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ForumsDiscussion Forum → The greatest essay... OF ALL TIME.
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The greatest essay... OF ALL TIME.
2005-05-03, 1:44 PM #1
Okay. Here's the deal:

My Latin class. I've had the same teacher for 3 years. The class is a joke. We've watched maybe.. five different movies the past three years, but we've seen each one maybe four or five times. Needless to say, I know everything they explain quite well.

We always have worksheets that go with the movies to fill out.

The same.. worksheets...

So this time, we watched movie #3 and I filled out the worksheet (with all the right answers) and went to sleep before the movie started. (I wasn't feeling well that day.) I woke up with about 10 minutes of class left to find we had to write two essays. I wrote one, took about 3 minutes, but the other one apparently had to do with a clip we had never seen before.

Whatever will happydud do!?!?

This is what happydud will write:

QUESTION: Carthage was one of Rome's strongest enemies and yet it finally was destroyed in 146 BC. By whom and in what ways was Carthage resurrected? [Paragraph, 3-4 sentences.]

ANSWER:
Quote:
Since the begining of time, Carthage, one of Rome's greatest enemies of all time, was finally destroyed after a long series of battles taht shall be remembered for all time. Carthage was ressurrected (like Jesus) but never regained the glory it had once hoped to hold... for all time!

In order to ressurrect the city, a trival council of tribes was called upon to praise the heathen god Yoshimitzu. Yoshimitzu was the most powerful and feared of the heathen gods of all time. He casted level 4 mass-revival and tapped four of his island mana, and three swamp mana. Using almost all of his xp, he called upon the ancient creature Cthulhu with his equally ancient incantation: "In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming for all time."


I ran out of time and paper here. I made this essay well known to the class (we had a substitute the day I wrote this), so they all knew what I did.

The best part is that we were getting these packets back today, and my friend John got his first. He got a B. He glared playfully at me and said "If you get a higher grade than me on this..."

I got a B+.
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2005-05-03, 1:50 PM #2
That is the coolest essay I've ever read OF ALL TIME!
Warhead[97]
2005-05-03, 1:50 PM #3
sweet, what'd you get wrong on it?
Holy soap opera Batman. - FGR
DARWIN WILL PREVENT THE DOWNFALL OF OUR RACE. - Rob
Free Jin!
2005-05-03, 2:01 PM #4
Actually, this isn't completely accurate to what was written. When I wrote it, I wrote "Julius Caeser" "Hannibal" "Carthage" and "Rome" in between some of the lines bigger and darker than the rest, so when she scanned the essay she'd see those words and be more likely to give me a better grade.

When the teacher was defending why I got a better grade than John did, she said "well, I didn't understand most of it, but he mentioned Hannibal and Caeser and Carthage, and he brought up some good points."

I did a small victory dance in the back of the room at this statement.

My friend refuses to talk to me.
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2005-05-03, 2:06 PM #5
hehe.
Catloaf, meet mouseloaf.
My music
2005-05-03, 2:17 PM #6
Excellent.
:D
2005-05-03, 2:31 PM #7
That's definitely the second greatest essay OF ALL TIME. The greatest, obviously, is Strong Bad's "Hustle and Bustle" Englilsh paper.
Stuff
2005-05-03, 2:46 PM #8
Second greatest. Greatest is the Oedipus Rex essay on albinoblacksheep.
D E A T H
2005-05-03, 3:00 PM #9
Okay, I'll secede my status to the Oedipus essay.
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2005-05-03, 3:01 PM #10
Come to think of it, Yoshi's right. That Oedipus essay was one of the few things I've seen on the internet that actually had me literally laughing out loud.
Stuff
2005-05-03, 3:10 PM #11
To anyone who's unlucky enough to not have seen it, here it is.

EXTREME LANGUAGE WARNING.
D E A T H
2005-05-03, 4:42 PM #12
"The Yellow Dart"
Think while it's still legal.
2005-05-03, 4:43 PM #13
Quote:
Originally posted by Dj Yoshi
Second greatest. Greatest is the Oedipus Rex essay on albinoblacksheep.

YES !
2005-05-03, 4:53 PM #14
what grade are youn in?
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
2005-05-03, 4:54 PM #15
Junior of high school. (11th grade)

[I just thought about why you may have said that. Keep in mind, this is all a joke.. :p]

[edit 2- Well, I did really write and turn in the essay.]
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2005-05-03, 5:50 PM #16
Quote:
This is Page 3
*blank space


I swear I could've gotten away with this in my English class :p
$do || ! $do ; try
try: command not found
Ye Olde Galactic Empire Mission Editor (X-wing, TIE, XvT/BoP, XWA)
2005-05-03, 6:03 PM #17
Oh please, every single essay I've written has been a jokein English. Like the one I wrote about finding Neptune and atlantis to save the ocean. Or the love letter Marlo sent to his gay lover, Kurtz. Or the poem I wrote about Doom 3. Or...etc.

I have a B...and this is AP English 4.
2005-05-03, 6:04 PM #18
Quote:
Originally posted by Dj Yoshi
To anyone who's unlucky enough to not have seen it, here it is.

EXTREME LANGUAGE WARNING.


The single most funniest thing I have ever read in my entire life.
Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
2005-05-03, 6:04 PM #19
Quote:
Originally posted by tofu
Oh please, every single essay I've written has been a jokein English. Like the one I wrote about finding Neptune and atlantis to save the ocean. Or the love letter Marlo sent to his gay lover, Kurtz. Or the poem I wrote about Doom 3. Or...etc.

I have a B...and this is AP English 4.


Same thing I plan on doing next year.

Go Go Extremely Easy AP Teachers!
D E A T H
2005-05-03, 6:05 PM #20
Quote:
Originally posted by tofu
Oh please, every single essay I've written has been a jokein English. Like the one I wrote about finding Neptune and atlantis to save the ocean. Or the love letter Marlo sent to his gay lover, Kurtz. Or the poem I wrote about Doom 3. Or...etc.

I have a B...and this is AP English 4.


Every single paper my junior year was about Star Wars. Easy A.
$do || ! $do ; try
try: command not found
Ye Olde Galactic Empire Mission Editor (X-wing, TIE, XvT/BoP, XWA)
2005-05-03, 6:18 PM #21
Ladies and Gentlemen, the luckiest ******* alive, because he had a substitute! *Points at Happydud* Now, if he'd had a real teacher that day or maybe stayed awake during the movie...your friend would probably be laughing at your poor grade. Hahaha (I hate your luck).
I had a blog. It sucked.
2005-05-03, 6:22 PM #22
Quote:
Originally posted by Dj Yoshi
To anyone who's unlucky enough to not have seen it, here it is.

EXTREME LANGUAGE WARNING.


except that its so rediculous that you know its fake.
[01:52] <~Nikumubeki> Because it's MBEGGAR BEGS LIKE A BEGONI.
2005-05-03, 6:35 PM #23
That Oedipus essay is beautiful! But it distracted me enough that someone just ran and stole my bathroom trashcan :(

I think my great accomplishment in high school was having to write an in-class essay on a book I never read. So I read the front, back, and side of the cover and wrote an essay on it. I got the second highest grade in the class (a 94.) :D
"Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."
2005-05-03, 6:36 PM #24
Quote:
Originally posted by MBeggar
except that its so rediculous that you know its fake.


I actually seriously doubt this. This guy was probably just on some really good drugs when he wrote it.
D E A T H
2005-05-03, 6:36 PM #25
Quote:
Originally posted by quesadilla_red
That Oedipus essay is beautiful! But it distracted me enough that someone just ran and stole my bathroom trashcan :(

:confused:
2005-05-03, 8:17 PM #26
Quote:
Originally posted by MBeggar
except that its so rediculous that you know its fake.


Probably lost his scholarship or something the day before and figured he'd go out with style.

-That's what I'm gonna do.
2005-05-03, 9:04 PM #27
The Biology teacher at our highschool is notoriously lax when it comes to homework. Once my friend answered a question "Ozzy Osbourne, Janis Joplin, and Rick Moranis are doing something" and the teacher didn't even notice.
2005-05-03, 9:05 PM #28
Quote:
Originally posted by Dj Yoshi
I actually seriously doubt this. This guy was probably just on some really good drugs when he wrote it.


How the hell could he have done all that stuff... and pulled off a D+?
[01:52] <~Nikumubeki> Because it's MBEGGAR BEGS LIKE A BEGONI.
2005-05-03, 9:09 PM #29
Like on page 3, at the bottom:

"Page is to big."

Real teachers don't make mistakes like that.

>.>
<.<
2005-05-03, 9:56 PM #30
Quote:
Originally posted by Dj Yoshi
To anyone who's unlucky enough to not have seen it, here it is.

EXTREME LANGUAGE WARNING.


Wow. This actually had me in tears. It might be the funniest thing I've seen all year.
If you think the waiters are rude, you should see the manager.
2005-05-03, 9:57 PM #31
Quote:
Originally posted by Shintock
Like on page 3, at the bottom:

"Page is to big."

Real teachers don't make mistakes like that.

>.>
<.<


It could have been a TA.
If you think the waiters are rude, you should see the manager.
2005-05-04, 4:13 AM #32
Quote:
Originally posted by MBeggar
How the hell could he have done all that stuff... and pulled off a D+?


Some teachers are REALLY lax.
D E A T H
2005-05-04, 8:01 AM #33
I got through the FIRST PAGE of the Oedipus essay, and I can't stop laughing. Have to go to school now though.
The tired anthem of a loser and a hypocrite.
2005-05-04, 8:10 AM #34
Quote:
Originally posted by Dj Yoshi
Some teachers are REALLY lax.


true, but for an essay like that? I really doubt it.
[01:52] <~Nikumubeki> Because it's MBEGGAR BEGS LIKE A BEGONI.
2005-05-04, 9:41 AM #35
Quote:
Originally posted by MBeggar
true, but for an essay like that? I really doubt it.


My creative writing teacher gave one kid a 100 for a story about heroin addiction and mass murder. It was a REALLY GOOD story, but still. It just depends on the teacher.
D E A T H
2005-05-04, 9:50 AM #36
In govt./social studies class we had to write a report on the major political parties in Sweden. This was mine:
Attachment: 4816/partipolitik.gif (32,478 bytes)
VTEC just kicked in, yo!
2005-05-04, 11:18 AM #37
I wrote a paper on the greatness of Marshmallow Peeps for my WR 222 class. I got a B+. If I fix a few things on my works cited page, I can get it up to an A.
"I'm only civil because I don't know any swear words."

-Calvin
2005-05-04, 11:39 AM #38
Quote:
Originally posted by Dj Yoshi
My creative writing teacher gave one kid a 100 for a story about heroin addiction and mass murder. It was a REALLY GOOD story, but still. It just depends on the teacher.


you're still missing my point. your teacher gave that kid a 100 because his story was good. the thing you linked to was just gibberish and mistakes.
[01:52] <~Nikumubeki> Because it's MBEGGAR BEGS LIKE A BEGONI.
2005-05-04, 1:59 PM #39
Quote:
Originally posted by MBeggar
you're still missing my point. your teacher gave that kid a 100 because his story was good. the thing you linked to was just gibberish and mistakes.


But it was entertaining...and it wasn't gibberish. It made SOME coherent sense, and in a very, very weird way told the story of Oedipus. With a few added details.
D E A T H
2005-05-04, 5:00 PM #40
I feel bad because you people think you are funny but really are not.
"When it's time for this planet to die, you'll understand that you know absolutely nothing." — Bugenhagen
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