I got one of the most insightful e-mails... ever. I've included some of my own commentary that can be found in SPOILERS.

Guys read!
Body: 18 tips about girls:

1. If you like Her .. ASK HER OUT already.!!!!!!!!

2. when you hug her, put YOUR ARMS around her WAIST and hold her close.

3. when you WALK next to her, get as CLOSE as you can to her.

4. if she's the only one in your life, TELL HER.
If you don't, your cheating.

5. ALWAYS let her know how much you like her, love her, or think about her.
Then be ready for breakup as she calls you a clingy **** that walks too close to her.

6. give her presents and cards for no reason, SHE WILL RETURN THE FAVOR... ALWAYS.
Not always the way you want it though. Sometimes 'returning the favor' means she's going to 'borrow your credit card'

7. if she hangs up on you, call her right back.
Or just stop wasting your time.

8. always offer to pay, if she says NO twice, then let her pay but make a deal that you get to pay next time (date offer too!).
Or just invest your hard earned money in a next gen console... Those put out after the first date

9. kiss her lightly every chance you get.

10. look in her eyes and kiss her on the lips, forehead, or nose.
lightly

11. if she says she's cold, don't be an idiot and say "me too" and stand there, give her your jacket or just simply hold her in your arms.
Or stop dating skinny chicks. That way she can keep you warm instead.

12. don't force her to do anything she's not comfortable with.
Yeah. If you send her the top 10 things she has to do for you, you're a sexist pig.

13. invite her to dinner or somewhere where you can talk, instead of the
movies.
You also pay more in these locations, thus proving your love.

14. try not to ask her if she's mad at you EVERY TIME you speak to her.
Yeah, you should know the answere to that question already.

15. Always tell her you LOVE her ONLY IF U REALLY MEAN IT!!!!.

16. DON'T pressure her to do anything she isnt READY to do. When she is ready, she will let you know. She just wants everything to be more SPECIAL and PERFECT. So appreciate what she does do with you.
God knows she won't appreciate you.

17. DON'T' go and tell your friends anything that happens between you two, cause it will hurt her and make her mad...and it will NEVER happen again.
Just note that every single girl will, however, know.

18. Call her .. girls love to be called or just send little text messages to
them, this will make them think about you all day !!!
Pay for my cellphone bill.

Little facts about girls :

When a GIRL is quiet, Millions of things are running through her
mind.
Like how she's going to get the most out of this relationship with the least work. A suggestion: Web Chainletter

When a GIRL is not arguing, She is thinking deeply.
Completelly agreed. She's not thinking when she's talking.

When aGIRL looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how
long you will be around.
Or at least, how long she can keep this up.

When a GIRL answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds, she is not at all fine.
It's a science.

When a GIRL stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
Because you are. No, I'm serious. You are.

When a GIRL lays on your chest, She is wishing for you to be hers forever.
FACT

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday, She wants to be pampered.
And rightfully so!

When a GIRL says I love you, she means it.
But when I say it, I'm moving the relationship too fast!

When a GIRL says "i miss you", no one in this world can miss you more than
that.
Because yesterday was so far away.
[/quote]

Um... post your.... irony of sexist relationship advice?

...I like skinny girls. :|

me too sarn

teehee

Lucky about half of that doesn't apply to me.

Or at least a quarter or something...

The skinny girls bit > the rest

A lot of that is far better advice than you give it credit for.

Reminds me of this.

*LANGUAGE WARNING* (It's Maddox)

Very funny. Very true. *clap*

I'm talking about Jedikirby, not the advice.

I love how the email puts GIRLS IN ALL CAPS. As if we weren't sure what exactly we were reading about.

Kirby's Commentaries/translations are quite accurate.

There you have it--- it's been officially certified by me. :p

Love me tender, love me true!

POST YOUR IRONIC LOVE ADVICE!

Kirby, your spoilers to the advice makes you a hero.

Though i would add..... some spoiler/comments were simply not bitter enough.

:p

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

Good stuff, Kirby.

And Maddox.

"Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples."

That's all honestly...pretty much correct. I've gotten that chain letter from my g/f before and I just wrote "duh" in the reply. It's honestly stuff most guys should have figured out by now.

I'm currently Acousticizing "Come What May" from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack, as it's Emm's fav song and movie.

Haha, Mentis bows to the [cat].

Your commentary on #11 is the best.

I still disagree with #1 to some extent, but since I've never been on a date, I'm probably wrong.

If you only new how fine of a [cat] it was...
That of course is besides all that other emotional attachment BS
and the fact that I love playing guitar even though I'm pretty sucktastic at it

LMAO

Kirby, you seriously just made my day that was hysterical. #11 was one of my favorites. I was trying to sing while reading it but I kept cracking up. You guys must have dates some seroiusly annoying girls! (annoying being the nice word for it).

actually as far as a list of the things gilrs should do for guys, I got something like that actually:


30 things girls should know about guys
1. We're not as perverted as you think we all are...we just like sex


> 2. No matter what YOU say, your ex-boyfriend IS a LOSER.


> 3. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.


> 4. Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.


> 5. Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.


> 6. We know you're pretty, that's one of the reason's we're going out with you.
(doesn't mean it's not nice to hear)

> 7. Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us.
(HA)

> 8. If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us it's that time of the month and nothing more.


> 9. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our
mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.
(no, no we wouldn't)

> 10. We never shave our legs. So get over it.
(eeeewwwwwwww)

> 11. NEVER ask us if you can put makeup on us. It's just wrong............
(ditto)

> 12. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if you don't.


> 13. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe us.


> 14. We absolutely do not care about the Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC, 98 Degrees, or what any other guy looks like for that
matter.
(and we care what other girls look like? practice what you preach)

> 15. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but at least we can stand up and go pee.
(I fail to see what's so good about that)

> 16. Just cause you think you're always right, doesn't mean that you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong."


> 17. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.


> 18. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.


> 19. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might get what you wish for.


> 20. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say". That's just mean.
(I didn't realize that was a common practice)

> 21. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
(ouch! wtf, who does that?)

> 22. Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like yours better anyway.


> 23. Size doesn't matter, except to idiots who don't want a relationship.


> 24. PMS is not an excuse.
(YES IT IS!)

> 25. If you want us to put the seat down when we're done, you should put it up when you're done.


> 26............ Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn't turn us on.


> 27. And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach..... and maybe....oh nevermind.


> 28. NEVER ask us to kiss other guys. You might be that comfy with your friends, but to us it's just wrong.


> 29. We always notice how funny it is after you rip ---out our heart, stick it down our throat and still want to ----be friends
(bitter much?)

> 30. And last but not least: We know you're not always right, but we'll pretend like you are anyway.


I would doo funny little snide commentary, but I can't argue with a lot of it.

But it isn't. You're in pain, you're bleeding, yada yada. Of course, we're not going to blame you if you're a little iritable, but it DOES NOT give you all access rights to our emotional triggers. Attacking us, testing us, and basically making us feel like dirt, than saying "Oh, whoops, I'm PMSing" is the consistancy of us beating you and then saying "Sorry, I have a high testosterone level today."

it's not only the pain, it's also the hormones playing havoc on our emotions. you're right, it doesn't give any excuse to be abusive, but if we're a little irritable, it's legitamate.

Then a good statement is "Please excuse iritablity when we're PMSing" A LOT of women give it as a flat out excuse for personal attacks, unfair assessments, emotional games, and other practices of an insecure female.

JediKirby

I'm sorry, but girls are a LOT worse than guys when it comes to this. At most the average guy will say that a girl on tv or whatever is hot and he'd do her. Whereas girls will go on for about 10 minutes about them. I had to leave kitchen the last time the girls in my flat were watching X-Factor because the cries of "he's soooooo adorable!" were doing my head in.

(to kirby) lol I wouldn't know about that, it's not like a girl can use that on another girl who knows what's going on - I'm just asking to excuse mild irritability

...I think (and most females would agree with me) that "omg he's sooo cute" (while I'll allow, will get annoying) is better than "I would like to take her and [insert crude statement]" the former is annoying, the latter is ...ugh
(a friend in my dorm: "yeah, the girls are annoying, but at least they're not being rude and crude")

I don't care about either. Why does it matter who you'd hump, or who she thinks is cute? We all lust.

so true
so true

Point is, most guys don't even go as far as being crude, they'll usually say nothing, and may occasionally say that someone is hot. But that's the end of it, 5 seconds at most, not 10 minutes.

M n I are pretty open about calling out the hotties. Sometimes, one of us will step over the line to incite some form of bodily rape though.

"That chicks *** is so much better than yours...."
*BAM*
"on second thought, actually it isn't..."

meh, change of subject? It seriously wasn't intended to spark a debate.

I have to agree that women are much worse then guys when it comes to commenting on the finer people of the opposite sex.
All I hear from a guy is "She's hot" and "I'd go with her any time" and THATS IT! End of conversation concerning hottie number 2354.

But in my experience guys seem to comment on a much larger number of girls too. This might be because we only throw one sentance out and move on. Where as girls seem to pick a select few and keep 'em going the whole day.

[edit] in reply to sugarless [/edit]

Almost anything on massassi turns into a debate anyway, so just go with it :p

if the thread didn't spark some sort of debate it'd be dead within a few hours, just embrace the discussion - it's not a bad thing

I'm afraid I agree with Steph's list mostly.

Then again, I also would be shaving my legs if I wasn't so lazy, even though I'm not a swimmer. Having wookie legs scares people, and I don't blame them

You're scary enough Geb, your legs won't add or detract much either way.

Never have I laughed so much at the site of the frowning smiley.

Whiney attention whores.