...I know the 'rules,' I shouldn't even be posting this because it's a dumb thing to do and I've been here before, but hey, I dunno, maybe you can help...

Okay basically a while ago I started going out with a girl - we're over now, but at the time I'd met both her and a good friend of hers and both of them were interested in me. I know only now that I left her friend very much in the cold and feeling very jealous.

Not so long ago me and the other gal split up and this kind of brought me into more contact with her friend - I've totally lost contact with my ex now, it just hasn't worked out.

So her friend told me one night how she'd been feeling about me all the while and I don't know why I did it, I think it was because I still wasn't truly over my ex, but I turned her down on her offer of starting up a relationship.

A little while after she started kicking things off with my best mate, and now they're together. The thing is now she still says she loves me and feels so awful being in a relationship with my best mate, and yet I hear they're quite a success story. I feel rotten too for having said no.

I feel the same way about her, but I know that in doing so I am directly aiming at the destruction of my best mate's happiness, and you know that just isn't on. The thing is, she's making perhaps one hint too many that she's interested in me, and worse, she's been telling my ex all about it. I'm more worried about my ex telling my best mate than my ex thinking 'oh so he's off with someone else now.'

At the moment we haven't declared anything official but the feeling is there - I just couldn't let her two time with me behind my mate's back, the thing is I can't just let her cut away from my mate like that - he'd be devestated and he'd hate me no end for it, but the thing is I can't convince her to stay with him, and part of me doesn't want her to either. I know that the best and most grown up thing for me to do is tell her to stay with my mate and make it the end of it, but I know it's gonna be very slim that it happens that way.

You can see how tricky this is, I should be able to figure it out myself, and I've got some ideas... I dunno... I just wondered what you thought...

This is just my opinion, but if this girl is willing to go out with someone while she likes someone else more, what makes you think that she won't be doing the same thing if she leaves your friend and goes out with you? This may not matter to many people, but I would never go out with a girl unless she really seemed to like me more than anyone else, and admits as much. Not only that, but I would never go out with a girl who goes out with guys that she don't like as much as other guys. I may read in to things too much, but that's just my opinion. She just sounds like one of those girls that are looking for the next best thing, and whose to say that she won't find something better than both you and your friend? If you were a real friend, you'd tell her to stop flirting/hinting at you, and if she continues, you should tell your friend. Honesty is the best policy, and this is coming from someone who is dating one of his best friends ex-girlfriends.

I don't know how much sense that all made...feel free to disregard.

Kill one, make the other your slave.

She really sounds like someone you need to avoid, period. She's obviously dealing in a dishonest way with her feelings regarding your friend. I'd take a big step back from the whole thing.

Odd. That's similar to my own story.

Good luck. (I have no useful advice to give you, sorry.)

This is the best post you have ever/will ever made/make.

Under no circumstances should you start a relationship with this girl. You missed the one chance you had, so it's best for you to just move on. As has been said before, tell her to back off. If she persists, tell your friend about her actions towards you. He deserves to know.

This girl might just want attention, who knows how many guys shes told that she likes them but cant do anything about it. Ive met girls like that. They are just on a power trip. ON TOP OF THAT. Shes with your friend, friends come first period, would you really screw your friend over to get with his chick? no.

(This issue is personal with me so thats why Im serious, Ive seen it happen before and nothing but drama comes from it)

ps. Hit her with a cod covered in sea weed. West cost sea weed.

my thoughts exactly.

If she's willing to cheat on your mate with you, what makes you think she won't cheat on you eventually?

I'm with page and kieran on this one

you don't post nearly enough

I usually disagree with you on these things, but this time, you have said exactly what I was going to say.

Yay! Do I get a prize?

i think she shoud brake up with her current... wait 3 weeks, then date you. apartently, that is just me.

I've been in exactly this situation: Kieran and Page are most likely correct.
There's a small chance she's trying to make you jealous. But in doing so, she's hurting your friend. Do you want to be with someone so cold-hearted?

You get a catloaf.

I think you should have nothing to do with her. I think her dating your friend was just an attempt to make you jealous (which obviously makes you want her more because now it's semi-taboo). She sounds like a no good slut and I promise you your friend will still be there in the long-run while she'll probably be off chasing other guys.

And hey, if it doesnt end like everyone else has already predicted, just tell your friend she seduced you after you guys get found out. He should understand, and if not, work out more.

I like it when my input is appreciated, even when its badly spelled (Should be "west coAst" sea weed). Makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside like when someone eats a hampster

Whoah, DesertPike! I haven't seen you in ages! You do need to post more!

Yay!

Internet at home aint working to well, roommates computer sucks the monkey's ....well you know. And as for posting from work...talk to my boss about it and perhaps he'll let me have more postin time.

I've had a good read (taken me a while as the mate in question stayed with me for three days) and I've been having a good think about what you've said - I'm not going to do anything so sudden about it, not when my mate is as close as he is to me - I'll have to have a chat with the gal about it I'd say.

Right here it just seems like maybe u just werent that into her in the first place



You feel rotten for having said no to her because you are confused. If you didnt care for her like that before how come you suddenly do? Sounds like u are confused because she said you had feelings for you and you gave it thought



This just sounds odd. and like you could get yourself into a mess. if you are worried shed tell your ex and she's with your guy friend. right there warning flares should be going off in your mind



Ok my final thoughts are...DONT DO IT.

Seems like this girl liked you, you didnt give it a chance and now that you see her with someone else suddenly u feel "interested" and it's probably just because you cant have her now and it's intriguing to you.

It's bad on her part because she probably got with your friend because of a common personality or something that you both share that drew her to him. and it was probably in an attempt to get over you, which was apparently unsucessful, but was also not a smart move.

Everyone here has said it's best to back away from the situation. Dont do that to your best friend. If you are genuinely interested in her, tell her you cant proceed to have anything behind his back etc.

If things are meant to be they will be, but for now dont get intwined in all of that, it will just end up messy with lots of awkwardness and people hurt.

So in conclusion, talk to her, tell her you dont want anything behind his back. If it's meant to be then it'll be. If you really like her that much, then you both need to be honest to your best friend, dont sneak around. And Love Triangle = BAD NEWS. Save yourself the grief and DONT proceed to have anything in secret, trust me you'll feel better about not having hurt him later. Good luck!

Laura:cool:

You scared me for a moment because she's called Laura as well! However, I do see your point, and we've both agreed that yes, we do really like one another and want to be together and that we should tell my mate.

The thing is, you're right, she did go out with him to try and get over me - I feel bad about that alone and like you said, what if I suddenly become second to another guy within days? That's what my main worry is at the moment, whether or not she really loves me when she says she does...

well if you love her and she loves you, then only time will tell. Guess all you have left is to take that chance which is sometimes the scariest step to take. regardless whatever you do, dont sneak around behind your friends back it's not right and everyone is just going to end up hurt and you could lose a friendship, which at this pt. is more important, since you arent sure if her feelings are true or not, and which you wont know until you all show one another through actions and with time.

It comes down to wether or not you are willing to risk that knowing there could be hurt involved . and if she were to suddenly start liking another guy within days then it isnt real love and u'd be better off without. regardless, good luck. be honest and hope everything works out.

Laura:cool:

PS sorry about the scare :p

Forget about it, man. It's just a temptress. Let your friend have her and tell her to focus on him. That's her duty. They're going steady, for heaven's sake.

Yeah Imma just proceed to say be careful. Try and think as clearly as possible.

Are you willing to risk a friendship? Honesty is the best policy. Do what you feel is right. But friends are forever, so whatever u chose, do NOT sneak around. Ok done, again good luck, hope all comes out ok

Laura:cool:

I agree with him go carefully into this... friendships are important they shouldn't be given up lightly.

dunno who u were referring to, but if it was to my quote to gee_4ce, i'm a female:p (note the title under my name) hehe

Laura:cool:

*yeah yeah, you all know I had to do it:p *