Top Ten Nerdy Costumes for the Lord of the Rings Premiere.
(Using materials you have- but probably shouldn’t have- lying around the house.)
So… you’re going to the Lord of the Rings Midnight Premier? You can’t go in THAT! You must realize, that Lord of the Rings are strictly Black Gate Affairs, and only the most Tolkienesque dress will do. You can’t find this kind of stuff in some shoddy store like 'American Eagle" or "Abercrombie and Fitch"
10. Balrog
Materials: Lots of lighter fluid, match. Asbestos suit optional
9. Peter Jackson
Materials: A long scraggly wig. Dump a large quantity of chicken grease on it. Leave the actual chunks of chicken. You’ll also need Pillow Stuffing. Lots and lots of Pillow Stuffing.
8: Orc Extra #4256 (Who gets killed by Elf Arrow #5769)
Materials: To achieve the effect of the ever-popular Orc Extra #4256, get an acetylene torch. Now, place it on your face. Repeat. Feel free to be creative! The Torch method should get you into the Orc Attitude as well.
7: The LOTR:ROTK Advance Midnight Tickets That You Currently Have in the Hands of a Graven Idol At Home.
Materials: Cardboard. Magic Marker. Steamroller to achieve that “2D” effect.
6: Gollum/Smeagol/Ghandi
Materials: This is quite an intensive costume. First you must find just the right loincloth, preferably one with a Certificate of Authenticity. Then you must starve yourself for several weeks, and shave your head, and practice talking to yourself in front of a mirror (If you are a Debater or a Cross Country runner you can skip some of those steps). Hey, these steps may be tough, but Ghandi did it just to protest some silly imperialist government. It’s the least you can do with the final movie coming out.
5. Dead-Boromir.
Materials: A whole bunch of those gag arrows that Steve Martin wears on his head. Find an authentic handcrafted Horn of Gondor™. Place it on hard, flat surface. Find an Axe. Apply liberally. Note, to keep this costume authentic, you must lay rigid, with eyes closed peacefully, for the entirety of the movie.
4. The Lidless Eye of Sauron.
Materials: See Entry 10, but use more lighter fluid.
3. Supervising Art Director Dan Hennah
Materials: Come on! You know, the kinda stuff that Supervising Art Director Dan Hennah always wears!
2. Mount Doom.
Materials: You could either use real Lava, or be a wuss and use just scalding hot molasses with red food coloring.
And the final Nerdy Costume for the Lord of the Rings Premier…
1. Extremist Lord of the Rings Fan
Materials: Sleeping Bag, Tent, food supply of Lord of the Rings™ Fruit Snacks. Elvish written on forehead. Be sure to yell things at the screen like “Hey! That conjunction wasn’t in the book!” and “What! Elves can’t surf on shields in REAL life!”
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"Your entire base belongs to us."
"It would be highly appreciated if someone would set the bomb up for us"
[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited December 15, 2003).]
"Your entire base belongs to us."
"It would be highly appreciated if someone would set the bomb up for us"
"Launch all of our ships, christened 'Zigs', to insure that justice will be achieved swiftly and powerfully."
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"You Would Have Been BALEETED..."
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It was amazing. Unbelievable. I don't hesitate to say it's the best movie I have ever seen. ![[http://forums.massassi.net/html/frown.gif]](http://forums.massassi.net/html/frown.gif "http://forums.massassi.net/html/frown.gif")