Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.

If a tornado hits your home and causes $10,000 dollars worth of improvement.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."

You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia boss.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

POST YOUR JOKIES!!

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Yank - "English boy ay? Y'know we saved your butts in World World II!"
Brit - "Oh Yeh? Well we saved YOUR arses in World War III!!"
Yank - "Yeh thats true"

[This message has been edited by clan ruthervain (edited June 09, 2004).]

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

You might be a red neck if your mamma keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

You might be a red neck if your family tree does not fork out.

-Jeff Foxworthy


------------------
"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity."

-Albert Einstein

Your mums so fat she stood on a scale at it said game over

------------------
/fluffle

2 guys walk into a bar....

...


The third one ducks

*groan* i'll give you some better ones later

------------------
/fluffle

An extremely wealthy 80-year-old man arrived for his annual check-up and smiled when the doctor enquired about his health. ‘Never better,’ he announced proudly. ‘I’ve taken an 18-year-old bride, and she’s pregnant. What do you think of that?’ The doctor considered this for a moment, and then said, ‘I once knew a guy who was an avid hunter. One day he slept late and in the subsequent rush, he dashed out with his umbrella instead of his rifle.’ ‘Go on, doc,’ says the old-timer. ‘Deep in the woods, he faced a huge, angry bear, raised his umbrella, pointed it at the animal and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?’ Dumbfounded, the old codger shook his head. ‘The bear fell dead in front of him.’ ‘That’s impossible,’ exclaimed the old man. ‘Someone else must have been doing the shooting.’ Sighing, the doctor gave his patient a friendly pat on the back. ‘That’s what I’m getting at.'

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"This hole is octogo. Ogiganeel. It's Octa.. It's got eight sides."
"He's a dead man! I'm not havin' a dead man in my cemetary!"

^^^ROFL!

------------------
"No good can ever come from staying with normal people"
-Outlaw Star
"Some people play tennis. I erode the human soul"
-Tycho, Penny Arcade
"I'm a Cannabal-Vegitarian. I will BBQ an employee if there is no veggie option"
-DX:IW
A Knight's Tail
Exile: A Tale of Light in Dark
The Never Ending Story²[/i]

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and the mom said that you can't have any breakfast till your chores are done.

The little boy feeds the chickens, and kicks them. Then he feeds the hogs and kicks them, doing the same to the cows. All he came back to was a bowl of dry cereal.

The little boy asked why he didn't have any milk for his cereal, or any bacon or eggs.

His mama told him that she saw him kick the cows, so no milk, kick the pigs, so no bacon, and kick the chickens, so no eggs.

Ten minutes later, his dad came down and kicks the cat.

The little boy looks up at his mother and said, "Should you tell him or should I?"

Sorry, it's a little choppy.

------------------
I'm sorry, you must be lost... I think you really don't belong here.

DDr, that joke is SOO wrong, on SOO many levels...

------------------
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.
:wq

But sooo funny.

------------------
Prowling out of the tundra, swinging a jeweled meat hammer, cometh Outlaw Torn! And he gives a gutteral bellow:

"I'm seriously going to hump you until you scream like a banshee!"

Thats great!

------------------
Run Away!!

Yeah, that's a funny one.

------------------
I bet you think that's funny, don't you.

A quick lesson on quoting: You don't always need to quote the entire message. Sometimes a simple "DDR's joke was great!" will suffice.

------------------
"I'd rather be hated for who I am rather than loved for who I pretend to be." -Janis Joplin

I don't get it...

(Just to get on your good side, Vinny. )

------------------
[16:38] Correction: dick tracy was a real man
[16:38] happydud: Actually... He wasn't.
[19:08] Dormouse: hi, my name's happydud and i'm passive-aggress.. SHUTUP!! *stabs nearby orphan*
[You have gained 3 Dark Side Points]

i dont get it either

What doesn't the dad get?

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

...I cant tell if you guys really dont get it or you're being naive in order to be funny.

------------------
free mp3 ~Jump - Young America

new album Between the Dim and the Dark available now

I don't get it...

------------------
BV's rendition of Titanic: Let's have sex. I won't let go. I don't need this stone.
The End.
~ Wolfy

no really I dont understand the punch line.

The dad screws the cat or what?

------------------
Yank - "English boy ay? Y'know we saved your butts in World World II!"
Brit - "Oh Yeh? Well we saved YOUR arses in World War III!!"
Yank - "Yeh thats true"

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

Ohhhhh I get it. It's not really that funny.

[Edit: Just think... what common sexual reference also means cat?]

------------------
BV's rendition of Titanic: Let's have sex. I won't let go. I don't need this stone.
The End.
~ Wolfy

[This message has been edited by BV (edited June 10, 2004).]

Hahahaha, I get it now.

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OSC Empire | A.H.N.U.L.D.
[Jim7 PING reply]: 666secs

I didn't get it till I read GBK's post and thought, "What could possibly be wrong about that joke?"

Three boys, an asian, a mexican and a redneck are all out at recess but they're bored.

The asian boy says, "I know! Let's play 'Who's the longest!' at next recess.

The redneck says, "I don't know how to play." but agrees after the others tell him they'll teach him.

Second recess comes along and the three boys run to the back corner of the play field. The asian boy promptly drops his pants and proudly shows off his bits. Next the Mexican boy drops trow and the Asian boy frowns and pulls his pants up. Finally, the Redneck drops his pants and the other two boys stare in awe. The bell rings and they go back to class.

After school, the redneck goes home and proudly proclaims to his mom that he won at a game of 'Who's the longest'. After explaining it to her he then exclaims "I must be really ahead in my development!" to which she responds, "No son, you're 24".

------------------
-=I'm the wang of this here site, and it's HUGE! So just imagine how big I am.=-
1337Yectiwan
OSC Returns!!
10 of 14 -- 27 Lives On

...

------------------

"Bantha's are filthy animals.......I don't eat filthy animals."

"Laugh it up Fuzzball!"
-Han Solo

O_o

------------------
Snail racing: (500 posts per line)

--------@%

The Massassi JO/JA Single Player contest info

Eh... o.O

Both DDR and LividDK27's made me chuckle . Scarily, although I can't say "surprisingly", I've got all the sexual innuendo jokes so far - maybe my mind's permanently in the gutter I just don't know...

Just keep 'em coming - I always love the subtly implied innuendo ones myself

-Jackpot

PS: ...I'm not frustrated...
<.<
>.>


------------------
"lucky_jackpot is the smily god..." - gothicX

"Life is mostly froth and bubble, but two things stand in stone,
Kindness in another's trouble, courage in your own"
("Ye Wearie Wayfarer" - by Adam Lindsay Gordon)

And he's finally off the starting grid --> Zooooom -@%

3 men are standing in a boat; A Mexican, Russian, and American. The Russian gets out a bottle of vodka, drinks some, and passes it around. When he gets it back, he throws it over board. The others look at him and ask why he did that?

The Russian replies, "In my country, we have plenty of that."

The Mexican pulls out a bottle of Taquila, drinks some, and passes it around. When it gets back to him, he throws it overboard. The others look at him and ask why he did that?

The Mexican replies, "In my counrty, we have plenty of that."

The American looks at the Mexican hard for a moment, before walking over to him and throwing him overboard. The Russian stares at him, "Why did you do that?"

The American replies, "In my country, we have plenty of that"

. . .

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Steal my dreams and sell them back to me.....

err no.

------------------
Snail racing: (500 posts per line)

--------@%

The Massassi JO/JA Single Player contest info

I've met Bubbles, Ricky and Julian.

If you know who they are, you get a cookie.

------------------
TDiR: The Destruction is Real

George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Bill Clinton, and George Bush were on a plane. Washington takes a sack of $1 bills and starts throwing them out of the plane. Bush asks him "Why are you throwing $1's out of the plane?" Washington says "Because I know that those $1's are going to make people very happy." Then Franklin takes a sack of $100 bills and starts throwing them out of the plane. Bush asks him "Why are you throwing $100's out of the plane?" Washington says "Because I know that those $100's are going to make people very happy."
Bush says, "Well, I want to make people happy" so he threw out Clinton.
---------
A line of nuns were ready for reconciliation. Priest is ready, and calls in the first nun. The Priest says "what are your sins?" The nun says "I looked at a man's penis." The priest says "Say five Hail Mary's and wash your eyes in the holy water." The next nun comes forward. The Priest says "what are your sins?" The nun says "I touched a man's penis." The priest says "Say five Hail Mary's and wash your hands in the holy water." The next nun is coming forward, but then a nun at the back of the line dashes forward, and says "Forgive me Father for I have sinned." The priest says "What sin is so great that you had to push your sisters out of the way to get penance?" The nun says "I just wanted to confess and use the holy water before this next nun sticks her @$$ in it."
---------
A rich family goes on vacation. A thief breaks into their house and looks around for valuables. Then comes a voice "Jesus is watching you." The thief looks around and sees only a parrot, so he continues to load up on the jewelery. Then he hears the voice again "Jesus is watching you." Again, the thief looks around and only sees that parrot. He begins to finish his raid of the jewelery, and the parrot says again "Jesus is watching you."
The thief becomes frustrated and walks up to the parrot. He questions the parrot "Are you Jesus?" The parrot says "No, I'm Moses." The thief says "Well who's Jesus then?"
The parrot says "He's that rotweiler in the corner over there."

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nytfyre m0d || f33l t3h p0w3r || t3h l0st c0gz || OMF > *