ok... so i vowed long ago that i'd never ask the Massassi Dating Service for advice...
but desperate times, you know.

so i've known this girl, Amanda, for close to a year (since right after i moved here).
she's really outgoing and friendly with me and all that... and just plain beautiful, of course.

she often makes sure that when stuff is going on with our mutual friends that i'm going to be there.
then once i'm there we joke around a lot and she teases me about stuff like "i'd never go out with Ian because..." and we all get a good laugh...

so here's the question: making sure i'm going to be there and teasing that way... is she inviting me or not? i've gotten advice from friends who say "yes" and some who say "no" =/

i'm sure this'll be a debate about how to understand women, heh...
so if any of the female -ians are reading i'd be very pleased to have some comments from them!

aaaaaaaaaaah! Another Ian!
*stabs*

thanks genki... that was really insightful

Yesno

There's one way to find out.
Go bowling with her.
Then invite her to your house. Watch a movie or something. Then make a move. Either get slapped or lucky.

i need to clarify two things:

1- i'm NOT trying to get laid with this girl. i'm interested in a real relationship.
2- if it doesn't work out i don't want to be in a position where she no longer wants to be my friend.

thanks squirrelking but... =P


edit: haha, we are going bowling wednesday. bunch of her friends do that once a month (not just her friends; lots of mine, too) =P but it's not like i asked her out to do that heh

The opposite sex can be hard to read, eh? By what you've said, I would say that it all boils down to what you personally think. None of us here at Massassi can be here and see all your conversations, try to pick out any signs or suggestions by her, etc, so it is really up to you to decide what her intentions are. You'll have to watch her closely and form your own opinions.


Sorry - I'm sure that this didn't really help much, so... someone get Pagewizard in here... :p

Oh.. serious relationship? >< Can't help you out there.
But if you need help with the other thing..

Just tell her that you're interested in her. See what she says. If it sounds positive, ask her out. If she says she doesn't feel the same way about you, no harm done; you can still be friends.

[kyle has me by a leash (in a non-sexual way) about dating tips, so I would support what he says.]

This is problematic. Taking the step of admitting feelings will always result in some awkwardness if it's not returned. However, it is certainly possible to get past that, if you both agree that you would much rather just be friends that nothing else.

From what you said in your first post, I'd say it sounds like she is interested. Checking that you're coming to joint events could just be a sign that she really likes you as a friend, and would like to spend more time with you, but if that were the case I'd expect her to have just gotten your number and started spending time with you on her own. The fact that she hasn't (from what you've mentioned), along with the jokes about not going out with you (sounds like obvious flirting to me!), suggests to me that she's just shy and is hinting towards how she feels but doesn't want to come right out and say it.

If I were you, I'd go to this bowling thing and make an effort to flirt back, see how she reacts. Suggest to her that the two of you do something together (would help if you knew of something that you're both into that you could suggest) and see how she reacts. There's likely to be one of three options: 1) she realises that you're asking her out and doesn't want anything like that with you, which you should be able to read quite easily, and you can reassure her that it's just a friend thing; 2) she wants to be better friends with you, and sees this as you wanting the same thing, so she'll probably be very excited about it; 3) she fancies you, recognises that you're asking her out, and wants to do it, in which case she'll probably be excited about the idea, but in a slightly more coy way.

hope that was helpful!

i wuv you maeve

aww shucks! *blush*

*quickly adds in disclaimer that Is may still yet end up being slapped with a white glove, as all women are crazy and there are no rules*

Give her a lombardi slap.

I'm fairly sure that her actions in general constitute either an invitation, and, if not, interest to be sure. Surely.

This is complete honesty. If she brought up the subject of going out with you, despite the sarcastic way she did, it means it's actually feasibly feasible.

NEVER tell a chick you are interested. Ever. It makes you seem a lot less interesting b/c she knows that she has you right where she wants you, and that kills a lot of the fun.

Just ask her out. Her response will tell you all you need to know.

Looks up. Coughs. Rolls eyes. Decides not to point out that by asking her out you are telling her you are interested. Goes back to sleep.

You're looking at this the wrong way. Let your actions do the talking. Never state your feeling with words because it kills the element of mysteriousness which is part of what would attract her to you early on. It's a really deep concept that I don't feel like going into detail on tonight because i've done it so many times before here, and I honestly don't have the time to type it all out again.

For once I agree with pagewizard. If people sat around and told everyone how they felt all day, we would get bored really fast. If, however, instead of telling *insertgirlfriend* that you love her and blah blah blah, you could buy her flowers and take her out on an expensive date, it becomes much more exciting, and ultimately rewarding. This was just an analogy.

Massassi Dating Service? Sounds on par with the "Nazi Samaritans".

flirting doesn't mean anything.

what I mean to say is that flirting is a bad indicator as to whether someone is interested, you're better to just ask them out and see how they respond.

this is where your mistake is. you can get laid in a serious relationship, and to be honest we're all aware that if you wanted to just get laid you wouldn't be asking for advice. The real problem is the second half of the sentence, it's all very well that you want a real relationship, but if you go from friends to real relationship that's a massive change very suddenly.

You want to just enjoy each others company but on a more intimate level than before, eventually this may progress into a "real" relationship. If you don't dive headfirst into a deep relationship you also have far more chance of your second point working out ok.

det: i'm not saying you can't have sex in a serious relationship... i'd just like that to be the "peak" of the emotional connection (and some of my personal beliefs require a certain long term contract to be signed before we start a more sexual relationship)

so here's what happened today...
i'm going to be driving pretty close to where she lives (about 20-30mins from here) on monday when i go to wichita for my orthodontist appointment... i SMS'd her saying something like "i'm going to be in derby monday morning... wanna do something?" and she gave me a very teasing "maybe" response.
so i just ended the conversation with some joke about calling her monday (basically it came down to if she was awake by then or not heh)
this is up for comment, heh.

here's the other part of the whole issue: she's currently going out with some other guy. he lives even further away than i do and it seems their relationship isn't very serious at all (they've only really been going out for like a month afaik)

some have told me that her actions are still inviting me to attempt something despite her existing relationship... what do you all think?

and thanks for all the advice. good or bad it does help to know what other people think.


and btw, about monday morning... if she goes for it i'm just going to make it seem like i want to just hang out and have breakfast quickly before i come home and go to work. (i have a half day off)

AAAAH RUN AWAY GIRLS!

No seriously, if she's already dating/seeing someone your chances of her being interested just really dropped.

In my experience, a lot of times this has no relevance. I can't go into detail on my experience in public because the "proposition" is rather graphic.

[EDIT] Also, you can trust me in relationship advice. I'm married:D

hehe thanks OT

bunch of us just went bowling and she was there... i didn't know she was coming until i got there, though...

sometimes i feel like she acts very differently with me than with other guys then after a while i think "no, she acts that way with all her guy friends" but then i see little things that she's doing and think they're unique to me... then i tell myself i'm seeing things that aren't there.

fjasd;lkfjasd;fkasd
i just can't figure it out. so i'm really at the stage of "i NEED to do something about this" because i'll really go insane if i don't find out for sure what she wants.

thanks for all the advice and feel free to keep commenting.

oh, on a somewhat unrelated note... is it okay or not to talk to a girl's best friend about the possibility of a relationship? (especially if you and the girl's best friend are good friends)

well, it's definetly a sure way of letting her know you're interested, heh.

Haha it's the easiest way too.

Her name is amanda? i was once seeing a girl called amanda, and now you like an amanda...

I hate her already, she'll just use u and pull her ex's behind your back.

hope that helps


EDIT: ok seriously, DONT tell her you're interested. In fact, do what I do.
I have NEVER asked a girl out. When I'm single, I have a list of women I like and depending on how much they like me back or how hot they are depends how high they're on my list.
Then I spend time with each of them, each encounter changing their position on the list.
If one of them likes you enough to break the taboo of the girl being asked out by boy instead of the other way around, then she's worth keeping assuming she's not bottom of the list and theres a chance you could have something better.

Maeve and Detty may crucify me for saying this stuff, but I've had 4 gf's in the past 22 months, all hot, and the present one Ive been with for 7 months in a loving relationship and she's DAMN fine.

so there ya go.

Maybe that should teach you some dignity rather than whine to amandas friend that you like her.

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

I wouldn't.

Chicks talk about *everything* with their friends. It would be the same thing as telling her yourself about the way you feel . (in other words, not good)

Ruthven: sounds more like a stats chart for quake than a list of possible girlfriends =P

tell her you find her attractive, but don't say anything more than that. saying you find someone attractive isn't the same as saying you want a relationship.

just keep it casual, you don't want to scare her away by being too intense.

Stop showing up and see if she cares.

Well, it worked for me, so nyeh :p . Of course I asked her out at the same time; I didn't wait. But whatever.