My dad sent me this in an email today.
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:
[ COSTELLO calls to buy a computer from ABBOTT ]
ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO : Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT : Mac?
COSTELLO : No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT : Your computer?
COSTELLO : I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT : Mac?
COSTELLO : I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT : What about Windows?
COSTELLO : Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT : Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO : I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT : Wallpaper.
COSTELLO : Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT : Software for Windows?
COSTELLO : No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT : Office.
COSTELLO : Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT : I just did.
COSTELLO : You just did what?
ABBOTT : Recommend something.
COSTELLO : You recommended something?
ABBOTT : Yes.
COSTELLO : For my office?
ABBOTT : Yes.
COSTELLO : OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT : Office.
COSTELLO : Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT : I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO : I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT : Word.
COSTELLO : What word?
ABBOTT : Word in Office.
COSTELLO : The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO : Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT : The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO : I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT : Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO : Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT : Real One.
COSTELLO : If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT : Of course.
COSTELLO : Great! With what?
ABBOTT : Real One.
COSTELLO : OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT : You click the blue "1"
COSTELLO : I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT : The blue "1".
COSTELLO : Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT : The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO : What word?
ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO : But there are three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT : No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO : It is?
ABBOTT : Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO : And that word is real one?
ABBOTT : Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO : STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT : Money.
COSTELLO : That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT : Money.
COSTELLO : I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT : It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO : What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT : Money.
COSTELLO : Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT : Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO : I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT : One copy.
COSTELLO : Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT : Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO : They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT : Why not? THEY OWN IT!
[A few days later]
ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO : How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT : Click on "START"…..
[colors edited for kyle90's sake, though I agree it is easier to read now, rather than the original red and blue]
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:
[ COSTELLO calls to buy a computer from ABBOTT ]
ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO : Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT : Mac?
COSTELLO : No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT : Your computer?
COSTELLO : I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT : Mac?
COSTELLO : I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT : What about Windows?
COSTELLO : Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT : Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO : I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT : Wallpaper.
COSTELLO : Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT : Software for Windows?
COSTELLO : No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT : Office.
COSTELLO : Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT : I just did.
COSTELLO : You just did what?
ABBOTT : Recommend something.
COSTELLO : You recommended something?
ABBOTT : Yes.
COSTELLO : For my office?
ABBOTT : Yes.
COSTELLO : OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT : Office.
COSTELLO : Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT : I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO : I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT : Word.
COSTELLO : What word?
ABBOTT : Word in Office.
COSTELLO : The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO : Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT : The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO : I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT : Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO : Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT : Real One.
COSTELLO : If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?
ABBOTT : Of course.
COSTELLO : Great! With what?
ABBOTT : Real One.
COSTELLO : OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT : You click the blue "1"
COSTELLO : I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT : The blue "1".
COSTELLO : Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOTT : The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO : What word?
ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO : But there are three words in "office for windows"!
ABBOTT : No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO : It is?
ABBOTT : Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO : And that word is real one?
ABBOTT : Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO : STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT : Money.
COSTELLO : That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT : Money.
COSTELLO : I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT : It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO : What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT : Money.
COSTELLO : Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT : Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO : I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT : One copy.
COSTELLO : Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT : Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO : They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT : Why not? THEY OWN IT!
[A few days later]
ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO : How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT : Click on "START"…..
[colors edited for kyle90's sake, though I agree it is easier to read now, rather than the original red and blue]
May the mass times acceleration be with you.
