Over the past two and half (that's 2.5 for you numerical guys) years, I have dated a girl named Amber who lives in California. I live in Missouri. We met online and immediatly liked each other. We started out talking via MSN IM, or in games we both had, and eventually reached the telephone, and then eventually reached talking to each other in real life. I went out to California two times to see her.

Now, the thing is the first year was great. No problems at all. But then for some reason, we both started fighting with each other. It continued and progressed until we started fighting daily.

She also had physical attractions which she told me about in the last part of our relationship, with some guy named Dean. This was last November/December. I accepted this for a while, because she wasn't doing anything (from what I gather) and hope that this would go away. Well, it didn't. It came to a point where when she talked to me, she talked to me in an angry voice, and when she talked about Dean to me, she talked normally. So, I went out that December to California again, spending $400 bucks doing so for a round trip, in hopes that this might work. It did for one week. But when she told me it came back, I waited for a few more weeks, and eventually "broke up" with her. Is this bad in doing so?

What are your opinions on long distance relationships? I can say after this experiance, I do not want another one again. I would prefer a girl by my side that I can do stuff with. And not just the bad stuff you're thinking about, stuff like going to the movies, throwing rocks at old people, etc.

NOTE: A few things to keep in mind in this story:

1.) This is my first technical relationship.
4.) I am only 17 years old and know nothing about relationships.
5.) The numbers "two" and "three" suck and is why I havn't posted them in this list.
6.) My name is Jay in real life. Thought you might want to know.

I don't think long distance relationships can work. I think people need to be with each other for it to work out.

From my experience long distance relationships never work out.

I tried a long distance relationship this last year at college. We had dated all of senior year of high school, but it quickly fell apart once we left for college.

I think the main thing for me is I need someone right here with me. In a relationsihp I want someone I can be best friends with and just have fun with. I'm not able to hang out with a girl if she's miles away, and I really missed that. Umm yeah...not sure where I'm going with this. Some people can do it, others can't. I can't. It just depends on you as a person and what you want from this. It also depends on your current age/situation. IMO, college is one of the greatest times to be single.

We have so much in common :p

Anyway, I don't think long distance relationships can really work out, particularly in the long run. They work, up to a point, but too many things are missing that you'd find in closer relationships, such as going to the movies together, and...uh...throwing rocks at old people.

I use to think they can work, now I know otherwise.

Sure Jeff/Jaiph met his wife online, and they lived across the country in Australia. But that's an exception.

I've had 3 long distance relationships and all 3 fell apart. Rather in a bad way too.

I've seen them work and I've seen them not work.

I've also seen "IRL" (short range?) relationships work and not work.

It's possible to "meet" good friends on the internet, but when the entire relationship takes place over this kind of distance? LOL, no way.

I had one once.. for two years, I live in Minnesota and I was 15 or so. Started one with a girl in Hawaii (OMG WTF right?) haha yeah but wow was she beautfiul. Talked on the phone a lot, etc. did this for 2 years I stayed true to her and we got really serious then all of a sudden.. on her yahoo profile (yeah.. lmao) I found a pic of her with a ring on her finger.. and was like "wtf" and asked and she goes "oh.. was going to tell you.. i'm getting married" seriously. wtf. Anyways, that's all over with. Thank god.

No it isn't.

Yes it is.

Technically speaking, of course...

They work out sometimes, but the odds are stacked against you, big time.

Long distance relationships can only work if there's an end to the "long distance" at some point. The longer it is until that time, the less chance it has of working out. 3 months away at sea? Sure. 6 months tour of duty in Iraq? Yeah. 4 years away at College? Stretching it. Forever? No way. And why would you want to?

This is a very good point. I even talked to her and we decided to wait 2 years (When I get out of highschool/start college) and see if we can be together and work out then. But I am just too impatient when she likes another guy...so that plan failed.

I can understand and I've seen it work fine if you're momentarily separated because of work/studies/armed-service for no more than a year, with occasional visits during weekends/holidays. Partly it works because they know that they're going to be able to get together, and they'll just have to grin and bear through it. But in all cases this is because they've known eachother beforehand, or because they've lived together, and because they really are devoted, honest, and genuinely head-over-heels in love with eachother.

Personally though. I could never fall in love with someone I haven't met face to face. Befriend them maybe, but no physical proximity = no intimacy = not a relationship. Even with a girl I knew beforehand, it didn't work. It became an incredible burden. It just really wasn't worth the effort. It felt like an act, it wasn't going anywhere. The feeling seemed mutual, so we both just eventually withdrew apart.

So now I'm in a relationship where we are only ~20 km apart. Easily within biking distance, or a short bus-ride away. Only a couple of kilometres from Uni Campus too. Effortless and fun for both. Running smooth as clockwork

If you see each other on a regular basis, long distance relationships can work. Otherwise no.

It will never work, unless you're like married. And even then it probably won't. There are plenty of nice girls within a hundred miles of you, find one of them.

Okay, I'm good at this kind of thing, as I've been great friends with a girl I like for about a year now, and we live far enough apart to only see each other about once a month.

I've managed to do this, and we get along great, using just AIM and occasionally the phone. The difference here being that we were introduced in real life by my best friend, who happens to be her cousin. I'm only 14, just so you know, and you have a better chance, being 17 (I think). You can too, but probably not with this girl. The problem could be that you wanted to be girlfriend/boyfriend when you lived more than a state apart. You just gotta be friends at that point, and you can probably avoid those arguments.

Basically, I'm saying that you shouldn't shoot for the boyfriend/girlfriend thing over such a distance, and for so long. Be friends for a long time, and friends aren't prohibited from holding hands and stuff, you know.

Just trying to help, Anovis.

And I thank you for offering help. But Amber and I are not even friends anymore.

The last I heard of her is that she made out with her current boyfriend on her first date with him (I'm still friends with her friends...they told me this, because they think she's a...well, you know...now.)

I'm now attracted to a girl named Kathryn, who goes by the name as Katie which is the same name as my sisters...so that's kinda weird. Oh, and she's 15. I'm trying via my sexy boy ways...but the name bothers me for some reason...but hey, at least I can drive her places (This is how we met -- I take her home from school every day)

Oh well.

UH, I agree with the poll, but it should be changed to love can also destroy you. Because.

I think it can work depending on the people.

As for why it didn't work...I know I had the same relationship with a guy online a while back when I was probably about 17. Basically I saw that I was putting in more of an effort to keep conversation going and writing letters/calling...that and I just got bored. There's only so much to talk about when it's a LDR. When you're together, you have all that nonverbal communication and just the comfort of being with someone. I eventually just moved on and started dating other guys without telling him. Then he got me really angry one night (I think about 2 years later) and I just put him on ignore and haven't spoke to him since. (I'm a horrible, horibble girl...)

Tried it, was too frustrating...

me an my boyfriend are exactully 97 miles away from each other, but it's only for the summer and cristmas months that we cant see each other regulary. i think this is goin to work/ i should be in bed cause i'm going to see him tormmrow and i have to drive thoes 97 miles

I couldn't get it to work out with a girl who lived 40 miles away, let alone half the country!

I forget the exact numbers, but only a small percentage of communication is in the actual words. Verbal and visual cues play a very big role. In a long distance relationship, you're only getting one or two of those things, and it limits the level of intimacy you can acheive together.

There are two types of long distance relationships, really -- ones that begin in real life and become long distance for a while later, and the ones that begin long distance with the couple never having met. The first kind tend to work better, because the relationship is already established and there's momentum to keep things going.

The second kind, however, I don't even regard as a real relationship, except in the technical sense of the word. It's more like a prelude to a real relationship. When you meet someone on the Internet, you begin to go through the first stages of relationship: learning about each other, their likes and dislikes, their personal history, that sort of thing. But when you reach the point where you should be entering the more intimate stages of relationship, you hit a wall, because the verbal and visual cues are missing. You get stuck in the preliminary stages of relationship and, if one of you doesn't move to where the other is so that you can be together in person, eventually one or both parties get bored with the stagnant relationship and move on.

So yeah. It's possible to meet someone on the Internet, and maybe go through the preliminary stages of a relationship, but if you want to go any further, you need to be together in person. Personally, I don't see why you'd want to miss the opportunity to go through even the preliminary stages in person, if at all possible.

It's just not the same.

i didn't answer the poll because i don't think there is a direct answer, it varies from case to case. I do believe however, that the older you get the more likely a long distance relationship will work out.

'Making out' with someone on the first date makes her a "you know what"? Strange. Sleeping with them? Agreed, perhaps, but merely 'making out'? Maybe we're not talking the same language.

Long distance relationships can work, but as many other people have said, you need to see that person often. I live 20 minutes away from my girlfriend, and I find that hard enough! I don't know how you could cope without seeing them for months.

Well.. I don't know what kind of relationships YOU have, but the kind I hav-...

Hmm.

I'm going to stop talking now.

I met my fiance on the 'net, last August. We decided to meet in person about a month later. We managed to see each other about every two weeks, each time switching who whent to who's place (we lived 3 hours apart). He popped the question in January, and we're due to be married in July. As has been said already, long distance relationships *can* work, as long as you see each other regularly, and talk extensively between visits. Of note, I moved to a town near his a month ago, as soon as I graduated from college. So now we see each other almost every day