Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone
astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous
culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic
culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil,
darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling,
prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if
five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health
center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contain violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

<3

you left out the ugly lesbians!

I'm so goth, my houseplants rejected water to kill themselves due to a low self esteem.

They also had black leaves.

LOLAR

Before I saw that list, I had no idea I was a goth. Thanks, Thrawn!

Here's a comic about goth kids to go along with the list!

http://cheston.com/pbf/PBF050ADBookWorld.jpg

Please don't leech images. -DSettahr

Every teenager in the world is a goth? News to me!

I knew Christopher Lowell was hiding something!

Was this made as a joke or is it genuine? You never can tell with these things. Either way it's hilarious. All the goth kids eat Count Chocula.

what Thrawn stole it from WARNING LESBIANS

"-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism."

Since when is philosophy is a religion?

And that lists describes pretty much 98.5% of all teenagers.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contain violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

Those made me laugh.


I guess I'm goth now.

These ones apply to me:

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
(Oops, I guess I should delete those Linkin Park mp3s)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
(yes, because how you dress is a perfect indicator of who you are)
-Complains of boredom.
(don't want us to have to have too much time to think, eh?)
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
(insomnia: no longer a medical condition - it's now a new and improved goth detector!)
-Is excessively awake during the night.
(ummm... yah... didn't we just cover this?)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
(I like my space, yes)
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
(I like my computer, yes)
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
(aren't these last three the same thing, just said three different ways?)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
(right, because no teenager should ever be anywhere without his or her parents)
-Eats excessively or too little
(so I like eating. is that a crime?)
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
(HAHAHAHA. Count Chocula tastes good. What else exactly constitutes "goth-related foods"?)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
(so just cable is bad? Satellite is okay then?)
-Plays videos games that contain violence or role-playing nature.
(no.... I would never do that. brb, playing Painkiller)
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
(how many posts do I have here now?)
-Expresses an interest in sex.
(Ayup)
-Masturbates.
(Okay, these last two basically cover everyone)


Well, looks like I should be dressing like a mime and cutting myself, as well as writing crappy poetry in my LiveJournal.

Technically I'm goth because I
Play violent video games, wear t-shirts from bands, I complain of boredom, I stay up late, I sleep alot, and I want to get a tattoo. Woopdy freakin do. I'm a gothic Lutheran I guess.

Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Plays videos games that contain violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
..well, Im ****ed then....lmfao

seriously though...I fit just about every one of those....
*sigh* Why can't closed minds come with closed mouths?

haha, that's great.

I love how all Hindus and Buddhists are goths too.

But...Nicholas Gurewitch wouldn't mind! He's my friend!

Haha...apparently this is from stmaryschurch.org (so says that MK magazine news site) If so thats hilarious. I can't even believe that is serious. People that stupid shouldn't be allowed to exist.

Actually I would bet all of those apply. All girls are automatically goth cause they pierce ears.

Yes, I think you should.

We're serious.

VERY serious.

Seriously.

Well, you know, that's quite logical: The cable for cable tv can come from below, underground (a real reference to satan), whilst you receive satellite programs from above, like straight from the heaven!

Unless it's a 36 hour reality TV marathon.

What's even worse, is that a school in my neighbourhood sent that very letter to all the pupil's parents.

Oh, and why the hell would anyone take something like this seriously? I mean, for crying out loud, it even considers Marilyn Manson to be affiliated with gothic subculture, same for cutting. Ah well. People suck.

Ahaha, I love the 'Satanist' stereotyping.

-Masturbates.

So every male who has seen porn is 1/5th gothic at least, then?

Note that you have to fit the majority of those qualities to be considered as a goth. For example, playing video games does not make me a goth.

I hate goths for some reason . . .

I'd say this is some hard case of religious intelligence, but you'd take me seriously.


What a hard case of religious intelligence.

I don't get Gothic people. They all dress up in black to be... different!?! Am I missing something here?

Also, the kind of people who make up these lists are very, very, weird. I've known these types of people before. Actually, the ironic thing, is that they are at least as weird Goths. :p

Ironically, there are Christian goths. Last I knew, (unless I'm missing something), it was just a style, not a way of life.

people who say things like this are the ones who give religion a bad name

It's not really ironic, because Satanism has nothing to do with 'goth' culture. This is all arised from a huge misunderstanding of what Satanism actually is, probably by goths themselves mostly.

There are three main sects of Satanism:
- The biggest and most comprehensive is the Church of Satan. It basically teaches that we are all gods, and in control of our own destinies. It is also opposed to the taxt-exempt status of churches, and is working towards the taxation of all churches. (Marilyn Manson is an honorary Reverend of the Church of Satan, though he is not an ordained minister)
- Another major Satanist society is the Order of the Nine Angels. They are basically concerned with 'creating' a new form of human being. This is done both through individual improvement, in the overcoming of personal trials and also through.. uh.. human sacrifice. The Church of Satan has recently officially condemned murder and rape, but the ONA hasn't.
- The third is The Temple of Set. A common misconception is that they 'worship' the Egyptian god of the underworld, Set, but simply use him as a metaphor for self-change, self-improvement and self-exploration.

If you're worried about a huge collective Satanist conspiracy, then you don't have much to worry about. All three groups spend most of their time fighting with the others, despite the fact that they share several fundemental commonalities. They are all about individual improvement, and the mastery of new skills. They all reject the concept of an all-powerful deity, so I suppose they are atheist (though they often use deities as metaphors for something or rather). In general, they are all just good old atheist materialism, just dressed up nicely. And not at all like 'goth culture'.

Yes, about 25 years of history of music and culture.

Satanism is like the biggest crock I've ever encountered.

Well, it comes in second place... after Wiccans who don't have any earthly concept of what Wicca is...

In other words, not much.

Do you suppose they used this list to interview extras for the Matrix rave scenes?

Oh, that's why no one is allowed to be an introvert, keep their opinions to themselves and just see no need to say everything that's on their minds. I guess all that crap teachers gave me in Junior High was for my own good afterall.

Not to go off on one of those "the man supresses individualism" rants, but I find myself getting more and more annoyed with the at the so-called "authorities" we entrust with the education of our youths. Authorities that, almost without exception, instill nonsensical values about people and relationships, and supress any kind of education that doesn't come through the "educational system." I'm so glad my parents weren't retarded.

But then I just keep it to myself.

Christian fundies are funny.

Check out the Google ads. They're advertising goth stuff.