Why are there no jokes about atheists?

------------------
WOOSH.
-----@%

Why should there be any?

------------------
"Music is the universal language and the
dialect we speak in is Hip Hop!" - King Solomon

I love hippos and manatees.

------------------
WOOSH.
-----@%

You believe the world's 12 thousand years old? "That's right." Okay I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready? "Uh huh." Dinosaurs. You know the world's 12 thousand years old and dinosaurs existed, they existed in that time, you'd think it would have been mentioned in the f***ing Bible at some point. "And lo Jesus and the disciples walked to Nazareth. But the trail was blocked by a giant brontosaurus...with a splinter in his paw. And O the disciples did run a shriekin': 'What a big f***ing lizard, Lord!' But Jesus was unafraid and he took the splinter from the brontosaurus's paw and the big lizard became his friend.
- Bill Hicks

------------------
.

....

------------------
Cantina Cloud | BCF | The Massassian 1 & 2 | Gonkmeg
Corrupting the kiddies since '97

------------------
WOOSH.
-----@%

... because they wouldn't be funny?

------------------
When bread becomes toast, it can never go back to being bread again.

What's the biggest problem for an athiest?
No one talks to them during an orgasm.

An atheist is swimming in the ocean when he sees a massive great white shark loom up behind him. He tries to swim faster, but the shark easily catches up to him and opens its jaws to swallow him whole. The atheist, knowing he is about to die, panics and blurts out 'Oh God, save me!!'.

Suddenly, everything freezes as if someone pressed pause, and a voice booms out from a bright light hovering in the sky above the atheist. 'Why should I save you, my son? You do not beleive in me!'. 'I know', said the atheist, 'and I never will, but could you at least make the shark beleive in you? Then he might not eat me'.

'Ok', said God, as the bright light dissapeared and everything snapped back into motion. The shark's jaws continued to close around the atheist, then suddenly the shark stopped and swam backwards a little from the atheist.

The shark pressed his two front flippers together and said 'Lord, I thank you for this bounty I am about to recieve'.


See? Atheist jokes are lame

------------------
The Massassi-Map
There is no spoon.

I dunno the shark one was quite clever.

------------------
please *

Yeah, you're right. if I screamed "god save me"a nd he stopped time to talk to me, i wouldn't be an atheist anymore. ;D

------------------
WOOSH.
-----@%

I think it has more to do with the fact that in order to want to make fun of atheists you have to be religious, and there's something about that whole religion thing that says somewhere that you shouldn't make fun of somebody... Or something. It's like lowering your level.

------------------
-=I'm the wang of this here site, and it's HUGE! So just imagine how big I am.=-
1337Yectiwan
OSC Returns!!
10 of 14 -- 27 Lives On

...Except for the fact that I hear Roman Catholics making Protestant jokes on a regular basis?

Oh wait, Roman Catholics aren't religious.

Ever here about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a doG....

Okay okay its the only one I've ever heard! lame and even somewhat insulting to those who are dyslexic however I didn't say it !

------------------
"So there I was completely naked and covered in tartar sauce..."

I was totally going to post that joke. My physics teacher in high school told me that joke.

------------------
-=I'm the wang of this here site, and it's HUGE! So just imagine how big I am.=-
1337Yectiwan
OSC Returns!!
10 of 14 -- 27 Lives On

the reason there are so few atheist jokes is similar to the reason why there are so few religious jokes at all: they're not funny. Besides, how can you insult an atheist?
"YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN A GOD"
"So?"

An atheist walks into a bar.

"Ouch" (With possible "I don't believe it")

------------------
tristan is the best friend of the jedi

"I am the signature virus! Copy me into your signature so that I can take over the world! Moohahahee!"

The only borderline joke I know pokes fun at muslims, not athiests. And I wouldn't tell it, because it would likely start a board riot...




Right. And we all know that Protestants don't make jokes about catholics, and that each denomination doesn't have at least one joke about another one. /sarcasm

------------------
--------------------------------------
Fear is here, where's the beer?

There are plenty of religious jokes.

------------------
Or then not. --FastGamerr/Nikumubeki

Yeah, Priest and Rabbi jokes are more plentiful than teenage angst at a Linkin Park concert.

------------------
The Massassi-Map
There is no spoon.

[This message has been edited by Spork (edited March 10, 2004).]

What is the diffrence between hippee's and atheists?

------------------
All your my forums, belong to me.
Duel Roadkill

By which time, the atheist, using the pause, kicks the shark in the nose and it swims off. The end.

Or at least that's what I'd try and do in that circumstance.

------------------
The Earth is the cradle of the mind, but one cannot stay in the cradle forever.
-- Konstantin Tsiolkovsky, The Father of Rocketry

They both have something in commen



------------------
All your my forums, belong to me.
Duel Roadkill

BOOM 3

And more middle class and pretentious.

Note: I'm actually a Linkin Park fan...

------------------
tristan is the best friend of the jedi

"I am the signature virus! Copy me into your signature so that I can take over the world! Moohahahee!"

Generally the best [] jokes are the ones told by members of that group. Ie the most brilliant witty engineer jokes are told by engineers. Or protestant jokes told by protestants.

Whereas athiests their only real common denominator is the lack of god belief, which isn't particularly a unifying principle, and thus there isn't a strong enough cohesion to really jest about them as a group. That is my theory at least.

------------------
[Blue Mink Bifocals !] [fsck -Rf /world/usr/] [<!-- kalimonster -->] [Capite Terram]
"You'll have to face it, the endings are the same however you slice it. Don't be deluded by any other endings, they're all fake, with malicious intent to deceive, or just motivated by excessive optimism if not by downright sentimentality. The only authentic ending is the one provided here: John and Mary die. John and Mary die. John and Mary die." -Happy Endings [Margeret Atwood]
NPC.Interact::PressButton($'Submit');

There aren't any jokes about atheists, as it is hard to stereotype them as a whole. There is no "Cult of Atheism", and no religious doctrine, laws or mandates which they all follow.

------------------
GhostOfYoda - General doer of stuff.

Why are there no atheists in fox holes?

We were TK'ed for being different. Hated that map anyways.

------------------
"We came, we saw, we conquered, we...woke up!"

I only know one joke that applies to all religious sects, but pokes fun at catholics.

A guy dies and goes to heaven... an angel is giving him the tour, explaining that God actually loves all and allows them into heaven as long as they led a good life regardless of beliefs etc... although throughout the tour, this one man notices a huge wall running the entire length of heaven. The man asks the angel "whats with the wall?"

The angel replies "aah... its for the catholics, they think they're alone".

------------------
Drugs & Stupidity, Tons of it.

What do you call an dead atheist?

All dressed up and nowhere to go.

------------------
Superstition brings bad luck.
-Raymond Smullyan, 5000B.C.

Lol, I like that one Stat.

------------------
<<Awaiting something smart to say>>

I heard a variation of Spork's Shark in the ocean joke. It was the same thing except it was a bear in the forest, and the man had tripped on a rock and broken his legs.

------------------
I am Darth Slaw.
The Dark Lord of the Sith,
And part of the Nightfire mod team

A variation on the shark one:

An atheist is boating in Loch Ness. Suddenly, the Loch Ness monster surfaces, flicks its tail, and throws the guy into the air to eat. As the guy falls towards the monster's mouth, he calls out "Oh God, save me!". Suddenly, everything stops, and a voice comes booming from the heavens: "I thought you didn't believe in me!" - to which the atheist replies, "Cut me some slack, God, 20 seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either."

------------------
Death to all who oppose me!

I know tons of mormon jokes, but I'm rather dry on the athiest joke pool.

------------------
please *

Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a modified Church of Christ joke, isn't it?

------------------
"Why aren't I'm using at these pictures?" - Cloud, 4/14/02

Edit: Just read Michael's post..he's probably right.



Actually, that's completely contrary to offical Roman Catholic doctrine.

Just thought I'd let you know.

------------------
The Truth about Bowling for Columbine

[This message has been edited by CadetLee (edited March 10, 2004).]

Pff, I don't see why my post had to be deleted.

------------------
Ω of 14

Probably because it sucked or something. What post was it?

Without his post, mine looks retarded. Well, actually, it was before, too.

------------------
WOOSH.
-----@%

What did God say to the aetheist?

Nothing, 'cause he doesn't exist!

As a Church of Christ member myself, I can say that it definitely sounds like my congregation.

------------------
"Why aren't I'm using at these pictures?" - Cloud, 4/14/02

Spork, you ARE my hero.

------------------
When you expect the pain - nothing left to ascertain
When you respect the lie - Deadly chasm open wide
---Circle of Dust "Chasm"