Warning: pointless post - stream of consciousness. There's no punch line

3 weeks ago

It's mid February. Exams have just ended (which I all passed thank God) and naturally everybody needs to let go of some tension. We're students, and the standard way for students to blow off steam is with alcohol - the more the better.

So me and some buddies scavenge the crowded streets, in search of unconsciousness. I'm pretty far out already, cause I can't locate sounds as well as I used to and I think everyone is hilarious. I'm so far out that I decide to do something more chill, so I call up my girlfriend and agree to meet up with her at her student appartment.

I like this girl a lot. It has been going since 2 months, and if you know me, you know that's a record attempt or something. I'm awful at managing relationships. When I call her up, it has been weeks since I last saw her. Ummm... I had to study or something.

Anyway. I arrive at her flat, but still there's some tension left in me, and a good alternative for students to let go of it, besides alcohol, is something more primal. So now two fundamentally opposing forces start pulling on me: the desire to go caveman on her, conflicting with the massive amounts of alcohol consumed.

Thing is, I live in Belgium, country not only of pedophilia and fascism, but also of hardcore beer. Mmmmmm... best beer in the world. Also the 'heaviest' beer.

So out of those 2 conflicting forces, the 'beer' force wins, meaning that, physiologically, I can't engage in the act the 'primal' force wants me to. I'm pretty desperate - this has never happened to me before. You expect your own body to respond to the needs of your environment at will, and it always has in the past, but now it's failing me. I'm in total panic. I even send a text message to a friend asking him what to do, but his advice is really strange and I think he's secretly making fun of me. I'm hurt in my masculinity and still freaking out.

Now, this girl is looking really disappointed. And that's cool and the gang for me, and it's only natural for her to be disappointed. But she's not helping me, or reassuring me either. She just sits there and looks at me, and I feel pretty ****ing stupid. I run out, and go back to my flat (this is around 9AM).

I spend a few days thinking about this. I'm pretty put off by her reaction - or lack thereof - and I want to break up with her.

Breaking up has shown to be torture for me in the past though. I remember this girl a long time ago who I was seeing. I ring the doorbell of her house, and her parents open. They know who I am, and they are very friendly to me and we have a good, lighthearted conversation. I ask them if I can see my girl, so they call her from upstairs, and she sees that I'm getting along with her parents and all, and she's delighted and all smiles because of this. I love happy girls.

But I remember my mission. Her parents leave to the kitchen so I have this girl alone with me. I tell her I'm gonna have to break up with you (yes, I'm good with words like that). So of course she does this girl act, going entirely silent and just looking at me, with tears coming up in her eyes. I'm sure you guys have all seen it. She manages to utter whyyyy? then breaks up crying. Her parents hear this, and come into the room.

They obviously figure out what's going on. They both do a lite version of this girl act, and just look at me, totally silent. It's ****ing torture. I look around at their furniture a bit, say bye, and leave the house. I feel uncomfortable talking about it. Imagine a basketball player missing the decisive shot getting all these disappointed, hateful looks by his fans.

In short, I don't have a good history of breaking up. I'd do anything to avoid it. But I still want to break up with this new girl because she made me feel uncomfortable because of my failing reproductive organ. I decide to try something new, and send her a text message delivering the message that I'm breaking up with her.

In retrospect, this probably wasn't a good idea. You see, my cellphone is broken and doesn't work all the time. Only 50% of the messages I send actually arrive where they have to arrive. Immediately after I send the message I realize how stupid I was to send an important text message like that over my phone, and I have no clue if it actually arrived or not. So I'm in mental torture again.

I decide to assume that it arrived, and don't follow up on it. I'm pretty sure it arrived, since she didn't send anything back. Or maybe she didn't send me anything because she didn't get it, so I don't know. In any case, she has been ignoring me since, so mission accomplished I guess.

Last Tuesday
I'm out with some friends and I end up chatting with this girl. I'm not particularly attracted to her, but my social skills need enhancing (see above) and I agree to meet up with her the following night.

Last Wednesday
I go out with a buddy and his girlfriend to see a movie (it's called 'Les triplettes de Belleville' and it's very entertaining). After that I go to the place where I agreed to meet up with this girl.

On my way over, I start thinking again, and realize that I forgot how this girl looks. She didn't really leave an incredible impression on me, so I more or less forgot. I figure it won't be a big deal because she'll recognize me, and the place we are meeting up should be empty.

So I arrive at the scene. It's this little park, in the center of a roundabout. There's no street lights or anything - it's pitch black dark. It feels pretty strange. I expect a fat guy with a hat to show up and say to me in an Italian accent you have the merchandise?. So the setting isn't perfect.

There's one bench there, and three girls are sitting on it. There's noone else there and I go up to them. Now remember that I forgot what she looks like. Normally if someone knows you, you can see the recognition on her face and you can conclude that you know her based on that. But it's so dark that I can't see anything.

I look at them, and they look at me, and I ask: who of you is my date?. I felt like a 75-year old internet dater. They must've sensed it as well, because one of them mumbles something, and one responds saying yeah, let's go.

Very strange situation. Their response wasn't entirely in tune with the social dynamic. It felt odd, and I'm uncomfortable.

I call it a night and go back to my sister's flat (she's not there and she has a television). I go through the TV channels hoping to come across Dawson's Creek, so I can masturbate and relieve the tension like that. I didn't find it and I watch Scarface instead. I think it's overhyped.

FIN

So you broke up with her because you had a single case of erectile dysfunction (which every guy will experience at least once in their life) and didn't actually want to talk about it with her?

Your stunted sex performance was not doubt related to your overconsumption of alcohol. Sure, the drink makes you want it more - but it can also make you much worse at it.

Ya... you broke up with her over that? You truly have deepseated issues. Of course she's going to laugh at your drunk horny-self, she probably wasnt making a big deal about it, she was probably just as uncomfortable. I think you made the worst choice.

Yeah, he did.

If you've ben drinking too much, of course you're going to have ED. A little alcohol is good, but too much can ruin a good evening AND keep you limp.

Yeah, I just reread that and I see what you mean. But the thing is, she didn't really put me at ease over it. Like I said, I sent a message to my buddy, and he wrote back some absurd nonsense, joking around, trying to calm me down. She didn't, and I realized that she was not my 'buddy', if that makes sense. She just sat there and went cold as if she was blaming me for something, and I don't know how to deal with

-that situation
-persons who **** with your head like that.

Thanks for the feedback so far - keep it coming

Then you should have talked it over with her. Keep in mind that you were rather drunk - perceptions of reality can not be all that clear if you were inebriated to the state of nonfunctionality, and actions as rash as breaking up with her may not be on the most sound of bases.

Now, if she had remained cold, distant, and unwilling to talk about it, then you might have sound reason to end the relationship.

I think the story about you getting wasted and breaking up with her because you can't get it to work is funny as hell.

Random Medial Knowledge:

Believe it or not, Alcohol inhibits your bodily desire for sex. Your mind might want it, but your body will never know, the proper hormones do not get released. In many cases, women will actually get turned off because of alcohol, despite that they have less inhibitions. (In other words, they only do it because you tell them to, not because they're interested in you. )

So then, is it worth it?

Apparently, coffee does the opposite of alcohol in that department.

Also, if you think only 50% of your texts get through, why don't you just pretend like nothing's happened?

Because I have no idea if that particular message came through or not.

I'm thinking :
a- buy a new cellphone
b- get a standard break-up message to send. This one is nice, AND confusing. It can't go wrong!

Como castillo de arena,
ése fue pa mí tu amor,
Tan poca era la firmeza
Que el viento se la llevó.

uhh, so she'll have to go find a random mexican to read it for her?
remind me not to date you.

Like a castle of sand,
So was my love for you,
It was so weak
That the wind took it.

(Shouldn't that "pa" be "para"?)

I think it's more like:

Like a castle of sand,
So was YOUR love for ME,
It was so weak
That the wind took it.

Actually, your version fits better. "Ese fue pa ti mi amor" then.
I'm not sure about the pa-para. You're probably right.



I have feelings too. But see, that is exactly the reaction I want to elicit, but afterwards.

I can see it already: "oooh... a message from Tenshu. Huh? It's Spanish??? Let me get a dictionary and get sucked into this beautiful reality of the poem. I feel like I'm a princess in a movie. Wait... is he breaking up with me? He is, but I can't be mad at him because he made me feel so warm inside by being so romantic. With pain in my heart I accept the break-up, but know this: Everytime the wind blows through the trees, I will hear the word.... teeenshu."

People who don't break up face-to-face suck.

Well, I haven't really exercised my Spanish linguistic skills in the past two years, so I'm quite proud of what I managed to get out of that.

So, I've gotta ask: did you end up masturbating to Scarface instead?

Mmmmm... I think that would've been awkward

QFT. Not only was your wang not working, you proved to her that you don't have any balls either. Good job.

Ah, you guys are being to hard on Tenshu. He made a mistake and hopefully you will not repeat this again right bro?

So he just showed that he did have properly functioning genetalia more than once?

Well, I don't get nervous easily, but I do become a bit anxious when I have to recite a poem to an audience. Hence the sms-solution.

Edit: tinny understands

There's another way of doing it, it's called "talking". You explain why you don't want to continue, tell her you still want to be friends (assuming you're really cliché), stuff like that.

I really think you have nothing to lose if you pretend like nothing's happened.

A: If she got the message...

1. She gets all upset and you're positive that it's over.
2. She pretends like nothing happened and you move on together.

B: If she didn't get the message...

She still believes that the two of you are together and you talk about it and make good on your rain check...

So 2/3 ways, you win.

it wasnt that he couldnt get it on, it was her reaction.

Ive had to experience a girl who was not comforting or understanding at ALL if anything went wrong in bed. Its hell being with a girl like that, I think its a good idea that Tenshu broke it off (metaphorically), and better that he did in case she did it 1st.

ps, be single for a while, its more fun.

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}