Massassi Forums Logo

This is the static archive of the Massassi Forums. The forums are closed indefinitely. Thanks for all the memories!

You can also download Super Old Archived Message Boards from when Massassi first started.

"View" counts are as of the day the forums were archived, and will no longer increase.

☖ Forums → Discussion Forum → Facts about Chuck Norris
Facts about Chuck Norris
2005-11-06, 8:27 AM #1
*language warning*
http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty

This may be sad, but that **** has be rolling! :D

My favourites:

Quote:
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.


Quote:
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane.


Quote:
Chuck Norris had his own version of Punk'd. Only in his version, he would walk around and roundhouse kick people in the throats.
Got a permanent feather in my cap;
Got a stretch to my stride;
a stroll to my step;
2005-11-06, 8:30 AM #2
This is just a crappy ripoff of the Vin Diesel game.
Stuff
2005-11-06, 8:35 AM #3
Originally posted by kyle90:
This is just a crappy ripoff of the Vin Diesel game.


:rolleyes: Chuck Norris > Vin Diesel

*roundhouse kicks Kyle90*
Got a permanent feather in my cap;
Got a stretch to my stride;
a stroll to my step;
2005-11-06, 8:46 AM #4
Quote:
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.


Odd.
SnailIracing:n(500tpostshpereline)pants
-----------------------------@%
2005-11-06, 9:22 AM #5
Fact about Chuck Norris:

No one cares about Chuck Norris.
twitter | flickr | last.fm | facebook |
2005-11-06, 9:30 AM #6
This thread alone proves you wrong. ;)
Got a permanent feather in my cap;
Got a stretch to my stride;
a stroll to my step;
2005-11-06, 9:39 AM #7
I'm not wrong. You're wrong! The whole damn system is wrong!
twitter | flickr | last.fm | facebook |
2005-11-06, 9:42 AM #8
Quote:
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.



FTW

Quote:
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.


this is truth
eat right, exercise, die anyway
2005-11-06, 9:47 AM #9
This is the best one:

Quote:
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
2005-11-06, 10:27 AM #10
Chuck Norris is overrated. The site was funny though.
2005-11-06, 10:45 AM #11
Umm yeah, it's still just a ripoff of the Vin Diesel one.
Vin Diesel > Chuck Norris.
Proof:
"Vin Diesel lost his virginity to a tool shed."

"The globe on the NBC Nightly News spun in the wrong direction until January 2nd, 1984, when Vin Diesel reversed the Earth's rotation to fix NBC's error."

"Vin broke the home-run record using only his forehead as a bat."

"Vin Diesel's Social Security Number is 000-00-1337."

"Zeus got the idea for turning into a swan and impregnating women after watching Vin Diesel do precisely that while out drinking with Bacchus."
</sarcasm>
<Anovis> mmmm I wanna lick your wet, Mentis.
__________
2005-11-06, 11:08 AM #12
The Vin Diesel facts are hilarious.
For example, I bet you didn't know that:

When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Vin Diesel's hair is too afraid of him to grow.

Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
I bet you think that's funny, don't you.
2005-11-06, 11:52 AM #13
Vin Diesel is in no way funny to me...

BUT Chuck Norris is awesome. I loved those 'facts.'
2005-11-06, 12:04 PM #14
This is gold. :D
Pissed Off?
2005-11-06, 12:14 PM #15
Quote:
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


Quote:
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.


HAHAH
2005-11-06, 12:34 PM #16
Sorry Ruthven.

Quote:
Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.
Sam: "Sir we can't call it 'The Enterprise'"
Jack: "Why not!"
2005-11-06, 1:50 PM #17
[QUOTE=Compos Mentis]Umm yeah, it's still just a ripoff of the Vin Diesel one.
Vin Diesel < Chuck Norris.
[/QUOTE]

... Have you yet realized its the same site? :rolleyes:
Got a permanent feather in my cap;
Got a stretch to my stride;
a stroll to my step;
2005-11-06, 1:54 PM #18
[QUOTE=Compos Mentis]Umm yeah, it's still just a ripoff of the Vin Diesel one.
Vin Diesel < Chuck Norris.
[/QUOTE]

... Have you yet realized its the same site? :rolleyes:

"Jesus was in fact the second coming of Chuck Norris."
Got a permanent feather in my cap;
Got a stretch to my stride;
a stroll to my step;
2005-11-06, 2:33 PM #19
You also realize that those are only the top 30. The link at the bottom will take you to the random fact page.

After taking the first steps on the moon and saying the immortal words, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind", Neil Armstrong looked to his right, only to see Chuck Norris there on the moon, sitting on a lawn chair drinking a beer. "Giant leap, my ***", Chuck replied.
2005-11-06, 3:17 PM #20
*pulls the Walker Texas Ranger lever*
"Those ****ing amateurs... You left your dog, you idiots!"
2005-11-06, 3:24 PM #21
Originally posted by Sol:
... Have you yet realized its the same site? :rolleyes:

No because I don't visit sites about chuck norris
</sarcasm>
<Anovis> mmmm I wanna lick your wet, Mentis.
__________
2005-11-06, 4:10 PM #22
Chuck Norris > Diesel any day.
Hehehe Schming, Conan is da best.
2005-11-06, 4:15 PM #23
Originally posted by Schming:
*pulls the Walker Texas Ranger lever*


Now THOSE ruled.

*tastes soil*

*spits*

"Plane crashed here."
twitter | flickr | last.fm | facebook |
2005-11-06, 4:28 PM #24
Originally posted by Jazzkokehead:
The Vin Diesel facts are hilarious.
For example, I bet you didn't know that:

When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.


Technically he's both lifting himself up AND pushing the earth down :p
一个大西瓜
2005-11-06, 4:42 PM #25
Quote:
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

That one got quite a laugh out of me. :D
And when the moment is right, I'm gonna fly a kite.
2005-11-07, 9:54 AM #26
Quote:
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.


My favorite.
If you think the waiters are rude, you should see the manager.
2005-11-30, 10:57 AM #27
No, no, no! That was'nt "Chuck Norris -- More then meets the eye", it was "Transvestites -- more then meets the eye". Or maybe, Chuck Norris is actually a woman... Damn, this has huge implications. Moders science will never be the same..
2005-11-30, 11:08 AM #28
Chuck Norris will rape you with his eyelids for even thinking about thinking that.
2005-11-30, 11:21 AM #29
[QUOTE=Mr. Stafford]Chuck Norris will rape you with his eyelids for even thinking about thinking that.[/QUOTE]

What are you talking about?? He'll just roundhouse kick him in the face.
No sig.
2005-11-30, 12:39 PM #30
Originally posted by SG-fan:
Sorry Ruthven.



That's baloney. Have you seen the Chuck Norris movie where he has to rescue his viet wife after the Vietnam war? He even had to rescue his half viet child.
"The only crime I'm guilty of is love [of china]"
- Ruthven
me clan me mod
2005-11-30, 12:54 PM #31
Quote:
When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
<3
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

Lassev: I guess there was something captivating in savagery, because I liked it.
2005-11-30, 12:59 PM #32
and...
Quote:
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

Lassev: I guess there was something captivating in savagery, because I liked it.
2005-11-30, 8:12 PM #33
Chuck Norris!~!!!!!!!!!!!!Hell yeah !!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :eek: k: :D :D :

↑ Up to the top!