The Never-ending Story Thread [Archive] - Page 8

shade

06-12-2003, 07:40 PM

back at the HoH
as Gebohq sits around counting the bottles of beer he hasn't strewn about the room, a loud flapping sound is heard.
Gebohq:"52 bottles of beer on the wall, take one down and pass it around...this would work better if there were someone to catch them when I pass them around...51 bottles of beer on the...whuzzat?"
turning and going to the window, Gebohq is surprised to see hundreds of birds flying through the air,attempting to carry something. as they pass near the HoH, the birds finally seem to give up and start plummeting, embedding themselves in the walls of the HoH,one of them even managing to lodge itself between the real Krig the Viking's left toes.
"Krig got small flappy thing between toes...Krig scared to reach there..."
with a thump, Galrek the Neutral flops down in front of Gebohq, his anti-plothole suit stretched and damaged from being gripped by hundreds of bird claws for the entire trip from the grand canyon.
Galrek:"I don't suppose you would be willing to get me out of this? it isn't exactly the most comfortable thing to fly in..."
as Krig and Gebohq free Galrek from the suit, they explain to each other what has been going on. Gebohq, as usual, knows nothing, while Krig knows that Gebohq has been slinging bottles of beer around the HoH, Galrek however, surprises both of them with the plot of the Eval Kirbies.
Krig:"kirby eat bad people...become bad kirby people...want to kill Gebohq? Krig want food."
showing his intense concern for Gebohq's safety, Krig wanders off to find something to pry the birds off the walls.
Gebohq:"well...hey...wait a sec, where are all the people who have clever things to suggest that involve embarrasing me? I thought they were still here..."
just as Gebohq turns around to find the rest of the heroes, Galvatron pokes his head around the door to the arcade room
"uhm, we're still here, Maybechild and CookedHaggis have been playing against each other for the last hour in Overly Real Tournament. we've all been watching to see who will run out of quarters first."
will Krig fix an edible meal? will Gebohq discover the plot brewing in the park? will Galrek actually stay in the plot for longer than one or two posts this time? who will run out of quarters first? tune in next time on...The Wheel Of Farces!

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In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

Gebohq

06-12-2003, 07:56 PM

(NSP: Teehee, I sure seem to have taken the crown of royalty for being the BUMP king these days. Make sure to check out this thread (http://forums.massassi.net/html/Forum1/HTML/028568.html) if you haven't already; it involves needed help with NeSi. Anywhos, here's throwing a potential monkey wrench in the thread. http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif)

Sometime later, Maybechild knocks on the door to Gebohq's room.

Maybe: Gebohq!

*Gebohq answers the door.*

Geb: Yeah?

Maybe: What are you doing just sitting in your room? Scratch that, I don't want to know.

Geb: Is the world in peril and in need of our heroic actions?

Maybe: Well, not yet. But I think it will be. After that bit with TLTE and Kirby... well, don't you think something's up?

Geb: Up...?

Maybe: Geb! Ugh...

*Maybechild starts dragging Gebohq by the wrist to the main control room area.*

Maybe: We better start formulating a plan on how to defend ourselves from what's certainly going to be a large-scale attack.

Geb: Plan?

Maybe: We'll check up on the Update Status Screen to catch up on current events first, to see what we're up against. Then we'll need to equipt accordingly--

Geb: Why are we worrying about this again?

Maybe: Have you been brain-dead? The whole TLTE-Kirby incident not too long ago? They were after you, Geb. I have a funny feeling it was moreso by Kirby, if by some freak accident of morality-transfer from TLTE's previous darker side, but I don't know for sure. They're bound to come back here looking for you!

Geb: Well yeah, I knew about that. Galerk told me. Anyway, don't be silly. You know that this is the last place they'd look for me! You know, how when you're trying to find something, and you never look where it should be...

Maybe: What? You knew already?--look. The world is going to be in danger if we don't do something now.

Geb: Why not just let them come to us? It'd save a lot of effort. And you could continue your game.

Maybe: Dear Lord! The game can wait! How could you suggest such an idea?

Geb: You know, you used to be a lot less stressed out.

Maybe: Because I wasn't doing all the WORK at one point! You carelssly wander and get all the credit while some of us actually take the responsibility only to get ignored!

Geb: Since when did a hero mean getting attention? Are you OK...?

Maybe: You're not listening! I'm trying to tell you that we need to take action and you just want to sit around! GAAHHH!

*Maybechild notices something on the update screen and pull sup an image of Kirbynaut.*

Maybe: Holy David Bowie! Look at it! Kirby's coming after us like THAT! Please tell me you're not worried now.

Geb: It does remind me of a real nasty chewed-up bubble gum stuck under my desk once...

Maybe: THAT'S IT! For the good of us all, you need to go!

Geb: Huh?

*Pressing buttons and dials at random, Maybechild activates the Thingy and shoves Gebohq through it.*

Geb: YEAAAAAARGH! It hurts like craziness!

Maybe: ...and don't come back!

In a fit of anger and potential insanity, Maybechild has sent the beloved Gebohq through the Thingy, and with not having located a pre-determined point, he could appear in any place and even at any time! Will he be lost forever in some back-water storyline? Will this ignite the KirbyNaut's rage to hunt down Gebohq, or aid in their attempts to cause evalness? What will the other heroes do now to combat against the eval forces? Find out, here on the Never-ending Story Thread!

Jim the writer: So does anyone have a clue what's going on in the story right now?

Haggis the writer: Nope.

Sem the writer: Meh, like we ever know what's really going on in the thread...

Haggis the writer: Point.

JKirby the writer: Wheee! Eval plot! I need nachos...

--EDIT: Altered my post to make more sense with shade's post that went up while I was typing this one.--

(NSP: No, Geb doesn't have to go anywhere significant. Just figured it'd be fun http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited June 12, 2003).]

The Last True Evil

06-13-2003, 02:43 AM

*True to the utter insanity of events to date, Gebohq is about to teleport straight into the thick of the action, on a probability level of I don't have time to mince words or numbers. Suffice it to say, it's big. But first;*

----------------THE KISS---------------

"A friend is always good to have, but a lover's kiss is better than angels raining down on me."
-Dave Matthews

*First a brush of the lips, tentative, awed. Then, the physical link is joined and strengthened, as unbridled passion and emotion as pure as the finest crystal of snow intermingle and become as one. In short, TLTE and Losien kiss, and as kisses go, it's a bit of a cracker. When the fireworks above die down a bit, a silence that is no longer tense but merely anxious is began again.*

TLTE: Losien, if a kiss is the language of love, we have got an awful lot to talk about...

*The mood is suddenly broken by an all-too-familiar figure warping in loudly behind them. A dazed, sparking but none the worse for wear Gebohq staggers forward.*

Gebohq: When I get my hands on Maybe I'll...YEAAAH! TLTE! Unhand Losien!

TLTE: I-

*He is silenced by Gebohq's shoe to the face. Normally, TLTE's counter would be a deft counter to the sternum, but as this would be evil in his reformed mind, he casually flails violently backwards onto the grass.*

Losien: Geb, he-

Gebohq: Shh! He's likely injected a deadly virus through his kiss and loving touch that will disable rational thought! Hold still while I pound it out of him...

*And with that, he delivers a crescent-spinning-backflip kick to the hapless Russian. A tentative battle ensues...*

-------------------MEANWHILE!!!-------------

*A nearby ice cream vendor is watching the brawl with some interest. Suddenly, a pink goo overwhelms him, and his scream is lost in the KirbyNaut's girth.*

IcecreamvendorKirby: Let's go!

Prime Kirby: Indeed...

---------------JUST THEN!!!!!---------------

*Gebohq and TLTE trade blows in rapid chop-sockey fashion, Gebohq's aggressive suppression strategy counterpointing TLTE's desperately defensive schtick. Finally, just as the battle reaches the critical stage, where the blows start to hit home and retreat is no longer an option, a massive pink shadow overwhelms them.*

Gebohq: What the...

TLTE: Oh, borscht.

*With a sweeping stroke of its gargantuan arm, the KirbyNaut strikes TLTE and Gebohq with bone-crunching force, sending them flying through the crisp night air into identical park benches that shatter spectacularly.*

KirbyNaut: TWO POINTS!

*He advances on them, grasping them both in each hand, beginning to Kirbify them both...*

Losien: HIIIIIII-YAA!

*With a supercharged flying kick (no mean feat in such a dress), Losien cleaves a compact-young-woman-sized hole through the pink terror, imbalancing the infrastructure and toppling the KirbyNaut. All three heroes lie motionless from the assault.*

Losien: Oooohhhh...

TLTE: Talk about a Rocky first date!

*laugh track plays*

Gebohq: Is he dead?

*His question is deftly answered by the hundreds of aggravated Kirbys getting up, dusting themselves off, and getting ready to rumble.*

Gebohq: We can handle this.

TLTE: We're professionals.

Losien: But these heels...!

*The moment of choice, however, is gone. The Kirbys move in as our friendly NeS fighters strike poses...*

-----------IN THE 'REAL WORLD'--------------

*TLTETW, GebTW and LosienTW are hunched over their desks, scrabbling at scripts and storyboards.*

TLTETW: We need a top secret name for this multi-billion dollar fight scene so it can go uninhibited until its feature film debut in NeS: Refreshed!

LosienTW: Hmmm...something totally unrelated....'the burly brawl'?

GebohqTW: Nay! Say rather...

All: THE KIRBY BRAWL!!!

Egad! The Matrix influence you all knew was coming has hit you like a wet fish to the face! Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to A) continue with this trend in the spirit of NeS parody or B) be an individual and run with your own idea! Find out the stunningly crafted impact of "The Kirby Brawl" same NeS-time, same NeS-channel!

JediKirby

06-13-2003, 02:59 PM

JediKirby in fanciful diving manuvers pulls off a complete one eighty in mid air, landing in the center of the kirby's, he stands alert, and takes his glasses off. GebohqKirby and the massive KrigTheVikingKirby start plummeling the kirby's. JediKirby spins in slow motion, flailing his little pink body at the masses of kirby's, knocking them to the ground. JediKirby continues his ravage against the multiple kirbys. Just then, BobDoleKirby jumps up, consuming KrigTheVikingKirby, But instead of becoming KrigTheVikingBobDoleKirby, BobDoleKirby spit KrigTheVikingKirby out, but this time he had glasses, black ones, and he was all Eval... thus becoming EvalKrigTheVikingKirby!

TLTE Wholly Borsch!

JediKirby now has his saber out, flipping around all matrixy, he takes out a group of Kirby's. Amist all of the kirby's, stands one single Kirby. EvalKirby. The two kirbys exchange glares amist the rest of the kirbys, and battle begins. JediKirby jumps onto the tops of the kirbys, running across their tops he kicks EvalKirby upside the fluff, knocking him to the ground.

Meanwhile...

Gebohq Why don't I get to be 'The One'? Or at least my kirby counterpart. Instead JediKirby's the one, and my counterpart is getting his *** whopped. This sucks...

Losien Gebohq, can we go home?

TLTE Wha... but... Losien...

Is this it for Gebohq? Is he really going back home? Will we ever have any idea why the conclusive paragraph is in here when this is a NEVER ENDING STORY? Will Shade ever discover the enter key? Will we ever know why Ares chose to take the name from an already existing story? Find out, next time on The Never Ending Story...

Fixed

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Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP (http://www.jedinights.com/e21tc/)

[This message has been edited by jEDIkIRBY (edited June 13, 2003).]

DrkJedi82

06-13-2003, 04:17 PM

The End (http://members.aol.com/DrkJedi82/end.jpg)

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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Tracer

06-14-2003, 05:30 PM

*Millions of Kirbys battling one another for supremacy, an all-consuming mass constantly expanding...*

The scene dissolves into Jim7's secret evil base.

Jim7: "...Kirby continued replicating, until eventually his substance covered the entire globe. Life, as we know it, came to an end."

The Last True Evil: "Holy Borscht."

Jim7: "Wholly Borscht indeed, TLTE. Of course, you realize the moment in time when this particular path became inevitable? The moment when the Earth was completely and irrevocably doomed?"

The Last True Evil: "What are you suggesting?"

Jim7: "I'm suggesting that a relationship with Losien will mean the end of the world! If you become a love-sick puppy and spend your time drooling over some woman, who's going to keep the forces of evil in line? Who will keep the proverbial bad guys from rampaging out of control, I ask of you? Who?!"

The Last True Evil: "You could do it."

Jim7: "I'm drunk! And insane! And I love it!"

*Jim7 takes a swig of rum from his monogrammed flask.*

The Last True Evil: "That would explain your unusually exloquent phrasing..."

Jim7: "So you see, TLTE, you have a choice. You must make the critical decision to either control the Kirby menace, or allow the world to be consumed by a voracious monster and spend your final human hours in the warm embrace of the woman you love!"

The Last True Evil: "This is not an easy decision. I'll need some time to think about it."

Jim7: "Oh, by all means, think it about it. Contort your brain over the issue until the pressure becomes too much to bear! But decide quickly, before it becomes moot. If you need me, I'll be in the war room, monitering the situation."

*Jim7 wipes his mouth on his sleeve, and then drunkenly swaggers into the adjoining room, slamming the door behind him.*

The Last True Evil: "That's a broom closet."

Jim7: (muffled) "I don't care."

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Schism.

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited June 14, 2003).]

JediKirby

06-15-2003, 12:16 PM

(nice... very.. very... nice.)

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Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP (http://www.jedinights.com/e21tc/)

The Last True Evil

06-16-2003, 08:05 AM

*TLTE is lying on a beautiful coastal beach, the gentle undulating tide contrasting the mental anguish of NeS' favourite Russian to date. Losien, wearing a floral bikini and not a whole lot else, slinks to him.

Losien: This Kirby was a friend of yours once?

TLTE: A fellow villain, yes.

Losien: And now he is your enemy and you will kill him. It's that simple.

TLTE: Losien-

Losien: What, you think I'm impressed? All your guns and Matrix-bullet-time and your slow-motion-aerial-killing, all for what? So you can be a hero?

TLTE: I'm...a fledgling hero. I kinda need all the-

Losien: All the heroes I know I've dated already. They were lousy in the sack!

*TLTE grabs her and kisses her. Losien slaps him, then kisses him back.*

Losien: It's a perfect sunset. Come back to the villa with me. We still have a few hours left of paradise before Kirby comes...

*A survival instinct borne of TLTE's nether regions attempts to hijack his brain, but is halted by honour. He deliberates, then slowly starts to speak, gazing out at the vermillion dusk.*

TLTE: I used to believe in the ideals of the motherland only. The principles of honour and love, the cornerstones of the world, were lost to me, "like teardrops in rain". I was as lost to the world as the idealistic people who founded it, founded it on ideals that I couldn't bear to look at for fear of losing my nerve. But something has happened, my love. The world is a colder place than I remember it. Somehow, I doubt in its future. But the heroes of the world have taught me that even if you don't believe in a happy ending, you should never stop trying to make it happen. We don't live forever, and in the end our actions, not our backgrounds, dictate how we will be remembered. There is still some hope for me, fallen angel though I am, and that is why I must leave you here, Losien to march to almost certain death...in hope of a better day.

*A single dramatic tear falls from his eye.*

Losien:...

*There is a brief, awed silence. Losien breaks it by kneeing TLTE in the groin. The resultant noise is more audible than TLTE's follow-up squeak.*

Losien: ****ing guys...

*She marches off, leaving TLTE's children's hopes of survival in almost as bad a state as the world's...*

Uh oh! The sweet delicate fruit of romance has been soured for the greater good! But will it be in vain? Who will come to TLTE's aid against the Kirby menace? And will the gift of salvation be enough to put him back in Losien's good books? Find out the answers by asking me nicely, or failing that, read the next NeS post!!!

maevie

06-16-2003, 01:31 PM

having been neglected in the flashback by their writers, Ford and Maeve are still in the jail cell, however many years later we're at now. However, as Ford has been present in many NeS antics over the years, this creates something of an issue with continuity. anyway, that will be addressed soon enough...

Ford: something weird is going on...

Maeve: let me guess, the power of NeS doing something stupid and nonsensical?

Ford: perhaps. I think it's about time we got out of here

Maeve: yeah, I mean, we've only been here..what? ten years or so?

Ford: mhmm...now...how to escape...

Maeve: you know, seeing as all we did was take part in a raucous party, we really should have been released a long time ago.

Ford: shush, I'm thinking *mumbles to himself* now, if we remove that grating, and use the bedsheets to make a rope...

meanwhile, Maeve goes to see the guard

Maeve: excuse me, I believe it's about time we were allowed to leave, what with not having commited a serious crime or anything.

Guard: you're still here??!??! wow, we forgot about you a long time ago. what have you been surviving on?

Maeve: rats, mainly, occasionally we were lucky enough to get leftovers from the other prisoners. anyway, can we please go?

Guard: certainly. *opens the door*

Maeve: you coming Ford?

Ford, meanwhile, has created a complex system of ropes and pulleys and has just launched himself out the window of the jailcell

Maeve: I guess I'll meet him downstairs

-----

outside the jail

Ford: *panting heavily*..h-h-how did you get here?

Maeve: the stairs...seemed logical to me.

Ford: they let you out?

Maeve: yeah, turned out they'd forgotten about us, quite a waste of our youth, eh?

trying not to consider the truth of how much of his life he's missed, Ford moves on to trying to work out what the weird thing was that spurred them on to take this action

Ford: ok, we need to get to...I have no idea...why does this keep happening? it's like I have these memories, but I don't...

Maeve: um, ok... how about we go this way? *points*

Ford: sure

in true NeS coincidence stylee, they soon find themselves at the HoH, which Ford kinda recognises in a sort of alternate universe kinda way. they both go inside, and soon bump into the Ford that has been part of the NeS antics all this time.

OriginalFord: uuuuhhh....

AlternateFord: uuuuhhh....

OriginalFord: uuuuhhh....

AlternateFord: uuuuhhh....

Maeve: right, this isn't going anywhere fast. seeing as the entire world seems to have lost all logic since I met you Ford, I'm going to assume that this is some kind of paradox thingamajig, solvable only by a stupid random action.

OriginalFord: uuuuhhh....

AlternateFord: uuuuhhh....

while the two Fords keep uuuhhh....ing, Maeve walks behind them both and bangs their heads together. they both fall to the floor and pass out

Maeve: um, not sure if that was the desired effect or not

suddenly the air around the two Fords begins to wobble a bit, kinda like when heat rises of the road and everything goes blurry. the edges of the Fords fuzz and start blending together until only one Ford is left

Maeve: aha! I'm sure that's got to be a good thing.

Ford: ok, what the hell happened? I was just going to get something to drink...no I wasn't, I'd just escaped a jailcell...ok, what???

Maeve: I don't know, there were two of you, so I bashed you together and you became one, seemed to fit the NeS logic, from what you've told me..that is, what the you that has been in a jailcell for the past decade..I don't know what the other one's been doing

Ford: jail...other...NeS... something bad is happening

Maeve: why am I not surprised?

they rush off to find out what today's emergency is

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<Kroko> From the useless trivia page: The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.

IS_ford1342

06-16-2003, 09:07 PM

Ford walks around in a haze, trying to piece his mind back together, using nothing but suare pegs and round holes. needless to say he was getting quite a headache.

Ford: Oy, i have quite a headache.

I said you needn't have said that.

Ford: Sorry, i wasn't paying attention. i have quite a headache.

Oy vey. When will these kids loirn? Anyway, Ford was looking for a wuiet place to lie down and have maybe a nice relaxing nap when he happened upon the broom closet currently occupied by Dr. Dormouse.

Ford: Oh, hello Dr. Dor. who are you?

Dr. Dor: but you just said my name...

Ford: Of course i did. why would i say your name? i've never even met you before.

Krig: Ford talk funny. He not look too good.

Dr.D: Indeed, Krig. Say, you look like you have quite a headache.

*groan*

Dr.D: thats quite enough out of you.

*chastened*

Dr.D: as i was about to say, i think i have just the thing.

Dr.D opens a drawer, pulling out a crazy straw. he then goes to one of the arrays of complicated chemical equipment that i couldnt dream of understanding, and twists a nozzle, sending a sluice of thick orange and chartruse liquid into a beaker. putting the crazy straw into it he hands it to Ford.

Dr.D: Here, drink this.

Ford: Sure thing Doc. What do you think i am, stupid? im not drinking your poison.

Ford takes a long sip, the thick ooze-like substance slowly advancing through the twists and turns, loops and whorls of the incredible crazy straw. once he has swallowed the first bit, he seems to realize what he's doing and throws the beaker, shattering the crazy straw.

DrD: ******, that was an antique.

Ford: Thanks Doc, i feel a little better. Serves you right you rotten...

Just then ford falls the the ground unconcious.

DrD: took him long enough. must have mismeasured somewhere...perhaps too much lime jell-o..

Krig: what in ugly drink?

DrD: what? oh, just a mickey finn, and some thickening orange and lime Jell-o. i knew he'd be coming, just not when. i was just going to give him a bowl full of it, its his favorite you see, but you know how wonkey time travel can be. no matter how precise you measure things you can almost be sure to be off by 15 minutes one way or th' other. anyway, just whipped it up a little too late. kind of sad, really. waste of a good half pound of sleeping pills.

Oh no! What has Dr. Dormouse done?! More importantly why did he do it? Can we ever expect Krig to talk in complete polysyllobic sentances? Find out some, if not all of these questions next time on The Neverending Headache!

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may the farce be with you.

GrndAdmThrawn

06-17-2003, 12:59 AM

dear god, 45 pages? i'm suprised that the forum hasn't choked up yet lol

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Memory believes before knowing remembers. Believes longer than recollects. Longer than knowing even wonders.

Council of 13

Krig the Viking

06-17-2003, 10:35 AM

(OOC: W00t! Despite the Viking moving away from his beloved home - and more importantly, his beloved Internet - he continues to have access to the fabled World Wide Web! How, you ask? Well, that's a mystery. A mystery so mysterious it can only be explained by the wonders of public libraries...)

*Krig the Viking, Doctor Dormouse, and Maeve stand around Ford's unconcious body, none of them knowing quite what to say.*

Maeve: "So..."

*The group stands around silently. Krig burps.*

Krig: "Hello. Me Krig. Who you?"

Maeve: "Maeve."

*Krig nods. Silence resumes. Dr. Dor begins whispering conspiratorially to a nearby coat hanger.*

Maeve: "So, Doc, you're just going to leave Ford lying there, are you?"

Dr. Dor: "What? Oh, um... yes!"

Maeve: "So why did you drug him?"

Dr. Dor: "What? Oh, I'm sure I had a very good reason. Now if you'll excuse me, my friend Mr. Hanger here has told me something very important!"

*Dr. D rushes off into the depths of the closet. Krig and Maeve stand there, looking at Ford laying sprawled on the floor.*

Maeve: "I guess we should help him or something."

Krig: "He look heavy."

*Just then, the closet door opens and theOtter sticks his head in.*

Otter: "Gottagogottagogottago -- wait, this isn't the bathroom! Stupid HoH and it's stupid endless corridors..."

*TheOtter steps back into the hall, muttering to himself. Silence falls on the closet once again, save for Dr. Dor whispering to a coat hanger somewhere.*

Maeve: "So..."

*Krig reaches into his cloak pocket and pulls out a mug.*

Krig: "Lady like beer?"

Maeve: "I thought you'd never ask!"

As Krig and Maeve discover their shared appreciation for a frosted ale, and the good Doctor rambles on to a bit of twisted wire, whatever will happen to the rest of the world? Will TLTE's important life-or-death type emotional struggles result in him saving the world? Or will it just sort of happen by accident, like usual? Find out next time, only on the Never... Ending... Saaaaasquaaaaatch! I mean story.

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"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

Ford

06-17-2003, 07:42 PM

As the beautiful blonde and the tiny viking drink their frothy beverages from tall mugs, Dr. Dor continues his conversation with Mr. Hangar.

Dr.D: I suppose if you put it that way, it could mean almost anything.

Mr.H: ...

Dr.D: Quite right. i'd never thought about it that way. but what if we use the Florgenlathel?

Mr.H: ...

DrD: Yes! Briliant! Simply brilliant! It all makes sense now! But how can we reverse it?

Mr.H: ...

Dr.D: hmmm...i see...

Mr.H: ...

Dr.D: Well, i guess we had better make sure, dont you agree?

Mr.H: ...

Dr.D: *chortles* You know, i've never met anyone quite like you...except for Billy *sniff*

Mr.H: ...

Dr.D: i'll have to leave you here im afraid, as i dont think you have the strength to get across the room. but really i must help the boy. you understand dont you?

Mr.H: ...

Dr.D: I knew i could rely on you.

Dr. Dormouse makes his way back to the unconcious hero, and the two sodden ones.

Dr.D: Here, you two! I need you to get this young man onto the table!

Maeve: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP

Dr.D: Hmf.

What is Dr. Dor planning to do with Ford? Will he ever get decent help? Is maeve ever going to sober up? Find out whenever we get around to it, i've got a date with a very attractive hangar! *madash*

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Democrats: Like Bill Clinton, we think with our genitals. Republicans: Like Richard Nixon, we don't bother thinking.

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited June 23, 2003).]

DrkJedi82

06-17-2003, 08:55 PM

*back in Jim7's secret evil base we see TLTE sitting in a chair with a bag of ice over his crushed manhood*

Jim7 exits the broom closet

TLTE: good to see you finally come out of the closet

Jim7 smacks TLTE with a mop

Jim7: shut up idiot!

TLTE: but-

Jim7: NO I WON'T LET YOU EVEN START TALKING

TLTE: ...

Jim7: and why am i drinking this crap

Jim7 throws the monogrammed flask out the window then reaches into his desk and retrieves a bottle of vodka from a drawer

Jim7: now back to business...

TLTE: eh?

Jim7: You will need some support on this mission you are about to accept.

TLTE: but i didn't sayi was-

Jim7: If you don't accept *snaps fingers* Tony here will give you no choice but to reconsider.

TLTE: So you are making me an offer i can't refuse?

Jim7: THAT'S MY LINE **** YOU!!!

TLTE: sorry...

Jim7: *hands TLTE a piece of paper with instructions* you are to go to the docks and pick up some supplies... and while your there tell give this to Vinny Sevenicci *hands TLTE a letter*

TLTE: o...k...

Jim7: and don't you dare read the letter or you'll be sleepin' with the fishes

TLTE: ...

Jim7: Tony, see that the man makes it to his car...

Tony leads TLTE out of the room

Jim7: that poor ******* will need more help than Vinny can offer...

Jim7 makes a phone call

Jim7: Angelo you fat pig is Jack back from his trip to Chicago?

Angelo: Jimmy... you never call how have you been

Jim7: Ok.. just been expanding my business to the NeS... so is Jack available I need his services...

Angelo: Yeah he just got back from the job I sent him on

Jim7: ok send him my way I'll give him the details when he gets here.

Angelo: Will do*click*

Jim7 hangs up the phone, stands up, and looks out the window...

Jim7: It begins....

WTF? What begins? What foul plot is afoot? Is it even a foul plot? What inspired this whole mafia-esque thing? Find out in the next exciting episode of*static*.... TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES PLEASE STAND BY...

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

JediKirby

06-17-2003, 10:38 PM

Lots of kirbys die...

------------------
Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP (http://www.jedinights.com/e21tc/)

Tracer

06-19-2003, 08:01 PM

*Still at the Jim7 base...*

Jim7: "Ah, Jack. It's been too long."

Jack: "Likewise, Mr. 7. What can I do for you."

Jim7: "I have a matter that needs attending too, if you catch my drift."

Jack: "Name and location?"

*Jim7 smiles broadly and reclines in his puffy chair.*

Jim7: "I see you are still quick on the uptake, Jack. That's good, because this job is going to require all of your faculties."

*Jim slides a photograph across his desk to Jack.*

Jim7: "My estranged half-brother KyleKatarn7. I am normally content to merely not speak to him, but lately his organization has been...sniffing the wrong hydrant, so to speak. You get me?"

Jack: "If by sniffing the wrong hydrant you are in fact referring to milking the forbidden cow, then yes, I believe we have an understanding."

Jim7: "Indeed. Scrubbing the neighbour's linoleum, as it were."

Jack: "I see."

Jim7: "I must send a clear message to these miscreants - interference of this nature will not be tolerated! Find this KyleKatarn7 and purchase for him the proverbial whopper."

Jack: "Take him for a walk around the reservoir."

Jim7: "Dice his tomatoe."

Jack: "Introduce him to Big Bird."

Jim7: "Barter away his dancing skeleton."

Jack: "Tax his flaming chiwauwau."

Jim7: "Eat his pants."

Jack: "Dismantle his baby food."

*Long, uncomfortable silence.*

Jack: "I had best be going."

Jim7: "Good luck, Jack. Do me proud."

*Jack leaves.*

------------------
Schism.

KyleKatarn7

06-20-2003, 01:01 AM

Outside the Hall of Heroes...

* Fade in to the rugged good looks of Jack. Camera pulls back, revealing a large man in a classy business suit. He straightens it once, turns towards the camera, takes a swig of a well-placed can of Pepsi, gasps refreshingly, then walks in through the door. *

* Coming into an apparently empty, well-upholstered parlor, Jack takes a long look around, walks toward the giggling he hears behind a closet door. Cautiously opening it, he finds none other than Maeve and Krig, drunk off their ***es. *

Maeve: " *hic* Why hello there, care to join us?" *offers a mysterious hip-flask*

Jack: "Maybe later. I have some business to attend to. Do you, by chance, know of a KyleKatarn7?"

Maeve: "I 'unno. Ask da viking."

Jack: "Uhhh..allright. Sir, would you happen to know a KyleKatarn7 by any chance?"

Krig: *hic* "What you want with him?"

Jack: "I'm here to buy his whimsical goat, if you know what I mean.

* Krig and Maeve raise their eyebrows in drunken unison *

Jack: "...Uhhh...Cook his pineapple, if you catch my drift."

* Krig and Maeve look to each other in confusion. *

Jack: "I'm here to smack him upside the head with a trout."

Maeve: "Ohhh, Ohhhhh!! He's right down the hall, first door on the left, he's probably knee-deep in his mini-bar right now..."

Krig: "Mini-bar?! Nobo-*hic*-noobo-*hic*-nobody told Krig mini-bar here!"

* Krig dashes off ahead of Jack, making a desperate bid to reach the mini-bar before the approaching bloodbath completely ruins the precious alcohol. *

* Krig, coming across a locked door, proceeds with his version of subtlety to knock the door askew in his mad dash to save the alcohol. *

* Jack, finally reaching Kyle's room, pauses upon seeing the chaos of a viking utterly decimating a mini-bar and knocks politely on the door (which promptly falls off its hinges). *

* Kyle toasts with Krig, downs his drink, turns towards Jack... *

Kyle: "...Hello? Can I help you?"

Jack: "Perhaps...I'm here to kill you."

Kyle: "*drunken pause* I'm not sure I want to help you then..."

What will become of our beleagured hero? Obviously, somebody must save him, lest the entire story fall apart without him!--Wait a second...who wrote this?

* KK7 the Writer snickers. *

Ahem....Anyways, check out our next story, or we will send Jack to pop your kneecaps with a wet noodle. And if you think I'm kidding around, just ask Dor. He's duct-taped the white horse a few times, if you know what I mean.

------------------
"What sane person could live in this world, and *not* be crazy?"

Council of 14

"I am the signature virus! Copy me into your signature so that I can take over the world! Moohahahee!"

KyleKatarn7

06-20-2003, 01:17 AM

(OOC: Just curious, has anybody made a back up copy of the NES so that, if it does get large enough to mess up the forums, we'll be able to have at least some record of what's happened so far?)

------------------
"What sane person could live in this world, and *not* be crazy?"

Council of 14

"I am the signature virus! Copy me into your signature so that I can take over the world! Moohahahee!"

Gebohq

06-20-2003, 08:13 AM

(NSP: You think ol' Geb wouldn't be saving NeS on his hard-drive? Silly Kyle...

On another note, if Kyle is Jim7's half-brother, does that make him a half-demon or something? Though I suppose we'd have to figure out how Satan had a mother and a father first...)

KyleKatarn7

06-20-2003, 04:51 PM

Ahhh yes, the story of KyleKatarn7 and Jim7 goes back a long long time, and it's quite complicated, so you better listen up!

Once upon a time, a long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away...

* Camera fades in on a cratered battle ground. From all directions comes the sound of incoming pies and invisible anvils. Hasty defenses are erected: invisible walls, clown tents, anything and everything at hand. A lone clown kamikaze can be spotted, running towards a stronghold maintained by a squadron of mimes. An explosion of custard rocks the surroundings, obscuring the view of the stronghold, still standing, but barely. *

* Cut to a nearby hill where mimes and clowns of both sides are fighting melee battles, both sides desperately fighting to gain the upper hand. Zoom in on the leaders of the two groups, fighting with legendary skill and accuracy. *

They frequently taunt each other, neither scoring a direct hit. Dodging and darting, the clown heads up a nearby set of stairs, and, with a deft kick to the mime's head, sends the beret flying, revealing a beautiful young woman. Standing flabbergasted, the clown can barely avoid a counter-attack by the mime. A quick thrust and parry puts the mime on the defensive, and once again they are caught up in the conflict.

Several years pass, with their respect for each other's abilities growing with each encounter. Eventually, they fall in love, realize the futility of conflict, and get married, despite the opinions of their peers. In time, they have a child, and decide to name him Jim7. Why Jim7 you ask? Well, apparently, the clown's parents had been avid fans of George Costanza from Seinfeld, and, well...yeah. Eventually, the clown and mime are overwhelmed by the ostracism they experience, and divorce. They go their seperate ways, one going back into service, the other eventually settling down on the rebound, and thus was KyleKatarn7 born: half-brother to one who was born from what society considered an unholy alliance, but fully human in his own right. Kyle's father never talked about what had happened in those early days, and so, suspecting nothing of this past, Kyle grew into the hacker we all know and love today.

KK7tW: "I still say it would've been easier to just say Kyle was his own grandpa. With a screwed up family like that, how could Jim7 *not* be Kyle's half-brother?"

Quiet you, you're not the one in control here! Will Kyle be saved from Jack? Will TLTE successfully deliver the letter and pick up some supplies for Jim, or will he be swimming with the fishies, if you know what I mean? Will we ever find out what Dr. D has in store for the unconcious Ford? Will Otter ever find a bathroom in the labyrinth that is the Hall of Heroes? Will Losien ever find a guy who won't turn all goody-goody on her? Will the Kirbynaut ever be defeated? And what about that time machine, has anybody been able to keep track of that? For that matter, where's the rest of the heroes? Aren't they aware of the impending danger? Find out the answer to maybe one, if any of these questions, next time on the Never-Ending Story!!!

------------------
"What sane person could live in this world, and *not* be crazy?"

Council of 14

"I am the signature virus! Copy me into your signature so that I can take over the world! Moohahahee!"

DrkJedi82

06-20-2003, 09:52 PM

*somewhere in the NeS rob is wandering around drunk left hand covering a cut on his forehead*

Rob stumbles up to an odd device

Rob: What's this?

while examining the strange object he finds a label

Rob: *reading out loud* time machine.... oh cool i gotta try it out...

suddenly something hits rob in the head knocking him out... a moment later he wakes up

Rob: Where the heck am i?

...

Rob: Hey! I see something shiny!

Rob enters the machine and presses the big red button labeled "big red button"

Rob: AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

a bright light.... rob then finds himself zapped to the past... in the plothole... in Jim7's tent...

Rob: how exactly did you do that?

WHOA U-TURN WTF!?!?!?!

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

CookedHaggis

06-22-2003, 03:27 PM

Not
Using
Daft
Gimmicky
Epitomizations

I'm still here...just terribly, terribly confused...

------------------

shade

06-22-2003, 04:47 PM

I'm with CH...lost and confused in the sudden spin of plots inflicted upon me...combined with the recent ending of my leave...I'm stumped...sort of like Krig, but clueless.

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

Gebohq

06-23-2003, 03:31 PM

(NSP: Just so you all know, I edited certain posts that caused side-scrolling needed just to read the pages *specifically pages 8, 11, 26, 30, and 45.*)

Wuss

06-23-2003, 09:41 PM

Meanwhile...

*The Kirby battle between the forces of good and evil continues to rage in the park. Fires blaze across the landscape and pink puffy corpses litter the ground. In the matter of a few minutes, the once-beautiful park is reduced to a smoldering war zone.*

*Suddenly, in the midst of the carnage, Gebohq stumbles across a tiny, disgustingly adorable puppy. Being the good guy hero-type that he is, he naturally comes to its aid. Dodging enemy blows, he picks it up and reads the tag on its collar.*

Gebohq: "Sugar Dumpling, eh? This is certainly no place for a puppy like you, Sugar Dumping!"

AresKirby: "Hey! That's my dog! Give it over... I mean, Sugar Dumpling, ATTACK!"

*Death-rays explode from Sugar Dumpling's eyes randomly, splashing dozens of Kirbys with burning, melting death. Surprised, Gebohq drops the puppy, and to his horror the dog begins turning towards him, eyes still spraying beams of burning light.*

GebohqKirby: "Noooo! He must survive if the forces of good are to succeed!"

*GebohqKirby hurls himself in front of Gebohq, absorbing the devastating impact. He falls to the ground, blinking dazedly at the very large, very deadly hole in his torso. Gebohq drops to his knees, cradling his Kirby counterpart's head.*

GebohqKirby: "It was meant to be, Gebohq... you... you must defeat what is left of the Kirby menace... and then get to your friend KyleKatarn7, he is in great danger.... the future... is... is... in your hands."

*GebohqKirby's last words come as a whisper as his head slowly droops.*

*Gebohq turns towards AresKirby, a cold rage burning in his eyes.*

Gebohq: "You're mine, Senior Plow!"

AresKirby: "Uh-oh."

[This message has been edited by Wuss (edited June 23, 2003).]

maevie

06-24-2003, 04:16 AM

(my first ever NSP!
firstly - Geb, you rule!!! *kisses for Gebbit*
secondly - Wuss, I don't know if it's cos I've just woken up or simply that I'm the most soppy pathetic person ever, but I have tears in my eyes...beautiful man!)

------------------
rise up in the cafeteria and stab them with your plastic forks!

The Last True Evil

06-24-2003, 07:47 AM

*TLTE arrives in a conspicuous-looking taxi in the middle of a very bland and grey looking docks. The spymaster fits right in, his black trenchcoat morphing him into the shadows and handily allowing him to dodge paying the fine.*

Disgruntled Driver: **** commies...

*For a while, TLTE stumbles aimlessly, wishing he had asked Jim7 exactly where it was he was meant to retreive the supplies and deliver the letter to 'Vinny', though he doubts he could have extracted much from the aimless drunk.*

TLTE: This isn't right...I have to save the world...prove I'm a good g-

*Suddenly, and not too expectedly, he blinks out of existence. He reappears several moments later in a cyperpunk technological hub, contrasted only by the fine mahogany table that his captor is sitting behind. Decked out in a black suit with white tie, the smoke from his cigar blending with that from his tommygun, it is unmistakebly Vinny.*

TLTE: You...I have a letter for you.

Vinny: A pretence, a fabricated illusion designed only to deliver you to my domain. Welcome, TLTE...I've been waiting for a very long time.

*He smiles, and only then does TLTE realise that his cultured, educated voice not only fails to uphold the Mafia schtick; it all but destroys it. A dim light seems to go on at the back of TLTE's brain, though why or how is irrelevant...yet.*

Vinny: Though you do not know it, this conversation has been held several times over in several formats, so the question you are about to ask has, like quantum theory, already been eventuated in every possible circumstance.

TLTE: You...do know that English is my second language, right?

Vinny: *a smile* My apologies. After all, you're not here to think, are you? You are here, TLTE, to fulfill a subjective irony...you are here to ensure your failure.

*A videoscreen rises from the mahogany desk. The armaggeddon of the park is displayed clearly. Several sub-screens depict the events and battles of the day; the death of GebohqKirby the most recent. Suddenly, the screen unifies into one, and TLTE watches Gebohq slam into AresKirby and his bodyguard, swaying them but not toppling them*

TLTE: Geb...

Vinny: He battles now to substitute for your absence, an eventuality catalysed by your infatuation for...Losien, is it? Indeed; love is the last vestige of eternity shared between two, yet it served no purpose here bu to save me from acting sooner.

TLTE: Who are you? What is all this? Why-

Vinny: -do I want you to fail? The answer is simpler than you think.

*On the screen, TLTE is beginning to notice Gebohq's rage falter. AresKirby, leading the entire Kirby mass which now numbers in the hundreds, pummels him with a rain of pink blows, making the NeS legend look like the unlucky participant in a malicious cartoon. Suddenly, the screen cuts away, and TLTE is staring at himself.*

Vinny: You, TLTE, are the source of a replicating human virus designed to latch onto a certain profile and destroy it utterly. Your entire existence has been bred to bring you to this point, where a pre-ordained choice is required to be made by you.

TLTE: Replicating human virus...my clones?

*The videoscreen shows the hundreds of thousands of TLTE clones; The Last True Hot Dog Vendor, The Last True Bubble Gum Fanatic and The Last True Casserole Chef foremost among the crowd.*

Vinny: You and your clones were woven of the finest genetic tissue to singularly latch onto internet storyboards and destroy them utterly. The story of your life is manifold; suffice it to say, were you not around internet stories would now have established a monopoly on the world's fiction and destabilised the economy, bringing about a new world order. Though that is not the primary reason for the destruction of the NeS, it certainly does put you morally in the clear, as it were.

TLTE: But I-I love this thread!

Vinny: Clever, but you only take into account the most recent of your history. Have you not, until the latest story plot, conspired constantly to utterly annihlate this thread and everyone in it?

TLTE: Well, yes, but-

Vinny: This is why.

*A bleak, clinical lab is portrayed on the screen. Thousands of TLTEs are in a state of what could be called mass-production; it appears as if computer chips are being painfully wired into their brain.*

Vinny: A failsafe; should you ever decide to turn good, and abandon the bid to destroy the thread, every single other TLTE will automatically become a vehicle of destruction, wreaking havoc on this world unlike anything seen before.

*He leans forward in his chair, grinning insanely.*

Vinny: However. It would appear that the antics of this thread will destroy itself before you or your brethren could. All that was needed now was to...restrain you.

TLTE: Jim7...did this deliberately?

Vinny: No. The fool was easy to delude. Some mind-control drugs in his brew and-

Jim7: I HEARD THAT! *hic*

*The man himself crashes through the air vent above them, landing on the mahogany desk and exploding the videoscreen under him. Vinny is momentarily distracted, giving TLTE a bare moment to rip the tommygun from his hands and point it back at him. Jim7, having saved the day unwittingly, is fast asleep.*

TLTE: I'm going to save this thread, and then I'm coming back for you. But before I go, I have to know; what would motivate you to destroy such a thread like this?

*Vinny laughs coldly, pulling up his coat-sleeves. On his upper arm there is a tattoo of an infinity symbol, with a violently drawn cross through it.*

Vinny: There is always an opposition to right, TLTE...as you yourself should know.

*TLTE eyes him with apprehension and disgust, then against his better judgement leaves to save Gebohq...*

(NSP: Forgive the lack of humour, I just needed to etch out the plot twist http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif )

Krig the Viking

06-24-2003, 09:29 AM

*In the Hall of Heroes, a rather large, motley group of assorted heroic-types lounges around in front of a giant television monitor. Rather than displaying the current status of the various NeS Heroes, the monitor is displaying Die Hard 4.*

*Just then, Otter stumbles back into the room.*

Lt. Randy: "Find the bathroom?"

Otter: "Um... yes!"

Cooked Haggis: "I say, where did Mr. Gebohq get off to?"

Galvatron: "Probably went to get doughnuts."

*There is silence for a moment as the others consider this. On the big giant screen, Bruce Willis blows stuff up.*

Haggis: "Yes, you're probably right."

Will Geb survive the Kirby Onslaught? Will TLTE save the NeS? Will Janitor Bob ever discover that theOtter did not, in fact, find the bathroom? What will happen then? All these things and several completely unrelated and unexpected items also, next time here in the NeS!

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

Tracer

06-24-2003, 10:36 PM

*Back at the Hall of Drunkards...*

Jack: (draws a gun) "Your brother sends his regards, Kyle."

Kyle: "What brother?"

Jack: "Why, the other Mr. 7, of course."

Kyle: "There is no 'other Mr. 7.'"

Jack: "Yes there is."

Kyle: "No there isn't."

Jack: "Um, there is. I just spoke to him."

Kyle: "Look, do I need to pull out the phone book?"

*Remembering his job, Jack levels the gun at Kyle.*

Jack: "No Kyle, you need to pull out some death."

Kyle: "That doesn't make any sense."

*Suddenly, the door is kicked off its hinges and a barrage of lead tears into Jack.*

MaybeChild: "Everybody alright?"

*Kyle glances down at the bloody mess.*

Kyle: "I'm fine, but he probably needs medical attention...like maybe a cast...or some CPR..."

MaybeChild: "I was speaking rhetorically. To show my utter disdain for your inability to protect yourself from hired assassins."

Kyle: "Oh...well, that was nice of you...I think..."

MaybeChild: "Next time, less alcohol, more heroics."

*The sound of a million panes of glass shattering rises up from somewhere within the Hall of Heroes.*

MaybeChild: "I'm coming down there, and believe you me it is going to be trouble if people are swinging from the chandilier!"

*MaybeChild slaps another clip into her Uzi and heads downstairs, and nearly smacks into Janitor Bob as he enters the room.*

Janitor Bob: "Sounded like we might have a bit of a mess on our hands here."

*Janitor Bob sets up his bucket and begins mopping the dead body.*

Janitor Bob: "And, if you don't mind me saying so, maybe a more personal dilemma? Such as a long, lost sibling?"

Kyle: "How did you know?!"

Janitor Bob: "Custodial work gives one a unique perspective on the human condition. You get to know people through their messes."

Kyle: "Really."

Janitor Bob: "Yup. I probably know the heroes and villians of this world better than they know themselves. And if I know you - which I do - you're wrestling over the moral implications of taking a leave of absence to search for this brother or sister."

Kyle: "Yes, I -"

Janitor Bob: "Go for it. Morality went out the door when Geb kicked a cute little poodle back in '86."

Kyle: "He kicked a poodle?"

*Bob returns to his mopping.*

Janitor Bob: "Long story."

*Following the body language, Kyle makes to leave. However, Janitor Bob raises warning hand.*

Janitor Bob: "Take the fire escape."

Kyle: "Why?"

Janitor Bob: "It's four-thirty; Otter will have just gone on a bathroom run, and I get the feeling he didn't make it."

*Kyle nods, and clambers out the window.*

(NSP: Crap...Almost had a perfect post.)

------------------
Schism.

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited June 24, 2003).]

mikeyman

06-25-2003, 04:07 PM

I'm starting to get interested in joining the NES, but I would like to know the recent timeline. Mainly to answer these questions:
What's up with the Kirby's?
Who/What is TLTE?
Who are the main charecters? (bios for each would be great...)

------------------
Blue Moon Jedi Mercenaries: Book 0 (http://forums.massassi.net/html/Forum7/HTML/000439.html)
Writers: Me and Delphian.
Accepting replacement writer for roadmaster103. Go to topic for details.

---------------------
| mikeyman wuz here |
---------------------

DrkJedi82

06-25-2003, 04:54 PM

*back at Jim7's base Jack walks into the main office*

Jim7: Jack, you look like hell... what happened?

Jack: He had a heavily armed bodyguard.

Jim7: Well you're lucky you had the bullet proof vest with the fake blood.

Jack: I'm glad I was a Boy Scout

Jim7: Yes, one of the most important lessons ever... how to start a fire with just about anything... oh and "be prepared"

Jack: You want me to try again?

Jim7: NO... KyleKatarn7 is no longer a problem for me... Vinny Sevenicci however...

Jack: I thought you and Vinny were business partners...

Jim7: Well he stepped over the line he did the unthinkable... he disrespected me.. he disrespected the family... you know what to do

Jack: by tomorrow Vinny Sevenicci will have to learn to breathe the crap in the river that passes for water

Jim7: good... now go... take care of Vinny's little problem

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

The Last True Evil

06-25-2003, 07:26 PM

(NSP: Welcome mikeyman, to the NeS! I look forward to embarking on adventures with you...

To help you post accurately, I'll describe my character, The Last True Evil. He is a tall, Russian spy, adept in weaponry and espionage. For secret purposes, a veritable army of TLTE clones are positioned around the globe, going about their jobs...if you live in the NeS world, you have more than likely met a TLTE clone. More to the point, he has long been the most charismatic enemy of the NeS (though with colleagues like Ares and Darkside, the competition is somewhat lacking) and has frequently almost destroyed the thread, spouting paper-thin reasons that no one really believed.

Recently, however, he has turned over a new leaf, both denouncing his evil ways and embarking on a love affair with Losien, the belle of the NeS ball (although now competing with mavispoo http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif ). He has been persecuted by ex-enemies who rather than see the new man that he has become, would rather shoot first and get Janitor Bob in to mop it up later.

Most recently, TLTE has come face to face with the mot dangerous enemy yet; the Kirby plague. Spreading like a virus over the beloved NeS world, only he - aided by the ever-ready leader of the NeS heroes, Gebohq - can stop them. An errand for supplies has led him to 'Vinny', a mysterious figure who has revealed TLTE's entire existence as a means to annihlate the NeS and all within it.

Anxious to find out more about his heritage, pursue his love for Losien and save the ambushed Gebohq from the Kirbys, TLTE now races to the arena of choice, a harmless city park...but there, the fate of us all will be decided, and TLTE will never again be the same...

DUM DUM DUM! I know, such is the life of a NeS character! So come on down, mikeyman, and help the NeS out...)

DrkJedi82

06-25-2003, 07:35 PM

Some info for my character....

Jim7 is Satan... he is "on vacation" he likes his vodka and his sex, drugs, and rock & roll... also he seems to be connected with the mafia for some reason.... essentially he is evil... but he isn't one of the "bad guys" he also hates Ares for smashing up his go-kart

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

KyleKatarn7

06-25-2003, 09:05 PM

(NSP: Well, I went searching, and it appears I've found my original description of KK7. Here ya go:

As a side note, I guess I'll go with Kyle Katarn the Hero (KK the Hero and KKtH will also be fine), not to be confused with Kyle Katarn the mercenary. I don't quite have a bio on him cause never had a reason to...I'm guessing 5'7", mood ring hair (shifts to whatever color he wants), rather thin, and looks just like a slicer from Star Wars: pale as if he hasn't seen light other than that from a computer in many years, occasional mutterings of "my precious" to his datapad, and his waist sports a holster for his datapad. Instead of fighting his way through trouble like the mercenary, KKtH prefers to hang back and calculate strategics and tactics, waiting for the moment to use his literal and figurative weapon of choice: the datapad, and a few nasty surprises hard-wired into his datapad (completely non-lethal...think the mad scientist from Mystery Men), including a duct-tape dispenser, a laser with three settings: Bug the bad guy, Incapacitate bad guy, and Ouchies, he's gonna feel that in the morning (default is Bug the bad guy), and to make a long story short, his datapad is basically a swiss army datapad. That's all I can think of right now.

Oh yeah, and his hair is usually set to a nice normal blondish red.

------------------
"What sane person could live in this world, and *not* be crazy?"

Council of 14

"I am the signature virus! Copy me into your signature so that I can take over the world! Moohahahee!"

Gebohq

06-25-2003, 09:12 PM

(NSP: Hey mikeyman! First off, I hope your story will pick up off the ground some day, but I'll just let you know now that even the wisest of us writers have difficulty getting new threads started, so don't feel too bad http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

As for NeS, a good rule of thumb for "picking up" on NeS usually is to read the last two pages (if you want, you can go through the whole thread, but its not a pre-requisite). That way, you can pick up on the general spirit of the story, which is often more fun than... er... funny http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif From there, if you want to introduce a character, just make sure to describe/introduce such a character in good detail and post away!

As for your questions, I think TLTE and Jim7 did a great job, but just to fill in some gaps that otherwise might be itching your curiosity:

~JediKirby was, at one point, a sort of "backstage techie" of the NeS crew, making sure things ran smoothly and whatnot. However, recently, Kirby ate TLTE out of a reflexive urge to protect Gebohq and, in the process, most likely absorbed some of TLTE's evil tendancies. From there, Kirby has plotted, like so many other villians, to take over the world, end NeS, etc. etc.

As for bios, I think the only other ones you REALLY need are Gebohq and Losien. You can find what you need to know about Geb under the "bios" section of NeS Illustrated (http://nesi.keenspace.com). As for Losien, she is Geb's sister and, though quite attractive and talented in her own ways, more often than not lacks a good self-image.

One day, my story posts will outnumber my NSP's, but until then...)

B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B

U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U U

M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M M

P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Yes, there are 45 B.U.M.P.!'s there.

http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

(P.S. You can also find out when you registered as a member of Massassi! Go find out here:

http://www.massassi.net/etc/memberslist.txt

I'm number #128!)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited June 25, 2003).]

The Last True Evil

06-25-2003, 11:50 PM

NeS Chapter Umpteen: The Departure of The Last True Evil

(NSP: Time for a surprise.)

*The park. Quite appropriately, the evil evening has reached its darkest black. A dozen police cars are laying helter-skelter, some overturned, some severely damaged, all totally vacant of life.*

Gebohq: NnnnnnnnyyyyyAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH]hhhhhhh!!!

*Gebohq's fist shakes hard enough to spark, punching a Kirby so hard his face implodes. He leaps onto a police car, time slowing down as he spins, two uzis out and firing at the advancing KirbyMass. AresKirby leaps from the horde, kicking Gebohq onto the bonnet and beginning to throttle him...*

Losien: HANDS OFF MY BROTHER!

*The legend-ess herself, still clad in the floral bikini for our sake, dispatches AresKirby with a kick that sends him spinning into the pink crowd, temporarily halting them.*

Gebohq: Run! Runnnn!!!

*They leap backwards over the car, searching for an exit to the hellish arena, but none are evident. Back to back, the siblings prepare for what will undoubtedly be their last stand...*

Gebohq: Where are the heroes when I need them? They owe me!

Losien: Are you kidding? You owe every one of them money!!

Gebohq: Well, financing artists for NeSi is NOT FOR PROFIT!!!

*Their squabbling is cut short by the realisation that the Kirbymass has them surrounded. Suddenly, the Kirbys fall into hushed whispering, all of them seeming to agree to something. In unison, they start to hum at such a high pitch, the beleaguered heroes think their heads will explode...*

!BANG!

*Suddenly, all of the Kirbys merge into one. It is unmistakeably...*

jediKirby: Didja miss me?!?!

Losien: You idiot! Look at all this destruction you've wreaked! And for what?

jediKirby: It's not my fault, sweetie...you see, when I merged with TLTE, I had the good fortune of 'eating' all of his negative tendencies...greed, anger, the desire to dominate the world...

Losien: How adorable, my TLTE is faultless!

*She gazes at the sky, clutching her heart.*

jediKirby: True, but sorry to say, I'm now twice as bad as he used to be. It's strange, I...I feel like I must destroy this thread and all life on it...funny, huh?

Gebohq: Hilarious.

*Quick as a rattlesnake, he throws an open-handed punch at jediKirby, determined to end the conflict with a single blow, but all of the Kirbys' strength and speed is in the singular evil entity now. He easily dodges and punishes Geb with a devastating snap-kick to the ribs. Geb flies backwards, tumbling to a rest at Losien's elegant feet. Taking out her hair-pins, Losien pockets them deliberately.*

Losien: You're outta here.

*She launches herself at jediKirby, with a flurry of punches and kicks that would have utterly destroyed any other, but he simply blocks her at every point, and pushes her hard with both hands, sending her falling to Gebohq.*

jediKirby: I think I'll start my annihlation with you two...

*He pulls out a devilish red lightsaber and ignites it, drawing it back.*

TLTE: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

*The Russian spy leaps out from nowhere and fires Vinny's tommygun, launching a barrage of bullets at jediKirby, who melts them all with his spinning lightsaber. Kirby grains maniacally at him.*

jediKirby: How very fitting that you are here, TLTE. Here to witness me complete that which you have failed to do so many times-

*But with that,Gebohq tackles him from behind, and the two wrestle on the ground for the lightsaber. TLTE races to Losien, who is dazed but very much alive.*

TLTE: Any ideas?

Losien: None...he's too strong now...too evil!

TLTE: ******, I am The Last True Evil! I should be able to defeat him!

Losien: No no, don't think like that...we've come so far...just think about the love we had. That at least was worth it...

TLTE: 'The love we had'...

Losien: What?

TLTE: Maybe...a token from my love...it could...

*He suddenly feels through Losien's pockets, grabs something, and then draws her to him, embracing in a kiss potent with finality.*

TLTE: I love you. NeS quirkiness be damned.

*Then, aborting perhaps the only emotionally meaningful moment NeS history will ever have to endure, he rushes to end the conflict...*

*Meanwhile, Gebohq has succeeded in dislodging the lightsaber from jediKirby's hand, but the uber-villain is now intent on squeezing the life from Geb.*

jediKirby: Your death will cement the end of the NeS...goodbye, my writer king!

*Just as the life starts to fade from Gebohq's eyes, TLTE slams jediKirby, sending them both tumbling away from Geb. The two of them battle it out briefly, but jediKirby is far too skilled now, and counters a kick to the head by grabbing TLTE's leg and spinning him around, gaining momentum before sending him crashing into a tree, tumbling the great oak. TLTE struggles to his feet-*

*-just as jediKirby grasps him, pushing him against a neighbouring tree and pressing cold steel into his chest.*

jediKirby: On the bright side, TLTE, we got a chance to have a little heart-to-heart before the end...

*Gebohq, squinting painfully from his vantage point on the ground, watches as, at the critical moment, when jediKirby thumbs on his lightsaber and a red flash of light perforates TLTE, the Russian brings his own hand across to jediKirby.*

TLTE: How...very fitting.

*He collapses, a gaping hole in his abdomen. jediKirby, looking very shocked indeed, gazes down at Losien's hairpin, which is embedded deep in his heart. Making a guttural sound, he sinks to his knees.*

Gebohq: TLTE...

*He and Losien rush over to the shade of the tree, under which TLTE lies. Despite being mortally wounded, his face is almost happy.*

TLTE: I...I think it...will work out now.

*With a shaking hand, he points to jediKirby. A vague, undefinable blackness is seeping out of the wound in Kirby's heart. It fills them all with disgust just to look at it. TLTE's negative energy finishes seeping out, then fades into the air. Kirby, looking much better, pulls out Losien's hairpin and promptly falls unconscious.*

*Gebohq reaches to close TLTE's wound, but he gently resists.*

TLTE: No point...my life is...done. Besides....better to...die...a hero, right?

*He smiles, weakly. Losien looks down, a bitter smile on her lips. Gebohq, however, is far more troubled, bracing the fallen man's head.*

Gebohq: TLTE, this can't be right...you're dying! You're an NeS hero now, you can't die! That's how it goes!

Losien: He was a villain, Gebohq. This final act makes him a hero in death...

TLTE: I barely...scraped in...but I did.

*He smiles faintly. The firsts strands of dawn's golden light plays through the shady tree. TLTE gazes out on it, forcing himself to speak strongly.*

TLTE: Farewell, NeS heroes! I...go now to reside where characters are never-ending, like the stories they inhabit....I bid you goodbye...

*And with that, his head slumps. The scene fades; Gebohq and Losien, tearful and sombre, rest next to the fallen hero, certain of a better day. The Last True Evil? Maybe in life. But in death, the man was a hero of epic proportions, one sure to live on in the memory of those that survive him...*

Didn't expect that, did you? No, this is not a bid for attention or praise; believe that TLTE is indeed dead, his memory just that. Will he return in another form? It's possible, not certain...we will see! Be certain, however, that The Last True Evil the Writer will continue to write for NeS until the end of time...so signing off now (but perhaps not forevermore), TLTE!

[This message has been edited by The Last True Evil (edited July 09, 2003).]

Krig the Viking

06-26-2003, 10:08 AM

(NSP: Egad! That ruled! Go TLTE! W00t!

Um... ahem. As for you, New Guy, we welcome you to the fold. Just remember that your soul now belongs to the NeS for all eternity, and you'll be fine.

PS: Go to the top of page 29 for a list of all the major characters and their current locations. Geb does a pretty good job keeping it updated, so it's pretty much in sync with the latest posts.)

*In London's famed clocktower, Big Ben, lies a secret base for the world's last line of defence: the Heroes of NeS. In the Hall of Heroes there are many winding corridors, but they're mostly empty. This is because almost the entire mass of Heroes -- Galvatron, Maybechild, Semievil, Michael MacLongname, MZZT, Gettleburger, Amy Green, Highemperor, JorBo, Cooked Haggis, Phantom Master, Sarn Cardrill, Spasm, Taz, TX3_Gandalf, Wuss, Fluffy, Galrek the Neutral, Masetto, Tracer, Lt. Randy, and last but not least the Otter, are all gathered in the Primary Control Room, watching Die Hard 4 on the giant computer screen that's supposed to be showing vital information like the current status of the world's Heroes and Villians. Had they been doing their job, they would have known that the fate of the entire world had just been decided by a hairpin -- but they weren't, and they didn't.

Into this mass of humanity, sprawled about on various sofas and armchairs strewn about from the last party they had there, strides the world's only known Custodial Hero, Janitor Bob, continuing on his unending quest to keep the world clean, starting with the Hall of Heroes. A noble ideal, but not a particularly possible one. J-Bob, seeing a speck of dirt on the giant monitor, whips out his holstered bottle of Windex and sets to work. The world's finest Heroes are not pleased.*

theOtter: "Hey! Get out of the way! I can't see Bruce Willis blow stuff up if your head is in the way!"

Maybechild: "We really should be watching Tears of the Sun. We've seen this one like six times already."

Otter: "Hey, lady, it's not my fault I can't get the tape out of the VCR!"

Semievil: "If only you would listen to good sense and use duct tape to solve the problem. Duct tape fixes all."

*Meanwhile, in a closet somewhere in the depths of the winding corridors of the Hall of Heroes, long-haired Ford is stretched out on a table, comatose, while slightly mad Doctor Dormouse mumbles to himself nearby. Standing by the table are a short, hairy Viking and a hot but rather drunk chick, known as Krig the Viking and Maeve, respectively.*

Maeve: "What was in thish shtuff, anywhayss?"

Krig: "Krig get ale from Vinland. Very tasty. Krig like."

*Just then, Ford wakes up.*

Ford: "Ow, my head. What's going on? Why am I lying here? And who put my hand in a bowl of warm water?"

*Maeve looks away innocently. Krig stares blankly at the wall. Doctor Dor leaps up with an exclamation of surprise.*

Dr. Dor: "Ahah! You're awake! It worked!"

Ford: "What worked?"

Dr. Dor: "Now that is a good question. I will look into it! Billy! Billy, where are you? I must fetch my beaker!"

Why has Ford awakened? Where will this little closet plot end up? Is TLTE really dead? Does NeS really have a new writer? Stay tuned for some of these questions and others! Thank you and good night!

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"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

Ford

06-26-2003, 10:55 AM

In the Closet Basement Lab.

Dr. Dor: *Fiddles with some knobs and whirly thingys* hmm...*hands Ford a tubey thing* Stick this in your ear.

Ford: What? why? Sure thing Doc, i trust you. *Ford puts it in his ear, subsequently takes it out and stares at it blankly, and sticks it back in* When did you finally get here doc? Where did you all come from? hey is that b33r? *reaches for Krigs ale*

Krig: No. Good ale. not *struggling with 1337sp34k*b-b-b33r. Have swig. you see.

Maeve: yesh..*hic* ish good schtuff...youre kina sezzzzzzzzzzy you know that?

Ford: *swigs* Guh! i gave up drinking ages ago. GOOD B33R! W00t!

Dr.D: *looking at a screen* its just as i suspected...here let me show you.*flips a switch* Hang about a bit Mr. Sir, this will be a little uncomfortable at first.

Ford grimaces until his face finally relaxes into a blank stare. there is a loud whir as a projection screen lowers next to fords head. a light comes out of ford's ear, splaying on the screen. on it there appear to be twho shadowpuppets.

Dr.D: Now what you see here are two brains. im afraid maeve, that when you knocked Fords' heads together, both his mentalities were merged into one space, yet kept their individual traits. the one you see on the right..*indicates a a shadow puppet that looks to have glasses on and is consulting some monumentous tome* is Ford the Hero's mind. this one*indicates the other, which appears to be drinking beer and reading shadowpuppet-pr0n* is Ford the College Student's mind.

as if on cue, the beer drinking shadowpuppet turns towards the other, noticing it for the first time. it appears to yell something at the bookwormish puppet. an argument ensues, and a grand shadowpuppet fight to the death begins.

Dr.D: NOO! this wasnt supposed to happen! not this soon!

Ford: *grabs a mug of Ale taking a large pull* BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP!

Maeve: *giggles insanely*

elsewhere, in a tower in new york

TLTTelevisionExec: Thats right...Good...Right. Now i want you to get to work on Survivor 3.14: The Brooklyn Slum adventure...no i dont care what it takes...you're to do what you're told, or you'll very soon find yourself in a lot of hot water. *slams phone down, shattering the reciever* ******. *buzzes his secretary* get me another **** phone, kira.

Kira: *intercomish voice* yes sir...Mr. Exec...a mr Phil Driver is here to see you.

TLTTVE: *Sighs* send him in.

Phil the Ugo Driver steps through the impressive oak doors a little timidly, looking about taking in the expensive tastes of the TV Exec.

TLTTVE: Well?

Phil: He's dead.

TLTTVE: Excellent.

Oh no! why is Phil working for a TLTE clone? what is TLTTVE plotting? What is going on with Ford's brain? will Dr. Dor be able to save Ford the Hero in time? Find out whenever i bloody say so! MWA HA HA HA ha...*cough* erm...ta.

------------------
Democrats: Like Bill Clinton, we think with our genitals. Republicans: Like Richard Nixon, we don't bother thinking.

shade

06-27-2003, 07:11 PM

hey krig! you have access to massassi! does this mean we can look forward to another installment of NeSI? please?!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

DrkJedi82

06-27-2003, 07:29 PM

*back at the docks Vinny Sevenicci is returning to his office*

Vinny: WHAT THE...WHO ARE YOU?

Jack, who is sitting at Vinny's desk, looks up and speaks.

Jack: I was sent to give you a message.

Vinny: What message... from who?

Jack: Jim7 wants me to tell you "Your monkey has thrown it's last turd."

Vinny: huh?

Jack: The dog has urinated on your sandwich

Vinny gags and spits

Vinny: I thought it tasted funny.... anyway WHAT MESSAGE

Jack: This message... Jack raises the pistol he was hiding under Vinny's desk and puts one bullet through Vinny's head

Vinny: dies

*back in Jim7's office Jim is standing by his window looking towards the docks*

Jim7: It is done... Vinny's monkey flings poo no more

Tony: Jack killed him?

Jim7: gah why must you ruin my fun Tony... nevermind yes.. Vinny is dead...

Well that rat has ate his last piece of cheese

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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Gebohq

06-27-2003, 09:35 PM

(NSP: While Krig still has internet access via his local library, he does not have access where he is living at the moment, nor does he have access to such resources needed to continue doing NeSI strips at this time. Much sadness indeed.

While I hope Krig will be able to draw strips again soon, we're still hoping to enlist another artist to fill in for his place and to possibly help out when he returns to do NeSI strips. So far though, we haven't had too much luck, not with the Uncle Geb coloring contest (http://forums.massassi.net/html/Forum1/HTML/028705.html) at least. Hopefully NeSI will be back on track soon enough http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

For now though, a special announcement from the spooky taco.)

spooky taco: Wraa.

*The spooky taco leaves.*

(...or not.)

------------------
Check out the following stories over at the Interactive Story Board:
The Never-ending Story Thread (http://forums.massassi.net/html/Forum7/HTML/000032.html) or visit the new webcomic version (http://nesi.keenspace.com)!
The Vision Cycle series (http://forums.massassi.net/html/Forum7/HTML/000210.html)
Featured Story: Image-native Kicks (http://forums.massassi.net/html/Forum7/HTML/000449.html)

Quest into new worlds or question the deep parts (and not so deep parts) of life at Merlin's Citadel (http://pub4.ezboard.com/bmerlinscitadel)!

Skrompy

07-01-2003, 12:42 AM

*Meanwhile, somewhere in a dark forest, a hand like a claw shot up through the loose dirt. The hand, caked in dark mud, fondled about searching for a hold of something, anything with which to pull. Finally, it grasped the root of a gnarled, old tree. Ever so slowly, the hand began to pull. As it did, and arm was revealed attached to it, then an elbow and a shoulder. With a triumphant grunt, the head of the great hero Sarn_Cadrill appeared from beneath the dirt.

Sarn pulled himself out of the dirt slowly, muttering to himself about never taking advice from a hero trainer again. His clothing was streaked with dirt and sweat and was very rumpled. Calmly he stood and tried to brush off some of the dirt.

Sarn: That was my best shirt too... If I ever see that so called hero trainer again...

Suddenly, Sarn notices a light flashing through the trees.

Sarn: Now what in the world is that?

Sarn runs towards the light. The camera jerks and bounces along behind him, Blair Witch style. Abruptly Sarn runs out of the trees into a clearing. A fire flickers in the center of the clearing and a group of kids sit around the fire telling stories and roasting marshmellows.

Sarn: Anyone need rescuing here?

Kid #1: Of course not. Do we look like we need rescuing?

Sarn: Well, I suppose not. But I am, after all I hero. That's what I do, is rescue people, you know. *Sarn smiles smugly at this and folds his arms across his chest*

Kid #1: Well no one needs rescuing here.

Kid #2: Say, what's a hero doing out here in the middle of nowhere anyway? And with your clothing so dirty, besides?

Sarn: Well uhh... I was just... uhh... rescuing someone! Yeah that's it.

Kid #1: Who'd you rescue?

Sarn: Uhhm.... He was... errm. She was a princess. Princess of... uh... Well that's unimportant. The important thing is I rescued her.

Kid #1: ...Then where is she now?

Sarn: Oh, well uhh.. She's... gone off to find us some... uhh... food.

Kid #2: You let the princess go off by herself to find food? You should have built her a fire then done that yourself, you unchivalrous whelp.

Sarn: Hey now. You should be nice to your elders, young man.

Kid #3: I'll tell you what I think. I bet there wasn't even a princess. I think he made that story up to cover up what he's really doing out here.

Sarn: You're suggesting I would... fabricate a story about a princess?

Kid #3: Well I sure don't see her anywhere, old man.

Kid #2: Still I suppose he could be telling the truth. We'll just have to wait and see if a princess comes back any time soon.

Kid #1: *thoughtfully* Is she hot, old man?

Sarn: That's Mr. Cadrill to you, young buck. And uhh... yeah, she's really hot. But I didn't rescue her for that... I rescued her because of her large... uhh... IQ. Yeah. Nothing better than a woman with a brain. And dont you kids forget it!

Kid #2: Supposing the princess has laid down to take a nap. I'm certainly feeling tired, and we've only been talking to this guy for a few minutes. Imagine how she must have felt.

Kid #3: Good point. Supposing there even is a princess, she'd probably want to stay as far away from Mr. Capdill as she can.

Sarn: That's Cadrill, you bad-mannored child.

Kid #1: Who cares? Let's go find her. He said she's hot!

Kid #3: Yeah, but what does he know? He's probably never even seen a princess before.

Kid #1: Oh, and like you have?

Kid #3: Well... Ok, let's go after her. Stay here, Mr. Canfill.

Sarn: Uhh... Ok. That's a good idea. I hope you find her!

The group of kids run off into the forest, calling out after the princess. Sarn smiles smugly to himself.

Sarn: That's one way to get rid of some obnoxious kids. Now then, off to find Geb. Wonder what he's up to these days...

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Think Them Skimpy thoughts!!!

Sarn_Cadrill

07-01-2003, 12:44 AM

*cough NSP: The above post was actually written by me, Sarn_Cadrill.

I'm at Craig's house and his browser cookies automatically filled in his username and password and I forgot to change it.

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Tia mi aven Moridin isainde vadin
http://www.writings-emag.net The next big thing since individually wrapped cheese slices (coming soon).

Tracer

07-01-2003, 08:48 PM

NSP: (Dude...are you at the Massassi BBQ?)

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Schism.

Sarn_Cadrill

07-02-2003, 10:28 AM

NSP Uh, yeah, technically... Though it's really just Craig and me here. Not really a BBQ...

------------------
Tia mi aven Moridin isainde vadin
http://www.writings-emag.net The next big thing since individually wrapped cheese slices (coming soon).

Krig the Viking

07-03-2003, 11:27 AM

*In the Main Room of the Hall of Heroes, the credits of Die Hard 4 are rolling on the giant screen. The gaggle of heroes hangs around and discusses the movie intellectually.*

Otter: "*sniff*... that was beautiful!"

Maybechild: "You didn't even watch the whole thing!"

Otter: "I know true art when I see it!"

*Just then, the door opens and Geb and Losien stumble in, all charred and beat up and stuff. A couple of the heroes spare them a disinterested glance or two.*

Geb: "Hey, everybody."

Sem: "Hey Geb. Where were you? You missed a good movie!"

*Geb collapses on the floor in exhaustion. He lays there for a moment, still, as the other heroes look at him in astonishment. Janitor Bob begins spraying him with Windex and trying to keep the floor upon which he's fallen clean.*

Losien: "I'm sorry we're not in a better mood, Semievil, but a very brave man and possibly the love of my life has just died, sacrificing himself for our safety."

Mick MacLongname: "What? I'm not dead!"

Losien: "What? I wasn't talking about you..."

Mick: "You said the love of your life! That's me, right?"

Losien: "Well, um, I think we should just be, um, friends? Ok?"

Mick: "What? This sucks! Who is he? Who is it who stole you away from me?"

Losien: "Uh... TLTE."

Mick: "TLTE?? Our dread enemy? He's tried to kill us uncountable times! He's sheer evil! It's in his name! He's nothing but a --"

*Just then, Mick's tirade is cut short by a well-placed blow to the back of the head by Semievil. Sem shrugs.*

Sem: "He was just gonna keep on like that. It woulda got boring."

*Just then, Geb wakes up again. Brushing the incessantly cleaning J-Bob away, he staggers to his feet and makes his way to the nearest couch, where he sits down.*

Geb: "It was horrible. Kirbies everywhere... fighting. Killing. So many of them..."

Maybechild: "What happened?"

Geb: "JediKirby -- he became evil, and really big and fat, and there was something about time travel -- I didn't understand the whole thing. But then he exploded into a bunch of little kirbies, and all of them were attacking, and I fought ferociously, but--"

Maybechild: "Wait, wait -- you fought them?"

Geb: "Well, uh... yeah. I did pretty good, if I do say so myself."

*There is a moment of silence in the Hall of Heroes. Then, abruptly, everyone bursts out laughing.*

Geb: "What? Why is everyone laughing?"

Maybe: "You're --heehee-- not very good at telling --pshaw haw-- lies, Geb."

Otter: "Yeah, you should at least make them believable!"

Geb: "But I really did fight them! I killed a whole bunch of them!"

*The laughter swells, and several heroes begin rolling on the floor in humourous convulsions.*

Geb: "Losien! You were there! You saw me fighting!"

Los: "Well, Geb, it is a little, um, out of character for you. Actually, I'm not sure I can believe it myself..."

Geb: "But you saw it! With your own eyes!"

As the NeS heroes laugh in Geb's face, the mystery remains -- how was Geb able to put up such fierce resistance? Does he have mysterious powers that he just never discovered because he spent all his time running away? Is he, perhaps, a True Hero? The world may never know -- never, that is, unless they continue to tune into the Neverending Story! And then they will know! So stay tuned dear readers! Eventually all questions will be answered! So there!

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

Sarn_Cadrill

07-03-2003, 04:55 PM

Meanwhile, Sarn still staggered about in the forest, attempting to find his way to his good friend, Geb.

Sarn: Bah, it's no fair. Everything looks different once you're above ground.

Sarn continues to mutter to himself, as he picks his way through the dense underbrush. Suddenly, a giant beast leaps from behind a tree. The beast has long razor sharp teeth, and is covered in fur. It growls ferociously.

Sarn: ...Aunt Sally?

Beast: ?

Sarn: No, wait... You're not Aunt Sally. She's got more hair then you. What do you want?

Beast: Surrender your pitiful life, human. You are not fit to lick the ground where I tread.

Sarn: We'll you're not very friendly now are you?

Beast: ...Umm. No. I'm a ferocious beast, I'm supposed to be nasty and rude. It's in the script if you'd bother to read it now and again.

Sarn: Ha. Why would I do that? It spoils all the surprise. For instance, had I read the script I would know right now whether or not I would defeat you in battle.

Beast: Yes, and had you read the script, you would have been expecting... this!

Suddenly, an fist appears up out of a small shrub near where Sarn is standing. Out steps a short, muscular man, who proceeds to thump Sarn a good one on the back of his head. Sarn falls to the ground unconcious.

Beast: Excellent job, Gogan.

Gogan: ... Why'd you even have me do that? You're the one that's supposed to be the big, ferocious, mighty beast, aren't you?

Beast: Well, yes... But I must reserve my strength. After all, I may have to fight someone actually worthy of the competition eventually. Someone who wouldn't fall for the old "have a thug hide in a small brush and thump you on the head when you're not looking" trick.

Gogan: I see. Well, Ok then. Who do I get to thump next?

The beast puts on as thoughtful an expression as a beast is capable of.

Beast: Well, we'll just have to wait and see, now won't we. Now help me drag this lout to my lair.

Gogan: Why? Can't we just kill him or something and be done with it?

Beast: Of course not. If we kill him then he will not be able to escape, and it wouldn't be a very good story if he didn't have to escape from the lair of a ferocious beast, now would it?

Gogan: Oh, ok... But you'd better let me thump the next guy extra hard for this.

Oh no. What will happen to the Brave Sarn_Cadrill? Will he be able to escape the Beast's lair? And for that matter, who is this Beast and his unsightly companion Gogan? Tune in next time to find out!

------------------
Tia mi aven Moridin isainde vadin
http://www.writings-emag.net The next big thing since individually wrapped cheese slices (coming soon).

DrkJedi82

07-03-2003, 08:15 PM

*back in the past we continue the story of Rob*

Jim7: WTF...

Rob: where am i... what is that glowing orb thing on the table?

Jim7: You are in my tent ... the orb thingy is what i was about to use to drag you here... but i haven't used it... how did you get here?

Rob: i saw something shiny in a box and pushed a button...

Jim7: time travel?

Rob: huh?... oh oh... i remember somehting about a time machine

Jim7: i knew it... you are from the future... you are the wrong rob you must be sent back to your time

Rob: will it hurt?

Jim7: i'm not sure...

Rob: i don't like hurting

just then Jim7 hits Rob with the baseball bat of tiem and Rob is returned to the future

*OMQ so Rob isn't stuck in the plot u-turn... Will Rob ever remember this? Will he hold a grudge? Will there ever be something more exciting than the current crap going on in the NeS? Find out next time on the next exciting episode of Antiques Roadshow!!!

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Tracer

07-04-2003, 12:16 AM

(NSP: We abuse time-travel more than Star Trek :P)

*Location: Jim7's secret base. Time: The present.*

Jim7: "With Vinny dead, I'm free to continue on with my evil plans. Whatever they may be."

*In a blinding flash of baseball, Rob appears!*

Jim7: "Rob? How did you get here?"

Rob: "You smacked me with the baseball bat of time."

Jim: "Really?"

Rob: "It hurt like a mofo."

Jim7: "Cool."

Rob: "No, not exactly. If you recall, I don't like hurting."

Jim7: "Is that a quote? Who said that?"

Rob: "I did."

Jim7: "Oh yeah. It's all coming back to me now."

Rob: "I hate you."

Jim7: "That was a pretty good swing, eh?"

Rob: "Oh, I'll show you a good swing..."

Jim7: "Is that a threat?"

*Before Rob can shoot his mouth off, however, a familiar figure climbs in through the window.*

Kyle: "Jim! I've finally found you!"

*Kyle rushes towards Jim and locks him in an embrace.*

Jim7: "Okay, what the hell?"

Kyle: "I've finally found my estranged brother, that's what's the hell, Jimbo!"

Jim7: "Get off of me!"

*Taken aback, Kyle breaks off the hug.*

Kyle: "What's the matter? Aren't you glad to see me?"

Jim7: "Absolutely not! You invade my secret lair and my personal space, and then refer to me by that detestable nickname...I think I'll have to do away with you."

Kyle: (shocked) "But...we're reunited..."

Jim7: "Yes, well, not for long. Jack!"

*Jack enters.*

Jack: "Yes, boss?"

Jim7: "Dispose of this miscreant."

Jack: "Rewind his betamax?"

Jim7: "Just do it now or you're fired."

Jack: "So Kyle, it seems we meet again, only this time -"

Jim7: "Yeah, you can actually skip this part and get to the shooting."

Jack: (shrugs) "Okay then..."

*From out of nowhere, a full bookcase comes flying through the air and connects with Jack's head, momentarily blinding everyone. When their vision returns, Jack is gone.*

Rob: "Darn, I missed. You got any other crap lying around that I can use as a weapon?"

Jim7: (sputtering) "Freaking...hell..."

Kyle: "Did he just get killed again?"

Jim7: (grating) "No. He was blasted into the future by the Complete Encyclopedia Set of Time."

Rob: "Hey, this'll do."

*Rob hefts a beer keg over his head.*

Jim7: "Not the Beer of Time!"

Rob: "Ah-ha! Vengeance!"

*Rob launches the keg. Not being all that coordinated, it sails over Jim7's head and collides with the far wall. Beer begins leaking across the floor.*

Kyle: "I really think we should talk."

*Jim7 snags the Croquet Wicket of Time and runs at Rob.*

Jim7: "Dieeeeeeeee!"

Kyle: "I mean, we're brothers. We're family."

Rob: "Let's see how you like being bounced around space and time! Because let me tell you, it's neither entertaining nor convienent!"

Kyle: "We can't go on hating..."

Jim7: "Be careful! That's my Matching China Set of Time!"

Kyle: "We need to reconcile. What do you say, brother?"

*The floor is covered in a watery sheen as the Beer of Time seeps over it. Caught in the expanding puddle, Jim7, Kyle7 and Rob are transported to another time...*

------------------
Schism.

Krig the Viking

07-04-2003, 01:28 PM

*In Dr. Dor's closet lab of madness, a shadow-puppet battle is raging. Dr. Dor is giggling madly -- not a full-blow mad scientist laugh, but more of a not-quite-all-there giggle. All manner of dramatic events are occuring. Krig the Viking decides that this is the time, and stands up and prepares to speak.*

Krig: "Krig need go peepee. Krig go now."

*With that, Krig opens the door and strides away as only a midgetish Viking can.*

Dr. Dor: "Now where is my little garden gnome off to?"

Maeve: "He's going to the bathroom with -- oh, no!"

Dr. Dor: "What is it? What's wrong, girl?"

Maeve: "He's got the beer!"

*With a drunken leap, Maeve heads for the closet door. Unfortunately, since the little Viking closed the door on his way out, she slams into it rather violently, resulting in a nasty black eye.*

Maeve: "Owch."

Dr. Dor: "I say -- a black eye actually caused by running into a door! Remarkable!"

*Meanwhile, outside of Big Ben, a side door opens and Krig steps out, by this time hopping from foot to foot frantically. A surprised passer-by gets in his way and is subjected to a rather rude axe-smashing. He is sent flying into the Thames with a startled bleat and a wet splashing noise. Krig hops his way to a nearby bush, and soon tinkling sounds can be heard. Just then, a man with a camera slung over his shoulder comes by, and starts filming Krig. Krig frowns at him.*

Krig: "Go 'way. Krig busy."

Phil the former UGO driver and now a roving Cameraman of some kind for TLTTelevisionExec: "Sorry. Orders."

Krig: "Krig not go with watching. Watchy man leave before Krig not be happy no more."

Phil: "Sorry. I was told to film any and all NeS Heroes I might come across."

Krig: "Gggrrrrrrrrrrrgh...."

*The situation is getting tense, when a third party happens upon the scene. It's a London police officer, dressed in his bobby hat and whirling his little club thingy.*

Bobby: "I say, what's going on 'ere now?"

Krig: "Krig take leak. Watchy man film. Krig not like watchy man."

Bobby: "I say, I'm pretty sure that sort of thing's against the law, 'ere! I'm going to 'ave to take you two down to the lockup, I am!"

Phil: "Wait -- what he means to say is, um... uh..."

Bobby: "I'm truly sorry, but it's to the lockup you'll go, now, hup, left, right, left..."

Phil: "A coffee break! That's it, we're on a coffee break! Please don't arrest me! My boss won't like it!"

*The London Cop frowns at them. Star wipe to a dirty jail cell in Scotland Yard.*

Krig: "Watchy man not good at excuses."

Phil: "Oh, shut up."

Butch: "Hey, fancy meeting you here!..."

Oh no! Our beloved Viking is locked up in jail with Phil and their old pal Butch! What will become of them? And what will become of Sarn? Will he be eaten? What will he taste like? Stay tuned to find out!

*Outside of Big Ben. The side-door opens, and Maeve stumbles out.*

Maeve: "Krig? Kriggy old buddy? Where'd ya go? Please bring back your delicious, delicious beer? Hello?"

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

shade

07-07-2003, 08:41 AM

B.U.M.P! yeah! you heard me! B.U.M.P!
B.U.M.P! dang you, B.U.M.P!
just B.U.M.P already!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

Gebohq

07-07-2003, 11:41 AM

(NSP: I've wanted to do this for a while, and I still haven't gotten around to working up the story post I'd want, so you all will get this instead. Thanks to maevie for helping me out.)

Summer of '99
(sung to "Summer of '69")

I saw my first NeS thread
Started the ISB in time
Wrote it till my fingers bled
It was the summer of '99

Me and some other fools
Took a stand and we tried real hard
Galvy quit and Ares got real bored
I really thought we'd never get far

Oh when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Ya - I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life

Ain't no use in complainin'
When you got a job to do
Spent my evenin's rewriting my posts
And that's when I met you

Going by some silly nick
You told me that you'd write forever
Oh and when you hit submit
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

Back in the summer of '99

Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no?

And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone
Sometimes when I write that NeS thread
I think about ya wonder what went wrong

Going by that silly nick
You told me it would last forever
Oh the way you hit submit
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

Back in the summer of '99

------------------
Check out the following stories over at the Interactive Story Board:
The Never-ending Story Thread (http://forums.massassi.net/html/Forum7/HTML/000032.html) or visit the new webcomic version (http://nesi.keenspace.com)!
The Vision Cycle series (http://forums.massassi.net/html/Forum7/HTML/000210.html)
Featured Story: Image-native Kicks (http://forums.massassi.net/html/Forum7/HTML/000449.html)

Quest into new worlds or question the deep parts (and not so deep parts) of life at Merlin's Citadel (http://pub4.ezboard.com/bmerlinscitadel)!

The MAZZTer

07-09-2003, 08:00 AM

* MZZT the Hero wakes up with a groan. *

[Hero] MZZT: Uggh... Where am I? The last thing I can remember is being in that horrid jail cell... with Kirg... and these weird Kirbys lifting the roof off... geez, I think TLTE slipped some weird stuff into the food...

* MZZT looks around. He is in a dumpster in an alley in London, aparantly deposited by some one. In his hand is a letter that reads: *

OMQ HAI... THIS IS FROM TEH GOOD KIRBIES.

YOU IDLED TOO LONG AND DIDN'T POST FOR TWO PAGES, SO WE DECIDED TO DUMP YOU. WE HOPE YOU HARBOR NO ILL FEELINGS TOWARD US...

SIGNED, TEH GOOD KIRBIES!!!

[Hero] MZZT: *Grumble*, I'll bet...

* Hero MZZT looks up and sees the HoH and Big Ben, so he hops out of the dumpster and trudges toward it. *

Later, at the HoH, in the Game Room...

* Geb pokes his head in to find MZZT playing Super Smash Brothers on the N64. *

[Hero] Geb: What'cha doing, Mega?

[Hero] MZZT: Just letting off a little steam...

* Geb sees MZZT playing as Pikachu, against 3 computer Kirbys. *

[Hero] Geb: Hey! That's kinda like what I did... Wait, huh? I thought Kirby was your favorite character.

[Hero] MZZT: Well, he WAS...

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.coolfreepage.com/) - Under Construction

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited July 09, 2003).]

Big_Fry

07-10-2003, 07:38 AM

Big "The" Fry, the Not-hero, falls through the roof.

Big: Hey, is that Super Smash Bros?? Oh man, I can't get enough it. Who's up for a little 3 on 1?

MZZT: Where did you come from?

Big: The shrink... it doesn't seem to be working, though.

Geb: Mega! You're getting pummeled by Samus... pay attention.

Big *takes a whiff* Yow! Geez, has somebody been hanging in a dumpster reading letters from pink marshmallows or what!?
*shrugs and walks out the door, continuing on his quest for the Holy Mail.

------------------
"There are three kinds of men: Those who learn by reading, the few who learn by observing, and then there's those guys that just have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."

The MAZZTer

07-10-2003, 07:10 PM

[Hero] MZZT: What are you talking about?!? I took a shower!

TV: GAMESET!

[Hero] MZZT: ... @#$%.

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.coolfreepage.com/) - Under Construction

Gebohq

07-13-2003, 09:38 AM

One might ask about the Legion of Spooky, and why they have been so quiet--

random audience member: Not really.

Well that's your loss, because it just HAPPENS to be that the villians within are some of the most dangerous foes known to our heroes.

random audience member: Some danger they are! Have they done anything within the last ten pages?

Look, just work with it, OK? They're bound to be up to something. So deep within the Legion of Spooky, built upon the very grounds of the Arena™...

Darkside: WRAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Gettleburger's keyboarding teacher: Oh give it a rest already!

Darkside: It has been too long since we have feasted on mortal souls! Master Gates! What new plot are we to execute?

Bill Gates: Keeping Microsoft running in the market. I have a business to run, you know.

Darkside: Hmm... Norman!

The First Fake Evil: I told you not to call me that!

Darkside: You had promised us victory over the heroes of NeS for bringing you back from the certain hell you were in since your last failure. You must have a plot in action, yes?

TFFE: Uh... no.

Darkside: Isn't ANYONE plotting some evil? Burby? Farr? Shadowlord? "They?" TotallyEvil?

*Each villian looked equally at a loss for evil plots.*

RAM: See? They're nobodies now. The NeS are dealing with real threats like financial issues, getting in trouble with the government, and each other.

Hush you. Back at the Legion of Spooky...

Morris the Cat: I'm hungry! Somebody feed me.

Darkside: As are we. Hungry for the death of those infernal heroes--

Morris the Cat: You talk too much. Get food now!

Darkside: Grrr... *grumble*

*Darkside floats to a nearby refridgerator and gets out a vat of Jell-o, which he places down for Morris to eat.*

Darkside: If only we could find a way to defeat them...

Morris: *while eating Jell-o* If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Darkside: Don't be stupid! Joining them... wait... YES! They'd never expect it! Good kitty!

*Darkside pats Morris on the head*

Morris: Don't touch me.

Darkside: I'll have to discuss this with the others, call up The Last True Television Executive, bake some pumpkin pie...

What's this? An EVIL plot brewing? Could it be?

RAM: Bah. It'll never catch on. I'll bet you anything that the next two pages continue around playing Super Smash Bros.

Wanna bet? Come on! Put a dollar down! I dare you!

RAM: I'll pay a HUNDRED, but you got to prance around in a tu-tu if I'm right.

Deal! You're going to lose SO bad! I'm the Narrator! I'll make SURE this evil plot not only gets off the ground, but it'll become one of the biggest events in NeS, EVER!

RAM: Uh-huh. We'll see.

So stick around to find out what'll happen in the next installment of the Never-ending Story Thread!

Big_Fry

07-14-2003, 05:27 AM

Big, while walking outside the building, suddenly perks up at a familiar scent.

Big: *sniff sniff* Hmm... I know that smell. It's that... that smelly smell... that smells... smelly.

*ponders*

A-ha! I have come to the conclusion that it is the scent of evil being plotted! Or perhaps pumpkin pie... *gasp* ... or maybe even both! I've got to warn the others!

Homeless Man: What are you talking about? you don't know any "others".

Big: Oh, yes that's true. Well, then I suppose I must find some others, or seek the evil out myself. There is only one place that is so vile and dank that evil plans AND pumpkin pie can be concocted at the same time... the Legion of Spooky!

Homeless Man #2: What are you talking about? Darkside and the others would slaughter you.

Big: What-

Homeless Man #1: Oh, good show, Homeless Man #2.

Big: But I-

Homeless Man #2: Why thank you, Homeless Man #1. It was quite a good come-back now wasn't it?

Big: Grrr...

Big draws his yellow lightsaber and minces the homeless men.

Big: Now, to find the Legion of Spooky... I may not know, but my heart will guide me to my destiny...

Big spins around on his toes with his eyes shut, pointing outwards with his hand. Stopping, he opens his eyes and finds his hand pointing directly at a nearby door.

Big: A-ha! My destiny lies beyond the door!

Big leaps at the door and turns the knob. At first he pushes a little, but the door does not open. Pushing as hard as he can, he cannot budge the door.

Big: Alas! My own destiny is denied to me.

Homeless Man #3: Try pulling.

Big: *pulls open the door* Shut up. *walks in*

MZZT: *turns his head* Hiya, Big.

TV: GAMESET!

MZZT: @#$&.

Big: &$#@!

------------------
"There are three kinds of men: Those who learn by reading, the few who learn by observing, and then there's those guys that just have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."

DrkJedi82

07-14-2003, 08:55 PM

*meanwhile back at Jim7's secret evil base*

Jim7: Rob put down the shotgun of time!!

Rob: No you hurt me!!

Jim7: Well the pillow of time was lost at the airport and I only had the baseball bat and if you and the past you met then the NeS would be erased from existence... or swallowed by a plothole within a plothole.

Rob: Big deal!

Jim7: No if that happened the hurting would have been even worse than the baseball bat of time.

Rob: Oh, OK...

KK7: Hey, remember me?

Jim7: Yes I do... now go away... I am no longer interested in killing you.

KK7: ???

Jim7: Tony see that Kyle makes it to his car.

Tony escorts Kyle out of the room

Jim7: Now Rob I need you to do something for me.

Rob: What? Will it hurt?

Jim7: Not if you don't screw up.

Rob: ok...

Jim7: I need you to deliver a letter to the Legion of Spooky.

Jim7 writes letter.

Hey Darkside you owe me $5 pay me before Friday or I will have to send one of my boys to collect the money or to deflate your tires if you know what I mean.

Rob: Where is the Legion of Spooky?

Jim7: Follow the smell of pumpkin pie.

Rob leaves

WILL JIM7 GET THE $5 DARKSIDE OWES HIM? WILL ROB EXPERIENCE MORE HURTING? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON THE SOPRANOS!!! (please don't sue us)

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Big_Fry

07-15-2003, 05:09 AM

Big the Fry exists the HoH, and immediately smells the dank scent of evil pumpkin pie.

Big: I'll follow my nose, wherever I go. Orange, lemon, cherry... *shakes his head Gah! This smell of pie is making me woozy and strange. I must keep my head about my mission!

Big follows the smell all the way to Union Station, which has appeared in London of its own free will and for the sake of the story.
Suddenly, a nearby telephone booth starts to ring... (cue x-files theme) Big immediately realizes the importance of this "call" so he picks up the reciever and is sucked out of the Matrix.

Neo: Hey!!! That call was for me! *bangs his fist on the glass, and is then riddled full of holes by Agent Smith.

***

Once on Xion, Big picks up the pumpkin pie scent even stronger... he follows the scent all the way to a [i]very conspicuous looking Matrix plug. Plugging himself in, he is rushed back into the Matrix and he finds himself on a path directly outside of someone's secret hideout, easily smelling the pumpkin pie.

Big: Could this be it? *runs his hand over the door, sniffing the air* No, it couldn't... I smell pumpkin pie strong here, but the evil-plot-smell is still as vacant and faint as it has been since I started my quest.

All of a sudden, four Dark Jedi Ninja Samurai Swordsmen jump out of nowhere, and, lightsabers drawn, they begin attacking Big!!!!

DJNSS #1: Banzai!! Place your bets!! You rubbish!!

DJNSS #2: Let me shake your hand.

DJNSS #3: Aaa hahahahaha!!!

DJNSS #4: How did your movie career take off? *cold, hard staring*

Big stares dumbfounded at them, lightsaber drawn. All of a sudden... POOF! The dark jedi ninja samurai swordsmen are gone, and in their place are the cast from "Banzai", TV's quirkiest game show! Aaand in order from DJNSS #1-4, they are: Mr. Banzai, Mr. Shake Hands Man, Chippy Chappy, and Lady One Question.

Big: Ummm... do you guys smell pumpkin pie?

Mr. Banzai: Ohh yes! A little moon will show the stride when it makes the midnight tide...

Mr. Shake Hands Man: Find the route to take the boot; the other you take is not a mistake...

Chippy Chappy: Select a berry for the chewing, the wrong one will be your undoing.

Lady One Question: How did your movie career take off? *cold hard staring

Big: I-I don't have a movie career.

Lady One Question *throws hands up in the air in submission* Well, that is it. He's the wrong guy!

Mr. Shake Hands Man: Oops! Hehe, just forget everything we said, okay? We were looking for some actor who was delivering a letter to Darkside. My apologies.

Rob: *from backstage* I'm not an actor.

The Banzai cast stares strangely at him, then all of a sudden POOF! They were removed from the plot.
But what they had told Big was still in his brain. he now knew how to get to the Legion of Spooky!

------------------
"There are three kinds of men: Those who learn by reading, the few who learn by observing, and then there's those guys that just have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."

shade

07-16-2003, 08:23 AM

...and the clouds parted, and a massive hand came down out of the heavens, and one single finger stretched out, spearing downwards towards the NeS complex, and with a B.U.M.P! that shook the very foundations, the writers were awakened to fill the internet with the random babbling and rantings of insanity that so many had come to know as...NeS.

thank you, thank you very much. I may actually make some sort of semi-interesting post soon...maybe. for now, I shall squander my literary skills on that most hallowed of traditions.

B.U.M.P! yea, for though I walk through the valley of Writer's Blocks, I will not fear, for I have...B.U.M.P!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

Gebohq

07-16-2003, 06:04 PM

(NSP: An issue concerning this thread. Please reply via neswriters@hotmail.com and NOT through a post on the thread. Thank you.

I originally posted this question to the other forum administrators and moderators:

I was curious as to know if anyone knew the page limit of a thread. That is, how many pages can a thread handle before the UBB system goes whack. I remember the original Word Association thread did so to the Disc. Board, right?

I ask because, as NeS is currently on its 46th page, and the thread has had a rather steady increase of about 12 pages a year (meaning it should be on page 48 by August, and page 72 two years after). While not quite the most immediate of worries, I'd rather not have it causing un-needed trouble. This is, of course, assuming we don't switch to another forum system beforehand.

And Kedri was kind enough to reply with this:

I'm not aware of a specific number, but I'm aware that a certain thread was in excess of 3500 posts when the board started freaking out. The trouble, I believe, is that the UBB literally re-writes the file every time the thread is updated, so the freaking out has more to do with activity than volume.
The best thing to do is perhaps wait till it hits 50 pages or something, then consider closing it and making a new thread with the last post being the first of the new one, or maybe simply a link to the original thread.

The one certainty is that, should the thread freak out, there is a true risk that the information in the thread will be irrevocably lost.

Forunately, I've been saving the pages anyway, but I wanted the input of all you writers (and readers) about what page number you feel this should be stopped and continued into a new thread, or if you had any other thoughts. This does not mean NeS will end at all. Again, please e-mail the responses at neswriters@hotmail.com and NOT via a post on this thread.)

Between A.T.L.O. and C.V.N.Q., there is an acronym. An acronym that never quits. Call 02.21.13.16.!! and it shall answer. It can be seen when the drive is slow on the road to something yet unseen. It is good though. It lifts the spirit up at the most unexpected times. It moves one to continue forth for reasons unknown. It is a sign of things to come.

It is the B.U.M.P.!

RAM: This phone number is bogus! There aren't any exclamation marks to dial!

...*ahem* The random audience member is suddenly struck down by a giant ice comet.

RAM: What?

shade

07-17-2003, 09:00 AM

hmm...italics, smiting of RAM's...ARG! Geb has out B.U.M.P'ed me! must plan my counter-B.U.M.P!
grr! fear my B.U.M.P! wraa!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

The MAZZTer

07-17-2003, 10:38 AM

[Hero] MZZT finally stops playing SSB.

MZZT: I sence something... I sence... pie... pumpkin pie!

MZZT stands up and begins walking toward the HoH elevator as he ponders the pie.

MZZT: *stops suddenly* It is surely a sign of great evil! I must warn the others! *turns to his right*

MZZT places a piece of paper on the HoH bulletin board and scribbles on it.

MZZT: *nods* That will do. *continues walking*

MZZT gets into the HoH elevator and takes it down into the basement garage. He hops into a Sygnus Missile Boat, equipped with four laser cannons, two ion cannons, 16 concussion missles, a tractor beam system, and an afterburner system!

MZZT: Woohoo!

MZZT takes off and goes through the garage door.

MZZT: Bah, I keep forgetting to open it. Oh well.

MZZT speeds off to find the source of the evil pumpkin pies.

(Author's note: I have more to post, but I can't right now, I'll post the rest a little later.)

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.coolfreepage.com/) - Under Construction

The MAZZTer

07-17-2003, 12:28 PM

(Author's Note: Geb, we can always pester Pommy and ubuu and whoever else to finish Z2, the new forums thing. http://forums.massassi.net/html/tongue.gif)

When we last left [Hero] MZZT... aw, darn it! Just read it for yourself, will 'ya? http://forums.massassi.net/html/tongue.gif

MZZT: Wow, I haven't flown one of these things in a while... *sideswipes a lightpost* Ooh! Sorry! ...

MZZT: Hmmm... as I get closer to the Arena... I feel the presence of the Pies... it is growing stronger. I do not like pumpkins. I do not like pies. It's impossible... who could be baking pumpkin pies in the Arena? It's been closed down for [p]ages!

MZZT finally reaches the Arena(TM). Did I mention it was night-time? Of course I didn't, it was supposed to be a surprise. http://forums.massassi.net/html/tongue.gif Er ok, it's night-time, and the Arena is completely dark and silent. But it still smells like pumpkin pie.

MZZT: Alright, time to go in...

MZZT dismounts his Missle Boat and enters the Arena. He gapes in awe at the stadium appearance, and remembers reading about the brave heroes before him who had fought in this place... Gebohq, Galvatron, Ares...

DarkSide: Hey! You! What're YOU doing here.

MZZT: *Sees about 100 villians* Carp... maybe I shouldn't have daydreamed...

DarkSide: We have you now! Take THIS!!!!

DarkSide brings out a well conceiled |>|_||\/||>|<1|\| |>13 0|= |)00|\/| (|2)!!!!111 and throws it at MZZT.

MZZT: *Slow motion, dreamylike* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo.... *tries to dodge*

The pie goes SPLAT right on MZZT's face.

DarkSide: MUHAHAHAHAH!!! YES!!!! FINALLY!!! I have defeated one of the so-called heroes!! A JEDI hero no less! Soon I will have Gebohq lying at my feet, BEGGING not to be pied! But will I show mercy? NOOOO--

MZZT: Bah. I hate pie. *Pulls the pie pan off his face the begins trying to get the mess off his face*

DarkSide: WHA?!?! That pie contained my patent-pending Pretty Inventive Execution GAS!!! You should be dead!!!

MZZT: Well as you can see I'm NOT. Now gimme a napkin!!!

DarkSide: Er... *hands MZZT a napkin.*

Morris the Cat: DarkSide! I wanted a PIEGAS-less pie!

DarkSide: I gave you one!

Morris the Cat: Yeah, the WRONG one! You're lucky I have a strong stomach! *farts* Erm 'scuse me. That GAS is potent.

DarkSide: ... Oh... *looks back at MZZT* oops.

MZZT: Ha! *Uses Force Teleport and disappears with a neat little "Ping!"*

DarkSide: Bah... nothing to fear though... so the heroes will know about my little pies... they will suspect nothing... then we will side with them and try to kill them at the same time and make them totally confused!!! MUAHAHHAHAH!!!

Outside...

MZZT appears with a little "Pong!"

MZZT: I know my fellow heroes soon enough... they'll get here... but in the meantime I think I'll hide and thus give the other heroes a trump card to play...

MZZT climbs into his Missle Boat. He quickly manuevers it up to the top of the dome-shaped arena and hides it in the shadow of the statue of Gebohq that had been recently built on top of it for the Arena's planned renovation. MZZT climbs out and sits on the statue's sneaker.

MZZT: When you try to spring a trap DarkSide, I'll be waiting...

(Author's note: Don't do anything with my char please, I want him to do something cool when the time is right... I'll let the other writers write about the Arena until then--what? No, of course I'm not lazy! http://forums.massassi.net/html/tongue.gif)

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.coolfreepage.com/) - Under Construction

Tracer

07-18-2003, 12:26 AM

Gebohq: "Eighty-Thousand dollars?!"

Police Clerk: "Pounds."

MaybeChild: "We'll pay."

*It seems that Geb, Maybe and the gang have come to bust their fellows out of jail, NeS style.*

Gebohq: "But we're good guys. We're on your team."

Police Clerk: "Excuse me?"

Gebohq: "Yeah, we're heroes too. We fight crime."

Police Clerk: "Sir, are you trying to bribe me?"

Gebohq: "I don't know. Are you trying to be bribed?"

*MaybeChild puts away her pen and hands over a cheque for 80,000 pounds.*

MaybeChild: "There."

Police Clerk: "Very well. Their court date is in a week."

*Maybe and Geb sit down on a bench as they wait for the heroic prisoners to be released.*

Gebohq: "You know, I'm getting tired of all this..."

MaybeChild: "Cleaning up after other people?"

Gebohq: "The hustle and the bustle; constantly rushing around, only to hand over all of our money."

MaybeChild: "Look, it's them."

*Krig, Phil and Butch are escorted into the reception area by a detective.*

Detective: "Here they are, then."

Gebohq: "We should be taking the money, not doling it out to some second-rate corporate lackey..."

MaybeChild: "Uh, we only want Krig. You can keep the other two."

Detective: "Party of three to be released on bail, court date pending. Those are the orders, missy."

Gebohq: "A wild and unruly group of vagabonds, dispensing swashbuckling justice as we see fit!"

MaybeChild: (sigh) "Fine, we'll take all of them. Let's go."

Phil: "Oh, my incarceration is finally over! I'll never infringe upon a local bylaw again!"

*Phil falls to his knees and begins to happily kiss the ground.*

Butch: "Just admit you lost, punk. Because you won't like it if I have to sort you out."

*Butch cracks his knuckles for emphasis.*

Gebohq: "Answerable to no man! Always on the run, but never afraid to stand and fight!"

MaybeChild: "Okay, what's the problem now?"

Krig: "Big man cheat at hopscotch."

Butch: "I was on the line!"

Phil: (between smooches)"Sweet, sweet freedom!"

*MaybeChild rubs her forehead; a headache is forming.*

MaybeChild: "For God's sake, can't we just go home?"

Gebohq: "Yes, that's right! It's a pirate's life for me!"

*Everybody stops and looks at Geb.*

Butch: "Pardon?"

Gebohq: (a capella)

I've travelled across the globe,
Seen all there is to see.
Fought in many battles,
Made a hero out of me.

But in all my far-flung journies,
there's nowhere I'd rather be;
My one and only occupation,
It's a pirate's life for me.

MaybeChild: "Geb. What are you talking about?"

Gebohq: (with music/ a tempo)

Oh, it's a pirate's life for me!
Sailing for loot on the deep blue sea
Searching for adventure,
Pillaging for treasure,
It's a pirate's life for me!

*Geb leaps up on to the Police Clerk's desk*

Gebohq:

I am a grotty captain,
with a parrot mounted fast.
Hero of naval battles,
I command the cannons' blast!

Approach me with great caution,
'cause I'll throw you overboard!
Or tell you tales of my wooden leg,
to protect my treasure hoard

Krig:

Krig a mighty pirate,
cruising through deep fog.
Not want to be a Viking,
Pirates make own grog!

Not care to combat evil,
it time to choose own gig.
Without a doubt, much fun in boat,
It a Pirate's life for Krig!

*Krig hefts a tankard of grog in the air as Ford prances into Scotland Yard.*

Ford:

Dancing on the foredeck,
in my fancy pantaloons.
Engarde ye filthy, scurvy dogs,
and anti-pirate goons!

I come for the adventure,
wooden legs and parrots for all!
pearched upon the crows-nest,
having many a close call!

*Through the music, Maybe calls to the detective.*

MaybeChild: "Can't you do something about this?"

Detective: "Well, I suppose madam. If you insist."
(sung)
The policeman's life is drab and dull,
filled with rotten chores.
Not for me, I dare say!
Shall we flee from the shores?

I long to smell the fresh sea air,
feel the sun upon my skin.
A rakish bunch of sea corsairs!
Let me pull the rigging in!

Gebohq:

Yes, it's a pirate's life for me!
Sailing for loot on the deep blue sea
Searching for adventure,
Pillaging for treasure,
It's a pirate's life for me!

You can count your gold!

Detective:

You can rot in the hold!

Janitor Bob:

You can swab the deck!

Krig:

And a grog! And a grog!

Ford:

You can frolick as you please!

Gonkm249:

Gonk.

Gebohq:

It's a pirate's life -

All:

It's a pirate's life -

All & Geb:

It's a pirate's life for me!

*Just as the last note fades away, Butch runs in and plays the outro on his flute.*

------------------
Schism.

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited July 18, 2003).]

Tracer

07-18-2003, 12:32 AM

(NSP: I get the feeling I've heard that song before...anybody recognize it?)

Geb's response: Pirates of the Carribean! Nothing like a good NeS musical interlude... http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

------------------
Schism.

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited July 18, 2003).]

Big_Fry

07-18-2003, 04:56 AM

And the heroes left the movie theatre, and there was much rejoicing...

------------------
"There are three kinds of men: Those who learn by reading, the few who learn by observing, and then there's those guys that just have to pee on the electric fence for themselves."

[This message has been edited by Big_Fry (edited July 18, 2003).]

Krig the Viking

07-18-2003, 02:24 PM

*Back at the Hall of Heroes, Lt. Randy wanders past the bulletien board, glancing at it as he does.*

Lt. Randy: "Holy Guacamole! Wow! That's a pretty important announcement!"

Galvatron (walking by): "What is?"

Lt. Randy: "Here! Look at this note on the board!"

Galvatron: "Where?"

Lt. Randy: "Right there!"

Galvatron: "Oh! I see it! Wow, why didn't I see that before?"

Lt. Randy: "Free cookies and kool-aid at the local London Krazy Dayz celebration! Let's go!"

The two heroes rush off to downtown London for free cookies and kool-aid, leaving MZZT's dire warning of doom hanging unnoticed and ignored upon the board. Whatever will happen now? Is there really free cookies and juice? I don't know about you, but I'm going to find out!

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

DrkJedi82

07-18-2003, 08:04 PM

*back at the HoH again... Jim7 walks in*

Jim7: darn everyone is gone...

Jim7 sits a box on the floor with a sign that says "do not open"

Jim7: now let's see if my theory about their intelligence is correct...

JIM7 IN THE HALL OF HEROES? WHAT WAS IN THE BOX? ARE OUR HEROES DUMB ENOUGH TO OPEN THE BOX? (don't answer that) FIND OUT ON THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE!!!

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

shade

07-20-2003, 07:03 PM

stepping out of the restroom to the ivory accompaniment of flushing, Galrek looks around confusedly.
"who's making Pumpkin Pie?"
Maeve:"I dunno."
Galrek:"second question...where'd everybody go? did they finally defeat the kirbies?"
Maeve:"what kirbies? all I know is that first krig runs off with all the beer, then everyone goes off to post his bail. there's no beer left anywhere!"
Galrek stops in his purposeless wandering across the room and staggers.
"no beer? none at all? NO! I was thirsty! I finally decide on what to drink after 10 years and there is no beer left?! that shall not be!"
Maeve:"no beer...I've looked thoroughly, but what's worse is, I'm starting to become sober. I don't think I'm fit to drive out and get more beer at thi-"
Maeve is interrupted as Galrek's brow furroughs and a loud crash is hear outside. the two hurry outside to see a beer truck folded around a lightpole, the driver running off screaming as flames lick the hood.
Galrek:"what an interesting um...coincidence...we need beer, and that beer will explode if we don't remove it from the truck. we should save the beer."
running out, maeve and Galrek unload the truck and return inside, where they quickly get themselves thoroughly smashed.
Maeve:"I wunner how that beer tuck crasheded..."
Galrek smiles and peers owlishly at Maeve, then with a bit of effort, manages to slur out a sentence or two.
"I kin make coinci...coinci...I kin make it so things that just haben to haben, haben toooo meee. uzefulll...no?"
smiling drunkenly, Galrek slumps over to the side and makes a pass for the nearest full beer bottle, which happens to be sitting in maeve's lap. unable to see clearly, and with the overall coordination of a man, he misses.
"oopz...zorrie.."

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

Tracer

07-20-2003, 10:32 PM

*In the Hall of Heroes...*

Otter: "I say we open it. It's a clear-cut case of reverse psychology."

CookedHaggis: "Now look here, man -"

Otter: "A clear-cut case, I tell you!"

CookedHaggis: "Will you let me finish?"

Otter: "Objection!"

CookedHaggis: "What is the problem with you?"

Otter: "I want to relive my old courtroom days. It's a lawyer's life for me."

CookedHaggis: "I'm fairly certain you've never been to law school."

Otter: (sung) You can poll the jury! You can raise a fury!"

CookedHaggis: "You obviously have no interest in what I've got to say. Therefore, I shall take up our discussion with Kyle."

Otter: "Go ahead. I'm off to the courthouse!"

*Otter leaves, and Haggis begins speaking to a sullen Kyle7.*

CookedHaggis: "Right then. Now, the box has been marked "do not open", which is clearly intended to manipulate us into opening the box, and unleashing whatever destructive forces are contained within. You see, whoever placed the box in it's current position knew precisely how certain gullible members of our ragtag organization would react to a given set of orders - knew that they would feel an unnatural compulsion to do the opposite of what they were told."

Kyle: "I just found my long-lost brother, only to have him disown me. Do you really think I care about some box you found?"

CookedHaggis: "...Ergo, the box should not be opened. Oh, buck up, chap - there are greater things in life than family. Mystery boxes, for example..."

Kyle: "Interesting as you box explanation is, I could really use someone to talk to right now. Would you take the time to listen to my story?"

CookedHaggis: "Is it about boxes?"

*Suddenly, Sarn_Cadrill comes running into the HoH.*

Sarn: "Hey guys, you won't believe the adventure I just had! There was a princess, and some kind of monster that tried to eat me or something, and before that I had to deal with these obnoxious kids - hey, is that a box?"

*To the horror of CookedHaggis, Sarn grabs the box and tears open its flaps. Naturally, a devestating explosion is released.*

CookedHaggis: "My God! Is everyone alright?"

Kyle: (coughing) "I'll be okay...and thanks for caring."

*The entire room is heavily charred, as are the heroes. Kyle approaches Sarn's comatose body and tentatively prods it with his foot as Maybe arrives with the whole pirate crew.*

Gebohq: "It's a pirate's life for - sweet God, what have you people done?"

CookedHaggis: "Some wise character decided to leave us with a booby-trapped box."

MaybeChild: "Is Sarn alright?"

Kyle: (shakes head) "He's dead, Jim - er, Sran. Sarn. MaybeChild. "

Butch: "I'll summon medical assistance!"

*Butch rushes to a nearby telephone, and dials the British equivalent of 911. The heroes wait in trepidition as the wailing sirens of the speeding emergency vechiles get louder...*

------------------
Schism.

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited July 20, 2003).]

DrkJedi82

07-21-2003, 03:17 PM

just then Jim7 walks in...

Jim7: he's not hurt the explosion was actually kinda half-fake

everyone: HUH?

Jim7: it just shoots out somke smoke make a loud bang noise and gasses the person who opened it... he will wake up in a few hours

CH: but why?

Jim7: It was a test... you failed...

just then Yoda walks in

Yoda: Ready you are not

Jim7: GO AWAY!!!

Jim7 kicks Yoda out the window.

Yoda: while flying out the window Hurt Yoda you did

Jim7: I hate when he talks like that...

Jim7 leaves

Geb: Yeah that Yoda guy does talk funny... wait a minute... did he just say we failed his test?

Maybe: yes...

Geb: ok... I was never good at tests anyway...

WILL... AHH SCREW IT

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

maevie

07-22-2003, 05:47 PM

maeve and Galrek, who have slept through this whole box-explodey business, slowly come out of their drunken slumber.

Maeve: ow...head. I feel like I' been drun ever sssince I met you people

RAM: uh...you have

Maeve: wha on earf wazzat????

another RAM: random audience member

Maeve: rannum..au..I don' wanna know. k, 'nough of thisss hangover

maeve slowly gets up, standing stiff and straight. there is a low noise reminiscent of the sound custard makes as it flows through one's oesophagus. maeve blinks, then goes about straightening herself up, removing the various objects that have become embedded in her hair.

Maeve: aah, much better. ok, so what's going on guys? am I part of the team now?

Geb: uuh..what just happened?

Maeve: I sobered up. I've gotten pretty good at it over the years

Geb: ok then. so, you want to be a hero do you?

Maeve: ah, is that what you guys do? I was starting to wonder

Geb: what do you mean? I think it's perfectly obvious what we do, we are the greatest heroes in all the land!

Maeve: I'll uh..take your word for it

Geb: you think you could do better?

Maeve: well, it seems to me that the only reason any of you are still here is that you have astonisingly good luck

Geb: good luck??! we're constantly having our lives threatened! risking life and limb to save the world and NeS from total destruction!

Maeve: uh huh...

Geb: grrrr

Maeve: ok ok, whatever. look, I was perfectly happy as I was, I was going to get my degree in socialising and go on to be a party organiser. that all came to an end when I got locked up for almost a decade and lost contact with everyone I know and love. if you guys don't adopt me... I'm stranded, I have no idea where I am or what's going on *sniff*

Geb: um...oh...crap. uh...don't cry...

Maeve: so I can stay with you guys? learn to be a hero?

Geb: yeah, sure. just no more crying, k?

Maeve: *showing absolutely no signs of ever beign upset* sure! so, what's on the hero to-do list for today?

Geb: well, it's not usually that organised, we just take things as they c-

of course, it is at this moment that the rumbling begins. the ground starts to shake, and everyone looks around in fear. Gebohq is gathering his strength to geb it, when the floor suddenly caves in, and everyone lands in a huge heap on the floor below. as everyone composes themselves and looks around to see if they've lost any limbs, the rumbling starts up again. this time Geb spares no time composing himself, and disappears in a flash of rubbley-dust.

Maeve: he's um, quite a hero

will Maeve become a true Hero? will she ever have the speed and cowardice of the great and wonderful Gebohq? what exactly is making everything rumble? hopefully someone will be along soon to answer your queries, if you get tired of waiting, please fill out a complaint form and send it to ... uh ... someone

------------------
Never argue with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

[This message has been edited by mavispoo (edited July 22, 2003).]

DrkJedi82

07-22-2003, 06:00 PM

deep inside the cold dark depths of the fridge in the kitchen of the HoH a bottle filled with yellow liquid appears in a flash of green light... on the bottle is a label that says "Urine: Do Not Drink".

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

The MAZZTer

07-22-2003, 06:20 PM

(NSP: My second attempt to post... the forums no longer like me :* The first post was entirely different from this... and you'll never know how it went buahahhaha)

MZZT the Hero gets tired of waiting on top of Teh Legion of Sp00kay.

MZZT: Dang it, I'm getting tired of waiting on top of Teh Legion of Sp00kay... hey, did I just hear an echo? Oh well..

MZZT gets in his Missile Boat and fires his afterburners, taking off quickly and heading toward the HoH. As MZZT flies away, a loud crash is heard from Teh Legion of Sp00kay.

MZZT: Oops... *Looks back* Geb's not gonna like this...

Yes, the statue of Geb which had sat on top of Teh Legend of Sp00kay toppled.

DarkSide: *From within Teh Legion of Sp00kay.* It's about time that demolitionist got here! I HATED that statue...

Back at the HoH

MZZT emerges from the elevator and sees a non-hero in the HoH.

Butch: Uh, can I help you sir?

MZZT: AUGH!!! What are YOU doing here, the script says Geb and the other heroes were supposed to dump you an hour ago!

Butch: Well, uh, I thought I'd tag along and help them since they paid my bail and... Hey! I don't have to take this from you punk!

INSANE IRC CAMERA VIEW ACTIVATED

ChanServ sets mode: +h Butch

MZZT was kicked by Butch (Butch)

Butch: That'll teach him.

MZZT has joined #nes

Butch: Back for more, punk?

ChanServ sets mode: +oq MZZT

Butch: Uh... oops...

MZZT sets mode: +b Butch!butch@nowhere.com

Butch: Er... sorry?

Butch was kicked by MZZT (Welcome to my world.)

INSANE IRC CAMERA VIEW DEACTIVATED

MZZT is holding a cracked 2-by-4 and is looking at a broken window.

MZZT: *Grinning* Have a nice day.

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.coolfreepage.com/) - Under Construction

Ford

07-22-2003, 07:07 PM

Back in the broom closet now serving as Dr. Dor's laboratory, Dr. Dor continues to giggle at the fight between the shadow puppets.

The bookwormish puppet seemed to get the upper hand, repeatedly smashing the drunken puppet over the head with its book. however, this only heartens the stuporous shadow's anger. giving a silent bellow of rage, it smashes its b33r bottle and stabs the bookish one repeatedly, until it slumps in a pool of of its own shadow essense.

Ford awakes with a start.

Ford: Wstfgl!? where'd my b33r go!?! You took it, didnt you, Mr. I-look-really-smart-in-my-nifty-labcoat!

Dr.D: *looks down admiringly* It is rather fetching isnt it?

just then, AmyGreen comes through the door.

Amy: Gahh! what're you lot doing in the bathroom!

Dr.D: Dear, the sign clearly says "Laboratory", not "Lavratory".

Amy: Oh...well in that case, hello!

Ford: Riight.

a loud rumbling begins, shaking the floor. one of Dr.D's plushiebats falls on his head, winking out of existance with a small *Blip*

Dr.D: Excellent idea, Myzo. now why didnt i think of that. now to find the.. *trails off mumbling incoherently*

Amy: Ford! i havent seen you in ages! you look like you've really grown up! *tracig a finger on Ford's shirt* what are all these symbols?

Ford: Need b33r!

Amy: I take that back...you havent changed a bit. *sneers with disgust*

Dr.D: *From the depths of a seemingly bottomless trunk* Aha! Here we are!

Dr. Dor comes back with something that resembles an inflatable hammer, only there are a few consoles and lots of buttons on it. he pushes a few of these, the whole thing glows for a moment, and returns to normal.

Dr.D: Perfect!

Dr. Dormouse, grinning like the cheshire cat cames at ford with the hammer thing, and whacks him across the face with a loud *FWUMP*

Ford: OW! Geeze Dor...i dont remember it hurting that much last time.

Dr.D: Time wounds all heals, my boy.

Ford: What?

Dr.D: It's irrelevent, buck. the point is you're back to your sober and oddly dressed self.

Amy: Wait...what?

Dr.D: well isnt it obvious? I simply used this Disembolishe..*Amy's eyes glaze over and nods appropriately* and we now have Ford back to his, ehrm, "normal" state.

Amy: i see...well arent you guys curious as to what that noise was?

Ford: i suppose so. you look a bit familiar...do i know you from somewhere?

Amy: Later, dear.

they open the door to reveal the the main room of the hall of heros, sitting happily in the basement.

Amy: Dear god!

its about time they got Ford back to normal. with all the beer the other Ford drank he was giving ME a hangover. well you know what the questions are. you've been asking them yourself. me, i've got to find some ibuprofen...*you hear the narrator fade out, singing softly to himself: "i am downright amazed, at what i can destroy with just a hammer"*

------------------
Democrats: Like Bill Clinton, we think with our genitals. Republicans: Like Richard Nixon, we don't bother thinking.

Gebohq

07-24-2003, 05:15 PM

Meanwhile, at the Krazy Dayz celebration...

Lt. Randy: MMmmmm...cookies and kool-aid.

Galv: Hey Randy, isn't that Darkside and the First Fake Evil over there?

Lt. Randy: Selling pies at a concession stand? Can't be... HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL! It is them!

Galvatron and Lt. Randy quickly switch to "hero mode" and dash over to the concession stand.

Lt. Randy: Hold it right there! You must be crazy to think you can get away with this!

Darkside: Oh we are crazy... for selling pumpkin pies at such INSANELY LOW PRICES!

Galv: I know you're out to harvest souls or something. Randy, check the pies for poison!

Randy: What the-- ME? But I could die! Why don't you?

Galv: *to Randy* You're making us look bad...

Grudgingly, Randy swipes a pie and eyes the pie suspiciously before nibbling on a piece. His suspicion soon turned into delight as he wharfed down the rest of the pie.

TFFE: See? No evil plans. Just trying to sell some pie.

Lt. Randy suddenly starts choking. Galvatron looks over with some worry.

Lt. Randy: *ack*... wrong... way down... throat... *cough*

TFFE: You should eat slower next time.

Darkside: Perhaps we could stop by over to the Hall of Heroes. Make amends, and bring free pie as a peace offering.

Galv: I dunno... this might be an evil plot of yours.

Randy: The guys back at the HoH could use some food, as we're kind of low. And this pie is **** good.

Galv: If they do cause trouble, it's not like we couldn't stop them anyway.

Darkside: Excellent.

Darkside and TFEE smile broadly.

Lt. Randy: Uh....please don't do that. Your grin injects the fear of Hell into me, and you *to TFFE* ...you need to brush your teeth more often.

TFFE: British dental plan.

Lt. Randy: Good point...

maevie

07-24-2003, 05:56 PM

(NSP: oi!)

------------------
Never argue with an idiot. They will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

The MAZZTer

07-24-2003, 06:38 PM

In the realm of the writers...

[Writer] Ford: ZZT, make a NeS post!

[Writer] MZZT: k *Makes this post*

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.coolfreepage.com/) - Under Construction

shade

07-25-2003, 04:10 PM

sneaking into the realm of writers, ShadeTW slips past sleeping writers and dozing narrators, fully intent on getting to one of the precious keyboard of posting. as he crawls into the room however, he is ambushed by the one thing no one could expect.
Shade:"**** ...writer's block...owwie."
Writer's Block:"..."

this post brought to you by...uhm...boredom! that's right! the cure to fun, boredom!...err...wait a second...

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

Gebohq

07-27-2003, 08:41 PM

The writer's block smacks Geb the writer as well, beating him to a bloody pulp. The writer's block then begins stalking the other writers...

GtW: Ow, the pain...

The Last True Evil

07-28-2003, 01:35 AM

The Writer's Block happens upon TLTETW's desk, but being as TLTE has expired, the cubicle is cleared out and left sadly empty.

Its insane lust for creativity hardly sated, the Writer's Block moves on, not noticing the shuffling movement from inside the filing cabinet...

Barely two more paces later, GebohqTW leaps at the monster, smashing it over the head with a chair.

--------------IN THE NES!!!-----------------

Gebohq: I know, let's do a cute little monologue about Writer's Block!

All: (General consent that this is a very dumb idea)

--------------IN THE 'REAL WORLD'....-----------

The Writer's Block turns and eats GebohqTW, moving onto his next target...

DrkJedi82

07-28-2003, 07:27 PM

*back in the offices of the writers the writer's block is approaching the office of Jim7tW*

WB: *growl*

WB opens Jim7tW's door

Jim7tW: WRAA!!!!

With a mighty swing Jim7tW smashes WB with a baseball bat

WB: ouch

Jim7tW: With this baseball bat I bring to an end your reign of terror! Take this foul beast!

Jim7tW beats the writer's block with the baseball bat until the bat breaks

WB: *moan*

Jim7tW: Still alive?

Jim7tW whistles and a large man with a dark suit walks up

Jim7tW: Tony take care of this ... thing.

Tony The Executive Assistant Who Inspired Tony the Thug's Character: ok boss...

Jim7tW walks away and in the distance of the maze of hallways in the offices a single gunshot is heard

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

[This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited July 28, 2003).]

Tracer

07-28-2003, 10:27 PM

*And now, the Continuing Adventures of Rob...*

Jim7: "Rob. You have done much for me, and my family. But this next task will secure your position in my organization for good."

*Rob looks on.*

Jim7: "Darkside owes me a sum of money - I want you to go to the Hall of Heroes and collect that sum for me. In American dollars."

Rob: "Yes, Godfather."

Jim7: "Now go, Rob, and show Darkside the error of his ways."

*Rob leaves.*

Jim7: "Mark Hamil. You have done much for me, and my family. But this next task will secure your position in my organization for good."

*Mark Hamil looks on.*

Jim7: "Yoda has made a proverbial fool out of myself - I want you to go to the Industrial Light and Magic warehouse and destroy that insolent muppet."

Mark Hamil: "Yes, Godfather."

Jim7: "Don't let me down, Mark."

*Mark Hamil nods and leaves. Jim7 reclines in his plush chair. Deep in thought, he summons Tony.*

Tony: "Yes, boss?"

Jim7: "Any messages?"

Tony: "Several from a Mr. KyleKatarn7."

Jim7: "That is all?"

Tony: "Yes, Godfather."

Jim7: "Very well. You may go."

*Tony leaves, and Jim7 walks to his office window, gazing down upon the city.*

------------------
Tracer - I'm just here for the gasoline...

CookedHaggis

07-29-2003, 04:55 PM

I'm still alive...

And I finally caught up!

Yeah, so expect a post as soon as I figure out where half the characters actually are...

------------------

Ford

07-29-2003, 05:48 PM

Originally posted by CookedHaggis:
I'm still alive...

And I finally caught up!

Yeah, so expect a post as soon as I figure out where half the characters actually are...



check the updates screen! page 29! a very useful tool indeed!

------------------
<Dormouse> there are very few things quite as comforting as smelling like a close friend.

shade

07-30-2003, 03:52 PM

wow! an updates screen! cool! now I can keep track of where Galrek was last forgotten! wait...maybe this should tell me something...hmm...thinking...thinking...nope! not getting the hint. will drag Galrek back in as soon as Ch posts...uhm...twice.

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

CookedHaggis

07-30-2003, 04:34 PM

Yeah, but it's not been updated since July 13...so...uh...surely stuff has happened since then...?

------------------

Tracer

07-30-2003, 07:22 PM

NSP: If you're stuck for ideas, just do a Mark Hamill cameo.

------------------
Tracer - I'm just here for the gasoline...

Gebohq

07-31-2003, 12:34 AM

(NSP: I'm only human! I do what I can to update page 29 with the latest and greatest, really I do. In fact, with the help of Ford, I just did. It should be accurate enough for your needs. Just remember--the Hall of Heroes was made SOLELY for us lazy writers to have a "default location" in case you're horribly, horribly lost on something to do. Though I was hoping the whole "bad guys trying to seduce/trick good with evil pie" bit would catch on...

And you all need to practice the art of B.U.M.P.ing more often! You know, so the mountain of NSP's can at least feign at being story-related. Even a standard B.U.M.P. is OK, really.)

B.U.M.P.!

(See? Don't need to be complicated. Unless you've written for NeS for so long that insanity has become indistinguishable from any other state of mind you occupy, like myself. Then you go off the deep end and do things you probably shouldn't.)

http://www.belgianboatshow.be/img/boobs_topright.jpg

Look! Two B.U.M.P.s!

(Like that. And thus, scare any newbies from touching this thread again...)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited July 31, 2003).]

shade

07-31-2003, 04:29 PM

hmm...though I don't remember when I started posting for NeS...I'm fairly sure I started out a nutcase...after all, I'm a Nuke, that is to say, a member of the Navy Nuclear Field...and we're a wierd bunch. sorta like massassians, but with paychecks...and responsibilities. hmm... ah yes, now for an excuse to not post something plot related.
"The wheels on the B.U.M.P! go round and round...round and round...round and round...The wheels on the B.U.M.P! go round and round, all post long."
not as good as Geb's dual B.U.M.P! but, I'm working on it...

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

Semievil333

08-01-2003, 09:09 PM

In the beginning, was the B.U.M.P. And the B.U.M.P. was with NeS. And the B.U.M.P. was NeS.....

ermn.... yeth....

But now was about to come the golden age of the B.U.M.P. For too long had things gone 'B.U.M.P.' merely in the night. Now, with the feeble and half-hearted assistance of a once great writer, the B.U.M.P.s would reach new hieghts, or at least drag the story down to new lows to make themselves feel better. Soon the time would come.

They would B.U.M.P. where no-one expected, restoring the NeS from its enemies, leading its writers out of the bondage of 'plot' and into a land flowing with coke and bandwidth. Soon the time would come.

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

Semievil333

08-02-2003, 08:54 AM

It started with a T.H.U.D. (Timid Hesitating and Underpowered Drumming). Then a Wh.A.C.K. (Wholly Anachronous Cerebral Klobbering). Then something that no-one could have anticipated. Something went B.U.M.P. in the morning.

The world watched, struck dumb with confusion. An army of Benevolent Upward Mobility Posts swarmed The Canada, The North Pole, THE ARENAtm, and even the HoH and writer's HQ in (Anvil Censor), (Anvil Censor).

Speed B.U.M.P.s stopped traffic. Chest B.U.M.P.s stopped men. B.U.M.P.er cars exhibited no change. And far and wide, virtually everyone got B.U.M.P.ed on the head.

And then- a meathod took shape in the madness. The heroes were slowly B.U.M.P.ed together, hearded and pushed into the land flowing with coke and bandwidth as had been promised to the writers. The writers found themselves, after hours of following Geb, who was following the chest B.U.M.P.s, in THE ARENAtm.

Sigh..... Benevolent- not bright. Tune in ne- OW! *B.U.M.P.*.... *B.U.M.P.* *B.U.M.P.*... *B.U.M.P.*

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[This message has been edited by Semievil333 (edited August 02, 2003).]

shade

08-02-2003, 12:05 PM

and then, in the midst of the B.U.M.Ping, one voice spoke out, clear and true, and with his words, the B.U.M.Ps stopped, and for a few seconds, all was still, then, faintly in the distance, a quiet tapping could be heard, then, louder and louder, until from all about could be heard the soft tapping.
"is it a new B.U.M.P?"
"is it a flock of tap-dancing pigeons?"
"no! it is the writers! they have returned!"
and with a cacophonous rattle of keys, a new plotline came coursing down the street, sweeping away the B.U.M.Ps and bringing forth a new age of insanity and heroism. and from the rubble of the village, a lone figure stood tall, surrounded by his friends, and ready to take charge and lead the world to a new age of prosperity. and, narrowing his eyes on The Arena(tm) he stepped up onto a nearby stone and spoke.
"will there be donuts?"
Galrek:"uhm...yes Geb...donuts...we just have to destroy the bad guys and we can have all the donuts we want."
Geb:"ah. in that case let's go."
Krig:"krig get donuts to smash bad guys?"
Ford:"apparently. let's go!"
Cooked Haggis:"indeed. Onward!"
and thus, emboldened by their fearless leader, they set forth on their quest...
*smash! bam! squeaky* ha! thought you could keep me from narrating did you? I'll show you. ahem. hem...ah yes, and thus, the heroes set forth on their quest for justice, good, and the american way.
Geb:"don't forget the donuts."
Galrek:"gah! yes, by all means, don't forget the donuts!"
Geb:"you don't sound too concerned for the donuts."
Galrek, flatly:"oh, I am so concerned for the donuts that I can barely contain myself."
Geb:"hmm..."
ahem. with donuts and bad guy smashing in mind, the heroes made their way through the wreckage of the B.U.M.P strewn town, hiking past the insidious pie stands.

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

Gebohq

08-04-2003, 03:45 PM

...And thus the recent B.U.M.P.'s and Writer's Block continued to kill the brain cells of the writers. Two opposing forces, one for evil and one for... er... benevolant purposes. Yeah.

*looks at date and time passing*

So the new evil plot from the villians is bound to catch on soon...

RAM: Looks like I'm going to win that bet.

Give it time! An exciting story will come yet.

...

Stop laughing!

(NSP: I can only do so much...)

Tracer

08-04-2003, 10:15 PM

*In the HoH, Galvatron, Randy, The First False Evil and Darkside are seated at a table, eating pie and making conversation...*

Gebohq: "So, why do they call it "Krazy Dayz", anyways? This is great pie."

Darkside: "I have absolutely no idea. But thank you."

Randy: "Do you ever wonder who invented pie?"

The First False Evil: "No."

Randy: "Because I do."

The First False Evil: "How interesting. Perhaps it was Count Wolfgang von Pastry."

Darkside: "Or perhaps not. We may never know. However, in the interim, please accept more pie."

Galvatron: "Don't mind if I do."

*In comes Janitor Bob, whistling a jaunty tune.*

Janitor Bob: "It's the floors - that I mop - to clean them of - all the slop..."

*J-Bob notices some discarded pie crumbs on the floor.*

Janitor Bob: "Hmmm...remains of baked product. Calls for WR/DX solution..."

The First False Evil: "Actually, I've found that a mix of sodium nitrate dissolves the pie crumbs at a much faster rate."

Janitor Bob: "Really."

The First False Evil: "Really."

Janitor Bob: "Huh. I'll have to look into that."

The First False Evil: "Indeed you shall. But before you do, why not take a respite from your custodial duties and have a pie?"

Janitor Bob: "Well, sure. A five minute break can't hurt."

Darkside: "It certainly can't. Here you go."

*Darkside serves up some pie as CookedHaggis enters.*

CookedHaggis: "Now look here, fellow. I know you're just a silly plebian, but *everyone* knows that the proper way to serve pie is with the Lawrence technique, not that slipshod bumbling I just witnessed."

Darkside: "Actually, I learned that maneuover at the Mendelson School of Culinary Servitude."

CookedHaggis: "Good heavens, you went to Mendelson? Quite a fine school. You simply *must* demonstrate this handling style to me."

Darkside: "It would be my pleasure. Now, say you're in a stationary position..."

*Darkside and Haggis talk shop, and MaybeChild enters.*

MaybeChild: "Geb! Otter got drunk and thought Krig was edible again, and now they're running all over the place like little children - hey. There's pie and villians in the Hall of Heroes."

Randy: "Don't worry."

Galvatron: "Yeah, it's cool."

Darkside: "Indeed, dear lady, it is. If you would permit me, I should like to serve you some pie."

MaybeChild: "Gosh..."

Darkside: "Come now, don't be shy. We've reserved you a seat."

MaybeChild: "Well, okay..."

*MaybeChild moves to the table, allowing Darkside to seat her.*

Gebohq: "That's right, you enjoy your pie. I'll handle the Krig situation."

*Geb walks to the lobby, where Otter is cowering behind a couch, which isn't really much in the way of protection; luckily, the viking's axe is firmly lodged in the wall.*

Otter: "Geb! You're just in time! Get him away from me!"

Krig: "Little man try eat Krig!"

Otter: "I was drunk! You look like a turnip in that suit!"

Krig: "KRIG NOT VEGETABLE! YOU NOT EAT KRIG!"

Gebohq: "Both of you calm down! Now Krig, haven't you tried to eat various inedible things when you were drunk?"

Krig: "Yes..."

Gebohq: "And haven't you tried to eat various inedible things when you weren't drunk?"

Krig: "Yes..."

Gebohq: "Then don't you think that Otter deserves the benefit of the doubt?"

*Krig hangs his head in shame.*

Krig: "Krig sorry."

Otter: "I'm sorry too, old friend."

Gebohq: "Well now that we're all sorry, let's go get some pie from a pair of bad guys gone sour!"

Otter: "Okay!"

Krig: "Krig not like sour."

Gebohq: "Then it's settled! Come on."

*The trio enters the kitchen. The mood is still jovial as ever, but all eyes are on Gebohq.*

Otter: "Pie!"

Krig: "Shiny pie plate!"

*They chow down.*

Gebohq: "So, what's cooking? Pie?"

*Everybody continues to stare at Geb.*

Gebohq: "What, not funny?"

MaybeChild: "Geb, we need to talk."

CookedHaggis: "Indeed, a good chat is in order. Concerning the future of our little group."

Gebohq: "Does it affect me?"

CookedHaggis: "It affects *all* of us, my good man."

Galvatron: "Actually, it only really affects him."

CookedHaggis: "Well, I suppose. But I'm trying to bring this little tidbit of information out as softly as possible, for his sake."

Randy: "I've always believed in giving a person bad news immediately and letting the cards fall as they may instead of building up to a foreboding conclusion."

CookedHaggis: "You don't say. I've never considered that particular philosophy."

Gebohq: "Um...is it bad?"

CookedHaggis: "Well, you see...er, rather..."

MaybeChild: "What we're trying to say is that it's been fun while it lasted, but now you're fired, Geb."

Gebohq: "What? You can't fire me! I'm in charge here!"

Randy: "But we could all quit and then start our own organization without you."

Galvatron: "But with pie."

Gebohq: "Oh, and who would you get to lead your little anti-Geb fellowship?"

Galvatron: "Them."

*Galv points at Darkside and TFFE.*

Gebohq: "A pair of self-proclaimed villians?!"

The First False Evil: "Reformed villians, if you don't mind."

Darkside: "The simple fact, Gebohq, is that you're little cadre has abandoned you for more competant leadership."

Gebohq: "I can't believe this! Come on, you know they're up to something!"

Darkside: "You'll notice that we refrained from maniacally cackling at my last statement."

MaybeChild: "Geb, I'm sorry, but it's over. It's time for you to move on."

CookedHaggis: "Do you understand what we're getting at, good sir?"

*Gebohq looks across the room, his allies gone.*

Gebohq: "I understand all right - they've obviously put something in the pie! Hand ove the antidote now, you scum, or I'll destroy you!"

Darkside: "Logically, if we had injected the pies with some sort of no-Gebohq serum, then you would want to fire yourself. We all ate from the same pie."

The First False Evil: "And we take offense to that 'scum' remark."

Darkside: "Quite. A nasty bruise is developing on my ego."

The First False Evil: "We have been more than civil, Mr. Gebohq, but you have just crossed the line. I must ask you to vacate the premesis."

*Desperate, Geb switches tactics.*

Gebohq: (singing) "Oh, I've sailed the seven seas -"

MaybeChild: "Geb. Leave now. Or I'm calling security."

Gebohq: "Hah. You don't have any security guards."

MaybeChild: "I sold your pool table and used the money to hire a couple."

Gebohq: "You...you went over my head?"

*Geb is stunned into silence. Eventually, guards are summoned and he is forcable removed from the Hall of Heroes.*

Otter: (between munches) "This is some good pie."

Krig: (between munches) "This some good shiny."

------------------
Tracer - I'm just here for the gasoline...

Tracer

08-04-2003, 10:18 PM

In the Writers' Realm...

Gebohq: "What happend to the writer's block?"

Tracer: "Um, I think I ate it."

TLTE: "You *ate* the writer's block?"

Tracer: "I thought it was a sandwich."

------------------
Tracer - I'm just here for the gasoline...

DrkJedi82

08-05-2003, 03:21 PM

just then Jim7tW walks in

Jim7tW: dude that's gross... well at least it was dead before you ate it...

All the writers: huh?

Jim7tW: I head it coming to my office so i beat it with a bat and had Tony finish it off...

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

shade

08-06-2003, 06:05 PM

ShadeTW pokes his head around the corner of a cubicle
"is the block gone? is it safe to try and write again?"
stepping out cautiously, ShadeTW's eyes fall upon a file cabinet and he flinches briefly before realizing that it is not, in fact, another writer's block.
--------------meanwhile, in the NeS---------
as Gebohq sits down on a nearby curb, he notices someone familiar on the curb next to him.
Galrek:"reformed villains with pie...just not that useful...got downsized. think I got tossed out cuz I'm immune to the pie."
Gebohq:"I got fired because they said that I wasn't a good leader and that the villains were better."
Galrek:"that was kinda the point of the pie."
Gebohq:"pie wasn't poisoned. they said tha-"
Galrek:"that if the pie had some kind of anti-gebohq poison you would want to fire yourself? hmmph. poison is designed to target everyone but you. I don't want you fired cuz I'm immune to the effects of pie."
Gebohq:"we should team up and take back the HoH!"
Galrek:"why...on earth...would we want to do that? besides, you can't even stop an army of kirbies by yourself. what makes you think you can get through all the people who actually made you successful and then face down the villains who turned them against you?"
Gebohq:"don't you have some usefull skill?"
Galrek:"I can make coincidences occur in favor of myself and friends. so?"

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

DrkJedi82

08-06-2003, 07:52 PM

outside the HoH we see Geb and Galrek still sitting around when a man dressed in dark clothing appears from behind a tree

Geb: Is that Rob?

Galrek: who?

Rob walks up

Rob: I was sent to deliver this.

Rob hands Geb a letter and walks away singing to himself "it's a pirates life for me....."

Geb: A letter... from who....

Geb opens the letter

Letter:
Geb,
Your presence is requested at teh secret base of Jim7.

Geb: So... Jim7 finally wants to talk to me.

Galrek: Finally?

Geb: Yes the last time I tried to talk to him he yelled at me... i remember it like it was yesterday...

FLAHSBACK...

Geb: Hello.

Jim7: wraa!

Jim7 picks up his guitar and begins playing.

Geb: yelling over the sound of Jim's guitar I'D LIKE TO WELCOME YOU TO THE NES I'M GE...

Jim7 interrupts Geb

Jim7: I know who you are silly mortal.. GO AWAY!!!

Geb starts wo walk away when Jim7 says something

Jim7: To get out of this mess look to the one who started it all.

Geb: WTF?

Jim7: STEEFU!

Geb stands there looking confused.

Jim7: OUT OF MY TENT!

Geb walks away.

Geb: *whispering* what a psycho

...END FLASHBACK

Galrek: what a psycho...

Geb: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT WATCHING MY FLASHBACKS!!!

Galrek: nothing...

Geb: oh...

Geb and Galrek show up at Jim7's base

Tony: stop right there... I am only allowed to let Geb in you will have to wait here

Geb walks into Jim7's office. Jim7 is standing by his window looking at the HoH

Geb: you asked for me?

Jim7: wraa!

Geb: DON'T START THIS AGAIN

Jim7: You wish to take back the HoH?

Geb: Yes I do.

Jim7: Then you must look to the past to the things you have accomplished. You must also form alliances you never would consider under normal circumstances. You must also shower.

Geb: shower?

Jim7: Yes you smell like a taxi cab.

Geb: I had to take one to get here...

Jim7: That explains the smell... You may now leave.

Geb turns and walks to the door

Jim7: Look to the beginning for it is truly the end.

Geb, very confused at this point, walks out of the room.

Jim7: and may the NeS be with you ... or something like that...

WRAA!!!!, WILL GEB TAKE BACK THE HoH? WILL JIM7 MAKE SOME MORE SENSE? WILL KRIG BE EATEN BY A DRUNK HERO? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON THE NEXT EXCITING *SNORE*

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

CookedHaggis

08-07-2003, 03:12 PM

Meantime, in the Hall Of Heroism, Heroics, Handsomeness and Hot Cakes (the newer, much snappier name for the Hall of Heroes. The "Hot Cakes" refer to warm baked goods by the way. It's not anything to do with the female NeS members. I think.)

Darkside: So, are we all agreed then, every Friday will be Die Hard Night?

All: YES!

Maeve: And beer!

All: YES! AND BEER!

TFFE: Woah woah woah, we never agreed anything about beer. That's not in the plan.

Darkside: But...

TFFE: But nothing. It'll start with beer, but then it'll be crisps, then chocolate, then cupcakes, then cars and who knows where the madness will end?!

Krig: Pie?

Darkside: Indeed.

TFFE: Yes but...oh wait...I see...eh Darkie? Eh? Nudge nudge wink wink say no more? A nod's as good as a wink to a blind man. Gotcha Darkie...

Darkside: I really wish you wouldn't call me that.

[NSP: I don't really know why TFFE is suddenly a bit of a moron, but it's this or nothing, and Geb claims that any post is better than nothing. I have my doubts.]

------------------

The Last True Evil

08-09-2003, 11:22 PM

(NSP: Allow me to take ownership for a minute and steer this where I want it to go.)

TFFE: Er...I need to go to the bathroom.

*There is a stagnant pause. For the sake of keeping posts exciting, no one in the NeS has ever actually used the bathroom before, or at least, it has never been documented.*

CookedHaggis: Um...good luck?

TFFE: Cheers.

*He walks into the appliance cupboard, fits himself into a shelf and shuts the door.*

Darkside: Er...let's play Twister!

All: YIPPEE!

*Meanwhile, in the appliance cupboard, TFFE is being relayed microwave transmission signals from a transmitter in his head.*

TFFE: What now, master V?

"V": Push the importance of the pie. Darkside will soon create a diversion, allowing you to feed it to all the heroes.

TFFE: Sounds scrumptious, master V.

"V": You idiot. And don't mess this up! Your predecessor was destroyed for his failure; the same can happen to you too...

TFFE: *gulp*

*Gingerly, he eases himself out of the closet, grinning broadly at the perplexed NeS heroes.*

TFFE: More pie?

maevie

08-11-2003, 09:15 AM

she is B - bedraggled
she is U - undesirable
she is M - miserable
she is P - perverted
B-U-M-P BUMP! B-U-M-P BUMP!

um...yah.

------------------
Never argue with an idiot, they'll bring you down to their level and beat you with experience

Semievil333

08-11-2003, 01:45 PM

Awww Mavie :_(

STW splats Mavie with a pie.

STW: See, now you're

Pretty
Inventive, and
Exquisite

*Rating Censored*

STW begins to develop a number of black and blue spots

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

shade

08-11-2003, 03:41 PM

noo!! not the acronyms! nargh!!! make them go away!!!
ShadeTW runs in little circle slapping away the acronyms assaulting him from all sides.

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

The MAZZTer

08-12-2003, 09:04 AM

* In the realm of the heroes... MZZT had tried to explain the pie's effects to maevie and Galvatron before the great pie-eat, only to be scoffed at. He had been with the heroes when they had eaten the pie and been affected. But as he had known about the effects of the pie, and as he didn't like pie to begin with, he did not eat it, but instead pretended to, so that the villians would not be suspicious. *

* When the heroes all fired Geb, MZZT began to feel uneasy. When maevie announced she had sold the pool table, that was the last straw. Someone had to do something. *

MZZT: Excuse me... * Gets up from the table and makes his way to the bathroom. *

* Once there, MZZT closes the door begind him and begins pacing the length of the small room, mulling over possible actions he can take. *

MZZT: Geb was right... we need an antidote. Perhaps that antidote can be psycoligical, and not physical. If I can expose the villians' plot in front of the "heroes", they may snap out of it.

MZZT: I can also try to use my connections to round up a task force and take the HoH by storm... could be tricky, tho, as we would have to take each hero alive.

MZZT: Well, my best bet is to escape from here and find a scientist who will help me in creating an antidote. Luckily, I still have that pie plate from the time I got hit with a pie, so the creation of an antidote should be easy for any reputable scientist.

* Banging on door *

Krig: Krig have to use bathroom!

MZZT: Gulp... I sense that Krig hasn't come to use the bathroom... Krig, did maevie send you to make sure I ate enough pie?

Krig: You good.

* Two more people come running up *

maevie: I know what you're up to Mega! Get out of there right now!

MZZT: * Pretends to be oblivious * Wrong bathroom, maevie!

maevie: Galvatron, break down the door! We can't let this villian escape!

MZZT: ... #$%^&.

* Soon, loud bashing sounds are heard coming from the door. MZZT climbs up on the toilet and begins trying to open the small window. Soon he begins to get desperate for time. *

MZZT: Galvatron! Shut down immediately!

Galv: * Calmly, while still bashing. * I can only take administrative commands from maevie, Darkside, and TFFE.

MZZT: Er... Wraa... hmmmm... Galvatron! Evaluate this: The following statement is true. The previous statement is false. After that, I want you to evalute pi to the last decimal place.

Galv: * Still bashing * Yes sir. Processing...

MZZT: I hope this works * Still fiddling with window *

Galv: * Bashing slows * Program is taking longer than expected to compute. Decreasing CPU time allocated to other functions to compensate.

* Bashing slows more and then stops. MZZT finally gets the window open. *

MZZT: There! * Types a command out on his computer wristwatch, gets up on the windowsill. *

* Unfortunately, the HoH is situated in Big Ben, and a fall from MZZT's height could cause you to burrow some distance into solid concrete. I know you all are hoping MZZT has planned what to do next. *

MZZT: I hope I sufficiently planned what to do next... * Hesitates. His hesitation gradually turns into a "wait" *

* Elsewhere... *

maevie: Too bad I left Galv alone... I really shouldn't have, but I just had to have some more of that delicious pie... * Walks back toward bathroom. *

* Meanwhile, Galvatron has stopped moving. The only sign of any activity is the smoke coming from his head. *

maevie: AHHHHHHHHHHHH * Quickly thumbs the huge 'Reset' button on Galv's back. Galv collapses into a heap on the floor. *

* maevie gives a frowning, sideways look at the battered door, and turns the doorknob. The door swings open easily. *

MZZT: Whoops. I forgot to lock the door. * Looks down outside * Sorry, maevie, but I gotta run. * Falls out the window *

* maevie rushes to the window, and looks out to see MZZT in his Missle Boat, waving at her. The Missile Boat turns and flies off to the west. *

Hmmm... an interesting chapter in the NeS indeed... I wonder how many chapters the NeS has... well... it's never ending... so it has infinite chapters! So which number would this one be... hmm... since there are infinite chapters, it is impossible to number them all, therefore this chapter has no number! And since it has no number, it therefore must not exist! And since I am speaking in it, I must not exist!

... erm, waitamminute...

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The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://www.spirituallyunited.com/~mzzt/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

Krig the Viking

08-12-2003, 01:15 PM

*In the Main Room of the Hall of Heroes, Darkside and The First False Evil are busy handing out pie to the various heroes who still haven't eaten. Darkside leans over to TFFE and speaks in a low tone to him.*

Darkside: "Are you sure we have enough pie? There's an awful lot of these 'heroes', and Krig ate quite six whole pies by himself, including the pie plates!"

*In the back of the pie-line, some of the forgotten heroes who haven't been mentioned for pages and pages start getting restless*

JorBo: "Hey, I want some pie here! Hurry up!"

Masetto: "Yeah, we're all hungry here! Let's move things along!"

TFFE: "All right, all right, everyone just stay calm! There's enough pie for everyone, just be patient and you'll get your turn!"

TX3_Gandalf: "Hey, that maeve chick cut in line and got extra pie! No fair!"

Gettleburger: "Give us pie now! We want pie! We want pie!"

*The entire crowd of Heroes begins chanting 'we want pie', to the beat of 'We Will Rock You'. Darkside and TFFE hastily confer with one another.*

Darkside: "They're getting urgent. You know what this means, don't you?"

TFFE: "Yes. We initiate Phase 2-B of our insidious plan!"

Darkside: "Excellent."

TFFE: "CookedHaggis! Go and find Krig the Viking, and bring him to me! We will have need of him!"

Haggis: "Very good, sir. I shall return shortly."

As our beloved but brainwashed CookedHaggis goes to find Krig, whatever can Darkside's and The First False Evil's plans be? No, wait, that was bad grammar. Let's try that again. Whatever can Darkside's and The First False Evil's plans be, as our beloved but brainwashed -- no, that's not right either! Blast it, just stay tuned and keep reading, and you'll figure it out eventually!

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"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

DrkJedi82

08-12-2003, 05:32 PM

Meanwhile back at the secret base of Jim7...

Jim7: Tony, Geb may need my assistance. Go down to Storage Room B and bring up my sword and armor.

Tony: Yes boss.

Tony walks off towards Storage Room B

Jim7: to himself I just hope that armor still fits... it's been a few million years since I last put it on.

meanwhile in Stoarge Room B

Tony: to himself... duh It's kinda dark and spooky down here.

Note to readers... Storage Room B is in the lowest sub-level of the secret base

Voice from the darkness: Is somebody there?

Tony: Huh?

Voice: Bob? Bob is that you?

Tony: No... I'm Tony...

Voice: Tony? Who's Tony?

Tony: Me...

Tony spots the box with the armor and the sword and grabs it

Voice: Me? Me is not Tony...

Tony: No but I am...

Tony starts walking up the stairs.

Voice: It puts the lotion on it's skin...

Tony starts running up the stairs and back to Jim7's office

WHY IS THERE A VOICE IN STORAGE ROOM B? WHY DOES JIM7 NEED HIS ARMOR AND HIS SWORD? WILL JIM7 FIT INTO HIS OLD ARMOR? WILL TONY START USING LOTION? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF RIPLEY'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!!!

Note to the people at Ripley's... please don't sue me I have no money

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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Gebohq

08-14-2003, 01:29 AM

(NSP: You all are doing so well. And you all are showing me up too http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif I must change this and reclaim my mastery of the NeS posting... Well, at least write some more. Also, a side note: After page 50, I'm going to start a new thread, where page 1 will be "page 51" so as to not have NeS kill this forum under its own weight. If only the UBB system could handle the greatness of NeS http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif

And without further delay, a story post. Or at least an excuse for one.)

Galrek: So... what now?

Geb: I need some time to myself. You're the only person I can trust now, so I need you to see if you can round up anyone else to help us. Preferably those from the Hall of Heroes, but it's probably too late for them, so contact ANYONE. Connect into the Update Computer if you can for help. Use any method possible. Meet me at Stonehenge in 24 hours with whomever you find.

Galrek: I'd object, but it's not like I'll decide anything better on my own. Being neutral can be a headache at times.

Geb: Good luck... and thanks.

Galrek walks away, checking his Bond-like standard issue NeS hero watch, leaving Gebohq alone with his thoughts.

Geb: Villians winning, heroes giving me the boot, hunger kicking in... I need a donut.

Gebohq walks to the nearest bakery, continuing to talk to himself.

Geb: What am I going to do? Jim said I needed to "look to the beginning." If only I knew what that meant... wait, why am I considering the advice of Satan again? Ugh. Thinking is not my forte... Hey Narrator?

Gebohq looks upward, waiting for a response, but hears none.

Geb: That isn't funny!

I thought it was.

Geb: I need your help.

I just tell it as it is. I can't fight the good fight for you.

RAM: You just don't want to back down by an idea that you thought of yourself! You were trying to make NeS more interesting by influencing the villians to trick the NeS heroes amd then overthrowing them! Admit it!

Not so loud...

Geb: What's this? It was your idea to have the villians brainwash the heroes?

It's not what you think, Geb. I was looking out for the good of NeS, really!

Geb: I thought you were on OUR side!

If you'd let me explain--

Geb: Just shut up and go away! I'll save the day by myself!

Gebohq sulks now towards the bakery--

Geb: I am not sulking! And I told you to go away!

I still have a job to do. As I was saying, Gebohq now approaches the bakery and enters, when he bumps into none other than Ares, god of war.

Ares: What the...Gebohq!

Ares choke-slams Gebohq to the nearest wall.

Geb: I hate you, Narrator.

I love you too.

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited August 14, 2003).]

DrkJedi82

08-15-2003, 07:38 PM

Suddenly something jumps from the shadows and drags Ares into the darkness

A few minutes later at the secret base of Jim7

Jim7: Tony take the blindfold off of him.

Tony: Yes boss.

Tony removes the blindfold showing Ares the poorly lit dusty room with wooden walls.

Ares: What the.. why am I.. where...

Jim7: SILENCE!!!

Ares STFUs

Just then Sam Fisher walks in

Sam: That was an easy mission...

Jim7: Sam, good work, you may leave...

Sam: Hey aren't you the guy that was fooling around with my daughter?

Jim7: No, that would be the other white evil genius with semi-long dark hair...

Sam: Michael Jackson?

Jim7: No, your daughter is too old for him... the man you want is none other than cue dramatic music MAX WEINBERG!!!

Sam: NO! IT CAN'T BE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Jim7: Search your feelings you know it to be true.

Sam: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Sam rushes out the door.

Jim7: Ares the reason i brought you here was to inform you that you must team up with Geb

Ares: NEVER!!!

Jim7: The other villians laugh at you do they not? call you "whiney"?

Ares: in tears yes, yes they do... they're mean....

Jim7: Then the only way to show them your true power is to team up with Geb and defeat them... then you may return to your evil ways...

Ares: YES I WILL I CAN I MUST...

HUH?

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

[This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited August 15, 2003).]

Gebohq

08-15-2003, 11:03 PM

(NSP: Thanks to Maxis for his hosting and Krig the Viking for creating it, we now have our first NeS radio drama! It's based off of Tracer's post on page 46, concerning the mystery box:

NeS Radio: They Mystery Box (http://www.yomp.net/downloads/NeS%20Radio.mp3)

It's around 2.14 MB, and about 2:40 minutes long. It's best if you read the post along with it. Wheeee!)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited August 19, 2003).]

CookedHaggis

08-17-2003, 04:16 AM

I'd just like to say that Krig is quite clearly the greatest Viking since Thor for doing that radio piece. Bloody excellent.

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CookedHaggis

08-18-2003, 12:57 PM

Meanwhile, Geb is just standing there at the nearest bakery, wondering what exactly has happened to Ares, God of war.

Geb: Uh...

And a very confused hero he is indeed.

Geb: But the...he was just...and then something...what the heck?

As eloquent as ever.

Geb: Oh very funny. We can't all be omnipotent and know exactly what happened to Ares.

You could if you tried.

Geb: Really?

No, not really.
At this point in the proceedings, when the conversation between the two characters (or even just the one character and the bodiless narrator) has reached the banality limit set by the IISBGB (International Interactive Story Board Governing Body), a character not seen for several pages will turn up. Fortunately for Geb, this doesn't happen, and in the course of waiting for something to happen, he smells a familiar smell. Only in a less clumsily phrased way.

Geb: Wait, is that doughnuts*?!

It's at this point Geb remembers he is in fact standing next to a bakery.

* Geb's use of the "correct" spelling of donuts should be noted, as it is a very important plot point. Oh yes.

------------------

Krig the Viking

08-19-2003, 02:39 AM

(NSP: The great Thor himself? Why I am honoured, sir!

Anyways, I think it's about time *somebody* did this:...)

----------------------------------------

*Meanwhile, back at the HoH! Darkside and TFFE are attempting to keep the unruly crowd relatively calm, until Krig can arrive. It's not working very well. Just then, Krig appears in the doorway, and TFFE goes to fetch him. Darkside straightens and motions for the attention of the Heroes.*

Darkside: "SILENCE!"

*The room becomes very silent. The sound of a thousand dying souls screaming for quiet can do that to a room.*

Darkside: "We would like to thank you all for your gracious hospitality. It is not every day that you allow your dread enemies to join your ranks and become one of you. It is a great day for your little world!"

*There is some half-hearted cheering.*

Darkside: "We are very honoured that you have asked us to become members of your fine Hero establishment, and we accept!"

*There is some confused mumbling, as no-one remembers asking them to join.*

Darkside: "With us leading, the HoH will rise to world dominance! We will rule over all! It will be much better than when that sucky little sucky man Gebohq lead you! You will get free beer!"

*The room erupts in racous cheering, war whoops, and whistles. It takes several minutes for TFFE to shut them up.*

Darkside: "Today, we embark upon a journey! To a better, darker future! We--"

Random Hero: "Just give us the beer!"

Other Heroes: "Yeah! And the pie! We want pie! We want pie!"

*Darkside screams a thousand evil screams again, and the room goes silent again.*

Darkside: "Now, we're all friends here, right? Or are we? Why don't we take a vote? Who here is here because they are our friends, and would follow us to death? Hm?"

*Krig, J-Bob, Haggis, Ford, Galv, Kyle, Losien, Maeve, Maybe, Otter, and Sem put up their hands instantly. Their eyes, slightly glazed over, display a feverish affection for the personification of darkness that is more than slightly unsettling. The others just sorta stand about confusedly.*

Darkside: "And who of you just came here to get some free pie? Hm?"

*Everyone else in the room, the ones who haven't gotten any pie yet, shout and raise their hands frantically. Darkside smiles a slow, dark smile.*

Darkside (bending to talk to Krig): "Krig, do you see those people who have their hands raised?"

*Krig nods*

Darkside (whispering in Krig's ear): "Those people want to eat all of your pie! Do you want them to eat all of your precious pie?"

*Krig shakes his head no.*

Darkside: "What are you going to do about it, Krig? Are you going to let them take your pie? They're the ones who always take your shineys, Krig! Are you going to let them do that? And what about your pie? Don't let them, Krig! Don't let them! Destroy them, Krig!"

*With a roar of terrible rage, Krig lunges into the crowd, swinging his axe mightily. TheOtter shrieks and runs away, terrified that the little Viking is going to get his revenge for attempting to eat him. Krig does not even notice, swinging his axe to and fro madly, a rabid wolf in a henhouse. Darkside and TFFE, standing on the sidelines, look on with pleasure.*

TFFE: "I told you it would work, my friend! No problem at all!"

*The wailing, flailing body of TX3_Gandalf impacts the wall above them, bounces off, catches on a ceiling fan, whirls around a few times, and is sent flying into the giant main screen of the Computer with the sound of shattering glass.*

Darkside (creepy eyes narrowing in thought): "Indeed. But they are not all here. We must have all of them under our control, or our plan will surely fail."

*TFFE ducks out of the way as Fluffy the hero soars across the room and slams headfirst into the wall, punching through the wall and into the next room -- co-incidentally the lavratory which no-one seems to be able to find.

TFFE: "Oh, come on, so a few of them are still running around out there somewhere! Alone and running scared, they're no match for us! We'll rule this planet in a matter of days! By next week we'll be working on the rest of the solar system!"

*From the chaos of the battle a shining, whirling Viking battle-axe comes buzzing, embedding itself into the wall beside Darkside's head with a thunk. Darkside doesn't even flinch. Krig runs up, jumps, grabs the axe-handle, pries it out of the wall, and quickly returns to his work.*

Darkside: "You've not been around as long as we. You haven't faced them as many times. Just when you think you've won, just when the last of them is about to perish a horrible death, just as you feel you can safely gloat and describe in detail your plans for world domination -- that is when they hit you! We must be especially careful! Take no chances!"

*Just then, the raging battle ceases, and the dust begins to settle on a smashed and broken room. Darkside smiles evilly as he surveys the damage. Of all those heroes who filled the room moments before, only eleven survive. Janitor Bob, CookedHaggis, Ford, Galvatron, KyleKatarn7, Losien, Maeve, Maybechild, Otter, and Semievil stand amidst the carnage, untouched, while Krig stumps toward the Villians with an insidious grin on his face, clutching his axe tightly. Darkside pats the little Viking on the head in approval, then casts an eye filled with burning souls toward the outer wall, as if looking through the metal and over the land to see the few who remain to oppose him.*

*On the river Thames, MZZT speeds over the waves in his Missle Boat, desparate to find help.*

*In a dark alley in one of London's slums, JediKirby wanders alone, pondering his past and his soul.*

*High on a rooftop, Antestarr looks to the glittering night sky in silence, as the wind whips and pulls his black cloak about him.*

*Deep in the sewers beneath Big Ben, Galrek the Neutral leads Dr. Dor by the arm, escaping in the direction of Stonehenge*

*Gebohq, leader of heroes, feels a chill go down his spine as he stands in front of the doughnut shop, turning to look at the tip of Big Ben just visible over the surrounding buildings. A moment's hesitation, and he shrugs the feeling off, rolling up his sleeves as he pushes open the door to the run-down pastry store.*

*The full moon hangs overhead, glowing in white light.*

*Watching.*

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited September 04, 2003).]

The Last True Evil

08-20-2003, 01:49 AM

[i](NSP: Excellent post, Krig, bu you don't really need to be told that by now... http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

My figurative net-pen pauses mere millimetres from the NeS; Geb's ending to his last post suggests that he has a direction to take with the bakery, and until it is more obvious, I will leave my plot...

Gebohq

08-20-2003, 06:11 PM

(NSP: Thanks for the consideration, but I hardly have much of a plan when it comes to NeS. If I do, I'll speak up in a NSP http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

I've also updated the Update screen, namely with which heroes are under the influence of evil pie, which are not, and which have potentially met the business end of Krig's axe.

Of course, I would not leave without an all too familiar -- )

i*d*w*n*q

(Hmm. It appears to be flipped uspide-down http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif)

The MAZZTer

08-21-2003, 10:55 AM

South Pole, Antartica

A Missile Boat swoops down over the icy land. It is sunrise, and snow is falling in a blizzard (it might not snow down there, but work with me).

The pilot is apparantly looking for something, but there is nothing, other than the bleak, cold expance of ICE.

MZZT: *grumble* Freaking ice. I'm sick of it. I told myself I'd never come back here. But I know in my heart it's futile to search for help; I must find the antidote by myself.

Finally, the fighter slows to a hover.

MZZT: Mmmmph, I can't find it. But it's gotta be here. Let's see if I can hear it... *Thumbs a control on his wristwatch*

A low rumbling echoes off in the distance, and MZZT flies toward it. He soon reaches it, and hovers above it's source. Another blank sheet of ice.

The rumbling grows louder... then a defeaning "CRACK!" is heard and a split in the ice appears, leading to darkness. Another crack and some ice breaks apart and falls down into darkness, revealing the source of the humming to be two large hanger doors sliding open. They finally stop with a clunk.

MZZT: Good thing that worked. I was beginning to worry I wouldn't be able to find this place again after so long...

The fighter descends vertically into the hanger.

The hanger is almost pitch black, except for the light beams streaking in from above. The hanger is only big enough to fit a few ships the size of the Missile Boat, and the fallen ice takes up about half the room. MZZT manages to land safely despite it.

MZZT: Bah, I gotta remember to clean that up before it melts and floods this place... * walks over to a far wall. Takes a passcard out of his pocket and swipes it through an inconspicuous slot in the wall. *

Part of the wall emit a mechanical whir, and pops open to reveal a control panel. MZZT punches a few buttons. The hanger doors above grind close, causing utter darkess except for the glow of the control panel

For a few seconds, all that can be heard (if there was anyone around to hear it) is MZZT shivering. His breath could be made out in the dim light of the control panel. Then he presses a few more buttons.

The lights come on, and a far away rumlbe (a heater) starts. MZZT walks toward another wall, which opens at his approach; a secret door. The control panel conveniently swings closed, and the door closes behind him as he exits.

MZZT walks down a lit staircase, and into an open elevator. He presses a button, and the elevator whirs and begins going down...

MZZT: * Talking to self * Hmmm... I can still remember the day I left here...

Ahem

MZZT: What?

Sorry bub, flashbacks are my job. It's in the contract.

MZZT: Hey! I'm not letting you, or anyone else do MY flashbacks, I thought I was clear on that?!?

I'll tell Geb on you...

MZZT: * grumble * Fine. Do the stupid flashback. * slumps into a corner of the elevator *

*Ahem* It was almost five years ago that MZZT had joined the Heroes in their fight against crime... Back then, he had built this place to be his Headquarters... he was a Jedi, and had pledged a fight against all evil, and to that end had built this place to allow him the resources to research new technologies (he loved, and still loves, tinkering with electronics). When he had seen an ad in the newspaper that Geb had put out, asking for all available Heroes to join the HoH, he quickly realized that strength in numbers would help greatly in his war against evil. So he decided to close his HQ (not hard, considering he was the only one there.) and came to England to live at the HoH.

MZZT: What? That's it? That's not a flashback!

Sorry, budget cuts. Couldn't build a set.

MZZT: But it's exactly the SAME set as the one I'm about to get to! Why not use the same one?!?

Dunno. I'm a narrator, not a director.

MZZT: Shush you.

The elevator stops, and MZZT gets up and steps out. He switches on a light.

It's his common room. It is decorated in a blue-purple paint on the walls, and features white trim on the doors. There is a couch, a TV with a bunch of game systems, a whole wall for a bookcase, and a few chairs and recliners (he had occasionally treated celebrities to a visit and tour).

MZZT sighs at the good memories. But it's time to get to work, he thinks. He strides purposely into an adjoining room, the lab.

MZZT's lab is outfit with the most advanced 5-year-old equipment available. The room is white, and sparkling clean.

MZZT: Well, time to get to work * takes a lab coat off a rack and puts it on. He also dons gloves and safety goggles.*

He takes the pie pan out of his pocket, but then curses when he realizes it was a normal pie he had been hit with before, and not a poisoned pie. He then remembers he got some of the poisoned pie on his shirt when he was sitting at the HoH... he extracts it carefully with tweasers and begins examining it under a high-power microscope, talking to himself...

MZZT: Good thing none of the heroes or villans know about this place... I will be alone here until I find a cure...

Meanwhile, elsewhere...

Darkside: * looking through the walls of the HoH, seeing everything MZZT has been doing * Oh, you'll be alone all right... maybe even long enough to find a cure. But when I get there personally, you won't live long enough to use it. * Storms out to the NeS Garage, in the basement of Big Ben. *

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The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://www.spirituallyunited.com/~mzzt/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited August 21, 2003).]

Dj_DTM

08-23-2003, 10:44 AM

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN CHEESE STARTS RAINING DOWN ON THE PEOPLE!

------------------
Ever tried to catch your elbow?

Dj_DTM

08-23-2003, 10:49 AM

HOLY BARNACEL LOAF BATMAN!

------------------
Ever tried to catch your elbow?

The MAZZTer

08-23-2003, 04:42 PM

The peoples of NeS all stop what they're doing at once, only to see Dj_DTM dancing, shouting, and throwing cheese in all directions.

The heroes. villians, and others quickly usher Dj_DTM into "Happy Daze" Asylum and Mourge, and lock him in a rubber room.

With this new threat to the safety and insanity of the NeS conquered, the NeSians chide Dj_DTM and ask him to post something that makes some sence or at least connects into the storyline next time. (And, they add, it must make for good reading.)

They also suggest he introduce a character of his own... maybe called Dj_DTM.... and maybe place him as an innocent bystander in London, near the HoH.... and write stuff for the NeS off of that. But they also suggest he carefully read the NeS... at the very least, the whole of page 47... and he not mess up any storylines currently in progress.

After Dj_DTM has heard all this, he promises to be good and to write meaningful, entertaining posts. The NeSians let him out, then go back to their business.

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The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://www.spirituallyunited.com/~mzzt/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

shade

08-23-2003, 08:18 PM

*poke*
"stop that"
*poke*
"would you quit?"
*poke*
"last warning. stop with the poking already!"
*hesitation...then finally...Poke*
"that's IT!"
spinning about, Galrek drives his finger into Dr. Dor's forehead, leaving a small dent.
"being poked isn't fun...is it?"
Dr. Dor:"I just had a question."
"WHAT?"
Dr. Dor:"where are we going?"
Galrek:"you are going to stonehenge as soon as I find the spot where a mutant sewer mole just happened to dig a tunnel from london to stonehenge. I am going to go find out what redeemable heroes have been untouched by pie and try to get them to stonehenge. ah. the tunnel. get crawling Doc."
Dr. Dor:"what about the spiders?"
Galrek:"they're on vacation. move!"
turning around, Galrek left Dr. Dor to his own devices and headed back towards the tap to the update computer that he had just happened to discover.
Galrek:"so, let's find out who's next on the herding list, shall we?"
what's this "we" business white man?
Galrek:"AH! talking disembodied voices!"
two things. one:disembodied voices always talk. don't be redundant. they certainly aren't going to poke you. two:I'm the narrator. I've just ignored you most of the time cuz you haven't been that important until now.
Galrek:"great. stuck herding the most powerful bunch of nerds and morons on earth, with a sarcastic disembodied voice with delusions of grandeur and a desire to insult me...what's next?"
you should respect me. I control your destiny
Galrek:"were you medicated before you left your body, or is this just a side effect of being sourceless?"
grumble grumble grumble. well, unless the wonder-dork here gets himself % ally" killed, we'll have some sort of plot tomorrow. tune again to find if Gebohq has made more progress than the bad guys, or if everything is proceeding as normal and Gebohq is five steps behind everything.
Galrek:"aren't Narrators supposed to be enthusiastic and cheerful and stuff?"
oh, I'm not the regular guy, I'm just a disgruntled janitor who got stuck with the job while The Narrator(tm) takes a leak.

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

Ford

08-24-2003, 08:49 PM

meanwhile, in a tower somewhere in New York City...

TLTTVE: ...No, no, no! Thats FIVE mallomars dancing on top of 27 crushed passionfruit! and make sure J-lo is wearing her Reynalds Tinfoil bathing cap. We dont want ubercorp conglomco INC getting their grubby hands on our ideas again. i swear one more

*BZZT*

TLTTVE: Hang on a sec would you? *Click* what is it Ms Suvari?

Secretary: *through intercom* Mr. Phil is here for you. And please, call me Mena.

TLTTVE: Shut up. i dont need any mouth from a washed up one-hit-movie wonder. send him in. *click* I have to call you back...no...i dont care...she'll wear it or we're cutting her clothing fund. goodbye.

the door opens

TLTTVE: ahh, Phil, good to see you again. i assume you have the footage?

Phil the Ugo Driver: uh...about that...

In Jim7's lair...

Jim: Tony!

Tony comes rushing thorugh the door

Tony: Sir?

Jim: I need you to get someone for me. He could be valuable, so dont rough him up too much.

Tony: Yes, sir. May i..*urk*

Jim: Urk?

In HoH...

Ford: You know...i always wanted to do this..but i never had the courage...but now...i feel so powerful..

*SNIP*

Ford: TAKE THAT YOU MATTRESS TAG! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

In the writers realm...

Tony: ...*urk*!

Oh dear! what could this mean for Tony? What will TLTTVE do to phil? what would you do for a klondike bar? how many licks does it take to get to the centre of a tootsie roll center of a tootsie-pop? wheres the beef? tiny little tea-leaves, tetly tea...

blujay: If only these companies had PAID us...

------------------
<Dormouse> there are very few things quite as comforting as smelling like a close friend.

We are only human, perfect in our imperfections. - Erin amie du Dor

<Dormouse> it's really cute in the way that a sherman tank with a fuzzy steering wheel is cute

[This message has been edited by Ford (edited August 24, 2003).]

Dj_DTM

08-25-2003, 11:13 AM

Some where secret.

Dj: *Thinks to self* Concetrate... Think Deep. Use chi.

#KAPOW#

Dj's eyes open. He stares down at his fingure and notices a stream a smoke trails off of them

Dj: *thinks to self* Not good enough.

Dj glances over at the wall, wich has a charred black indent on the wall.

Dj: WHY CAN'T I FOCUS!!!

Dj runs to the window and leaps out in a swan dive position

Whips out his hookshot and fires it to the side of building and silently slips down his rope and takes out a piece of paper that reads:

Dj,
Please take care of this Jim7 charector, he has gone far enough. Last night he had one of his goons, "Tony" beat one of our fellow Yakuza members, and you know how I feel about italians and our group.
Domo origato,
Mr. Roboto.

Dj: Stupid mobsters, always messing with the wrong people. This is the last time they messed with my people.

To be continued...

------------------
Ever tried to catch your elbow?

DrkJedi82

08-25-2003, 08:26 PM

*at the secret base of Jim7 we see Dj making his way into the office of Jim7*

Dj: this place seems empty...

voice from the heating/air vent: is it safe?

Dj: what the?

voice: is it safe?

Dj: is what safe?

voice: is it safe?

Dj: i just came in here to kill someone

voice: is it safe?

Dj: who are you?

voice: is it safe?

dj: you're seriously freakin me out

voice: is it safe?

Dj: AAAAHHHHH!!!!

Dj runs off screaming and is hit by the fast moving car that belongs to none other than Ares.

WHAT IS WITH ALL THE VOICES? WHY DOES ARES DRIVE A FAST CAR? IS HE COMPENSATING FOR SOMETHING? WHERE IS JIM7 AT THIS MOMENT? AND MOST IMPORTANTLY.... IS IT SAFE?

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

[This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited August 25, 2003).]

DrkJedi82

08-25-2003, 09:52 PM

Originally posted by Gebohq:
(I copied the story over here so anyone could continue it. I would, but I have a major writer's block right now. Maybe this story just wasn't meant to live...)

NSP
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

so fun to look at page one

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

The MAZZTer

08-26-2003, 01:49 PM

In the depths of MZZT's Laboratory, MZZT the Hero is staring into his micfroscope at a piece of blueberry and pie crumb, desperately trying to find an antidote to the villian's evil pie...

MZZT: Hmm... interesting... Aha! I've got it!

What MZZT has discovered is so extrodinary, so amazing...

MZZT: Shut up so I can announce it then!

...

MZZT: There is no poison in this pie!

Audience: *Gasp*

MZZT: Furthermore, this is the highest quality pie I have ever seen. In light of this, I believe I know how to cure the heroes!

Dramatic pause...

MZZT: Oh, go away you...

Fine.

MZZT: This pie is so high-quality, there's just nothing like it... (except maybe the stuff from that bakery near the HoH, good stuff there...) and when the heroes must have eaten this pie, they had a sensation of rapture... as if everything was good, nothing evil... and so they were suspect to the corrupt hand of the villains. This also means the effect must be temporary! If I can get to one hero, and restrain him/her from pie long enough, the effect should wear off!

MZZT quickly rises from his chair so fast he trips and knocks his head on the floor, giving him a bad headache!

MZZT: GAH! I thought I told you to LEAVE!

Sorry, but I do have a contract to fulfill.

MZZT: Fine... but don't do that again!

MZZT walks out the door, bashing his head on the doorframe as he exits.

MZZT: OW! Stoppit! You know I'm not that tall!

Alright, I'm done, promise.

MZZT: Good.

MZZT quickly jumps into action. Changing into his Jedi gear and grabbing his high-tech weaponry and equipment, he makes his way to the hanger bay, boards his trusty Missile Boat fighter, and quickly flies off to the north, toward the HoH, hoping to find Geb.

Three minutes after MZZT leaves...

A loud rumble builds in MZZT's Lab. It finally culminates in an ear-splitting CRASH as a large drilling machine burrows through the wall, breaking thousands of dollars in tables and lab equipment, finally stopping in the middle of the lab. It falls silent, and a figure opens the top hatch and steps out...

Darkside: Now I've got you! You can't esca... DRAT! He escaped. I KNEW I shouldn't have went for the flashy entrance...

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://www.spirituallyunited.com/~mzzt/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited August 26, 2003).]

Dj_DTM

08-26-2003, 05:53 PM

On the streets of NES

Dj: ah... owch...

Dj crawls on all fours into an ally to mend his wounds and sees Ares driving away

#Clap#

Dj claps his hands together and begins rubbing them.

He hovers his hands just above his wonds and lets out his healing chi.

Dj: Ahh much better.

He hears the voice again

voice: is it safe?

Looks in the direction of the voice and observes a loud speaker that is looping the same sound in a sequencial pattern

Dj: one, two...

voice: is it safe?

Dj: one...

voice: is it safe?

Dj: one, two, three...

voice: is it safe?

Dj: MORSE CODE!

Dj lies down fast and throws his hands up and swiftly lands on his feet and silently hops from the ally on the roof top of Jim7's secret layer and throws the note on the street.

He pulls up his mouthe piece and runs across the roof top and hops rooves, seeming he knows where hes going.

Where is he going... What is it he knows... Why did he throw the note away... Who set up the "voice"...

To be continued...

------------------
Ever tried to catch your elbow?

DrkJedi82

08-26-2003, 06:09 PM

NSP: Dj... i have no secret layer or secret lair i have "the secret base of Jim7" get it right or tony will break your legs

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Ford

08-27-2003, 05:11 PM

Meanwhile in the doughnut shop...

Geb: Hmm...decisions, decisions....

As Geb stands there, oblivious to the world, pondering the advantages of Bavarian Cream over Chocolate Glazed, a hooded figure approaches from behind.

HF: *whistfully* Geb...

Geb, oblivious as ever, contiues thinking.

Geb: The chocolate frosting with sprinkles gives me gas...but the vanilla eclaire goes straight to my hips...

HF: *slightly louder* Geb.

Geb: Now heres something, a cranberry doughnut frosted with strawberry yoghurt...no...to sour...

HF: *Getting peturbed* Geb!

Geb: Then there's the classic cake doughnut, which while comforting, sits heavily in the stomach.

HF: *Annoyed* Geb!

Geb: Ah to hell with it, i'll just get the powdered sugar, to heck with being carful in my clean shirt!

HF: *Angrily* GEB!

Geb finally noticing the hooded figure, turns around.

Geb: Hello. Do I know you? your voice sounds familiar...

HF: *Pushing hood back* You could say that...

Geb: Mom?!?

What a startling revelation! Why has Geb's mom suddenly appeared? Does this have something to do with Jim7's note? What ever happened to Maesseto? Or for that matter Miss Fire? ahh miss fire, how fondly i remember thee...those nights describing your moonlit walks by the sea, candlit dinner for one...*sigh, sniff* in getting all ferclemped..

Geb: Riiiiight....

------------------
<Dormouse> there are very few things quite as comforting as smelling like a close friend.

We are only human, perfect in our imperfections. - Erin amie du Dor

<Dormouse> it's really cute in the way that a sherman tank with a fuzzy steering wheel is cute

shade

08-30-2003, 12:28 PM

ShadeTW slipped into the breakroom, only to find an oddly shaped...thing blocking the door. reaching out and exerting all his strength...that is, none, he shoved against the object, hoping to get it to budge or something. instead, it opened up to show a large springloaded finger.
ShadeTW:"What th-?"
Finger:"B.U.M.P.!"
ShadeTW:"yahhh!!!"
as Shade flew through the air and landed in his little cubicle, he realized that the impact had jammed him in his little chair...and he couldn't reach the wheel locks that let him move around.sighing disconsolately, he turned to the keyboard and stared at it for a second, the fell asleep once more. as he snored, a large hand fingerwalked through the hallways, looking for dozing writers. as it rounded a corner, it spotted ShadeTW...and in the cubicle across from him, GebTW. looking left and right, the hand balanced itself on its middle finger and sent its pinky and thumb hurtling outwards in opposite directions.
B.U.M.P!
B.U.M.P!
nyah! so there! who's got the B.U.M.P now?
------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

[This message has been edited by shade (edited August 30, 2003).]

CookedHaggis

09-02-2003, 02:16 AM

[NSP: I swear, I *will* post soon and I *will* become a regular story posting type person. Just as soon as, you know, I get a really, *really* good idea.

Or rather, as soon as I get a second really, really good idea, since my first one is to stop using asterisks to imply emphasis. Obviously.

*BUMP*

darn]

------------------

[This message has been edited by CookedHaggis (edited September 02, 2003).]

Gebohq

09-02-2003, 09:12 PM

Within the Hall of Heros, The First Fasle Evil continues plotting evil with Darkside.

TFFE: More like Dorkside!

Darkside looks up from reading a file and takes his reading glasses off.

Darkside: Wearing glasses to read things close does not make one a dork. You should be one to speak, Norman.

TFFE: Don't make me smack you senseless with my white plot hole manipulating powers!

Darkside: You dare challange the collective forces of darkness?

TFFE: No...

Darkside: Good. Now go conquor Australia already. Take some of our new 'friends' with you.

TFFE: Yes, Darkside. I'm just going to make a phone call first...

--------------------------------------------

Some time later, inside the secret base of Jim7, Sam approaches Jim7 playing his guitar.

Sam: Excuse me, boss.

Jim does not respond, sucked deep into his own music.

Sam: Boss?

Jim continues playing his dark and powerful chords, not saying a word.

Sam: Jim!

Jim: Can't you see I'm busy?

Sam: It's important though, sir!

Jim: What is it?

Sam: It's about The First False Evil, sir. He wired an encrypted call within our network, but I couldn't decipher it, nor whom the call was made to.

Jim: Take care of it then.

Jim then dons his battle armor and gear, then swings his guitar over his shoulder.

Jim: I'm heading out. Gooing to see Gebohq. He's bound to get into a fight soon, and its been too long since I've been in one. Make sure you straighten everything out while I'm gone, and don't forget to feed the cat, or ELSE!

Sam: Or else what?

Jim, however, had already exited, leaving Sam alone in the room. Random urks and meows could be heard within the base.

Gebohq

09-02-2003, 10:13 PM

At the bakery, Gebohq stands facing his mother, who is garbed in a hooded outfit.

Geb: Mom?

Geb's mom: You already said that, dear.

Geb: Just reminding the audience.

Mom: Right... so how are you doing these days? I hardly hear from you these days. It worries me.

Geb: Well I've been kind of busy, what with being a hero and all--

Mom: I heard in the news that you were kicked out of the Hall of Heroes.

Geb: What? How'd that get to be news?

Mom: Are you doing drugs? Is that why they kicked you out?

Geb: No, mom! Geez!

Mom: You can tell me, you know.

Geb: I'm not doing drugs! The others, they were succumbed by eating this pie, but it was evil pie, and now the bad guys are running the place...

Mom: Uh-huh... We have to talk, Gebohq--

Geb: You don't believe me, do you?

Mom: Of course I believe you, dear. We need to talk--

Geb: I can't believe you don't believe me! You didn't believe me when I told you it wasn't Los' fault all those times... Dad was never like this.

Mom: That's what we need to talk about.

Geb: About Dad?

Mom: There's something you need to know about your father...

Just then, Ares bursts through the door, pointing towards Gebohq.

Ares: You never knew the truth... I am your father!

Gebohq is rather disturbed, as was much of the patrons in the bakery some two minutes ago by the conversation Gebohq and his mother were holding.

Geb: No... that's impossible! You can't be my father!

Ares: Not you, fool! Him!

Ares point at a young man, who drops his eclair.

Ares: I've been meaning to tell you sometime, Nick, but I... well, I didn't care enough.

Nick: Who are you?

Ares: I'm the god of war.

Nick: Really? Can I hang out with you?

Ares: No. You were a mistake, and if I thought it'd be worth my time, I'd have killed you.

Nick: Oh...

Ares then turns to Gebohq.

Ares: So you're going to need someone who knows what they're doing, if you intend on reclaiming your Home of Hobos.

Geb: Hall of Heroes.

Ares: Whatever. You're going to need me. I have some issues to settle with Darkside...

Geb: I guess we'll get going then?

Mom: Geb, wait! Your father...

Geb: What is it?

Mom: ...he's contracted something serious. The doctors say he might not pull through. You should see him.

Ares: Come on, we need to get going. I don't have all day here!

Will Geb go and see his father before he may die, or try and reclaim the Hall of Heroes? If he sees his father, it may be too late to save the world from certain doom, but if he turns to his heroic duty, he may be burdened with the guilt of not paying his father his last respects--

Geb: Shut up! You're not helping!

Sorry.

JediKirby

09-04-2003, 05:07 PM

Creations unknown to man. Vile demons developed only to kill. Contructed-soldiers of doom. This narroration will contain none.

A black cloak, wrapped around a circular body flows in the wind. The small imprints in the hot deasert sand stretch for miles behind the small figure. A horse lies in a massive pile of flies, rodents, and horse flesh far back from where the dark and mysterious lone-wolf had come. Ahead, a small speck in the view of the lonely strider, stood a building. Tall in perspective, it looked to only be a toothpick in the hot and evading deasert air. The dark figure continued in the dirrection of the seamlessly unattainable goal.

Meanwhile...

Gebohq Mom, I mean... I can't leave my Dad to die without seeing him... But... the World is at stake! That just wouldn't sound right on a news cast, and the Never Ending Story would be ruined, in the fact that the Story DOESN'T END.

Mom Gebohq Joseph Ann-Marie , if you don't tend to your father this instant...

[i]Just then, from the shadows of the room, out stepped a grey robed shape, sort of like a circle, with Kirby shapped legs sticking out of the lower portion of the cloak. The figure looked up from the shade that the hood he wore held. Gebohq looked down in suprise.

Gebohq Who... are you?

Figure The question is, Who Was I?

Gebohq ...But... you... You're supposed to make this about me... I AM the main character, you know?

Figure Oh... right. Erm... The question is, Who are you!?

Gebohq Gebohq Joseph Ann-Marie, who are... or were you?

Figure At one time... I was known as jEDIkIRBY. But now...

Gebohq KIRBY!? JEDIKIRBY!? Where... Where have you been!? Weren't you killed? I thought Bill Gates secretly caught you and tortured you and sent parts of your body to us in the mail, but due to Gates' laziness in not setting it as express order, we didn't get any packages until he'd cut your... well, 'you know' off. How ever did you survive that tragedy that JediKirbyTheWriter completely decided to never post about and just assume it happened?

Gebohq quickly looks around just in case a Plothole were to pop up...

TheHeroFormerlyKnownAsJediKirby I am no longer that creature you once called jEDIkIRBY... I faught with the great Demon Bill Gates for many months, and finally, on the slopes of some really big mountain, he was slain. I, too, was slain on that mountain, but am somehow born 2,000 miles from where I died, and now I'm all glowy, and the trees listen to every command I give. I am now known, as JK. JK the White.

Gebohq That's a familiar plot... didn't that happen in the Tolke-

JKtW No.

Gebohq But, I could have swore that Gand-

JKtW We haven't got time for this, I've got much to tell, and little time to tell it. A dark prince, the one they call 'Lord Of The Plotholes,' 'Betrayer of B.U.M.P.s,' and 'Shades Formatting.' is approaching a power unlike any we've ever seen before, soon, he will be more powerful then all of the Evals combined...But I've got a power to equal it... A power to see things happen before they happen...

What is this!? How did I get here!? Does anyone actually PAY me for saying all of this!? So why exactly do I bother to say everything in the italics?

...
...
...

OK, Because I'm a giant powerful voice, and all the 'God' voices are working full-time, the Home Shoping Network didn't like my credentials... I mean, what else is there for a loud imbodied voice? Ah well, here it goes:

What mysterious 2 powers does JKtW speak of? What possibly could this other mysterious figure be? Why hasn't jEDIkIRBY The Writer posted in over 3 months? Find out next time, on the Never Ending Story!

Wow... I get a lot from reading that... What would I spend a paycheck on anyways? Body-less voices don't have clothing stores...

[NSP: OK, OK, I posted, happy!?]

JediKirby

------------------
"I was driving along listening to the radio, when Judas Priest comes on. It was 'You've got another thing coming.' All of a sudden, I enter 'VICE CITY RAMAGE MODE' and nearly ran some guy over"
- ]-[ellequin

[This message has been edited by jEDIkIRBY (edited September 04, 2003).]

shade

09-07-2003, 12:01 PM

alright...despite criticisms of my formatting, I'm still the only person it seems who will sit around and do the important duty of restoring life to NeS...so to speak. and so, without further ado, I present to you...
B.U.M.P!
no spiffy posts today. no creativity...weather too dismal and such.

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

Gebohq

09-07-2003, 07:05 PM

When we last left him, Doctor Dormouse was crawling through a mysterious tunnel which presumably leads to StoneHenge. However, as he is crawling, he notices that his surroundings begin to feel... wrong.

random audience member: Gee, what gave that clue away? Maybe a mysterious underground tunnel?

Shush.

Dor: How intriguing. This tunnel has the most peculiar geometry. Wait... what's this? A city? Underground?

As Dormouse crawls out of the tunnel, he is overwhelmed by a tearing sensation of the mind as he gazes upon the underground landscape. The slime-covered angles of the unearthly city twist and turn in a sharp, non-Euclidian manner, hinting at great and long since dead presence that yet was not quite dead. A thought not his own repeatedly scratchs and peels the doctor's mind.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

A lumbering yet flowing mass can be sensed approaching Dr. Dormouse, willed by a chaotically gripping monster of a presence as great and questionable as the city itself. The knowledge of these truths perceieved would turn any person insane.

Dor: Oh fasinating! *bends down to look at the ground* I do believe this is a fungus I have never seen before!

It is good then that our good "doctor" has yet to percieve such truths. Will he continue on, oblivious of his surroundings and onto StoneHenge, or will he discover what no mortal man should never have to gaze upon?

Krig the Viking

09-09-2003, 12:46 AM

So, Ares God of War, JK the White, Geb's Mom, and Gebohq Joseph Anne-Marie (or GJAM, as he's known to his hateful friends) are standing around a doughnut shop. Geb's Mom grabs Geb by the ear.

Geb's Mom: "Come along, Gebohq, or you'll be grounded for a year!"

Gebohq Joseph Anne-Marie: "Awww, but Mom...."

Geb and Geb's Mom leave the doughnut shop. In a minor plot point, Geb brings along the fresh doughnut that he bought at some point between posts. You know, because the doughnut is supposed to be some important plot point or something. Heck, I don't know. They don't tell me what's going to happen!

After Geb's sudden exit, JK the White and Ares stand around uncomfortably.

JK the White: "Sooooo..."

Ares: "You look oddly familiar..."

JK the White: "Yeah. I think I ate you once."

Nick: "Hey, I was just thinking, there's a father-son baseball game next Friday at the park and--"

KABOOM!

JK the White: "You just burned that young man to a crisp!"

Ares: "Yeah, so?"

JK the White: "I'm afraid I have no choice but to destroy you..."

Ares: "Yeah, sure, but make it quick, ok? I got stuff to do!"

Meanwhile, Geb gets dragged into the hospital by his mom. They go up some stairs and an elevator and why am I describing the hospital to you? You idiots know what a hospital looks like! Anyway, they enter a hospital room, where a man lies very still in a bed.

Geb: "Dad?"

The man weakly turns his head to Geb, and Geb sees him clearly for the first time. Geb gasps.

Geb: "Bill Gates! Oh no, Bill Gates is my real father? NOOOOOOOoooooo....."

Geb's Mom: "Oh, whoops, wrong room! Sorry, son!"

Gates: "No, it's true! I am your real father! Mweeheeheeheeee!"

Geb: "Yeah, sure, whatever, freak."

Geb and Geb's Mom walk across the hall to another room. It is dark inside, and Geb walks slowly in and flips on the light. Suddenly, a large crowd of people jumps at him, yelling and shouting.

Crowd: "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GEBBO!"

Geb's Dad: "Hey, son, Happy Birthday! I betcha you didn't expect a surprise party, eh? Did you suspect anything?"

Geb: "Um, well, no, considering that my mother, who I respect and trust, told me that my beloved father was dying!"

Geb's Mom: "We got you good, didn't we?"

Geb's Dad: "You shoulda seen the look on your face! It was priceless!"

Losien: "Yeah, bro, it was pretty funny."

Geb: "You know, you all are acting very strangely. Normally you guys aren't quite so cruel and wait a minute! What's Losien doing here? Didn't you eat that pie?"

Losien: "Yeah, it was delicious! And it made me feel so confident! I brought some along, why don't you have some?"

Geb's Mom: "Yes, it's very good pie! Have a slice!"

Geb's Dad: "You won't regret it, son!"

Geb: "Oh no! You've all eaten the pie! Noooooooo!"

Behind Geb, the door opens, and a slightly stooped, bespectacled figure enters, chuckling in a high-pitched, menacing tone.

Bill Gates: "Yes, Geb, even your family belongs to me now! Can't you see that it's hopeless! I will prevail in the end! It is destined to be so!"

Geb: "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! !!"

Great Jumpin' Jehosaphat! What a cliffhanger! Whatever will happen next? Will Bill Gates really prevail? Why does he think it is destined to be so? Can things get any worse for our beloved Hero? For only six easy payments of thirty-nine ninty-five, you can have the next episode of the Never-ending Story Thread delivered right to your computer! No shipping or handling! And as an added bonus, we'll throw in the free CD "NeS Musicals: A Compilation of NeS's Best" at no added charge! That's right! Order now! Supplies are limited, so limit of five per caller!

Oh, and Happy Birthday to Geb the Writer, who turns twenty-ish today! Yay! I guess.

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

maevie

09-09-2003, 01:57 AM

*crazy giggling* lurvely, Krig!

*does the 'It's Gebbit's Birthday' dance* (a very specific dance involving much jumping about randomly, with Ford innadress and also Dor innabow making appearances)

Oh, and I promise I will post someday, when I figure out what Maeve actually has to offer the Heroes

------------------
Work like you don't need the money
Love like you've never been hurt
Dance like nobody's watching

Antestarr

09-09-2003, 12:09 PM

*Antestarr, who's "brooding" had been replaced with "zoning" some months back, walked into the den of iniquity formerly known as the common room in the Hall of Heroes with his rifle slung over his shoulder and a bowl of ramen in his hand. Looking up, he noticed the logo of the Hall of Heroes had the word "Heroes" crossed out and replaced with "Pie"*

Ante *slurping up some ramen*: Oh, hey guys. Did I miss something? Hi Darkside, TFFE. Uh... why are you guys here and nobody's on the floor writhing in horrific agony?

Darkside: Ah, Antestarr. We'd forgotten you were alive. Would you care for some pie?

Ensemble of heroes droning like zombies: Pie... Piiiiiiiiiieeeeee....

Ante: Oh, no thanks. I'm fine with my ramen. I don't really like pie anyway. I mean, I do like pie, but not in the literal sense. Well, yes in the literal sense, but not in the sense of eating... well, actually, that's not entirely true. Dangblasted innuendo.

EOHDLZ: Piiiiiiieeee... Piiiiiii... *urk* Piiiiiiiiieeeee...

Ante: Uh... I'm going to step outside now and... uh... eat my ramen in the street.

*As Ante worked his way towards the exit, the mass of Heroes began to shamble towards him. In a drastic attempt to save his first meal in months as well as his life, Ante tossed the bowl of ramen into the air, locked a round into his rifle, and fired at the chain of a conveniently placed chandelier. The crashing of the ornate light fixture startled the Heroes long enough for Ante to shoulder his rifle again, catch his ramen (which had not spilled), and get out the door into the street, where he hoped he could eat his lunch safely...*

------------------
"Ken wa kyouki. Kenjutsu wa satsujinjutsu. Donna kireigoto ya o-daimoku o kuchi ni ****e mo sore ga shinjitsu."
-Seijuro Hiko

Gebohq

09-12-2003, 09:59 PM

A Highly Powerful Yet Kind Method Of Advancing The Thread So As To Keep It Active!

Hmm... A.H.P.Y.K.M.O.A.T.T.S.A.T.K.I.A!

Perhaps a B.U.M.P. would be wiser and more efficient...

Gebohq

09-13-2003, 09:57 PM

(NSP: A Highemp-Geb collaboration. Mostly Highemperor. The wonders of the telephone.)

Camera pans over a serene grassland with a black liquid coursing through rivers and streams. As it zooms in, we find that the grass is grey, being made of graphite, and the black liquid running through the rivers is ink. We also find that the dirt is multi-colored, consisting of paper crumpled into dust. As the camera follows a particular river to the horizon, we see a tower of epic proportions. This tower of epic-proportions, here and after known now as T.o.E.P.--

RAM: Hey, come on! You have to give us a better name than THAT!

Why?

RAM: Because you have to write well so that you can keep an audience interested, like myself.

*Just then, James Earl Jones enters, speaking to the Narrator.*

JEJ: Hey, who're you talking to?

*JEJ and the Narrator look to an empty theater filled with dust and cobwebs*

RAM #2: Hey random audience member #1, sit down and shut up! We're only figments of the Narrator's imagination.

*to Mr. Jones* No one.

*James Earl Jones shrugs and walks on by.*

To entertain the audience which I don't have, I will come up with a better name for the T.o.E.P. This is, in fact, the REAL name of the T.o.E.P. but I warn you, you're not going to like it. It's the NeverEnding Tower of Super Ultra Powerful Extravagant Reality of the Omnicron at the Center, Top, Head, and Beyond the Eternal Dimensional Continuum. Also known as the N.E.T.o.S.U.P.E.R.o.t.O.a.t.C.T.H.a.B.t.E.D.C.

Or for the pansy writers, the N.e.T. This, my friends, is the center of reality, from which brings forth the N.e.T. net, which is the web of ink that connects all the worlds together. F.Y.I., an Omicron is a book/reality (one and the same), and the Omnicron is the collective of all Omicrons. NeS, of course, is the supreme Omicron, though the more well-known Omicron is the overly-used Necronomicron.

IRAM (imaginaary random audience member) #3: Enough with the cosmology already! Gimme the action! The gore!

IRAM #2: Shush! Highemp the writer has worked hard on this elaborate system for NeS.

IRAM #4: Hey! Why are you being such a goody two-shoes anyway?

IRAM #2: *pulls of mask* Because I AM Highemp the writer!

*IRAM #2 is smitten by lightning for pretending to be the great Highemperor the writer.*

Imaginary pile of ashes #2: Owie!

IRAM #1: Who is WRITING this script anyway?

IPOA#2, IRAM #3, IRAM #4: Highemperor the egotistical writer, DUH!

Riiiiiiiiight.

Anyway, back to the scene. Yes, fellow readers, this impressive tower before you is the NeT, the castle of infinite floors (or stories, if you will) that reaches through the sky, tears a hole in it, and mangles it. Inside the NeT, on the 42nd floor, are the offices of the dreaded EDITOR, who edits the entire Omnicron, including NeS.

*The imaginary audience gasps in shock.*

Inside the Editor's office--

Editor's secretary: Hold on, Mr. Narrator of the NES--

NeS.

secretary: Whatever. I'm going to have to ask you to take a number and sit down.

*The Narrator goes to sit in the waiting room, where he encounters Highemperor from NeS.*

Highemp: You too, huh?

So is this where you've been all this time?

Highemp: *shrugs shoulders* 'fraid so. Ever since the "Porni Temple" incident, I've been wanting to edit it out of the story from sheer embarrassment. So I came here, took a number, and I've been waiting here ever since.

secretary: Number 1,265,088.

Highemp: That's me!

*Highemperor walks into the Editor's office. The Editor, whose face is convininetly outside the camera's view, can be seen wielding a giant red pen, which is the septre of his office.*

Editor: *in a not-very-impressive voice* So, what can I do to help you, Mr. Highemperor?

*Highemperor stares at the computer screens surrounding the office, displaying the different Omicrons, and notices that the NeS window is displayed on the giant screen behind the editor's desk.*

Highemp: Hmmm... this situation seems to be working to my advantage.

Editor: What was that?

Highemp: Er--nothing. I was just wondering if I could have an office here at the NeT, preferably a window view, a nice desk...

*A couple of hours later, Highemperor is crammed into a cubicle with very little air.*

Highemp: Oooooo, I'm gonna kill that kid.

DrkJedi82

09-15-2003, 07:16 PM

*Back at Teh Secret Base of Jim7 we see our Prince of Darkness looking around for Tony*

Jim7: TONY!!!

Meanwhile in the realm of the writers

Jim7tW: TONY!... what happened?

TonytESwITtC: while rubbing the back of his head i think i was B.U.M.P.ed

Jim7tW: weird... I thought B.U.M.P.s never made it into actual story posts...

TonytESwITtC: yeah... isn't it weird?

Jim7tW: yeah...

Back in teh secret base of Jim7 Tony falls out of a closet

Tony: wow I had a strange dream?

Jim7: what about?

Tony: that this is all a story and I got B.U.M.P.ed when it was B.U.M.P.ed

Jim7: weird...

SNORE..... HUH WHAT? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

[This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited September 15, 2003).]

shade

09-17-2003, 05:21 PM

Shade the Writer finally settles down into his cubicle and plops down into his chair. after staring at his keyboard for a few moments, he stretches out one tentative finger and pokes a button on the keyboard. in response, the computer chimes and an online menu pops up on the screen.
PC:"do you require assistance user?"
ShadeTW jumps up out of his chair with a startled gasp.
ShadeTW:"AHHH! TALKING BOX! TALKING BOX EVIL! MUST DESTR-oh wait...that's just the help feature."
meanwhile, in the NeS, Galrek continues to wander the intricate tunnel system looking for useful people.
*trip, twang! crash!*
Galrek:"what th- who the hell put a guitar in the middle of this dark smelly tunnel?! ah...light...maybe the owner of the guitar is in the light..."
picking up the smashed remains of the guitar, Galrek heads into the light, emerging into a large room to stumble into the presence of Jim7 himself. Galrek, never one to be impressed by...well, anything, holds up the broken guitar in front of him.
Galrek:"you the dipstick that left this in that tunnel?"

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

Tracer

09-19-2003, 07:25 PM

(NSP: Right, so what's happening again?)

------------------
Rule with an iron fist! And a wooden leg. - Anonymous Australian

Prince Xizor

09-19-2003, 08:20 PM

I cant beleive its almost the fourth aniversary of this thread.

------------------
Why wont you be a good boy and die? - various movies

shade

09-20-2003, 01:46 PM

you expect us to know what's going on? we're just the writers! I think I heard something about pie...and bad guys...and good guys...and there were plot twists and stuff...

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

Krig the Viking

09-20-2003, 05:05 PM

(NSP: Wow, this is the first NSP I've made in a long time. Tracer, if ya want, I can send ya a page I've made up of a summary of each character's actions since page 44. It's quite helpful.

Also, what tune did you set that "A Pirate's Life For Me" song to? Or did you have a tune in mind? I've been thinking about recording that song, but I need the melody, first. http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif )

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

Cool Matty

09-21-2003, 05:12 AM

*CM (CoolMatty) walks in*

CM: Where the hell am I? Why is it so dark?

Little does CM know, but he's just walked into the underground plotline tunnels of NeS

CM: Well, let's get some light in this place!

CM casts "Hand Inferno!" A blue ball of flame appears on his palm, illuminating the tunnel.

CM: Hrm, what's that say on the wall? GEB... IS ... GOD? What's up with that?

Not a moment later, Wai (Wandering AI) appears behind him.

Wai: 'ello CM.

CM spins around quickly, almost slamming into Wai.

CM: Wai! What... the heck are you doing here?

Wai: I was going to ask you the same question. As for me, my name says it all. I'm wandering.

CM: Well I have no idea how I got here. One minute, I'm reading the Legends of Spooky Taco, then the next, I'm in a cold, dark, smelly, politically-incorrect(glaring at writing on the wall), tunnel.

Wai: Well, this is the underground plotline tunnels of the... oh my sweet programmer...

CM: What? What's wrong?

CM spins around, only a second too late to see a creature slurk back into the shadows of the tunnel. A high-pitched wail echoes in the tunnel.

CM: What... was that?

What was the creature Wai saw? Will CM discover his purpose for being here? Will I come up with a better conflict and plot? Will I come up with a better cliffhanger? Only time, and a stable webserver will tell!

------------------
"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

The MAZZTer

09-21-2003, 06:01 AM

MZZT: Dang it, CM! It's only me!

MZZT emerges from the darkness.

MZZT: Your robot scared me away, sorry about that.

WAI: I am NOT a robot. I am a Wandering Artifi... oh, maybe I AM a robot...

CM: Mega? What are you doing herE?

MZZT: I've taken it upon myself to seek out new NeS posters quickly, before the villians get to them. I cannot allow them to fall victim to the pie.

CM: The... pie... riiiight....

MZZT: Seriously. If you are offered pie, DON'T EAT IT.

CM: .... suuuure.....

MZZT: Look, it's incredibly evil pie we're talking about here...

CM: *snicker*

MZZT: Hey! Even though you didn't give me webspace, I'm still going to help you. Be thankful.

CM: Hey! I told you, the server was...

MZZT: Nevermind... c'mon! I'll fill you in as we walk.

WAI: What about me?

MZZT: Eh, you can come along too. We may need a decoy if we run into some villians.

MZZT tells CM and WAI about the latest happenings in NeS as they walk. About the pie, about his attempts to find an antidote, and finally about his findings about the pie... namely, that it's effects could wear off.

MZZT seems to know the labyrinth by heart. With very little light coming from CM's ball of fire and lit torches lining the walls, he does not hesitate as he twists and turns through the narrow, stone-lined passages.

CM: How the heck do you know this place?

MZZT: Shh! Don't ask! If I try to answer, a plot-hole will most certantly appear!

CM: A plot-WHAT?!?

MZZT: I'll explain later, we're almost there...

CM: Where? You never told us where you're taking us!

MZZT turns a corner and CM and WAI follow. They bump right into MZZT, who has stopped and is facing a blank wall!

CM: Ow! Hey! That's it! You don't know this place, you were faking it!

MZZT: No... we're here...

CM: ...at a dead end.

MZZT turns around to glare at CM momentarily, and then faces the dead-end again. Raising his hand, a dull groan starts to come from the wall... then, all of a sudden, it explodes outward, revealing a bright light.

CM: *shielding his eyes* URGH!

MZZT: C'mon!

MZZT, CM, and WAI step out into... the middle of Stonehedge.

CM: Woah.

WAI: Main Processor Cannot Make Sense of Sensory Data. Translation: What. The. F...

MZZT: *interrupting* We'll have none of that here!

WAI: Sorry.

Amazing! We've finally found Stonehedge... what does all this have to do with Dr. Dor? (Who knows, MZZTtW just plopped Stonehedge in here just to make everything seem to tie together.)

MZZT: Hey! I'm not done yet!

But it's the end of the post.

MZZT: Not until I say it is.

RAMs: YEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY!!!

MZZT gives the RAMs a cold stare until they shut up.

MZZT: Thank you. Now, let's review our plan...

CM: Plan?

MZZT: Of course. We have to take back the HoH.

CM: Oh right, that Hell of Horrors or whatever you were talking about earlier.

MZZT: *sigh* Well, our first step is to find those heroes that have been scattered about, and bring them together. From what I've discovered, we probably need to raid the HoH. Not necessarily to retake it just yet, just destroy the pie making devices the villians use! Occe we do that, retaking it will no longer be a problem.

MZZT: I think Ares and Geb will be our mose hopeful candidates, we should get them first.

CM: Ares? Some n00bs nick?

MZZT: No Ares, the genuine God of War.

CM: Cool.

MZZT: Matty.

CM: ... right... now... how do we go about doing that.

MZZT: Simple. We look for a Dodge Viper. One of us will "accidentally" chip the paint. If the responce is a raining of destruction and pestilence, we'll know who's Viper it is.

WAI: And who will this person be who will chip the paint?

MZZT and CM both look at WAI expectantly.

WAI: Of course, machines are the expendable ones. *grumble grumble* Why couldn't I just have gone back to wandering? I knew that CM character was bad news when I saw him...

CM: *ignoring WAI* What about Gebohq?

MZZT: Rumor has it he's celebrating his birthday party.

CM: At a time like this?!?!

MZZT: Yeah, sounds strange, but listen to this... he's celebrating it in a hospital.

CM: So he's trying to justify it by conforting sick people at the same time?

MZZT: Dunno.

Alright NeSians! Who will MZZT and CM (oh, and WAI) go after first?!? Geb or Ares?!? YOU decide! Just write a little post explaining what happens! Or, you can even pick a third character! Have fun! http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

MZZT: Hey! Narrator! You can't have emoicons!

Really? http://forums.massassi.net/html/eek.gif http://forums.massassi.net/html/frown.gif http://forums.massassi.net/html/tongue.gif http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

MZZT: *sigh*

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The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://www.spirituallyunited.com/~mzzt/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

Cool Matty

09-21-2003, 08:45 AM

Wai: ... so, where exactly is Ares's viper, by the way?

CM: Your the superintelligent program, you tell me!

Wai: What do you want me to do? Look it up in the DMV database?

MZZT: ...duh!

Wai and the crew start driving around town, looking for a wireless network to get on. They stop at a McDonalds, and find some wireless access.

MZZT: Wireless in McDonalds! Who would have thought!

CM: So how is it going?

Wai: Slow... there are only about 250,000 registered Vipers in Europe...

MZZT: Dang. That's a lot!

Meanwhile, Ares pulls up in his Viper

Ares: Hey MZZT, what are you doing here?

MZTT: ARES! We were looking for you! We need to raid the HoH!

Ares: I may be God of War, but I'm not God of Stupidity either. Give me a good reason to help you!

MZZT: Well, I'll uh, give you Wai! He's really helpful, doesn't complain often...

Wai: What am I? Your slave?

CM: What if I defeat you in a fight?

Wai, MZZT, and Ares get a shocked look on their faces

Ares: Are you challenging me?

CM: Are you deaf?

Ares: So be it. Prepare to feel the wrath of my power.

CM: Just don't mess up my style.

CM proceeds to go into a fighting stance.

CM: "Needle Inferno!"

Small needle-like flames appear all around Ares. They immediately dive right into Ares, leaving a burning flesh smell in the building.

Ares: Now you've done it kid. Juggernaut special!

Ares throws a fist so fast, that the moving air alone could tear through steel... needless to say, the McDonalds is trashed.

CM: Firewall!

Wai suddenly catches on fire, and is thrown in front of Ares's attack. He takes the full brunt of the attack, sparing CM.

MZZT: ... what the heck, a real world port-blocking?

Ares and CM continue to fight, CM using his many fire magiks, and Ares using his powerful fighting skills. Wai, of course, continues to take the hits for CM.

Ares: Well, that was fun!

CM(panting): Heh, yea... sure was... Guess you really are the God of War... I hit you with everything and you still lived!

Ares: Well, I am immortal. So you want to take down the HoH?

MZZT: That's the plan.

MZZT: I'm hoping to take out the pie manufacturing plant, so that we can contain this disaster.

Wai: Roses are red, Violets are blue, BASIC is stupid, and so are you!

CM: Shouldn't you, ya know, be on the floor in a million pieces or something?

What will be the plan be for breaking into HoH? Will Wai regain his sanity? What happened to the poor McDonalds? It's all on you!

------------------
"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

The MAZZTer

09-21-2003, 02:16 PM

MZZT: Alright! The only major person we need now is Geb! From there, we can play it by ear.

Ares: Wait a minute. I'm not just coming with you mortals. I have to be compensated.

MZZT: *groan*

Ares: First, My Viper out there REALLY needs some modding, y'know? If it were to be financed...

MZZT: *cousugardumplinggh*

Ares: Er... on the other hand, friends help friends for free, right?

The heroes get into Ares' viper (Ares drives of course) and they speed off to The Obscure London Hospital.

Ares: Here we are. What's our plan? Do we bust in and...

CM: Nonono, that's the HoH, remember?

Ares: Ah. Right. So... where do we find Geb?

WAI: Maybe we can ask someone?

All three stare at WAI for a few quiet seconds. Then they burst out in laughter.

ALL: WOOOHOOO!!! HHAHAHA!!! That's a good one! I would ask for directions?!?! Hah!

Etc, Etc

A few minutes later

Ares: Whew... ahem... that was funny robot... hey, where'd he go?

WAI slipped away during the laughter.

CM: ... oops.

MZZT: Er... Let's carry on without him. Due to the inheirent nature of the NeS, he'll show up when we least want him to or most need him to.

The group enters the hospital.

MZZT: Now, we can split into three groups...

CM: But we've only got three people.

MZZT: ... of one person each. So? Each of us can cover... let's see, hoe many floors are here? *checks a dept listing on the wall* Holy... that's a lot of floors for a hospital. Er... CM, you take the first third of the floors, Ares you take the second third, I'll take the rest. Let's go!

CM walks off to his first set of doors, and Ares and MZZT go to the elevators.

Four hours later...

Back in the lobby, CM is sitting in a waiting area checking his watch impatiently, Ares and MZZT come back down the elevators, out of breath, and both slouch into seats.

MZZT: No luck.

Ares: Nor here, either.

MZZT: Gee CM, you look like you handled this pretty well.

CM: Yeah, with only three floors to do. What took you guys so long?

MZZT: ... I said the first third of the floors. Not floors 1 - 3.

CM: Oh... @#$%. *runs to the elevators*

A few more hours later...

MZZT: Gee, what's taking him so long...

Ares: Maybe he found Geb.

MZZT: Let's hope so.

Nurse: Excuse me...

Ares: *puts on his best look* Yes?

Nurse: Do you need to know the room number for a patient here?

Ares: Er... no! No, we do NOT need directions. No.

Nurse: Um... ok... *walks away, eyeing them suspiciously*

MZZT: Y'know, maybe we should've...

CM emerges from the elevator, looking as tired as MZZT and Ares did.

CM: Well, I searched 'em all.

MZZT: And...?

CM: Nope.

MZZT: Blast! I was SURE this was the right hospital!

Ares: You mean to say...

MZZT: Er...

Ares: This has been a complete.

MZZT: Um.

Ares: Total.

MZZT: Now wait...

Ares: WASTE OF MY TIME?!?! *begins glowing, his eyes turn bright red*

MZZT: Wait! We have proved he ISN'T here, so...

Ares: ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHH!! *prepares to unleash a ball of pure energy*

MZZT: eek.

WAI: Hello friendly carbon lifeforms!

Ares: *all fx immediatey dissapear* Huh?

WAI: You won't believe where I was.

CM: Not here?

WAI: It's funny, I ran right in this lobby and asked the help desk where Gebohq was. Turned out he was in the basement.

MZZT: They have rooms in the basement?!?!? What kind of...

WAI: I checked it out, and it was empty.

ALL: Huh?

WAI: No human lifeforms whatsoever. I scanned 25 times.

MZZT: Why didn't you come tell us THEN?!?

WAI: I tried to, but I could no longer find you. I concluded you were either at the room... thich was unlikely since I had not run into you... or that you had already found Geb and left... which was likely since the Viper was gone.

Ares: WTH?!?! MY VIPER!!! *rushes past everyone and runs outside*

MZZT: Hmmph. I told him not to park there.

WAI: ... So I searched the surrounding area. Not finding you, I attempted to come back here to ask the receptionist if she had seen you. And here you are.

CM: We. Are. Idiots.

RAM: Indeed.

MZZT: Shut up.

WAI: I think you humans should examine the room where Gebohq was. I was unable to make sense out of what I found there.

MZZT: Ares?

Silence

MZZT: Bleh, he has no car, and even a god of war won't run far. He knows I have transportation that I can call here at a click of a button, he'll be back. Let's go WAI.

The group walks down a flight of stairs and down a hallway, to a door reading "Mr. Ohq" [Ed: I don't care what anyone says, Geb's last name is Ohq http://forums.massassi.net/html/tongue.gif]. They enter.

MZZT: Hmm...

The room is mostly orderly, except for a knocked over table. Pie and a pie tin is all over the floor.

CM: Hmm pie!

MZZT: Hey! Stoppit!

CM: What? Five second rule!

MZZT: It's been at least seven hours darnnit.

CM: My timescale is different from yours *picks up a piece and goes to eat it*

MZZT: *slaps the pie out of his hand* What are you doing!??! It's the evil pie!

CM: .... OH! *slaps his head* I thought you said evil pi!

MZZT: ... I did...

CM: No! Not pie! π!

MZZT: Oh! π!

CM: Yeah.

MZZT: *sigh*. Let's get out of here.

WAI: Excuse me, I think I have fully analyzed this situation.

MZZT: Hey, you just said a few minutes ago you couldn't~

WAI: You humans have filled in some of the pieces I have not been able to myself. I have now been able to do the rest.

CM: and?

WAI: I believe whoever was in this room surprised Geb and tried to feed him pie.

MZZT: Hmm... every fiber of my being tells me that Geb in immune to the pie's effects... and the visions the Force gives me only strenghthens these feelings. What will the villians do to Geb when they discover the pie has no effect?

Exeunt

RAM: Wth?

You know, exeunt.

RAM: You know, EXPLAIN.

*sigh* It is used in Shakespearian works to indicate that all characters leave a scene.

RAM: Oh.

Exeunt

Outside the hospital

MZZT: See? There he is guys!

Ares: Er... MZZT... you got a ride?

A few minutes later...

Ares: Gah! Get your elbow out of my eye stupid robot!

WAI: It's not my fault. It's cramped in this space. See, CM's nose is practically in my hard drive.

CM: Sorry!

MZZT: Hey guys! I know this is a Missile Boat only designed to hold one person, but we can fit for the ride to the HoH, right?

Ares: Huh? I thought we needed to get Geb first!

MZZT: I have a hunch he was taken there. We'll have to invade the HoH without him, and free him as well as shut down the pie factory. We'll try to find Geb first.

WAI: The HoH website indiacates that the HoH employs a large security squad, hired by maevie.

MZZT: Yes, I know.... There's a secret enterance on top of Big Ben (that's where the HoH is guys), on the opposite side of the clock face. Geb showed it to me once, I don't think he got around to showing it to anyone else though. The new security wouldn't know about it. The HoH is directly below the clock face area, we'll be able to take them by surprise.

Ares: Perfect.

WAI: We should try stealth.

CM: Agreed. Let's get Geb out of there.

Ares: *whispers to MZZT* Now all I have to do is help you with this little raid right?

MZZT: *whispers back* Yeah, Sugar Dumpling's secret will be safe then.

Ares: *whisper* Good.

The Missile Boat pulls over to the back of Big Ben. A small door opens at the silent touch of a button in the cockpit, and the Missile Boat flies in and lands...

[NSP: I've decided to focus more on action and excitement in this next bit, rather than solely on humor. I hope you like it so far!]

[Edit: Stupid typos and paradoxes fixed.]

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The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://www.spirituallyunited.com/~mzzt/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited September 21, 2003).]

09-21-2003, 04:29 PM

A small Blue-Vortex opens and BV stumbles through it

BV: What the... where AM I?!?!

[NSP - (I'm assuming that means "not story part or something) Hi everyone. http://forums.massassi.net/html/tongue.gif)

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Well that's stupid. I'm not buying a so-called Star Wars game that doesn't have Yoda. - Tracer

Cool Matty

09-21-2003, 05:06 PM

A random audience member appears behind BV, and kicks him back in the portal

RAM: BETTER INTRO NEXT TIME! THAT WAS WEAK!

Meanwhile, at Big Ben...

MZZT: Ares, your the leader. CM, watch our flank. I'll scout around for the elusive maevie. Wai, you stay here and guard the ship.

Wai: Guard the ship? But that's a waste of my amazing fighting talents!

MZZT: As amazing as your fighting talents are, if they are as amazing as your ability to ramble on, you'll only be making the security commit suicide...

CM: He has a point.

Wai: Fine, but when you all get back, we're going to have a serious discussion!

The group begins to walk down a long flight of stairs, towards the base of the clock tower, completely ignoring Wai, who is still talking.

CM: He's going to attract every single security guard in this building up there if he keeps rambling like that.

MZZT: That's the plan.

Ares: Get down, there's someone coming.

The group had just reached the bottom of the stairs, when a flashlight beam is seen moving by the staircase. Ares jumps out and pulls some ninja skills on the guard, before he has a chance to notice Ares and the others.

Ares: We've got to move quickly now, we've been forced to take down a guard. It won't take them long at all to figure out that he's miss...

CM: What is it with everyone stopping in the middle of a sent e n c.......

MZZT: What is it? I can't see a .... oh my lord...

In front of them stands the almighty Roxelf.

Roxelf: I believe you were looking for my wife maevie? What business do you have with her?

CM: Well... We were really just here, to, ya know... look

Wai: WE'RE HERE TO SAVE GEB, AND TO BLOW THIS PLACE TO SMITHEREENS!

Ares(Whispering): Doesn't he have like an off switch or something?

CM: Nope. Trust me, I've looked.

Roxelf: Smithereens, eh? Well, I'll have you know, you have NO CHANCE of doing any sort of thing. You will die to my amazing TECHNO MAGIC!

What will happen to the fellowship? Will Roxelf destroy the group? Is Wai running on a Windows Operating System or something? ONLY TIME WILL TELL!

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"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

The MAZZTer

09-21-2003, 05:24 PM

All of a sudden... BIG BEN STRIKES TWELVE!!!

http://www.geocities.com/the_mega_zzter/dong.gif.txt
http://www.geocities.com/the_mega_zzter/dong.gif.txt
http://www.geocities.com/the_mega_zzter/dong.gif.txt

Roxelf: WHAT THE...?

The three heroes quickly rush past the startled Roxelf.

Roxelf: *faces doorway* Hey, get back here!

WAI: Hmm, how do you work this thing anyways?

Roxelf: *turns around* Eh?

WAI: Ah here we go!

A laser blast is fired from the missile boat and hits the wall right behind Roxelf.

Roxelf: ... ^&$%...

Roxelf runs.

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NEW! PHP implementation underway!

Tracer

09-21-2003, 05:58 PM

(NSP: I was thinking of a sort of combination between Dixieland Jazz and a sea shanty...so a Dixieland shanty, I guess.)

*Oblivious to the gripping and climactic action going on elsewhere, Jim7 reclines in his secret base, watching his chief scientist give a PowerPoint presentation.*

Chief Scientist: "As you can see in this slide, we have recovered the mangled corpses of a dozen or so dead heroes."

*The Chief Scientist pauses to click his left mouse button. The Windows 'ding' sound plays and the screen dissolves into the next slide.*

Chief Scientist: "And in this slide, we have the recovered components of several battle-damaged Soviet Commiebots."

BV: "Scintillating."

Chief Scientist: "Given those two conditions, there was only one logical course of action."

*Ding.*

Chief Scientist: "...the creation of a fighting force of half hero, half robot cyborgs."

*Jim7 looks at BV and raises his eyebrows.*

BV: "I believe that a practical demonstration is in order."

Chief Scientist: "Yes, boss."

*The Chief Scientist presses a button on a large remote control, and a freaky-looking cyborg monster lumbers into the room.*

Jim7: "What is his name?"

Chief Scientist: "We call this one 'Fluffy'."

Jim7: "And his loyalty is, shall we say, unwavering?"

Chief Scientist: "What do you like, Fluffy?"

Fluffyborg: "Communism."

Chief Scientist: "What are some of your favourite activites?"

Fluffyborg: "Installing puppet governments in satellite states. Serving Jim7. Deflating the spread of capitalism. Demolishing the opponents of Jim7. Earning the same flat wage as all of my compatriots -"

Chief Scientist: "That'll do, Fluffy."

Jim7: "Incredible. His dogmatic servitude...I find it..."

*Unable to finish his sentance, Jim7 gestures to BV.*

BV: "Intriguing."

Chief Scientist: "It gets better, boss. Observe."

*The Chief Scientist waves a pie in front of Fluffyborg's face.*

Chief Scientist: "...And what do you think of pies, Fluffy?"

Fluffy: "Pie. Noun. A delightful baked confection often served with iced cream. No connotation to either communism or Jim7."

Jim7: "Excellent. Put him back into storage; I'll begin forumlating a plan for the use of these...abominations immediately."

*The Chief Scientist presses another button on his remote, presumanbly with the intention of shutting the Fluffyborg down, but something goes wrong: sparks fly out of Fluffy's ears and the robot lurches wildly about the office.*

Jim7: "Turn it off!"

Chief Scientist: "I can't! He's not responding!"

BV: "Horrifying."

Fluffyborg: "Error. Error."

*After colliding with every breakable object in the room, the Fluffyborg teeters on one leg for a moment, and then falls, it's two-ton body punching a hole in the floor.*

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Fighting for your rights; the Massassi Civil Liberties Union.

Cool Matty

09-21-2003, 06:05 PM

And back to the PIE-Action

Ares: We must hurry! I don't know how or why, but Wai bought us a distraction, let's not waste it!

The fellowship continues to run down the halls, frantically looking for Geb...

CM: What's that loud humming noise?

MZZT: That can be no other than the pie making machine!

Ares: Quick, let's destroy it! Geb would understand the sacrifice!

The fellowship barges into the room, to find huge vats of pie-making stuffs. Suddenly, a loud cry is heard above one of the vats...

Geb: YOU WON'T WIN, MAEVIE! THE PIES WILL BE YOUR DOWNFALL!

Maevie: If only you understood my true power... then, then you would understand.

Maevie then makes a evil pose, with a evil grin that sparkles.... sniff, its so beautiful!

CM: ... Narrator, just... no.

MZZT: Well of all the luck. We have to shut down this machine, and save Geb. But how?

Ares: Over there! It looks to be some kind of control switch!

CM: What's it say above the switch?

MZZT: The Pulger Evil-Sucking Device - For EVIL PIES ONLY

MZZT: This is it! The pies secretly have evil extracted from Pulger to make them evil! If we shut this machine down, the pies should return to normal!

Ares: Well, let's get to it!

Ares, using his unbelievable god-strength, pulls the switch, removing all the evil from the pies. But, a certain someone is still dangling in the balance of life and death!

Geb: This is your last warning Maevie! You won't win this one!

Maevie: Please, be quiet dear. I'm trying to listen to my husband's techno! Don't make me cut the cord!

Geb: Do it, now. I dare you.

Maevie, not one to break a dare, cuts the cord, and Geb falls to his certain doom. Or does he? WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT POST FOR THE EXCITING CONCLUSION TO THE EVIL PIE CONUNDRUM!

(NSP- Didn't see Tracer's post until I posted mine. Thankfully, it didn't interfere. The edit was made to make things fit with his post.)

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"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

[This message has been edited by Cool Matty (edited September 21, 2003).]

DrkJedi82

09-21-2003, 06:49 PM

Following the fluffy incident Jim7 can no longer wait for Ares and Geb and heads off for the HoH

2 seconds later in Geb's barely used office at the HoH we see Darkside looking through Geb's porn when suddenly Jim7 busts through the doorway

Darkside: What the?

Darkside stands up quickly

Jim7: **** your voice is so annoying

Darkside screams like a little girl as Jim7 takes out his sword and rams it through Darkside's face and into the wall

Jim7: now to get to the bottom of this pie business...

IS THIS THE END OF DARKSIDE? WILL JIM7 BE IN TIME TO SAVE GEB AND STOP THE PIE? WILL THE JANITOR CLEAN UP THE MESS JIM7 MADE IN GEB'S OFFICE? IS GEB'S PORN COLLECTION SAFE? FIND OUT TOMORROW ON THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF...*urk*

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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Tracer

09-21-2003, 07:06 PM

(Or you could just handle things that way... http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif)

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Fighting for your rights; the Massassi Civil Liberties Union.

The MAZZTer

09-22-2003, 07:40 AM

MZZT: They must be holding Geb in his office! That's the last place we'd look! *rounds the corner*

MZZT: Uhhh... *quickly turns around and faces Ares and CM before they can enter the office* He'snotherelet'sgolooksomewhereelsek?good *runs off and pulls Ares and CM after him*

Darkside: DANGIT!!! Just because I'm [almost] immortal doesn't mean I don't feel PAIN!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

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The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://www.spirituallyunited.com/~mzzt/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited September 22, 2003).]

Krig the Viking

09-23-2003, 12:52 AM

Australia. Desert wind lifts clouds of dust in blazing waves of heat, swirling them about the scorched plains. In the midst of the red heat, a small blue oasis presents a fortress of life against the bleak desolation. Green, leafy, living, surounding a pool of deepest blue -- and all of it an illusion. Not a mirage, but a man-made deception, constructed of plastic and metal; a fakery intended to hide one thing. On the surface of the plastic water, a balding man, not dressed for the environment and not what one would call physically fit, kneels and plucks at an invisible something. The plastic water quivers, and a trapdoor in the centre of the blue surface slides open, revealing a ladder descending into the gloom. The balding man quickly slips down into the opening, and the plastic slides shut once more.

In the pitch blackness beneath, a white light clicks into being, revealing the stark steel walls of a massive laboratory. The balding man, holding his flashlight, steps away from the ladder, carefully avoiding the decayed skeletons clad in clown suits that litter the floor. He strides purposefully, eyes gleaming in the reflected light of his electric torch. Massive machinery, repleat with coils and pistons and various mechanical things, looms out of the darkness before him. The balding man approaches the machinery, laying a hand upon one of the lower parts, carressing it tenderly. He smiles and breathes in deeply, letting a chuckle of mirth bubble forth.

Norman -- The First False Evil: "HaHA! My precious devices, you are still here! That buffoon, Ares, and his ridiculous Clown army -- he should never have been allowed to use this place! He could have destroyed it all! But no more, my precious White Plothole Amplifiers! No more!"

With a joyful cackle, the balding man flicks a switch, and immediately a hum resonates throughout the lab. Lights flicker on, and the gloom is replaced with cold, hard light. Pistons begin to pump, electricity to crackle, and plasma to -- plasmate. The labratory comes to life once more.

TFFE: "Hahahaha! The power will be mine! I shall not fail again! Never again! Hahahahahaaa!"

Meanwhile! In the HoH, Geb falls toward a bubbling vat of Evil Pumpkin Pie filling. On a nearby catwalk, Maeve stands gloating, her hands on her hips, laughing at Geb's predicament.

Geb: "AAAAHHHH!"

At the last moment, Geb grabs the rail of another catwalk, bringing himself slamming to a halt. He dangles by one arm above certain bubbling Pie-filled doom in an epic, heroic pose.

Maeve: "Oh, poo. You were supposed to die."

Geb: "Never!"

Just as Maeve is about to reply in some evil way, she stops, her eyes wide and staring into space. She stiffens and begins to shake, lifting from the catwalk. The lights in the room seem to dim as whispers of souls beyond the grave whirl about Geb's head. Geb, using Maeve's distraction as an opportunity, pulls himself up onto his catwalk.

Geb: "Well, this is an unexpected turn of events..."

After a dramatic pause, the room returns to normal and Maeve falls back down to the catwalk she was on. She rises, and looks around, her eyes glowing strangely. She speaks, and her voice is the sound of a thousand dying souls screaming at once.

Maeve: "That was highly inconveniant for us! We shall destroy that Jim fellow, when we have time!"

Geb: "Darkside? What have you done to her?"

Darkside/Maeve: "Our corporeal host was destroyed! We needed another! And this one is quite attractive..."

Geb: "She was a friend! You can't just do that!"

Darkside/Maeve: "Just watch us, mortal. Just watch us."

Just then, the door on the main floor opens, and Roxelf rushes in. Spying Maeve up on the catwalk, he calls out to her.

Roxelf: "Maevie! Did you see three or four Heroes rush through here a moment ago?"

Darkside/Maeve: "The one you know as Maeve no longer inhabits this corporeal shell! Begone, you annoy me!"

Roxelf: "Nooo! You monster, what have you done?"

With a careless wave of his hand, Maeve/Darkside blasts Roxelf with black lightning, sending him flying through a wall and out of the room. Just then, the door opens and a familiar bespectacled figure enters the room, on the higher catwalk where Maeve is. Bill Gates walks over to her, holding his hands steepled before him like certain 104-year-old cartoon billionaire.

Gates: "Ah, Darkside, there you are. Taken a new host, I see. How goes the plan?"

Darkside/Maeve: "We are almost ready, but the Heroes who are outside of our control are growing bold. We have not much time."

Gates: "Yes, some of them have entered the HoH. We cannot delay any longer, we must initiate the next phase of the plan."

Darkside/Maeve: "We are not yet ready! The Heroes we have given pie to may yet retain some measure of Free Will!"

Gates: "We will have to take that chance! Initiate Plan Phase 3!"

Darkside/Maeve: "It shall be as you command, master."

The creature that was once Maeve lifts her hands to the sky, and a low hum fills the room. Geb stands frozen on his catwalk, looking up at the scene above him. As the lights begin to dim once more, and the floor to rumble, Gates looks down and notices Geb, and smiles.

Gates: "Ah, there you are Gebohq! I would have thought you would have fled long ago!"

Meanwhile, outside, Antestarr flees through the streets of London, miraculously keeping his bowl of ramen from spilling. He slips his way through heavy pedestrian traffic upsetting businessmen and normal people alike.

Prince Charles: "Hey! Watch it, buddy!"

Ante: "Sorry! Fleeing for my ramen, here!"

Prince Charles looks around in confusion, then his eyes widen. A whole herd of Heroes bears down on his position, trampling everything in their path, pursuing Ante with an evil bent in their expressions.

Prince Charles: "Oh my!"

Antestarr turns down an alley with his ramen, just as Prince Charles is run over by the Evil Heroes. He comes sliding to a halt as he realises that the alleyway is a dead end. He turns and faces his pursuers, teeth bared.

Ante: "You'll never take my ramen alive!"

Just then, the Evil Heroes stop as if suddenly shocked by a thousand volts of electicity. All of them stiffen and rise into the air, as the alleys dim shadows seem to grow darker. Ante stares at them confusedly as they descend to the ground once more, and speak in unison in a disturbingly familiar voice.

Cooked Haggis: "We are the Darkside..."

Maybechild: "We are its shadow..."

Otter: "Its mirror..."

Ford: "Its flame..."

Ante: "Crap. This can't be good."

Meanwhile, back in the HoH...

Gebohq: "You'll never succeed, Gates! Villians never do!"

Gates leans on the catwalk's railing, looking down at Geb.

Gates: "And who is left to stop me? All those who could be a threat to me are now working for me! They are all possessed by my servant Darkside! My time has come, Gebohq!

Gebohq: "I'm not finished yet! It'll take a lot more than some pie to stop me!"

Gates: "Hah! You mean like a fluffy kitten? Or maybe a butterfly? Let's be serious, Geb, you've never been a real threat to me! I realise that now!"

Gebohq: "I've foiled every one of your evil plots! Why do you think you can succeed now?"

Gates: "Foiled my plots? You ran away at the first sign of danger! That's all you've ever done! My plans failed because of my overconfidence, and bad luck! Your friends are the ones who did the real work, and they're all mine now! Look to your past, Geb! You've never been a Hero! You've bumbled along and called yourself one, but your actions and your motives have proved otherwise, from the very start!"

Gebohq: "What do you know about being a Hero? You're the opposite of everything a Hero stands for!"

Gates: "And who better to know a man than his enemy? You're nothing more than a worm, Gebohq, a coward driven by his fear! Why do you delude yourself? You've never been interested in saving the world from people like me! You've been interested in personal gain and comfort! Even from the very start!"

Gebohq: "Hey, maybe I came for the doughnuts, but I stayed for the fight! I did what I was hired to do -- save the world!"

Gates laughs, a cold, chilling laugh, taking a moment to step back and enjoy it. Then he leans forward once more, his face gone deadly calm.

Gates: "Gebohq, Gebohq, Gebohq. You poor, deluded fool. Tell me, who do you think hired you for that job? Who do you think sent you to what was supposed to be your certain doom in that Arena?"

Gebohq: "It... it was a letter signed P.H. Some anonymous Good-doer, I guess. What does that have to do with it?"

Gates: "PH. PH. And that didn't sound familiar? Did it not bring to mind the name of one you've known since childhood? One who hated you more than anything?"

Gebohq: "It was... no! Impossible!"

Gates: "Yes, Geb. Pyotr Hussein. Or, as people call me now... William Gates. Yes Geb. It was I who sent you do die at Ares' hands! It was I!"

Geb: "No! Impossible!"

Gates: "You are an imposter, Geb! A failure, an insult to the term 'Hero'! You are nothing but a lowly coward!"

Geb: "I am a Hero! Whatever my past, I know who I am!"

Gates: "Really, Geb? Then perhaps you won't mind proving this to a skeptical programmer like me! Why don't we have a little fight -- let's see you stand up and not run away!"

Geb: "Bring it on, nerd-boy!"

Gates: "Oh-ho, but it is not I you will be fighting! No, no! One of my loyal servants will be doing that! One of my newest, but most dedicated pawns in this game. I think you've met her?"

Gates produces a small box from his pocket, and presses a button. The door at the end of Geb's catwalk slides open, revealing a female figure waiting there at the end. She steps out into the light, toward Geb...

Geb: "Losien? Losien! Sister! Don't listen to him! You don't have to do it!"

Losien: "We are the Darkside. We are its shadow... its mirror... its flame. We have been summoned to feast upon your presence. You will be a part of us... Forever!"

Losien advances toward Geb, holding a long dagger. On the higher catwalk, Gates throws back his head and cackles joyfully. Geb hesitates, horrified.

Geb: "Losien! Don't do this! Fight it! I don't want to hurt you, sister!"

Gates: "She can't hear you, Gebohq! She is Darkside's now! But don't run away, Geb! Or are you afraid to fight your own flesh and blood?"

Geb stands on the catwalk as Losien advances, his eyes frantic, his heart torn. Slowly, his jaw clenches, and his hand tightens into a fist as he steadies his stance, facing Losien.

Geb: "I'm sorry, my sister. But I cannot let you be hurt."

Grabbing the rail of the catwalk, Geb leaps over, falling to the concrete floor below. He lands with a crack, rolling to soften the blow, and scrambles toward the door. On the lower catwalk, Losien looks up to where Gates stands above her, laughing as if he'd just heard the funniest joke in his life. After a moment, Gates wipes the tears from his eyes, and waves at Losien to dismiss her. After a brief glance at the door Geb just escaped through, Gates turns away, and the smile vanishes from his face as if it had never existed.

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited September 23, 2003).]

The MAZZTer

09-23-2003, 04:20 AM

MZZT, CM, and Ares are running down a hallway, when the lights dim for a moment [like in Krig's post]. This strikes a primal, unknown fear buried deep within their hearts.

MZZT: Er... maybe it was just a slight power loss?

CM: Hey guys, ewe should split up again.

MZZT: What? Power in numbers though!

CM: What the heck are you talking about, I hate math! That's beside the point... we haven't seen a single Hero... or Hero-turned-Villian... since we got here.

Ares: He's got a point MZZT.

MZZT: Hmm... fine, let's split up... but if anything suspicious happens, holler.

MZZT, Ares, and CM come up to a 3-way split in the corridor, and each take a hallway.

Ares: Hmm, what's in door #1?

Ares opens the door and steps into the Pie Manufacturing Plant, which is empty. There is a huge pie machine in one corner of the room, making machinery-type noise.

Ares: Aha! Here we go! Now all we have to do is find Geb, and then MZZT won't tell about Sugar Dumpling... and then I can maybe even double-cross the little @#$%^&$. Ha!

Ares strides over to the pie machine... which is quite enormous.

Ares: Hmm... wow, so many controls... which one will turn it off?

Ares looks throughtfully at the controls, before a plaque catches his eye... it reads "This is the Pie Machine 3000. It is designed to never be deactivated once it is turned on. Please make sure you are never going to want to turn it off once you activate it."

Frowning at this, Ares walks around to the back of the machine.

Ares: Aha!

Ares unplugs the power cord.

The entire machine whirrs and dies.

Ares: There! Now I might be able to blackmail MZZT... I can see it now... "Good job Ares!" "Yeah, I want compensation now, I did more than you asked!" "What? NO!" "I'll tell the Heroes you were low enough to blackmail me!" "But you're..." "Shut up and pay."

Ares: Ah yes... music to my ears.

maevie enters the room, with her eyes glowing red.

Ares: Oh hi maevie. Here to help destroy the pie machine too?

maevie/darkside: It's been a long time Ares...

Ares: Eh?

m/ds: It's been a long time since we fought at the Arena...

Ares: But maevie, you never...

m/ds: *throws a ball of pure energy at Ares, causing him to fly up and land on a catwalk with a thud* SILENCE MORTAL. I AM DARKSIDE. I AM IT'S PAST, IT'S PRESENT, AND...

Ares: *casyally gets up and brushes himself off* Yeah, yeah, heard it already, remember? And please remember I'm not one of these pitiful Heroes. I'm immortal. You never did get that right.

m/ds: Grr... don't tempt me... *walks toward the stairs leading to the catwalk*

Ares: *stretches his hand toward the pie machine* Take one more step weird-eyes and I destroy your lovely pie-thing!

m/ds: *grins, begins to float up the steps.

Ares: ... bah

m/ds: It is time to end this once and for all. I couldn't kill you in the Arena, but I will kill you here!

Ares: ... I'm immortal.

m/ds: A minor technicality.

Woah! It's the fight of the century of the week all over again! Will Ares be able to defeat Darkside and destroy the pie machine? Who will find Geb, CM or MZZT? The other will find Bill Gates, what will happen there?!?!? Be sure to tune in next time for...

Dan, aka me who poses as MZZT on the internet: Ah, shoot time for breakfast... http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

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NEW! PHP implementation underway!

Cool Matty

09-23-2003, 11:38 AM

Ares, now backed into a corner, for some reason or another, begins to hear voices...

MZZT(AresMindVoices): Remember sugar dumpling! SUGAR DUMPING!

Ares(To Himself): No, I WILL NOT LET IT BE KNOWN!

MZZT: DUMPING! SUUUUUGAR DUMPLING!!!!!!!

Ares: AHHHHHHHHH!

Ares gets up, with his power visibly surrounding him...

Ares: I'm sorry maevie, but I WILL NOT LET THE SECRET BE KNOWN!

Ares dives into maevie, tossing her down the stairs. She gracefully lands, as if not even harmed by the attack.

Ares continues, in a fit of rage, to punch, kick, and otherwise bruise maevie. However, no matter what he does, it seems to do no damage.

Then CM pops in...

CM: ARES! What, IN THE HELL, are you doing?!?!

Ares: I'M FIGHTING MAEVIE, COME HELP ME!

CM: Are you on drugs? Maevie is fighting MZZT! I came here to get your help! All your doing is punching the wall!

Ares looks where he was punching, and notices quite a large dent in the wall. He then realizes it was all an illusion...

Ares: That's some serious magic. I could have sworn she was here.

CM: We must be quick! MZZT can't hold her off for long!

Ares: Right, lets go!

The pair run off down the hallway MZZT took, only to hear screams of MZZT in pain. What will happen to MZZT? What kind of magic was that illusion? Was it even an illusion? STAY TUNED!

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"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

The MAZZTer

09-23-2003, 02:49 PM

[NSP: <CoolMatty> BTW: Anyone posts before me, I shoot on the spot http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif]

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The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!
Website is working again. (Somewhat.)

Cool Matty

09-23-2003, 02:57 PM

Ares and CM charge in to see MZZT being held up in the air by maevie/DS...

MZZT: Gak, cough!

Maevie: This is where you die, hero.

Suddenly, a fire needle flies in, stabbing maevie in the wrist. MZZT falls to the ground, and in his place, is Ares, ready to fire an all-out blast of energy, right in Maevie/DS's face

MZZT: *cough*wait! No! It's maevie inside! Don't kill her*cough*Please!

Ares's energy blast fires off, hearing MZZT just a moment too late. The blast hits Maevie point blank, throwing her 50 feet away into a wall, and pretty much demolishing everything in the path of the blast.

MZZT: MAEVIE!!!!

Ares: What... have I done?

Suddenly, a noise is heard from the demolished wall...

Maevie/DS: DO YOU REALLY THINK I COULD BE DEFEATED THAT EASILY?!

An explosion occurs, throwing concrete in every direction. CM casts Firewall in front of the three, to shield themselves from the projectiles...

Ares: How? That was my most powerful blast! Am I getting weaker?

CM: We can't let her recover. Quick, everyone, we must fight her.

MZZT: We can't do that! It's really maevie inside! The real maevie would never do this!

CM: We don't have much choice in the matter!

Ares: If we bring her to the brink of death, Darkside should leave her body, so that he isn't destroyed along with her. If we can get her that weak, we might be able to save her life, and defeat, for the moment, Darkside....

MZZT: It's too risky.

CM: It's the only plan we've got MZZT. We have to go with it.

MZZT: Fine! But if either of you kill her...

CM: It'll be fine. We all want to keep her alive MZZT.

CM casts firesmoke. The entire room is full of a thick dark smoke. MZZT slips behind Maevie, and kicks her straight into the air. Ares, already in the air waiting, puts all of his energy into a flying kick, throwing Maevie towards the ground at almost MACH 1 speeds.

Maevie, yet again, doesn't even touch the ground. No matter what damage the trio do to her, it doesn't seem to be enough.

Geb: Let me handle this!

All three spin around, to see Geb standing there, with some object behind his back.

Geb: Move out of the way, NOW!

The trio jump out of the way just in time, as a pie comes hurtiling towards Maevie...

Maevie: Ha, it'll take more than that!

Using only energy, the pie is stopped in it's tracks. But then, using the blind spot caused by the previous incoming pie, another one is thrown at her, and hits her directly in the face.

Maevie/DS: AHHHHHH! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! AHHHH!

Geb: Behold, the last remaining evil pie. Used on an evil person, who knows the consequences....

Evil power flies in all directions. Suddenly, the soul of Darkside is seen flying at high-speed away from Maevie and the group. Maevie immediately falls to the ground.

MZZT: Maevie! Are you alright! Speak to me!

CM: Com'on Maevie, be with us!

Geb: I think she's unconscious. We have to get her to a hospital.

The group runs back to the Missle Boat...

MZZT: Geb, you take her to the hospital. There's not enough room for all of us. We'll find our own way out.

Geb: Right. Good luck...

All 'cept Geb: You too...

The missle boat lifts off to the hospital, leaving Ares, CM, and MZZT at Big Ben aka HoH. Will they make it out alive? Will Maevie live? STAY TUNED!

------------------
"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

The MAZZTer

09-23-2003, 03:01 PM

MZZT: ... Wait what have I done... THAT'S MY PRIZED CUSTOMIZED MISSILE BOAT!!!

Inside the Missile Boat

WAI: Hello.

Geb: Who the heck are you?

This short post brought to you by boredom.

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!
Website is working again. (Somewhat.)

JediKirby

09-23-2003, 03:58 PM

The air in London had never been so coarse, so fine. JediKirbyTheWhite let out a breath of mist, taking form as it left his small mouth, only do disappear just as quickly as it had came. JKtW looked across London from high up on the carriage, the little cliché man, with his top hat, his black cloak sitting in the front, urging the horses along. Windows lit with the fires of families, of bachelors, and of widowers. None new what evil was going on just at that moment. None of them knew what sacrifices were being made just so they could all continue living in the world. JKtW shook his head in sadness, then looked up from the horse drawn carriage...

JediKirby The White Ante!

Ahead in the distance, Ante stood behind the heroes, their backs turned, the sweet smell of Pie hung in the air. JKtW jumped from the taxi, yelling to the driver to halt. JKtW drew his White staff, and dived next to Ante...

JediKirby The White Ante! What’s come over them!

Ante I... I don’t know... SAVE MY RAMEN!

JediKirby The White Wait... Are they saying...

EvilHeroes We are Darkside and not the Heroes, we are not under the influence of Pie any longer, Darkside is in control of us... raaaw

JediKirby The White Oh dear... this isn’t good. Ante, I’ll distract them. I need you to run. Run as far and quickly as you can. Get to the Hall of Heroes, take This to Gebohq... No one else. Gebohq MUST have it... do you understand?

Ante But... I can’t hold my Ramen AND that... uh... Thing...

JKtW looks down at the important object, everything resting on its parched pages... The Hall of Heroes, The Heroes, Gebohq... And most importantly, Janitor Bob. JKtW then looks up, noticing the bowl of shining golden noodles, the cold night seeming so much warmer with the Ramen so close. He obviously had to make a sacrifice for something so great...

JediKirby The White closed his eyes, focusing his newly gained powers on the object, he whispered words of incantation, the world around slowing, nothing but him and the object, orbiting each other in time and space, relying only on each other to exist. The object fell to the ground, now materialized as a mere golden ring. The One Ring.

JediKirby The White Take it.

Ante Guys don’t wear Jewelry...

JediKirby The White TAKE IT!

Ante reaches down, placing the ring on his finger, he feels the magic of a thousand mages, the wisdom of a million wisemen, and the femininity of billions of women overtake him. Ante fell to the ground (The Ramen is fine, don’t worry) rolling over, Millions of pieces of knowledge, Thousands of pounds of strength, billions of months of PMS poor into him. Ante finally stops wriggling, his small body seems stronger. His once weak Ramen Noodle focused mind becomes everknowing. His once male hormones become much more feminine. Ante became... The One Ring Barer.

Ante I now understand...

JediKirby The White Good. Now go, and materialize the object from the ring with these 3 words.

Whispers

Ante Giggles, then gets a serious look...

Ante Right...

JediKirby The White Anything else before I stop the Evil Heroes, that just conveniently began having a wonderful conversation?

Ford Oh... My... God, EvilJBob, Where in the WORLD did you get those FABULOUS shoes!? Oh, they’re just darling!

JBob I made them myself Actually, I’ve been watching Martha Stewart lately, the woman is a crafting genius! I’ve got an entire outfit that I made, that matches these shoes!

They Trail Off

Ante ... Yeah... Right... Anyways... Yeah, there was one thing... THIS IS SO FRIGGIN SWEET!

JediKirby The White Just go...

JediKirby The White dives in the middle of the Evil Heroes as Ante runs past them in a full on feminine gallop.

Meanwhile, back at the Hall formerly of Heroes, Bill Gates stands on the balcony, completely unaware that he just let Gebohq Escape, and that his only protection in this entire scenario is Darkside...

Just then, The dark figure from JKtW’s warnin, round in shape steps up behind Gates...

Dark Figure Mr. Gates...

Gates *Turning Around* Who is it...?

Dark Figure Someone with information... And a small tool that may be of use to you...

Gates Tool?

Dark Figure This...

The Dark Figure draws from his cloak, a small parchment. Gates accepts the document, then draws his graphing calculator from his backpack, he types the letters into the computer, then runs his program he wrote from scratch. The program processes for a moment, then divulges the entire message into Binary, Gates’ native tongue. The message read...


From The Labyrinth, I write to you, dear friend. I have found out information that may control the fate of the dark forces. Jedi Kirby The White, Your Arch-Rival, is alive, and well. He’s already plotting you and the rest of the Evil forces death. He also has in possession a book. That book, is none other than... The Future Script of NeS. We only have one chance, one possibility to overcome such a power like this. This book is rumored to have a future written in it, and that future changes with every action. If we can make a decision that gives us the control of the book before they read the book, we will then have the book.

In order to obtain the book, I left you a present... The time Machine. The HoH has a secret underground passageway system, within it, the time machine is. Good luck, good friend.

Signed

The Last True Evil

P.S. If you’re reading this... I’m dead.

What is this strange crap JK the Writer is trying to pull on us!? What’s with all of the Kirby shaped people!? Can’t JK the Writer write about someone BESIDES himself!? And why does he always abuse me? I’m just an otherworldy voice, NOT his *****! Why don’t you all just tune in next time, jeez!

That didn't work right...

------------------
"I was driving along listening to the radio, when Judas Priest comes on. It was 'You've got another thing coming.' All of a sudden, I enter 'VICE CITY RAMAGE MODE' and nearly ran some guy over"
- ]-[ellequin

[This message has been edited by jEDIkIRBY (edited September 23, 2003).]

The MAZZTer

09-24-2003, 04:23 AM

In the realm of the writers... (yeah yeah, it's been awhile...)

MZZTtW: Kirb, wth are you doing? You KNOW the script for NeS is supposed to be spontaineous!

JKtW: Er... I thought it was a good idea at the time... d-_-b

MZZTtW: Bah. I always knew hiring a ball of pink as a writer was trouble... just don't mess up the HoH Geb/MZZT/CM/Area/DarkSide thing, ok?

JKtW: d-_-b

MZZTtW: And don't make your character so cool! Mine isn't that cool... er... *shifteyes*

JKtW: d-_-b

MZZTtW: GAH! Wake UP!!!

JKtW: dO_ob

MZZTtW: *sigh* Never mind...

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!
Website is working again. (Somewhat.)

shade

09-24-2003, 03:26 PM

ShadeTW pokes his head over the cubicle wall to glare down at MZZTTW
"could you keep it down? some of us are trying to sleep...er, think! yeah, think!"
MZZTTW:"who're you?"
ShadeTW:"I am the bane of all Readers! I am the appendix of NeS! I am...Shade...The Writer! wraa! fear me! cower before my awe-inspiring posting format!"
MZZTTW:"uhm...are actually a member of the staff, or did you just sneak in here for the cookies?"
ShadeTW:"there are cookies?! since when?!"

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

The Last True Evil

09-25-2003, 07:23 AM

*Meanwhile, in the middle of all the excitement-*

Random Audience Member: What excitement?

*Eh?*

Random Audience Member: You said 'in the middle of all the excitement'...what excitement? Every plot line (if you can call them as such) is utterly confusing and nonsensical!

*Er...*

James Earl Jones: Heads up!

*Random audience member swings about just in time to be decapitated horribly by a red lightsaber. Thank you, Mr. Jones. We continue;*

*while all this hullabaloo had been transpiring, the immortal soul of The Last True Evil had been travelling. From its body's final resting place under that fateful shady tree in the park, up through the azure sky, to the afterlife.*

TLTE: Ahh...peace at last...

*What afterlife, you say? Is there a God? A Buddha? Who was more accurate in describing our final resting place; the Rastafarians or the Zoroastrians? Our answer; you won't find out in this post. Non-committal vagueness is our specialty. Anyway, for the sake of an attempt at a plot, TLTE floats to 'Heaven', where a Higher Being awaits him at the entrance.

Higher Being: Name?

TLTE: The Last True Evil.

Higher Being: Full name, please.

*TLTE's soul looks about itself, nervously.*

TLTE: *sigh* The Last True Evil Springfield-Wesson.

*The Higher Being raises an eyebrow, or at least, the higher being equivalent.*

HB: 'Springfield-Wesson'? I was lead to believe that you were of Russian descent...

TLTE: *greater sigh* I was a love-child of Rasputin and a prostitute. Neither of them stuck around, so I named myself based on my birthright; weaponry...

HB: Is that a fact?

TLTE: Da.

*The Higher Being consults his higher being-esque file, ticking off a higher state of checklist with a superior being of a pen.*

HB: Well, TLTE, it appears there is a problem. You see, we cannot allow you into 'Heaven'.

*TLTE sighs. He suspected that for his numerous indiscretions as a Russian super-spy, he would go to purgatory, but he had...*

TLTE:...I had hoped against hope that my final moments would...redeem me?

HB: Ah, yes...you're the martyr. *wry smile* You've given us higher entities a marvellous show, you know.

TLTE: Really?

HB: Well, it beats the **** out of Higher Checkers any old day of the week.

*A pause.*

HB: Yes, your love for...Losien? Yes, Losien. Your brief affection for her, and your heroic sacrifice to save...who was it..

TLTE: Gebohq?

*The Higher Being winces.*

HB: Ah yes. How could I forget? There are many that cannot wait until he finds his way up here. But regardless; for saving these two, who are essentially good souls, you too are redeemed. But.

TLTE: But?

HB: But. But you see, there is a problem.

TLTE: I had thought you might say that.

HB: It appears as if, down below, all is not well. Rather than your sacrifice beginning a new era of peace in the NeS, the panic that once consumed us with jediKirby's antics has been replaced by something even more sinister.

TLTE: What? Don't leave me hanging...

HB: Look at this, for starters...

*The Higher Being hands TLTE a copy of the intercepted letter sent to Bill Gates, a few posts earlier.*

TLTE: ...but I didn't write this?!

HB: Exactly.

TLTE: A dreadful plot is unfolding here! I've set into motion events that could destroy the world of NeS!

HB: Perhaps. But all is not so grim yet. The Heroes are divided and warring because of Darkside's pie machinations, and Gebohq is still off the radar, but we're willing to offer you the chance to redeem yourself, go down and save them all.

TLTE: But...I'm dead!

HB: So it would appear.

TLTE: I died a hero's end, I can't return! It's a phony plot schtick that'll totally cheapen the only meaningful moment that the NeS ever had!

HB: We'll give you cool angelic powers.

TLTE: Beam me down, tovarish.

HB: Wait, there's more. You can't do this alone.

TLTE: No? Why not? I'm a valiant fighter with espionage experience and the-

HB: This is exactly the problem. You're too serious.

TLTE: Eh?

HB: For a NeS character, I mean. You keep trying to turn the story into an epic-epic. You need a comic foil.

*The Higher Being waves, and the gates fly open. Out of the impressive clouds and smoke comes a man dressed in a standard heroes' black overcoat combination, but with a giant red "A" on the front and back of his shirt. He unfortunately ruins the magnificence of the moment by munching on a piece of charred toast. He walks up to TLTE, obviously disoriented.*

Man: I had dreamed...HEY!

TLTE: What?

Man: Care for some toast? It's wonderful stuff *whispers* when its not tearing out your throat, that is...

TLTE: Huh?

Man: Toast; eat it before it eats you, that's my philosophy. Oh, and don't double-dip. Say, have you seen Muuurgh? Or Wuss? Or Lomin Ale....Bringdeath, maybe...

TLTE: Who is this idiot?

*The HB laughs, in a very ethereal higher fasion.*

HB: The Last True Evil, meet Absolver.

*Absolver smiles, nods, then growls at his half-eaten toast and tosses it away, chasing after it immediately and pouncing.*

HB: We found him in a collapsed thread over at the Command Chamber, screaming for fulfillment. We took him here, unsure of where to put him. Finally, it seems, he has found his niche.

TLTE: You expect me to save the world with him helping me?

HB: Don't worry about Absolver. He's been in many a fierce battle, and somehow turns out OK.

*TLTE turns his gaze to his new partner, who is currently locked in a heated battle to the death with his piece of toast.*

TLTE: He must have been through quite some trauma.

HB: Nah. He's always like that.

Absolver, a reputed hero with a penchant for toast-related action, joins the NeS roster as TLTE enlists his aid to save the day. But can even these two, er..valiant men help the frankly helpless situation back on earth? Actually, I don't know. I'm asking you.

Highemperor

09-25-2003, 12:28 PM

In the Neverending Tower, Highemperor is - hey, what's this? A force screen is set up around his desk? I can't get through! Dangit! ARGH! My omnipotent power is being undermined! Noooooooooo!

Highemp: *munching* Care for a donut?

Sure. *munch* Mmm. . . thanks. *goes off elsewhere, probably to bother Gebohq*

Highemp: *whispers crazily to himself as he hunches over his computer in his cramped cubicle* Very interesting. I'm cataloguing all the most powerful, the most evil, and the most pure of heart and hungry of stomach throughout the entire OmNicron. I've discovered that all these things can be found in NeS. Let's update my list.

-----

Highemp's List

MOST POWERFUL

donuts - this is the primal hunger at the core of all living things

Editorship - The position of Editor over all the OmNicron.

MOST EVIL

Darkside 3000 - Darkside from the year 3000, appearing on page 50, according to JK the White's FSotNeS (Future Script of the NeS)

High Imp - Ruler of the Tenth Hell, more evil than Jar Jar Binks, Matthew Pate, Bill Gates, or even *gasp* Gettle's Keyboarding Teacher.

MOST PURE OF HEART AND HUNGRY OF STOMACH

Gebohq - Hands down. Well, for the hungry of stomach part, anyway, which of course is all that counts

-----

Highemp: Hmmm. . . now this can be worked to my advantage, I simply know it can.

-----

In the wherever-Geb-and-MZZT-are. . .

Maeve: *vomits*

Geb: Yes! She's awake! Maeve, are you alright?

Maeve: ... Stop leaning over me, that's why I vomited in the first place.

Geb: Oh.

Suddenly a portal opens, and through it, Highemp's face can be seen.

Highemp: Hear me, ye heroes that yet remain. I yet live. And though the others yet live under Darkside's spell, there is yet hope for them. And yet-

MZZT: Shaddap with the yet's already!

Geb: Highemp! *rushes to hug Highemp through the portal, and he (Highemp) comes crashing down through the portal in a most undignified manner*

Highemp: *picking himself and dusting himself off* *dryly* Thanks, Geb. That's all I needed right now. My grand entrance SPOILED thanks to your-

Maeve: *vomits again* *on Highemp's shoes* *on purpose*

Highemp: *glare*

Geb: Alright, enough, people, let us keep the peace.

MZZT: Okay, fine. Let's get going to save the heroes. I know how to cure them.

Highemp: Yes, but there is a quicker way. The evil pies - which are in fact, purely feel-good pies, as you know, MZZT - can be counteracted by doughnuts*!

-----

*This was the importance to the plot of the correct spelling of doughnut by Geb earlier.

-----

Geb: Whee! That's great!

Suddenly a golden sheen can be seen coming from the sky - or ceiling, if they're inside; I'm too lazy to check - and two figures appear, both winged in haloes of light, grand and epic they are, when-

*CRASH*

TLTE: Oof.

Absolver: *crashing into Maeve* Oops. Sorry, mate.

Geb: Absolver! *runs to hug him but is stopped by Highemp*

Highemp: You can't just go around hugging people all day, Geb. It slows us down.

Geb: Hey, bucko, YOU'RE the one who said I was most pure of heart.

Absolver: Sup, mate?

TLTE: Kindly shut up, man, while I explain our mission to these mere mortals.

Highemp: *bristling* I am no mere mortal, and you'd best remember that.

TLTE: Da, Da, whatever. Anyway, ol' Saint Pete told us what we had to do, and that's to-

Highemp: Stop the coming Zero Hour?

TLTE: Well, I was gonna say stop Darkside and TFFE, THEN stop Zero Hour, but yeah.

Absolver: Hey, how'd ya know?

Highemp: I know many things. As I said, I am no mere mortal.

TLTE: *whispers to Highemp* You might wanna tone down the seriousness bit just a tad. Or you'll get stuck with someone like Absolver.

Highemp: Huh?

TLTE: Nothing. Forget it.

Geb: Anyhow, we need to get to Stonehenge. Galrek should have everyone gathered by now.

TLTE: No problem, I'll teleport us there. What's the use of cool angelic powers if you don't get to use them?

-----

Two seconds later, the entire group appears miles in the sky above Stonehenge.

Highemp: *to TLTE, watching Geb, MZZT, Absolver, and Maeve fall* Perhaps it might be wise to remember that not everyone can fly.

TLTE: Right. *dives down to catch them*

Highemp: *sigh* Why are the dumb ones always the ones chosen by destiny?

Because it's always funnier when the dumb ones are the ones chosen by destiny.

Highemp: No one asked you. *zooms down to the ground, where the others have made it quite safely, thanks to TLTE's timely catch*

Well, the others except Absolver. He slammed into the ground and went six feet under.

Geb: He's dead?

MZZT: Again?

Maeve: Good riddance.

No, I mean he went six feet under. The ground. You know? Underground?

Highemp: NOW do you see what I mean, Narrator?

Yeah, yeah, rub it in, why doncha?

Highemp: *smirk* I was.

Dr. Dormouse: *poking head above ground from hole Absolver made* Oh, hallo. You'll never believe what I just found!

MZZT: Absolver, dead as a doornail?

TLTE: *holds breath*

Dormouse: No.

Highemp: An anti-Euclidean geometrical pattern detailing the intricacies of the universe?

Dormouse: Well, yes, but that's not what I was talking about.

Geb: Donuts?

Everyone turns to look at Geb.

Geb: Hey, just asking.

Dr. Dormouse: Actually, that's exactly what I found.

Geb: Yes! Score one for ol' Geb!

Maeve: Considering you've had 49 pages of trying, that's not too good.

Geb: Hush you.

Everyone descends into the hole, where they discover a huge complex in the center of the ancient underground city Dormouse discovered. The buildings and towers are crafted entirely out of brick, stone, and dirt, yet have held up throughout the eons thanks to incredibly advanced plot-hole-stabiliziation technology (PHS tech). A pattern traced in plotlines is woven through the air up into the aboveground Stonehenge area itself.

Galrek has rounded up Antestarr and JK the White, and they are waiting with Dr. Dormouse and a very black and bruised Absolver.

Geb: You should be dead!

Absolver: I AM dead. That's why I can't die.

Highemp: 'It is given once to a man to die, twice to be judged, and no more.'

*smacks Highemp on the head for bringing a religious quote into the story*

Highemp: Sorry.

There is also an ancient bakery just beyond the plotline pattern, filled with doughnuts.

Maeve: So what is all this?

JK the White: Behold the great realm and druidic city Doughnutdelf.

Maeve: Riiiight. And that means what?

Highemp: The ancient druids of Britannia were wise beyond measure. They knew that doughnuts - not donuts, mind you, but DOUGHNUTS - were the ultimate force in the universe. Thus they built the world's finest bakery here, and constructed this plotline pattern with their PHS technology to make a universal Weave by which no one could ever surpass their doughnuts, and they would conquer all time and space.

MZZT: If what you say is true, then why DIDN'T they conquer all time and space?

JK the White: Well, two kids came along and tossed the baker in the oven.

Galrek: Two kids?

Antestarr: *lazily* Surely you've heard of the story "Hansel and Gretel"? Based on fact, though the druids did NOT eat children, so don't worry.

Maeve: *huffily* I wasn't.

Dr. Dormouse: But do you understand that scientific significance of this? A non-Euclidean geometry governs the cosmos! Why-

As he rants on, everyone ignores him.

Geb: So my instincts to gather at Stonehenge were right on the money.

Highemp: As they say, follow your stomach. Now, all that remains is to USE these doughnuts to cure the other heroes!

------------------
Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)!

[This message has been edited by Highemperor (edited September 25, 2003).]

The MAZZTer

09-25-2003, 02:51 PM

MZZT: I say we call a dump truck.

Geb: No! They're mine! All mine! *dives into huge pile of doughnuts*

MZZT: *shakes his head* He'll get over the shock once he gets full.

maevie: A dump truck? Why not lure all the affected heroes here somehow?

TLTE: I can move the doughnuts with my angelic powers!

Highemp: I can send them through a plot hole so they end up at the HoH!

CM: I say we upload them to my server and download them at the HoH!

...

CM: Hey, anything's possible with NeS!

TLTE: What about Absolver? Doesn't he have anything to suggest?

Everyone turns to see Absolver, munching on a doughnut.

Absolver: Er... lost my toast. *munch munch*

Ares: I can just use my super god-of-war powers to make these doughnits FLY!

Ares uses his super god-of-war powers to make the doughnuts FLY!

CM: GAH!! What the HECK are you doing!

Geb: Oh no! I'm stuck! Heeeeelp!!!

Geb floats away with the huge mountain of doughnuts... they burst a hole in the ceiling, and begin to fly away...

ALL: WTF

Ares: Er...

MZZT: Sugar.

Ares: Wait!

MZZT: Dumpling.

maevie: Eh? Sugar WHAT?!?!

Ares: Um!!! I like sugared dumplings... anyways, the doughnuts are flying toward the HoH, never fear!

All: -_-

Dr. Dormouse: Amazing! Flying doughnuts... *takes out a clipboard and furiously beigns to record his observations*

WAI: Uh... what just happened?

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!
Website is working again. (Somewhat.)

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited September 25, 2003).]

shade

09-25-2003, 04:19 PM

after having made his way through countless tunnels, Galrek finally finds his way into Doughnutdelf, just in time to watch the enourmous mound of doughnuts go floating away

Galrek:"do you have to do that? I know what I'm doing. and besides, those aren't countless tunnels, there are approximately 231.3 give or take a hundredth of a tunnel."

you know it, but the readers don't. and how can you have 3/10s of a tunnel?

Galrek:"that last one was really small. now, will you shut up and let me do some plot advancing?"

yeah, yeah, yeah...

still slightly perturbed by the floating mound of doughnuts, Galrek stumbles over to trip over Dr. Dormouse and falls down, landing flat on his face at maeve's feet.

"ouch"

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

JediKirby

09-25-2003, 05:48 PM

Suddenly, out of no where, a plot hole appears under shade, sucking him in, bringing him to the last time he posted

Shade Where am I?

Ghost of the Past You're at the last time you posted, see how it's all pushed together?

Shade Um... Yeah?

Another Plot Hole sucks Shade in, bringing him to the present

Ghost of the Present This is your current post, notice how it's spaced evenly?

Shade You know, now that you mention it...

Once again, a plot hole sucks Shade in, bringing him to the future, where the 'Shade-posts library' stands. On one side of the library is a sign above lots of books, the sign reads 'Shades Posts, A.S.' while the other side of the library houses 1 large book lying open on a pedestal. The type on the book is completely scrunched together, the only spacings between lines is the author's decencies to space between posts. Above this book is a sign, reading 'Shade's Posts, B.S.'

Shade B.S.? A.S.?

Ghost of the Future Before Spacing, and After Spacing. See, before spacing was BS, after spacing wasn't. Now, if you want to keep with the BS, change the post you just made. Or you could continue along a path of well spaced posts, making your posts worth reading. The choice is yours.

Shade So, I can either make more BS, or I can make more AS. What's AS?

Ghost of the Future Where'd that plothole go!?

What's this!? Shade spaces out his posts! Suddenly the good writer is revealed from the mangled posts of words without spacing... is this a new trend of AS? Or will the BS Continue!? It all relies on Shade's decision! Find out next time Shade posts, on The NeS Thread!

------------------
"I was driving along listening to the radio, when Judas Priest comes on. It was 'You've got another thing coming.' All of a sudden, I enter 'VICE CITY RAMAGE MODE' and nearly ran some guy over"
- ]-[ellequin

[This message has been edited by jEDIkIRBY (edited September 25, 2003).]

The MAZZTer

09-25-2003, 06:20 PM

In the writers' realm...

MZZT the writer is in his cubicle, on his computer, working hard on another post for NeS.

MZZTtW: Hmm.. do de doo... woo! Rancor!

shadetW: MZZT!

MZZTtW: WRAAA *Alt-F4s* I was NOT playing Jedi Academy!

shadetW: Sure. Whatever. Did you read what Kirb wrote about my writing style?!?!

MZZTtW: Oh, yeah, I was thinking about talking to him again. He makes an NeS script... quite annoyed me... then this... well... the "this" isn't really a problem actually, I tend to agree with him. A little bit.

shadetW: What?!? I come for support, and this is what I get!?!? A Pink sympathiser! Humph.

MZZTtW: WTH I'm not pink...

shadetW: But you sympathise with it.

MZZTtW: Er... yeah....

shadetW: So, what are you gonna do about it?

MZZTtW: Huh?

shadetW: -_- Kirb's post?!?

MZZTtW: Look, I can't DO anything about it. Just because I talked to him before about the script thing... it didn't change did it? (Not that I care.) Talk to Geb, he's a mod.

shadetW: A what?

MZZTtW: Er, I said the editor. Geb is the editor.

shadetW: You're not making RL references again, are you?

MZZTtW: Certantly not. Now get out of my cubicle please, I have to beat the Ranc... I mean, post more NeS stuff!

shadetW: I'm not in it.

MZZTtW: That's because it's too small. Now be a good fellow and get Geb to give me a bigger cubicle. Thanks!

shadetW: *sigh* I feel unimportant.

MZZTtW: Bleh, I'm sorry... Seriously, just try pressing enter TWICE instead of once after a line, like I do. Makes for logical partitions.

shadetW: Well... I dunno... sounds pretty silly to me, having to press a key twice...

MZZTtW: Just try it, k?

shadetW walks away mumbling something about stupid computers.

Suddenly, a yell is heard from across the room, over the cubicles.

jEDIkIRBYtW: I HEARD THAT WHOLE THING MEGA! YOU'RE GONNA BURN!

MZZTtW: HAHA, JUST TRY AND FIND MY CUBICLE!

jEDIkIRBYtW: ... dangit... NEVERMIND.

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The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!
Website is working again. (Somewhat.)

DrkJedi82

09-25-2003, 07:01 PM

Back at teh secret base of Jim7 a slight rumble is heard just before a firey hole in the air opens.

Jim7: stepping out of the portal he created Good to be home.

just then from the dark corner of the office the sound of many souls screaming is heard

Darkside: yes it is...

Jim7: I see you've taken your true form... I had forgotten how ugly you really are.

Darkside: I have come to destroy you.

Jim7: Well there is a problem with that plan, you see I am satan which means I am very much immortal.

Darkside: We'll see about that.

Jim7: I think not.

Just then Jim7 begins speaking a language older than Darkside, the NeS, the writers realm, and the doughnuts which are currently flying towards the HoH... The entire NeS becomes dark as night and a loud rumbling voice is heard across all planes of existance. Just then the wall behind Darkside cracks open and something beyond description pulls him into the wall.

Jim7: That should hold him for a while.

mommy...

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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

The MAZZTer

09-25-2003, 07:12 PM

Suddenly the doughnuts are confused by the darkening of the HoH and lose it for a second. They fly around randomly for a couple of seconds before zooming back to the HoH. In that time, a few of the doughnuts got separated, and zoomed off in random directions. Our hero is clinging to one of these doughnuts.

Geb: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!!

Shouting won't help you.

Geb: Dangit, HELP ME!!! Darn you narrator!!!

All I can say is hang on for a few more minutes.

Geb: Easy for you to say...

Ahem... a few minutes later...

In Jim7's Secret Base...

Jim: Yes, that worked quite nicely.

Darkside *Other worldly/dimentionly tone*: AUUUUGH!!

Jim: Er... I didn't hear that.

Darkside: You are quite annoying. Since when were YOU satan!?!?

Jim7: Since last post, I guess...

[i]*CRASH*

Jim7: Wth, GEBOHQ!!!

Darkside: GEBOHQ!

Tony *hiding under Jim's desk in fear*: Mommy?

Geb: *stands up, doughnut in hand* er... um... *sees darkside and jim7* Anyone want a doughnut?

Darkside: *grinning* Sure... come a little closer...

Geb: Er... *gebs it*

Darkside: DANGIT, GET BACK HERE! *takes off in pursuit*

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!
Website is working again. (Somewhat.)

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited September 25, 2003).]

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited September 25, 2003).]

Gebohq

09-25-2003, 11:02 PM

Back at the ancient and rather creepy underground city below StoneHendge, the motley crew of NeSians stand around.

All: ...

Mostly being dumbstruck, it would seem.

Ares: I don't like your tone!

Ante: Perhaps you could have done without sending all the donuts via magic air-mail with Gebohq.

Ares: Be glad I'm not in the mood to kill you.

WAI: Would someone care to explain what's happening?

Dor: Well--

MZZT: --perhaps later.

Dor: http://forums.massassi.net/html/confused.gif

CoolMatty: So what do we do now?

Kirby: Attempt the recovery of the Hall of Heroes, I would hope.

maevie: Uh, guys...?

[character check list]Dr. Dormouse, The Last True Evil, Absolver, Highemperor, JK the White, CoolMatty, The Mega_ZZTer, Ares, Antestarr, and Galrek the Neutral all turn to Maeve, and freeze in horror, some more consciously than others.[/character check list] The personification of all that is insane, a monster of epic proportions that resembled something of a squid, a dragon, and a human, stood before Maeve and the rest of the NeSians.

Cthulhu: Alright, which of you took all my doughnuts?

*stunned silence*

Cthulhu: *sigh* This could take a while...

(NSP: I introduced the whole Cthulhu reference as a comparison to the insanity that NeS has itself, though I really like the whole "underground tunnels of plotline" deal. Just wanted to throw it out again before it was forgotten. Man, are you all on fire with the posting! Keep it up! If you want any general stuff Krig and I have thought up, let one of us know via e-mail, IM or the #NeS IRC channel, and we can send you what we have, but is not by any means necessary for continuing.)

The Last True Evil

09-26-2003, 05:20 AM

*Absolver and TLTE slowly edge to the front of the crowd. Absolver has dealt with much insanity in his career, and TLTE has spent enough time around Absolver, to not be as awestruck as the rest of the crowd.*

TLTE: All right. I'll attack it head-on and die valiantly - you kill it when it buggers itself out eating me.

Absolver: Don't worry, mate! I used to deal with massive monsters of hideous evil allll the time back in my heyday in the 'Toaster' saga!

TLTE: Really? How did you do it?

Absolver: Well, about now the monster will -

*Cthulhu rampages forward suddenly, smashing into Absolver, sending him flying hundreds of feet across the cavern into the wall.*

Absolver: And now, someone competent will kill it.

*He passes out.*

*Highemperor leaps forward to TLTE's side*

Highemp: Fear not! Let me deal with the beast! I have cool powers too!

*He flies into the air, spinning impressively and drawing many 'oohs' and 'ahhs' from the rapt audience, pirouetting in mid-flight just in time to catch a blast of fire from the monster's dragon head. Highemperor blinks, motionless, then drops to the ground.*

TLTE: This is interesting. In a macabre way, that is.

*JK the White leaps unto to the breach.*

JK the White: Make way! The character I am shamelessly ripping off could take on ten dragons in the tweak of a nipple!

*The analogy totally lost on everyone, he rushes forward and nearly doesn't get a Cthulhu square in the face.*

TLTE: Ouch.

*Dormouse, CoolMatty and MZZT all nervously step forward.*

Dormouse: We...we're all going to get hurt to, aren't we?

TLTE: *nods*

*All three sigh resignedly, then rush to getting whupped.*

TLTE: Hmmm. I should probably attack myself soon...

*Ares yawns, then lazily steps forward.*

Ares: I suppose I'll have to defeat the scourge, eh?

TLTE: You ain't just whistling dixie, tovarish.

*Ares swaggers forward and gets beaten up, which is fairly surprising, although not so much if you consider the score to date.*

*Galrek, Maeve and TLTE form a defensive circle as the insane beast looms...*

The MAZZTer

09-26-2003, 05:42 AM

MZZT quickly recovers from the blow. Embarrassed at his defeat, he slinks off, while Galrek, Maeve, and TLTE are being circled by Cthulhu.

TLTE: MZZT, get back here!

MZZT: Carp. Thanks TLTE.

Cthulhu: Hmm? One of the doughnut theves is trying to escape?

MZZT: ... @#$% *gets up and runs*

Cthulhu chases after MZZT, and they approach a wide... and deep... underground chasm.

MZZT: ... @#$%

Galrek *from far away*: Huh? Is there an echo in here?

Cthulhu roars in victory as MZZT stops at the edge of the chasm... Cthulhu stands just feet away now.

MZZT takes a doubtful look into the chasm, and then to Cthulhu... and then jumps off!

Cthulhu: Ha. Pitiful human.

Cthulhu turns around, and sees maevie, Galrek, and TLTE running for a door!

Cthulhu gives an angry roar. The whole place shakes, and the enterance caves in! Luckily, the three are running in a different direction, and quickly leave the main cavern.

Cthulhu: Haha! You can't escape! *gives chase*

A few moments later

MZZT pulls himself up onto the ledge he was hanging off of. He then jumps up and grabs onto the lip of the chasm, pulling himself out of it.

MZZT: *brushing himself off* Well, that was fun... we need to get back to the HoH though! *heads over to the group of unconscious heroes*

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!
Website is working again. (Somewhat.)

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited September 26, 2003).]

Highemperor

09-26-2003, 06:22 AM

Pile of Ashes that Used to Be Highemperor: Just my luck. . .

In the blink of an eye - or rather, of the bit of ash that used to be Highemp's eye - he is transformed back into normal form.

Highemp: Hey, I'm not a Character(TM) for nothing!

May I remind our readers - not to mention my imaginary audience - that Highemp is both character and writer, being HighemptheWriter in the body of HighemptheCharacter. Which is why he has such cool powers.

Imaginary Audience Member: Who is writing this script?!

IAM #2: Well, JKtheWriter, cuz he wrote the FutureScriptofNeS, which is now in GebtheWriter's hands, as revealed by that email he sent the writers from his cubicle in the Massassi Forums building which all the writers should read. [/shameless plug]

IAM #3: *sigh*

*rolls eyes* ConTINuing. . .

*in the Hall of Heroes*

Darkside has Geb cornered at the end of one hand of Big Ben (the short hand, which is pointing to 3) in a climactic confrontation. A hush builds, filled by the screaming of a thousand lost souls, as Darkside's true nature is revealed. Geb backs away slowly, slips on the edge of the hand, falls, reaches out his arm to catch himself-

Geb: *plummeting* Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Suddenly, his outstretched hand grabs ahold of the long hand, lower down, and he swings it around the clock all the way to the short hand, knocking Darkside off his perch.

Darkside: *plummeting* This is so unfa- *CRASH*

And so Darkside's six feet under.

Geb: You mean six feet underground?

No, I mean six feet under. Dead. Deader than a doornail. Gone. Vanished. Poof. God's way of saying slowing down. Kicked the bucket.

Geb: So he's in Hell, plotting with High Imp against me now, is he?

-----

In Hell, where High Imp and Darkside are plotting against Geb. . .

Darkside: Dagnabit, he's onto us!

-----

Yes, Geb, but forewarned is four-armed.

Geb: I think you mean "forearmed".

No, I mean four-armed. Look.

Geb: Ack! I have four arms now!

Actually, if you think about it, it's pretty cool. Imagine what the ladies will think when you show how much you can multitask around the house for them.

Geb: Hey! That's right! *saunters off proudly*

*snickers*

------------------
Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)!

Cool Matty

09-26-2003, 07:05 AM

CM and Wai stand again in the underground plotline tunnels...

Wai: So how, exactly, did we end up here?

CM: I'm not sure, but I would bet my money that it's your fault.

CM: Wait, now I remember... MZZT was coming over to check on everyone, when you got up, and decided to blast a way out of the cavern...

Wai: Oh yea, that's right!

CM: But all you did was make the chasm bigger, and swallow us all, leaving us stuck in the tunnels again.

Wai: Where's MZZT, Ares, and Dor then?

All Three: Behind you...

CM spins around, to see MZZT, Dor, and Ares all on top of eachother, in some very visible pain...

Ares: WILL YA'LL GET OFF OF ME?

MZZT: I would if Dor would get his knee out of my back!

Dor: It's not my fault! Ares has his arm locked around my leg!

CM: Hold on, I'll fix this.

CM casts a very low-power whirlwind, splitting all three of them apart, and accidentally throwing them all into the walls.

MZZT: If you have that powerful magic, why didn't you use it earlier?

CM: Dunno. Blame it on Wai. It's what I do.

Ares: Something's coming!

A dark figure appears in view... it seems to have for arms, with circles for hands...

Figure: Man, who would have thought? Four arms are useful! I can double my donut intake with these!

MZZT: There's only one person who obsesses about donuts like that...

Geb: Oh, Hi ya'll. How'd you end up down here?

Dor: Long story. What about you? What's with the arms?

Geb: Well, it involved darkside, donuts, and a very annoying narrator...

HEY! Watch it bub!

Geb: VERY annoying narrator...

You asked for it...

Then, for no particular reason, Geb's extra 2 arms fall off!

Geb: Why you little... if you had a physical presence, I'd take you down so fast you'd be seeing donut holes!

MZZT: Wait, what did you just say?

Geb: Donut holes?

MZZT: I just got the greatest idea... Everyone wait right here...

MZZT runs off down the tunnels. He returns with a whole lot of parts and tools. He then begins working on some sort of device.

MZZT: Someone get me as many donut holes as you can find...

Ares: I'll get 'em. My replacement Viper should have arrived by now...

Later, after everything has been built, and the donut holes taken care of, MZZT introduces his device...

MZZT: I call it, the Donut Hole Uber Destructive Godlike Unholy Neutralizer, or DHUDGUN for short.

CM: What's it do?

MZZT: It shoots Donut holes... at high speeds. Basically, taking down evil from long range!

Ares: Niiiice.

How will this new weapon be put to use? What the hell is going on? YOU TELL ME!

------------------
"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

The MAZZTer

09-26-2003, 07:12 AM

MZZT *proudly*: Sometimes I'm so smart I scare myself.

ego[MZZT]++;

MZZT: Shut up.

MZZT: BTW, Ares, how did you get outside, the enterance caved in, remember?

Ares: ... Uh oh...

ALL: PLOTHOLE!!! AHHH!!!

Everyone falls into the plothole, and appear outside.

CM: Woah.

WAI: Error. Unable to process.

Galv: Ditto.

MZZT: Galv? How...?

Dr. Dormouse: The nature of plotholes is quite random, yah!

Geb: Hmmm... I see everyone from the cavern here... and Galv... but my count is off by one...

Ares: You're right. I'm counting one more than there should be...

Cthulhu: Cthulhu hate light!

All: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Everyone gets into Ares' nearby Dodge Viper, except Cthulhu of course.

MZZT: DRIVE ARES!!! DRIVE FAST!!!

Ares puts the car into gear and takes off.

Ares: Don't worry! I have lots of experience driving fast... er... yeah...

maevie: Awww... what a cute puppie... Ares what's her name?

SD: Bark!

Ares: ... @#$%

maevie: *gasp* That's not a nice thing to name your puppy!

maevie huggles Sugar Dumpling

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!
Website is working again. (Somewhat.)

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited September 26, 2003).]

The Last True Evil

09-26-2003, 07:23 AM

Extract from 'HISTORY OF THE NES VOLUME 4,321; THE "GOLDEN AGE"'

"...and with the addition of a new plot line, the right combination of writers and sheer luck, the NeS enjoyed something of a Renaissance, both in the quality and quantity of posting. All was well, until-"

At this point a convenient coffee stain makes the rest of the lesson irrelevant.

DrkJedi82

09-26-2003, 10:28 AM

Back at teh secret base of Jim7 we see Jim7 playing BF1942 as if it had some significance to this particular post...

Jim7: did you hear something?

Tony: no...

Jim7: oh well...

Just then Jim7 is killed in the game

Jim7: in that loud booming voice that makes everything dark and also makes stuff start shaking KJLHGSINJKAIHUJDJNGJKDSJJKGPAGHJKASKJHGSDFLKJGASKJ LGKJASJKJHF (Note: this is a very naughty word in the ancient language Jim7 speaks... it is very hard to pronounce and is very evil)

Somewhere in a far off land where life is peaceful in a beautiful city we see the happy people going about their lives when suddenly all goes dark and the city bursts into flames.

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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

shade

09-26-2003, 05:28 PM

for that comment...I shall not make another post today. you will all have to wait till tomorrow to read my literary masterpieces...who knows, maybe I'll even take on the skill of posting for multiple characters! or maybe I'll just continue working on this wierd spacing thing...*mutters darkly about nothing in particular*

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

The MAZZTer

09-26-2003, 06:29 PM

[NSP: Sorry shade, I tried to make my post go in your favor, I guess it didn't tho eh... sorry http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif Seriously tho, it really helps improve readability, just try it! http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif]

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The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!
Website is working again. (Somewhat.)

Hard_Driver

09-27-2003, 03:03 PM

Jovan is continuously begging Sine to give him the build of his Nar Shaddaa level.

Sine: No.

Turned down again, he goes back to playing Jedi Academy's Coruscant level thinking it will satisfy him.

Jovan: Raven is supposed to be professional... so how come this isn't 1337 enough???

Jovan cries in shame and then gets a bright idea.

Jovan: I will start making levels with the release of Half-Life 2 and be 1337er than everyone else!!!

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I started the second religion/cult to stem from Masssassi... Gebohqism! All hail Gebohq and his 1337 Dr. Pepper drinking Admin ways!

shade

09-27-2003, 05:18 PM

hard_drive...although NeS has virutally no plot line to think of and is generally believed to be quite possibly the oddest story short of something writted by douglas adams...we do try to make the various additions to the story line connect together so that it at least makes sense...now, having said that, I must ask you this.
How on earth does your post have any relevance whatsoever to the two sides of the NeS? did you perchance intend to post that elsewhere?
now, having asked my questions, I shall go think hard and make my brain go hurty. later!

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

The MAZZTer

09-28-2003, 10:19 AM

[NSP: Actually shade, I try to write in Adams' style (I think it's become subconscious now tho... erk... =/). And Jovan/HD... I have to agree with shade. if you want to write in the NeS, you have to at least get your character involved with other characters in the NeS. You can't just start a whole 'nother story right in the middle of NeS (someone else tried to do that once... I just skipped over his stories after trying to read them, because they didn't fit in to NeS at all and therefore I didn't need to read them... =/)]

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!
Website is working again. (Somewhat.)

cazor

09-28-2003, 10:27 AM

*cazor comes into the ISB for the first time... sees all the people who dont even post on the other forums, then cries and laughs*

...

*lights ISB on fire and runs*

------------------
There are two asses in Massassi... and I'm one of them.
The Matrix Unplugged (http://ut2k3net.com/cazor/TMU.html)|The Valley of the Jedi Tower (http://massassi.net/levels/files/2630.shtml)|Smaug's Lair (http://massassi.net/levels/files/2731.shtml)

The Last True Evil

09-28-2003, 05:56 PM

[NSP: I don't think either Cazor or HD are trying seriously to become posters here; technically speaking, we've just been spammed.]

*Absolver spots the flaming thread, runs to it, throws it on the floor and stamps on it until the flames cease. When the smoke clears, he realises he has done more damage than the fire itself, laughs nervously, scribbles down the name of a respectable insurance company and runs.*

cazor

09-28-2003, 06:04 PM

You're about 7 hours too late to stop the fire from where it started http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif It would have burned down four ISBs by the time you got to it.

------------------
There are two asses in Massassi... and I'm one of them.
The Matrix Unplugged (http://ut2k3net.com/cazor/TMU.html)|The Valley of the Jedi Tower (http://massassi.net/levels/files/2630.shtml)|Smaug's Lair (http://massassi.net/levels/files/2731.shtml)

The Last True Evil

09-29-2003, 06:52 AM

Oh really? I suppose you were the kid playing "Cowboys and Indians" that would never admit when you got shot, right?

Then take this; I magically heal the ISB and banish you to back to the forums where you belong (times infinity NO returns)!

Now, back to the NeS http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by The Last True Evil (edited September 29, 2003).]

Ganondorf

09-30-2003, 10:31 AM

Thread Hijack!

So how was your day? http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

------------------

Gideon:
Tell me, how will this brave new world enhance my ability to play solitaire and read porn e-mail?

Ford

09-30-2003, 12:57 PM

suddenly, a comet comes crashing down on top of gannondorf, pulling along a SSD. Ironicly, the last thing the captain of the SSD said was, "Fine, how are you?"

------------------
<Dormouse> there are very few things quite as comforting as smelling like a close friend.

We are only human, perfect in our imperfections. - Erin amie du Dor

<Dormouse> it's really cute in the way that a sherman tank with a fuzzy steering wheel is cute

cazor

09-30-2003, 01:27 PM

Originally posted by The Last True Evil:
Oh really? I suppose you were the kid playing "Cowboys and Indians" that would never admit when you got shot, right?


Eh... check the time difference from when I lit it on fire and when you posted. Oh thats right... i win. *moon-walks out of the ISB*

------------------
There are two asses in Massassi... and I'm one of them.
The Matrix Unplugged (http://ut2k3net.com/cazor/TMU.html)|The Valley of the Jedi Tower (http://massassi.net/levels/files/2630.shtml)|Smaug's Lair (http://massassi.net/levels/files/2731.shtml)

Thrawn[numbarz]

09-30-2003, 04:33 PM

Thrawn42689 appears suddenly.

"Where am I? What's going on?" he asks. "Can somebody give me a recap?"

------------------
New Half-Life 2 Screenshots! (Updated Daily) (http://www.outwar.com/page.php?x=1112267)

Cool Matty

10-01-2003, 07:47 AM

And back to the current plotline...

CM: It's a little cramped for this many people, isn't it?

Ares: It's a dodge viper, it's not meant for more than like, 2 people.

SD: Ruff!

Ares: NOBODY ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION!

Maevie: Why are you so mean to this poor dog?!

Ares: Why does Zeus hate me so? Anyway, throw that thing out the window and lets get out of here!

Maevie: I will not!

Ares: Fine, I'll do it myself!

Ares grabs the dog, opens his window, and starts to throw the dog out, when he suddenly realizes that no one else is driving the car, and is about to drive off a cliff into the sea below...

Ares: Uh, crap?

ALL: We're gonna die!

SD: Woof!

The car drives off a cliff, falling 250, 500, 750, 1000 meters...

Wai: Just how high is this cliff?

MZZT: Apparently, pretty high...

The water rapidly approaches them... CM calls up his magic power, and teleports them all up back to the top of the cliff, leaving the car to fall into the sea...

All: OOF!

MZZT: Nice save CM...

CM: Heh, thanks. But I'm done magic-wise for about the next 3 weeks...

Ares (With SD on his head):You could have left the dog in the car...

The dog begins to answer nature's call on top of Ares' head.

Ares: YOU BLASTED DOG! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!

Maevie: You will do nothing of the sort!

Maevie slaps Ares, and snatches the dog before Ares got the chance to blow the dog to Antartica.

Wai: I believe we lost Cthulhu...

Cthulhu: Lost who?

MZZT: Eh, what?! O god, let's get out of here!

CM: Heh, looks like I warped more that just us...

Rest: MORON!

MZZT: Looks like we have nowhere to run...

Ares: Fighting looks to be our only choice...

Maevie: Let's do this diplomatically. Cthulhu, you wouldn't hurt a nice little girl like me, would you?

Cthulhu then proceeds to punch Maevie right in the chin. Maevie falls to the floor, writhing in pain...

Maevie: KILL HIM AND BURN HIS CORPSE! I WANT SEND HIS BURNT FLESH TO HIS PARENTS, AND NUKE THEM TOO! THERE WILL BE NO MERCY!

Wai: Intense... Never piss off a girl...

An all-out battle insues. CM, being completely drained from teleporting, stays behind, using Wai as a weapon. Ares uses his all-powerful attacks on Cthulhu, which only succeeds in destroying the ground around them. MZZT whips up some very fast ninja moves, stabbing him all over with a konai(Japanese dagger of sorts). Cthulhu continues to bash each and every one of them, one by one. Finally, all that is left is Sugar Dumpling, who stands in front of Cthulhu and barks continuously.

What will happen to them? Will Sugar Dumpling save the day? I am so hungry!

------------------
"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

DrkJedi82

10-01-2003, 01:59 PM

Just then a firey portal opens and Jim7 appears

Jim7: Cthulhu? what are you doing here?

Cthulhu: I was just beathing these people up...

Jim7: oh... hey that new Krispy Kreme opens today wanna go down there and burn it down? then maybe we could head to Dunkin Donuts

Cthulhu: Sounds like a plan let's go...

MMM DUNKIN DONUTS

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Cool Matty

10-01-2003, 02:15 PM

Meanwhile, Ares and the others begin to regain consciousness. All that is left is a big crater, and Sugar Dumpling, sittin in the middle licking his paw.

MZZT: Did that dog...

CM: just completely...

Wai: And utterly...

Maevie: Annihilate Cthulhu?

Ares: $@#! dog! Always stealing my thunder!

MZZT: If I remember correctly, you were the one that was first defeated...

Ares: Details, details.

Wai: Well, since we've apparently won this, what do you all say we go celebrate at Krispy Kreme?

CM: I've got no problem with that. But this time, I'M DRIVING.

------------------
"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

Gebohq

10-01-2003, 06:24 PM

Meanwhile, in New York City, a figure of some pages ago is seen talking on the phone in his office...

The Last True (Evil) Television Executive: ...and I don't care if it's illegal; find a way to install cameras in every girls' locker room across the country! ...Er, yeah, it's for my new "reality show" this fall ...uh-huh, I'm glad you like it. Good-bye.

*TLTTVE hangs up the phone and reclines in his comfy office chair. Moments later, the phone rings, and TLTTVE grumbles as he picks up the phone.*

TLTTVE: What is it? ...oh. Hello, sir. ...No, of course not. I would never talk to you in that manner.

*TLTTVE sits up at attention, taking out a PDA to write notes of the conversation he was having.*

TLTTVE: ...I see. ...OK... ...Yes, I'm ready at your command. ...let's just say that NeS is about to be "canceled." Mwahahahahahaha--er--no sir. I meant that literally. Pay-Per-View has been airing NeS since it began... well yes. ...of course, sir. I'll never speak the truth again. Honest mistake, really...

Wow, this guy hasn't been mentioned since... well, it's been a while, that's for sure. Does The Last True Evil the Television Executive have some part to play in this plot to come, or is he to be forgotten among the more important people? Has anyone else noticed that NeS has been getting a little slow? Perhaps it's old age, or perhaps it's something more sinister? It could be that the writers are slow and useless like they usually are--

Geb the writer: I resemble that remark!

--so stay tuned to find out what happens next on NeS: Temptation Island -- I mean -- The Never-ending Story Thread!

The Last True Evil

10-02-2003, 07:26 AM

*Elsewhere...*

TLTE: Uhh...where am I? I feel as if I've been carelessly forgotten, left out of so many posts...

Voice: And yet, sometimes we all feel that way, don't we?

*TLTE strains his eyes, opening them. He is tied to a chair in a dark open room, which is nestled precariously on the edge of a narrow gantry several hundred feet above an inky abyss. Creaking gears and cogs somewhere below complete the atmosphere The surroundings are immediately familiar to him.*

TLTE: Big Ben...! I'm back at the Hall of Heroes!

*He examines his surroundings. The 'evil' heroes line the walkways, an oddly empty expression in their eyes. Three figures advance up the stairway, stopping just in front of him. Being a hero, TLTE recognises two of them instantly.*

TLTE: Bill Gates...and TFFE. Borscht.

*Bill Gates looks the ultimate incarnation of evil, as everyone suspected anyway. This is to say, he has shrugged off the harmless geek persona and assumed the creature-from-a-bad-nightmare schtick. TFFE, TLTE's mortal enemy and polar opposite, has dressed appropriately, jet black garb countering TLTE's angelic robes and complexion.*

TFFE: Glad you could join us, TLTE. With only a page and a half of the NeS before its total demise left, it is fitting that we start celebrating now...

TLTE: But how? I was...something about a cave...Cthulhu rings a bell...

Bill Gates: Elementary, my dear enemy...this, my latest boon from Microsoft.

*He pulls out a fittingly-satanic looking handgun.*

Gates: Like it? I called it P2P; a Portable Plothole Pistol. By confusing yet another pair of registered trademarks, I stand to make another fortune on tech support alone!

*He throws his head back and laughs maniacally. Apart from that, and the relentlessly grinding gears, there is silence.*

Gates: With this little beauty, we can do just about anything. We are functionally invincible. We can even bring our enemies here at our mercy, to dispose of them as we wish.

TLTE: What's this all about? You can't kill me; I'm already dead.

TFFE: It's just about life and death to you, isn't it, my pathetic twin? What we are talking about is something far greater - the destruction of the NeS itself.

TLTE: That's impossible! Many have tried, myself included; you cannot destroy the Never-Ending Story. For obvious reasons.

Gates: Wrong! Very wrong indeed, my friend - we have made a way. The EeP.

TLTE: The EeP?

Gates: Ever-ending Plot. Here, allow an old acquaintance of yours to explain...

*The final figure steps out of the shadows; it is no other than 'Vinny' himself, the sadistic and mysterious member of TLTE's past.*

TLTE: You..!

'Vinny': I hope you are comfortable, TLTE; this is going to take a while...

*And outside, a significantly peeved Absolver bangs impotently on the front door of Big Ben and searches for a way to restore comic balance to TLTE's posts...*

NSP: My next post will be important, as it details the machinations and reaons for the final events of the NeS to take place. I will of course consult Gebohq and senior writers before treading on too many toes. All I ask is that you don't accuse me of weighting down the genius of NeS by giving it too much plot - just as insanity is a measure of misunderstood genius, that which we respect the most in the NeS, so will the slightest degree of coherence enhance this insanity by leaps and bounds by giving it a parallel of sorts. Or in plain English, don't knock it 'till you try it.

[EDIT: 50th page post...it's an honour.]

[This message has been edited by The Last True Evil (edited October 02, 2003).]

Highemperor

10-02-2003, 11:20 AM

Everyone looks at each other amusedly.

Maevie: You are driving, huh?

CM: Yup.

Maevie: You intend to take us to the Hall of Heroes via a car, no?

CM: Yup.

Maevie: A car which you are driving, correct?

CM: Yup.

Maevie: And this car would be Ares's Viper, right?

CM: Yup.

Maevie: ...

Cool Matty suddenly realizes that Ares's Viper is at the bottom of the cliff.

Geb: *blinks* Hey, where's Highemperor?

Everyone looks at each other. Blankly, this time.

Galv: Um. . . dunno?

A new figure approaches. He wears a tattered black robe, and pain ensconces his every step. Beneath his hood, flaming skulls for eyes can be seen inset into leathery skin that has been burnt beyond recognition, petrified beyond redemption, and dessicated beyond all trace of life or semblance of humanity.

Geb: Ewww! Who are you?

The hellish figure opens his mouth to speak, and a single whispery voice, as dry as the grave, can just be heard in the midst of untold billion screams that also roar out deafeningly.

Figure: I am Darkside from the year 3000. I am far more powerful and evil, because I have devoured more souls - including all of yours, and all of your enemies. Except EeP. EeP defeated me and turned me into what I am - a withered husk, a shell of doomed unlife. A-

Ares: Not to be rude or anything, Darky, but could you tone down the screams? It's kinda hard to hear ya.

DS3000: Sorry. This better?

Ares: Much.

DS3000: In the year 3004, I fought EeP one last time, and he gloated to me that at the end of the battle I would come under his control and be forced to help destroy the very NeS that I want to conquer. So before that happened, I time-traveled here to give you a warning. You must go to the NeST - the Neverending Story Temple, inside the NeT, where only the WriterGod can tell you how to defeat EeP. You must-

Suddenly, one of EeP's/Gates's portable plotholes appears out of nowhere and swallows DS3000, replacing him with ANOTHER Darkside3000.

New Darkside3000: I am from 10 seconds later, when EeP took over me. Now I will destroy you! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Heroes congregate grandly behind Geb.

Geb: You and what army?

With that, DS3000 releases his devoured souls from his body (but not his control), forming an army of countless billions of lost souls - including doppelgangers of all the heroes.

Geb: *shaking* Well, my friends and I will stop you.

DS3000: *sneering* What friends?

Geb looks around to see that all his friends have run away.

Geb: Eep?

Darkside3000: Ho ho ho! Exactly.

Ha ha ha ha! I am the evil Narrator, a lost soul devoured by Darkside 3000 in the future, and I am destroying your precious heroes, too!

*What will happen? Even our beloved Narrator has been taken over by EeP! And where is Highemperor? Will he show up to save the day? (Probably not. . .)*

------------------
Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)!

Ganondorf

10-02-2003, 12:09 PM

*elsewhere*

Ganondorf enters the story

Ganondorf: "I feel so empty"

Voice of God: "Go forth and enter the story Ganondorf"

Ganondorf: "Yes oh lord, but where is everybody?"

Voice of God: "Not here... you must go on a quest to find them."

Ganondorf now sets off on his quest to find an important part of this story and infuse himself into the plot line.

------------------

Gideon:
Tell me, how will this brave new world enhance my ability to play solitaire and read porn e-mail?

Originally posted by shade
theres a plotline in this thing? I thought we had a plotfractal! since when did we get a plotline?

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

The MAZZTer

10-02-2003, 04:43 PM

Like in all those cartoons, MZZT races at light speed from DS3000, 30miles to the HoH (in 10 seconds I might add), up 20 flights of stairs (in 5 seconds), through several doors, finally running into his room and slamming the door closed behind him, diving into his bed under the sheets, and shaking, occasionally calling for his mommy.

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!
Website is working again. (Somewhat.)

DrkJedi82

10-02-2003, 04:55 PM

Meanwhile at the Dunkin Donuts we see Jim7 and Chtulhu walking out after eating a bunch of doughnuts

Jim7: do you hear that?

Chtulhu: Yeha what is it?

Jim7: I think it's darkside.

Chtulhu: You really need to let go of this war between you and darkside.

Jim7: I cannot stealing souls from Hell is unforgivable he must be destroyed and the souls returned.

Jim7 draws his sword creates a portal and steps through

Jim7: Darkside!

Darkside: YOU!!!!

Everyone else: HOLY [beep]

OMG THE FIGHT OF THE MINUTE IS ABOUT TO BEGIN JOIN US NEXT TIME ON THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF NES DEATHMATCH!!!

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Cool Matty

10-03-2003, 08:35 AM

Jim7: YOU!

DS: YOU!

Jim7: YOU...!!!

DS: .... YOU!!!

Jim7: well... YOU!

DS: um... YOU!!!!

Cthuhlu: Stop it already!

DS: Yes, you are only delaying the inevitable!

Jim7: So Cthuhlu... what's your favorite donut?

Cthuhlu: Hard decision. I want to say chocolate covered, but I'm starting to lean towards plain glazed now...

Jim7: Nice. I perfer chocolate with sprinkles myself...

DS: HELLO?! I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE! QUIT IGNORING ME AND PREPARE FOR YOUR EMMINENT DOOM!

Jim7: You hear something?

Cthuhlu: Just the wind.

DS: THAT'S IT, YOU ALL ARE GOING TO DIE!

Cthuhlu: I believe this man here wants your attention...

Jim7: Indeed. Can you please take care of him for me?

Cthuhlu: No problem.

Cthuhlu Throws a donut at DS. DS flinches, leaving an opening for Cthuhlu to nail him right in the gut.

DS: OOF! How dare you!

Cthuhlu: Bwahahahaa...

End of class for me. Someone else end the battle! http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

------------------
"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

Highemperor

10-06-2003, 05:29 PM

Voice/Voice of God: [input Shade's character's name here], hear me and know this. I am the WriterGod, lord over the NeTnet and all the universe, and the god of your forefathers, Plato, Dickens, and GA Ryan. Of course, NeS is a plotfractal. But EeP is turning it into a plotLINE, and therein lies our destruction. There is only one way to stop it. Go to Geb, stand fast by him, guide him to the NeST (Neverending Story Temple), which is part of the NeT (Neverending Tower), and then run as far away as you possibly can, cuddle up with your mommy, and say goodbye to this old world, for I shall renew it, into a cowardly new world.

[input Shade's character's name here]: Yes, oh WriterGod.

Voice of WriterGod: Ganondorf. This cowardly new world will of course enhance your ability to play solitaire and read *ahem* email.

Ganondorf: I said "brave". BRAVE. Not cowardly.

Voice of WriterGod: This is NeS, remember?

Ganondorf: Oh. Right.

Voice of WriterGod: TLTVE, it is your duty to record the Fight of the Millennium of the Week between our heroes and EeP and play it on PayPerView for kajillions of dollars.

TLTVE: Yes, God, but what if we lose? Everything will be destroyed, and there'll be no audience.

VoWG: True, but it'll be a fine way to go out in style.

TLTVE: Oh, I see! You want me to distract EeP with his being on TV!

VoWG: ...

TLTVE: Right?

VoWG: Moving on. . .

-----

NSP: Dangit, I have to go. I'll try to add more later.

------------------
Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)!

The Last True Evil

10-07-2003, 07:44 AM

*There is a substantial pause while Bill Gates and TFFE manuever the projector, sound system and slide chart onto the narrow walkway. As they do so, TLTE is able to thumb his spy wristwatch, activating his mini-microphone and transmitting the exposition to the entire NeS crew.*

Gates: Ready, TLTE? You are now in the privileged position of being the single individual in NeS history fully informed as to the scope of its brilliance and magnitude.

TFFE: Of course, the knowledge that we are going to horribly decimate your angelic form afterward may put a dampener on things...

Gates:...but still, try to enjoy this. 'Vinny', you may begin.

*The sinister figure flicks the slide chart on, and activates the projector. At once, images assail TLTE's vision; the Big Bang. The formation of the universe, and the gradual cooling and creation of Earth. The creation of the first primordial cell. Replication and division of life. The birth of humankind. Establishment of basic civilised. Formation of rudimentary society.*

Vinny: All footnotes in the most important creation of humanity; the Never-Ending Story.

Oh, come on. Lauding your story as the most important creation of humanity? That's turning egotism into a science!

*Bill Gates turns and fires his plothole gun. The shrieking agony of a forsaken soul that follows finally ends the illustrious career of the Random Audience Member.*

Vinny: Thank you.

*The slide show continues. The next image is strikingly familiar, in some way; TLTE suddenly realises that it is a mock-drawing of the famous Sistine Chapel roof, and yet in this version, the bearded naked fellow in the clouds is not extending his fingers to the young naked fellow, but instead a computer screen with the familiar green-on-green background on it.*

Vinny: Behold, the defining moment in history - the WriterGod bequeathing the NeS to humanity, over 3000 years ago.

TLTE: That's impossible! Massassi hasn't been around for 3000 years! This makes no sense at all!

Vinny: Still grasping at the old metaphysical straws, aren't you TLTE? Your other companions seem to accept this more easily than you.

TLTE: Accept what?

Vinny: That the NeS is a plotfractal. A spiritual and theoretical mystery. It defies all logic to survive. This is why it has endured where other Interactive Stories fail. Strictly speaking, however, you are right. This touching moment was simply the one that the WriterGod chose to unleash the NeS on. However, realising that neither the internet nor the computer had yet been invented, the NeS went into a sort of hibernation, waiting for the right moment to pop up.

Gates: But it wasn't just Microsoft that allowed this all to happen. The invention of the computer and the WWW alone wouldn't have allowed for this to occur.

TFFE: A final, cataclysmic event was needed to unite the would-be writers and heroes in a thread such as this.

*Memories from the very first page of the NeS flash into TLTE's mind. Speeches and events, half-forgotten...*

TLTE: ...the comet!

Vinny: Correct. GA Farrent's 1999 post reminding us of Nostrodamus' prediction of a comet about to hit the earth provided the perfect medium for the NeS to strike out on its own. Grounded finally in a sense of reality, the Never-Ending Story could begin to assert its infinite legacy. Farrent did his job, and was paid well for it. His remains now convolute the quiet ocean somewhere. Farrent's grisly demise was the first tied loose end in this saga, the last of which is about to happen here.

TFFE: Spotted the glaring inconsistency so far?

TLTE: Yeah! If the three of you want to destroy the NeS so badly, why did you (Gates) build the hardware and software to make it work, and you (TFFE) help out as part of the plot?

Vinny: Allow me to field that one. TFFE, Bill and I are very different people, but the NeS holds one special purpose for all of us; the eradication of one man.

*The slide changes to reveal everyone's favourite jeans-wearing hero.*

TLTE: Gebohq...?!

Bill Gates: The very same.

Vinny: I suspect the immediate question is now burning to be answered;

TLTE: Why?

Vinny: Because he is the light of the NeS, and its bitter, twisted soul. He is in the deepest belly-laugh that this thread can conjure, and the stinging slap to the head when a joke goes bad.

TFFE: Remember, were it not for the valiant efforts of Gebohq and his disciples, the Interactive Story Board would not exist.

Gates: As long as this man endures, so will the NeS in some part. Of all the writers on this thread, none take to heart this story more than him. This is why he, as the spiritual centre of interactive storytelling, must be destroyed.

TLTE: Which you plan to do with the Ever-ending Plot, as every other attempt to kill him has failed.

Vinny: Correct. This brings us to the EeP in its entirety.

TLTE: What is it?

*The next slide is a brainstorm chart, with the word EeP in the middle. Most of the words associated with it are too grim to repeat here.*

Vinny: The EeP, much like the NeS, defies normal description. Think of it like this; if the NeS survives on the creativity and passion of Gebohq and his writers, the EeP relies on those elements countering these. Slackness. Indifference. Writer's block.

TFFE: Most importantly, though, the utter hatred we three hold for this thread, and the lengths that we will go toward to end it.

Vinny: When these opposites grow to outweigh the positives that hold the NeS together, not only will the NeS be weakened and vulnerable to destruction, but the physical avatar of the EeP will be strong enough to challenge and defeat the NeS avatar, Gebohq.

TLTE: Hence, the pie. TFFE and Darkside placed something in them to turn them into your agents?

TFFE: That is the simplified version, yes. Though we did nothing more than feed them a small portion of our malice. It was more than enough, it seems.

*TLTE cranes around to see the rows of evil-ified heroes and shudders.*

TLTE: So you are planning to infect all of the heroes-

Gates: Save Gebohq, of course. He is beyond controlling.

Vinny: He will be dealt with, very soon.

*The slide changes once more; this time, a bright yellow slogan of "Question time!" with several smiley faces adorning it.*

Vinny: Any queries before your death?

TLTE: What was my part in all of this?

Vinny: Your part was significant, TLTE - firstly, you saved Gebohq from jediKirby.

TFFE: Had he been killed then, things would have become...complicated.

Vinny: Secondly, your army of clones will be the ones to slaughter the dead shell of the NeS once the worst of it is over.

Gates: TLTVE will telecast all this, shortly before his self-destructed demise; the point of this being to ward off any NeS clones.

TFFE: And finally, your love for Losien provided a poignant and meaningful plotline.

TLTE: Eh? What's so wrong with that?

TFFE: Isn't it obvious? It was a plotline.

Vinny: By tampering with the nature of the NeS plotfractal, you began the end of all of this.

TLTE: What have I done...?

Vinny: Anything else? We're almost out of time; the heroes approach, and we have pies to bake...

TLTE: Why are you doing this?

Vinny: Three very different reasons.

Gates: Mine; bandwidth.

TLTE: BANDWIDTH?!

Gates: The NeS could, unchecked, rise to epic proportions, dominating internet bandwidth and utterly destroying my monopoly on all software and hardware. This, I cannot allow.

TFFE: As for me, know that I despise you, TLTE. You are the real thing; I am a mere shadow in your exploits. I would kill you that I may grow to something in existence, and if that means the destruction of this entire thread, and both of us, then so be it.

TLTE: Creepy.

*There is an ominous silence. 'Vinny' says nothing for a long while, leaning on the gantry, his aged features wrinkled further in thought. Then a look of utter hate crosses it, and he stands slowly.*

Vinny: I have wanted nothing but the death of the NeS for as long as I have existed. Since I was a mere thought in the minds of a few...

*His old man facade sags, and then falls completely. What lingers is such a spectre of malevolent evil it simultaneously burns into TLTE's retinas and makes Gates' apparition look like Bambi.*

'Vinny': I've been here for as long as Gebohq, suffering in the dark as he basked in the glory of recognition. I would subtly manipulate the events of the NeS - behind every story of death and woe, there I was. For long, I was weak, but now comes my time of ascension. I will burn brighter than all of you for a fleeting moment, then bring this sad experiment of existence down to where it belongs. I am...

*He turns into the light, though it flees from his features.*

Vinny: ...The Ever-ending Plot.

TLTE: *gulp*

EeP: And now, I will retire to the rooftops, to watch the stars for one last time before Gebohq arrives. Send him up when he does, will you Gates?

Gates: Of course, my liege.

EeP: And now, TFFE, you may do what you want with him. Farewell, TLTE - I think your name is no longer appropriate. For I am now, and always will be the Last True Evil of the NeS.

*He bends, then sails effortlessly into the blackness above. Gates snickers and turns to put away the computer equipment. TFFE draws a vicious cutlass and braces TLTE's head to sever it.*

TFFE: And so ends the saga of TLTE.

*He swings the blade, but as it touches TLTE's flesh it rebounds, making a squeaky rubber noise.*

TFFE: But...what? Who?!

*From nowhere a black blur shoulders TFFE, knocking him aside.*

Absolver: Sorry I'm late, mate. I thought you meant the other Big Ben. Did I miss much?

TLTE: Unless we think of something drastic, the NeS is going to die.

Absolver: Blimey. Should we off these geezers in dashing fashion, then?

TLTE: Until the cavalry arrives, that seems a wonderful idea.

*They draw their blades and cross them with the villains in true NeS fashion..*

And high above, the Gods of Interactive Storytelling stop their godly business and pay strict attention to the unfolding chaos.

The MAZZTer

10-07-2003, 09:45 AM

A bleary-eyed MZZT waddles into the room.

MZZT: *yawn* I could've sworn something important happened before I came back here... I can't seem to remember it tho. Something about DarkSide. Oh well. *sees TLTE and Absolver fighting with TFFE and the hoard of still controlled NeS heroes.*

MZZT: *bigyawn* Hi guys.

TLTE: Mega! Give us a hand here!

MZZT: *clap clap clap*

TLTE: That's so cliche it's not even funny.

MZZT: *stumbles over to the video camera* Hmm, this wasn't here before. Professional TV station quality too. What's the broadcasting service? ... huh? MSN? I didn't know they did TV...

Gates: *who had been distracted by his work, and didn't see MZZT* Hey you! Get away from my camera.... wait... you're the guy that blew up my SSD Windows back a couple dozen pages! I'll get you for that! *Draws closer to MZZT*

MZZT: *still tired* *yawn* Sure, whatever you say Mr. Gates... *pulls out day planner* Are you free Monday at 3?

Gates: *draws closer, pulls out a knife with the colorful, cheerful Windows logo on it's handle*

MZZT: No? How about Friday at... AIEEIEEE *sees the knife and wakes up*

MZZT immediately drops the day planner and takes out his lightsaber. Lighting it, he immediately whacks the blade of the knife right off the handle.

Gates: GAH! Hey, you can't do that!

MZZT: Yes I can. I just did.

Gates: BAH! *stabs MZZT repeatedly with the handle, which of course is no worse than poking.*

MZZT: ... what the heck are you doing!

Gates: DIE DARN YOU!!! DIE!!!

MZZT: You are quite annoying. *walks over to the camera, Gates 'stabbing' him all this time.*

MZZT kicks the camera out the window.

Gates: WTH, that is our pay per view camera! How are we gonna get rich now!

MZZT: You can still do it. Just don't call it "Defeat of Gebohq", call it, "A Smashing Trip: Big Ben From the Top Down".

Gates: GAH!! I hate you! *runs from the room*

MZZT: That worked rather nicely. *Turns to the TLTE and Absolver, still fighting. Checks his wristwatch.* The effects of the pie should be wearing off... right... about... now!

Slowly, the fighting slows down... eventually it ceases, as the confused heroes look around trying to figure out what the heck they were doing.

TFFE: Huh? Why'd we stop fighting guys?

All the heroes turn to look at TFFE.

TFFE: .... @#$% GATES WAIT FOR ME!!! *runs after him*

TLTE: Ok! All the heroes listen up! We gotta catch up with the Ever-ending Plot, Gates, and TFFE!

heroeS: YEAH!

TLTE: NOW, LET'S FOLLOW TFFE, THAT... THAT...

Absolver: *whisper* loser.

TLTE: LET'S FOLLOW THAT LOSER!

Heroes: YEAH!!!!!

All the heroes, including TLTE, Absolver, and MZZT, race after the "losers". But will they catch up to them in time, before they find Gebohq?!?!

TLTE: Wait, what happend to the PPV camera, Mega did you...?

MZZT: Of course not.

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited December 28, 2003).]

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited October 07, 2003).]

Highemperor

10-07-2003, 01:49 PM

NSP: Er, Geb, how did you edit it on December 28, 2003?!

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Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)!

shade

10-07-2003, 04:17 PM

I'm making a vote towards that being magic!

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

DrkJedi82

10-07-2003, 04:33 PM

nsp: magic?

Back at teh secret base of Jim7 we see Jim7 bruised and sore from the fight of the minute where while nobody was looking he banished Darkside to a room with a moose then blocked all the exits with walls of ancient doughnuts...

Jim7: Tony

Tony: Yes boss?

Jim7: I see on my magic monitor of doom that Vinny survived.

Tony: Really?

Jim7: Send Jack in here now.

Tony: Right away boss.

a few moments later...

Jack: You wanted to see me?

Jim7: Vinny survived and he has evolved into the EeP.

Jack: I swear he was dead there was no way he could survive two bullets going through his mind.

Jim7: But somehow he managed to survive, I need you to finish the job once and for all. Go down to the armory and load all your weapons with the special ammo.

Jack: What's so special about it?

Jim7: Each bullet contains traces of doughnut... my own mother's recipe.

Jack: I didn't know Satan had a mother...

Jim7: It was a joke you fool.

Jack: oh... funny...

Jim7: Now kill Vinny and do not come back until his monkey has stopped flinging poo for good this time.

VINNY IS SOOOOOOO DEAD

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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Gebohq

10-07-2003, 06:40 PM

Post-Modern Ultimate Benevolent Upward Mobility Post!

P.M.U.B.U.M.P!

(This was most certainly not a random post retroactively thrown in to correct the number of posts for the thread! <.<...)

The MAZZTer

10-08-2003, 02:10 PM

Originally posted by Highemperor:
NSP: Er, Geb, how did you edit it on December 28, 2003?!

Originally posted by shade:
I'm making a vote towards that being magic!
http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

And my birthday just happens to be Dec 28, too... hmm... http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

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The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited December 28, 2003).]

Highemperor

10-09-2003, 11:44 AM

NSP: Really? Mine is, too! Cool!

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Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel (http://pub26.ezboard.com/bhighcitadel)!

shade

10-09-2003, 06:30 PM

mine's may 28th...does that count? should is getting creepy yet? what was I talking about again?

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

Antestarr

10-10-2003, 04:38 PM

(NSP: This will probably be my last post before I head out. That's right, I'm taking my leave of the internet for a bit to join the USAF. This is my attempt at going out with a bang for now... Wish me luck, all.)

*Gebohq stared deep into the violence and hatred embodied by the eyes of Darkside3000. A lone bead of sweat rolled down Geb's forehead as he bemusedly pondered the recent change is his fight or flight instinct. The peaceful English countryside would have made an excellent backdrop for a battle of epic proportions. But as this was to be a quick and rather painful slaughter, Geb suddenly felt as if now had been a bad time for his "renaissance."*

Geb: Uhm... how about you and I go and talk this over? Maybe over a couple of donuts?

DS3K: Silence, whelp! I shall enjoy feasting upon your soul. Again. However, in my current state, I find it more... convenient... to use my little pets.

*DS3K raised his hand, and in response the earth rose from the ground taking the shapes of Maevie, CM, and Gebohq. Power emitted from his hand, striking the shapes and bringing them false life.*

DS3K: I do so love playing god. Go forth, my slaves, and crush that puny "hero."

Voice from behind DS3K: Why don't you take care of me first? After all, what's the fun of stabbing a man in the back when he's not sleeping or thinking you're on his side?

*Clad in the jet black robes of discipleship to some unknown school or religion, a man stepped forward from the direction of Stonehenge, ignighting a beam weapon which, rather than glowing with a bright color, appeared clear as crystal.*

DS3K: Hmm... another gnat in my master's path... Fine, if you wish to be dealt with first, so be it. Crush him first.

*The Soulslaves charged the black-robed stranger, who quickly whipped his weapon through each, returning them to the dust from which they came as the crystal clear weapon became slightly tinged with gray.*

DS3K: How dare you destroy my minions so effortlessly?

Robed Figure: I could have drawn that out, but I'm feeling a bit lazy and we're kinda pressed for time.

*The figure pushed back his hood letting his much-less-impressive-now-that-it's-shoulder-length hair fall to... uh... his shoulders and revealing the countenance of Antestarr.*

DS3K: Oh, what's this? Another would-be hero? I'll make this quick so I can finish my business with your "leader" here.

*DS3K threw bolts of black lightning at Antestarr, all of which crackled around him but hardly singed his robes. Frustrated, DS3K launched an enormous ball of energy which, too, failed to harm Ante. Several attacks later DS3K was absolutely livid.*

DS3K: How can this be? I have enough power to crush all the heroes in an instant!

Ante: And therein lies your problem. Semantics. You were sent from the past to crush the heroes, especially Gebohq and others named. Being so tied to your orders, you are left unable to intentionally harm those who aren't heroes. Like myself.

My name will never go into any history books. I won't have any monuments named after me. My job is not to save the weak or prevent disaster. My job is thankless. It simply demands that I take opportunities to further my cause and that of my master. Just because my goals often coincide with theirs does not make me a hero. It leaves me in their shadows.

*With his anti-hero speech finished, Ante thrust his weapon into DS3K's chest.*

DS3K: You think this will destroy me? I am The Darkside. I am eternal. Watch as I turn your weapon against you, and you against those you once called "friends."

*Blackness began to seep into the crystal clear weapon, as ink dropped into water. DS3K's form began to shrink and become one with the darkness. In moments, the entire weapon was pitch black and DS3K's form was no more. At that time, Ante simply turned it off, retracting the blade into the hilt.*

Ante (to the weapon): Destroy you? I simply wanted to imprison and use you. I created MuraNeSe simply to absorb your power and keep it. (to Geb) Gebohq, Get back to the Hall of Heroes. You're needed there.

Geb: But...

Ante: But nothing. My work is finished for now. Go forward and lead us to the new era.

*With that, Ante called down his vessel which he used so many years and posts ago to enter into the fray, boarded it, and left.*

Geb: Thanks... Ante...

------------------------------

*In a small shrine several miles from a Buddhist temple in the mountains of Tibet, a man torn between his powers and his hatred meditated, seeking balance. Antestarr walked in, disturbing his moment of peace.*

Dalaes: You... what do you want?

Ante: Just to give you this.

*Ante handed a small package to Dalaes.*

Ante: Of all the people I've met in my years, I feel you're best to control its power.

Dalaes: I can feel the darkness surging from it. You trust me with this?

Ante: Moreso than I trust even myself with it.

*With those parting words, Ante left the shrine.*

Ante (to himself): This should ensure continued... prosperity... at least until I can return.

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"Ken wa kyouki. Kenjutsu wa satsujinjutsu. Donna kireigoto ya o-daimoku o kuchi ni ****e mo sore ga shinjitsu."
-Seijuro Hiko

[This message has been edited by Antestarr (edited October 10, 2003).]

[This message has been edited by Antestarr (edited October 10, 2003).]

DrkJedi82

10-10-2003, 05:05 PM

In the office of Jim7 sitting alone Jim7 stares out the window at the NeS when suddenly a voice calls to him from his past

Voice from the past: Jim7, it is time.

Jim7: So, it has finally come to be that I, Jim7, shall find my way onto the path that was laid out for me here in the NeS.

Jim7 rises from his chair and Tony enters.

Tony: You asked for me?

Jim7: Tony, I need you to watch after the business while I am away. I do not know how long it will be before I return but there is a possibility Vinny may try to find me here.

Tony: Ok boss.

Jim7 leaves... moments later in a place long forgotten beneath stonehenge Jim7, Chtulhu, Ares, and Rob walk towards the middle of the room

all: We, the 4 protectors of the plotfractal, are here.

Just then a ghostly figure appears in the center of the room

ghost dude: I have brought you all here to warn you, the storm is coming and the very thing we are here to protect is in danger.

Jim7: Yes, the EeP...

ghost dude: Is only the beginning, even now those who threaten the very existance of the NeS are preparing themselves.

Rob: But what are we to do? There are only 4 of us.

ghost dude: Anything you have to.

As the ghostly figure disappears the 4 uhm... well they aren't heros... they aren't villians except for Ares... at least i think he is... well they started to leave only Chtulhu and Jim7 remained

Cthulhu: You seem troubled.

Jim7: I fear the worst for the NeS.

Cthulhu: We won't let anything happen to this place.

Jim7: Centuries ago when I first entered this room and I was told of the part I would play in the fate of the NeS I never thought I would even remotely be capable of doing it.

Cthulhu: But it is our job to keep the NeS in balance.

Jim7: I know I realized before I even became a real part of this story on page 42.

Jim7 turns and leaves Cthulhu looks up at the whatever is there to look up at i mean it's just a round room with a domed ceiling...

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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

DrkJedi82

10-12-2003, 08:13 AM

Deep beneath stonehenge in the secret chamber of the protectors Rob is running around in circles out of boredom (and a serious sugar rush is helping), then suddenly he stops running in circles and runs head first into a wall. On the surface the ground begins to shake for a moment cuasing things to fall off of a few shelves and in the chamber of protectors something forms on Rob's head... it is a painful red BUMP!

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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Ford

10-14-2003, 03:52 PM

Wherever Jim7 is, he has the feeling he's being watched. Being an exhibitionist, this doesnt bother him and he keeps walking.

Jim7: *sings* i shouted out, "who killed the kennedeys?" when after all, it was you and me

Suddenly, a thought not his own gnaws and tears at Jim's mind.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Uhluhtc R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

Jim: *Not singing anymore* ******, Cthulhu. Do you honestly think that saying your name backwards is going to fool me?

Cthulhu: *Stepping out of some shadows that weren't there a moment ago* Uh...Of course not...Why would I think that? Heh heh...heh....

Jim: What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on your way to doing your part to "Balence" NeS?

Cthulhu: Um...Yes, well...technically speaking...

Jim: Then why are you following me?

Cthulhu: Erm...Well..You see..Its been quite a while since I...Ya know...And I was wondering if...Well..

Jim: No.

Cthulhu: But...Only for a little while...I mean..You never minded before....

Jim: I was young and foolish. And anyway, last time, you convenienly "forgot" to give it back.

Cthulhu: But obviously I did.

Jim: Your mom had to make you.

Cthulhu: Yes, well...Only for a little bit..I swear...

Jim: No. Just...no.

Cthulhu: *Sigh* Alright. I guess I'll just have to find someone else's sanity to steal.

Cthulhu, sad and forlorn, walks away, tentacles to his chest, moping.

------------------
<Dormouse> there are very few things quite as comforting as smelling like a close friend.

We are only human, perfect in our imperfections. - Erin amie du Dor

<Dormouse> it's really cute in the way that a sherman tank with a fuzzy steering wheel is cute

The Last True Evil

10-15-2003, 06:11 AM

*High above the lonely streets, secluded from the outside, where a fine mist of rain has begun to pour, in the grim, vacant catwalks of Big Ben, the situation is chaotic, to say the least. Bill Gates and TFFE, having recovered themselves, prepare to battle. Gradually, the heroes are being awoken, slowly diminishing the strength of the EeP.*

TFFE: **** them, Gates, they'll ruin EVERYTHING!

Gates: Not if I'm still holding this!

*He draws his fearsome Plothole Pistol, takes careful aim and fires. The heroes resume their fitful, evil slumbers.*

MZZT: How? We found the antidote!

Gates: You underestimate the potency of a plot error, young fool! Observe!

*Another carefully aimed shot, and MZZT is suddenly his own father, temporarily ceasing his very existence.*

TLTE: My God! You've nullified his existence!

Absolver: Whose existence?

*TLTE struggles to remember...M...M something?*

Gates: I tire of this! DIE!

*With another squeeze of the trigger, a fearsome horde of nightmarish monsters appear out of nowhere and begin fighting the meagre assortment of conscious and sane heroes. Bill Gates forms himself a crimson throne and watches the battle, laughing maniacally.*

Gates: Kill, my pretties! Killllll...

*Meanwhile, TLTE, dodging the inferno of a black dragon's fire-breath, backflips up to a narrow catwalk that runs the length of the building. TFFE stands at the other end, fists clenched in barely suppressed rage.*

TFFE: Why are YOU allowed to live so merrily? Why do YOU have all the friends, the escapes?

TLTE: I died a few days ago! I was killed horribly!

TFFE: Oh, blah blah blah! Do you have any idea how often villains are torn apart, atom by atom? You really get on my nerves, you do!

TLTE: This is pointless. We can't even hear each other. Do as you must, and I will do the same.

TFFE: You won't be so confident when I run you through!

*TFFE focuses, and turns into a wicked-looking black ghost. With effort, he picks up his sabre and runs at TLTE, who dodges and brings his weapon up...*

Absolver: Bloody hell, this is getting serious, isn't it? I mean-

*He is curtly interrupted by a flaming ball of crimson hell to the backside.*

!MEANWHILE!

*High above the heroes, as they muster the final bugle to save the NeS, the Ever-ending Plot stands, hatred and antipathy from below ebbing and flowing through it like the tide. It waits for one man - Gebohq...*

Gebohq

10-15-2003, 01:19 PM

(NSP: Wheeeeee! Since the current update screen has been conviniently sabotaged (=D) Krig was kind enough to write up a NeS characters' histories since page 44, which you can find here (http://www.raven.rook.btinternet.co.uk/NeS.rtf). It's accurate enough to use as a reference up to TLTE's last post above. With that, here's some story, by moi.)

While Ares, Cthulhu, and Jim left some moments ago, Rob was still having some, uh, difficulty leaving the secret chamber of the protectors of the balance of NeS. Meanwhile, the ghostly figures floats, stroking his ghostly chin...

ghost dude: Hmmm... I feel as if I forgot something...

Rob: How did I ever get in this room? I can never remember how to get out. I should have followed Jim instead of eating that bundle of pixie sticks in my pocket from who knows how long ago--

ghost dude: AH! I mean, ACK!

Rob: What?

ghost dude: I know what I forgot! There was suppose to be a 5th protector with us.

Rob: Huh? Oh crap, that's right. We usually didn't invite him because he'd eat all the food.

ghost dude: Well you'd always kill the parties, but that's beside the point. He, as with you and the other three, will be needed very soon. You must find him.

Rob: But where? I can't even find my way out of this stupid chamber!

Meanwhile, Gebohq approaches Big Ben, where the Hall of Heroes was founded. Dark clouds swirled above, the winds blowing his hair around more heavily now. All around him, London appeared to be falling apart, the continuing blasts from the plot-holes within Big Ben having punched holes through the walls and outside into other parts of the city. Residents of London ran around aimlessly in panic as random monsters appeared due to the plotholes.

Geb: Yeesh. Janitor Bob sure will have his hands full after this ordeal.

Gebohq looked at the ring Antestarr quietly had handed to him sometime earlier. It was a rather pretty ring, feminine almost. Antestarr had only told him that "he held NeS now" whatever that meant. Gebohq looked toward the entrance of Big Ben, his head held high.

Geb: Time to make my entrance...

Voice: Wait up!

A familiarly fat feline walks up to Gebohq.

Geb: Morris?

Morris: Who'd you expect? Mr. T?

Geb: Well--

Morris: Don't answer that. You just help me inside for some food.

Geb: Wait -- where've you been so long, and why do you come here now?

Morris: I was chilling over at the Legion of Spooky when everybody sort of got up and left. Nobody bothered to tell old MORRIS where. Anyway, I heard there was some good pie here, and besides, I haven't bothered you in a while.

Geb: You do know that it's evil pie, right?

Morris: Evil-shmevil, just show me the way.

Geb: I think all of it's gone too.

Morris: WRAAA! Fine. I'll go elsewhere then.

Just then, it begins to rain.

Morris: Hisss! Stupid rain! Get me inside, Geb.

Geb: Er, ok...

The two of them sprint their way inside. As they close the door behind them though, they both see a dark figure standing before them.

dark figure: I've been waiting for you, Gebohq.

Geb: You have?

dark figure: Yes. Allow me to introduce myself: I am the Ever-ending Plot. Some know me as Vinny.

Morris: What are you doing here? The time can't have come yet!

dark figure: Oh, but it has. Gebohq has even brought my arch-nemesis with him.

Morris: Where...?

*Morris the Cat looks to Gebohq, and notices the ring on his hand.*

Morris: Geb! The ring! Take it off!

*Still somewhat confused, Gebohq slides the ring off his finger and into his hand. A wind sweeps through the room, and the ring begins to unwravel into a number of pages, which swirl around the room. The papers begin to recollect into the form of a human, which stands in front of Gebohq. His eyes are large, and his features sharp, youthful, though the light plays on those features, revealing his age.*

Geb: Erik...?

Erik: Though some, like you, may know me by that name, this is not my true form, just as that which stands against us is not really Vinny.

The EeP/Vinny hisses out Erik's true name, while the NeS/Erik yelps his opponent's true name.

Morris: Crap, I'm not ready for this. The other protectors aren't here! I have to get out of here!

Geb: Wait! Don't leave me here!

It was too late though, as Morris sacrifices his comfort to flee back outside.

Geb: This can't be good...

(NSP: To answer some potential questions:

-Yes, Morris the Cat is suppose to be the 5th protector, and my reasons for wanting a 5th protector, and to have such be Morris, relate to both TNBN and that the 5 compare well to Satan and the 4 horsemen (they keep the balance, not necessarily do good.) Thus, I ask that there be no more than five.

-Since the EeP has a human form, and since NeS has been mentioned to have a human form, I gave the NeS equivilant a human name. Since Erik Hill has posted in the past, I made an assumption that a NeS character of erik was running around, and since, like Vinny, didn't do much anything else, made him a good canidate. Erik happens to mean "ever-ruler" while Vinny means "to conquor." The letter E also is the 5th from the first letter of the alphabet, just as V is the 5th from the last letter of the alphabet. Yes, I put way too much effort into this, but NeS is my baby.

-We have about 20-ish posts to go, so we don't need to rush this climax. Whatever doesn't get covered here will be so in the final post before NeSquared/page 51.

If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, etc. feel free to drop me a line in #NeS or by e-mail or by AIM/MSN (Gebohq). TLTE, I hope this set-up is in harmony with the ideas you had in mind. Note the rain outside http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif.)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited October 15, 2003).]

The MAZZTer

10-17-2003, 05:23 AM

MZZT: Gah! Nooo...

*MZZT falls through a never-ending sea of black... the plot-hole Bill Gates had fired caused him to have never been born. So his soul is stuck in this place. In the heart of the plot-hole.*

MZZT: Ugh... oh no...

*The sounds he makes are echoing around him in an eeary way, against the darkness and silence.*

MZZT: Oh.. ack.. the darkness hurts my eyes, it's so dark...

*Gradually, a wind starts howling, and MZZT's clothes flutter as if he's falling. Gradually light appears from nowhere, and he can gradually begin to see where he's falling to. Out of the plothole.*

MZZT: AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.... *SPLASH*

*MZZT has just landed in the ocean.. he can see two landmasses at equal distances on either side of him. He pulls up his water-proof wrist-watch and checks the GPS.*

MZZT: Wow, I'm right smack in the middle of the English Channel. There's France and there's England!.... But... er... I have no clue which one is which. >.<

*MZZT sighs and begins paddling towards France, mistaking it for England.*

MZZT: Aha! Thanks!

*HEY! Go back that way! You're not supposed to be able to hear me!*

MZZT: Well too bad, I can. *swims toward England*

*grumble... those heroes always cheat... grrrr... why can't I just reveal something to the readers?!?! sigh*

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited December 28, 2003).]

The Last True Evil

10-19-2003, 07:50 AM

*TLTE's battle with TFFE is one-sided, to put it mildly. This is largely due to the fact that TLTE is, unlike his opponent, unable to make himself incorporeal, and thus impossible to touch. Desperately, he fends off swing after swing, finally pressing up against the thick clock-face interior. Outside, the little hand turns ominously. It is now officially the 11th hour for the NeS.*

TFFE: Being a falsitude of existence DOES have its perks, I see...

*He stabs at TLTE's heart. TLTE bullet-dodges at a 90-degree angle to the ground. Cunningly, TFFE angles his slash downward at the last instant, placing his blade through TLTE's right hand.*

TLTE: On the inside, I'm screaming like a girl.

TFFE: You'll be mouthing the next pithy line on your way back to the afterlife!

*He returns to basic form, hands choking his foe. TLTE puts up what resistance he can with one hand pinned to the metal floor with a razor-sharp blade. That is to say, he starts to die. Again.*

TLTE: (Classic choking noises)

TFFE: Any last words?!

TLTE: (More aggressive choking noise)

*He boots TFFE in the abdomen, winding him. TLTE's second kick knocks his foe off him, and gives him a valuable moment to pry his hand free. With considerable effort, he grips both blades in both hands and turns to his laughing opponent.*

TFFE: Honestly, what do you think you're going to do with those?

*TLTE spins and lunges, blades whirring and whooshing impressively. For all his swordsmanship, however, he succeeds in doing nothing but creating momentary cuts in the ghostly form of TFFE, which heal over in ghostly fashion in an instant. TLTE pauses for a split second - instantly, TFFE materialises and punches TLTE brutally, sending him toppling backward. TFFE towers over him, smiling.*

TFFE: We could be at this all day, really.

TLTE: My condolences to your family, but I really must finish this.

TFFE: You really are a gallingly arrogant hero, aren't you?

TLTE: It's the Bolshevik in me.

*He stands, crossing his swords in a classic aggressive stance. TFFE turns wraith-like in response. Quickly, TLTE draws the blades back, as if to throw them.*

TFFE: Bad move.

TLTE: I know.

*He throws them. The swords pass through TFFE, severing the gantry supports in the centre of the bridge. Instantly, the two warriors fall. TFFE plummets, screaming, into the inky abyss, but TLTE is prepared and manages to grab one end with a single hand, plucking out his sword and replacing it in its sheath.*

TLTE: Now, to the final chapter of this little play. I'm coming, Gebohq...

*And saying no more, he lets himself drop, sailing into the darkness and leaving the situation inside Big Ben catastrophic...*

[NSP: Hint hint http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif Heroes are needed in small amounts to aid Absolver against Gates and his army of monsters. The very future of the NeS depends on it! No, I mean, I'm serious this time. Honestly.]

shade

10-19-2003, 11:02 AM

as Gates wielded his plothole pistol against the heroes, things began to look grim. Absolver was dodging plotholes, deftly fending them off with his piece of toast, when a monster dived from the wall and consumed his toast, as the vicious little Microsoft Word application munched vicously away at Absolver's piece of toast, Gates leveled his plothole pistol Absolver, grinning maniacally

Gates:"I wouldn't call it a manical grin, more ic really"

whatever, Gates is grinning, happy?

Gates:"close enough. now Absolver, you shall suffer the same fate as your friend Mzzt"

Absolver:"ah...actually I didn't even know the chap...not really a friend you see, kinda have to know my friends, plus, I wasn't paying attention at that moment, what happened to the guy?"

Gates rolled his beady little eyes at Absolver and shook his pistol at the spot where Mzzt had been

Gates:"I fired a plothole at him and he became his own father. he doesn't exist right now..."

unbeknownst to Gates, Mzzt was at that moment crawling up on the shores of England, gasping for air and attempting to remove an amorous starfish from his elbow.

Gates:"okay, so he is effectively out of the picture, as will you be here in a few moments."

Absolver:"uhm...crap?"

as Gates once again leveled his pistol at Absolver and fired, a blurred figure shot across the room to knock Absolver aside. as the trigger contacts shut and the pistol fired, Absolver fell to the ground as Galrek took his place. all Gates could do was watch in anguish as, instead of getting rid of Galrek, the Plothole instead turned into a small potted flower that hovered briefly in midair before smashing itself against the ground beneath them. growling, Gates fired once more, but this time, the plothole ricochetted off a dust particle to slide back into the pistol, clogging the barrel with a slightly soggy hot dog bun.

Gates:"but...how? it's impossible!"

Galrek:"actually, no, it is simply a result of my powers. I have a mastery over all things coincidental, chaotic, or chance."

Galrek, caught up in the moment, assumes his first Heroic stance, imitating something he once saw in a comic book

Galrek:"I...am Galrek...The Neutral! you cannot defeat me Gates! my random dumb luck is far more powerful than all of your technology!"

[nsp:howzat for help?]

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! [i]just add water

Tracer

10-19-2003, 08:22 PM

*In Big Ben's lobby...*

Gebohq: "I don't much care who he is, I'm still going to take him out."

*The elevator doors chime open and TLTE, suffering from the effects of the fight, strides out.*

The Last True Evil: "Stand down, Gebohq."

Gebohq: "Don't think so, TLTE. Not this time. The stakes are too high."

TLTE: "We've had our differences in the past, Geb, but you don't know what I know. Please, back off."

The Last True Television Executive: "Now this, *this* is quality television."

*Gebohq and TLTE look in the direction of the sound: hunkered behind the check-in desk are The Last True Television Executive and Phil, the UGO driver, who is capturing the scene on tape.*

Gebohq: "...unbelievable."

TLTE: "I could have sworn he was dead."

*From the sidelines, TLTVE silently gesculates at the heroes to do something exciting while Phil zooms in for the head shot.*

TRACER

I came in from the rain, and our eyes met. Months, years; I'd lost track of the time. I was only aware of the present, the now, the moment of truth.

*TLTVE's eyes widen, and he turns to flee.*

TRACER

My gun was a wasp's nest; In the brief second it takes to sneeze, I had sent thousands of angry insects forth to nettle his body.

Armed with a studio mike, he didn't have a chance. He deserved every bullet: It was his attempt to take me out with a missile strike - overkill to an almost comical extreme - that put me on the hunter's track in the first place.

*TLVTE gurgles a last syllable as the burst of gunfire perforates his body.*

TRACER

The payback was a refreshing burst of alpine air over my exhausted body. I watched his body jerk backwards, the telltale sign of death. My mind had frozen the impact of each round in time; a permenant record of vengeance.

TLTE: "Tracer?"

TRACER

They say that revenge is a dish best served cold; it's because heat clouds your judgement. When I had stepped through the doorway, I had been James Bond, Dirty Harry and Dick Justice. I had been right. But in that crucial split second, that moment of truth in which time slows to a crawl and everything comes down to simple decision, I made a mistake.

*TLTVE crumples against a marble pillar and slides down, leaving a trail of blood against the pristine surface.*

TRACER

I was a murderer.

------------------
Fighting for your rights; the Massassi Civil Liberties Union.

The Last True Evil

10-20-2003, 01:56 AM

*The uneasy company in the lobby all slowly turn to Tracer. He is standing, framed in the doorway as a streak of lightning coarses behind him. Tracer is wearing a leather jacket and holding two smoking berrettas, as well as nursing a gritty expression and rasping monologue. Aside from that, he is looking about as well as the day he was blasted off the face of the earth by an anti-Tracer missile...*

Tracer: My killer lounged back in the grim slumber of forced extermination. TLTE had murdered enough heroes for one day. But I was no longered murdered; I was an avenging angel, a righteous torch of lethal pump-action payback.

*Smirking, he casts his eyes over the group.*

Tracer: A sea of known and unknown faces assailed me, waves of reminiscing splashing over me like a first-date drink to the face. Gebohq, the band conductor of this macabre little orchestra of sorrow; Phil, the UGO driver, the tension seeping from him like a punctured can of ma's beans; the metaphysical embodiments of the NeS and its figurative 'Antichrist' - like I'd said, this was a long day. And...

*Tracer trails off, spotting TLTE.*

Tracer: ...and then the plot got gouda-cheese-thick. My nemesis stood before me, in full menacing Technicolour (bless his demonic heart). My triumph froze in its absorption, relocated several feet and formed a lump in my throat. It was a ruse. A scam. In this Monopoly board of scum, they were trying to give me the boot. But I wouldn't be fazed. I'd gained so many frequent-flyer points in my trips through Hell, I figured I deserved to treat myself to a stop-off in Maliciously Satisfied for once.

*He raises his guns. Gebohq leaps between the two.*

Gebohq: Tracer, wait! He's a good guy now!

Tracer: Why was Gebohq protecting the guy? What leering skeletons threatened to spill out of the NeS hero's closet into the darkest night? The sinking feeling in my gut played a duet with the flickering lightbulb in my brain, informing me that this was about to get interesting...

EeP: You are beginning to IRRITATE ME!

*He holds his hand up, and at once, everyone but Gebohq and Erik/NeS drop to their knees, in agonising pain. Gebohq, finally prompted into action, throws a haymaker and drops 'Vinny' to the floor. Everyone returns to normal, gasping for breath in their inflamed lungs.*

Gebohq: I'll fight you if I have to!

EeP: At last. The challenge of our lives. But first...

*He gesticulates, and Phil the UGO driver is horribly turned inside out, exploding revoltingly in his moment of sticky death.*

EeP: I have no need of you. Or you.

*He points to Tracer.*

Tracer: It was fight or flight. I grew wings and decided to try the lesser birds of prey...

*He races past them all, to the chamber proper and Gates.*

TLTE: I don't understand, why must I remain?

EeP: When the last life drains out of Gebohq's body, then I will activate your clone army to destroy the NeS.

TLTE: I won't let you do it!

*He leaps upon the EeP, running his sword through the ghastly fiend's midsection. The EeP roars and lances TLTE with a stream of blue energy, sending him flying into the wall and rebounding, coming to a rest, unconscious, next to Gebohq.*

EeP: You don't wield the sword skillfully enough to stop me. Gebohq, perhaps..?

*Gebohq glares at him, then down to TLTE. He is not moving. Across the room, Erik is hunched almost fearfully next to the door, unable to leave but wanting to more than anything. Finally, Geb glares at the EeP, a being of everything he stands against.*

Gebohq: It's worth a try to stop you.

*He lunges forward, pulls TLTE's sword out of the EeP, and strikes...*

shade

10-20-2003, 02:56 PM

inside the chamber proper, Tracer leaps into the room to find Galrek sitting cross-legged on top of a trussed up Gates chatting with Absolver.
Absolver:"that was truly amazing, how'd you make that net-gun whatzit though?"
Galrek:"very simple, any intelligent and creative person can make anything they can imagine so long as they have these three items...three rolls of ducttape, two cans of easy cheese, and a stick. with those easy to aquire supplies, one can do anything."
before Tracer can begin his monologue once more, Galrek turns to notice him.
Galrek:"ah, hello there, have you had any pie in the last two days?"
Tracer: as I walked in, I found this strange man chatting with an equally strange man with toast. the first guy was using Gates as a chair and had him trussed up like a christmas ham.
Galrek:"I wouldn't say he's trussed up that well, more like an easter egg or something similar, but for all his skinniness, he's suprisingly more comfortable than the floor...speaking of floors, why are you talking in a monologue? you been hit with some kinda plothole I haven't seen before?"

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

Krig the Viking

10-21-2003, 12:21 AM

*The scene is the English countryside. Rolling hills dotted with sheep, the occasional rustic house, and small villages tucked away in the corners of valleys all lie peacefully under a leaden sky. Over the hills strides a lone figure, his shoes squishing on the road's pavement, his dripping clothes leaving a trail of wet spots behind him. The clouds above rumble threateningly, lightning flashes, and it begins to rain.*

MZZT: "Oh, great. Not only am I my own father, but now I'm twice as soaking wet as before. Bah."

*Just then, a familiar face pops up from behind one of the low stone walls that line the road.*

Maeve: "Hey, it's MZZT! Hey guys, it's just MZZT!"

*Galvatron, Cool Matty, and Dr. Dor pop their heads up from behind the wall, too.*

Cool Matty: "Did you see where that scary Darkside 3000 thing went? Is it safe to come out?"

Dr. Dor: "Yes, a most intriguing manifestation, that, but entirely too scary for Mr. Jingles and I!"

MZZT: "Mr. Jingles?"

Dr. Dor: "Ah, yes, he was an amazing discovery! I had always thought my pinkie finger was entirely without sentience! Say hi to the man, Mr. Jingles!"

*Dr. Dor holds up his pinkie finger and waves it in the air.*

Dr. Dor: "I'm afraid he only speaks Pinkie-ese, so no-one knows what he's saying. But I am working on a translator device that..."

MZZT: "Uh, right. About Darkside 3000, I haven't seen him since I, uh, suddenly got called away. But we need to return to the Hall of Heroes! Bill Gates is there, and TLTE is alive, and they're fighting, and they need our help!"

Galvatron: "Yeah, but it's raining cats and dogs out here! Let's find someplace dry and wait until it stops!"

MZZT: "Bah, it's not so bad! Oh, wait, it is..."

*MZZT looks around and realises that it is, in fact, literally raining cats and dogs. As in, felines and canines are falling from the sky.*

MZZT: "Well, this can't be a good sign for the NeS..."

Cool Matty: "Say, why do you have a starfish attatched to your elbow?"

MZZT: "I thought it looked cool, okay? Stupid starfish..."

*Meanwhile, in one of the Hall of Heroes' many rooms...*

Tracer
It was a good question. Why was I narrating my own actions to myself? And more importantly, should I tell these people? I didn't know any of them from Cain, except Gates, and he was the last person I wanted to tell anything to...

Galrek: "You know, we can hear you..."

Tracer: "Crap."

*Just then, the door opens and Janitor Bob, CookedHaggis, Ford, Kyle Katarn7, Losien, Maybechild, theOtter, Semievil, and Krig the Viking file in, looking grim.*

Tracer
My old friends! As they filed in I couldn't help a surge of joy at seeing them, but something was wrong. The way they looked, the way they smelled -- they were like dogs gone rabid, or maybe eggs gone bad. And that was just their smell. It was the smell of evil, and I didn't like it. I had to--

Krig: "Krig smash!"

*Krig leaps at Tracer, his axe brandished, as the other Evil Heroes go after Galrek and Absolver. On the floor, Gates giggles madly through his gag. Haggis stoops down and begins to untie him, while Absolver and Galrek are beaten back. Due to various random co-incidences, the attacks on Galrek fall short -- theOtter trips and his punch misses, Ford steps on Otter's head and his uppercut goes wide, Kyle attempts a spinning roundhouse kick and slips on a banana peel, falling on Otter... etc. Meanwhile, Absolver is backed into a corner by Maybechild and Losien, who are raining punches down upon him, unable to hit back because hey, they're chicks, and he don't do that kinda thing!*

EvilOtter: "Ow! Quit falling on me!"

Gates: "Aha! You fools, you thought you could outsmart me! You are stupid squid-larvae compared to me!"

Galrek: "Do squid have larvae?"

Gates: "Shut up, you! And now, to pick up where I was so rudely interrupted..."

*Gates aims his plothole-gun at Absolver, who is pinned down in the corner. The mini-plothole thuds into Absolver's chest, and he winces.*

Absolver: "Wait... what did that do?"

Gates: "Mwehehe. Look who's mortal now!"

Absolver: "I was immortal? Crap! Somebody shoulda told me!"

Gates: "Of course you were! And now, you die!"

*Gates pulls out his knife and slams it into Absolver's chest.*

Absolver: "Um -- you do realise that that's just the handle of a knife, and that it's no worse than poking..."

Gates: "Blast! Stupid MZZT! Then I shall have to do this the less pretty way!"

*Gates backs up and extends his hands. Lightning shoots out of them, electrifying Absolver, burning his innards.*

Gates: "Mwahahahaha! MWAhahahaha! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!"

Galrek the Neutral: "NOOOOOOOOOO -- I mean, wait, I hardly even know that guy! I just met him five minutes ago! Why am I concerned for his safety? On the other hand, I did save his life a bit ago, and it'd be a shame for that to go to waste..."

Will Absolver be killed? Will Galrek continue on the path he's chosen and become a real Hero? Or will he gripped by indecision forever? And what's with it raining cats and dogs in the English Countryside? Continue reading, dear reader, and all or maybe just part will be revealed!

------------------
5=(x-(x-5))
where x = infinity

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited October 21, 2003).]

The MAZZTer

10-21-2003, 11:03 AM

*MZZT is huddled next to building with Galv, CM, Dr.Dor, and maevie, as cats and dogs continue to fall from the heavens.*

maevie: Ok, guys, we need a plan. We gotta get to the Arena.

CoolMatty: Why the Arena?

MZZT: It's the logical place for the final battle. In some RPGs, the place a sotry starts in inevitably where the final boss will be located.

CM: This isn't an RPG.

maevie: But still, I believe that's where we should go. Now, we need weapons, and transportation.

MZZT: How about this?

*MZZT pulls out his Donut Hole Uber Destructive Godlike Unholy Neutralize (DHUDGUN)*

maevie: ... that'll work http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

CM: Now, we need transporation...

maevie: Galv, you've been awfully quiet... I'm sure you've got weapons of some sort.

Galv: Er... I can DDOS attack servers?

CM: Pfft, I do that e-- er I could do that if I wanted to...

MZZT: Galv, you don't happen to be able to transform intp vehicles do you?

Galv: What makes you say that?

MZZT: Well, you transformed into a dragon on page 1, and you certantly have been upgraded since then.

Galv: Er... no. Not at all. I've actually downgraded. I don't like carrying people around... ef course, I have no ability to do so, so it works out all nicely... HEY!

*MZZT, while Galv was talking, push d a button on Galv's side, and the Galvatron User Manual popped out.*

MZZT: Hmmm... AHA! "Vehicular Transformation"

Galv: Give that back! That's mine! *makes a useless swipe for it, and MZZT backs away*

MZZT: Ahh... here we go! "Manual Override"

Galv: Carp! No! Don't use the manual override!

MZZT: "To initiate manual override, all you have to say..."

Galv: I CAN'T HEAR YOU I CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALALALAL *Covers his ears and runs around*

MZZT: *over the din* "ALL YOU HAVE YO SAY IS, 'SYSTEM SHUTDOWN INTO MANUAL MODE'"

Galv: I CA--ej;lejf;jdv.................. *Stops in his tracks and falls to the ground with a clunk*

MZZT: ... Woah...

Galv: System rebooted. Verbose command mode enabled.

MZZT: *pages through the manual* Stand up.

*Galv stands up.*

MZZT: Vahicular transformation: car

*Galv transforms into a two-door car*

*CM starts reading the list of vehicles over MZZT's shoulder*

MZZT: That's not gonna work.... Vehicular transformation:

CM: Bus!

*Galvatrontransforms into a bus*

MZZT: We are NOT going to the Arena to find evol on a BUS.

maevie: Agreed.

CM: Er... ok then... Vehicular Transformation... er...

*maevie looks over MZZT's other shoulder*

maevie: Jet Plane!

*Galv transforms into a fighter jet. With one seat.*

MZZT: Ooh! I found one! Vehicluar Transformation: DeLorean!

*Galv transforms into an almost perfect replica of the DeLorean from Back to the Future(TM), complete with hovering abilities.*

ALL: Oooh! *Everyone quickly climbs in*

MZZT: I got the driver's seat!

CM: Hey, no fair!

Dr. Dor: Ooh! The fabled Flux Capacitor!

maevie: Let's just go to the Arena!

MZZT: Already on our way. http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

*MZZT starts the DeLorean/Galv up an...*

MZZT: Ah, shoot. I'm not licensed to drive a hovercar. I don't know what half of these control are either...

maevie: me neither

CM: Nor me.

Dr Dor: I am!

MZZT: Really?

Dr Dor: No, just joking.

MZZT: Bah. *looks in the Galv manual* Bleh, no help for specific vehicles... hmm... this looks helpful... "Engage Autopilot"

Galv/DeLorean: Autopilot can only be engaged if this unit's Automatic Mode is enabled.

MZZT: Er... I don't think Galv will be happy if he finds out his a DeLorean...

maevie: Well, if he's seen Back to the Future, he might...

MZZT: If you say so... "Automatic Mode".

Galv: Automatic mode swithcing... .... WTH YOU CHANGED ME INTO A DELOREAN.

MZZT: Well, maevie thought...

Galv: AND ALL THAT TRANSFORMING MESSED UP MY VEHICULAR TRANSFORMATION CIRCUITS, I CAN'T CHANGE BACK!!!

MZZT: It's not my fault! I only did it twice!

Galv: ONCE YOU GET OUT, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!

CM: How?

Galv: er... HIT AND RUN! YES, THAT'S HOW!!!

*Galv/DL switches gears and takes off, accidentally sideswiping some trashcans and fire hydrannts along the street until they are airborne.*

Galv/DL: I swear, I will NEVER allow this to happen to me again... and give me my darn manual back!

* The glove box opens and it sucks the manual from MZZT's hand, and then it closes again.*

MZZT: *ignores the glove box*

Dr. Dor: Excuse me, Mr Galv, can you travel through time like the real DeLorean?

Galv: Of course not. It would make NeS too complicated.

Dr. Dor: Ah. Too bad.

Galv: We'll be at the Arena in 30 mins... (Thank God).

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The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/) - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited December 28, 2003).]

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited October 22, 2003).]

DrkJedi82

10-22-2003, 06:40 PM

*At the Arena the Heroes exit Galv and find not what they are looking for but standing atop a structure at the edge of the Arena a dark winged figure is kneeling down watching them. Just then the figure stands and as it spreads it's wings a flash of lighting reveals every detail of the figure from it's long dark hair to its blood stained wings, it is Jim7, he has been waiting for the forces of Evil, and Gebohq, to show up.*

Jim7: WRAA!!

Jim7 draws his sword and jumps down to the heroes. Not knowing Jim7 didn't recognize them they attempt to attack Jim7 but are simply tossed aside.

Jim7: ENOUGH Jim7's voice causes the area to shake I did not know who you were.

MZZT: Then why did you attack us?

Jim7: I didn't you fool I simply jumped down to you.

Maeve: Why did you have your sword out?

Jim7: Just in case you were one of the bad guys.

all: oh... right...

Jim7: Now I must return to my position and wait for the proper people to arrive.

Galv: How do you know they will be here?

Jim7: WTF? Did y'all know your car talks?

Galv: I'm a robot!

Jim7: oh... anyway they will be drawn to this location the NeS calls them to this location even now as we speak.

That said Jim7 spreads his wings and takes off for his observation spot. Then moments later a go kart pulls up and Rob, Ares, and Cthulhu join Jim7 atop the various tall structures surrounding the Arena.

Jim7: yelling to Rob Where is the other guy?

Rob: We don't know we looked all over the place then left a note in the room with the ghost dude.

WHAT IS TO HAPPEN AT THE ARENA? WHY THE ARENA? WHERE IS THE 5TH PROTECTOR? THESE QUESTIONS AND MANY MORE MIGHT BE ANSWERED ON THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF "WANG CHUNG ADVENTURES"!

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Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Cool Matty

10-23-2003, 08:13 AM

CM: I'm going to find EeP.

MZZT: Eh? Woh, wait a second. What do you mean your going to find him?

CM: I have a good idea where he is, and someone needs to find him. Plus, I am the perfect choice?

maevie: And why is that?

CM: Simple. If I find him, and he kills me, you all will still be alive to fight him. Also, I can teleport as long as he doesn't get me while I'm concentrating.

MZZT: Well it sounds solid, but where do you think he is?

CM: I'll tell you later. I got the feeling that something bad is going to happen, right now...

CM begins to lift off the ground...

MZZT: ... SINCE WHEN CAN YOU FLY?!

CM: There's a lot you don't know about me. Hopefully there will be a time that I will be able to tell you...

CM then flies off to Big Ben...

CM: Wai, you sure they are at Big Ben?

Wai *radio*: Yes, for sure. I'm floating here watching them!

CM: Good. Try not to get involved, but if something happens to Geb, you might need to fight EeP.

Wai: Understood. Please hurry.

A few minutes later CM arrives at Big Ben. However, inside a battle is about to begin...

EeP: This is the end of NeS, Geb.

Geb: We've won before, this time won't be any different.

Suddenly, a random shot from Gate's plothole gun richochets off of a wall, and nails Geb in the back. Geb, in a flash of light, disappears...

EeP: GEB! YOU ARE ONLY DELAYING THE INEVITABLE!

CM: Perhaps I can satisfy your hunger for death?

EeP: Who are you?! No matter, I will destroy you, and find Geb. I did it once, I can do it again.

CM: Cut the chatter and fight me!

EeP, not one for delaying, runs at CM. CM suddenly realizes that melee fighting isn't exactly his strong point.

CM: I think I should have planned this better...*CRACK*

EeP nails CM right in the cheek, throwing CM against the wall. CM slowly returns to a standing position.

CM: WAI, I NEED MY STAFF. WARP IT IN, QUICKLY!

Wai*Radio*: Immediately!

CM's staff appears in his left hand. Using the staff as a focal point for his magic powers, he summons a few rapid energy blasts, and hails them at EeP.

EeP: Ha, do you think those pitiful attacks will hurt me?!

EeP puts his arms in front of him, and the blasts explode without damage to him. EeP returns to slamming CM on random walls and floors.

CM: This isn't going well. I need some ideas, and quick...

EeP kicks CM into the air. CM regains control, and holds himself in the air. He then continues to fire the blasts at EeP...

EeP: You know those are ineffective! They will not hurt me!

Again EeP blocks the blasts...

CM: Your wrong.

EeP: What?

CM: I win.

Suddenly, a large mass of energy blasts, that had been collecting behind EeP all this time, fired away at the speed of light, and nail EeP in the back. EeP falls to the floor, but starts to get back up. CM takes the opportunity, and summons his most powerful attack...

CM: Suprosa Minivara Ti Sano Medivil... VOLCANIC BLAST!

A huge red blast of energy slams into EeP, throwing him to the floor again. Then, the beam narrows, and pierces EeP.

CM: And that's all I got.

Both fall to the floor. CM, being drained off all his power, is too weak to stand. EeP, bleeding severely from the gaping hole, gets up, and flies slowly away, toward the arena.

------------------
"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

Cool Matty

10-23-2003, 01:04 PM

CM: Wai, I don't know if my radio is still working, but I hope you can hear me...

*silence*

CM: Either way, I hope you are getting this. It might just *cough* be my end of the transmissi*cough* mission...

CM (In a near-death straining voice): Wai, I didn't defe *hack* defeat EeP...
He is wounded... heavily... so I hope that the heros can take care of him...
I need you... *heavy breathing* to take my staff. In the bottom, is a screw-off end, and a letter inside...
Please read the contents *cough* and relay them to the Heros...
And one last thing ... Wai... watch over Mimiru. She's reckless, and she'll get herself killed if she's n*cough* not watched... you'll need her help though, so please, get her, and tell her the events that ...... that took place here...
Thank you Wai, you're the best AI a firemaster could have...

EeP... nearly out of the building now, realizes that CM is not yet dead. He decides to finish the job...

EeP: This is what you get for messing with me. This is where your plotfractal ends!

EeP summons a large energy blast, similar to CM's. He forms it into a ball, and delivers the blast volleyball style. The ball hurtles at CM, who is completely defenseless, at light-speed. Suddenly, a flash of light appears, and Wai jumps in front of the attack, just in time to give the ball a swift kick back at EeP. The kick was perfect, after a quick calculation by Wai's superior computer brain, and the ball blasted EeP into the arena not far from Big Ben. Wai ignores EeP, and flies to his friend's side...

Wai: CM, please say your alright... you can't die!

CM: I know... *cough* this is just like a corny movie ending ... but ... please ... do as I ask, and read the letter...*cough*

CM: And above all else........... take care ... take care of ... mi...miru....

Wai: NO! CM! ....

Wai's programming, which does not include the ability to control his grief, such as denial, comes up with only one way to remove the emotions he now has .... revenge.

Wai: The letter ... I'll read it CM. And I will take care of Mimiru, wherever she is.

Wai proceeds to pull the letter out of the bottom of CM's staff

Dear Wai:

I assume you are the one reading this... but even if it is not, there is information here that is important to the continuation of NeS. My plan, was to destory EeP. I went into the battle knowing I couldn't survive, but I was willing to sacrifice, if it meant the continuation of NeS. But I know that not all plans go exactly as planned. I hope that I killed EeP, but if I was somehow unsuccessful, there is only one way to save the NeS...
ALL THE HEROS MUST COMBINE FORCES.
Yes, this includes the good heros and the bad heros. Especially the Good 5, and the Bad 5. If even one is missing, I fear that NeS will be unsuccessful. Even if I was unsuccessful in killing EeP, I am almost certain he must be injured. Keep this in mind, and exploit it in every way you can.
Now Wai, you must get Mimiru. She knows what to do, she has been researching NeS for quite a while. However, for her protection, even I do not know her location. Seek her out, and she will reveal herself, that I am certain. And please, give Geb my staff. I am sure he will find a use in it.
Thank you Wai, MZZT, Geb, ALL OF YOU, for the sacrifices you all have made for NeS. I just hope I made a mark in this Never-ending Story.

Firemaster forever
Coolmatty

Wai: CM, I will fulfill your requests. Don't worry, we will win this battle. All of us. Rest In Peace, my only friend...

Well guys, EeP and Geb are in the arena. Lots of info just got splattered all over, so please read my post so as not to butcher it. Let's finish this chapter up real nice for post 2000! http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif

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"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...