I never thought this would happen to me. They say this is the age where you re-evaluate everything you thought you knew. I always thought it would pass me over like an angel of death to my stilted rigidity, but I guess I thought wrong... I think I'm losing my faith.

My father was an apostate back in his youth, but returned to the cross with renewed vigor and is, today, as staunchly faithful a Lutheran as he raised me. He always made sure I understood that if I too wandered from the flock he would not judge, but I always cast this aside with a certain indignance that he would even suspect a chink in my holy armor. I believe because in some respect I fear a bleak universe wherein we are free to choose. Sheltered and overprotected through my growth, I have never been allowed to stand on my own two feet and determine and now that opportunities to do so arise, I tremble and waffle at the occasion.

With alcohol, I shuddered at the merest thought of consumption. I took wine at Communion only three times. I refused the tastes my parents offered me and turned my nose at the smell of their drinks in order to prove my sturdiness to myself. It helped that my social twigs didn't extend far enough to bring me to drinking parties throughout high school, but I didn't feel I missed all that much at the time. In Ireland this past summer, however, this Iron curtain slid aside a ring and in poured drinks of all sorts, but I refused to let myself drink enough to get drunk. I remembered the words of my father who said he'd never gotten drunk all his life, and I wanted to follow in the noble path of my old man... until he told me that I must have misheard him because he had indeed gotten drunk before.

With girls, my lack of game and holy 'friends' promoted my repitition of the chaste rhetoric that had been drilled into my innocent brain. I'm sure I made some people proud when I matured into a wholesomely shy lad and literally shook and murmured when I met those evil daughters of Eve. It didn't help that school for me every day meant a Roman Catholic all male private school, nor did it help that my first notion of love moved a thousand miles away before we shared a first kiss, which I then promised myself I'd deny to every girl after. I passed up enough opportunities that I finally broke that promise, but it was long after she had.

And now all these pillars of faith are crumbling down. And I'm not rent with unholy anguish, as I thought I would be, it's as though I calmly invite destruction. I avoided a no doubt fatal car collision today by a hair, but instead of murmuring a humbled Our Father, my lips pursed into a tranquil smile as I drove on, leaving the wailing horn of my bewildered partner in roadway perdition behind. What has been shaking all this up, you may ask? This time, though a woman's involved, it's not her: it's everything at once, converging into a worldly death spar sinking into my heart through that chink in my holy armor and adding some color to what was before snowy white.

The other day, I was at a kickin' Kaiser Chiefs concert with the old Ireland crew, but I walked over early on and struck up a conversation with a girl as an exercise to maintain 'the touch'. As the concert progressed, we went off together closer to the stage, and it soon became very apparent that she wanted to hook up, but for some reason, I just could NOT kiss her. Maybe I'm wired to think that it's somehow impolite to kiss a perfect stranger, especially in front of her designated uglier friend and while I was unenthusiastically dating some other girl, but what with everyone around me disregarding each other lately, I didn't see why I shouldn't go in for the kiss. I just couldn't do it, so I got her number, invited her to party with us after, which she turned down, and then invited her to a movie tonight with some friends, which she never got back to me about. Oh well, life goes on.

After the concert, though, we drove back to one of my friends' house to get our cars and then the plan was to head out to another guy's house and get smashed. My mother was expecting me back earlier, though, so I called to see if I could stay the night. She said it was fine with her, but I changed my mind and I firmly said you know what, no, I'm going to come home. I told them all to throw one back for me and that I was heading on home. Instead of a free night of drunken amusement, however, I got completely and disgustingly lost and arrived home a depressed mess. So much for making the Right Decision.

The next night, I took the the Texan lass out to the woods at her suggestion, but gave her the ol' 'oops my condom's in my other pants'. I still had a good time, but the relationship seems to be escalating at an increasing level and I'm feeling less and less worried. On the drive home, as all the mood music flowed out of my car's speakers, I must confess that some inkling of emotion began to rise from the briny depths of my weather worn heart.

Tonight, however, I got a very unsettling phonecall. It seems this lass just got fired for drinking oncampus at the camp and our time together has been abrupty cut short. She leaves tomorrow for the South, and I'll have one last opportunity to see her when I drive her to the airport. Call me mercenary, but one of my primary concerns is whether I should bang her before she goes. It's all coming down to the wire oh so fast, but by tomorrow evening, I'll probably never see her again. I'll move on fine enough, but I may regret either choice I make tomorrow for years to come. In the end, maybe either choice will have been the 'right choice' for whichever ending at which I end up, but I feel lost and confused. Have any of you sage Massassians some light to shine on my dark stumblings through the Wilderness of faithlessness?

Just try to think about baseball.

Gris, your writing style never ceases to amaze me. I command that you write an autobiography, and that it's all written like that.

Stop making excuses. If a woman wants to have sex and you don't, just tell her that. If she leaves you because you don't want to have sex with her, then to hell with her. You are better off without her. She obviously didn't respect you very much.

btw, the only person that can shake your faith and make you faithless is yourself. Also, self-reliance doesn't mean you are faithless. You can be both.

Buy some condoms.

one thing about chances - it's a shame to miss them.

we atheists have it the easy way. heh.

Oh no, my excuse was actually serious. I was scouring my dorm room the other week looking for the perfect clothes to wear on a date and I mysteriously discovered a twopack of Durex under the radiator, as if it were some strange omen.

And I feel like such a pansie for saying this, but I don't know whether I want this or not. I guess that's what it comes down to, and my ambivalence probably means no, but I feel like I have no ambition or initiative with this whole thing. Those who are 'broken in', so to speak seem to crave this stuff left and right, but me? It's more of a, 'hmmm that might be interesting to see what I'm missing.'

You may find this relevant to your situation.

Saboteur!

poor gris, keep it in your pants for your own self

people! get his pants!

[QUOTE=Kieran Horn]Stop making excuses. If a woman wants to have sex and you don't, just tell her that. If she leaves you because you don't want to have sex with her, then to hell with her. You are better off without her. She obviously didn't respect you very much.

btw, the only person that can shake your faith and make you faithless is yourself. Also, self-reliance doesn't mean you are faithless. You can be both.[/QUOTE]


that's more or less what i was thinking.

a resounding no comes to my mind

I am in agreement with kyle. Bravo!

Now, I have no helpful advice other than "you know best".

do her, its only a shag, doubt you'll ponder it all your life.

Damn, you are an excellent writer!

I have to say if someone of lesser skills had written a text that long, I'd have never finished it. But as it is, I just kept reading until the end.

I'm with the voice of reason on this one.

[QUOTE=Kieran Horn]Stop making excuses. If a woman wants to have sex and you don't, just tell her that. If she leaves you because you don't want to have sex with her, then to hell with her. You are better off without her. She obviously didn't respect you very much.

btw, the only person that can shake your faith and make you faithless is yourself. Also, self-reliance doesn't mean you are faithless. You can be both.[/QUOTE]


Dead on. If you don't want to do it, don't but be honest about it. If you do, go for it and enjoy the time you spend togehter. Again, the key is being honest.

The whole idea of forming shallow, temporary friendships just to have sex has never really seemed attractive to me. It seems to me that sexual attraction serves best as icing on the cake, for deeper, more permanent relationships. By itself it seems like it would feel pretty shallow and worthless after awhile.

Just my two cents.

Well I'm glad this stimulated all this discussion, but it turns out my parents didn't even let me drive her to the airport to begin with. We shared an insipid phonecall, and then I went off to spend the rest of the day finishing my Life of Grismath teaser!

I'm glad enough, actually, because I had decided against it, anyway. Thanks for the support and advice.

From what you've written, it sounds like you've been going through much the same thing as I am. I've been raised in a very Lutheran family, and always considered myself to have great morals and be very religious. One year of college changed a lot of that. I now drink (never did before), but half the time feel horrible about it. There are ups and downs to it, but I'm still not sure if it's right for me to be doing.

As far as sex goes, that's one thing that I'm saving until marriage. Yes, there's certainly pressure by a lot of people to do it, but I've found that if you're honest with people, they'll respect you for it. My advice is to wait. Have fun with this girl, but do you really want to give up something you've lived your whole life for for 1 night of fun? From personal experience, this kind of thing seems like a good idea at the time, but you end up regretting it. I'm not telling you what to do or not to do, but in your place, I would no do it, just wait.

Good luck with whatever you decide...

Sometimes people just wanna ****.

I'd have sex before I started drinking. Drinking can easily ruin your life. Not only that, but I could never and would never desire to lose control. I do not need a substance to change my emotions, loosen me up, or give me a buzz. I have mastered the ability to invoke such emotional changes by sheer will. That or I simply no longer experience emotion. Not sure rofls

What?

Wusses, all of you. You know what? Sex doesn't ruin you. Porn doesn't ruin you. Drinking doesn't ruin you. You know what leads people to "ruin"? Themselves. If you have some sort of propensity to be an alcoholic or if you have an addict mindset, it doesn't matter what your drug of choice is, girls, booze, porn, pot, work, God- you'll go overboard as you try to drown yourself in it. This propensity isn't necessarily one's own fault, but it is one's responsibility to recognize if such a weakness exists and to take measures to prevent a loss of control.

And for Christ's sake, stop writing like that. You sound like a medieval bard. Not sexy.

[QUOTE=Kieran Horn]Stop making excuses. If a woman wants to have sex and you don't, just tell her that. If she leaves you because you don't want to have sex with her, then to hell with her. You are better off without her. She obviously didn't respect you very much.

btw, the only person that can shake your faith and make you faithless is yourself. Also, self-reliance doesn't mean you are faithless. You can be both.[/QUOTE]


best
advice
ever

tho saying that gris you're popular with teh ladies so this whole sex or no sex thing should be beneath u by now

you hawt mandog you!!!

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

hahaha <3... get on AIM

You of so much experience, I'm sure.

While what you said is partially true regarding the addiction stuff, that doesn't mean a non-addict can **** their life up by drinking or womanizing. If you're careful, take the proper precautions and such, then you greatly reduce the risk of something happening, but it's never 100%.

A woman's being chaste until marriage was popularized when fathers handled the whole affair. A virgin was worth a lot more because men wanted to sleep with virgins. Having an opinion on the matter would mean that the men wanting the purity had experienced both, meaning men were never expected to remain chaste, originally.


Step up to the plate, laddie.

It's because its almost addicting.. it's a horrible thing. Be happy the way you are!!

Yup. Just a little revision here and there, and he has it!

Come to the darkside... we have peanuts. j/k I commend you for your effort to stay morally chaste if it is for yourself cause you won't last if it's not. I found doing things for God never worked for me I had to believe them and do them myself, but then again I'm an atheist after growing up under the torture of the Jehovah's Witnesses so why would I do things for God?

Awesome writing! I've personally came from an aethist family for most part yet I imho keeps the high moral values of my family

I've decided not to have sex until marriage and most people respect me if I go straight out and be blunt and say I don't want sex until marriage so it works.

Then with regards of alcohol I had never drink until I reached college, then I tried it out and ultimately in the end after about 4 time being drunk in 2 years I don't really think it is worth it for most part.

One thing I noticed is all of my friends who has had sex are nut jobs over it, they talk about it every chance they get and a lots of them try to go after it every chance that they can.