I keep getting in these fights with my best friend, because he's changed, and I don't like it, and according to him, I've done something and it just sucks. So cheer me up! I order it!....Errm..I mean

Post your favorite JOKE!

Q: What's worse then seven babies in a trash can?
A: one baby in seven trash cans.

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"Ever since I was a boy, I have always kept your laws, now I want to follow you and join you in your noble cause. Jesus turned to him and said, 'Sell all you have give to the poor.' Rich young ruler hung his head, not to follow, walked instead." - Vanishing Lesson

Man Falls Asleep At Church...

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your *** !"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

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nytfyre m0d || f33l t3h p0w3r || t3h l0st c0gz || OMF > *

What's pink and can't turn around in tight spaces?

A baby with a javelin through it's head!


What's the difference between a truck load of dead babies, and a truckload of gravel?

You can't shift the gravel with a pitchfork.

*Hangs head in shame*

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If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards.

I predict this thread will suffer a very quick demise...

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Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.
:wq

Oh I've got worse, so much worse...

I just value my place here, so I'll keep tight lipped...

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If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards.

Sajn, I got dumped, by a dyke. <--- enough to bring a smile to anyones face

Otherwise

The Black Knight ALWAYS triumphs!! Habout you!!!
....

Alright we'll call it a draw.




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Yank - "English boy ay? Y'know we saved your butts in World World II!"
Brit - "Oh Yeh? Well we saved YOUR arses in World War III!!"
Yank - "Yeh thats true"

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

Did you hear about the cannibal that dumped his girlfriend?

*rimshot*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

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Titan A.E.

Heh i've seen a variation of that about a girl in sunday school. It's good.

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/fluffle

My favorite joke...
hmmm, quite a few really....

What do you call a dead atheist?
All dressed up, and nowhere to go (I believe I got that one from here a while ago)

Umm...

A blonde and a brunette are in an office, working, and their boss is out for lunch. The brunette says to the blonde "I bet you I can get the rest of the day off of work." To which the blonde replies "Oh yeah? How?" The brunette steps up onto a filing cabinet, and grabs a hold of the light fixture, and hangs on to it. Just then their boss walks in and asks the brunette "What are you doing?" To which the brunette replies "I'm a lightbulb!" The boss says tells the girl to take the rest of the day off to get some rest. As the brunette leaves, the blonde begins walking out of the office, and the boss asks "Where are you going", and the blonde replies "I can't work without a lightbulb."

Four guys walk into a bar, one ducks.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin, and throw it back.

What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A brick only gets laid once.

A cop pulls over a man for speeding, walks up the man's car, and asks for the man's license and registration. As the cop is writing the ticket, the man asks the cop
"Is it ok if I say you're an ***?" To which the cop replies "No" So the man asks "Is it ok if I think you're an ***?" To which the cop replies "Yes" so the man says "Well sir, I think you're an ***."

A cop is at the end of his shift, and pulls over one more person for speeding. The cop goes up to the car, and says to the driver "I've been waiting for you all day." To which the driver replied "Well I got here as fast as I could."

Did you hear that microsoft's main office was broken into the other day?
Yeah, the windows weren't secured, and there were too many back doors left wide open.
(stupid I know)

Did you hear about the actress who got stabbed the other day? What was her name..... Reese....... Reese, something.
Witherspoon?
No, with a knife. (Got that from bash.org, which I found here, and I believe this was also posted in that bash.org thread)

Ok, I'm done now..... Sorry if I offended anyone with them, definitely not my intentions.

I like a lot of the jokes at Ebaums World... I've laughed out loud to numerous jokes there...

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AIM ID: BlueViper192

RiP -MaDaVentor-
The Limelite