Some of you may not know the back story to this, but allow me to quote an earlier more-stressed-out post of mine from another thread:

Her name is Megan. She's my younger sister's best friend. She used to live in Spokane (where I live) but now lives on the other side of the state. Over the summer she spent several weeks in Spokane, and we fell in love. I'd always kinda liked her before that, but didn't realize it until then. Anyway, things were stressed. My sister resented the fact that we liked each other. There's a major difference in our ages (she's 15 (almost 16) to my just over 20), and she lives about 400 miles away. I talked to my sister about it, and I decided (somewhat with her prodding) that the best thing would be for me to let it go for now. So I took Megan on a walk one Sunday afternoon that summer, and told her that I cared for her a lot, but the timing just wasn't right, and so we needed to back off from each other. She agreed, and a few days later, went home to Seattle. Since then, things have been really hard for us. She'd come into town every so often, and when she came, we would do our best to act like everything was normal between us, while not allowing ourselves to be closer than we'd decided. It's been super hard for me especially, simply because it's been super hard for her. She hates her life in Seattle and is planning on moving back here once she turns 18, but in the meantime she's got very few friends, doesn't fit in well at school, and doesn't want to, and misses both my sister and myself. Meanwhile I can see all this, but I'm helpless to do anything, because I have to keep my distance.

Anyway, this last weekend was the last straw. She came into town, and it was mostly cool. We're still mostly able to be ourselves around eachother, but occaisionally there's an awkward moment. One such moment occurred when a bunch of us went out to a movie. I drove Megan home, and it was just the two of us in the car. It's actually a bit comical. I turn on the radio and there's commercials playing, so I flip around, and come to a Jazz station, playing this incredibly romantic piece focusing around a little instrument a friend of mine likes to call the "sexaphone". Anyway, after a few awkward seconds I swith to another channel just in time for Dave Matthews to come on, "The space between the tears we cry, is the laugh that keeps us coming back for more." The stupid radio stations were trying to screw with me or something... Anyway we drove home in silence listening to the radio (occaisionally I glanced over at her and could tell she was near tears, and I know her well enough to trust my judgement on that) and she left the next morning back to Seattle.

Later, my friend and I were talking about it (I was depressed and couldn't eat and stuff), and he was just like, "You should send her an email. Tell her how you feel and just see where things go. At the very least you'll feel better about getting things off your chest."

So I did. I sent her out an email the other day. I also had a conversation with my sister, who told me she was sorry about freaking out in the first place, and she'd be ok with Megan and me being together. I wasn't about to get my hopes up because I want Megan to be happy, and I don't want her to feel tied down to a guy 400 miles away so she can't enjoy herself through high school. I proceeded cautiously, then struck when I felt right about it. Here's our email coorespondance:







RAWR. Anyway, thank's for letting me use Massassi as my personal blog. Please post comments, thoughts, advice, etc...
[added latest email]

Tough spot to be in and all you call really do is wait it out. That sucks.

If you're twenty-ish and she's 15, you could be heading into a danger area. You will be legally fine as long as you don't get in bed with her, but it seems very odd for a 20 year old to be dating a high school sophmore. 15 approaching 16 is still 15. If you werestill in HS, I'd say go for it, but since you're in college, it looks a little strange. The ideal age range for you at this point is 18-20. Chicks in this range are legal age, and they tend to be more mature and experienced.

I remember from my HS experience that chicks in the >18 age group are flaky as hell, to the point that I used to refer to them as "Biscuit chicks." Basically, they are immature, not sure of where they are going yet, and are just plain angsty and unpredictable. Not the best you could get at this point in your life by any means. You should be only interested in the best that is available; nothing else is really worth going after.

You also confessed your feelings for her, which is a big no-no as far as I'm concerned. Nothing good really ever comes of it.

Personally, I would let this one go, for the huge age difference alone. This, and coupled with the facts that you confessed your feelings (basically, you put the ball in her court on a silver platter, and now she has the power to decide where it goes.) and the whole distance thing. Long distance relationships seldom work out, b/c you need physical contact in some form to keep the whole thing going.

I usually don't read these threads, much less reply to them, but I've *known* Jon (as much as one can over the internet, anyway) for a while, and realize he's quite hoenst and serious.

Page, I know Jon well enough to safely say he doesn't have to worry about that.

My advice is this: let her go for now. While I trust you won't do anything with her, 5 years is quite a large age difference. Granted when you're older, it's not much, but at this stage in life, people mature very much in a short amount of time. Perhaps in the future, when your maturity levels are similair the situation will be easier to deal with (location is still an issue, but that may too change). Your last communication with her showed you understand this; just stick with it. Simply let things be for the time being; talk to her via email, and when she visits, hang out, do things together (again, watch the age difference, church people do tend to get snoopy), and remain in the "friends" state. There's plenty of time for the next stage later on in life. She's only going to be in high school for a while, and really should be able to enjoy it as a teen, not endure it as an adult. Have you spoken to your father about this? It will be awkward, but from what you've told me about him, he seems like a very good, wise fellow.

[also, come visit us in #Massassi some time]

I agree with Page. Even when she is 18, you'll be around 22-23. That's still a hell of a difference. I think you both need to get over yourselves and just realize that there's no such thing as The One, but there are The Ones. Maybe if she were already 18 and you were 21-ish it wouldnt be so bad, but from what I've seen of my friends who have been dating The Ones (both guys and girls, both sides of the ages) it never works out. There is a significant maturity gap at 18 to 22. Think about it, you'll be able to drink, she'll just now be able to drive after midnight. You'll be finishing college, she'll be entering college. You're not really living in reality.

It does seem a little crazy with the age difference and the distance, but the fact is, nobody can just turn off their feelings. I do think that communicating via email is quite smart though, talking face to face or even over the phone, it's easy to get caught up in infatuation and forget about the bigger issues. It sounds like you're doing all you can do really. You're both aware of how eachother feels, but there's no pressure to do anything more. As everyone else (and you) have said, the distance makes starting a relationship impossible, if you'd already been together a few years, it would be different, but you can't base a relationship on one summer. She is still very young, and she needs to do her highschool thing, find out who she is and even whether she will want to come back home after HS. But if you're both just waiting for the years to pass until you can be together, you're taking the risk of missing out yourselves. If you're ok with her having a bf at school, you need to be ok with the idea of you finding someone else.

Telling her how you feel is understandable, it's so hard to sit on these feelings, but from what you've said, it seems like you know that nothing can happen now. You want what's best for her, and I think you know that a relationship with a guy 5 years older than her and 400 miles away is not what's best for her. She obviously really cares about you, but you've got to remember that you're the adult here, and you may have to make the tough decisions when she can't.

God it feels horrible saying stuff like that.

That is the most important part. Be sure that you're really accepting that fact, and not just supressing it as people often do.

Back in college, I was dating a girl (we had been together before I got to college) significantly younger than me (4 years). As she went on in high-school, the difference in maturity levels between her and I got to be unbearable. She wasn't the same level-headed person I was going out with the year before. Major suckage.

Sucks to be in your shoes, I know I wouldn't want to be. She may be your "ideal girl" right now, but when she hits 16-17 and starts partying and all that other fun high-school stuff, she's going to change big time, and her priorities in life won't be the same at all. Remember what it was like for you back in high school.

Yeah... I want the ball in her court, because it's her decision. Personally, I don't have any problem with waiting the two years for her to finish school and move back here (and she'll most definately be moving back, there's no question about that), but I don't want her to miss out. Page, your problem is that you see love as being something that's designed to make you feel good. Well I believe that love looks after the best interestes of others. That's why I'm "putting the ball in her court" so to speak.

Not really... at least not at my church. Most of the people there would be ok with it, because they know both of us.

I disagree. I believe that God has a plan for my life, and His plan may involve her. We'll see, I guess. Anyway, there isnt' really any other girls my own age that I'm interested in. They're all either tramps that party all the time and sleep around or they're so absorbed in their work and or school, that they aren't looking anyway.

Maeve, yeah, you're mostly right along with what I'm thinking. But, for the record, the relationship isn't based on one summer. I've known her for about 5 or 6 years, actually. Of course back then we had other things on our minds, sure... But it's not like I don't know her well or anything. I'm ok with her having a boyfriend in high school, and I'd consider having another girlfriend myself, if I could think of a single other girl I'd be interested in, but quite honestly, there isn't anyone else.

I may... As you know, I want what's best for her, so I'm going to keep talking with her, and we'll see where things go. I'm not going to let anything happen, unless I'm sure that it's how it's supposed to be.

Not going to be an issue with Megan. I can garuntee it. She's the most mature woman I know under 30.

i really don't think Sarn cares about that. Sure, marturity is nice, but the other two are superficial crap.



Unfortunatly, this is true, but only for the most part. certaintly not all. those who are, however... wow. I was in a relationship with one who could make a good run at queen *****. however, this is certaintly not true of all of them.



I think Sarn thinks this is the best there is. Don;t go around assuming you know how good this girl is.



Hmm.. so he should just keep it bottled up inside of himself instead of telling this girl who obviously has feelings toward him how he's feeling? yeah, right.



Whether this is true or not, IT IS NEVER A REASON NOT TO TRY. If it was a summer fling sort of thing, i would agree with you, but its not. also, it's not stricly long-distance, he stated that he gets to see her every so often.



That's not necessary true. I know that my priorities have been strengthened by high school, because i see all the jerks and idiots around me and tell myself never to be like them. however, i'm not exactly the norm.



I saw that in the other thread, and had to say beautiful doesn't do her justice, man.

that would work in a perfect world, but we don't exactly live in a perfect world. My methodology involves setting up and following a plan so you don't get burned and things progress smoothly. It's a formula.



No, oyu should let your actions do the talking. keep her guessing about where she stands with you. This challenge element is like introducing raw meat juice to a shark tank-- it drives them wild and they always want more. She will drive her interest in you through the roof and keep it there. I've done it and it definitely works.

Page, the difference is you're not looking at falling in love and having a relationship... You seem to only be interested in finding someone to shag and drop. And I can assure you that's not how I operate. I've only had a few relationships in my life and the ones that I've had have meant so much to me. If they're damaged or destroyed it takes me a long time to get over them. In this case, I know there's a possibility of things not working out, and I know I'll get hurt if things done, but quite frankly I'm willing to take that risk, and if it all crashes down, I'll deal with that when I come to it.

In short, I'm not looking for a good time. I'm looking for a long term connection.

PageWizard is like the ultimate Han Solo or something...

But you know what that works in movies... I hope you enjoy your hand bud cause you and him are gonna have a nice strong relationship together... then you can cut him off and drop him if you'ed like.

Out of curiosity, MechWarrior, were you adressing that comment at him or me? :p

That's why you fail. You shouldn't try to jump into a long term relationship right away. You ease your way into it gradually. Don't think of a relationship in the very beginning, just see where it goes. You also develop attatchment way too early. Feelings of attactchemt do you no good early on, b/c it clouds your judgement.

I once thought the way you did back before I was turned.



Oh, and mech, this does work in real life. Don't knock something until you try it.



The whole damn point of the relationship or anything else is to have a good time. Otherwise, why even bother with it
at all if you are not getting any enjoyment out of it? It's not supposed to be a chore.

Ok, imagine I put "good time" in parenthesis. Trust me I have a good time around her. Just not a "Good Time" if you know what I mean, but that's not what I'm looking for.

Just my daily PageWizard bash.

I don't "fall in love." That doesn't mean that I'm looking for a bunch of one nighters, either. I would go for a short term relationship before i even think about a long-term one.


long term relationships are not built on love per se, it's more like teamwork and partnership to achieve a common goal. If you speak to an old married couple about such bull**** as "true love" or "soulmates" they will probably laugh their a**es off at you.

then you haven't know the old couples that I've known. and I'm sad for you.

anything to get out of admitting that i'm right, eh? :p

anyway, latest installment! (ie, I emailed her back. )

Check my first post.

I completely agree with you, I shouldn't have generalised as much from my own personal experience.



That is some damn fine advice. It's also the best way to make sure your relationship is fun.

He's not saying to walk into a relationship thinking it'll only last the night or weekend. Just don't let your mind wander too far ahead until everything between you two is settled and you guys are uber-confortable with each other. Enjoy the moment.

anything to get out of admitting that you're wrong, eh?

[edit] and jsut read the last e-mail. I think you're going about things the right way, and i don't think even pagewizard would have a problem with that, except maybe the 'god's plan' bit.

Some, but by far not all. I remember my grandparents were still visibly heed over heels in love right up to the day my grandfather died. Keeping the spark alive isn't impossible, but it does require effort.

That reminds me of my grandparents, as well. Before my grandfather came down with alzhiemers, they were jsut about the most loving couple i knew, and they were so happy togther. please do not make generalizations about stuff like that, page, on average you're going to turn out wrong.

Wow... She's a lucky girl...;)

Congrats, you're going about the whole "situation" in a very levelheaded manner. Time is the biggest test now.

I agree 100%.

Sarn, you're still young and IMO 20 is not time for "love." You will meet other women.

Hey, there's been lots of people who have got married at 20 years old (or younger), and had good lasting relationships and etc. Heck, in ancient times 14 was considered prime marrying age for a girl. Of course, mind you, that was back in the day of arranged marriages and the like, but it's not like man and wife didn't love each other because the marriage was an arranged one. Juliet from "Romeo and Juliet" was only 14 or so, if I recall correctly.

It varies from person to person. Some people really are ready to handle a mature adult relationship at a younger age.

As for this situation in particular -- I think Sarn's on the right track. There should be more people who think that way.

Seattles Isn't all that bad.

Oh, and goodluck.

Also, Olympic peninsulas better then Seattle.