I was talking with Froggy on aim, and we realized that the entire story of super mario 64 was:

- Peach bakes a cake for mario and asks him to come eat it
- Mario arrives and finds out, oh no there's trouble
- Mario saves the day
- Mario gets cake

What a ****ty story! Now, being that it's (almost) the 10 year anniversary of mario 64, here's the challenge: fix the stupid story and/or fill in the huge holes. Surely mario got something more than the cake for all of his hard work. And surely there was more than just Peach just baking a cake. And something had to be happening while mario was getting all those stars.

(Yes, this could be an ISB thing, but it's not really an interactive story)

...
Throw in some tentacle monsters.

-... what? It would be good.

Mario is a plumber tradesman with a thick moustache. He "cleans" the pool/moat during the course of the story. I think the cake is actually a not-too-subtle metaphor.

Yes?

But that's the best story ever.

I'd never get the cake

It would be great if, at the end, he finally meets Peach and... you knew this was coming...
Mario: So, toots, where's that cake?
Princess: I'm sorry, what?
Mario: You said you had a cake for me, Peach. Are you suffering from autism?
Princess: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm Princess Buttercup. Your princess is in another castle.
Mario:... *power off*

-Or else she turns into some sort of Insmouth-esque horror. Then jumps away in a strange and rigid cutscene.

Well he did get to play with those flying, metal, and turn-you-into-noise thing-a-me-bob caps, collect all those coins (most likely spend it on booze and hookers ... after all, how many chicks dig chubby little italian blokes?), got shot out of a cannon ... er ... quite a few cannons, learnt some awesome moves (totally own in a break dancing contest or the triple jump in the olympics), and got to race a penguin ... A FREAKIN' PENGUIN. Not some fat guy in a costume, a real FREAKIN' HUGE *** PENGUIN!!?!?! Did I mention the penguin?

It only took him 20 minutes to save the day. It was practically nothing for Mario.

Oh man.

OH MAN


Massassi writing fan fiction?

The world as we know it is ending!

Mario got a dinosaur Yoshi for collecting all his stars. He got a yoshi?

Not mainly the chicks, but many geeks dig a fat, hairy, italian bloke, if he's lesbian.

Ahem...they left that part out to keep the rating down.

Super Mario 64: Hot Coffee Mod

That isn't a good thing. I get a yoshi every time I post my opinion on the forums. Trust me, Mario lost.

But Yoshi gave you like 100 lives AFTER you beat the game? You realize how helpful that is :sarcasm:

Achelois?

Aye, Achelois. Our stalking, italian flower with an amputation fetish.

The plumber with the mustache comes round to fix Peach's sink?

O_o 70s porn comes to mind.

Mein dispatchah sez dere is something wrong vit deina kahbul?

-He fixes the cable?

It's a freaking platforming game. XD It doesn't need to be an epic tale.

But regardless, it's a step up from the first Mario Bros, there Mario, after visiting all eight of that decadent Princess' castles(or less if you found some warp pipes) she gets a "congratulations, as a reward you can go and navigate all the levels again, only they're more difficult now!"

wahoo