I, [name removed out of respect for the deceased], do declare this to be my last will and testament. If you're all reading this, that means that I am no longer alive. The purpose of this document is to explain my reasons for suicide and to divide up all of my worldly possessions among my closest (Ha... hahahaha...) friends here at Massassi.
After years of faithful service to the Massassi community, it has simply become too much. The lack of "fly" posts from Jiggiest, the lack of sextacular pictures of Zully, the painful lack of communication with the latin luvar Enrrrrrique Diaz; all of this has pushed me over the edge. And so I stand here, can of 7 year old (and horribly tainted) Hillshire Farms Li'l Smokies in hand, ready to end my life. With each bite of these fuzzy, mold-covered sausages, I look back on my days at Massassi. Creating horrible models (you all remember the Saiga), getting addicted to alcohol and cigarettes, etc. All I can do now is give out my last material possessions and rest in piece.
To kak, my close friend and ally: I leave you my entire collection of alcoholic beverages. May it serve you well.
To zully, my little zullykins: I leave you my stash of cigarettes and [names of substances have been censored]. May you never remeber where you put those car keys. Oh, and ride that pocket asian.
To Sine, the one who never let me baselessly feel good about myself: my collection of bronzed swedish meatballs. I loved them in life, I hope you will too.
To Cavey, that crazy Finn: all of the models, fully textured and implemented into JK, I made for Dark Fist.*
To the rest of Massassi: I give every one of you a single condom, filled with a small amount of my spooge, in the hopes that someday some of you will clone me so that my legacy may live on.**
GOODBYE, FRIENDS AND ENEMIES ALIKE.
* = Hahahahaha, yeah right. I'M TAKIN' THEM TO THE GRAVE, PUNK!
** = Not to be ingested or placed in close proximity to the eyes, nose or throat. Do not give to children under the age of 14.
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"A drug person can learn to handle such things as seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth. But no one should be asked to deal with this trip."
-Raoul Duke, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
After years of faithful service to the Massassi community, it has simply become too much. The lack of "fly" posts from Jiggiest, the lack of sextacular pictures of Zully, the painful lack of communication with the latin luvar Enrrrrrique Diaz; all of this has pushed me over the edge. And so I stand here, can of 7 year old (and horribly tainted) Hillshire Farms Li'l Smokies in hand, ready to end my life. With each bite of these fuzzy, mold-covered sausages, I look back on my days at Massassi. Creating horrible models (you all remember the Saiga), getting addicted to alcohol and cigarettes, etc. All I can do now is give out my last material possessions and rest in piece.
To kak, my close friend and ally: I leave you my entire collection of alcoholic beverages. May it serve you well.
To zully, my little zullykins: I leave you my stash of cigarettes and [names of substances have been censored]. May you never remeber where you put those car keys. Oh, and ride that pocket asian.
To Sine, the one who never let me baselessly feel good about myself: my collection of bronzed swedish meatballs. I loved them in life, I hope you will too.
To Cavey, that crazy Finn: all of the models, fully textured and implemented into JK, I made for Dark Fist.*
To the rest of Massassi: I give every one of you a single condom, filled with a small amount of my spooge, in the hopes that someday some of you will clone me so that my legacy may live on.**
GOODBYE, FRIENDS AND ENEMIES ALIKE.
* = Hahahahaha, yeah right. I'M TAKIN' THEM TO THE GRAVE, PUNK!
** = Not to be ingested or placed in close proximity to the eyes, nose or throat. Do not give to children under the age of 14.
------------------
"A drug person can learn to handle such things as seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth. But no one should be asked to deal with this trip."
-Raoul Duke, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
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