I told myself I would never do this, but I'm going to share a girl story and ask for your input. This has to do with a relationship at work. I've always said that work-based relationships are a bad idea, but did I listen to my own advice? Nooo. Now I have no idea what to do.

Basically, I've got a fairly classic triangle case. Girl 1, who I shall call Jamie, likes me. A lot. While she's a cool person to hang out with, and I wouldn't mind being friends, I'm not attracted to her. At all. Girl 2, who I shall call Hayle, I like a lot. The feeling may or may not be mutual, but I'm getting vibes that it is.

The problem started yesterday. Jamie asked me if I wanted to hang out sometime. Seeing no harm in "hanging out," I said sure. Why not? I mean, there's a whole Wal-mart group that hangs out regularly, one that my roommate has recently become a part of. So I figure there's nothing wrong with hanging out with a friend from work. So we exchange numbers, etc. etc. Today she calls me after work, and basically tells me "I like you a lot." Also, something about going to the movies on Wednesday. Well, fine, that's great, but the feeling isn't exactly mutual. Like I said, as a friend she's a cool person, but I'm not attracted to her.

So my problem arises. The rumor mill has already started. I like Hayle, would like to hang out with her, and possibly date her. I get the feeling that she feels the same way. I don't have an issue with asking her out, but more of what I'm supposed to about Jamie. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but at the same time I don't want to date her. But if I hang out with her too much, I fear that Hayle may believe I'm snubbing her or that I'm not interested.

Normally, I would just wait this out and let it run it's course, but the potential for hurt feelings and missed opportunities is awfully high in this case. I'm at a complete loss as to how to proceed. I swear, this is exactly why I'm opposed to workplace relationships. Stupid stuff like this occurs, and you're screwed if you do and screwed if you don't.

I'm looking for any advice on how to avoid hurting Jamie's feelings, but still to tell her that I'm not interested, all while maintaining the image that I'm available and interested in Hayle.

Thanks Massassi. I feel like you've been a sound advisory board with my previous issues (speeding tickets, etc.) and I just wanted to say I appreciate all of your input.

you tell Jamie you'll go out with her if she'll defend you in court over your speeding ticket. If she refuses, tell her if she pays your fine you'll go out with her to that movie.

The longer you lead Jamie on the more its going to hurt when you inevitably shoot her down.

As for Jamie, come up with an excuse for the movies on wednesday. If you need any ideas just watch the Seinfeld episode with Jerry making excuses not to see his friend. :p As for Hayle, just ask her out on a date. If that doesn't work, if you want to, you could be persistant. But if its a no go, just relax knowing you don't have to worry about it anymore... I hope.

Right. I also need to avoid a jealous rage from Jamie (though I don't know if she's the type of person who would go into such a rage) if I end up with Hayle.

Quit your job... If you can't stand being around the jealous rage when it happens. But that is worst case senario...

Exactly.

Spork. Man of wisdom.

You work with both of these girls?? Either quit or don't date either of them...

I've decided that I'm just going to avoid work-related relationships. The only issue now is how to tell Jamie while being polite, and yet ensuring she gets the message. I guess I'll just need to figure that one out on my own.

That's pretty much what you have to tell her.

Yeah, I was in one of these situations a couple months ago. This girl really liked me and I had been hanging out with her as a friend, but she read it entirely the wrong way. It was hard, but I had to have a talk with her and tell her that I really liked her as a friend, but that was all. I couldn't really see myself going any farther than friends with her, but I didn't want that friendship to end. So yeah, for about 2 months afterwards there was supreme akwardness whenever I was around her, but now things are great and we are friends again.

And then there was the whole thing where I am dating one of her best friends... yeah, that helped the akwardness...

That is a common situation, but at least you not enduring the pain of being used by a girl, that happened to me TWICE. If anyone on Massassi remembers when I was 'therealcja'. I talked about girl problems on several occasions. To be honest, the best thing is to keep work and everything else seperate (unless you become friends with some of the workers). Relationships can exist at work and keep them out of the workplace. It will only lead to heartache (I know from experience). You're not the only one.

~Backburner~

Look, have you flirted with Jamie at all? Going to the movies or even having lunch/dinner with friends is fine. Not a date, unless that's intentional. See, both people have to think it's a date for it to be a date. Like in a submarine when launching a torpedo, both people need to turn a key. (Seinfeld! wOOt) What I'm saying is, don't worry about a jealous rage from Jamie; the movie doesn't have to be a date. But if you want Hayle, don't tell Jamie you don't want a workplace relationship. Duh.

Anyhoo, just don't take it any farther with Jamie if you don't want to hurt her. End it NOW. If you don't know how to tell her without hurting her... just do what I do: Say it straight! One motion, like a band-aid! Right off! End it! Graaaagralhgas.*cough* As long as you haven't hit on her at all, it will be fine.

Jamie IM'd me last night. We worked everything out. I'll probably avoid anything resembling a relationship with anybody from work, at least until I quit. It causes too much trouble. But for now, it's all good.