Random cool quotes from http://www.brainyquote.com
Post your own. (note, these are all regarding religion, cause that's where I started)

"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do."
-Anne Lamott

"No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means."
-George Bernard Shaw

"Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There's a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning."
-Bill Gates

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
-Galileo Galilei

From just now on Never Mind the Buzzcocks - Huey from the Fun Lovin' Criminals:

If you can't smoke it, inhale it or eat it:
-Screw it.

Made me chuckle

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Groucho Marx

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.
Groucho Marx

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Groucho Marx

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
Groucho Marx

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
Groucho Marx

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
Groucho Marx

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Groucho Marx


<3 Groucho

well there are the ones in my sig, but also

In the end, we will not remember the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.
-MLK

How long a minute takes depends on which side of the bathroom you're on
-I don't know

Don't frown, you never know who may be falling in love with your smile

Kaylee: "Everybody's got somebody..." (wistfully) "Wash, tell me I'm pretty..."
Wash: "Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion."
Kaylee: " 'Cause I'm pretty?"
Wash: " 'Cause you're pretty."

"Lifetime Television For Women, and unemployed men…"

Lund: You didn't toast? Y'know, I'm thinkin' you one of them independents
Mal: And I'm thinkin' you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling. So why don't we just ignore each other, til we go away?

Renault: I am shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here
Croupier: your winnings sir

"I've already given him the best, knowing he is German and would take it anyway"

Renault: If he gets a word in edgewise, it'll be a major Italian victory

And my personal favorite, said by one of my friends:
"I want to be the direct object, 'cause it recieves the action!"

"The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either."
-Ben Franklin

hehe, Kaylee's my favorite.

"Good work Laguna!"
"Mission successful."
"Here, have a seat.
"I didn't think you'd actually do it. Our popularity rating's gone up a point."
"Yeah, but you cut a pretty pitiful figure up there. I'd say you were a -3 on the manliness scale."
-- Kiros and Ward talking about Laguna

"Oh well... Nothing cheaper than something free."
"Nothing cheaper..."
"... Than something free?"
-- Laguna, Kiros and Ward

"They say, one who makes fun of a genius will end up cryin' in the end."
"So who's the... genius?"
-- Laguna and Ward

"It's like killing two pigs with one stone. I am just so awesome... genius, I tell you..."
"Pigs?"
"Don't you mean... birds?"
-- Laguna, Ward and Kiros

"What do you want?"
"A donut."
-- Avellone and the Vault Dweller

"I am the bringer of death. Fall to your knees and beg for mercy... Or give me a sandwich, I'm pretty hungry."
-- The Vault Dweller

"Do I have to sacrifice a puppie to join?"
-- The Vault Dweller

"You'd think there's only ten kinds of people in the world. Way I figure it, there was some big cloning accident in the past."
-- Mason

"Apples rule. If it weren't for a conspiracy on the part of fruit manufacturers we'd all have apples."
-- Wooz

"Is that a REAL robot?"
"Yeah, but don't bother it. I think it wants to destroy the human race."
-- Wright kid and The Chosen One

"Now I suppose you're going to tell me you're just out looking for a water chip. Do I look dumb?"
-- Enclave patrolman

Aaah, comedy from BIS, Interplay and Squaresoft.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." --Jim Elliott

Heres some from my favourite show, The Mighty Boosh.

Howard: What are you doing?
Vince: [handing a magazine to a bear] Giving him something to read!
Howard: He's a russian bear!
Vince: So what?
Howard: Give him some chekhov.

Vince: Look at this one!
Naboo: Don't touch that!
Vince: All right! Easy!
Naboo: This is black magic. This is hardcore. Don't mess with the occult.
Vince: I thought it was good for you.
Naboo: What?
Vince: Well, you know, good for your digestive system.
Naboo: That's Yakult!
Vince: Oh, yeah...

Howard: Just imagine the headlines 'Howard Moon, Colon, Explorer'. Got a nice ring to it.
Vince: Colon Explorer? I think that's got the wrong ring to it.

Ya.

My favourite Groucho quote:
'I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception'

"Unless there is some infinte, unchanging point of reference, every question is unanswerable and ultimatly meaningless."
- Tom Nelson

"If wishes were horses we'd all be eatin' steak."
-Jayne

"Once a concept is understood and becomes second nature, then corners can be cut."

"Well, it doesn't make sense to me but then you are very small and you may be right."
-Treebeard

"Well you know what they say, people in glass houses s-s-sink s-s-ships!"
- Doc

"I'll have a Coke!"
- Papa Joe

"I hope your conscience is clear, irishman!"
- Ivan Checkov

<3 boondock

Tyler: "OK: any historic figure."
Jack: "I'd fight Gandhi."
Tyler: "Good answer."

Jack: Marla, that little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you can't.
-Fight Club


Donnie: [shouts] "First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, well, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have... reproductive organs under those tiny, white pants. It's just so illogical, about being a Smurf, you know? I mean, what's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?"
Sean Smith: [pause] "Dammit, Donnie. Why you gotta get all smart on us?"

Donnie: "Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?"
Frank: "Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?"

Seth Devlin: "Did you call the ****ing cops?"
Donnie: "Deus ex machina..."
Seth Devlin: "What did you say? What the **** did you just say?"
Donnie: "Our saviour. "

Donnie: "I think you're the ****ing Antichrist."

-Donnie Darko

There's more, just don't feel like putting them down.

And all of Genk's. Groucho Marx is awesome.

"The only true knowledge consists in knowing that we know nothing."
- Socrates

"All we are is dust in the wind."
- Kansas


/air guitar

"I will choose a path that's clear, I will choose free will"
-Rush


"Why are we here? Because we're here"
-Rush


"I mean to confound these bungers. Take my shot at getting to Miranda. Maybe find something I can use to get clear of this. So I hear a word out of any of you that ain't helping me out or taking your leave, I will shoot you down. Get to work!"
-Malcom Reynolds


Oh, and:

"Fruity Oaty Bars! Make a man out of a mouse! Fruity Oaty Bars! Make you bust out of your blouse! Eat them all the time! Let them blow your mind...ohh! Fruity Oaty Bars!"
-Fruity Oaty Bars Jingle


-----------------------------


Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: But it ain't all buttons and charts, little albatross. You know what the first rule of flyin' is? Well I suppose you do, since you already know what I'm about to say.

River Tam: I do. But I like to hear you say it.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: Love. You can know all the math in the 'Verse, but take a boat in the air you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down, tells ya she's hurtin' 'fore she keens. Makes her home.

River Tam: Storm's getting worse.

Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: We'll pass through it soon enough.

"Follow, and receive the gift you are owed by the blood in your veins. Follow, if only to protect the weak that fell because of you."
- Irenicus (Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn)

"Free! The will of Cyric shall descend upon this weakened city like... like... like some suitable metaphor I'll think of later! Oh yes, fear my coming retort!"
- Jared (Neverwinter Nights)

"This reminds me of when we first met."
"I was inside the locker that time. We're equal now, huh?"
"Not unless I wet my pants."
- Snake and Otacon (Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty)

"Remember Operation Desert Storm? Those surgical hits made by our smart bombs, covered so well on CNN? It was my men on the ground that made those hits possible by lasing the targets. Twenty of them were left to rot outside Baghdad after the conflict ended. No benefits were paid to their families. No medals conferred. These men died for their country, and they weren't even given a goddamn military burial. The situation is unacceptable."
- General Francis Hummel (The Rock)

"The living...may not hear them. Their voices...may fall upon deaf ears. But make no mistake: the dead are not silent."
- The Sorrow (Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater)

"Snake!"
"What?"
"Are you smoking a cigarette?"
"Nope."
"Yes you are."
"It's not a cigarette, it's a cigar."
"Same thing."
"Not at all. In fact, there's a world of difference. There's nothing quite like the rich smell and mellow flavor of a cigar. And that thick, luxurious smoke is almost sensual when it..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. You know something?"
"Probably not, but I don't want to hear it."
"Well, you don't have a choice."
"..."
"Cigarettes are bad for you."
"It's not a cigarette, it's a..."
"Quiet, you!"
- Para-Medic and Snake (Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater)

I'd better stop. This is already going to be a long post because of that last one

All of these are random stuffs that have originated with my friends and me.

"You said I could waste ammo."
"Yes, but you should waste it more responsibly"
"You are going to die at the hands of the DataDyne dork squad"

"Jesus wasn't a carpenter... there was no wood back then"
"What about the boats?"
"Imported from China"
"So if Jesus wasn't a carpenter, he was...?
"Communist?"

"Crap muffins, poopheads, and flying pajamas!"

"Holy buttmuffins and monkeys with their pants inside out!"

"If I've been following Jesus all my life, does that make me a stalker?"

"But... But...!"
"But nothing! Butts are for poop!"

"What about a one-tentacled octopus?"
"That's not even a creature... that's an oversized sperm cell"

"I found something fun to do in the bathroom!"

"Okay, the only one who hasn't taken the library tour is Angelique"
"I told you, I took it last semester"
"Okay... I'm gonna buy that... just because I really don't care"

"You have naked knees"
"Is that a problem? Is my knee too sexy for you?"
(there was a hole in the knee of her pants)

"Lifting this TV was a pain in the b****!"

"I've never been so certain that the computer was wrong"

"So... how long have you been Colin's cousin?"
(My old roommate had a one-of-a-kind sense of humor :))

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" - Many different characters, Star Wars

Did I... like... kill this thread?

Keep the thread alive!

Unix is sexy:
[root]:
gawk;
who | grep -i girl | talk;
date;
cd ~;
wine;
touch;
unzip;
touch;
strip;
gasp;
finger;
gasp;
mount;
fsck;
more;
yes;
gasp;
umount;
make clean;
make mrproper;
sleep;

yes you did. *******.

Anyway, speaking of Rush quotes, check out my signature.

oh, and...

Disney:

What? A LLAMA?! He's supposed to be DEAD!
Yeah... weird.

Listen up, big guy. I've got three good reasons why you should just walk away. Reason # 1. Look at that sissy, stringy music thing.
We've been through this. It's a harp, and you know it.
Yeah, that's a harp... And that's a dress.
ROBE.

"Uh....it's exactly what it looks like."
-Peter Griffin

"No matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close. "

"I wanted to write about the moment when your addictions no longer hide the truth from you. When your whole life breaks down. That's the moment when you have to somehow choose what your life is going to be about."

"If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't."

"The first step - especially for young people with energy and drive and talent, but not money - the first step to controlling your world is to control your culture. To model and demonstrate the kind of world you demand to live in. To write the books. Make the music. Shoot the films. Paint the art."

"What we call chaos is just patterns we haven't recognized. What we call random is just patterns we can't decipher. What we can't understand we call nonsense. What we can't read we call gibberish. There is no free will. There are no variables. There is only the inevitable. "

"You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be."

<3 Chuck Palahniuk

"He hated hospitals, but they certainly beat aliens harvesting his testicles."
- from the novel Angels & Demons.

One of the best parts of the movie, his introduction:

"Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."

"Is this dying? Is this all? Is this what I feared when I prayed against a hard death? Oh, I can bear this! I can bear this!"
-Cotton Mather, 1663-1728 (His last words supposedly)

"I know you've come to kill me. Shoot, coward, you're only going to kill a man!"

-Che Guevara

"If I can't dance, it's not my revolution"

-Emma Goldman this one is more just attributed to her though, it's based of something in one of her books, but it makes for a good quote

Kind of cliche, but:

"This is how the world ends / This is how the world ends / Not with a bang, but with a whimper."
-TS Eliot.

Where's the kaboom?

"Speaking of passionately, the moral of this song is that if you make out with a member of a hardcore gang, he’ll probably leave you alone because he is most likely a homophobe." - Jeff Rosenstock on "Happy Anterrabae Day"

I saw this on a guys profile on myspace, not exactly sure where it came from but I love it

"remember a statue was once a stone that had to take many hits"

so true so true, good way of putting things, there are downs and bumps in the road, but all a part of the journey

haha i love that quote!

Malcolm Reynolds: It's my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of 'im, was one kind son of a ***** or another.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

-Terry Pratchett

Don't say it was "delightful"; make us say "delightful" when we've read the description. You see, all those words (horrifying, wonderful, hideous, exquisite) are only like saying to your readers "Please will you do the job for me."

Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say "infinitely" when you mean "very"; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite.

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, "What! You too? I thought I was the only one!"

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning.

If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this.

Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere.

The safest road to hell is the gradual one - the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.

C.S. Lewis

-Classics.

Speaking of Terry Pratchett:

"Gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at."

"The trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to."

"You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink."

[quote=Dalai Lama]This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.[/quote]

[quote=John Morley]Where it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat.[/quote]

[quote=Friedrich Nietzsche]The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.[/quote]

.

Which Dalai Lama?

Also, that Nietzsche quote is disturbingly ignorant.

Indeed. CS Lewis on the other hand is a freakin stud,

Ignorant or not, I like it. There must be some portion of truth to it.

there may be some truth to it. But it would probably be more accurate to say "the religious resolution" or something. Can't blame everything on the christians.

That said, it's the nature of the world that's made it bad and ugly. Is that quote suggesting that if Christians hadn't been around to say "Thou Shall Not Kill" then killing wouldn't be bad and/or ugly? We'd still do it.

[edit]

Oh, and also, the very tenant of Christianity is that the world is a beautiful and awesome creation. It's us who have tainted it.
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