Okay, so I've sunk to this level. Coming to Massassi with a relationship question. Well, I thought it would spark up some idea for me or a nice conversation if nothign else. I am in an interfaith relationship. I'm an agnostic, and my girlfriend a Lutheran. Lately she's been worried about some of the differences and what they would mean if we were to marry and have kids. She is concerned about raising them in a household of mized views, because it allows the kids to look at one's viewpoint as an alternative to how they are to be formally trained. For example, our kids would be trained as Lutherans, but her example was that if they see me not going to church on SUndays they would wonder why they have to go, and not want to. I of course would do what I can to help raise them in teh faith we've chosen to start them out as, so I don't see the issue. I know we can do it, but she requires some sort of convincing.


Do you agree with me that interfaith marriages (between a conservative Christian and an agnostic) can work, if the partners want to. Or do you hold a different belief?

Not if she takes it seriously... But if she doesn't, she's really just agnostic too, so that's something you'll have to find from her.

I think that the only way they can't work is if there's no reason for them to work. If you guys love each other and are determined to make it work, it'll work.

Is it possible? Yes. Would I encourage it? Probably not; it would be much more difficult than a marriage should be.

$0.02

my parents are diff in religion too, one being a JW and one being more a baptist/chiristian type thing, forgot the real name of it

Any marriage can work, as long as both people are fully commited to making it work. If there is true love, then matters such as religion do not become a major problem. However that's not so say that their wouldn't be issues down the line, like when it comes to raising children. But true love would allow the couple to deal with those issues in a mature way.

"True love" isn't as it is read in the storybooks. Everyone has their rough spots..

I never said there wouldn't be rough spots. All marriages have rough spots. What makes love "true" is the ability of the couple to forgive each other’s faults and help one another. Sadly, we live in a society that has the wrong perception of marriage, people don't treat marriage with the sanctity that is deserves. This becomes very clear when you look at the insane divorce rate.

Probably the healthiest marriage I've seen is my friend's parent's. One is an atheist, the other is very, very Roman Catholic. I think the main issue with them is that they did not let it become an issue.

Yes. End of story. Kind of a ridiculous question, actually.

Not that ridiculous. It's an opinion also.

My opinion is it won't work.

I'm certain you would try to keep the kids in the faith, and I'm not saying you won't. What I am saying is that if you hold different beliefs than your wife, there will be big problems, such as "Why do I have to go when Dad doesn't?" and your children asking "Dad, why don't you go to church?"

My mom is a firm Catholic, my dad doesn't go to church although he claims to be Christian. Personally, I think he's agnostic, and I don't know what I am. I want to believe there is a God, I want to believe Jesus died for my sins...but I can't.

You may not like my thoughts, but I firmly believe that without you believing as well, you won't be able to raise Christian children like your wife wants. If you do have children and she raises them in the faith...well, around my age they will start to question their religion like all children do (even those who are firm believers with both Christian parents). I have extreme doubts that my father is going to heaven, if there is a heaven. Your children will have big problems with their religion if they think their dad is going to hell...I have problems admitting to myself that while my dad claims to be semi-Christian, he doesn't believe and will be going to hell.

I'm sorry, but I'm almost certain it won't work.

Zlocista.

Added Later:

I'm not trying to step between you and her. I just don't think that you could have a strong family if the kids and wife think their father, the leader of their family, is goign to burn eternally in the flames of hell. I have laid awake at night, wondering if my father really does believe, or if he will go to hell, and if he does...I want to be there with him, because he's my father...but I want to go to heaven as well, experience the joy.

Your kids will ultimately have an extremely hard time deciding in their religion if they are split in their choice between two parents.

I'll rephrase, I guess -- since religion is such a part of my life, I feel as if a marriage would be incomplete if my spouse did not share my faith. Much easier to become one with another if you believe the same stuff.

Perhaps others view it differently.

NO.

If she is serious about being a conservative Christian. It downright says in the Bible she shouldn't marry you, so... yeah. Something for her to think about.

Or you could leave the decision up to your kids.

[QUOTE=Dj Yoshi]Or you could leave the decision up to your kids.[/QUOTE]

One familiar with Catholic teaching would know that in order for a Catholic to marry a non-Catholic, the non-Catholic spouse must agree to raise the kids in the Catholic faith.

Trust me, there's not that many devout catholics in the US, much less the world.

[QUOTE=Dj Yoshi]Or you could leave the decision up to your kids.[/QUOTE]
As the son of a Catholic and...whatever my dad is, I'm saying right here it is extremely hard to choose between Catholicism and not really any religion like my father. Both my mom and dad want me to be a strong Catholic, but without my dad in the church believing, I have a choice to make between which parent I like more, and I can't decide that.

I am of the opinion it is extremely hard to raise Christian kids with parents split on beliefs, and that's it.

If you're basing your beliefs on "which parent you like more" then yeah, it's gonna be hard. If you're basing your beliefs on your BELIEFS however, it shouldn't take more than a second to figure it out. Seriously, realize that this is indeed your life, and you're coming to the age where you're going to have to make some very important decisions about what you do and don't believe and want.

Yoshi, I'm not saying (well, I did say it) that it's a choice between which parent I like more. What I meant by that is more or less it is harder to accept my father is going to hell and leave him behind and just accept a religion that SAYS my father is going to hell.

I'm saying when his kids get old enough to really recognize the concept of heaven, hell, and death, there will be some big problems in their decisions.

I can see what you mean. At first glance it would appear to be a very tough decision a child to make. But ultimately children are going to believe what they want to believe. It is true that kids model their religious behavior after their parents. But once they reach their teenage years, they are exposed to other ideas from different religions. In fact, exposing yourself to different believes is a very beneficial thing, it helps you better define your own faith. So maybe having parents with different religious views is a blessing, because it helps diversify children's beliefs.

[QUOTE=Dj Yoshi]Trust me, there's not that many devout catholics in the US, much less the world.[/QUOTE]

I addressed your reply with official Church teaching. If the 'twice-a-year' Catholics do not follow it, they are in violation of Church teaching.

There aren't that many people that always obey traffic laws either, but that does not make those laws invalid.

Sure they can!

If they both agree to grow the **** up.

Good point. Nice grammar, by the way, better than most that we get here.

OK, getting ideas from other religions yeah. It helps you decide which religion you like the most if you get ideas from all of them.

The marriage itself might work extremely well if you both work hard at it, but the religion aspect of your family would be rather hard for your children to decide, judging from what I'm currently going through as a 13 year old.

Bad analogy. Very few people who follow catholic teachings go to mass every sunday AND retain the teachings year round or even attempt to. However, almost all drivers attempt to drive decently at least.

[QUOTE=Dj Yoshi]Bad analogy. Very few people who follow catholic teachings go to mass every sunday AND retain the teachings year round or even attempt to. However, almost all drivers attempt to drive decently at least.[/QUOTE]
You said attempt to drive decently.

GOOD CHRISTIANS ATTEMPT TO RETAIN THE TEACHINGS YEAR ROUND. There is a difference between following it's every word and attempting to to the best of your ability. It was an extremely good analogy.

But not everyone who's "christian" is a good christian, nor do they try to be. That was the flaw in the analogy. Very VERY few people drive without a license.

That's the key right there.

[QUOTE=Dj Yoshi]Bad analogy. Very few people who follow catholic teachings go to mass every sunday AND retain the teachings year round or even attempt to. However, almost all drivers attempt to drive decently at least.[/QUOTE]

Incorrect. Those who do not go to Mass every Sunday do not follow Catholic teaching.

Okay, let me break it down for you--I can tell right now you're one of those "ONLY PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW MY RELIGION THE WAY I FOLLOW IT ARE RIGHT AND ARE GOING TO HEAVEN" types. Think about it for a second, and you may agree...or you may not and you may feel like ignoring the obvious. Whatever.

People who CLASSIFY themselves as catholic and REAL CATHOLICS are VERY DIFFERENT ENTITIES, especially when talking about things as serious as faith in relationship.

But as long as you make an attempt to (IE: You miss it because you're puking your guts out into the toilet) that's ok. Good Christians attempt to the best of their ability. Good Christians WANT to follow the Word and go to church.

I never said there weren't those who don't. But a true Christian attempts to the best of their ability, and if you don't you aren't a very strong Christian.

[QUOTE=Dj Yoshi]Okay, let me break it down for you--I can tell right now you're one of those "ONLY PEOPLE WHO FOLLOW MY RELIGION THE WAY I FOLLOW IT ARE RIGHT AND ARE GOING TO HEAVEN" types. Think about it for a second, and you may agree...or you may not and you may feel like ignoring the obvious. Whatever.

People who CLASSIFY themselves as catholic and REAL CATHOLICS are VERY DIFFERENT ENTITIES, especially when talking about things as serious as faith in relationship.[/QUOTE]
You're going to explain to me what I believe? Heh - that's funny, considering you don't even understand what it is that my Church teaches. Nowhere did I say who is going to Heaven. The Catholic Church cannot confirm that anyone has gone to hell -- so who am I to say anything about it?

I also don't see what this has to do with my other statement -- official teaching is official teaching. Believe what you like..you're the one ignoring the obvious here.



Correct -- you obviously are unable to go under certain circumstances.

FTW.

I need to stay out of religion threads..I keep telling myself that. I should've been asleep an hour ago.

It doesn't work in my experience. There are girls parents who won't let their daughters talk to me because I 'don't believe' (OMG) and one girl at school called me a Pagan, which I guess is true if you kind of squint and turn the book upside down.

I have seen it work, but lots of times it doesn't. For example, there is one girl I am madly in love with except for the fact that she will only be married in an LDS Temple, and so I have attempted to give that up.

If they are okay with it, and willing to work, it can work. If it conflicts with their personal interpretation of their religion at all expect fights about them trying to convert you.

Ugh, this is why I hate talking to people who are religious about religion. So self-righteous they don't even realize that their own beliefs are up to interpretation by everyone else--you can say you aren't racist, but if it teaches you to segregate and regard other races as lower in stature that's the same damned thing.

But I'm done with this pointless tail-chasing since, after a record of 3 posts, it's obvious you're not going to listen to reason anyways. Oh wait, you're religious.

REDUNDANT.

Yeah, derailed.

[QUOTE=Dj Yoshi]Ugh, this is why I hate talking to people who are religious about religion. So self-righteous they don't even realize that their own beliefs are up to interpretation by everyone else--you can say you aren't racist, but if it teaches you to segregate and regard other races as lower in stature that's the same damned thing.

But I'm done with this pointless tail-chasing since, after a record of 3 posts, it's obvious you're not going to listen to reason anyways. Oh wait, you're religious.

REDUNDANT.

Yeah, derailed.[/QUOTE]

My own beliefs are based on the Catholic Church. It is not up to interpretation by you, me, or anyone else. You can say you aren't self-righteous, but by your blatant sarcasm and disrespect for others' beliefs, one can hardly assume otherwise.

He wasn't being sarcastic, what you jsut said fits what Yoshi said to a tee.

What I said is the truth.

If he can't handle it, so be it.

Hence the whole different perspective thigns. You're right in your mind, but that doesn't mean everyone else is going to agree with you.