Last night was a bad night for me.

I started a job last Tuesday at a Dodge dealership here in Worcester. With this job, I was finally going to be able to pay off my ex, and buy a working, insured, and registered car.

Of course, that means that I was driving around one that was none of the above. Stupid, no? Ah, but I have barely had the money to feed myself up until recently, so I decided that it was worth the rather low risk.

But last night I got caught.

One in the morning, I'm driving home on route nine going the speed limit. A cop pulls up behind me, runs my plates, and pulls me over. He proceeds to have my car towed, and gives me a ticket with two criminal and one civil charge upon it. I suppose I'm lucky I didn't go straight to jail.

Once the car is towed, he tells me that I'm on my own and drives away. It's around two in the morning now, so I start trying to get a hold of people. Nothing. The only person I can get a hold of is my girlfriend, who's parents get exceptionally pissed off and take away her phone when she asks if she can drive the fifteen minutes up to where I've been left on the side of the road to help me. I try calling various cab companies as well, but none of the ones that operate in Westborough are open at that time of the night.

Eventually, I end up walking towards home, because I cannot get a ride. It takes the police a good forty-five minutes to pick me up from the side of the road. Thankfully, the officer who does is very nice, and drives me up to the edge of Worcester so I can get a cab.

But now, because of my own stupid risk-taking, my immediate and potentially long-term future is destroyed. My license is almost certainly going to be suspended, so I can no longer work anywhere out of walking distance, and I may even end up in jail for up to a year.

Considering that I am already poor and lack any kind of funds, this may push me out onto the street if I don't get sent to jail.

I am now seriously thinking of killing myself, because this isn't the first time I've borked something up and messed up my life, and it probably won't be the last, either. I just can't do it anymore. I always ruin my life. I hate myself.

Oh dear it would really suck if you went to Jail, I hope not.

I would just try to do everything you can to get your License back(I don't know how it works though, it might be like you are suspended from driving at all for a while).

A year in jail sucks, yeah. Being out of house and home for a while sucks too. There's always going to be an after that, though. Don't let the short term world cloud your judgement of tomorrow: Things will get better EVENTUALLY. And if you make it through the now, you'll have knowledge and abilities that you didn't have in the after. Life is a repetition of mistakes and education from those mistakes. Just roll with the punches and make the best of the mistakes to learn for the future. Honestly, there isn't ever a good time to kill yourself. Hope can be and might be the only thing you have: But it'll be the one thing that you can't lose.

And this is NOT the place to rely on with this sort of problem. Seek counciling, or tell an expert. None of us can truly know what you're going through, and because of that, we can't really hep you. Seek attention from someone who can actually help you get everything straight and into perspective.

JediKirby

I have been going to therapy off and on since I was fourteen.

And once when I was eight.

People tell me that things will get better.

Yet always, they become worse.

I want out, dammit.

Seek a second opinion. And the part about everyone telling you it'll get better? Why would everyone say it if it weren't true? You've just had a lot of obsticals. Keep moving and keep working ahead and overcoming those obsticals and yes, it WILL get better.

All I can say, even though it may be harsh, is, start realizing you are responsible for what happened. It's not like you were born doomed. It's you who went driving in that car. Acknowledge the fact that a lot of stuff doesn't just 'happen' to you, but that a lot of it is actually the result of your own actions or attitude. Only then will you learn to stop making those mistakes.

I know this all too well from my own experiences. Just start making a change. You are the only one who can do it.

That said, I sincerely hope you won't go to jail and that you will get another chance. Just take the opportunity whenever there is one. Never abandon hope. And nothing in this life is ever worth killing yourself for. Keep your eyes open and a positive mind or you won't see the chances you get in life.

Hope this helps a little.

They tell you it will get better because they feel socially obligated to prevent you from killing yourself, and very few of them can grasp what exactly you're going through. On one level, I can sympathize with your suicidal thoughts, but on the other, I can't judge your position.

Therapy has always had a certain stigma around it, and 'asking the experts' isn't always the best idea. What it looks like you need are people to tell you what you want to hear and reenforce what you're thinking, which is there is still hope and you shouldn't abandon ship. You may be a little confused, but you're pointing in the right direction. If you're coming here talking about it, opening up and sharing, then it's my belief that you do not want to end your life, as we most likely aren't going to encourage you to take that course of action.

Sometimes the system can be a cruel manipulator, but it's the individual - you, that counts. You should not let the insensitivity of others and bad circumstances push you to take the ultimate and final decision but instead steel yourself to these and push on hoping for a brighter tomorrow. Life is long, and it has its ups and downs. Many times, when you're on one, you forget about the other - don't. Just like good turns might not last, neither do bad ones. Every storm ends, and I am confident that this is one you can weather.

Best of luck.

If you have a job i'm 95% sure they will give you work privilages...

If not tell them to **** off.

I got busted with a DUI... I have not be driving for 5 months now.. can't find a job because.. well no one likes to hire anymore.. my back teeth are floating in debt to my parents and it gets worse, but this isn't about me.. as much trouble as I've had to deal with this system.. you'll be fine.. just keep yourself clean and stay out of jail.