Last night, I was watching an old movie of his known as Invasion U.S.A.. This has got to be one of the best comedy movie ever. I love how the Russian terrorist leader thinks he can take over America with 1,000 men. Furthermore, they are able to land in Florida with WWII landing crafts (similar to the ones used at Normandy) with no resistance from the coast guards. After landing at the beaches, they find these conviently placed trucks lined up so they can start their "invasion."

It should be noted that Chuck Norris is a super hero in this movie. Everytime the terrorists try to harm some innocent civillians, Chuck Norris is apparently able to come to the rescue in his truck. His "Chuck Norris's senses" is comparable to that of the Spidey sense. I love how he is able to sense enemies behind a door and then shoot the walls to take them down.

Dude, it's a Chuck Norris movie.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If your still alive, its because Chuck Norris loves you.

Chuck Norris never sleeps, he waits.

According to the theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can kick you yesterday.

That's my favorite one by far.

Now that's the line. Not even Chuck Norris can **** with Indiana Jones and Bruce Wayne.

Admittedly, he did get trounced by Bill and Ted, amongst miscellaneous jedi, entities, superheroes, villains, etc. in the bloodiest battle toe world ever saw.

[QUOTE=- Tony -]Angels sang out, in an immaculate chorus
Down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris
Who delivered a kick which could shatter bones
Into the crotch of Indiana Jones
Who fell over on the ground writhing in pain
While Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne
But Chuck saw through his clever disguise
And he crushed Batman's head inbetween his thighs.[/QUOTE]

I happen to be listening to the mp3, and that part came on just as I began to read that. Heheh.


I love the Chuck Norris clips on Conan.

My favorite Chuck Norris movie is Return Of The Dragon, where Bruce Lee rips out his chest hair.

The Delta Force is also pretty good...the theme song is just so happy.

OOOOOOOOH, so chuck norris films are comedies? Cool, at least my laughter was vindicated.

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Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. To bad he never cries.

Chuck Norris can die in a ditch. He his NOTHING compared to the power of Vin Diesel.

Damn straight!

Most people don't know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzis and kicking some Roman ***. Vin Diesel was all like, "Jesus, I totally saved you." Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, "Now it's my turn to save you." Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That's how the bible ends. It's a cliff-hanger. I can't wait for the sequel, "The Bible 2: Water...Into Blood'.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Scientists have also theorised Chuck Norris's creation of Hurricane Andrew after kicking a butterfly in the face

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a cup while playing sports because everyone knows Chuck Norris' groin kicks back

Chuck Norris also invented Physics, so he could calculate the force per square inch of his ROUNDHOUSE KICKS.

Mr T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar, they travelled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.

Vin Diesel once challenged Chuck Norris to a starring contest. They are still going to this day.

Somone quoted that stupid Chuck Norris thing the other day. Its not funny.


Conan + Chuck Norris lever = Funny

Internet + repeating the same joke over and over = LOALZ

Losers opening a large zipper?

"Then Gandalf the Gray
And Gandalf the White
And Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight
And Benito Mussolini
And the Blue Meanie
And Cowboy Curtis
And Jambi the Genie
Robocop, the Terminator
Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader
Low-pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger
Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan
Spock, the Rock, Doc Oc, and Hulk Hogan
All came outta nowhere lightning fast
And they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ***
It was the bloodiest battle that the world ever saw
With civilians looking on in total awe..."

-Pure poetry

You forgot the part where Chuck kills them all, dismembers them, and hangs them on his Christmas tree for decoration.

pft Chuck Norris is in the closet - lumberjack.

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elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
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else{
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You're british, you wouldn't understand the Chuck Norris legacy.

maybe not his so-called legacy, but Ive seen the odd film of his.

yes monoxide, thats right, we have tv too! ZOMG

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Jackie Chan > All, especially Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is ok. But I hate Vin Diesel with a passion.

[QUOTE=IRG SithLord]Chuck Norris is ok. But I hate Vin Diesel with a passion.[/QUOTE]

amen

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elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
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else{
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Keanu Reeves owns them all.
:p

j/k

omg, i just realised your name is "oh be quiet!" lol thats hilarious...

and damn i'm slow witted

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
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elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
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else{
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Actually, I prefer Keanu to both Chuck and Vin.

[QUOTE=IRG SithLord]Actually, I prefer Keanu to both Chuck and Vin.[/QUOTE]

A wooden board to God's bodyguard and a generic bald action hero?

Pfft.

-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

-Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

-Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

-Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f*** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

-Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

-The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

-Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

-To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

-There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

-If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

-Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

-Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
-Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

-Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

-Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

-Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

-When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

-One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.

-Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.

-When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

-After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

-Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

-Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

-One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.