How do you get ten babies in a jar?

Use a blender.

How do you get them back out of the jar?

Doritos.

Those are awful, besides, everyone knows you can only fit 8 babies in a jar.

I'm stealing this from lestat


You're a siamese twin.
Your Brother is Gay, you are not
He has a date coming round tonight
You have only one butthole.

I'm stealing this from SAJN (where is he btw?)


Two old ladies sitting on a park bench
A pervert goes up to them and flashes his wang at them!
One of the old ladies has a stroke...
But the other old lady cant quite reach...

baduuum shh!

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

My ex-girlfriend is shacked up with her cousin, and she cheated on me with my best friend.

No really.

Whats brown and knocks on windows?

A baby in a microwave.

edit for martyn: slags can be a *******

No, no, no, no, no!

That's pink and taps on glass. Brown's when you take it out.

What goes 'aaaah'?

A sheep with no lips.

what has one ball and ****s women?

the yorkshire rippers hammer.

How come I got a ban warning when I posted dead baby jokes?

just give it a while... maybe the admins havent seen it yet.

whats the difference between babies and sand?

i dont have a pile of dead sand in my garage.

Ugh... Those baby jokes are a low in the history of jokes. If I could, I would wipe those types of jokes off the Earth.

dead baby jokes are even funnier than atrocity jokes.

(i'll remove that part because someone will make a comment thats even more smart assed than my own.)

Bans for dead baby jokes is the stupidest thing I've heard someone getting banned for. They are no different than racist jokes or something of that type, get a sense of humor.

....but a baby can be of any race.

I have a sense of humor, and those aren't even funny. They're just horrid. If you find dead baby jokes funny you're a very... very disturbed individual.

Even if you don't find them funny it isnt like the person has actually done something to a baby, its just a joke.

I think I would get banned for just about any joke I have heard in the past 3 months. Dead baby jokes are huge here... but I do have one joke that's simply racial.

I walked up to my parents and said "mom... dad... I have a plan. I was thinking the other day, and I realized that no one cares about the Jews. So later in life, I'm going to get rich, and use my money to kill all of the Jews and one clown."

They looked at me and said "why the clown."

I said "see what I mean? Nobody cares about the jews!"


If the admins think this is a little too outrageous, just keep in mind, I dont actually think this way, I just found this joke funny... So edit the post if you think it's too far, don't ban me.

[EDIT]never mind[/EDIT]

*points at SAJN*

You didn't have to point him out.

Dead Puppies

Only because we seem to be obsessed with dead things...

The only of those baby jokes I "laughed" at was the "brown and knocks on windows", and it was more of a chuckle.

If I can find a joke worth posting I will do so later.

£300

(although somehow i'd feel less guilty killing a person, i guess i find puppies cuter.)

How are an elephant and a plum alike?





They are both purple.

Except for the elephant.

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?








Trick question! No one in Africa can afford fences.

those jokes are awesome

Ugh...dead baby jokes...

Ok, I got this one from Grapes of Wraith:

A boy walks into school late and the teacher asks him why he's so late. The boy replies "We had to bring our heffier(sp?) in from pasture to breed it with our neighbor's bull." The teacher asks "Couldn't your father have done that?" and the boy replies "Sure he could, but not as good as the bull."

OMG DEAD BABY JOKES!!!!

DJ YOSHI! JEDIKIRBY! GET IN HERE AND START FLAMMING!!!

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming...

They don't know I'm only using blanks.


/shamelessly stolen

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

It was dead.


Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?

It was attached to the first.


Why did the boy fall of his bike?

Cause someone threw a refridgerator at him.

win

yeah that's pretty much the funniest one here.

Golden.

Two muffins are sitting in the over. The first one says, "Boy, it's really hot in here."

The second muffin replies, "Holy Cow! A talking muffin!"

I like dead baby jokes. Lighten up.

If you want some intentially bad jokes, be sure to check out this week's pvponline.com strips. The one by Jade I like the most.

I've heard it continued...

Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?

Peer Pressure.


Why did the Jeff Walters die?

He was hit in the head by three falling koalas.

So a mexican baby, a black baby, an asian baby, and a white baby are all next to a moving blade. Which one lives?

The asian, he builds a way over with legos.

If that's too offensive, I'll get rid of it.

More...
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
Because Popeye's took all the dead chickens.

...

I feel stupider now for saying those.

Why can't Fred drive a tractor?

Because Fred's an orange.


Why did the girl fall off the swing?

She had no arms

/Oldie but a goodie

Why did the derivative of a polynomial equal a quadratic? BECAUSE I'M FAILING CALCULUS! HAHAHA

The dead baby jokes are the funniest jokes on this thread.

Really, the anti-witty style 'why was joe looking orange today?' BECAUSE JOE HAS NO ARMS' jokes are funny if you hear one. possibly two. but with a whole thread full of them, the 'craziness factor' rapidly diminishes.

Ok, so this is usually told, so I don't know how well it'll translate to text, but here goes.

A bloke's doing a parachute jump for the first time, and is taking last minute lessons off his instructor before getting aboard.

[Bob]So what do I do first?

[Instructor]Pull the red chord.

[Bob]And if that doesn't work?

[Instructor]Pull the blue one - that's your backup chute.

[Bob]And if that fails too?

[Instructor](Exasperated) The pray to Allah.

[Bob]But I'm Catholic!!

[Instructor]Who's the instructor here? I tell you Allah, you damn well pray to Allah.

[Bob]Ok ok...

So later that dad, Bob's all suited and booted, and flying high above the clouds, and it's nearly showtime.

[Bob](To himself) Red, blue, Allah, red, blue, Allah...

Bob is thrown from the plane and is hurtling toward terra firma.

Bob first pulls the red chord, sees his chute go flying away into the distance. He doesn't panic, pulls the blue backup chord, and nothing happens.

Bob now starts to fear for his life, and prays to Allah as hard as can manage whilst approaching terminal velocity. All of a sudden, from out of nowhere a giant black hand comes soaring towards Bob, catches him skillfully, places him gently down in a field, pats him lovingly on the head, and dissapears as fast as it arrived.

[Bob]Thank God

Big Black foot - SPLAT.

(I would usually smack a nearby table for the effect of Splattage... just so you know.)