*sigh*
Some of you may know, some of you may not. I've been a pretty avid 'pro-marijuana' type of person since the age of 16. (22 now)
*sigh*
I've been on marijuana primarily for self-medication reasons. Just recently I've found out I have bi-polar with a bit of mania mixed it. I was just using mj to keep me from getting depressed and/or flipping out and loosing my cool. I had tried getting mental health help before. I was on paxil for a few months and it contained my anger to a point where it felt like it was in my brain but I couldn't access it. (which angered me more) So I turned back to pot. Then I met my wife etc etc and got off of it. A few months later, depression started hitting me again so me and the Mrs went to the Dr (for my second time) to try and get something for it.
The Dr put me on celexa, which gave me flu like symptoms. (vomiting mostly) Went back to the Dr and he thought it might be food poising or the flu, and told me to stop taking it and to try again in a week or two. (when I feel better from flu like symptoms) Tried it, had flu symptoms, stopped taking it and reverted back to mj usage.
Well, all of that happened within 2 years, 2003-2004. I was stoned for all of 2005, which back in April led to me loosing a job over it. (Only had the job for 5 days, kicked *** too )
Well anyway, here I am today, seeking help through the county mental health center. I got fed up of having to self-medicate myself via mj, running out of money and not being able to afford more, etc etc.
Well, got screened and got the semi-diagnosis of bi-polar with mania. I say semi because the social worker couldn't diagnose me with such a 'serious' diag, but was positive (seen cases like mine before) that it was the case.
That was this past wednesday. She also set me up to take Narcotics Annonomous meetings. I'm not addicted 'addicted' to pot, but pretty damn close because stress/depression makes me want it. NA is to have me clean and sober for the medication that I'll be taking when I see the therapist and they prescribe it to me. It's also to help me with the "I'M SO ***** TIRED OF POT BUT I WANT IT" stuff going on in my head atm.
Well, here's the deal of this post:
My best friend since 7th grade has been a major factor in me starting and liking pot. I have to distance myself away from him (and other factors) so I have a minimal craving for it. Well, his mom (also a major mj user for medical reasons) is kind of a mediator between me and him if things get hairy.
Well, the Mrs and her are like girlfriends and whatnot, so she told his mom what was going on and to relay it to him. Well, I got a voice mail message from him basically saying "I heard you were spreadin mine and Mama's buisness all around mental health. That **** ain't cool and if it's true, we're gonna have problems."
I got instantly pissed at him (something that just doesn't happen) and called him back. He answered with a disgruntled "Hello?" and I started my piece: "I didn't say your name, I didn't say your mama's name. I'm going through a really terrible terrible terribly hard time right now, so thanks for jumping my **** for nothing." Then he retorted: "That's not what Linda told Mama!"
All this crap started going through my head about an earlier situation, where his mom fronted me some $30 in weed and I'd have the money to them on the 1st. There was $10 mixed in there somewhere that was going to them before the 1st (cuz I had it) but it wouldn't be on the day I said it would be, because of issues and whatnot. Linda (the Mrs) talked to his mom about it and she understood. (I guess) We get a phone call from my friend and he's livid that I can't pay him on the 1st. I was like "wtf dude? that's not the case" and then he was like "Oh."
Well, in that instant when he said "That's not what Linda told Mama!" all that flashed through my head, and I wanted to say something along the lines of "GOD DAMN ****ING GRAPE VINE ****, WTF WTF WTF?!?!?!" but couldn't. I wound up just kinda yelling/grunting and hung up on him.
I'm so totally pissed at A) Him taking things the wrong way and twisting them around in his head to suit his perception of reality OR B) His mom for being such a god damn stoner, that she can't remember what ****ing day it is.
So now I'm like "**** 'em" and could really care less what happens now between me and him. He just kinda shrugged off my attempts at seeking mental health (before Wed), said **** about "It's not going to work" (he himself went, BUT NEVER TOLD THEM HE WAS USING POT!!!!!) and basically didn't care.
Am I wrong to be totally pissed off??
Some of you may know, some of you may not. I've been a pretty avid 'pro-marijuana' type of person since the age of 16. (22 now)
*sigh*
I've been on marijuana primarily for self-medication reasons. Just recently I've found out I have bi-polar with a bit of mania mixed it. I was just using mj to keep me from getting depressed and/or flipping out and loosing my cool. I had tried getting mental health help before. I was on paxil for a few months and it contained my anger to a point where it felt like it was in my brain but I couldn't access it. (which angered me more) So I turned back to pot. Then I met my wife etc etc and got off of it. A few months later, depression started hitting me again so me and the Mrs went to the Dr (for my second time) to try and get something for it.
The Dr put me on celexa, which gave me flu like symptoms. (vomiting mostly) Went back to the Dr and he thought it might be food poising or the flu, and told me to stop taking it and to try again in a week or two. (when I feel better from flu like symptoms) Tried it, had flu symptoms, stopped taking it and reverted back to mj usage.
Well, all of that happened within 2 years, 2003-2004. I was stoned for all of 2005, which back in April led to me loosing a job over it. (Only had the job for 5 days, kicked *** too )
Well anyway, here I am today, seeking help through the county mental health center. I got fed up of having to self-medicate myself via mj, running out of money and not being able to afford more, etc etc.
Well, got screened and got the semi-diagnosis of bi-polar with mania. I say semi because the social worker couldn't diagnose me with such a 'serious' diag, but was positive (seen cases like mine before) that it was the case.
That was this past wednesday. She also set me up to take Narcotics Annonomous meetings. I'm not addicted 'addicted' to pot, but pretty damn close because stress/depression makes me want it. NA is to have me clean and sober for the medication that I'll be taking when I see the therapist and they prescribe it to me. It's also to help me with the "I'M SO ***** TIRED OF POT BUT I WANT IT" stuff going on in my head atm.
Well, here's the deal of this post:
My best friend since 7th grade has been a major factor in me starting and liking pot. I have to distance myself away from him (and other factors) so I have a minimal craving for it. Well, his mom (also a major mj user for medical reasons) is kind of a mediator between me and him if things get hairy.
Well, the Mrs and her are like girlfriends and whatnot, so she told his mom what was going on and to relay it to him. Well, I got a voice mail message from him basically saying "I heard you were spreadin mine and Mama's buisness all around mental health. That **** ain't cool and if it's true, we're gonna have problems."
I got instantly pissed at him (something that just doesn't happen) and called him back. He answered with a disgruntled "Hello?" and I started my piece: "I didn't say your name, I didn't say your mama's name. I'm going through a really terrible terrible terribly hard time right now, so thanks for jumping my **** for nothing." Then he retorted: "That's not what Linda told Mama!"
All this crap started going through my head about an earlier situation, where his mom fronted me some $30 in weed and I'd have the money to them on the 1st. There was $10 mixed in there somewhere that was going to them before the 1st (cuz I had it) but it wouldn't be on the day I said it would be, because of issues and whatnot. Linda (the Mrs) talked to his mom about it and she understood. (I guess) We get a phone call from my friend and he's livid that I can't pay him on the 1st. I was like "wtf dude? that's not the case" and then he was like "Oh."
Well, in that instant when he said "That's not what Linda told Mama!" all that flashed through my head, and I wanted to say something along the lines of "GOD DAMN ****ING GRAPE VINE ****, WTF WTF WTF?!?!?!" but couldn't. I wound up just kinda yelling/grunting and hung up on him.
I'm so totally pissed at A) Him taking things the wrong way and twisting them around in his head to suit his perception of reality OR B) His mom for being such a god damn stoner, that she can't remember what ****ing day it is.
So now I'm like "**** 'em" and could really care less what happens now between me and him. He just kinda shrugged off my attempts at seeking mental health (before Wed), said **** about "It's not going to work" (he himself went, BUT NEVER TOLD THEM HE WAS USING POT!!!!!) and basically didn't care.
Am I wrong to be totally pissed off??
-Hell Raiser