Dear Massassi Diary,
School let out early for me Friday afternoon, and I worked on the dedication to my school's yearbook that's been toying with me for months (can you say perfectionist?), in the supersweet exec yearbook office, but a kid from the basketball team came in and sat next to me and looked over my shoulder. Now I usually can't get any work done when people watch me, but it doesn't help when they have a huge ice sack over their crotchular region.
So I abandoned my literary enemy, and later that night drove out to a dance at a girl's school. It had been pushed back to that night, but somehow I was the only one who didn't know this a week before when I showed up to an empty parking lot. At least the janitor knew how to mambo.
The security was intense, but some father let me in through without the photo ID I had forgotten at home without any problem. As soon as I entered, I was greeted by the only girl I knew at the school (I came with the intent to meet a lot of new people), and she arranged for me to get in free.
The dance floor, however, was a sorry sight. The girls all looked like middle schoolers (and this isn't because I'm tall), and packs of guys roamed about restlessly. I found 'the cool senior kids' from my school, but they said things looked grim. As the night progressed, they kept to themselves, and every girl they asked to dance turned even the studliest of them down.
Meanwhile, I was hanging out with the juniors and paraded past my classmates with lipstick prints all over (it was a Valentine's dance, what can I say?). Then, while they were still roaming around, I went into the cafeteria and sat down with some girls and made conversation.
I ended up having an amazing night and left with three phone numbers and two screen names, while everyone else left as soon as they were allowed and said they had horrible times. I met quite a few ladies, and one particularly followed me around and asked me to be her valentine. We danced at the end, and it seemed like a prime makeout moment, but I didn't know her, and I haven't kissed anyone yet.
The next morning, I went out for an alumni interview with Carnegie Mellon University. That went very well, but due to time constraints, I showed up at musical practice right afterwards sporting a borwn suit and tartan tie. Nothing wrong with looking snappy, I suppose.
Everything that had happened up to this point combined later that night, however, at the battle of the bands. We arrived a little late, and when my two friends and I approached the door, I suddenly discovered that thanks to my still not having photo ID handy, the two off duty cops and one maniacal mother would not let me in.
I asked why they had to check for IDs, and they said it was to prevent anyone over 21 from entering. I'm the third youngest kid in my grade. It didn't help, though, that I was wearing a suit and overcoat and was taller than my two friends and one of the cops.
So we were at an impasse. My one friend refused to go to the concert and just leave me hanging there, and the other one kept quiet. Luckily, an Irish band was performing in the school next door, so we got seats there. It turned out that one of the ushers there was a girl I had expressed interest in a year ago.
The band was actually pretty good, but I think the friend who had kept quiet at the original concert was a little miffed now that he not only had crappy seats for some other show, but also had to sit next to me as I held hands with and had my arm around this girl. The entire process of doing this was very slow, because I was inexplicably paralyzed. I didn't care about her, why should I be afraid? So I thought to myself, on the next song, I am going to pull her over and kiss. As soon as the current song ended, the lights went on and the show was over.
When we pulled back into my school's parking lot, the more supportive of my friends told me to call this girl, but the other said calling the same night would seem desperate. The first asked why we hadn't kissed, and I told him that I'd never done it and had no intention of starting just now. I didn't really have any feelings about her, and if they pressed the issue, I would shoot her down just to spite them. I then told them a story...
...last summer, I met up with a girl I had gone out with the summer before, but had moved back a thousand miles away. When the distance stifled the love, we still remained friends, and she drove 300 miles to see me that summer while I was at a camp. Just as I was loosing the passions I had stilled for a whole year, she told me that she had a boyfriend back home. When a counselor saw us together and insinuated that I was in danger of being kicked out for cavorting with a stranger, I walked away, and as soon as I was out of sight, I ran and ran for a good mile or so.
This is the girl, I always felt I was meant for. The girl I was saving my first kiss for. My destiny.
I just realized tonight, on this lonely, rainy Valentine's night, that some things just aren't worth waiting for. Even today I am still running. Her image in my mind, though repressed, has shattered my confidence and turned me into a bitter, aloof, and uptight loner. Some things just aren't worth waiting for. I have to let go, otherwise this will haunt me for the rest of my days.
I told all this to a good friend of mine, and he said:
you want to forget, which is your problem
we dont forget love, no matter how hard we try
the best we can do is focus on the positive, think of what you learned from the relationship and not what was taken from you
"And if the feelings for her rekindle again?"
i dont think they'll rekindle
look around you, you're surrounded by people who love you and an assortment of young women who would enjoy your company
you have all the room to move on
but you dont want to, you hafta want this, otherwise its not going to happen
Maybe he's right. Maybe I can move on. Maybe I should ask a girl to go out with me for the first time in two years.
What's your take?
School let out early for me Friday afternoon, and I worked on the dedication to my school's yearbook that's been toying with me for months (can you say perfectionist?), in the supersweet exec yearbook office, but a kid from the basketball team came in and sat next to me and looked over my shoulder. Now I usually can't get any work done when people watch me, but it doesn't help when they have a huge ice sack over their crotchular region.
So I abandoned my literary enemy, and later that night drove out to a dance at a girl's school. It had been pushed back to that night, but somehow I was the only one who didn't know this a week before when I showed up to an empty parking lot. At least the janitor knew how to mambo.
The security was intense, but some father let me in through without the photo ID I had forgotten at home without any problem. As soon as I entered, I was greeted by the only girl I knew at the school (I came with the intent to meet a lot of new people), and she arranged for me to get in free.
The dance floor, however, was a sorry sight. The girls all looked like middle schoolers (and this isn't because I'm tall), and packs of guys roamed about restlessly. I found 'the cool senior kids' from my school, but they said things looked grim. As the night progressed, they kept to themselves, and every girl they asked to dance turned even the studliest of them down.
Meanwhile, I was hanging out with the juniors and paraded past my classmates with lipstick prints all over (it was a Valentine's dance, what can I say?). Then, while they were still roaming around, I went into the cafeteria and sat down with some girls and made conversation.
I ended up having an amazing night and left with three phone numbers and two screen names, while everyone else left as soon as they were allowed and said they had horrible times. I met quite a few ladies, and one particularly followed me around and asked me to be her valentine. We danced at the end, and it seemed like a prime makeout moment, but I didn't know her, and I haven't kissed anyone yet.
The next morning, I went out for an alumni interview with Carnegie Mellon University. That went very well, but due to time constraints, I showed up at musical practice right afterwards sporting a borwn suit and tartan tie. Nothing wrong with looking snappy, I suppose.
Everything that had happened up to this point combined later that night, however, at the battle of the bands. We arrived a little late, and when my two friends and I approached the door, I suddenly discovered that thanks to my still not having photo ID handy, the two off duty cops and one maniacal mother would not let me in.
I asked why they had to check for IDs, and they said it was to prevent anyone over 21 from entering. I'm the third youngest kid in my grade. It didn't help, though, that I was wearing a suit and overcoat and was taller than my two friends and one of the cops.
So we were at an impasse. My one friend refused to go to the concert and just leave me hanging there, and the other one kept quiet. Luckily, an Irish band was performing in the school next door, so we got seats there. It turned out that one of the ushers there was a girl I had expressed interest in a year ago.
The band was actually pretty good, but I think the friend who had kept quiet at the original concert was a little miffed now that he not only had crappy seats for some other show, but also had to sit next to me as I held hands with and had my arm around this girl. The entire process of doing this was very slow, because I was inexplicably paralyzed. I didn't care about her, why should I be afraid? So I thought to myself, on the next song, I am going to pull her over and kiss. As soon as the current song ended, the lights went on and the show was over.
When we pulled back into my school's parking lot, the more supportive of my friends told me to call this girl, but the other said calling the same night would seem desperate. The first asked why we hadn't kissed, and I told him that I'd never done it and had no intention of starting just now. I didn't really have any feelings about her, and if they pressed the issue, I would shoot her down just to spite them. I then told them a story...
...last summer, I met up with a girl I had gone out with the summer before, but had moved back a thousand miles away. When the distance stifled the love, we still remained friends, and she drove 300 miles to see me that summer while I was at a camp. Just as I was loosing the passions I had stilled for a whole year, she told me that she had a boyfriend back home. When a counselor saw us together and insinuated that I was in danger of being kicked out for cavorting with a stranger, I walked away, and as soon as I was out of sight, I ran and ran for a good mile or so.
This is the girl, I always felt I was meant for. The girl I was saving my first kiss for. My destiny.
I just realized tonight, on this lonely, rainy Valentine's night, that some things just aren't worth waiting for. Even today I am still running. Her image in my mind, though repressed, has shattered my confidence and turned me into a bitter, aloof, and uptight loner. Some things just aren't worth waiting for. I have to let go, otherwise this will haunt me for the rest of my days.
I told all this to a good friend of mine, and he said:
you want to forget, which is your problem
we dont forget love, no matter how hard we try
the best we can do is focus on the positive, think of what you learned from the relationship and not what was taken from you
"And if the feelings for her rekindle again?"
i dont think they'll rekindle
look around you, you're surrounded by people who love you and an assortment of young women who would enjoy your company
you have all the room to move on
but you dont want to, you hafta want this, otherwise its not going to happen
Maybe he's right. Maybe I can move on. Maybe I should ask a girl to go out with me for the first time in two years.
What's your take?
