By Jack Handey
From: http://snl.jt.org/deep/index.phtml?i=1
-If you're ever watching one of those shows where they hypnotize people and you find yourself being hypnotized, don't fight it. Just go along with it because, hey, it's a free hypnotism.
-I think a great summer job would be Dictator of a Small Island Nation. The only bad part: no overtime pay. I guess they always find some way to screw you.
From: http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.php?t=150378
Post your thoughts
- Anytime I see something screech across a room, and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing?
- I bet what happened was, they discovered fire and invented the wheel on the same day. Then, that night, they burned the wheel.
- I think a cute idea would be about a parrot who is raised with eagles. It would be cute because the parrot can't seem to act like an eagle. After awhile though, to keep the movie from getting boring, maybe put in some pornography. Later, we see the happy parrot flying along, acting like an eagle. He sees two parrots below and starts to attack, but it's his parents. Then, some more pornography.
- I think a good gift for the president would be a chocolate revolver, and since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up real quick and hand it to him.
- I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then at the very end, there's a page you can lick, and it tastes like Kool-Aid.
- I wish I would have a real tragic love affair, and get so bummed out that I just quit my job, and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.
- If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.
- If you're robbing a bank, and your pants suddenly fall down, I think it's OK to laugh, and to let the hostages laugh too, because come on, life is funny.
- Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset, and he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet, and also, you're drunk.
- One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned out warehouse. "Oh no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
From: http://snl.jt.org/deep/index.phtml?i=1
-If you're ever watching one of those shows where they hypnotize people and you find yourself being hypnotized, don't fight it. Just go along with it because, hey, it's a free hypnotism.
-I think a great summer job would be Dictator of a Small Island Nation. The only bad part: no overtime pay. I guess they always find some way to screw you.
From: http://www.iidb.org/vbb/showthread.php?t=150378
Post your thoughts
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