Results 1 to 17 of 17

Thread: Student Council Treasurer Speech

  1. #1

    Student Council Treasurer Speech

    A friend of mine asked me to write his speech for student council. Four years ago I ran for president and gave a speech that was 'legendary' thanks to massassi. Hopefully you guys might have some tips so my friend can come across victorious. Feel free to make suggestions and rip this thing apart all you want. I need to have it ready tomorrow morning, though. Not much time to work with.
    Oh, and the school name is "Paradise." It's a small Christian school with 250 students.


    Brothers and sisters of Paradise,
    money moves the wheels of history,
    and this year I will move those wheels like never before
    in the history of this school. Friends, desks and chairs will
    tremble and shake with the triumphent roar of coins and cash
    flowing into the hands of our excellent student council.
    Things will get done and we shall acquire great things for all
    people of all ages and classses within this family that is Paradise.
    Things will be done, and they will be done for -you-.
    As Franklin Roosevelt once said, "Happiness is not in the mere
    possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the
    thrill of creative effort." I feel that we can all embrace the joy of
    achieving something great this year, and I know that all of our
    efforts will bring a financial blessing upon the school if you
    elect me for student council treasurer.

  2. #2
    aka Vincent Valentine
    Fancy Pants

    Posts
    9,717
    Make sure to have him slam his hands on the podium and shake his fists in the air.
    This city is dying of rabies. Is the best I can do to wipe random flecks of foam from its lips?

  3. #3
    My greatest fear is that they give him a flimsy music stand.

  4. #4
    My brother was the Secretary/Treasurer for his senior class and his entire speech was mastebatory innuendo. Funny as hell.

  5. #5
    I think it might have more impact if you used FDR's whole name.
    "Franklin Delano Roosevelt" just has a better ring to it.
    On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
    My Portfolio

  6. #6
    "Has it won yet?"a
    Posts
    16,461
    Quote Originally Posted by Axis
    money moves the wheels of history,
    and this year I will move those wheels like never before
    in the history of this school. Friends, desks and chairs will
    tremble and shake with the triumphent roar of coins and cash
    flowing into the hands of our excellent student council.
    First, it is a repetitive opening. Second, the imagery is way too strong.
    SnailIracing:n(500tpostshpereline)pants
    -----------------------------@%

  7. #7
    Unwitting troll accomplice
    Posts
    7,942
    Quote Originally Posted by Echoman
    First, it is a repetitive opening. Second, the imagery is way too strong.
    Nonsense. It's hilariously over-the-top. I love it.
    If you think the waiters are rude, you should see the manager.

  8. #8
    Mopping Up Since 2000
    Posts
    348
    I used to ghost-write Student Government speeches. This will win for sure, provided you have the dramatic moxie to perform it well. If you could set it to music as well, that would be a plus.
    "Your entire base belongs to us."
    "It would be highly appreciated if someone would set the bomb up for us"
    "Launch all of our ships, christened 'Zigs', to insure that justice will be achieved swiftly and powerfully."

  9. #9
    Zulenglashernbracker
    Posts
    5,471
    Quote Originally Posted by Avenger
    My brother was the Secretary/Treasurer for his senior class and his entire speech was mastebatory innuendo. Funny as hell.
    Oh man. I want to hear that so bad...

    And I agree with Michael. If he can sound like he's enjoying giving this speech, I'd like it. I'd much prefer someone who's up there having a good time giving a speech to me than one who just reads facts off a sheet.
    I have a blog. It sucks.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Axis
    Four years ago I ran for president and gave a speech that was 'legendary' thanks to massassi.
    Can you give a link or describe what happened?
    "it is time to get a credit card to complete my financial independance" — Tibby, Aug. 2009

  11. #11
    Mopping Up Since 2000
    Posts
    348
    I remember helping you with that, Axis. I think I still have it on my computer at home.
    "Your entire base belongs to us."
    "It would be highly appreciated if someone would set the bomb up for us"
    "Launch all of our ships, christened 'Zigs', to insure that justice will be achieved swiftly and powerfully."

  12. #12
    Janitor Bob, I would love for you to send that to me or something, as I have lost all copies of it.

    When I ran for president, everyone had decided to vote for this Indian kid by the name of Dale. He was smarter, older, and more experienced than I was in student council matters. (At the time, I was only a freshman.)
    When Dale got up to say his speech, he hadn't really written anything and even worse, he didn't know he wasn't supposed to actually 'say' the position he was running for in his speech. He was nervous and unprepared and fumbled with a little scrap of paper.

    However, I got up and said my speech, with some inspirational music playing softly in the background and spoke with great gusto. When I finished, everyone in the school stood to their feet and applauded and I thus won by a landslide. It was awesome.

  13. #13
    Wow... a standing ovation from the entire school for a freshman's student council speech? That is legendary.
    "it is time to get a credit card to complete my financial independance" — Tibby, Aug. 2009

  14. #14
    Throw in a phrase like, "I will fill our coffers or choke their rivers with our dead."

    Everything sounds good when contrasted with choking their rivers with your dead. Who "they" are in the statement is irrelevant, it shows your friend means business and isn't afraid to get his hands dirty, doing the behind the scenes dirty work of the student council, which more often than not involves dumping corpses in rivers.

    Such is the real work of a "treasurer."

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Masq
    Throw in a phrase like, "I will fill our coffers or choke their rivers with our dead."

    Everything sounds good when contrasted with choking their rivers with your dead. Who "they" are in the statement is irrelevant, it shows your friend means business and isn't afraid to get his hands dirty, doing the behind the scenes dirty work of the student council, which more often than not involves dumping corpses in rivers.

    Such is the real work of a "treasurer."
    Scamander/Xanthus wouldn't be happy with you mr. achilles reincarnate
    一个大西瓜

  16. #16
    Mopping Up Since 2000
    Posts
    348
    Sorry for ressurecting this thread, but I found a version of your speech, Axis. I don't know how much you actually used, but here it is anyway:

    When I first began to write this speech, I had NO idea where to start. So I did what I always do when I need vision, when I need purpose, when I need direction. I turned on Cotton Eyed Joe. And as that mesmerizing melody flowed through my mind, that beautiful beat opened my eyes to the questions philosophers have been asking for ages. Questions that need answering.

    *Build up to yelling* Where did we come from? Were do we go! Where did we COME FROM! Cotton Eye JOE!

    Then it hit me! We come from a dark and dilapidated dungeon. We come from a place of separation, a place that lacks ideas, that lacks vision, that lacks… spirit. And no, I’m not talking about just yelling, "We've got spirit yes we do” at the command of a wave of a few pom-poms, I’m talking about real spirit. Not phony, not simulated but true pride in our school. True belief that our school is the coolest school ever. If you don’t believe that then I ask “why not”. It is not the teachers, not the programs, not the building but rather you the students who make the school.

    As I stand here, looking out at the faces of the future, the faces of tomorrow, I see a crowd of Contenders. I see malice, I see judgement, I see london, I see france, I see a school that needs to be given a chance.

    Is that all we want to be? Contenders? We need to take a chance to be more than that. I feel that we need to do more things together as a school. I want to eliminate that massive gap that separates each and every classes. I love this school when the class boundaries are broken during 1st period, when both high school and middle school are able to come together in one class. I want to carry that further. I will try to organize events to bring our school together as one school. I don’t want us to call each other 9th graders, or 7th graders, or 10th graders, but rather *build up to yelling* (Name of High School and Mascot)

    I truly believe that everyone in this room is important. I feel it is important to take care of the all important matters that would be presented to me. I will work hard at any task I am given, at any job I am assigned. I am fully willing to do whatever I am able to do to make our school the not a good school, not a great school, but the BEST school ever. EVER! I want to put the cool in the word school, but right now there’s an H in the middle and that H stands for Hell.

    Thank you,
    And as Thomas Jefferson once said, “Vote for Axis, for Student Council President”
    "Your entire base belongs to us."
    "It would be highly appreciated if someone would set the bomb up for us"
    "Launch all of our ships, christened 'Zigs', to insure that justice will be achieved swiftly and powerfully."

  17. #17
    Thank you, SO much! I was afraid I'd never see that again.

    As for the treasurer speech, the kid running didn't find me in time to get his speech, so he wasn't able to use it. Also, the other guy running for treasurer had a really long and silly speech that captivated the crowd, so I'm afraid it was a dismal failure for him.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •