The truth behind tech support

You'll have to sit through a small, 30 second advertisement to read the full, 4 page story. Has some strong language, but is quite funny.

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I can't think of anything to put here right now.

Awsome.

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The Matrix is not Linux compatible.

Repost the content here. Please...

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The future is here, and all bets are off.

Nevermind, found a mirror.

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The future is here, and all bets are off.

[This message has been edited by GBK (edited February 23, 2004).]

That's not funny.. it's scary.

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Have a good one,
Freelancer

The only time I ever call tech support is when I know I have a hardware problem on a computer I bought from a vendor (so like twice in my life). And when that happens, I just tell them I'm doing what they ask even though I'm not. Eventually, they give up and I confuse them with some technical talk until they give me their supervisor, who I also confuse until they just ship me the new part I need.

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Ω of 14

reminds me of when i worked phones for Citibank, not support or anyhting like that, but its a good example of the moods you'll see in a massive scale incoming or outgoing calling center. That was the longest year of my life, out of the twenty so far.

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"I like my women how I like my coffee, in a plastic cup." - Eddie Izzard

it's sad to think that not even the ability to read text is ad-free anymore. When you have to watch a commercial to read something is when advertising has gone too far.

After reading the ful article, All I have to say is that I'm thankful that I know how to fix my own damn machine. At least if I solve my own problems I gon't end up giving these tech leechers any money by calling them.

For my design business, I handle all tech calls personally even though I own the company. I take pride in my work and I would never treat customers like that.

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Most people regard me as the dark and immoral side of Massassi. At least I'm getting what I want out of life.

[This message has been edited by Pagewizard_YKS (edited February 23, 2004).]

I called tech support once, and the guy sent me a new floppy drive.

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Death to all who oppose me!

Tech Support = Restart follwed by sending restore discs

For most companies, anyway.

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I'm not an actor. I just play one on TV.

same here except they came out and replaced the drive

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wang is within all

Ok, Time for a rebuttal!

As few of you might know (and fewer may care), I recently started work as a "Technical Support" representative in the call center of a graphics card company that shall for all sake, remain nameless. Actually, to tell the truth I work in the call center of NUMERIOUS companies at the same time. IS that to say I am outsourcing? No, I actually work in the basement of the corporate headquarters of our company. Our company however, has about 10 different divisions, all of which act as independent companies. and we few (all of us in the call center, being less than 10 warm bodies total) handle ALL of the technical support traffic, along with all of the RMA calls, and most of the customer service calls. We are actually divided into teams, with some of us handling different sets of calls (or Queues). I got lucky, I was deemed worthy of Cross-training, that means I actually know enough that they just decided to put me on ALL of the Queues at the same time (more on that later)! I would like to officially say that our call center is not like the one in the article. I cannot say it is perfect, and for the first month I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but this article helps. We are not bound by the 12 min rule, or any time rule for that matter. I Personally have taken calls lasting in excess of 45 min without thinking twice. In fact, we are only bound by a handful of rules:

1. The 2 min rule, It is the goal of our call center to keep all call wait times less than 2 min, and for 90% of the day, we manage this. There are occasional peak times when there are too many calls for the few of us to handle, or during lunch when half of our staff is eating. I have only once seen a call wait time of 20 min, and that was because we were all called off the phones for a half hour company meeting.

2. The 24 hour rule, All customer E-mail's should be answered with in 24 hours of receiving them. We admirably break this rule on Mondays (when we come to work with 80+ e-mails from the weekend), and occasionally on Fridays.

And most importantly, rule number 3!
TAKE OWNERSHIP OF YOUR CUSTOMER!
This is my favorite rule. This does not mean write "ownd" on the bottom of every e-mail, or speaking it under your breath at the end of every call. This means that this is YOUR customer, and it is up to you to make it your responsibility to try and fix their problems (within some limitations). Just today, this one got to me. A customer was issued an RMA (Return Merchandise Authorization) several months ago, and send in a defective product at that time. That very RMA was a mistake, as we did not, and do not support that product, and we did not have any replacement in stock. The customer waited several months, and then began (understandably) to worry about where his replacement was. Well, our warehouse has had some problems, and our database has even more. So NOTHING ever got done with him. The product he sent in was lost, and his order just sat there in the database until he called again several weeks ago. And he got me. I did my best for him. We did not have a replacement product for him, we did not have his original product, but along with our RMA manager, I managed to get him something else. By most standards what we were going to send him was going to be completely useless to him, except it was going to be worth about 5x to 10x more than the product he sent in. So I called him, and told him the score, and even mentioned that if it came down to it her could sell the new product and use the money to but the replacement part he needs and still make a profit. So he agreed. Well today he called again, having never received ANYTHING from us. Turns out that the guy in the warehouse my RMA manager had spoken to who promised us this new product did not actually have any in stock. As of now, I am still working out how to get him SOMETHING... The guy from the warehouse has not yet contacted us back, the database shows NOTHING evenly remotely similar to what we promised him... THIS MAKES ME PISSED! I WANT TO HELP CUSTOMERS!

This has happened on many occasions. In fact, without question, the shame of our tech support center is the RMA process. To be honest, it sucks, hard and often. It takes 3-4 WEEKS to RMA a video card, on a good month. Do you really want to be out a video card for that long? Not to mention that it takes longer for some of the other products I work with. We have lots and lots of problem with stock, with getting things shipped on time, with keeping track of things. The only thing we do NOT do, is loose things. No matter what happens, If you have an RMA number, we will have record of having a specific product from you. I get extremely aggravated though, If it takes 4 weeks for a product to be processed for RMA, guess how many times the computer is updated with information as to the status of that RMA? ONCE! And that’s just to say we send it out the customer and to provide the tracking number. This means that if a customer calls ONE day after they send the card to us, and then one day before we send it back to them, I can only really tell them the same thing. We also don’t provide any sort of expedited RMA services, or Cross shipping.

Now then, onto "The Mantra", actually, I agree with this. Think if you will, of the following situation. You answer a call from a customer, who is now irate. He just purchased a $500 Graphics card, and his 3Dmark01 Scores only went up 600 points. Or A customer who calls complaining that with the same card, his average frame rate in Call of Duty dropped from 160 FPS to 155 FPS for no apparent reason. Obviously that is beyond ANY company’s tech support abilities. And what about all of those thousands of game bugs out there. I could name about 50 off of the top of my head where customers call in saying "All of my games except game X works, and its because of your graphics card." When the problem is related with the game. Can you really expect us to support that? I am the ONLY real gamer in our call center, What do you expect.

Oh, and about punting. Sometimes Punting is the RIGHT answer, not just to get you off the phone. As some of you may know, 90% of Pre-built computers come with Build in (or Onboard if you like) video. And with the new generation of video cards, that Onboard video often needs to be disabled in order to get new video cards to work. Now as most of you also know, unless you are using windows XP (and sometimes even if you are), the only way to disable your onboard video is through BIOS. Also, as we all know, BIOS IS NOT STANDARDIZED! I would love to be able to just tell a customer how to disable their built in video, but guess what, I can not and should not. Sure I could poke around almost any BIOS and find the setting myself, but it would be Irresponsible to have a customer do the same. First of all they might change a bios setting other than what we are looking for, and cause system problem, and worse, THEY WOULD BLAME IT ON US! So when it comes to built in Video, I will Admit that I ALLWAYS punt back to the computer manufacturer or motherboard manufacturer. Same thing with Powersupplies. You but a $600 Dell computer, and guess what, it comes with a 160 Watt powersupply that is just barely large enough to run your system, and now you want to install a Radeon 9800XT? or an FX 5900? Ok, ill admit it, ill punt you to the nearest computer store to buy a decent powersupply. Now it really does aggravate me when other companies Punt back to us. I have had Dell, Sony, Compaq, all of them actually tell customer that "Onboard video cannot be disabled" (when most of the time it can be), or that "It already Is", and then just send it back to us. Or game companies to automatically say "you need a better graphics card", and then leave the customer to call us when they just spend $300 and nothing has changed.

Now our company poses some interesting challenged itself. As I mentioned, I work on several different Queues at the same time. Meaning one moment I might be supporting a Video card, and next on working on a whole system. Add to that the fact that depending on which Queue a call comes in on (and sometimes even depending on where the product was purchased even within the same Queue), there are different amounts of support I can give out. Not just warranty periods, sure I have to watch which calls are under a 30 day warrant, which are under a 1 year, a 10 year, or a 100 year. But what’s worse, there are some calls, such as the video cards, where my support is limited problems directly associated with the card, there are some calls where I support everything BUT software, and there are some calls where I support everything technical but cannot hold your hand and teach you how to use everything, and then there are those few calls where EVERYTHING is game I have to support EVERYTHING and teach the customer how to use it.

Now there are also ALLOT of things that make me furious when it comes to our company. First of all, we have several products with KNOWS defects in them, but we still keep them on the market, and we certainly don’t tell customers about them (thankfully, NONE of these are our current video cards, which are of sufficient quality that you might actually someday possibly catch me using one in my own computer at home). There is also the problem, that for an entire product line. NO ONE knows anything about them. NO ONE IN THE ENTIRE COMPANY! We Just sell them and hope no one calls (and if they do, we just have them send it in RMA it, and three months later send them a new one that works, but for unknown reasons). There is also a set of "legal" issues that are unique to our company, and as such I will not go into them, but suffice it to say that those cause the most trouble with customers.

Overall, After nearly suffering an complete breakdown and throwing myself into the nearest freeway screaming "SUPPORT THIS!", I have finally come to terms with my job. I do a sincere job helping those people I can. I know I cannot help Everyone, but I will certainly try my best with those I can. If not, I will be genuinely sincere (unless you decide to be a complete *******, then your on your own). I can almost say on occasion that I enjoy my job... And I don’t completely hate myself either!


Ok, and to thank you all for reading this rant of mine, here are some insiders tips to technical support (most of you already know them, or will never need them, but hey), also, these only really apply with Decent Tech Support centers (Semi-moral or Moral, so these wont help with Dell, or especially SONY!):

1. Never get angry at the Tech, it's really not going to help. Feel free to get angry, but realize that 90% of the time either the Tech Cannot, or Will not help you any further, and you cussing over the phone at him is certainly not going to change things. The tactic that seems to work best here is the "Double Sympathy" Technique. Basically with this, you speak with the Tech about how angry this makes you, but also stress that you realize its not the Technicians fault, and you sympathize with their limitations. If you have a good/moral Tech (like me, I hope), they will then actually TRY to help you, and also it builds a good relationship between customer and Tech (a good thing).

2. Asking for a Manager is not always a good thing. Most of the time, either you are never going to get a manager, or you are going to get a designated "Supervisor" who is basically someone who acts like a manager, but does not have any real power and will probably just tell you the same thing. If the Manager would actually be able to change things, and would also be willing to, then odds are your Tech Already knows this, and would speak with the Manager anyway.

3.Threats DONT work, EVER! I don’t care if you brother is the head of the BBB, its really not going to change things. I have had so many people threaten with the BBB, or the FTB, or to have the Attorney General stuck on us, or worse, to actually SUE us its not even funny. And most of the time these threats don’t have a leg to stand on, and everyone knows it. If you actually were to have a case, the company probably would have done something about it already, otherwise you are just making the Technician Angry.

4. Don't call from a Cell phone, PLEASE! Unless you only have one phone line, and your problem is with a modem, please don’t call from cell phones. I can understand most accents these days, but I still cannot understand most of what people say on cell phones. A Tech is more likely to end the call quickly if he has to shout to get you to hear him, or if all he can hear is static. The same applies to Speaker phones, they may be more of a convince to you, but they make life on the other side of the phone allot harder.

5. ALLWAYS GET NAMES, RMA/REFFERENCE NUMBERS, AND EXTENSIONS! I always start off my calls with my name, and if someone asks for my extension, I much as I would like not to, I will give it to them. This saves allot of time. It always helps to deal with the same Tech, unless they are a complete gimp. Plus, if something ever has to be done that is "Strange" or "Unusual", it always helps to be able to say "Lou said he was going to send it out anyway." That way they can go yell at Lou, and will still probably ship it out just because it was their mistake. Extensions and RMA/Reference numbers make things go faster.

6. Don't be afraid of being put on hold, at least not unless the last time you were put on hold you were disconnected. Some Techs will say they are going to put you on hold, and then disconnect you, but others are actually trying to help you by either gathering information, or asking around to see if anyone else has the answer.

7. Don't be offended if a Tech Asks you to try something and then call back, and least so long as you did not wait 20 min to speak with him. Sometimes there are solutions that just take time, and it is a REAL waste of a techs time just to sit there are you re-start your computer the mandatory 4 times in order to properly uninstall/reinstall the drivers. This is time he can use to help other customers, and most of the time when they are doing this, it is a simple enough problem that any of the technicians can help you, so you don’t need to worry about getting the same Tech every time you call.

8. Don't call in and ask for an RMA strait away. We HAVE to try to troubleshoot your problem first, and occasionally we discover that the problem did not call for an RMA anyway. Tell the technician that you think your product is bad, and then clearly describe the problem.

9. Have all your system Information ready, but don’t read it all as soon as the conversation starts. How many times have I banged my head against my computer as a customer reads off every serial number from every IC chip on his memory when all I need to know is if he is using windows XP or not? On the other hand, It is really impractical and impolite to ask a technician to sit there for 10 min while you open up your computer, look for a flashlight, and figure out that yes, indeed it is an AGP card.


Ok, that’s it for now... You have now heard from at least a somewhat decent tech support call representative.


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"Well, if I am not drunk, I am mad, but I trust I can behave like a gentleman in either
condition."... G. K. Chesterton

“questions are a burden to others; answers a prison for oneself”

Q: how many tech support personnell does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: i have a copy of the light bulb here at my desk and it works fine for me. are you familiar with the use of light bulb? okay, can you tell me which version of light bulb you are running - it should say either 60w or 100w on the top rounded surface of the the bulb itself. so, to check the version number you will need to remove the fixture if you have one. is the light bulb installed in a ceiling-mounted fixture light or is it for a desktop style lamp? okay?

right, it appears as if you have the correct version of light bulb. there are a number of possible reasons why you are experiencing this problem. first, however, i need you to explain the nature of the darkness. is the darkness intermittent? is it partial or total? are there other light bulbs in your work environment that are displaying the same problem? are there other problems aside from the darkness?

let's start with the simplest possible solution first. if you have a desklamp or other exposed-bulb installation, could you check to see if the appliance is plugged in. to do this, locate the black power cord at the bottom of the lamp or other installation and follow it to the end. you should find a plug connected to a socket on the wall approximately ten to fifteen centimeters above the floor.

if you are using a ceiling or other permanent installation we'll have to test the switch. first, locate the switch. it should be attached to the wall and be from 1.25 to 1.75 meters above the floor. switches are usually located adjacent to doorways. now, toggle the switch up and down. is the darkness persisting?

hm. is your installation battery operated? like a flashlight? is your installation on a timer or motion detector? is this a refrigerator light bulb? have you tried opening and closing the door? is the bulb florescent rather than incandescant? has it had time to warm up?

okay, it appears as if the bulb will need to be changed. i'm going to give you an incident number. someone from physical plant will be by within ten working days to change your light bulb. please give him your incident number.

bwahaha.. <3

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MadQuack on Military school: Pro's: I get to shoot a gun. Con's: Everything else.
"I'm going to beat you until the laws of physics are violated!!" ! Maeve's Warcry

RIP -MaDaVentor-. You will be missed.

Happydud! That is actually SPOT ON!

Now repeat that 50 times a day, and you can begin to enter OUR world...

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"Well, if I am not drunk, I am mad, but I trust I can behave like a gentleman in either
condition."... G. K. Chesterton

“questions are a burden to others; answers a prison for oneself”

I did not want to post the stuff here because it is copyrighted, and they made it on the website so you HAD to either registar or watch an advertisement (upon which they got money) to see the article. So I didn't want to get Massassi in trouble.

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I can't think of anything to put here right now.

Wow! They are really dumb sending out new parts everytime you complain. They must get scammed big time.

BTW, there is a link in the Slashdot thread to a very funny movie (29mb).
http://www.deadtroll.com/video/helldeskcable.html

Not really, the company that makes the computer is. The call center doesn't get scammed. So if you call Dell and get a company not related to Dell, not only do they make the $20 from Dell for helping you, but Dell also pays the $40 for a new hard drive.

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I can't think of anything to put here right now.

Sigh! Of course I meant the manufacturer.

Don't you hate when people rephrase what you've said in an attempt to make you look wrong. My dad does it all the time but only he thinks he's fooling people.

I know know feeling. My dad is the same way

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I'm not an actor. I just play one on TV.

Tech support guys have been very useful to me here at Finland.

But still, uncle who has been working with computers since the 80's really knows how to fix all my problems.

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<landfish> FastGamerr > Satan

UGG, I didn't mean to, I just didn't know which way you were saying it. If you had said "The manufacturer" then I wouldn't of said it.

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I can't think of anything to put here right now.

No worries then.