so you CAN'T threaten the world with him! Plus, I captured on live television, and" - glancing at the camera - "boy, do I look GOOD on camera!"

Highemp: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)

Gebohq

07-10-2002, 07:36 PM

And so it was that Matthew Pate was removed of his office as Prince of Darkness by the Bingbearer, with Satan once more as er...Satan. In the changing of the command position, funding once supported by Pate were drastically cut--the 10th circle was removed, many demonic hordes were "downsized", and the grant given to Bill Gates' evil scheme to conquor TACC was taken back, leaving Gates only able ot return to Massassi. The populace of Canada, however, demanded that Prime Minister High Imp remain in his office, and thus, Hell's dominion over Canada is still left in the hands of several political summits.

The heroes, on the other hand, are rather dumbstruck, as they are often not use to deciding what to do when given the option.

Highemp: Er...uh...hi friends. Heh heh heh....

Geb: Am I still his lackey...?

Ford: So are we going to just let Highemperor get away with what he just tried to do?

All the other heroes: Uh...er...

Highemp: Look over there!

*As everyone looks the other way, Highemperor makes a mad dash, escaping the scene.*

Maybe: ...right then. Back to the Hall of Heroes?

*general shrugs of acceptance from the others, as the group makes their way back to the Hall of Heroes.*

Meanwhile, a sinister evil is brewing...

...

...yes, this is foreshadowing to the NeS game substory, silly! So time to kill until the next page! Wheeee!

(NSP: Whaaa? We gotta have SOME plot-moving posts, even if they all go in a downward, coutner-clockwise spiral (or clockwise, depending on which hemisphere you're in http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif). So um, yeah.)

ENSIGN

07-11-2002, 12:08 PM

then they all died and came back to life

Jagged Conscience

07-11-2002, 02:36 PM

I think it would be very ironic if this thread got closed, and there's also a valid reason - You're not allowed to dig up old threads!

I have no contribution since I got bored on the first page, so I decided not to read the other 33.

Hope you enjoy it though!

Highemperor of the Force

07-12-2002, 01:47 PM

Our heroes return to the Hall of Heroes, to find Highemp bound and gagged in a chair.

All the females: Yes! Now we can enact our fantasies with him!

Maybe: Hey, who wrote that line? It's disgusting!

Hey, I'm just reading my script, too. I think Highemp the Writer wrote that line.

Losien: Well, that explains it. He's always wanting his character to have sexual appeal.

Highemp: Mmmghh, mmmmmmgh!

TMTGB: Bing! *Highemp is miraculously untied and ungagged*

Highemp: Thanks. Hey, guys, I had the weirdest experience. Someone jumped me while I was here a while back and told me he was going to impersonate me on a trip to the realm of TACC!

All Heroes: Oh, okay. We'll find that other guy sometime and, er, well, do some heroic thing about him. But for now, welcome back! It's good to know you're not a bad guy after all!

Highemp: *grins broadly* Thanks! *mutters softly to himself* The fools. They actually bought that story.

What? Hey guys! I just overheard something Highemp said-gh! Mmmmgh! Mmmmmmmmmgh-mmmgh, mmmmmgggh, mgh! *is gagged by Highemp

-----

Mmmgh-mmgh. . .

<<Translation: Meanwhile. . .>>

Geb the Writer: Speaking of whom, where IS Highemp the Writer?

Krig the Writer: Yeah, we haven't seen him once the entire story! He's never been introduced!

*At that moment, Janitor Bob the Writer and Maybe the Writer are creeping the dark and cobwebbed halls of the Massassi Forums building in vain search of inspiration*

JTW: Hey, here's a door I've never seen. Wonder what's behind it?

*Ominous music plays*

MTW: *opens the door*

Mmmmgh! Mmmgh-mmmmmggghh!

<<Translation: Behind the door is a young man, with dark brown hair, conservatively cut, brown eyes, glasses, and hearing aids, who is 5'10.5; there are wires protruding from his skull leading to a strange device connected to the computer.>>

JTW: Hey, who's this?

MTW: Hmm, the NeverEndingStory.doc is up on the screen.

JTW: Wonder what'll happen if I pull the plug? *yanks wires out of the young man's skull*

Young man: *blinks*

-----

Will post more later, DON'T POST UNTIL I HAVE POSTED, PLEASE, bye!

-----

In the story world. . .

Spasm: Hey, I think the Narrator was trying to tell us something; what do you think, Highemp?

Highemp: . . .

Spasm: Weird. He's totally zoned out. *waves hand in front of Highemp's eyes with no response* Hey, guys, check this! Highemp's mind is gone!

All females: Ooh, now he's right where we-

Maybe: ENOUGH of this! I thought we already established that Highemp is NOT sexually appealing.

RFAM (Random Female Audience Member): Speak for yourself, sister! *tries to rush up on stage*

Maybe: *sigh* Will that writer NEVER stop trying?

-----

Simultaneously, in the real world. . .

MTW: *to young man* So who are you, chum?

JTW: I dunno, but his glasses are quite dusty. *takes out cloth and cleans them*

Young man: *blinking* Hey, what happened?

JTW: I'm not sure, but you were plugged into the computer - literally.

Young man: Oh, yes. You unplugged me, didn't you?

JTW: Er - yeah. Why?

Young man: *sigh* Hi. *holds out hand to shake* I'm Highemp the Writer. I was inhabiting the body of my character, Highemperor, in the story world.

JTW: Whoa! Real Matrix-y stuff!

MTW: *charges forward, pummeling HTW* You fiend! You wrote my character hanging all over your character!

HTW: Um - sorry? *twists his arms, and MTW flips over onto her back* Yep, knew that black belt would come in handy SOMEday. Um, anyway, now that I'm out, I guess I'd better stay out until I can make some more preparations. I've made a new plan! Muahahahahaha- *cough*

JTW: Good! So you'll be joining us?

HTW: Yes. One moment, please. *sits down at the computer and starts typing*

MTW: What are you doing?

HTW: *sly smile* Insurance.

-----

In the story world, the heroes are mingling about in the Hall of Heroes when they are beset upon by xenomorphic aliens!

Geb: Aw, crud. Thing that holographic simulator's acting up again?

Kyle: Nope, my senses detect that these are real!

Fluffy: *pulls out his gun*

Entire Audience: AAAAAGGGHHH!!!

Spasm: *whispering to Fluffy* Not THAT gun, the OTHER gun. . .

Fluffy: Oh. http://forums.massassi.net/html/redface.gif

*the xenomorphs leap at them, and the fighting begins*

Highemp: *being mindless, as HTW was inhabiting him and is now gone, is merely standing around when a face hugger latches on to him*

Gandalf: Bingbearer, protect me!

Gettle: TMTGB, BING him!

TMTGB: Bing! *the aliens attacking Gandalf turn into toxic sludge*

Highemp: *stands around with alien on his face as Geb charges by*

And so the battle rages, until the heroes finally push back the aliens.

Michael: Whew, I think that's all of 'em!

Losien: Not quite, there's on Highemp's face! *they all struggle to pull it off and eventually succeed*

Pizza Delivery Guy: Now what?

-----

In the writers' dimension. . .

HTW: *ends his typing triumphantly* Now, my plans are ready to be set into motion.

Ominous music plays. . .

-----

NSP: Alright, I'm done; now we can have a little side adventure real quick before we get to Geb's plan!

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)

[This message has been edited by Highemperor of the Force (edited July 12, 2002).]

Tracer

07-16-2002, 01:02 AM

*The heroes stand in their headquarters' main lobby amid the destruction wrought by the aliens: walls are scratched, vases smashed, the main reception desk overturned. Serveral plush couches are suffering from large gashes, the stuffing ripped out in a fit of alien rage.*

Kyle: Wow, that was exciting. My heart's beating so fast, I think I might have a heart attack.

Fluffy: Hey, I bet you're a big Lee Marvin fan, eh?

Kyle: (nods)

Fluffy: Yeah, me too, I love that guy.

Gebohq: Heroes, assemble in the briefing room!

*The heroes enter the briefing room; like the rest of the HoH, it has suffered extensive battle damage. Standing beside the battered table is a lone, expressionless figure, dressed in a dark suit and tie.*

Gebohq: Everybody, I'd like you to meet Agent Tracer. The Home Office sent him to bring us up to date on the current situation.

*The heroes set chairs upright and sit down to listen. Tracer lights his pipe and begins pacing the area in front of the heroes.*

Tracer: Throughout the course of your jobs, you have stumbled upon and been subjected to various strange and otherwise inexplicable phenomena. Your shifting from various locations around the globe to a car ferry on the English Channel, the disappearance of Semievil the Torturer.

*Tracer pauses in midstep and takes a long puff of his pipe.*

Tracer: Other agents have been able to determine the source of these discontinuities - not the space/time distortions commonly referred to as 'plotholes', but stable phase shifts in the time continuum.

Michael MacLongname: I don't get it. That sounds like the same difference to me.

Tracer: The difference, Agent MacLongname, is academic, and although it can be proved mathematically I'm sure a person such as yourself would find the proof dull and uninteresting.

*Michael's eyes narrow at the insult, but he says nothing. Tracer hesitates, waiting for a response, then shrugs his shoulders and continues.*

Tracer: This may come as a shock to some of you, but each and every plothole your team encountered was man-made, generated by our research institute in Arizona.

*A murmur ripples through the seated heroes.*

MaybeChild: That's outrageous! According to you, the very people we work for have been actively undermining our efforts to protect the world!

Lt. Randy: Not only is it completely illogical, it's downright absurd!

Tracer: Agents, please. Although the institute was able to trigger the creation of plot holes, they were not able to predict the location of an individual distortion. The particular instances you discovered were by pure chance.

Michael MacLongname: Look, does this have any point besides making me want to walk off the job?

Tracer: It may interest you, Agent MacLongname, to know that three weeks ago, our Arizona facility was destroyed in a freak accident.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chief Plothole Researcher: ...Plotholes are very unpredictable and dangerous. They could very well unmake the universe as we know it. Fortunately we have these saftey restraints keeping this one in place and inac...

*Just then, a scientist in the background who had forgotten to get his coffee that morning and hadn't actually slept since last Thursday fell asleep and his head landed on the large, red, safety release button. For a moment, all was black. When light once more returned, all the scientists and reporters were replaced with monkeys in the clothing of whoever had been standing there prior. The plothole was replaced with a magnetized and irradiated banana.*

Lead Scientists Monkey (shaking his fist at the air): Ooo, ooh AAAHAAHHAH! (translation: You damn dirty plotholes!)

Reporter Monkey (raising his hand with pen in it): Eee Eee EEE! (translation: Can I have the banana?)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Losien: What happened?

Tracer: Near as we can determine, the safeguards on a controlled experiment failed. All persons present vanished and all data relating to the phenomena was wiped during the disaster. The end result, ladies and gentlemen, was the loss of some of the world's leading minds as well as essentially everything we knew about 'plotholes'. What little knowledge was retained is in this folder (he tosses a manilla folder onto the table), and it's basically common knowledge.

*Tracer stops talking in order to relight his pipe and let the implications of his speech sink in. MaybeChild is the first to grasp the situation.*

MaybeChild: Hold on...if our ability to generate plotholes was destroyed three weeks ago, then what caused the ones we've experienced since then?

Tracer: (smiles grimly) That, Agent MaybeChild, is the big question. Or not nessicarily what, but who.

Michael MacLongname: Oh, how very convenient. There's this big conspiracy going on, but the only evidence got destroyed, so we'll just have to go running into danger on your word.

l33tman: Actually, Mick, I've been going over these figures (he indicates the opened manila folder) and they seem correct.

Michael MacLongname: What do you know? You deliver pizzas for a living! (he rises)

Losien: Now, Mick, there's no need for underhanded shots like that.

Michael MacLongname: But, honey, can't you see-

Krig: (chewing on a large scientific calculator) Krig concur with hypothesis.

Tracer: As you can see, Agent MacLongname, Agents Krig and l33tman have independantly verified basic plothole theory. If that isn't proof enough for you, feel free to hang up the old hero suit. But choose wisely, Agent; turn down this assignment, and you'll be the one delivering pizzas in under thirty minutes, lest you invoke the 'free pizza clause'.

*Agent Tracer and Michael MacLongname glare at eachother. After a time, Michael relutantly seats himself.*

Tracer: (nod of approval) Good, I'm glad you're still with us. Then, in a nutshell, the situation is this: Unknown person or persons have developed a method of time-shifting far in advance of what we had, even when research was in full swing.

*Tracer nods at Geb.*

Tracer: Now that you're all up to speed, Agent Gebohq has prepared a tactical briefing.

*Tracer sits down, and Gebohq stands to take his place.*

Gebohq: To maximize efficiency, I'm splitting us off into two groups. Group one will consist of myself, CookedHaggis, Galvatron, Krig, Highemperor, Losien, Michael, MaybeChild, Semievil, Lt. Randy and Otter; An elite cadre of heroes ready to put a stop to the time travelling menace. Group two will consist of Janitor Bob, Taz, Kyle, Spasm, Gandalf, Wuss, Phantom Master, The Mega ZZT'er, Masetto, Jorbo, Gettleburger, Ford and Fluffy; an elite cadre of custodians ready clean up the Hall of Heroes.

*Janitor Bob beams with pride. The rest of Group Two grumbles.*

Janitor Bob: Aye, aye, commander! We won't let you down!

Tracer: That concludes this briefing.

*The heroes all exit the briefing room. Group one heads to the armoury, where Gebohq distributes firearms while Group Two heads to the janitor's closet, where Janitor Bob distributes cleaning implements.*

Tracer

07-16-2002, 02:00 AM

*As the heroes file down the corridor, Agent Tracer stops Michael MacLongname.*

Tracer: Agent MacLongname. Let's take a walk.

*Tracer steers MacLongname away from the heroes. They begin walking.*

Michael MacLongname: Look, do you want something? Because I've really got to prepare for this mission - which I still think is a load of crap, by the way -

Tracer: You won't be performing that particular mission, Agent MacLongname.

Michael MacLongname: Excuse me?

Tracer: While the Group One heroes will represent our official investigation into the mysterious time-shifting, there's another lead I intend to check up on.

*They arrive at the courtyard. Tracer reaches into his breast pocket and dons a pair of sunglasses.*

Tracer: When you were exiled to Australia, there was a slip-up in the bureaucracy: Somewhere along the line, a word was misread, and Agent Antestarr was sent to Austria.

Michael MacLongname: And this requires my special attention because...

Tracer: Because once he arrived there, Agent Antestarr dropped out of sight completely. Home office agents have been unable to locate him, Foriegn Office agents have been unable to locate him, local law enforcement has been unable to locate him. The man is gone, and we don't know how or why.

Michael MacLongname: ...so you want me to track him down. It's bad enough that I'm given a mission which will likely get me beat up, killed and then lost in time, but I have to be away from Losien too? (sigh) That pizza guy is probably wooing her with his math skills right now...

Tracer: Although the Home Office disagrees, I believe that Antestarr may be the key to this crisis.

Michael MacLongname: Maybe he just got drunk and collapsed in a back alley. It's been known to happen.

Tracer: Or maybe he discovered something somebody didn't want found out. In any case, it's not an area we can afford to neglect.

Michael MacLongname: So why me? Why do I have to do this?

Tracer: Process of elimination. Agent Gebohq is required to lead the rest, but his leadership is only effective if Agent MaybeChild is present to back him up. Agent Losien is a dreamer and Agent Krig would just as soon eat my hat as he would follow an order. I can't stand Agent Haggis' demeanor. As for the rest, well, suffice to say that they're either too incompetent or too inexperienced to operate on their own. You, Agent MacLongname, are the obvious choice.

Michael MacLongname: What about Randy? After all, he is a soldier.

Tracer: (his face darkens) When this is all over, 'Lieutenant' Randy and I are going to have a long chat about impersonating military officers.

Michael MacLongname: Fine, I'll do it. I suppose you've got some big plan cooked up?

Tracer: An unmarked car will take us to Heathrow International Airport, where we'll board a private jet bound for Austria. We improvise the rest.

Micheal MacLongname: Great, a seven hour plane ride with an anal-retentive jerk.

Tracer: One more thing, Agent; You'll need this. (Tracer flips out an M9F2S Beretta. MacLongname cautiously accepts the pistol, placing it in his shoulder holster)

*Presently, an unmarked government car arrives. Agents Tracer and MacLongname enter the back seat.*

Antestarr

07-18-2002, 11:39 PM

*The apartment was quite possibly the grimiest place Antestarr had ever allowed himself to enter. The cracks in the ceiling allowed rain to seep through whenever it got the chance (even on the sunny days). The wallpaper, a faded collection of green and beige lines, was torn in many places and peeling off in others. Ante sat on a blanketless bed, staring through the unpolished brass bars of the footboard at a small television with an antenna that he swore was an old coathanger slightly bent and upside down.

Upon the television, the local Austrian news played, constantly fading in and out of reception. The reporter, a young woman, stands in front of the rubble that was once a cathedral, speaking in her native tongue.*

Reporter: <At this site, just a few weeks ago, this monument to our history as a God-fearing people simply ceased to be. The first suspicion, as you all know, was that it was an act of terrorism against our peaceful town for being part of the "free world." However, the eye-witness reports of an explosion were quickly discredited as it was proved that any flash they saw was due to sunspots, and the only sound noted was that of the cathedral falling upon itself. Local businesses are relieved that nobody was hurt, as the clergy who had inhabited it were shopping at the time. Also of note was that no other buildings in the area were damaged, so the clean-up efforts will be made that much easier...>

Ante *to himself*: It's times like this that I wish I had taken a foreign language in school... that, and I wish all the phones in this town weren't in freaking latin or whatever it is that I can't read.

*But as Ante watched the news story, he knew that the people were being fed misinformation. He had been there. Watched the bloodshed. Seen the one-sided battle involving the mysterious figure. Watched how quickly the area became off-limits after the destruction, so that any trace of what had really happened was removed. He knew, because this one man was so wanted by a great power that he had gained the ability to elude even Ante himself, who prized himself on being able to track nearly anybody to further his own goals.

But all this thinking was starting to get him down. He needed a way out of this town, which was seemingly cut off from the rest of the world. He needed a cell phone, a plane ticket, a friend. SOMETHING. But most of all... he needed to go to the ice machine down the hall because it was freaking hot in his room and the A/C was busted.

Stepping outside of his room into the equally decrepit hallway, he spied another individual attempting to use the ice machine. 6 and half feet tall and garbed completely in black the man seemed vaguely familiar to him...

Suddenly it all jerked into place and made sense. The man before him was the same man from the cathedral. He'd seen him before but hadn't recognized him. Ducking back into his room for a moment, he spied his television from an angle and noted that what he believed were disruptions in the signal had actually been subliminal programming to make him forget the man dressed in black.

Ante peered back out from his doorway towards the ice machine. The machine was apparently giving the man more trouble than ice. Then, in a fit of rage that seemed to have no limit, the man's fist was suddenly through the front of the ice machine and ice was pouring into the bucket. The man, satisfied with his ice supply, returned to his room... not 3 doors from Ante's room.

Taking note of the number on the door, Antestarr ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time, until he remembered how rotted out they were just after punching through one and tumbling the rest of the way down. Giving the pain in his leg no heed, he dashed to the desk clerk.*

Ante: Clerk, I've gotta know, who's in room 211?

Clerk: <What are you saying, man? I can't understand.>

*Ante then feverishly writes the number 211 on a piece of paper followed by three really big question marks.*

Clerk: <I'm sorry sir, but a Mr. Dalaes is already in that room. We cannot allow you to take it from him, as per policy.>

Ante *thinking to himself some more*: Dalaes... Dalaes... why does that sound so familiar......?

*Faced with this new turn of events, Ante decided to do the only thing that made sense to him after all the brainwashing Austrian television, and something called "The Reality Show of Doooooooom" dubbed in Austrian and with mosaics over all the faces except for the women. He proceeded to go to the store, buy the largest bottle of liquor he could find, and drank it until he was ready to go and knock on the door to room 211.*

Gebohq

07-19-2002, 12:30 AM

Scene swipe from the Austian motel into an isolated chamber. On one end of the chamber is a doorway, closed at the moment, with no apparent doorknob device. Several feet from the door, a large C-shaped console stands, filled with buttons and displays of all sorts. On either side of the console, by the walls, are tables filled with paperwork and personal computers. In the middle of the large console is a holographic projector, displaying a lengthy line with numerous circles and X's on it. On the opposite wall of the doorway is a large monitor, flanked by supercomputers.

Staning by the console is a man garbed in a grey jumpsuit. He pushes a button that was flashing, and the large monitor displays teh upper half of a figure, his imaged concealed in darkness and dramatic smudging.

lackey #1: Greetings, Master.

dark figure: How is everything going?

lackey #1: Well, my back has actually been bothering me lately, and my doctor tells me that I need to excersise more--

dark figure: I was speaking of my plans.

lackey #1: Of course...Step 1 is proceeding as planned, Master. The Never-ending Story Thread has been disrupted with the mystical swirls, as instructed.

dark figure: Good...continue doing so. Soon Step 2 will be ready to begin, and then the heroes, even the writers of this god-forsaken story will not be able to stop me as I alter it to my will! Make sure to make contact with our Informant soon...

lackey #1: So...not to be nosey, but when will I get to see who you are? All my paycheck says is "Unknown", and it kinda freaks me out sometimes--

*The monitor fizzles out*

lackey #1: Dangit. Stupid Internet relations...

Who could the dark figure be, and what do they want with the Never-ending Story Thread, other than to cause evil of course... And whom could the Informant be? Pretty steep cliffhangers, eh? Tune in next time, right here, to find out!

IS_ford1342

07-19-2002, 09:23 AM

meanwhile, in the writers wrealm, just outsidethe IS building of the Massassi Compound, a grey 1991 Lumina sedan with a pringles can taped to the roof sits quietly. its windows seem to be glowing magically. inside a young man is hacking into the NeSthread.doc so as to add a portion.

FTW: what a wonderful opportunity to show them how truly and utterly...

back in Story Sentral(dont you love made up alliterations?) the Heroes of Team # 2 clean up afer the giant party that had been thrown, 6 months previous.

JBob: All right men(and possibly woman, you never know)6 months ago the Hall of Heroes sy a party unlike any the world had seen before.*shudders* But today, or mission is to clean up the mess that was made. we'll split up into groups to get it done faster. Taz, Kyle nd spasm, you take the main reception room(aka front hall) gandalf, wuss, Phantom Master, you can take the hang-out zone (aka living room) ZZT,Masetto, and JorBo, you take the consumtion area(aka dining room) Gettle, Ford and Fluffy, you take the kitchen and bathrooms. I myself will take care fo the upstairs*shudders again* for none of you are prepared for it
*shudders a third time*

Gettle: Oh boy, some food.

Ford: grumles*stick me with a lousy clean-up job, pfffft. that may be fine with j-bob but it dont fly wiht me. "Agent" Tracer, my ***, he just some kid in a black suit.

Fluffy: we're gonna kick some *** !

JBob: One more thing, the group that finishe before me gets to leavee and chase after the other heros. the rest of you get to help me.

*shrieks from the groups*

ford: *perked up bit* great i knwo exactly how we can get out of here.

Gettle: Hows that?

Ford: *whips out a few cans of Heat Activated Super Cleaning Agent(tm)* just spray this stuff on everything in the room.

Fluffy: this **** smells like hairspray.

Ford: *rools eyes* Really i had no idea.

Gettle: How does this stuff work again?

Ford: allow me to demonstrate. here is an ordinary pile of dirt. im going to stick my hand in it till it gets nice and dirty. right. now spray my hand with the HASCA. Man i need a cigarette, wither of you got one? thanks fluffy. got a lihgt?

ford holds the cig to his lips with his dirty hand, and when fluffy reaches over to light it, ford moves so the flame touches his HASC covered hand. it immeadiately bursts into flames.

Ford: Now the flame of the SCA will not ignite any other substance other than mor HASCA.

he places his flaming hand on his highly flammable hairy head. he removes his hand and his hair is still there. he touches the kitchen counter, already treated with HASCA and it also bursts into flames.

Ford: See? now it only takes HASCA 30 seconds to work, even on tough jobs like grease or soap scum, so having the flame ignited for longer is useless.*he puts out his hand with a mini fire extinguisher. his hand is spotless, and completely unharmed.* teh HASCA clings to dirt and garbage so that the only thing that burns is the dirt. Gettle put out the Counter.

He does so. the counter gleams brightly with cleanlynesss

Gettle:why its spotless?

Ford: I know. There we've finished spraying stuff everywhere. time for the flame.

Fluffy: I got it!

Ford: No. Allow me. *makes a scritch scritch noise, the Cheshire Zippo appears form thin air.* ah good to see you old friend.

TCZ: its good to be back. Gtes was starting to bore me. after a while when i touched him with my flame, he started screaming "MORe! More!"

Ford: right, ladies and gentleman welcome to TMI Broadcasting, thats Too Much Information. but anyway, would you lite up our HASCA covered areas?

TCZ: why certainly, im always willing to destroy a piece of the environment.

Gettle: what was that?

Ford: Oh he just means the Dirt and Garbage. HASCA has no effect whatsoever on anything but that..He he. CZ do you work.

there is a loud FOOM and everything seems to be on fire. Ford laughs manically, but Gettle and Fluffy panic.theytake the industrial sized fire exticnguishersand start putting out everything. when they do, that thing is totall spotless. after a while they start to enjoy the look of burning things and start gathering paper.

Ford: HEY! dont do it man, youll burn down the HoH!

Gettle: Ha hA HA!

the bingbearer throws TMTGB into the flames he just created. it starts to glow and then strane words begin to form on it nothing the four of them could read. but all of a sudden, Gettle gets a craving for a twinkie and a 7-11 slurpee.

Gettle: Hey i just got a craving for a twinkie and a 7-11 slurpee all of a sudden.

Why did Gettle get this sudden craving? what do the words on TMTGB say? will the HoH burn down due to the non-HASCA flames in the kitchen? find out al this and more in the next installment of NeS: Hot Enough For You?

JorBo

07-19-2002, 07:13 PM

While the others are busy cleaning JorBo slips out of the room and heads for the HoH garage.

JorBo: I'm not going to sit around cleaning while some evil force is throwing plot holes around.

JorBo walks over to the weapons locker and fills up a large sack with guns and ammo.

JorBo: I'm gonna need some help on this one.

JorBo gets on his street bike, punches the gas and heads off down the street.

IS_ford1342

07-20-2002, 06:45 PM

meanwhile, in the 7-11 that overlooks the Arena(A.K.A. TeH LegIoN of SpO0kaY), Gettleberger, the bingbearer enjoys a twinkie and a 7-11 slurpee.hes having a meaningful conversation with TMTGB.

TMTGB: BING!

Gettle: *swallows* Yeah. my sisters boyfriends stepsisters cats former owner, who was also the librarian over on the hill across the street from the church where my uncle had his funeral, had the same problem. no worries though he told me he fixed it with a little duct tape, a staple gun, and some magazines from the adult rental section.

TMTGB: BING!

Gettle: Oh yeah, he was the librarian. i wonder what ever happened to that cat?

<<camera pans to the arena below. where two cats are having somesort of conversation.>>

Cat #1: Now dont screw up this time.these repairs are getting expensive and youre runing out of lives.

Cat #2: Sure boss. now what is it we're looking for again?

Cat #1: Its a little...

meanwhiile, in the hall of heroes, Gettleburger suddenly remembers someone he used to know.

Gettle:*standing up straight aafter finishing putting out the flames* wow i havent thought about him in a long time.

Fluffy: Who?

Gettle: Huh? Oh. Uh, Mr. Kendall, the old librarian where i grew up. he had a really nasty cat. intellegent little bugger. mean though. he sold it to my sisters girlfriends brother though. funny, she got rid of it 6 months later. i wonder what ever happened to that cat.

What did happen to that cat? And speaking of cats who were those two we saw speaking a minute ago? i could tell ya..i know you wanna know.. only $50...c'mon i know you want it.well up yours. youll just have to find out next time on NeS: Boy is it getting strange.

Gettle: ARRRRGH!!! Brainfreeze!

JorBo

07-20-2002, 10:14 PM

Setting: The Dark City. A place of unspeakable evil and uhh.... darkness.
JorBo walks down the dark evil streets toward his destination.
Clad in black overcoat and sunglasses JorBo knows no one would dare mess with him.

JorBo: Finally!

JorBo has arrived at the only Burger King in the evil city.

JorBo: I hope he got my message.

Jorbo sits down in a grubby booth that looks like it hasn't been cleaned in years.
A large and insane looking cat walks into the Burger King and sits down at JorBo's booth.

JorBo: Hey Catgore! How are things?

Catgore: Things took a nosedive awhile back when a crazy guy attacked me with a staple gun duct taped to some magazines from an adult rental store. Then he tried to [CENSORED].

JorBo: My god that's sicker than most of this story!

Catgore's right eye starts twitching.

JorBo: Steady man err... Cat. I need your help tracking down somone........

[This message has been edited by JorBo (edited July 20, 2002).]

Scrib

07-23-2002, 03:01 AM

and that someone is a giant, man eating, winged beagle!

(also appearing in the newest of the interactive stories, here!)
http://forums.massassi.net/html/Forum7/HTML/000377.html

Gebohq

07-24-2002, 06:05 PM

B.U.M.P.!

Gebohq

07-24-2002, 10:00 PM

(NSP: This is the start of the sub-story that will (hopefuly) inspire the point-and-click adventure game version of NeS.)

A NEVER-ENDING STORY INTERACTIVE GAME

Within the mission room of the Hall of Heroes, Gebohq, acting leader-like, debriefs the other heroes further upon their new quest.

Gebohq: *munching on a donut* As you can see here on the screen behind me, the time/space thread that we exist in is being purposely altered by a currently unknown source. Our mission will be to travel into key points of the "thread" and search for some clue as to who is behind this evil, and stop them, before they undoubtedly endanger the world as we know it.

*The other heroes act indifferently, munching on their own snacks and busy with other things. Highemperor continues to stare into space in a dead manner, which isn't surprising, considering that he is dead for all practical purposes.*

Geb: *ahem*

*The other heroes quickly spring into attention, pretending to be following along. Highemp's head slumps onto the table. Gebohq's face grows worried, and motions to Losien. She props him back up, puts a paper bag over his head, and draws a smiliy face on it. Losien looks upon her work with a good deal of pride. Gebohq continues.*

Gebohq: I chose the nine of you because each of you is most qualified and experienced with our previous missions. I am further dividing this group into one group of three and three groups of two...or is that two groups of three...

Maybechild: *to Galvatron* Why did he have to be our leader?

Geb: Three groups of two, right. Group one will be Galvatron and Semievil, whom will go back to when TotallyEvil's threat was imminent.

*Galvatron nods, while Semievil shudders.*

Geb: Group two will be CookedHaggis and Krig, who will travel back to when we first encountered The Last True Evil, who initially tried to kill me, but is now a full-fledged member of our cause. Speaking of, I wonder where he went...

*CookedHaggis and Krig give each other analyzing looks.*

Geb: Group Three will be Maybechild and Otter, who will go back to when we tried to retrieve the legendary Holy Hand Remote.

*TheOtter beams a big smile at Maybechild, who shoots a cold stare at Geb.*

Geb: And the fourth group will consist of myself, Losien, and Lt. Randy, where we will risk traveling two hundred years into the future, for reports have indicated that the strongest of possible sources in the space/time distortion can be found there. I was going to send Highemperor with group three, but he, uh...doesn't seem to be in any such condition right now.*

*Camera pan to Highemperor with the paper bag on his head. A low "uuuuuuurgh" can be heard underneath.*

Geb: Any questions?

*Everyone raises their hands, including Highemperor, thanks to Maybechild raising his hand for him.*

Geb: Very well, let's go then!

*The heroes make their way to the Thingy, used before in the quest into the realm of TACC, now allowing them to travel in time. Each group prepares to enter through. Galvatron appears to be having second doubts from watching Semievil nearly shaking in fear.*

A new quest, these "heroes" embark on. Apparently this is a special kind. Bah I say! They'll find a way to screw this up--I mean, save the world. Yes, save the world. To find out, continue playing!

(NSP: I left Galv in the position to be able to change with one of the other writers such as Kyle or Spasm if they wish. Though I ask that if you do, that you please contribute as much as you can. Also, if one of the more experienced writers could be so kind as to give a short description for the characters in the game substory, as done in previous parts, that'd be much appreciated. I will be gone for a week, so I won't be able to post until then. I hope this goes off well http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited July 25, 2002).]

IS_ford1342

07-25-2002, 10:22 PM

having finished their tasks at exactly the same time, Gettle's group and Taz's group meet with Janitor Bob at the top of the stairs.

J-Bob: Gettleburger, Ford, and Fluffy, you have done an excellent job. unlike Taz, Kyle and TwistedSpasm, you actually did some work. i dotn know how you did it, but you are free to go.

Gettle, Ford, and Fluffy: thank you, sir.

they flee down the stairs

Jbob: Youre welcome. now you other three, for just shoving all the junk under various parts of the rug, and plugging up the Update Screen's maintenance hatch, you guys get to help me clean*dramatic chord*...Gebohq's bedroom!

Taz,Kyle, and Spasm: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooo!

at the bottom of the stairs, Gettle turns to The other two.

Gettle: I have to find something. i dont know what, i dont know where, but i do know its going to be dangerous. ll need some help. are you with me?

Fluffy: yeah sure. youre the one person here who hasnt treated me with distain and resentment.

Ford: And miss my chance to be in a point-and-click adventure game?! yeah right!

Gettle: what the hell are you talking about?

KyleKatarn7 runs to the rail of the upstairsand vomits. ff&g take a few steps away from the steaiming blob of half digested food.

Ford: gotta run. looks like theyre heading for the "thingy".

will ford make it to the thingy before all the heroes have already left? Will the three bad custodians survive the pit of sticky magazines and stiff bedsheets that is eb's bedroom? and what did ford mean by "point-and-click adventure game"? well thats a stupid question innit? i mean it says right 'ere on th' front o' this script im holdin: "Point-andClick Adventure Game Subplot Post #gahhh....

<<sorry about that, he was talking a little too much.Ill just need your attention for one moment. exuse me while i put on my shades.>>

*FLASH*

What did ford mean by "point-and-click adventure game"? Find out these questions and more next time on NeS: When good computers go bad.

<<******.>>

*FLASH*

JorBo

07-29-2002, 04:33 PM

B.U.M.P.

Michael MacFarlane

08-01-2002, 06:29 PM

I have returned!

I have some catching up to do, but from a cursory reading of the last page, it seems this story has taken a rather interesting turn.

Tracer

08-03-2002, 02:51 PM

NSP: I just got back from vacation...I'll get back into it soon.

Krig the Viking

08-05-2002, 06:29 PM

(OOC: Yay, a post!)

One by one, our heroes prepare to enter the Thingy, and thus travel through time to thwart the evil plans of... aw heck, read that long post before this one if you want to find out what's going on. Anyhow, our scene starts with Geb talking, as usual.

Gebohq: "So then I says to him, I says, where did you get that donkey?"

Maybechild: "And how exactly does this relate to our mission?"

Geb: "Uhm... I forget."

*Maybechild sighs, rolls her eyes, and stalks away from Geb. Geb shrugs his shoulders and turns back to the controls of the Thingy.*

Geb: "Galvatron and Semievil, are you ready to... hey, wait a minute! You're not Galvatron!"

Ford: "Um, yeah, Galv got sick and told me to cover for him."

Geb: "Galvy got sick? He's a robot!"

Ford: "Um, yeah, it was a computer virus."

Geb: "Oh, ok. Makes sense to me. Is he alright?"

Ford: "Oh, yeah, he's just fine. A little tied up, is all."

*Zip-pan to a closet deep within the Hall of Heroes. Galvatron sits in a corner, bound and gagged with a bunch of socks tied together to make a big rope.*

Galvatron: "Mff-mmf-mfff!"

*Zip-pan back to the Thingy. Ford and Semievil pause for a moment to pose heroically before jumping into the zappy portal thing of the Thingy. Semievil is dressed in a black, tattered cape, black and tattered clothes, and holds a nifty staff. Since he's basically a skeleton with skin and glowing red eyes, he looks kinda freaky. Ford also stands there, looking heroic. He stands an imposing six feet tall, with shoulder-length dark brown hair, jeans, a black t-shirt with various symbols including an Ahnk on it, and Vans on his feet. No, not the gas-guzzling mode of transportation, but rather a comfortable form of footwear. He looks all cool and stuff.*

Geb: "Ok guys, jump in."

Sem: "But is it safe?"

Geb: "Of course not! What are you, chicken?"

Sem: "Of course not!"

*With that, Sem jumps into the zappy swirly portal thing of the Thingy, dragging Ford with him.*

Sem and Ford: "AAAHHHH!"

*ZZOOMP*

Geb: "Huh. That sure sounded really painful. I didn't know Time Travel was painful. Krig and Haggis, you're next!"

Haggis: "I say, are you sure this is a good idea?"

Krig: "Krig no like hurty."

Geb: "Aw, don't worry you guys. That was probably a fluke. C'mon, we don't have all day!"

Haggis: "Actually, since we have a time machine, would we not have all the time in the world?"

Geb: "Don't bother me with details! Just get moving!"

*Cooked Haggis and Krig the Viking hesitantly step up to the platform before the portally thing and try to pose heroically. Haggis, looking immaculate as always in his tuxedo, greased back hair, pointy mustache, and white cloth over his arm, stands snootily on the platform glancing down at Krig out of the corner of his eye. The squat little Viking stands staring into space, his left eye twitching. He wears tattered and possibly chewed on Norse clothes, a fiery red beard split into two braids, all topped off with a horned Viking helmet.*

Krig: "Krig no want to go in..."

Geb: "Hmmm..."

*Geb thinks quickly for a moment. Then he takes a chocolate bar out of his pocket, removes the tinfoil, and crumples the tinfoil into a ball.*

Geb: "Look, Krig! A shiny thing!"

Krig: "Oooh! Shiny!"

*Geb throws the tinfoil ball into the Thingy, and Krig immediately lunges at it, into the zappy portal. His cloak, which has somehow gotten tangled around Haggis' foot, yanks Haggis off of his feet and pulls him into the Thingy feetfirst.*

Haggis: "YEEAAARRRRRGH!!!! IT HURTSES!"

*ZZOOMP*

Otter: "Y'know, that looked like it really hurt a lot. Y'know, I'm sort of allergic to pain, and I don't really think that this would be a good idea for me to--"

*Just then, Geb cracks Otter over the head, drags his unconcious body up to the Thingy portal, and tosses him in. On his way in, whilst flying through the air, Otter pauses in a dramatic pose. He wears a black bowler hat, round black sunglasses, black trenchcoat, with ripped black jeans and black t-shirt underneath. Oh, and black combat boots and a black goatee. And a black medical bag with a red cross on it.*

*ZZOOMP*

Maybechild: "Hey, that was uncalled for, Geb!"

Geb: "What do you mean? There was no other way to get him to go through the Thingy! I thought it was totally called for!"

Maybechild: "Hm, you have a point there."

Geb: "All right, Maybe, it's your turn. Get ready to jump into the zappy portalish thing."

*Maybechild ascends to the platform before the Thingy's zappy portalish thing, and poses heroically. She wears a hippy flower shirt, bellbottoms, and has long red hair. And by long red hair, I mean really really long red hair. Like waist-length long red hair. And it's curlyish, too.*

Geb: "Now don't worry, it won't hurt a bit."

Maybechild: "What are you talking about? Everyone else who's jumped into it said it hurt a lot!"

Geb: "Now, now, they were probably just scared and imagining things. You know how Haggis always imagines that he's in agonizing pain."

Maybechild: "What? You're just making stuff up, now."

Geb: "No I'm not! Haggis always imagines that he's in pain!"

Maybe: "Well... You did have that big long adventure with him in that TACC place..."

Geb: "See? I know Haggis way better than you do! I'm right! Time Travel isn't painful at all!"

Maybe: "Ok, I'll believe you. But if you're wrong, I'm going to hunt you down and pull out your hairs one by one!"

Geb: "Hey, have I ever been wrong before?"

*A montage of all the times that Geb has been wrong flashes across the screen. Fortunately, Maybechild does not see this. She prepares herself, then leaps in.*

Maybechild: "AAAIIIEEEE!!! IT HURTS A LOT! I'M GOING TO GET YOU, GEB!"

*ZZOOMP!*

Geb: "Well, that was easy. Losien and Lt. Randy, we're next!"

Losien: "Ummm..."

Lt. Randy: "Yeah, I've been thinking, and I suddenly remembered that my grandmother has suddenly become sick and I really need to go see her..."

Geb: "Randy, you're from another dimension! You can't possibly know whether your grandmother is sick or not!"

Lt. Randy: "Oh yeah. Um..."

Geb: "Don't worry you guys! I'll be going through with you! I wouldn't do anything that would hurt a lot, would I?"

Losien: "Yeah, he has a point."

Lt. Randy: "Right. I hadn't thought of it that way."

*The three ascend to the platform and pose heroically, as all heroes have to do before saving the world. Lt. Randy squints epically at the horizon, with a military bearing, youthful face and a crew cut of fiery red hair. Losien stands shyly, in her t-shirt and jean shorts and shoulder-length blonde hair. Gebohq stands in the middle, heroically (as he usually does, except when he's running scared), with his blue collared shirt with rolled-up sleeves, black dress pants, and long hair that looks like it fought with a comb and won.*

Geb: "Ok guys. Remember, the world is in your hands."

Randy: "Wait... Aren't you coming with us?"

*Geb smiles, then shoves the other two into the zappy portal.*

Randy and Losien: "AAAAAIIIIEEEE!!"

*ZZOOMP!*

Geb: "Jeez, that was the easiest thing I've ever done! They actually thought I was coming with them! I wouldn't go through a zappy portal thing that obviously hurts like craziness! What were they thinking?"

*Geb stands chuckling on the platform in front of the Thingy portal. Suddenly, a pair of hands comes from offscreen and shoves him into the portal.*

Geb: "Hey! What the--AAAAAARRRGH, IT HURTS LIKE THE CRAZINESS!"

*ZZOOMP!*

*The camera pans back out over the room in which the Thingy is housed. It is now completely empty. There is no sign of whoever it was that pushed our hero Geb. No sign of anybody at all, except -- the drooling body of Highemperor, flopped into the chair where he'd been left, paper bag still over his head! Duhn-duhn-duuuuuuuuuuuhn!*

Our heroes have left on their heroic mission! Who is this mysterious Highemperor? Will the heroes manage to save the world against all odds? Or will they fail miserably? I don't know about you, but I think they're wayyyyy overdue for a miserable failing! I mean, come on, the only reason they're even alive so far is a highly improbable collection of extremely fortuitous co-incidences! How long can that keep happening? Not long, I think. Face it, they're screwed. Until next time, I'm the Narrator.

------------------
"The power to charm a snake
does you no good
if it bites you anyway." (Ecc. 10:11, CEV)

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited August 05, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited August 05, 2002).]

Tracer

08-05-2002, 07:04 PM

It was evening when Geb and his companions materialized on a dark rooftop. The sky, a disturbing shade of red, stood out against the slick, imposing skyscrapers jutting out of the ground, giving the cityscape a foreboding look. Rain poured down, sizzling as it touched upon the many neon advertisments all vying for attention amongst the buildings.

NSP: Uh, yeah. I'll follow up to this when I decide what I want to do. If you'd like to learn more about this future, rent Blade Runner (or even The Fifth Element).

Krig the Viking

08-05-2002, 09:22 PM

*On top of the Building*

Lt. Randy: "Say, Geb, when did we get an agency and secret agents and superiors? I was under the impression that we were a misfit band of ragtag heroes..."

Geb: "I ordered them from Sears. Thought it'd be nifty. And it worked, 'cause now we have this cool mission to save the world!"

Lt. Randy: "Oh, ok. Makes sense to me."

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

Highemperor of the Force

08-06-2002, 01:47 PM

In the writers's dimension. . .

Geb the Writer: Welcome aboard, Highemp the Writer! Nice to finally meet you.

Highemp the Writer: Of course. Good hello. Likewise. Now, shall we start. . . writing the story again? Muahahahaha- *everyone looks strangely at him* -er, yeah.

In the story dimension, in the Hall of Heroes, in the present. . .

Mindless, Zombie-like, Dispossessed Highemp: . . .

Two hundred years in the future. . .

Lt. Randy: Hey! That alligator on my leg is gone! I wonder where it could be?

Back in the present. . .

Highemp: *is disgustingly eaten piece by piece by Randy's imaginary alligator*

In the future. . .

Geb: Well, this appears to be an interesting world two hundred years from, er, two hundred years ago. Wonder what it's like?

Sleek metallic hovercars glide across the red sky. Tall skyscrapers are everywhere, all of them at least half a mile high.

Losien: I'd say it's futuristic. You know?

Randy: *slaps head in mock realization* No duh! What are you two, idiots?!

Geb: Well, let's find the Hall of Heroes. See if it's still standing today.

They walk for a while, noting how dirty the future is (when they discover toxic sludge in the sewers) and how rude people are (when a passing motorist shouted, "Excuse me, folks!" right before splattering them with mud), when they come to a very old, very short (by comparison) building. Big Ben. And within-

Geb: The Hall of Heroes!

And so it is, though yet it seems that I can see her sometimes, in the rays the moon beams-

RAM: Enough, Highemp the Writer! Don't tout us your poems!

Voice from the sky: Alright, alright. . .

Anyway - and so it is, the Hall of Heroes - or what used to be the Hall of Heroes.

Randy: It's abandoned and rundown.

Losien: Look, someone left a note on the door.

Geb: *reading* "Moved to new location at 4501 West Dunston Street. Signed, Asa Ohq."

Losien: *excitedly* Ohq! He has your last name, Geb; I bet he's a descendant of yours!

Geb: *amazed and delighted* You mean someone's actually gonna do it with me??? Yay!!!!!!!

*They go to 4501 West Dunston Street*

Randy: Hey, there is no 4501 West Dunston Street! There's 4500 and 4502, but no 4501!

Then a man appears behind them. He strikes a heroic pose, looking remarkably like Geb, only with a large hunchback.

Hunchbacked Geb Lookalike: Whaddya want?

Geb: *wild with glee* Are you Asa Ohq?

Hunchbacked Geb Lookalike: *eyes dart wildly about* Who wants to know?

Geb: You are! I'm your great-great-great grandfather, GEB Ohq!

Asa Ohq: Um, okay. And why should I believe you?

-=Insert long and boring part wherein our heroes convince Asa Ohq that their story is true=-

Asa Ohq: Great-great-great Grandfather!

Geb: Great-great-great grandson!

*They hug*

Losien: Aw, that is so sweet!

Randy: Riiight. Anyway, where're the rest of the heroes?

Asa Ohq: Heroes?

Randy: Right, you know, the descendants of the other original heroes.

Asa Ohq: Hoo boy.

Randy: Why do I get the feeling I asked a bad question?

Asa Ohq: *bows head in shame* Our story is a long and painful one, filled with shame. It all started when one of our number turned to villainy: Purevil.

Geb: Sem's descendant!

Asa: Yes. Purevil took over the North American continent and killed Nochild-

Geb: Maybechild's descendant!

Asa: -The SuperComputer That Goes Bing-

Geb: TMTGB's descendant!

Asa: -and Janitoress Roberta.

Geb: J-Bob's descendant!

Asa: The rest of us were unable to stop him. So we broke up the organization since we were ineffective. *crying*

Geb: Hey, it's okay, Asa. We were ineffective, too!

Randy: *glaring at Geb* Speak for yourself, buster.

Losien: So where are all the other descendants?

Asa: Scattered about. Except for one. Highemperor never had any descendants. He was eaten two hundred years ago by an imaginary alligator.

Losien: *gasp* Noooo!

Randy: So THAT'S where it got off to. . .

-----

Elsewhere in the future, in Third York City, the headquarters of the vile Purevil. . .

Scientist: Excellent work, boys. We've done it. We've finally cloned the being known as Highemperor - and the alien queen inside him.

Flunkies: Yes, master.

Scientist: Now it is time to surgically remove the infant queen from the clone's body.

Flunkies: Yes, master.

Scientist: *cutting a hole in Highemp's skin* Does this look right to you?

Flunkies: Yes, master.

Scientist: Good, cuz I never actually made it through med school, I cheated the dickens out of everything. *takes the alien queen out and puts into a jar* That look good?

Flunkies: Yes, master.

Scientist: Now should I close him up or kill him?

Flunkies: Yes, master.

Scientist: Well, which one?

Flunkies: Yes, master.

Scientist: *frustrated* Fine I'll do BOTH. I'll close him up, THEN kill him.

In the writers's dimension. . .

Highemp the Writer: Don't worry, you guys, I'll be riiight back.

Maybe the Writer: Where have I heard THAT before?

Otter the Writer: In bed? OW! *as he is sent sailing out the fifthteenth-story window by Maybe's punch*

HTW walks back to the room where he was originally plugged in, and works for a while, making some adjustments. Then, he inserts the wires back into his head, inserts more wires from his head into the very fabric of Reality, and presses <Enter>.

Immediately HTW is sucked back into the body of his character - AND all of the REAL Reality is sucked into the story world with him!

Highemp: *getting off the operating table* Interesting place, the future is. Just like I planned. They cloned me, and I was able to get back in, even though my character was killed. *laughs evilly* At last my plan is complete. I no longer have to be content with just ruling the imaginary story worlds, but ALL worlds, INCLUDING Reality! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah a!

At the Massassi Forums building. . .

Krig the Writer: Guys, why do I see the Hall of Heroes across the street?

GebTW: Beats me.

Krig and Geb the Writers: *looking at each other* AAAAHHHH!!

MaybeTW: Oh no! We've been sucked into the story world!

Otter: Cool! Now I can meet the character Otter!

Back at the lab. . .

Highemp: *looks down at his cut-open stomach and vomits* Blegh!!!!! Ugh! *shakes his head and uses his powers to heal himself* Well, anyway, now it's time to use my solopotent powers to transform from a demigod into THE God!

Flunkies: Yes, master.

Scientist: *fainting on the floor*

Lightning flashes ominously - but nothing happens.

Highemp: What's this? Some of my powers are gone! Impossible! How could this be? *suddenly realizes the truth* Ack! No! By becoming a host for the alien queen, my cloned body has become half alien! I'm no longer a demigod! I'm a QUARTERgod! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

What will happen now? An alien queen is on the loose, as well as her parent, Highemperor. But Highemp has lost some of his powers in the process and is a quartergod! And the Heroes are no more in the future! Oh, no! Find out next time, same Bat-channel, but a different Bat-time - one two hundred years in the future!

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)

Gebohq

08-06-2002, 02:10 PM

(NSP: Highemp wanted me to mention/restate that his character is basically now weaker than before, that alien xenomorphs are on the loose in the future (a.k.a. Alien Ressurection--feel free to add new elements in it though), and that (assumption here) Highemp now has a group of scientist-type flunkies serving him.

On a side note, I find it rather amusing that Geb's last name is "ohq". The future sure has a nice twist/conflict now http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif Oh yeah, and a--)

13. |_|. |\/|. |*.

( http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif)

Gebohq

08-06-2002, 02:39 PM

(NSP: Oh fine, here's an actual post.)

The writers of the Never-ending Story Thread find themselves in their own creation, with the Hall of Heroes visible from out their windows.

Geb the writer: Now wait a minute--who's writing what's happening now, then?

Sem the writer: Do you really want to know?

Geb the writer: Hm...good point. But how did this happen?

Kyle K. the writer: Isn't it obvious? That Highemperor guy must have something to do with it?

Maybe the writer: We better go check it out.

GTW, STW, and MaybeTW enter into HTW's secret room, to find him plugged in once again. STW attempts to unplug him, only to find a force field protecting him.

Sem the writer: I don't know how he did it, but it seems he brought the entire office building with him into the thread. This field seems to be beyond anything I've seen as well.

Geb the writer: So this means...?

Sem the writer: We're screwed. You know how much pain we put our characters through? We'll never make it out alive!

Geb the writer: Well, I guess we better get use to living here then, and hope Morris the Cat doesn't bring upon a world-wide famine anytime soon--

Maybe the writer: Wait! Do you guys remember the errors we kept getting recently when we started writing the thread?

Sem the writer: They're called "plot holes", dear. It's what lets us be lazy in posting.

Maybe the writer: No, I mean the ones not caused by us! The ones that lead our characters to just embark in trying to find its source!

Geb the writer: Yeah, I remember. I assumed it had to do with the Highemperor guy though.

Maybe the writer: It might not be though. I say we head over to the Hall of Heroes and see what clues WE can find, in the present state of the thread.

Geb the writer: Right...it could be worse I suppose. Let's round up everyone then.

Sem the writer: Ack! I only have four fingers on my hand!

How will the writers affect the thread? Will they be able to find any clues as to what evil force is behind the plan to bring NeS to its knees? I'm taking back what I said about my wish for the heroes to fail--I don't want to have to improvise!

Poster Geb: Wait for me!

Oh no, not him!

Geb the writer: Uh-oh--I hope he dpesn't have any descendants...

KyleKatarn7

08-06-2002, 04:30 PM

Still in the writer's dimension...

* KyleKatarn the Writer, busy at his computer, decides to get a snack. On the way to the fridge, KKtW passes the window filled with an apocalyptic vision of the future in which lightning flashes against a pale red sky, hover cars zoom by with all the silence of a gut-shot rancor, and mechs walk around having random fights with each other while pedestrians merely grumble at the delay a giant metal foot in the road causes. After obtaining his prized 2-liter of Code Red, KKtW takes a look out the window just as a 42 hovercar pileup takes place 50 meters from the window. Taking a swig from his 2-liter, and swearing he'd get off the stuff soon, Kyle returns to his computer and begins typing.. *

Two hundred years earlier...

Janitor Bob: "Allright troops, I'm gonna go get more windex. By the time I get back, I expect this room to be clean. *Gestures expansively*"

* A pan of the room begins with his gesture, showing the paintball marks on the wall, the mud strewn about that says "Geb wuz hear!!1", and, finally, the 2 meter pile of silly string covering Mark Hamill. *

Group: "Awwwwwww"

J-Bob: "Shush, I've seen worse.. *shudders*"

Group: *dejected* "Yes...sir....."

J-Bob: "That's better."

* J-bob leaves, and Spasm, Fluffy, Taz, and Kyle are faced with the insurmountable challenge of cleaning the room *

Kyle: ".....Let's ditch J-Bob and get some pizza!"

Others: "W00t! Pizza!"

Taz: "Hey guys, I think I just heard the silly string say 'Help me!'"

Kyle: "Shush, it's not our problem now. Let J-Bob help the silly string blob."

Taz: "Guys....the silly string is talking to me again..."

Fluffy: "Ohh...ummm.....well, it must be telling you that you need to get out more, and to come with us to get pizza. Now hurry up!"

Spasm: "Guys...I think that pile of metal over there was talking to me as well."

Kyle: "Allright, that's it, we're leaving!"

* At the all-night pizza parlor... *

Kyle: "We'd like 20 pizzas; 10 of them will be extra cheese, 5 will be pepperoni and sausage, 4 will be ham and pineapple. And one will be anchovies, liverworst, tripe, limburger, onions, habaneros, and pepperoni. Ohhh, and put all of that on Janitor Bob's tab."

Spasm: "...Kyle?..."

Kyle: *whispering* "We'll give the last pizza to J-bob, say we had it specially made for him since he didn't come with us, and blame all the cost on his pizza."

Spasm: "Ohhhhhh...harsh, I like." *Smiles malevolently*

* 24 hours later... *

Taz: *groan* "If I eat one more slice, I'm gonna puke...mmmmmmm, extra extra extra cheese pizza... NO! Must...resist....pizza! Pass it here. No! Yes! No!..." *passes out*

Kyle: "Well, I guess he's out of the pizza eating contest. I can't believe he only ate one slice..."

Spasm: "Yeah, really..."

* Just then, a random scientist dude walks in... *

RSD: "You people are perfect! We need to test out the equipment on the average shmoe...and it pays 500$"

Everybody: "We're shmoes, we're shmoes!"

RSD: "Perfect, come with me."

* After reviving Taz with a whiff of J-Bob's pizza, Spasm, Fluffy, Taz, and Kyle all follow the RSD to his labs. *

RSD: "Ok, I need all of you to get into these pods, and then, once we're all done, you'll get the money."

Taz: "So...how long will this take?"

RSD: "Not long at all *under his breath* when you consider the age of the universe."

Taz: "Sounds good to me. Let's go."

* RSD proceeds to strap them all down in individual pods.. *

RSD: "Ok, now that we've got you all strapped down, we'll begin the freezing process."

Kyle: "Freezing process?"

RSD: "Oh yes, didn't you know? This is a cryogenics lab. Now I should warn you, this may hurt just a bit..."

* 200 years later...*

* Fade in on a dilapidated lab, strewn with assorted lab equipment, and dusty enough to make J-Bob weep openly. In the background, we can see the line of cryogenic pods, complete with frosted up windows. We can hear a generator puttering along, sputtering slightly. Soon, it begins having discernable trouble, and finally quits. After being given enough time to defrost, our heroes emerge. Temporarily blind, our heroes stumble around for a bit, until a masked stranger walks in. The stranger walks past Spasm, Fluffy, and Kyle, and walks straight to Taz. *

* Masked Stranger helps Taz up. *

Taz: "What..who are you? Why can't I see anything?"

Masked Stranger: "Hush, you have cryogenic sickness. Your eyesight will return shortly. As for who I am...well, I'm some one who loves you..."

* Just then, ominous laughter can be heard. *

Masked Stranger: "I must go, good luck on your quest. Here is something that will come in handy... *Hands over a clown nose*."

* Outside the door, marching footsteps can be heard, as well as shouted orders. *

MS: "Good luck, and smell ya later Taz..." *blows a kiss, then leaves by another door*

Kyle: "Well...that was odd."

* Meanwhile, 200 years in the past....*

J-Bob: "Hey guys, I'm back from the windex store. You would not believe the line they had at the...guys?"

Mark Hamill: *muffled* "I think I heard them going for pizza...now can somebody please get me out of here?!"

J-Bob: "Oh sure, just a sec... There we go, good as new."

Mark Hamill: "Thanks man, how can I ever repay you?"

J-Bob: "You can start in this room, and work your way around the entire Hall of Heroes. *tosses him a sponge and some windex* Now get going."

* 13 hours, 9 minutes, and 34 seconds later, we find Mark Hammil cleaning the Thingy *

Mark Hamill: "Looks like you've got some carbon scoring here...I wonder if... Aiieeeeeeeeeeee!"

Yes, you guessed correctly. In his cleaning duties, Mark Hamill has unwittingly thrown himself back, or forward, into the time warp! Where does he end up? That's for you to decide. Next time, on the Never-Ending Story: Let's do the time warp again!

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited August 06, 2002).]

Tracer

08-06-2002, 06:20 PM

NSP: Once again, everything has been completely circumvented. Comedy.

*A light drizzle of rain falls from the sky on Neo-London. The camera zooms in to the technologically gothic British Parliament Building, where the British Prime Minister (a robot) prepares to deliver his speech.*

Robotic PM: (steps up to the podium, clears throat) My fellow Gentlemen...

*The Robot Prime Minister's voice is smooth and articulate, with a slight Manchester accent. Adding to the dignity is the snappy suit and tie his is clad in. As he speaks, the reporters (mostly cyberpunk types) raise their cameras and digital recording devices. Finally, the Q&A portion of the press release begins...*

Robotic Prime Minister: ...I shall now field questions and queries...yes, you there.

Punk Reporter: What's your stance on the new population density proposal?

*The Prime Minister opens his metallic mouth to speak, but before he can utter a word a chrono-vortex opens above the stage. Everyone dives for cover amid the howling wind and blinding light as a lone sponge-clutching figure is spat out and comes crashing into the stage, splitting it in two.*

*It's acclaimed actor Mark Hamill!*

*The crowd slowly regains it's senses. The Robot President peeks up over the smashed podium.*

Robot Prime Minister: I say, what the devil was all that ruckus?

*Acclaimed Secret Service agent and bodyguard Lawrence Turead the Fifth is quick to asses the situation.*

Lawrence Turead the fifth: (Drawing his gun)Not to worry, Mr. Pres'dent. Okay, freeze foo'!

*Standing agape, Mark Hamill lets his sponge and Windex drop to the futuristic ground. At that, Lawrence Turead V ('Lawrie' to his friends) marches over to Mark and places him in custody.*

Lawrence: (Slapping the high-tech handcuffs on Mark Hamill) You're under arrest, foo'!

*Lawrence then proceeds to march Mark Hamill towards his souped-up hovervan. However, before he can cover the distance, four familliar faces appear.*

Mark Hamill: Oh, hi, Geb.

Gebohq: Hello, Mark.

*Neither Mark nor Geb finds anything strange about running into the other 200 years in the future*

Gebohq: Mark, I'd like you to meet a descendant of mine, Asaohq. Asa-Mark-Mark-Asa.

Asaohq: Good day.

Mark Hamill: How do you do?

*Asaohq and Mark Hamill nod pleasently, unable to shake due to Mark being restrained by futuristic shackles.*

Lt. Randy: So, how did you end up in this noirish future?

Mark Hamill: Well, you wouldn't believe -

Lawrence: Enough! Ah dunno who people are, but Ah'm haulin' this foo' off foah questionin'!

Lt. Randy: It's okay, we'll vouch for him.

Gebohq: We're acquaintences, you understand.

Lawrence: Now jus' hold on -

Losien: Did you hear that, Mr. Hamill? You're free to go. (she steers him away from Lawrence).

Gebohq: Another job well done. Hey, is that robot wearing a tuxedo?

Asaohq: Yes, he's the Prime Minister -

Lawrence Turead the fifth, acclaimed bodyguard: Hold on a mintue! There ain't gonna be no vouchin' for nobody! This foo' is unda arrest until ah find out what he's doin' flyin' through tha air with cleanin' equipment, smashin' thangs! (he indicates the demolished stage with his powerful gun) An' you, Mistah Gebohq, bettah step off, or tha only acquaintences you'll be makin' will be yah fellow prisonahs. (he emphasizes the point by poking Geb in the cheast)

*Gebohq and Lawrence Turead the fifth stare at one another for a long moment. Geb backs down first.*

Gebohq: You've won this round, Mister Turead the fifth, but this isn't over. If we were in my time, I'd show you what's what.

*But Lawrence isn't listening. He hauls Mark Hamill into his hovervan, which he also enters, and then whisks into the sky, falling in with the other airborne traffic. Several British Secret Service agents surround their robotic leader and hurry him deeper into the parliament building, away from any perceived danger. The cyberpunk reporters disperse, off to write up stories for their news agencies, leaving Geb, Asa, Randy and Losien standing alone in the rain.*

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited August 06, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited August 06, 2002).]

Tracer

08-07-2002, 12:40 AM

*Meanwhile, back in the past Krig and CookedHaggis find themselves deposited in downtown Silicon Valley.*

Krig the Viking: Where shiny go?

CookedHaggis: (collecting himself after his harrowing experience in the Thingy) We appear to have arrived at the appointed time.

Krig the Viking: Krig no see shiny.

CookedHaggis: Well then, shall we commence with our mission? I recommend heading for the local aerodrome, where we may be able to catch The Last True Evil and question him about the disruptions in the space/time continuum.

Krig the Viking: Shiny! (spotting the tin foil, Krig snatches it up off the ground and pops it into his mouth)

CookedHaggis: Or would you prefer to abandon the search for The Last True Evil, who quite frankly is of dangerous and unscrupulous character, and attempt to discover more passive clues?

Krig the Viking: (chewing) Krig like clues!

CookedHaggis: I see. Well, let's be off then.

*CookedHaggis straightens his moustache and drapes his little white cloth over his right arm. Krig munches on the wrapper and hefts his battleaxe over his shoulder. Together, they walk off to save the day.*

NSP: Can't forget about the other time periods. And Michael, Michael the hero and Tracer are currently aboard a private jet bound for Austria, where they will investigate the time travelling menace in the present and attempt to possibly hook up with Antestarr.

Gebohq

08-08-2002, 09:47 AM

(NSP: Though I bring this up due to Kyle's last post, this goes to everybody:

Most of this part of the thread (from the beginning of page 35 until whenever we wrap up this sidestory) is going to be the basic premise for the NeS game. Therefore, only so many characters and such can be involved at this point, so I'd jsut like to ask all of you now to keep the character number to a minimum and focus more on good character relation and whatnot, as conversation choices and finding clues will be the key part of the gameplay.

As for Kyle specifically, I don't mind YOU joining, as long as you post regularly and keep the above in mind--in the editing process, I may switch characters around and whatnot, depending on how it unfolds. I ask though that Taz and Spasm NOT be included, unless they write themselves in. I'll tell you all now that I'll be wary of writing for your characters myself until I see that you're posting regularly and that your character begins to play a good role in the story. I apologize for not finding a way myself to include everybody.

Now I need to yell at Sem for not weaving his usual NeS-style beauty into the thread. Oh yeah, can't forget to add a--)

B.enevolentU.pwardM.obilityP.ost!

KyleKatarn7

08-08-2002, 10:11 PM

(OOC: I completely understand Geb...I'll think of some way to write them out before they encounter the others, and I'll just have to post more often on here, won't I? =) )

* Fade in on the dilapidated lab. Fluffy, Taz, and Spasm crowd around the rubber clown nose, arguing over just how it could help in their "quest", whatever it may be. Kyle, the slicer that he is, can't resist the beckon of the computer, and begins hacking... *

Fluffy: "I'm telling you, it's a conspiracy by Microsoft. We shouldn't get involved. We should just ditch this clown nose and get out of here."

Taz: "We have no way of knowing Microsoft has anything to do with this..."

Fluffy: "Oh come on, it's always Microsoft!"

Kyle: "Maybe not...look at what I just found..."

* All the others crowd around the screen. *

Taz: "This lab brought to you by...FurbyCo?"

Just then, a crackling, deep blue vortex appears in the air. A disembodied voice flows from the mystic portal...

J-Bob: "Fluffy, Taz, Spasm, you've got a lotsa 'splaining to do."

Fluffy, Taz, and Spasm: "Uh oh..."

J-Bob: "Hurry up. We still have to clean up upstairs. And because of your little pizza stunt, you'll have to clean with toothbrushes."

Fluffy, Taz, and Spasm: "Yes sir..."

And so, with morose faces and dejected stride, Fluffy, Taz, and Spasm enter the portal.

Kyle: "Well, that was lucky. I wonder if the plot hole people are.....nahhh. Hey look, Taz droppped his rubber nose, and I suppose his quest is now mine...whatever it may be...and why in the world am I talking to myself? Am I that close to the edge of insanity? What do you think Mr. Bimble? *listens to his thumb* Is that so, Mr. Bimble? Whoa..."

Meanwhile, two hundred and several years ago...

* Open on the long-forgotten arena. As we watch, a yodified, younger SemiEvil walks over to a large hunk of cheese, reverts to his skeletal form and triples in size, returning once more to the SemiEvil we all know. Suddenly, in the background, a 2-meter diameter vortex appears, spits out Semievil and Ford, and disappears just as quickly, leaving the world exactly the same...except for its two additions of course. *

Semievil: "Whoa...what a trip."

Ford: "You said it...so, what now?"

Semievil: *rears up to his full height* "We look for clues."

Will Kyle ever find out what his inherited quest is? Will Semievil and Ford find any clues? Find out next time the Never-Ending Story!

(OOC: Didn't want to mess anything else up, but I did want to at least set up part of this sub-story. As for Kyle's quest thing, I was thinking of a sort of sub-sub story for Kyle to go on, a more personal sort of quest where he might join up with the others later. If that doesn't work, I'll be glad to change it.)

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

IS_ford1342

08-08-2002, 10:16 PM

(NSP: i've been reading up on how im supposed to do this. ill be posting for the game subplot tomorrow, or later today if you prefer as it is now exactly 12:30 (seriously it just changed i watched it.) Anywhos i will be posting for my Subplot now. it'll only be a short one but hey. also if any of those not involved in the game subplot wish to have a clue of what im planning (as much good as that does in this thread) they can e-mail me at ford_prefect1342@hotmail.com )

across the street from the Arena, in an "abandoned" 7-11, a light glows dimly near the beer case. the glowing thing happens to be asmall box-shaped thing that looks plagaristicly like a mousebot. a figure is bent over it, muttering to himself (or is it to the thing which he is bent over?). he is clad in the ragged remains of a <<description to be placed here when avilable>> and a pair of shoes with only one sole, and half a shoelace. suddenly he bops the thing

Gettle: HA! lets se that makes 4 for me and 372 for you. ha ha im catching up to you my little friend. in no time at all youll be begging not to send you across the street to the Arena in one of those dresses i found in the janitors closet. its funny tho'. i wonder why the door to that room said "BOB" on it. i mean its obviously a janitors closet. oh well im sure it'll come to me.

TMTGB: BING!

Gettle: What do you mean a great evil is out looking for you? who the hell would want to have you around for company?

TMTGB: BING!

Gettle: *looking embarassed*Oh, yeah. *he perks up*Hey, wanna go again?

THTGB: BING!

Gettle: okay. ready? One. Two. Three. Damn. that makes 373 for you, and 4 for me. we are still playing best 451 out of 900 right?

TMTGB: BING!

Gettle: good. By the way, where in the hell did you learn to play Rock, paper, scissors, anyway?

TMTGB: BING!

Gettle: oh realy? thats intersting. again? okay. Ready? One...

Will Gettle ever get out of the 7-11 across the street from the Arena? Will that shadowy cat figure mentioned in the last several of this writers posts ever appear again? will gettle ever get a clue? will my quesionts that always start with "will" and usually have an "ever" in there somewhere, ever be any different? And what of this evil searching for TMTGB? oh wait i just answered one of my own questions. Oh ****. Oh well. Find out the answers to the questions that i didnt answer next time on...NeS: World class RPSing.

Gettle: damn! hey wait a minute! youre not fudging to scorecard are you?

[This message has been edited by IS_ford1342 (edited August 08, 2002).]

Tracer

08-10-2002, 10:16 PM

NSP: Oops...er, can we say that the heroes traveresed realms as while as times?

Krig the Viking

08-11-2002, 04:30 PM

Finally, the exciting conclusion to the Bert and Ernie Saga! What wonders will it contain? Read on!

*The Arena. Once a place where good and evil clashed for the fate of the Earth, now a place remodled into the home base of the Legion of Spookay, where a long-forgotten battle rages on. In the centre of the dusty floor of the Arena, amid giant chickenbones, broken teapot handles, the odd rabbit walker carcass, and one or two bits of very alive food, stand two muppets, facing each other down. One, short and orange, cackles evilly as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. The other, tall and yellow, assumes a kung-fu stance, shaking his head to clear his mind. In the stands, two armies sit, watching, one army of pidgeons, the other of rubber duckies. For a moment, all is calm. Then, the tall yellow muppet speaks.*

Bert: "There is still time, Ernie! Come with me back to Sesame Street! We can put all this behind us!"

Ernie: "Kheeheehee, you pathetic fool, pathetic fool. Don't you see? They're against us, all of them! All of them! Only the duckies remain loyal! Only the duckies!"

Bert: "Look at what you've become, Ernie! You're twisted; evil! You're misusing the power of the rubber duckie for your own ends! Remember what you were like before? Back at Sesame Street?"

Ernie: "They were happy days, yes, yes. But they are gone now! Gone! They hate us! All of them! All of them!"

*With that, the orange muppet lunges forward, spinning at Bert with a roundhouse kick. The taller muppet gracefully deflects the blow, and for several moments they exchange a series of rapid-fire kung-fu kicks and punches. Finally, Ernie gets the upper hand and delivers Bert a kick that sends him flying several yards. Bert tumbles to a halt, ending up in a low crouch.*

Bert: "Ernie! Listen to me! You have to come back with me! We need you!"

Ernie: "Need me? Need me? You rejected me! You sent me away! Why would you have need of me? Why?"

*Bert stands up, looking solemn.*

Bert: "I'll be frank with you, my old friend. Sesame Street has come to its darkest hour. Demon hordes from the North are descending upon our beloved street, and we've mobilized everyone that we can to hold them off, but we've taken heavy losses. We need your help desperately, Ernie!"

*Ernie turns away, hiding his googly eyes with his hand*

Ernie: "Sesame Street is under attack?"

Bert: "Yes, Ernie, and we need your help desperately. Please come back with me! You're our only hope!"
*Sanity returns to Ernie's eyes, and he looks off at the horizon heroically.*

Ernie: "I'll do it, Bert! If Sesame Street needs me, I cannot refuse them! Let's go save the world!"

Bert: "Actually, we'd just be saving Sesame Street, not the whole world."

Ernie: "Whatever! Let's go!"

Reunited once again, the two muppets fly off into the sunset, carried by their respective bird-hordes. What will become of them? Will they save Sesame Street? That, my friends, is a story for another time. Wait, why did I call you my friends? I hate you all! You're not my friends! Arrgh!

Tune in next time for more exiting, and probably less muppet-related, adventure.

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited August 11, 2002).]

IS_ford1342

08-11-2002, 08:09 PM

in front of the Massassi Forums Bulding, and across the street from the Hall of Heroes, the grey Lumina is still parked. its occupant is now unconcious with his head on the steering wheel.

Luina: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK

at the entrance to the MFB

GebtW: hey guys...whats all that green stuff on the floor.

MaybetW: i dunno. maybe its something we can eat.

Otter: c'mon guys its just grass. we write about it all the time.

LosientW: Really? i always imagined it to be more of a burgandy color...

GebtW: well, whatever. i wish that noise would stop, its making my head hurt.

SemtW: you have a headache too? i just thought i was in Coke withdrawl.

MtW: look! it sounds like its coming from tht car with the pringles can taped to the roof.

KrigtW: Pringles?

in the past, in the arena.

FutureFord: hey sem... you got short.

FutureSem: mmmmmm, yes. reverted it seems, yoda form to i have.

FFord: great. is it permanent?

FSem: like this remain i will, some cheese i eat until.

FFord: do you have to rhyme too?

FSem: really not. means this too far back have we gone. arrived yet my sister has not.

FFord: this is going to be a loooooooong mission.

What will the Writers find in the grey Lumina? and whats with the pringles can? And will ford make it through the mission sane?enext time find out you will on Story The Neverending!

FFord: great. now youve got HIM doing it.

JorBo

08-12-2002, 08:28 PM

JorBo wakes up covered in cobwebs and slouched over a table in a Burger King

JorBo: What the hell just happened? I feel violated.

[This message has been edited by JorBo (edited August 12, 2002).]

Gebohq

08-12-2002, 08:45 PM

(NSP: No relaly, this ain't a pattern--I will post story posts! But for now, I just shoudl say to Tracer yes, it can be traversing time and dimension--whatever works. As for JorBo, read this page and you'll get the gist. Burger King, teehee...)

B.U.M.P.!

Tracer

08-12-2002, 09:25 PM

*After hours of fruitless searching, CookedHaggis and Krig find themselves facing the massive Silicon Valley International Airport.*

CookedHaggis: (sits down on a bench) What do you say we have a brief rest, old bean?

Krig the Viking: Bean?

CookedHaggis: I know my feet are quite tired after all that walking...a mite of rest shall do me good.

*Just then, Krig notices TLTE arguing with an airline employee!*

Krig the Viking: Krig see TLTE!

CookedHaggis: Egad! We've got to corner him!
*The two heroes hurry withour running towards TLTE, but to no avail: mere seconds after being spotted, The Last True Evil passes through the security checkpoint and, after disposing of his Klobb, boards the airliner.*

CookedHaggis: Blast! I'm afraid we simply have no other option to confront him onboard the aircraft. (he glances at the security gate) But how will we get onboard in the first place? Sorry, but I seem to be short on francs at the moment.

*At that Krig reaches into his pocket and withdraws a rumpled airline captain's hat. He removes his viking skullcap and places the captain's hat upon his head.*

Krig the Viking: Krig needed money. Krig pilot.

CookedHaggis: Well, that provides you with adaquate cover, but what about myself?

Krig the Pilot: Not worry. Krig have plan.

*Five minutes later, Krig and Haggis are standing in the men's room, with Haggis pearched in a strategic position. Momentarily, a young flight attendant enters.*

Flight Attendant: Uh, you wanted to see me, Captain Vykeen?

Krig the Pilot: Yes.

*Whack!*

CookedHaggis: Ah, that went rather well.

*It did indeed. The flight attendant lies concussed on the ground after a well-placed shot to the head with a viking skullcap. Not wasting any time, Haggis quickly appropriates the flight attendant's uniform.*

CookedHaggis: Right then. Our flight awaits.

*Haggis and Krig stride towards the loading gate, leaving behind a sharply dressed viking.*

Gebohq

08-17-2002, 01:18 PM

Meanwhile, on page 12, in a matinence shack hidden to the side in a carnival fair, a TV's static shower eminates. Just moments ago, the heroes of that time had entered the TV , soon to be trapped by the evils known as Darkside, "They", and Furby00, and later, to search for the Holy Hand Remote which would let them return. Now though, as the heroes have just discovered the presence of Darkside and "They", only the static and their voices in a barely audible volume are the only activity in the shack.

That is, until a mystical swirl opens, spewing out Maybechild and The Otter from page 35. The Otter lies unconscious on the ground, while Maybechild tries to get her bearings.

Maybechild: Geb will pay for this...Otter! Wake up!

*Maybechild baps Otter on the head, bringing him back to consciousness.*

Otter: Ow! I'm awake mu'mmy... oh wait. It's just you.

*Maybechild baps him on the head again.*

Otter: OW! What'd you do that for?

Maybe: Cuz you were being obnoxious again. No wait, you're always like that. Oh well. http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

Otter: Geez, thanks.

Maybe: Anyways, on to business. It appears that we have arrived when we were suppose to. I suppose that's one thing to be thankful of. We should first--Otter!

Otter: What?

*Due to the nature of this scene, the cameraman has graciously NOT shown us what Otter is doing right now.*

Maybe: Just because it's the Spice channel doesn't mean--

Otter: With you and Losien on it.

Maybe: --With Losien and I on it, doesn't mean--*turns around* URGH!!!

Otter: I love you too http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif....dangit, it switched to the History Channel. *readjusts himself back to the way he was before*

Maybe: *whispering to no one in particular* Why...why me...

Otter: Man, I've seen this episode before. Let's see what else is on--

Maybe: NO! DON'T TOUCH IT!

*Maybechild jumps to intercept Otter, tackling him on the ground.*

Otter: I like it when you play rough.

Maybe: You do, eh?

*A distinct "thunk" is heard, and seconds later, Otter's eyes buldge out.*

Otter: *gasping* So much for being a father...

*Maybechild searches the shack for clues while the Otter continues to try and recover.*

Oh-oh, what new and exciting pains will be inflicted--err--that is, what new and exciting clues will our heroes find? Keep reading, and you might find out. Maybe. Get it? Maybe you'll find out what Maybe will find... I know, my wit astonishes me even.

(NSP: I, as are many of you, are probably preparing to get back to school. Thus, at least for me, my posting will be limited if at all for a couple weeks. Hopefully after that though NeS can pick up again, and we can get this thing movin' http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited August 17, 2002).]

KyleKatarn7

08-17-2002, 11:10 PM

Meanwhile, 200 and some years in the future...

* Fade in on the Good Ol' Dilapidated lab. *

Kyle: "What's that Mr. Bimble? The world's round, you say?.....nah, that can't be right. Hey, don't talk back to me, Mr.: You're the one living in my thumb. Don't think I won't kick you out man...cause I will. What's that? You think I should continue on this quest dealy? Oh, allright."

Finally leaving the lab after three days of arguing with his thumb,...never mind, it's too easy to joke about that...Kyle opens the door and enters this strange new world. Outside, he finds a long hall done completely in dark grey metal, probably steel. The lighting is flickering at best, most of the light bulbs darkened from years of neglect, with patches of darkness strewn about. This lack of lighting, of course, is a freakish combination with the almost-reflective quality of the steel. Thoroughly creeped out, especially considering he only has his datapad and his wit as weapons, Kyle makes his way down the hall. In the background, Jaws music is playing on repeat, always coming to a crescendo when he reaches a long patch of darkness.....Wits as his only weapon, eh?...He's a goner.

Kyle: "Dude..this hall is giving me the creeps... *feels the slightest touch of fur against his leg, whirls about* Who's there?!...Anybody there??.... *feels a breeze coming from behind him, whirls about again* Dude! This is seriously not cool... I could be back at the lab, or even at the Hall of Heroes, slicing some bank account or something, or even cleaning with J-bob and the others, but noooooo, I have to be brought along on this foolhardy quest...and I don't even know what I'm questing for! All I know is it involves this FurbyCo, a masked stranger, and this stupid clown nose. What in the world am I supposed to do with a clown nose? And what the hell just brushed my leg again? *Whirls around, finds nothing again, feels the same breeze, whirls again, again finds nothing* I'm noticing a pattern here..."

Finally, after a half hour of walking down this paranoia-inducing hall, he finds something worth noticing: A sign, painted in red, dripping paint by the boys in set design, that reads "Leave now, while you still can." Several meters after that, a second warning: "You have been warned. Turn back, and save yourself. Continue, and face the consequences."

Kyle: "I wonder if somebody's trying to tell me something..."

Finally, after 23 more warnings implying certain death should he continue, Kyle has reached the end of his journey. He stands facing a plain, well-lit wooden door, with Tomorrow Comes Today blaring in the background. On the door, a sign: "Know ye who enter here, once past this threshold you step, ye shalt not pass again." Grasping the door knob, and understandably reluctant to open it, Kyle counts down from three. On one, he turns the knob, shoulders the door aside, and rushes through. The door slams shut behind him, leaving him stranded in a sea of darkness. Finally, a lone light turns on, surrounding him and a meter around him in light. He hears a slight noise approaching him and his light, and Kyle prepares himself. Finally, in the darkness, he can see a shape. It slowly resolves itself, until, reaching the light, he can see that it is--

Kyle: "A RABBIT?!?!?! *Breaking into laughter, and picking up the lone rabbit* "Well, my little friend, you sure gave me quite a scare. Heh heh heh..."

* Suddenly, right in front of him, Kyle hears a repeat of the pattering noise the rabbit had made in approaching him. Only, this time, it sounds more like 500 rabbits approaching at once. A nearby glass of water, conveniently placed at the edge of the nimbus of light, shows ripple upon ripple upon ripple, as the cacophany of rabbit feet approaches... *

Kyle: "Eep..."

Is this the end for Kyle? Will he ever find out what his quest is for? Will his quest somehow tie in with the quests of the others? Will I ever get a raise? Find out next time on the Never-Ending Story: The Second Level.

(OOC: Sorry that I couldn't post about any of the other adventurers, but this was already getting too long. Rest assured, I will when I can. Oh, I almost forgot....B.U.M.P.!)

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited August 17, 2002).]

The Last True Evil

08-19-2002, 07:37 AM

*Krig and CookedHaggis covertly board the aircraft. Immediately, they begin looking for TLTE, but suddenly, the intercom pipes up.*

Intercom: Would the pilot please find his way to the cockpit to fly the plane, please.

Krig: Krig not now how to fly plane!

CookedHaggis: I know, old friend, but just...try your best. I'll find TLTE quickly, and then we can appropriate the parachutes ourselves.

*He begins to present pre-flight beverages to the passengers. Mildly encouraged, Krig heads to the cockpit.*

*The flight is soon underway, and Krig's flying is passable, albeit slightly shaky. CookedHaggis, however, cannot find TLTE, and immediately (correctly) assumes he has donned one of his many disguises.*

CookedHaggis: How am I going to find him now? Unless...

*Mercifully, Krig has a burst of ingenuity and assumes a clear pilot's intercom voice:*

Krig: Would all Russian spies please stand up and be counted, please?

*CookedHaggis scans the cabin quickly, just as a middle-aged lady rises, then gasps and sits down quickly again. Smiling, Haggis produces a handgun.*

CookedHaggis: FREEZE, TLTE!

Middle-Aged Lady: Oh, borscht.

*Ripping off his disguise, TLTE rushes past Haggis and makes a run for the airtight door, but is cut off by Krig.*

Krig: TLTE not going anywhere, buddy.

Haggis: Krig, who's flying the plane???

*A look of horror sweeps across Krig's face, but luckily, a plot hole leaps from its seat and dashes toward the cabin, saving the day.*

CookedHaggis: *whew* Now, hands behind your-

*Suddenly, an evil laugh echoes through the cabin. Before anyone can react, a passenger in a black trenchcoat and matching hat leaps out of his seat, grabbing him around the neck and dragging him toward the airtight door.*

CookedHaggis: What the...?

Krig: Who is mysterious dark man?

*The figure takes off his hat, revealing a tall, broad-shouldered man in roughly his late fifties, with a pointy white beard and
familiar shaped features.*

Figure: I...am The Very Last True Evil!

*Dramatic music filters in through the intercom. Krig makes a lunge for the two LTEs, but TVLTE deftly kicks him, sending him tumbling down the aisle. Haggis attempts to pistol-whip at least one of them, but TVLTE grabs his gun hand, releasing TLTE, who tumbles dazedly to the floor. Haggis and TVLTE struggle for the gun, eventually falling to the floor and battling furiously.*

CookedHaggis: Why...are you....doing this?

TVLTE: The answer to....that question..lies in....our FUTURE!

*Before Haggis can pose another question, TVLTE gains control and fires the gun. CookedHaggis has just enough time to mouth the word "no" before depressurisation occurs and the plane's passengers are sucked out into the cold blue sky....*

(NSP: Great to be back!)

[This message has been edited by The Last True Evil (edited August 19, 2002).]

Tracer

08-19-2002, 08:53 AM

NSP: Hey, you're back. Whatever happened to you, anyways?

*In the MaybeChild and Otter past, the two time travellers search for clues. Otter happens upon a TV converter connected to the large 20" screen.*

Otter: I think I've found a clue!

*He certainly has. The LED numbers displayed on the converter are flipping according to the television's current channel.*

MaybeChild: (leery) What is it?

Otter: This seemingly normal cable converter appears to be responding to commands from the Holy Hand Remote. It could very well be the second half of the Remote. The Yin to it's yang. The pork to it's beans. Groom to it's bride.

MaybeChild: Yes, I see what you're getting at. We can use the converter to counter the Remote's commands, and possibly pull the heroes out of their current state of flux...nice job, Otter.

Otter: The jam to it's toast - uh, what was that?

MaybeChild: I said, nice job. You figured something out.

*Otter smiles triumphantly, but before he can ask for a date a half-destroyed jetliner materializes right on their very location, forming a strange damaged jet aircraft/shack combination structure. Haggis and Krig, dizzily get to their feet.*

CookedHaggis: I say, what in God's name happened?

Krig: Krig activate temporal return safety device during accident.

CookedHaggis: Then why the devil aren't we back at HQ, my good man?

Krig: Not know. Maybe device damaged during fight with TLTE and subsequent wild ride.

CookedHaggis: Ye gads, TLTE! I'd almost forgotten!

*As if on cue, The Last True Evil and his new compatriot The Very Last True Evil emerge; TLTE pulls himself from under a pile of fallen luggage while TVTLE emerges from the kitchen section, cursing in Russian.*

Otter: Wow, what's going on here?

CookedHaggis: It's The Last True Evil and The Very Last True Evil! We've got to stop them!

TLTE: You may try, imperialist, but you will not succeed.

TVLTE: Indeed. This time displacement was provides one with an excellent opportunity to dispose of you (He smiles an evil smile, and his gaze drifts to the TV converter).

*The two Soviets look at each other, and after the barest of nods spring into action. TVLTE makes a mad dash for the shack/aircraft's emergency exit, throwing open the door and sliding down the inflatable rescue slide. TLTE does a swan dive towards the television screen, intent on taking the heroes by surprise and murdering them. At the last second, MaybeChild slaps at the converter, changing the channel.*

CookedHaggis: Drat! Foiled once more!

MaybeChild: Quick, there's no time to lose! We've got to pursue them. Krig, Haggis; you two follow TLTE. (glances at TV) Otter and I will track down this new villian.

*The heroes quickly assent to MaybeChild's plan, and then dash of to adventure: Krig and CookedHaggis into the television (currently showing Jepardy re-runs), Otter and MaybeChild to the carnival and surrounding city.*

FastGamerr

08-20-2002, 04:20 AM

*appears from the shadows, watches around and fades again in the shadows.*

------------------
"I am FastGamerr...from Finland"
Don't know where Finland is? Well, if I were you, I wouldn't know either..

Gebohq

08-20-2002, 08:07 PM

(NSP: Yay! TLTE is back! At it couldn't be at a better time (as you may have noticed). TLTE--as for TEW, I'm waiting on Sem really, so in a couple weeks hopefully we'll be able to get it moving again. If you wish though, you can still post for your character's struggles, as I am fairly certain that the situation has been amply set-up. I am curious as well as to what caused your absense on the web for 2-3 months.

As for all you other writers & readers, as you may or may not know, Krig, Sem, J-bob, and myself are attempting to write a comedy novel inspired by the ways of NeS, currently under the title "This Needs a Better Name" and for a good reason. Here's the link to the forum the project is on:

http://pub22.ezboard.com/fthefirstrealmfrm19

The story itself is under the thread "The Story: This Needs a Better Name (TNBN)", which we would appreciate you all to read now and as it continues to be written for (sorry, but we can't take on any extra writers for this project). Please post your thoughts, comments, critisism, cheese, etc. on the "Questions, Answers, and other OOC stuff" thread as well as any potential titles for this novel you may have under the "Ideas for a title thread."

What I really posted this for was so that you writers and readers could contribute to the thread called "Inspirations for the source". There, I hope to find out what parts of NeS we (the writers of the novel-to-be) can turn to for inspiration, and not to a bad part of NeS (what? bad parts? What are you talking about?... http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif). I do warn you all though that the forum IS on EZBoard, which means lots of pop-up ads.

And because I'd feel guilty not doing so, here's a story post, though it's sadly much smaller than my NSP.)

Two hundred years in the future, in Neo London...

*Losien suddenly pokes herself in the stomach with her hand.*

Geb: Er...sis? What are you doing?

Los: *unhappy* Touching myself, apparently.

Geb: I knew this "interactive game" thing the writers started was a bad idea--hey!

*Geb starts poking himself. Randy starts to approach Losien, apparently happy what he felt the urge to do at that moment. Geb, however, smacks him back to sense.*

Geb: Well it's obvious that some people aren't interested in saving the world...

*The three give a mean glare at the audience/players.*

(NSP: Figured that these sort of things should be covered as well, and remembering these factors could make for some interesting twists.)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited August 21, 2002).]

IS_ford1342

08-21-2002, 01:57 PM

(NSP: you should all really check out that thing geb was talking about in the last post.its really interesting and stuff. but be warned. LOTS of popups. a lot of em.

Anywhos on with the story.)

The Maasassi Forums Building at a desk, sits/lies a male figure, sleeping. scatterd around his feet are several crumbs, a few poo-tay-toe chips bags, and plenty of hershey bar wrappers. Oh, the hershey bars! This must be none other than Gettleburger the Writer! it looks like hes waking up...

GettletW: *groan*ugh, thatt'll each me to go on one of my chocolate binges. hey look! a fun size snickers bar! *shakes head* No. no no. No...more... chocolate. Aaaaaaaaaaagh!

as gettle dives for the Fun Size Snickers bar, the writers are still trying to figure out who the man in the front seat of the lumina is. wait a minute. if the writers are doing that, then who is supplying me iwth my lines. no i won't shut up! i have a right to know! Do you knwo who i am? im the narrator, ive gmmmmf!....

<<please excuse the interuption of the narration. it seems our narrator hasnt been taking his medicine and needs to be taken in for more brai..er... i mean some more therapy. i will continue the narration until he is wholly loyal to... er..uh.. i mean until he is mentally stable. thank you for your cooperation. as i..er.. he was saying...our writers are trying to figure out who the man in the front seat of the lumina is.>>

GebtW: *under breath* Took you long enough.

<<i heard that>>

GtW: Damn.

Otter: look he's waking up.

Ford the Writer: *Groans* Oi.

MaybetW: he looks allright, just a little shook up. and theres a lump on his head.

KrigtW: that's what she said.

<<everyone glares at Krig>>

KtW: what?

FtW: ach, my head.whats going on? last thing i remember i was sitting here in my car and then there was a sensation that all of reality got sucked into some guys twisted head. Ow! something just shoked me.

<<its part of your therapy Ford.>>

FtW: whos that guy? and what therapy? Ow. *his eyes glaze over and he says in a monotone* Oh, yeah. my theraoy. right. the thing that keeps my pathological lying in check.

<<exactly>>

GebtW: Riiiiight. so youre ford the writer huh? well ive got a question for you? im sure all of us are wondering. why do you have a pringles can taped to your car?

FtW: *eyes not glazed anymore* oh its like an antenna. i use it to get free wireless internet. the pringles can helps pick up the signal better.

Otter: *suddely gets the urge to give maybe a hug, and prcedes as such, unable to control himself*

MaybetW: Ugh, go away. youre not even part of the adventure game.

Otter: i know...

Will gettle ever get out of his chocolate binge? what is the consequence of such a pointless, and non-plot-moving post? who is the person now writing the story?but more importantly: what are they going to do to me!?!?!!?!?!?

<<how did you get out?>>

Tracer

08-21-2002, 03:35 PM

*Meanwhile, back in TV-land Otter and MaybeChild find themselves in the midst of Jeopardy. TLTE is also there, his undercover disguise replaced by a red cardigan and khaki pants. The heroes also find their attires altered: MaybeChild is dressed like an aging hippy while Otter is dressed like a writer.*

Alex Trabek: Hello, and welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. Let's meet today's contestants.

*The crowd cheers.*

Alex Trabek: Hailing from Mother Russia, armed with only his wits and an extra dose of glasnost, former Politburo member and Soviet Premier, Mikhail Gorbachev!

*The camera zooms in on TLTE, and the crowd cheers once more.*

MaybeChild: What? That's not Gorbachev, it's The Last True Evil!

Alex Trabek: (chuckles) Oh yes, and who could forget the always clever and musically inclined contestant number two? Fresh from the release of her latest album, Cher!

*The camera zooms in and the crowd cheers again. Maybe is too stunned to speak.*

Alex Trabek: Moving on to conestant number three, let's have a warm welcome for famed children's writer and Ph.D, Doctor Seuss!

Otter: I really can't relate/why I was set upon this fate.

*Shock registers on Otter's face as he realizes what he has just said.*

Otter: I cannot see/what's happening to me?!

Alex Trabek: And finally, former presidential nominee and outspoken senator, Bob Dole!

*Camera zooms and the crowd cheers.*

Otter: I swear by his largish mole/that's not Bob Dole!

MaybeChild: HighEmperor^? How did you get here?

TLTE: Blast! How were you able to garner reinforcements at this location?

HighEmperor/Bob Dole: ...

*HighEmperor stares blankly into space, drooling on his console. His brain wires are still disconnected or something.*

Alex Trabek: Now that we've met eveyone, let's get started!

*The crowd cheers mindlessly.*

Alex Trabek: Today's catagories are (ding!) Recent History, (ding!)In the Time of the Dinosaurs, (ding!) Food Products, and (ding!) Bolsheviks. And don't forget, if you get stuck, there is also a random 'wildcard' catagory. Good Luck!

*The theme music plays. The applause lights come on, requiring the audience to clap.*

Alex Trabek: Mr. Gorbachev, you've got control of the board...

Otter: Dearest Cher, I daresay/why must we play when we could save the day?

MaybeChild: I want to get him, too, but I...let's just finish the game.

*The realm of TV-land seems to be exerting some form of mind control over the heroes (except for HighEmperor, who has no mind), forcing them to see the gameshow through.*

TLTE: Agreed...I will defeat you at Jeopardy and then I will defeat you with my fists! Alex, Bolsheviks for 200, please.

^For more details on HighEmperor's return to empty-headedness, see NeS Postscript files 1458a-c and 1460d*.

(NSP: *In other words, I'll make it up later. And the recent history catagory is about the history of the NeS...questions (or answers, it's Jeopardy) should be about anything or anyone from past pages of NeS.)

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited August 21, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited August 21, 2002).]

Tracer

08-21-2002, 09:19 PM

HighEmperor and Brian Baxter

*HighEmperor and his new flunkies stand in the operating room. An alarm panel blinks to life.*

HighEmperor: "Hello, what's this? (points to flunky) You there, what does that mean?"

Flunky: "It indicates a malfunction in the power grid, master. And to answer your next question, master, there are other xenomorphs quartered in this facility. And to answer your question after that, they are most likely running amok, slaughtering the research staff at this very moment. Master. "

*HighEmperor pales slightly at this announcement.*

HighEmperor: "I -"

Flunky: "- haven't got any powers because you were incubating the xenomorph queen, and as such will not be much use in putting down the threat."

HighEmperor: "Then -"

Flunky: "Master."

HighEmperor: "Well, that's just great. Do you have any positive suggestions?"

Flunky: "(pauses) No, master."

HighEmperor: "(sigh) Fine, then, let's have a poll. Does anyone have a suggestion which would help us escape this death trap alive?"

*Screams are heard in the distance. A strapping Australian flunky steps foreward. Australian like Muldoon from Jurassic Park, not like Steveo from Crocodile Hunter.*

HighEmperor: "Yes, you there - what's your suggestion?"

Australian Flunky: "Name's Baxter. Brian Baxter. I know the way outta this labyrinth, and I've got the firepower to survive the trip."

*Baxter shoulders a brutal-looking rifle to emphasize the point.*

HighEmperor: "Good. Lead on, Mr. Baxter."

*The party exits the laboratory for a long and violent journey through the research complex, in which they learn valuable life lessons and develop a complex web of interpersonal relationships. Also, several flunkies are eaten by the aliens.*

HighEmperor: "We made it! Good show, men!"

Baxter: "Looks like the cavalry's arrived, mate."

*Indeed it has. Several military drop-ships appear on the horizon, heading straigh for the complex (which is now half destroyed and aflame, thanks to the gratuitous and life-altering violence that occured inside it's walls. the drop-ships land and disgorge their cargo of crack marines. Two humorless FBI men is last ones out. They stride towards HighEmperor and Baxter.*

FBI Man #1: "(flashes holo-badge) We're Holland."

FBI Man #2: "(flashes holo-badge) And Van Owen, FBI. Mind if we have a litte chat?"

HighEmperor: "Actually yes, I've been through quite a bit recently and -"

Agent Holland: "Does this (produces the jar containt the alien queen) belong to you?"

HighEmperor: "Well, not really -"

Agent Van Owen: "(to Baxter)Why don't we take a walk, sir."

Baxter: "Why don't we not, sir.

*Holland and Van Owen look at eachother, nod, and draw their future pistols. Unfortunately for them, however, Baxter is quicker on the draw and in no time at all the two FBI men are smoking craters. Unfortunately for HighEmperor and Brian Baxter, Van Owen could no longer hold on to the jar containing the baby alien queen because he was dead. The xenomorph was quicker than both Baxter and HighEmperor, and it gave into it's ravenous primal instincts (EAT BRAINS!!). The alien scampered up HighEmperor's leg, then his torso, then his face and latched itself onto his brain. Lot's of screaming and pain followed, until HighEmperor passed out.*

Baxter: "produces a comm. unit) I've got trouble. My mate's gotta brain eatin' alien attached to his head. And if that's not bad enough, there's a entire bloody army division in the area."

Mysterious Contact: "I see. Would it be a problem if the army were to discover this particular incident?"

Baxter: "(agitated) You're bloody right it'd be bad!"

Mysterious Contact: "Just contemplating the alternatives."

Baxter: "I don't wanna hear about any bloody alternatives! All I wanna hear from you right now is 'sit tight. The cavelry, which will be heading directly to your location, is on the way."

Mysterious Contact: "Sit tight. The Fox, who will be heading directly to your location, is on the way. Is that good?"

*Baxter calms down.*

Baxter: "You're bloody well right it's good. In fact, that's *all* you had to say."

*Baxter closes the connection and hunkers down to wait for The Fox.*

End Brian Baxter and HighEmperor, Part One

(NSP: Stay tuned for a hopefully less Pulp Fictionish and more comedic part two.)

Tracer

08-21-2002, 11:54 PM

BRIAN BAXTER AND HIGHEMPEROR, PART II

Following their close encounter with strange alien xenomorphs and the FBI, HighEmperor and his lackies (including the blunt survivalist, Brian Baxter) awaited with baited breath the arrival of the one known as 'The Fox', who had the technical know-how required to detach the alien queen currently latched on to HighEmperor's brain.

'Fox' arrived, and making a quick assessment of the situation, immediately realized that the only way to save HighEmperor's life was to amputate his brain, which he did with a device that can only be described as a blender crossed with a rotary telephone crossed with a lobster. He then placed the brain (still attached to the alien) in a jar, and being more careful than the vapourized Agent Van Owen, declared the operation a success, so to speak.

The situation became complicated when The Fox felt snubbed by Brian Baxter, who, being his usual curt self failed to thank The Fox for saving the day, so to speak. 'Fox' declared that if his help was not appreciated, he could just leave things as he found them and take off. Baxter was tempted to the just tell him to piss the hell off, however in the end he bit the bullet and offered his thanks following which everybody shook hands and took off, but not before HighEmperor's 'recall device' (implanted by the almost certainly dead quack clone surgeon) malfunctioned in a blaze of Deus Ex Machina, spiriting him back through time and space to an episode of 'Celebrity Jeopardy' where he took the place of American Senator Bob Dole, thank you very much. The end.

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited August 22, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited August 22, 2002).]

JorBo

08-22-2002, 09:10 AM

With no way to get home JorBo stumbles down a back street of The Dark City. His clothes are now ripped and filthy. He holds a bottle of who-knows-what® in his hand.

JorBo: *buuuuuuurp*

JorBo passes out in the gutter

Semievil333

08-22-2002, 11:45 AM

Back in the past, FSTH has discovered one of Otter's buried bottles of booze

FSTH: "BUUUUUUBBLES tiny! Wine in the! Happy make me! Fine me make feel! Bubbles tiny! Make all over me warm!"

FFTH: "Uhh.. Sem?"

FSTH: "...."

FFTH: "Sem?"

FSTH: "...."

FFTH: "A response would be good."

FSTH: "....!!!"

FFTH: "Dude, what's with you?"

FSTH: *smacking FF in the kneecap with the unburied now empty bottle* "Yodafication the to blame is. Words single that are their order mixed up cannot have. Moron you are a."

FFTH: "Right... well... there's taco sauce filling up THE ARENA, is that bad?"

FSTH: "If we sauce have, tacos need we."

FFTH: "Are you sure it's not a diabolical scheme to bring about the destruction of the world?"

FSTH: "More like jalepeno does it taste."

FFTH: "I think it's a sign that the universes are overlapping as a result of some temporal disturbance wrought by our wicked nemisi. Don't you remember that historic IDA fight between Janitor Bob and Dart Wader (http://pub26.ezboard.com/fhighcitadelfrm62.showMessage?topicID=1.topic)? Taco Sauce flooded THE ARENA! It must be that we have intersected with the Story Arcade universe as the various universes collapse in on each other!"

FSTH: "The thing that ever I most rediculous is heard."

<Little do our heros know, they have uncovered a diabolical scheme to bring about the destruction of the world by causing multiple universes to collapse in upon eachother, orchestrated by the heros' wicked nemisi.>

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

Highemperor

08-22-2002, 12:54 PM

Alright, buster (Yes, you, Tracer, you *censored*), you tried to screw up my plans and my character, but YOU HAVEN'T SUCCEEDED! Why, you ask? B/c I am going to fix it! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

At any rate, Tracer, you did miss out on a few points.

One: the flunkies aren't supposed to say anything except, "Yes, Master."

Two: Highemperor incubated the alien queen, I don't think they're going to attack them.

Three: Only I get to make large character changes to Highemp, such as brain amputation. Buster. http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif

Four: Highemp STILL has a lot of power. Just not as much as he used to. There's a big difference between that and powerless. Quartergod is still more than superhuman. :P

-----

Inside the building, Highemperor chuckled to himself as he watched Baxter and the fake Highemp.

Highemp: *chuckle, chuckle* I barely had enough time to make a powerless clone of myself and send it out with that buffoon before-

Before what?

Highemp: Actually, I don't know. I wasn't in any danger. It's one of those plot hole things, ya know?

Whatever.

Highemp: Riiight. *thinks of something* Hey, where the heck are you, Narrator? You're obviously sucked into this story world, too, but where are you?

I'll never tell.

Highemp: *looks in the direction of the voice* The Massassi Forums Building?

Aw, dangit!

Highemp: http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif Hey, now I know what to do to regain my old powers! I'll travel to the Massassi Forums Building where I'll combine my powers with the power of the Writers' Computers! THEN I will be able to become ultimately powerful! Hahahahahahahahahaha- *hack* *wheeze* -ha. Um, yeah.

-----

There. I fixed Tracer's damage, and y'all better not screw it up again, bub(s)! Bye for now! http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

------------------
Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)!

Semievil333

08-22-2002, 09:00 PM

Highemp, you forget this is NES! The point is to be skrewed up!

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

JediKirby

08-23-2002, 10:38 AM

Back at the thingy, a film light falls from somewhere behind the camara's view. A large pink blob in a black t-shirt that reads 'Security'on the back walks from the left of the screen eating a chocolate covered doughnut and listening to music on headphones. He munches down his doughnut singing:

'Jedi Kirby's gatt find some one te be his lover yeah baby. Jedi Kirby's lookin for a guy, don't wan't him too shy but he's gatta have the qualities that Jedi Kirby finds in a man, strong smart open and gatta be all for Jedi Kirby...'

He then looks at the screen, widening his eyes he chuckles...

'Hi mom... Jedi Kirby's on tv!!!! Um... Are you recor...YOU ARE! OHHH Sheeeet!'

He runs off stage tripping on the fallen light as you hear a loud

'BUFFFF'

'Jedi Kirby's OK!!!!!'

(Just thought Jedi Kirby'd do that for.....um.....reasons.....)

Gebohq

08-23-2002, 01:01 PM

(NSP: Welcome, jEDIkIRBY (can I call you jk for short? http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif). Feel free to e-mail me with any questions you may have--I'm interested myself to know how much you've read and such.

As for Highemp's post--when I re-write this stuff in the game, I'll most likely just have Highemp from the present get transported to the Celebrity Jeopardy game before he gets eaten by the alligator. As for Tracer's plot to throw in a quiz-game part, if you're gonan use Celebrity Jeopardy, someone should be Sean Connery http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif

With that said, I'll be a bit busy moving into college and such within the next week, so I'll make a story psot when I can. http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

Oh yeah, and Sem, you're a mook for throwing Story Arcade into NeS =P)

Tracer

08-23-2002, 02:03 PM

(NSP: Huh? What Alligator? What's happening?)

Gebohq

08-24-2002, 12:36 PM

(NSP: Sorry, that should have been past-tense I suppose. Stupid tenses...they can go to hell and die...er..right--anyways...

What I meant to say is that I would just edit this story come time to plug this plot into the point-and-click game so that Highemperor would get transported back into the Celebrity Jeopardy game first, like near the time when everyone else had used the "thingy" to transport to the different times, when HIghemperor was still brain-dead the FIRST time, before returning and then have eaten by the alligator (reference to HIghemp's first post on this page I believe), etc. etc. etc....

Point being--don't worry about it. I'll fix it when this substory is over. Besides, you can't have 4 contestents on Jeopardy (you had Highemp, TLTE, Maybechild and Otter)...anywhos, it'll be a while before I can make a story-post...silly college moving and all. I'm sure you can relate in some form or another. Feel free to post yourselves though, I'll return as quickly as possible http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif)

JediKirby

08-25-2002, 07:24 PM

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Gebohq:
(NSP: Welcome, jEDIkIRBY (can I call you jk for short? http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif). Feel free to e-mail me with any questions you may have--I'm interested myself to know how much you've read and such.</font>

(NSP: *Jedi Kirby looks around then reaches into his pants pulling out a doughnut as he starts to much and talk at the same time*

Somwongs intewgested in Jedi Kiwby!?!? *GAWMGAWMGAH* Dawts quool! *Finishes doughnut then chugz a glass of vit d milk* Jedi Kirby's read about 40 to 30% of the entire forum. Jedi Kirby is a little confused... *Scratches hea.... TOP OF PINK TORSO* but would like to do pictures of all of the characters! He doesn't know about actually joining the cast! (If thats what mister geboqh ment by 'Welcome'???) but he'd love to do pictures! He just needs a place to post his own picture at http://forums.massassi.net/html/frown.gif( Whelp Jedi Kirby can't email because no e-mail on mister geby's profile!!!!!!! *Walks Away Munching Doaghnut*))

IS_ford1342

08-25-2002, 08:05 PM

(NPS: yes Kirby, welcome, but beware...

anywhos, for some story time.)

<<in the 7-11 near the arena>>

Gettle: hey i just got the sudden urge to go out adventuring.

TMTBG: BING!

Gettle: really? a great evil, searching to destroy me?

TMTGB: BING!

Gettle: Fuq.

<<zip pan to Semievil>>

FSTH: my word steal did he.

<<back to gettle>>

Gettle: *wiping off dirt from the window of the 7-11* hey did you know that the arena was across the street from us?

TMTGB: BING!

Gettle: its a wonder that no one has come for a slurpee. *Slurps a slurpee* ahh thats good stuff.

<<back at the Hall of heroes and the Massassi Forums Building, people are doing stuff. what stuff? i dont know. what do i look like? an omnipotent super-computer that knows everything? oh right... well...BYE.>>

Pengun

08-25-2002, 11:04 PM

Alright guys, turn down the suck, and turn up the rock.

------------------
"Rabbits will jump farther if you throw them..."

Phantom_Master

08-26-2002, 03:10 PM

Does the N.E.S. have a website? And I would like to thank the other writers for keeping Phantom Master in the story. Thanks guys.

------------------
I am the Shadow...

[This message has been edited by Phantom_Master (edited August 26, 2002).]

Semievil333

08-26-2002, 04:06 PM

Does N.E.S. have a website?

/chuckle

Silly PM, you're on the NES website!

That whole Massassi temple thing is just a front so that the $p00|<@|-| 7@<0 doesn't find us!

=D

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

IS_ford1342

08-26-2002, 06:20 PM

(NSP: shhhhhhh sem, youll give us away.

so PM will you be joining us again in our endless quest?

and Pengun, are you back? because the last time i knew you were leaving the massassi community and wouldnt be able to contribute your brilliant talent to any of the interactive stories. but if you are back, maybe you can help me and highemp to revitalize BftN, and/or FaD... ill leavi it up to you. ill make no demands.

and now for a brief story post.)

<<On page , A.K.A. the Dark Age of TotallyEvil, Future Ford the Hero, and Future SemiEvil the Yoda Hero are faced with a perilous decision.>>

FFTH: so do you want Doritos or Sun Chips?

<<they had wandered over to the popcorn vender, where even now uncle tusk was making his way over to them.>>

FSTYH: told have you already i. Gas does Doritos me give. Sun Chips have must i.
Comes Uncle Tusk here.

FFTH: Wanker.

<<Why did FSTYH call Uncle Tusk a wanker? why are there popcorn vendors at the arena in the first place. and who, really is Uncle Tusk? because... he's very mysterious, and just kind of randomly appears from time to time. well find out the answers to these questions and more in probably not the next post of The Neverending Story!>>

[This message has been edited by IS_ford1342 (edited August 26, 2002).]

Gebohq

09-01-2002, 07:31 PM

(NSP: Let's see if I can't pick this thread back up and running...)

Within the time-thread observation chamber...

lackey #1: Master, our plans are already working! The NeS thread is fading into obscurity as we speak!

dark figure: (on screen) Don't be stupid, lackey #1. The writers are just being lazy and stupid, as usual, mostly thanks to the one known as Gebohq the writer.

lackey #1: Oh. Well, what is this next step in your plan, Master?

dark figure: Well, as you know, due to the nature of this horrid thread, any writer can join in and post virtually anything they want, thus keeping the thread continuing. And as you know, if one theoretically had an infinite number of NeS writers, making an infinite number of posts, the result may very well produce something worth reading, thus ensnaring the readers on to read under the writers' influence. And, of course, this would be bad for us.

lackey #1: Of course...*looks confused*

dark figure: Our next step in our plan will make certain that no new writers continue this thread. Activate the white plot-holes.

lakey #1: Yes, Master.

(NSP: Leave Ante to describe what the white plot holes do.)

Meanwhile, within the Hall of Heroes...

Fluffy: Hold on while I whip this out!

*Before Fluffy can do so though, and most certainly scare the audience for life, Gettle the writer enters, somewhat frantic.*

Gettle the writer: E-gad! I just realized that there is too many of me running around. That, and I'm sure there's some other...more...important-thingy at..hand...hell, I just need something to do. Who wants to help me find the other Gettles?

*Fluffy, the only one there and in somewhat of an awkward position, looks at him with confusion, to say the least.*

Elsewhere, in the time of the Quest for the Holy Hand remote, CookedHaggis and Krig are chasing The Very Last True Evil through the city surrounding the carnival. In a surprise move, TVLTE strafes into a Matress Discounters store (owned by Bill Gates, of course), where our two heroes quickly follow.

Cooked: After him! *dramatic pose after jumping through the still open door*.... nope, not dramatic enough....

Cooked stops, goes back out the door, closes it, and re-starts his scene.

Cooked: After him! *Dramatic pose as Cooked leaps into the door, shattering the glass and folding over at the stomach as the steel door bar/handle catches him squarely in the gut. Krig ducks slightly underneath the bar and walks in.*

Krig: Krig think Cooked just got burned.

Cooked: Cooked think Krig should not make puns when partner is in pain.

Moments later

Krig: Krig think we surrounded.

Cooked: There's no one here!

Krig: We surrounded by giant, possesed, fleash eating zombie pillows!

Cooked: I think you need some sleep. And I for one don't want to chase down TVLTE anymore.

Krig: Krig sleep then.

More Moments Later

Krig awakens to the terrible sensation of being fully ergonomically suppourted from all sides by squishy foam springs.

Krig: Ahhhh. I mean.... Ahhhh! Krig has been swallowed alive!

Cooked: Nonsense. You're just having a bad dream.

Krig: Krig think Cooked needs to wake up and smell the padding.

Cooked: Just go back to sleep.

Krig: Krig not have good feeling about this.

Unbeknownst to Krig, they are actually under attack by moderately sized possesed, fleash eating zombie matresses!!

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited September 01, 2002).]

JediKirby

09-03-2002, 10:08 AM

A giant zombie matress dives onto Krig, moaning in resident evil style 'GAAAAH, Destroy the...the...uh, i can't remember, GAAAAAAAH'

Krig dives out of the way, and the matress falls to the ground, exploding in a giant ball of springs and feathers and other things that a matress is made of. A small microchip looking bug crawlls out of the giant heap, moving toward a door with green light shining from it.

Cooked screams to Krig
"Just keep jumping out of the way, eventually they'll all die!!!"

Krig yells back
"Krig still tired!!!!!!"

As he says this, a matrass dives at him, and the enourmis (SP?) lips curl around Krig, and a strage moaning comes from the zombie matress, as his eyes go down in a sick and pitiful look. Cooked somehow using all of his intelegent powerful magical abilities (That he recently attained from being in a building owned by bill gates) He blows all but one of the matress' to bits, he then tries pulling krigs legs from the other matress.

Krig: MAAhh, mugh ah guhghaaa!
(Muffled)

Cooked rips krig from the mess, then tackles the giant matress to the floor, biting and whining in a childish manner, the matress falls in a heap, and the little microchip bug moves towards the door, many others join it...

Krig: KRIG STILL SLEEPY!

Cooked ignores his babbling and moves towards the fibrating green door, swinging it open he sees....!

Bill gates holds out his hand to one of the little green bugs, placing it in a criket container, he whispers to them:

Bill Gates: Hello my little precious, you've done well, yes, daddy will find you a new body, and maybe he will-

Cooked: You! You *******! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!

Bill looks up from his little pets, a new apple computer's screen glows behind him

Bill: You'll never stop me! YOU JUST WANT TO TAKE THEM FROM ME!!!!!!

Bill runs at Cooked swinging, eventually after the fat lard gets to him, the swings bounce off-

Bill: What!? You must have the green lanterns arch rivals abilities to resist my instopable power issue #28 i remind you! WAAAAAAA! YOU SUCK!

Cooked looks over to krig, and krig just shrugs shaking his head

Krig: What those funny crying man?

Krig points to the strange bugs.

Bill stands and moves to the container...

Bill: They're my pets, they are my kin... They will one day rule the universe! They are going to infect all of those PC users, and convirt them to Apple!!!! THRU THE INTERNET!!! (Echo)

Cooked: Bill, you can't creat living life, no matter how humanlike, it's still living life! What did you use to creat them? Explorer?

Bill looks at him cowardly

Bill: Lynix...

Krigs eyes widen

Cooked: YOU COULDN'T EVEN GIVE THEM A PROPER LIFE, YOU HAD TO GIVE THEM A CHEAP SERVER! YOU'VE GOT ENOUGH MEMORY! I'm ashamed, Krig, lets go...

Krig: Poor creatures

Krig Turns to Cooked with a bug on his finger

Krig: Can krig keep him?

Cooked: Only if you promis to take care of it and feed it, and clean up it's messes!?

Krig Nods

Cooked: OOOOOOh, ok, i guess, but we have to go now krig

They ride off into...wherever they're going

The director yells cut and commotion happens as people push around and fix things

Jedi Kirby pulls the fake Bill Gates mask off

Jedi Kirby: You'd think they could've at least got gates to do the roll himself! Jedi Kirby's going to his trailor!

Jedi Kirby stops out angerly...

IS_ford1342

09-03-2002, 10:56 AM

(nsp: how interesting that the creator of windows decided to convert all PC users to Mac...

Anywhos(damnit geb! youve got me using your words. get out of my head! GAHHHHHH) on with the plot(whatever that is))

<<its seems that no one else(other than the infinately intellegent(only on tuesdays when hes had his coke) SemiEvil) has caught on that the narrator is being...educated, at the moment...Perhaps i should bring him back....Nah.

Meanwhile Gettle The Writer heads upstairs to find out who else is there to help him with his quest for....himself.>>

GtW: *looking with distaste at the piles of garbage on the landing and in the hallways.* Ugh. this is disgusting. it smells so bad in here. it was so much cooler when it was just my imagination and some text.

Fluffy: Yeah, i bet. this is just the stuff we got out of gebs room.

GtW: *barfs over the railing*

F: J-Bob's gonna kill you man...

J-Bob:*from further up the stairs* i heard that; you had better clean that up!

(NSP: im stuck i dont know where to go, i just posted because i felt it needed to be done. damn this WB!!!!)

Gebohq

09-05-2002, 11:55 PM

(NSP: Stupid writers block...how many of you guys are actually out there? Just curious as to whether you all had the same problem or if you got other things keeping you from posting/don't want to post anymore.

And while I'm here...)

BE. YEW. EM. PEE. EXCLAMATION POINT.

Say it out loud...

shade

09-06-2002, 07:51 AM

yes, yes, yes, bump. benevolent upwards mobility post. blah blah blah.
hmm. I'll add something to the so-called "storyline" of this thread just as soon as I find out what it is...
added on:there. now that I have read back a few posts...time to screw up the storyline! eh-heh, as if.
------------------------
Meanwhile, In a dark cave somewhere in the vicinity of the planet pluto.
"why is my cave in orbit? FLUNKY! did you forget to pay the rent?"
Flunky:"yes maester! I'm sorry maester!"
Dark scary looking fellow:"yes well, that's quite alright, just go change the address on the cave mouth."
the Flunky with bad posture and multiple speech impediments limps to the mouth of the cave with a can of spray paint...and is promptly sucked out into space where he explodes soundlessly.
"ah, I love doing that!"
however, unbeknownst to the occupant of the cave, a time-space wormhole just happened to open up at the precise moment the flunky exited the cave, thus his neon-white spray paint can was rescued from a gruesome fate and instead landed in the middle of a bad storyline, where the warped energies of mis-written plots energized and changed the can into....Galrek the Neutral! a mighty being of no specific power, no specific alignment, and no decision making capabilities.
"hmm, I don't know."
this one simple statement, spoken by the mighty Galrek, echoes across the landscape, smashing building into indecisivness (to fall, or not to fall? hmmmmmm) and turning the bright colors into attention missing drabs. thus causing chaos as the small town of New York City lost all of it's bright colors and prompt decisions and just continued to grow until it was a massive grey tangle of uhappy people and buildings that didn't know what they wanted.
meanwhile, Galrek was busy deciding whether he should take a nap, or go find someone to talk to. this decision would occupy his everythought until...
"jedikirby will be in his trailer!"
Galrek:"I think I shall talk to that person."

[This message has been edited by shade (edited September 06, 2002).]

Tracer

09-06-2002, 02:48 PM

NSP: Can't post, schooling.

KyleKatarn7

09-06-2002, 04:21 PM

NSP: Writer's block and schooling.

------------------
"What sane person could live in this world, and *not* be crazy?"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

KyleKatarn7

09-08-2002, 10:04 PM

(OOC: Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, just been really busy with school)

* Scene opens on the spot of light surrounded by a dark room. In the middle of the spot is a lone figure, unconscious, surrounded by dust and bunny paw prints. The figure slowly twitches once, twice, and lets out a groan. Kyle slowly comes to, remembers his name, and tries to recall just what happened. Looking around, his memory returns in spurts and splashes of bunnies, by the thousands, trampling him into the ground...the bunnies, the bunnies! Looking into one hand, Kyle finds an empty bottle of whiskey. Looking into the other, a leather hat and whip.*

<<Hey, come on, I could've said at least half of that. Oh sure, just forget I'm even here why don't you? You don't think us computers have feelings too?!>>

KKtW: "Allright, Allright, I let you have that monologue, and you can continue from here, allright?"

<< Ohhh, allright. Just don't forget me again. Harumph! Anyways, having woken up fully, Kyle examines his surroundings to find he is in a 3 meter by 3 meter by 3 meter room, with only one light, and one door. With but one choice presented before him, Kyle leaves through the door he entered...>>

KKtH: "Dude....This is getting totally creepy....wait a second, what am I saying....getting?! This IS creepy.."

<<Emerging from the doorway, Kyle finds the horrifying hallway of heck has been renovated extensively during his impromptu sleep. There is a deep red carpet framed by wood paneling on the floor, stretching for miles it seems. Along both walls are equally endless murals of the ageless conflict between clowns and mimes. The ceiling is tastefully decorated with chandeliers every 5 meters or so, just enough to provide a soft lighting without hurting the eyes.>>

KKtH: "*to himself* And that other hallway was so very pleasant...Nice for things to go right once in a while. Well, better get walking.."

<<3 hours later....>>

KKtH: "*crawling with a 5 o' clock shadow and dictating a 17th entry to his tape recorder* Day 27, no food or water found yet. I've been living off of the meager survival rations provided by HoH headquarters. Sadly, they taste a lot like Windex would in bar form..."

<< Meanwhile (NES count: several hundred at least), back at the Hall of Heroes... >>

J-Bob: "Hey! Who took my stash of the experimental Windex?! It took me forever to find the new bar form..."

<< Meanwhile (NES count: Several hundred and one), back at Kyle's Quest... >>

<<Footsteps are heard coming from behind a conveniently placed door right next to Kyle. Searching madly for a spot to hide, Kyle can find nothing. For thousands of feet, all there is is hall, hall, and more hall. The footsteps come closer, and muffled talking is heard through the doorway. Becoming frantic, Kyle runs down the hall, searching for someplace to hide.>>

Kyle: "Grahhhh, can't these silly writers just leave me alone?! I was having a wonderful sleep until the author decided "Oh well, I have too much time on my hands and have no other creative outlet, so why don't I just mess with the life of a fictional character?!" But nooooo, he just couldn't leave well enough alone, could he? Wait a tick, what's this?"

* Camera stops following Kyle in his desperate bid for a hiding place, and focuses on the wall he has noticed. At this point in the mural, the great war known as The Silence of the Laughter is being depicted. Brother fighting brother, clown fighting mime. A mime is shown dropping invisible anvils onto a clown on a miniature bicycle. A Clown car can be seen running over several mimes while spewing clown after clown like an armored personnel carrier. Several clowns are seen on armored bicycles wielding cream pies. The mimes are cutting invisible ropes holding invisible safes. The reason Kyle stopped was not the mural, however, but the lack of it at that point. Square in the middle of the epic battle is a man-shaped portion of the mural missing. Thinking quickly, and down to his wit's end, Kyle dons the rubber nose obtained earlier in his adventure, and assumes the pose of the man-shaped hole in the mural. *

<< I thought you said you wouldn't do that again! I'm warning you, one more screw up like that, and I'm out of here!>>

KKtW: "Allright, Allright, I'm sorry. Here, have a cookie."

<< *sniff*...nobody's ever given me a cookie before....I could just....puke from how low you think my price of forgiveness is. HA! You thought I'd give in that easily? I'm insulted! >>

KKtW: "Jeez, can we just get on with the story?"

<< Ahhhh, allright, but you owe me one! So where were we? Ahhh, right, Kyle put on the rubber nose and just happens to fit in perfectly with the mural, even though there's absolutely nothing else in the hall and he sticks out like a sore thumb?>>

* The door opens down the hallway, and out step two old, pompish executives who begin walking towards Kyle. *

Executive #1: "So, Alan, corrupt any government officials today?"

Executive #2: "Nope, not a one. Their prices are getting way too high. What ever happened to the glory days when it only cost 50 bucks per vote?"

Executive #1: "Yeah, really. All these government officials know it's a seller's market, so they're raising their prices. So how's your division of FurbyCo doing?"

Kyle: "*thinking* FurbyCo eh? Now where have I heard that before...?"

Executive #2: "Ahhh, you mean the Plot Hole Research and Development division? Ahhh, pretty good....what's this? *stops in front of Kyle* Never seen this clown before..."

Executive #1: "Why yes...this is an odd one. Never seen one of these clowns breathe before."

Kyle: "It's because we're actually a dramatic reenactment. There were pauses like this for decades at a time."

Executive #1: "But I've been passing by here for at least a couple centuries...why haven't you moved before?"

Kyle: "Uhhh...errr....because we...uhhhh...need a break from fighting once in a while?"

Executive #1: "Ahhh, ok. So anyways Alan, how're those plans doing? You know, those top secret plans for the Plot Hole Research and Development Division?"

Executive #2: "Oh, we're desperately hoping they don't fall into the wrong hands. Who knows what could happen if one of those accursed Heroes ever got their hand on one. Lucky for us they're all long gone, right Bill? Yeah, really lucky, or else they might have discovered the plans were on the top floor, behind a security door with the clearance code Alpha Pi Omega 3739, over a bottomless pit that requires a whip to get over, and inside a hidden safe behind the painting of my Dear Old Papa. We're especially lucky they will never know the combination to that hidden safe is 1-2-3-4-5...*voice trails off into the distance as the two executives continue walking down the hall*"

Kyle: "*thinking* Phew...Well, if that wasn't convenient, I don't know what is. Now...how to get to the top floor..."

<< Opening the door the two executives step out of, Kyle finds an elaborately decorated elevator with classical music playing. Punching the button for the top floor, and sitting back for a well deserved rest, the elevator starts up. >>

<< Will Kyle ever get to the bottom of this? Will I ever get out of this God forsaken job--

KKtW: "Hey, wait a second..."

--Tune in next week for the Never-Ending Story: The Plot Hole Thickens...>>

(ooc: Sorry that I couldn't get to anybody else's story, but I really don't have the time right now)

------------------
"What sane person could live in this world, and *not* be crazy?"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited September 08, 2002).]

JediKirby

09-09-2002, 05:18 PM

(sure had enough time for that!)

And from the big picture named with a big word, pops out a clown, the clown rips off the nose, and whipes at his face, eventually, you find that the head is really a puddied up part of Jedi Kirby's round body. Jedi Kirby unbutons the coat, and breaths heavily

JK: Jedi Kirby needs a beer...

Later That Night:

Jedi Kirby sits at the local hooters bar, drinking a kitty cocktail and looking at one of the other convienient female pink blobs serving. Jedi Kirby swings over to her

JK: Hey hun, didn't think I'd find such a sexy looking pink blob in these parts, whats your name?

Cindy: Cindy...?

JK: Did you know that Jedi Kirby works for a filming company? The NeS, yup, we're moving to primetime, NBC is hosting us, it's going to be great...

WILL JEDI KIRBY ACTUALLY GET A DATE,
WHAT NEW AND FOOLISH CASTUME WILL JEDIKIRBY BE IN NEXT TIME?

Bush: Well actually, considering the dimunitive *Dramatic bush pause* and the global outlook on todays youths, and concidering the fact um *Dramatic Bush Pause (You'd think he's about to say something importent after that long, wouldn't you?) that the local populace of the massassi.net co consists of, but not limmited to *Dramatic bush pause* todays youth, wich in local studies, is from the ages of 14-16, meaning, that the actual likely hood of Jedi *Dramatic Bush Pause* uh Kirby getting a date, is about 1 in 76, based on a local service pole, and the likely hood of Jedi Kirby becomming a *dramatic, yeah, you know* ah some sort of bird, or duck, is 10 out of 13, so the likely hood is about equal to my being elected and put into office in the next precidentual election because of my ability to cope with the september eleve *DBP* nth aftermath. The slogan ideas consist of things ranging from: "I can say an entire 30 sentance paragraph without saying anything at all" to "Blow Um Up and Build An Oil Pipe." Thank You...

Disturbing...?

Just toon in next time to see if bush will actually say something worth listening to

Bush: Actually *Trails on with many DBP's trailing along*

JediKirby

09-09-2002, 05:18 PM

Krig the Viking

09-09-2002, 10:30 PM

(My lack of postage of late has been caused by - um - stuff. Y'know, like, stuff, that you do... Aw, heck, I don't really remember why I haven't posted lately. I have a lot of projects on the go right now, and I should be doing about three of them right now, but what the hey, here goes...)

<<Scene: The set of Jeopardy!
Time: The Past, during the Quest for the Holy Hand Remote.
Current Smells: Aw heck, I need a drink. I'm outta here.>>

*Newbie. I'll take over. It's Final Jeopardy now, and only Otter, Maybechild, and TLTE are left. The trademark theme is playing in the background, and the lights are dimmed. On the big wall of TVs, the Final Jeopardy answer is "Number of Times 'Meanwhile' Has Been Used In NeS.' ". TLTE, dressed as Gorbachev, frowns at his screen in front of him, then slowly rises to his tiptoes and surreptitiously glances over the partition at Maybechild's response. Maybechild, dressed as Cher, is scribbling madly, trying to change her response before the time runs out. Otter, meanwhile, is humming along with the theme song, dressed as Dr. Seuss.*

Otter: "Dooo deee dooo doodee dooo deee dooo..."

Alex Trebek: "All right, your time is up! Let's see what you wrote."

Otter: "What? No, wait, I was busy humming!"

Alex Trebek: "I'm sorry, but your time is up."

Otter: "Noooooooo!"

Alex Trebek: "Ms Cher, you wrote '320,000', and that is incorrect."

Maybechild: "What?! I did my research on this! I counted each and every time the word 'meanwhile' was used! How can it not be right?"

Alex Trebek: "I'm afraid I'm not going to tell you. You wagered everything you had, so that leaves you at zero."

Maybechild: "This is injustice! I will protest this all the way to the Supreme Court!"

Alex Trebek: "Right. I'm shaking in my boots. Now, Mr. Gorbachev, you wrote 'three, two, something, something', and I'm afraid that that will not suffice."

TLTE: "Glastnost! Curse you for hiding your answer, Maybechild!"

Alex Trebek: "Let's see what your wager was... 15 million dollars! Mr. Gorbachev, you only had a hundred dollars going into Final Jeopardy!"

TLTE: "So?"

Alex Trebek: "So you can't wager more than you've earned, Mr. Gorbachev. It's the rules."

TLTE: "Rules?! I'll give you rules, tovarish!"

*TLTE leaps over his podium and drop kicks Mr. Trebek. Trebek spins around, grabs TLTE's leg, does a series of complicated manouvers, and winds up with TLTE unconcious on the floor near one of the cameras.*

Trebek: "I'm afraid I forgot to warn you, Mr. Gorbachev, I am a trained and licensed ninja. You should be more careful next time. Now, let's see what Dr. Seuss wrote..."

Otter: "I don't wanna be Dr. Seuss. Can I be Sean Connory? I can do a really goo Connory impression!"

Trebek: "Uh, no, I'm afraid we can't allow that, Dr. Seuss."

Otter: "No, wait, listen to this! 'Bond. Jamesh Bond.' "

Trebek: "I'm sorry Dr. Seuss, but you must remain yourself for the remainder of the game. Besides, that's the worst Sean Connory impression I have ever heard."

Otter: "Wait, I can do better! *ahem*.... 'Vodka mahtini, shaken not shtirred...' "

Trebek: "I'm sorry Dr. Seuss, but my mute butler can do a better Connory impression than you. If you continue assaulting my ears with this rubbish, I'm afraid I will be forced get ninjitsu on your arse."

Otter: "Wait, one last time! *ahem*... 'She shells shea shells by the shea sho--"

*Just then, Trebek lets out an unwordly ninja-death-scream, and flies foot-first at theOtter's head with surprising speed and agility. An assorted series of slams, bashes, and painful-sounding crunches comes from behind the contestant podium thingy, then Trebek walks back to his mic, straightens his tie, and smooths his mustache.*

Trebek: "Now, since two of our contestants are unconcious and thus disqualified, that leaves you, Cher, as the winner by default, despite the fact that you currently have zero dollars. You will be getting your cheque for zero dollars in the mail someday soon. Until next time, I'm Alex Trebek, and This Is Jeopar--"

*Just then, TLTE regains conciousness, pulls out a switchblade, and runs at Trebek yelling a Russian war cry. Trebek waits calmly for him, arms clasped behind his back, until TLTE gets within striking range...*

Trebek: "NINJA DEATH TOUCH! HYA!"

*Alex Trebek points one finger and hits TLTE in the chest with it. TLTE collapses to the ground, motionless. Maybechild rushes up and checks his pulse.*

Maybechild: "Oh no! Alex Trebek just killed The Last True Evil! Do you realise what you've done? You've just destroyed the future, and possibly reality as we know it! Without TLTE around, there will be no TVLTE to be descended from him years later! Without TVLTE, we would not have ended up on Celebrity Jeopardy! You've created a time-paradox of massive proportions! You've doomed us all!"

Trebek: "If I've just created a massive time-paradox as you say, how is it that we are still here? Shouldn't we have winked out of existence at the moment I killed this ruffian? I swear, sometimes I think you celebrities know nothing at all about basic quantum spatial-temporal physics."

Maybechild: "You're right! TLTE is dead here, but he must be alive in the future! Do you know what this means?!"

Trebek: "Yes. You are insane. Absolutely batty. Which disqualifies you from winning, I'm afraid."

Maybechild: "What?! That's not fair!"

Trebek: "Hey, I don't make the rules, I just enforce them. With extreme prejudice. You didn't think they hired me for my charming good looks or quick wit, did you?"

Mother of Pearl! Our heroes have just uncovered the biggest plothole of all time! TLTE is both dead -- and alive! How will this plothole be reconciled? Have they uncovered the mysterious source of the Plothole Disturbance that they've been sent to find? Or is this merely another part of some evil genius's master plan? Will--

<<Awright, I'm ba... Ba... Back! Hah! And I've had a few shorts of yum! I mean rots of shum! I mean -- oh, I'm quite drunk. Lesh jus' put it tha' way, shall we? Huh? Shall we? I'm gonna sleep now...

Er... Ok. I wasn't aware that computers could get drunk, but apparently they can. Tune in next time for nail-biting action, poorly-thought-out plot, and drunken ranting computers -- only on the Never-ending Storyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy......!

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited September 09, 2002).]

shade

09-10-2002, 09:11 PM

eh, hey krig, would you mind terribly if I used this as a chance to bring Galrek the Neutral into the storyline? my previous attempt seems to have failed a bit. I promise not to do a thing if you happen to already have it planned out...wait...what I am saying?!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

Krig the Viking

09-11-2002, 02:56 PM

(OOC: Plan? Hah! Me, plan? For NeS, I don't even know what my next *line* is gonna be, much less my next *post*. http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif

Just read at least the last couple pages so's ya don't create any more bloody plotholes, is all I ask.)

shade

09-11-2002, 07:11 PM

ehm, I'll won't create a plot hole, but I'll use one.
----------
Galrek, on his way to to talk to jedikirby, accidentally falls into a plot hole that just recently connected the distant past to the recent future. finding himself on the set of jeopardy, Galrek simply forges forward, intending to talk to someone. instead he finds a drunken computer narrator taking a nap.
"hello. I'm Galrek. if you want to talk to me, I would like to talk to you. although I'm not sure whether to call you you or if talking is even what you do..."
this line of neutral chattering continues on, forcing the computer narrator into a deep coma, Alex Trebek, passing by on the route is rendered dull and uninteresting by the miasmic neutrality, and soon afterwards is brutally slaughtered by the same plothole that the heroes had been sent to find. the same one responsible for this terrible being Galrek the Neutral being cast into existence. Galrek, being linked to the plothole, follows after it, being unable to decide how to feel about Alex Trebek's murder. Galrek soon finds himself standing in front of a barbarous looking fellow with a typewriter and a small odd looking bug.
"hello, I a-"
"you are talking to krig. why are you talking to krig?"

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

Gebohq

09-16-2002, 10:02 AM

B.U.M.P.!

Joetech1000

09-17-2002, 03:27 PM

Well I'm talking to Krig because Krig wears a cool shirt.

Gebohq

09-18-2002, 06:21 AM

(NSP: I found these lyrics while in search for the actual opening title song to "The NeverEnding Story", a book/movie of a very similar name and which we've made fun of in this thread. Yes, I like the movie and this song way too much, and no, I don't have anything better, like a story post, right now.)

The NeverEnding Story

Turn around,
Look at what you see.
In her face,
The mirror of your dreams.

Make believe I'm everywhere,
I'm hidden in the lines.
And written on the pages,
Is the answer to A Neverending Story...

Reach the stars,
Fly a fantasy.
Dream a dream,
And what you see will be.
Rhymes that keep their secrets,
Will unfold behind the clouds.

And there upon the rainbow,
Is the answer to a Neverending Story.
Story...

Show no fear,
For she may fade away.
In your hands,
The birth of a new day.

Rhymes that keep their secrets,
Will unfold behind the clouds.
And there upon the rainbow,
Is the answer to a Neverending Story.

Neverending Story...
Neverending Story...
Neverending Story...

Tracer

09-22-2002, 08:40 PM

NSP: Just bumping it up. I'm completely tapped out for ideas right now...what page is the source material for the TVLTE/Haggis/Krig chase on? Maybe I'll come up for something with that.

Tracer

09-22-2002, 08:41 PM

NSP: Just bumping it up. I'm completely tapped out for ideas right now...what page is the source material for the TVLTE/Haggis/Krig chase on? Maybe I'll come up for something with that.

Gebohq

09-22-2002, 09:58 PM

(NSP: Should say on page 29, but in case it doesn't, I think it's page 6, in the middle of it. Where they are right now though is independant of what had originally gone on, so there isn't much to look over, at least I don't think there is.

If only certain people who actually HAVE ideas would post them *coughAntestarrandSemievil333cough*.)

Krig the Viking

09-23-2002, 07:31 PM

*Krig stares curiously at the neutral-looking fellow who is for some reason talking to him. The fellow speaks again.*

Galrek the Neutral: "My name is Galrek the Neutral. Or it might be. It could be. Maybe."

Krig the Viking: "Galrek funny lookin'. Eat typewriter?"

*Galrek looks curiously at the tooth-marked typewriter Krig holds out to him.*

Galrek: "I dunno, I've never eaten a typewriter before. What does it taste like?"

Krig: "Krig's typewriter! You no have!"

Galrek: "Ok. I'm not really sure how I feel about typewriters, anway."

*Krig looks at the little bug sitting on his shoulder.*

Krig: "Bug like typewriter?"

Bug: "Chitter-chitter cheep!"

Krig: "Bug right! Typewriter taste funny!"

*With that, Krig tosses the typewriter over his shoulder. It lands on that cat that stuff always lands on in movies when people throw things away. It squalls, and runs away.*

Cooked Haggis: "Come on, Krig! TVLTE is getting away!"

Krig: "Huh?"

*Cooked sighs, grabs Krig by one horn on his Viking helmet, and drags the short hairy man down the street, after a rapidly running away TVLTE. Galrek stands there undecided.*

Galrek: "Um, well, see you guys later, I guess, maybe..."

Krig: "Tasty shoe!"

*Krig lunges at Galrek's foot, and grabs his shoe, and begins chewing on it. Since Cooked is dragging Krig along the street after TVLTE, Galrek gets dragged along by his foot after them.*

Galrek: "Um... Well... This is unusual. I think. I wonder if I should do something about it..."

*The bizzare trio clatters down the street, after the receeding form of TVLTE. Suddenly, a plothole opens up, and TVLTE dissapears into it. The plothole then dissapears the same way it came, which is suddenly and with a flash of light. Cooked, Krig, and a reluctant Galrek arrive at the spot where TVLTE dissapeared, and stop. Krig bends down and picks something up.*

Krig: "Clue! Krig find clue! Funny man drop Clue!"

Cooked: "A clue! I say, that's what we're looking for! Good job, chap! Let's look have a look at it, then!"

Krig: "No! Krig's Clue! Krig's!"

Cooked: "Oh bloody hell, why did I have to get teamed up with the cranky little Viking man? Krig, please give me the clue."

Krig: "No! Krig likes! Krig keep!"

*Cooked reaches into his pocket and pulls out a silver spoon.*

Cooked: "All right, how about I give you this nice shiny spoon for that clue you're hiding in your hand?"

*Krig frowns suspiciously.*

Krig: "Krig like Clue!"

Cooked: "Is the clue shiny?"

*Krig peers at whatever it is he holds in his hand.*

Krig: "No."

Cooked: "Well this spoon is really shiny!"

Krig: "Shiny..."

Cooked: "What say we make a trade? This spoon for that clue in your hand!"

Krig: "Krig like shiny..."

*Krig slowly holds out the hand holding the clue, and reaches for the spoon with the other one. Swiftly, the trade is made, and Krig puts the spoon in his mouth. Cooked holds up the mysterious clue and inspects it.*

Cooked: "I say, this is quite the clue! In fact, it's a piece from a Clue board game! Colonel Mustard, to be exact!"

Krig: "Mmmm, Krig like mustard."

Mmm, the Viking has a point. Mustard is good. The world needs more mustard. I like mustard on hot dogs, and on hamburgers, and even sometimes on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Some people think that's weird, but it's actually quite good! I encourage you to try it.

<<Heyyyy, ever'body! Letsh all hava party! Woohoo! Parrrrtayyy! Hey, I'm all outta rum -- do you-ou huv any rum?>>

No, I'm afraid I --

<<Aaaah, whadda you know, huh? You don' know nothin'! Nothin'! I'm hungry...

Yes, well, I'm sorry to hear that. Tune in next time, folks, for more crazy antics and possibly more mustard! Mmmm, mustard.

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

Gebohq

09-26-2002, 02:36 PM

(NSP: I just realized that I haven't made an ACTUAL story post myself for way too long. Sure, I could use school as an excuse, but to be honest, I've been "waiting" too much on you guys, namely Sem (who ironically wrote half of my last post and posted before my second-to-last post) and Ante (who has no excuse--post already! http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif), and didn't post myself, thus doing what I wish those two did (mainly cuz they keep telling me all these great ideas they have, and they won't write them!). Anywhos, I hope to post sometime soon (unfortunately, this time, I got school work right now--bleh), and felt this post was needed for all those times I harked on my fellow writers to post. That, and this thread needed a--)

B.U.M.P.!

(I wonder if we should have a B.U.M.P. marathon, or if that'd be cheap...)

Gettleburger

09-27-2002, 09:01 AM

NSP: Oy I'm back, but my 'good' computer is indisposed (has been for the past couple months -.-) and I'm having to type this message on a 28.8k modem using MACINTOSH! What has computer science class come to!? Well, anyways, I'll try to make posts when I can (I tried one earlier but the class period ended before the computer even sent the form off.. . . .). I guess i gotta catch up

-me!

Antestarr

09-29-2002, 12:11 AM

NSP: so, I had this really nifty list of reasons why I haven't posted... then I checked the smilies legend and closed the window and tried to hit backspace before clicking in the text window, thus making my browser maliciously think I wanted to hit the back button... so you're left with me saying "'night all, hopefully I'll post tomorrow".

AmyGreen13

10-06-2002, 10:29 PM

(NSP: Hi guys.ima gonna write a post for you.)

In the Hall of Heroes, the writers hear a strange screaming noise.

Maybe the Writer: hey whats that strange screaming noise?

Geb the Writer: i dunno but it sounds like its comming from up.

Otter: *looks up*

Amy Green: A

a

a

a

a

a

a

a

h*crash-whump*

Otter: woah.

it appears we have a new female member. who is this mysterious woman, and why did she fall through the cieling of the HoH? find out next time on NeS: All Will Be Revealed.

<<no it wont fatt-ash. now why dontcome sit on poppa-screens lap schweethart.>>

damn drunk

The Last True Evil

10-09-2002, 08:46 AM

*TVLTE, striding out of his conveniently-placed plot hole, enters the control room of his Siberian outpost.*

TVLTE: Update.

Computer: TLTE's body was recovered earlier today from the Jeopardy game show, Spymaster.

TVLTE: Did the spies have any difficulty recovering it?

Computer: Given the inherent stupidity of the NeS crew guarding the body, we were able to walk in and drag it out without incident.

TVLTE: Excellent...computer, bring it in.

*A large section of steel floor slides away and the death-touched-body of TLTE rises from the opening, on a marble slab. TVLTE steps over to it.*

TVLTE: My poor Ruski brother-in-arms, you will be av-

*He is suddenly hit by a blast of crimson energy emanating from TLTE's still chest and thrown thirty feet, slamming into the stone wall and creating a Russian-shaped dent. When the dust settles and he finally recovers, TVLTE notices his body is glowing a faint red hue.*

TVLTE: What...what's happening to me?

Computer: Calculating....chanelling run-time to provide answer...

*There is a series of impressive hums and beeps.*

Computer: Answer found: you were hit in the chest and hurt yourself a bit.

TVLTE: Borscht! I need a real answer!

Computer: Oh, the specifics? ...Here. It appears you were hit with a "Paradox Beam".

TVLTE: Eh?

Computer: Well, you see, when Alex Trebek killed you, that is to say TLTE, he inadvertently broke a founding rule in the space/time continuum. Normally, simple logical convention prevents these things from happening, but unfortunately, this is the NeS...TLTE wasn't supposed to die, because without him, you wouldn't have aged into the man you now are and etc. etc. etc...So as a sort of compensation, this "Paradox Beam" has removed you from the plane of mortality. You are immune to age, decay, and if my calculations are correct, all forms of physical harm too.*

TVLTE: Well, how can we be sure your calculations are correct?

Computer: Hmm...I think I have an appropriate test.

*Suddenly, a hole opens in the wall, and TVLTE is hit in the face by a nuclear explosion. Miraculously, it barely fazes him, and he stands upright, dazed but alive.*

Computer: Incredible! You are, for all intents and purposes, invincible!

TVLTE: Really??? Super, this will make conquering the world this time around that much more plausible...

Computer: So what are you going to do?

TVLTE: What do you think? The same thing that any patriotic-minded Russian would do when granted the gift of invulnerability; declare war on the world!!!

*He strides over to the weapons cabinet, selects a few dozen guns, and prepares to take on the world single-handedly...*

Gebohq

10-11-2002, 10:39 AM

(NSP: Welcome aboard, Amy Green! The only request I have, as per any new writer who introduces a new character, is a physical/character description, preferably through a story post. Expectedly enough, I can't post my planned major story-driving post right now, so this is essentially a B.U.M.P. Better than nothing though http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif)

<<In shzee Hall of ..er...if only I couldsha reemembah da name...>>

Geb the writer: So who the hell are you?

Amy Green: I'm feeling fine, thanks... Amy Green.

Maybe the writer: *to GTW* She appears to be a new character.

Geb the writer: Wonder where the writer for her is...

Maybe the writer: I'm wondering more what this character will do in the next few posts.

Geb the writer: I'm more concerned with what WE will be doing.

Amy Green: Uh...

<<And aish a-think we will jusht end it here, ya? Goooood...>>

Gebohq

10-14-2002, 09:07 PM

(NSP: Time to unravel an intimidating story-advancing post and see what is revealed. Close your eyes kids, this could be scary.)

Story-advancing post? That's a good one!

(NSP: Hey--the above had a "NSP" tag on it. You know, non-story post...)

...oh right. Continuing on, and ignoring any previous details that might contradict the following, we return to the Hall of Heroes--

<<--where the writers still brood over their situation-->>

Stay out of this! Wait--why aren't you drunk anymore?

<<...we need to have a talk.>>

Why don't I like the sound of this?

Geb the writer: What the hell is going on here?

*Gebohq the writer bangs his fist on the bottom of the large update status screen.*

Geb the writer: Answer me, ******!

Maybe the writer: Calm down, Geb.

Geb the writer: Calm down? We're stuck in our own story, and we can't do anything about what's going on! And why isn't the computer responding to me! ANSWER ME!

Maybe the writer: You haven't asked it a question...

Geb the writer: Oh yeah. Computer--what the hell is going on?

Maybe the writer: *sigh*

Sem the writer: So does anyone here have any ideas what to do now? Or was sitting around here the plan?

Geb the writer: Pretty much. I suppose we could look around the Hall of Heroes though. What says the rest of you?

*The other writers answer with shrugs and grunts.*

Geb the writer: You guys aren't terribly talkative, are you?

Sem the writer: We are writers, Geb. By nature, we're not very social.

Geb the writer: True.

Gettle the writer: Well, I'm really going to go deal with this business of the other Gettles now...really...so don't miss me too much. Feel free to help me out...

*The writers make their seperate ways within the Hall of Heroes.*

Gettle the writer: ...here...

*Gettle the writer makes his way to the Thingy to transport himself to the Arena and to pretty much just get the Hell out of where he was.*

<<...and those fools better keep the Narrator from escaping this time...>>

<<...er...>>

<<...*cough*...>>

...that is to say, I AM--*cough*--I am the Narrator. As always. And the nice update computer, who is very smart, told me how to narrate better. Yes. Thank you, kind update computer.<<You are wel--I mean-->>

<<You are welcome, Mr. Narrator.>>

Now that I am back, and NOT held captive against my own will by the evil forces behind the plot to end this thread, we turn to two hundred years in the future, where Gebohq, Losien, and Lt. Randy are uncovering more clues.

Losien: Oh-oh! Is this a clue?

Lt. Randy: That's a cat.

Losien: And isn't it cute?

cat: Prrr....

Lt. Randy: Let me see the cat.

cat: Get away!--I mean--hisss!...damn.

Lt. Randy: It talks!

Geb: So did Morris.

Lt. Randy: That was different though. Morris was more like a fat hampster.

cat: Hey! Don't talk about my great-great-great-grandfather like that!

Geb: Sorry about that. I suppose you wouldn't happen to know anything about who might be behind the plot to end NeS, Mr...?

cat: Jones. And a reference would be good.

Geb: Page 36. Use of plot-holes. Our computer showed this time period having one of the strongest disturbances in it.

Jones the cat: Ah. Well, I can't really help you much, but if you follow me, I can get you inside FurbyCo. headquarters without them finding out. Whoever is behind it, it probably involves them.

Lt. Randy: FurbyCo.?

Asa Ohq: Yes, Randy. In our time, Furby v.6 was Purevil's partner in world domination. Together, their coorperate web has ensnared all who would think of opposing them.

Los: How dark.

Asa: Isn't it though?

Randy: What do we do once we're in there though?

Jones the cat: Don't ask me!

Randy: I wasn't.

Jones the cat: Oh...well, good.

Geb: Once we're in there Randy, we'll see what information we can get about the coorperation's plans. Asa, I want you to gather the other heroes of this time and meet me back here in 12 hours. Jones, lead the way please.

Elsewhere, Mark Hamill is freed from prison by an English religious group that has followed the ways of the Force for nearly 200 years.

English Massassians: Lead us, Mark Hamill, for you are our savior!

Mark Hamill: Uh...

Meanwhile, on page 6, during the Dark Age of TotallyEvil...

F. Yodafied Sem: Blow up, the Arena will soon. Bad, this is.

F. Ford: *to Uncle Tusk* Uncultured swine!

Tusk: Fruit!

F. Ford: Couch potato!

Tusk: Other food item!

F. Ford: Ohio!

F. Yodafied Sem: The mystical swirl, we must jump in!

Morris: Pussies and non-heroes first!

*Morris the cat, with his large bulk, piles future Ford, future yodafied Semievil, and UncleTusk into the mystical swirl, sending them nearby the other heroes and villains of that time in Stonehedge.*

F. Ford: Good, they can't see us. You best look for clues now, while I finish my business with this barbarian here.

F. yodafied Sem: Krig, is that in distance?

Several pages later, in the Quest for the Holy Hand Remote, Maybechild and Otter use the Holy Reciever to tune in to HBO, transporting themselves aboard a ship as the heroes of that time are attempting to retrieve the Holy Hand Remote.

Maybe: Otter, this is the Big Giant Ship that we were in when retrieving the Holy Hand Remote from space.

Otter: Right. So how come the other heroes aren't here?

Maybe: They must still be dealing with Dart Wader. Let's look for clues while we have the chance.

Meanwhile, on the plane to Austria...

McLongname: With all the special stuff, why are we flying coach again?

Tracer: We're laying low, Agent McLongname...and funding didn't cover airfare.

McLongname: *sigh*

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

<<All is going well, Master. I have infiltrated the position of the Narrator, and none of the heroes have made any significant progress.>>

dark figure: Excellent. Soon we will send my mime army to silence The Never-ending Story Thread once and for all! Soon, my friend. You shall be rewarded well, and I will make my parents, The Very Last True Evil and TotallyEvil, proud of me, Purevil!

<<Of course, my Master.>>

Purevil: ...why do I see what I've just said on my copy of the NeS thread?

<<Whoops, I forgot to end the post.>>

Pur