Before you read, understand that I consider Massassi to be a great, creative community, as well as a place to dump my feelings. Really, if you don't want to hear it, just click the back button. Please. All I want is your feedback on my dilema.

Anyways...

I am so god damn ****ing mad at myself. Even the slightest, most jokingly-intended insult gets me down. I have enourmous mood swings, and get very depresssed after being confronted. I'm a weakling, I now realize it. It's stupid because I can be feeling so good one day; everything going my way, interacting with people just fine. Then the next day I'll wake up tangled in a jumbled heap of thoughts, like the innerds of a thousand cassette tapes strewn about. Even as I write this, though, I'm feeling better. You see, I went to my girlfriend's flat and hung out all day. We entertained eachother much, and we even shared quite a long kiss later in the evening. I feel wonderful when I'm around her. She's quite impulsive, however, and even though I absolutely love that about her, I take most everything she says way too seriously. Things like, "man, your face is kinda breaking out. here, I'll get you some acne cream." That brings down my self-confidence (I'm a very appearance-concious person, unfortunately). I'm such a sissy; hell, I really belong in an emo band...
But god, now I feel really stupid even writing these words. I realize how childish, irrational, and immature I am to let little things affect me in such a huge way. I'm all happy now, a large contrast to how I felt 30 minutes ago, mumbling nervously to myself on my way home. I'm back to my good-old self, the funny wierd Joel that I usually am. My mood swings like pendelum in fast-forward-motion.
Now my larger problem is that, besides from my family, I pretty much have no friends, save for my blessed girlfriend, whom my thoughts area on all the time. I know that's not healthy at all. It's because of this that I stay at home, make extremely creative art, play guitar, listen to the radio, write, and read almost all day long. Thankfully, school is starting again, and I'll have another reason to wake up every day and live. Now it's because I don't have any friends that I think my girlfriend finds me dull and lonely. I'm always available to talk or do stuff when she calls because I really have nothing better to do. It basically makes me look like I don't have a life.
I have enormous plans for my life, but no clue as to how I'll pull them off. I want to go to college so bad, but my family is finacially distressed, so don't ask me who the hell would pay for me. Hell, I want to look decent for school but I have hardly any money to spend on clothes or even supplies for that matter. I need to get a job so bad, but I lack the motivation. MOTIVATION. Yes, that is definately the core of my slew of problems. I lack the motivation to make friends, to be normal, to have a life. How do I fix that? Well how should I know. I'm tired now, I'll turn in for the night. Thanks for listening.

Wow, you need to slow down and address this one issue you at a time:

1st (and most importantly) Never even think you should be in an emo band, its just wrong.

Ok, you really just need to take some things in there stride, I have to admit I can identify with you a lot on many of these issues. I recently started work at a big company and I have to interact with a huge number of people everyday.

When you're working with such a large community it can help you to be less self-conscious and really just realise two important things:

1) People will like you for who you are and appearences aren't important so don't be selfconscious by people with poor jokes.

2) Anyone who really doesn't like you is a weasel

I really think the reason you got so upset with your girlfriend is because she is in essence your best friend and it hurts that she put you down, albeit jokingly.

To be honest I really think it would be a good idea for you to get some motivation and get a job. You'll start earning some money (put some away for future use i.e. college) and you'll probably make friends too.

Hopefully this makes some sense as I've only just woken up.
In the mean time you could always tell your girlfriend you feel selfconscious and to lay-off those kind of remarks even if they are intentioned as jokes.

As for college, and seeing how my best friends managed to get into college with absolutely nothing in terms of cash... you shouldn't stress about that TOO much.

Hell, if anything, make it your goal to get a scholarship. Then you won't even have to worry about it. Sounds like you have some artistic talent, focus on that, and if you are even halfway decent you'll get a good scholarship and get into a great college!

As for motivation, it's my thinking that a great number of teenagers (including myself) go through this at some point. However, there really is no easy fix for it. The best thing that happened to me was my job, as crappy as it was. Later on I found I went to work more to talk and have fun with the people I worked with rather than just to make money. For others, it's something different. This is what makes it so difficult.

The best thing about working at your age is the lack of stress. Most companies who hire 15-18 year olds don't exactly expect you to know the rules and etiquette. They'll teach you, and they'll be extremely forgiving of your mistakes. This is why I always tell people to make sure they get a job, at least by college. It's just a required learning experience that is not listed in your classes :p Just think of it as school... except you get paid

You could maybe share some of this (if not all) with your girlfriend, or just ask her to stop making those sort of jokes, i'm sure she'd understand. I agree with the above two posts too

Delphian, I am almost exactly like you, except I lack a girlfriend. I do have a good amount of friends, though I can't say I'm especially close to too many of them, and don't see too many of them barely at all outside of school, so I guess I'm kind of a loner in that regard. I've got the same problem with taking comments that are obviously jokes and still taking them too seriously, and I can go from being super-happy to super-depressed back to super-happy again in the span of an hour. I probably should see a psychiatrist one of these days, but I'm trying to help myself on my own first, and I think I am making some progress. One thing I've learned is that you can't change overnight, and you have to be very patient if you want to try to change something like this. In the end, you can never completely change your personality, but you can modify it enough to make your life more enjoyable, and that's what I'm trying to do.

Get some pills.

I'm not even joking, they help a lot with all that emo crap.

Hey, if you've got a spontaneous spunky girlfriend I'm sure you won't have any trouble making friends.

I agree with Matty, getting a job might be just the thing you need to do. Almost every single one of my close friends is also my coworker now, and I don't need any motivation other than that to go in to work..

You can do anything you put your mind to. How you do it is up to you.

You must be emo. (language warning)

Love that song, Wolfy.

Like everyone else has said, dont' worry about the way you look. You have a girlfriend. It can't be that bad. I used to be the same way with how I looked, but then I realized that its not how you look but you personality. Heck, I consider myself to be very ugly ATM because I have broken out with acne a bit more then I normally too, and I need my head buzzed. But I went to work and made 5 new firends in one night. Just be yourself and if think someone doesn't like you or whatever, don't bother with that person. There is over 6 billion people in the world, they all can't hate you.

Don't get pills. Trust me, I'm a scientoligist *snicker snicker snicker*

Oh... thats what that is...

Eh, I've been on Zoloft before, just makes me drowzee.

And I was joking about the emo band. Ew..

Thanks for all your comments, I appreciate them greatly. Feeling much better now.

Man, after reading much of this it felt like reading my own diary if i wrote one. I had to deal with some of these things one at a time, if you need to rant or let some stuff out or want any help pm me

I pity you too! Ha ha! Pity, PITY! We must drown him in seas of pity! Mawhahaha! *evil grin*

Or... um, yeah...

er so you're mad about your own feelings?

Just be yourself. Or, as an old now-druggie friend of mine would say, "Just kick it!"

Why was my response to this thead deleted?

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

Words of a Wise Man -_-

heh, pills... just another drug-induced, easy way out of depression that treats the symptoms but not the cause.