would you sleep with your friend's ex?

as far as i'm concerned, if there's no chance of them ever getting back together and enough time has passed, she can do whatever she wants to do. and if that's me then that's ok.

[relevant anecdote]
I was with a girl for around 2 years, first love and all that nonsense. Four months after we broke up we were still "friends," and out driving in her car one night. She asks me what's wrong and I reply, "I still love you, and it hurts." Well she didn't know what to do and she said so. The next day... I'll emphasize that, the next day she slept with my best friend. It hurt. She did it knowing it would hurt. But I don't know whether I have any right to judge either of them. I wanted to blame circumstance or my own perceptions or some other neutral target that would allow our friendships to continue, but the fact is that the dynamic had changed. It's awkward being around either of them now and I avoid it when possible.
[/relevant anecdote]

So: I guess it depends on the dynamic between you and your friend(s). There's all kinds of friendships and all kinds of lovers, and the kinds of stress they can survive vary pretty greatly. My verdict: there is no objective code. Sometimes you'll hurt someone, sometimes you won't... but the absence of an objective code doesn't mean the absence of a subjective one, and you should understand all parties involved before doing something like this.

(I voted no due to experience + empathy. I'd probably get hurt regardless of which role I had in a similar situation.)

On a situation like that, yes.

It's a tricky situation; obviously there's tonnes of factors to take into account depending on the circumstances. If they broke up two minutes ago and your friend is emotionally unbalanced and suicidal; probably not a good idea. But if they dated for two weeks sometime back in 1985; I'm gonna say that it's okay.

I voted "yes", because if nobody ever did the nasty with anyone who's ever been with someone else, the human race would quickly die out. (Although maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing; but that's a discussion for a different thread :p )

What? That doesn't make any sense. Please explain.

I voted no, because if you still refer to the person as an "ex" there's some sort of sentiment there. If your friend hated his ex you'd be a traitor, and if you he still cared for her you'd be a *******. Now, if it were some girl from a two-week fling in 1985, go for it.

Yeah you're right, it doesn't make sense.

I voted yes because while on general principal out of respect for my friend no I wouldnt, but hey if it's been a while she's really hot and there's alcohol involved... Well I'm only human.

Glad we agree. :p

This is't tricky or questionable at all. He's NOT WITH HER ANYMORE, so TAP IT. Seriously, it's going to hurt him if she's with anyone, but he needs to realize that's his OWN personal problem. If he's your friend, he wont hold you back from loving someone.

However, if he's not as englightened as he should be, the real question you need to ask yourself is: "Do I want to keep my friend, or do I want to get some?" Because, however ok with it he SHOULD be, he might not be.

JediKirby

My gf is my best friend's ex, we've been together for 3 years now. yes we have had sex.

Oddly enough I'm in (somewhat) the same situation

and I've decided yes

but it really depends.

Only sleep with her if you don't value your friendship with her ex. You can't reasonably assume what his reaction will be when he finds out (and he WILL find out) and it's amazingly selfish to just shrug off whatever feelings he may still have for her. It might be a little more safe if he's the one who dumped her, but definitely not vice-versa.

If you're just asking us so you can prove to your friend that being upset is wrong,... screw you. If you're thinking of what you should be doing next, maybe you shouldn't be listening to people who seriously use the phrase "tap it" when describing sex.

The latter situation is why I voted no. My friend still harbors some sort of feeling towards her. I would a) feel terrible if I did sleep with her b) receive a good beating.

And I see Massassi is into 30+ y/o chicks :p (1985 bits)

btw, my gf and my friend are still good friends, and he's still my best friend. no damage done.

I think this is possibly one of those areas where girls and boys differ completely.

I've had this conversation with girlfriends of mine, and every single one of us has said we could never get with another's ex. It would just be far too weird to invade that space that this person shared with your friend. (The two-week fling in 1985 situation doesn't count - that's not a relationship). However the relationship ended, if it was at all serious then you just can't go there. It's almost...incestual.

Perhaps as a whole maeve, but not all of us. Then again, I ain't one to ask either :p