After a debacle involving going from the Deer Park Beta to firefox 1.07, my favorites were somehow restored to what they were about 5 months ago.

Anyhow, I found this link. So funny! *content warning though*

http://www.skippyslist.com/skippylist.html


I like these:

145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

158. The revolution is not now.

Especially funny if you've every been involved with the military.

164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.

91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

17. God may not contradict any of my orders.

HAHA

-I just read Catch-22 this summer.

favorites:

7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.

77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."

87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a “Cool Mint” Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.

129. The Microsoft ® “Dancing Paperclip” is not authorized to countermand any orders.

173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.

46. I am not authorized to fire officers.

47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.

54. “Napalm sticks to kids” is *not* a motivational phrase.

57. The proper response to a lawful order is not “Why?”

59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.

59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.

67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.

69. May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper, while on duty.

75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.

29. The Irish MPs are not after “Me frosted lucky charms”.

*chuckles*

That man must have gotten smoked so many times in his career. High speed.

I remember reading this list some time ago.

33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

hehehe

ROFL, that was some hilarious stuff, thanks

10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on government time.

20. Must not taunt the French any more

39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.

92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony “Romper Bomper Stomper Boo” is probably not appropriate.

99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.

142. “Calvin-Ball” is not authorized PT.

174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it's actually DOD policy).

203. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.