25 Things Women Wish Men Would Figure Out
by Laura Snyder

All the stuff we expect you to know without our telling you.

• Saying "I love you" before, during or after sex doesn't count.
• When we ask you how we look, "fine" is not an appropriate answer.
• We obsess over whether you'll call from the moment we give you our number.
• We fantasize. But it's usually about you.
• We love it when you email us at work.
• No matter how cool we seem about it, if you did something bad, we're pissed off.
• Don't patronize us by asking if our bad mood is because of PMS.
• Don't ever tell us what to do, even when we ask you to.
• We will leave you if you lie to us.
• We're unimpressed by men who don't take the lead. Be a man, dammit!
• We love it when you hold our hands.
• We need to hear how you feel about us. Tell us right now. And again in ten minutes.
• We want to be the best thing that ever happened to you -- and for you to know it.
• If we don't feel loved, we'll start looking elsewhere.
• Don't talk about your ex. Ever.
• We like porn, too.
• We remember everything about our relationships. Yes, everything.
• We let you fix things.
• You're sexiest when you're: sweating, driving, shaving, or holding a baby.
• We've faked it.
• Groping and foreplay are not the same thing.
• While we're on the subject: more foreplay!
• If we're not having sex it's because: we feel fat; we don't feel very close to you, or we are punishing you for not doing something our way.
• We're afraid to meet your mother.
• We think you should have already known all this stuff.
  

C'mon, you guys should know at least one or two of these....right?

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I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

[url="mailto:Bruintone@netscape.net"]mailto:Bruintone@netscape.net[/url]Bruintone@netscape.net</A>
Yahoo! Name : jedibruintone77

"We're people too."

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[16:38] Correction: dick tracy was a real man
[16:38] happydud: Actually... He wasn't.
[19:08] Dormouse: hi, my name's happydud and i'm passive-aggress.. SHUTUP!! *stabs nearby orphan*
[You have gained 3 Dark Side Points]

Youd think so, but no.

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Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.
:wq

What are women?

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"His Will Was Set, And Only Death Would Break It"

"None knows what the new day shall bring him"

One of those needs to be changed. It should be "We like porn too. Just not when we burst in on you watching it and rubbing the monkey."

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The sooner you realize I'm right the better off you will be.

[This message has been edited by Kieran Horn (edited June 16, 2004).]

sexy beasts

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[teletubbie voice] BIG HUG!!!! [/teletubbie voice]

We are sexy when driving. Do you hear that guys? Get out of your pussy automatic and get a real man's car!

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WOOSH|-----@%

Saying "I love you" before, during or after sex doesn't count.

this is when we love you the most

When we ask you how we look, "fine" is not an appropriate answer.

fine is an appropriate answer...first of all we usually don't give a crap... second you want an objective opinion? ask an objective third party

We obsess over whether you'll call from the moment we give you our number.

seek. therapy. just kidding... it's the same thing at our end

We fantasize. But it's usually about you.

wow my BS meter exploded

We love it when you email us at work.

some of us do too... it gives us something to do other than work

No matter how cool we seem about it, if you did something bad, we're pissed off.

same thing... it's just we generally forgive and forget

Don't patronize us by asking if our bad mood is because of PMS.

because it is *ducks*

Don't ever tell us what to do, even when we ask you to.

then don't try to tell us what to do

We will leave you if you lie to us.

back to forgive and forget

We're unimpressed by men who don't take the lead. Be a man, dammit!

if we don't know what we are doing then we will fail

We love it when you hold our hands.

some of us like to... but not all the time

We need to hear how you feel about us. Tell us right now. And again in ten minutes.

the answer will be the same

We want to be the best thing that ever happened to you -- and for you to know it.

but what about the time i learned i can open a beer bottle with my belly button?

If we don't feel loved, we'll start looking elsewhere.

really? can i do the same? how about we all meet together? i'll bring the camera!

Don't talk about your ex. Ever.

well that depends... sometimes it's best to TALK ABOUT IT TO SOMEONE

We like porn, too.

romance novels don't count

We remember everything about our relationships. Yes, everything.

We forgive and forget... or just block it out... it's called moving on

We let you fix things.

call a professional... we may think we know how to fix it... but when we fix the gas leak and the house explodes DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT IT WHEN WE GET TO HELL

You're sexiest when you're: sweating, driving, shaving, or holding a baby.

you're sexiest when you are naked and horny

We've faked it.

WE CAN'T!

Groping and foreplay are not the same thing.

i couldn't agree more...

While we're on the subject: more foreplay!

come over to my house

If we're not having sex it's because: we feel fat; we don't feel very close to you, or we are punishing you for not doing something our way.

you probably are *ducks*, then MOVE CLOSER, if your way was the right way we would do it your way *ducks again*

We're afraid to meet your mother.

we hate your mother

We think you should have already known all this stuff.

WE DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING... but we think we do

most my points are valid... some thrown in because i have no good answer




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LONG LIVE DREAMCAST!!!

I would like to comment on a few other things.
If she is being literal, that screams of insecurity on her part.

...........does anyone else see the huge problem here?

Just wanted to emphasis that.

oh, and, DrkJedi.....that was so damn funny. I can't stop laughing.

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The sooner you realize I'm right the better off you will be.

My favorite, Drk:


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Steal my dreams and sell them back to me.....

[This message has been edited by Bounty Hunter 4 hire (edited June 16, 2004).]

They're all so true

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I'm not an actor. I just play one on TV.

If only I had know those a little bit earlier...

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"Bantha's are filthy animals.......I don't eat filthy animals."

"Laugh it up Fuzzball!"
-Han Solo

[This message has been edited by Trigger Happy Chewie (edited June 16, 2004).]

There are 2 theories about how women operate...

Neither of them are true.

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I can't think of anything to put here right now.

Men's 5 Biggest Complaints About Women
By Laura Snyder

We know you've been reading all those women's magazines looking for ways to turn your guy into the perfect man, but we've got news for you. There are a few adjustments he wouldn't mind making to you. Here, his five biggest complaints.

• You Gossip
  
  He doesn't get the perverse pleasure you find in criticizing a complete stranger's weight, clothes and hair. And is there some kind of secret girl crime committed if her shoes don't match her handbag? Your own friends are even immune to your attacks. The men we spoke with suggested you swap your catty remarks with something more constructive, like mud wrestling.
• You Can Be Too Needy
  
  Part of the reason he tunes you out so frequently is because he's tired of your unabating need for his reassurance of how special you are, how solid the relationship is, and how trustworthy he is. Maybe you could just let him leave the house a few times without giving him the third degree over where he's going, who he'll be with and when he'll be back.
• You Test Us
  
  From the classic "What are you thinking?" to the dangerous "Is she prettier than I am?," he feels like you're always testing him with trick questions to determine if you're really soulmates. Just once he'd like to give you an honest answer. (And that's "nothing" and "yes", in that order).
• You Did Let Yourself Go
  
  Oh, you claim you haven't, and you can even point out that you still have all that sexy lingerie (which you never wear), but you're not nearly the dolled-up sex kitten you were when you two started dating. Yes, you can be cute all curled up in our old sweats without make-up, but he doesn't really want to see you with that facial bleach stuff on. Ever.
• You Use Sex As a Weapon
  
  He thinks it's so evil the way you can withhold nookie when you're annoyed with him. It's even worse when you do it in conjunction with that whole "I'm not mad" thing when he knows you are (he just don't know why). Maybe next time he'll hold out on you.
  

Yeah, you're right. That'll never work.


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I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

[url="mailto:Bruintone@netscape.net"]mailto:Bruintone@netscape.net[/url]Bruintone@netscape.net</A>
Yahoo! Name : jedibruintone77

No. Women forgive, but never forget. Men forget, but never forgive.

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Tia mi aven Moridin isainde vadin
http://www.writings-emag.net The next big thing since individually wrapped cheese slices (coming soon).

DrkJedi -- OMFG. hilarious!
My two favorites



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nytfyre m0d || f33l t3h p0w3r || t3h l0st c0gz || OMF > *

But if they forget then they forgive too. I mean, you can't hold a grudge for something you can't remember.

Golden words.

Also, I think that list should be renamed to 'what men already know about women but don't give a crap because we don't live only to please you.'

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WAITER: Here’s your green salad, sir.
ANAKIN: What? You fool, I told you NO CROUTONS! Aaaaaaargh!

no hes right, when men are reminded of something that happened ages ago they get all mad about it again

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[teletubbie voice] BIG HUG!!!! [/teletubbie voice]

I only don't forgive if I feel I've been wronged and not apologized to. But, yes, I hold grudges. I admit it.

Also, a note: guys are not at their sexiest when sweaty. My sister dated a football player, and she always kept a nice 5-foot distance from him after games and practice until he showered.

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<ubuu> does hitler have a last name?
<jipe> .. yes, Ubuu, we're racist commy nazi jews, and we hate male pattern baldness
<Professor`K> Sorry, but half-way through your logic, my head exploded

if only one person in the relationsip is sweaty, that isant good. but if both people involved are sweaty, then it doesent matter much, you both stink together.

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IMPORTANT NOTICE PLEASE READ

Employees dying on the job are faling to fall down. THIS PRACTICE MUST STOP as it becmes impossible to distinguish between death and the natural movement of he staf.

Any employee found dead in an upright position will be dropped from the payroll.

After a tough workout during one of our hot days I specifically tell people (men and women) to keep back for the saftey of their nostrils. I felt bad for my CS 211 classmates. I had class RIGHT AFTER cross country practice.

Wolvie's right. I hate being reminded of something I did long ago. That was past, this is now. But I try not to forget for I use it as my defense.

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Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat.

We love it when you email us at work.
Yeah, but I get fired if you email me at work, so stop it. Plus, I'm being paid to work, not email you.

You're sexiest when you're: sweating, driving, shaving, or holding a baby.
Good God. I saw a dude with a baby in a baby backpack and another baby in his hands and he looked like a complete **ssy. No thanks.

We think you should have already known all this stuff.
And that's why you will continue to date "jerks" - you simply refuse to understand that WE CANNOT READ YOUR MINDS. Hell, I'm at an even worse disadvantage, my girlfriend's mind is in another language!

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EvilMagic.net: Brian's Web Log

Have I told you recently how much I love you? I want you so badly it hurts...

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Roach - Caught in the war of hemispheres.
0 of 14.

That sounds so romantic.

This thread needs to be archived whenever it dies.

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"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke

"Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right." -Isaac Asimov

No way. This thread isn't nearly as good as the one where someone said the female reproductive system looked like a lobster, and nobody archived that.

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Dude I've seen girls and I've seen lobsters, and that is totally a lobster.

-Correction

I think this list only applies to the more "nutso" women and the extremely low-self-esteem ones. There's some pretty negative sweeping generalizations in there that certainly don't apply to all woman. Only a literally insane person would have all those traits.

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Have a good one,
Freelancer

Awwww..how romantic

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No signature for you.

that post made me laugh so hard and ive had a sh***y day so thanks elana

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[teletubbie voice] BIG HUG!!!! [/teletubbie voice]

OK this list isn't too bad, I mean compared to the other **** I used to get in my email before I told teenage girls to stop ****ing sending me them it's actually quite good. This does however on the whole show up more womens insecurities than mens inabilities.

And if women withold sex and retain the right to leave someone at any point (read: when they're on) then they should think about how bad they would feel if you left them straight away or stopped doing things for them. They can withold sex if they want but the guy could just, I dunno, withold his wallet?

And if you've faked it, then tell us, we'll get over it and you should have told us how to do it in the first place. It's not that we're too stupid to figure it out, it's that we don't have the same genetalia as you and you can be just as bad when challenged to do more than lie down. Please tell me if I'm out of line here but sometimes women seriously need to shutup. If they want something they should ask for it, not demand it, and if they don't ask for it then they shouldn't expect to get it, and if they do they should be genuinely pleased (this doesn't mean sex, because guys actually do like to just see a real smile from time to time).

Oh this one's just great...

"If we don't feel loved, we'll start looking elsewhere."

And then you withold sex and stuff like that? I'm not saying that you need to have sex or something in a relationship but girls can seriously go ages without making a guy feel loved and then when they realise they haven't been treating him right they have a go at him. Well maybe we'll go elsewhere to someone who's more emotionally developed and stable.

Now as I've said this list isn't as bad as the "Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do" but it's still just a display of female insecurity and irrationality at its best.

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tristan is the best friend of the jedi

"I am the signature virus! Copy me into your signature so that I can take over the world! Moohahahee!"

http://maddox.xmission.com/26_things.html

A maddox for every situation.

Pretty much, I was gonna include it but I couldn't be bothered to find it.

Oh, and "We've faked it", "We'll leave you if you lie."

We put two and two together and dump you.

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tristan is the best friend of the jedi

"I am the signature virus! Copy me into your signature so that I can take over the world! Moohahahee!"

[This message has been edited by Jagged Conscience (edited June 18, 2004).]

Top 20 things men wish women would do:

1. Make us a sandwich, and know what kind without asking us.
2. Take your shirt off when no one is home. We’re not wearing one either...
3. Don’t touch our car. You’ve got a 20,000 dollar mini-van for a reason.
4. Whatever we did that you’re *****ing about now, we don’t know what it is. Most of us don’t care, either.
5. If he’s only your guy-friend, why is your lipstick all over his face? I don’t make out with my guy-friends... [often]
6. You look fine. We probably don’t care how you look, and just want to get to the damn location so everyone can tell you just how beautiful you really do look, then eat, and then leave.
7. We’re sleeping for a reason: We don’t want to listen to you talk. Beds are for loving, and sleeping. Not talking.
8. Make us another sandwich, this list is getting longer than we‘d expected.
10. We DIDN’T read the book, and we really don’t CARE what Dr. Phil’s advice is. We’re having a hard enough time getting to sleep with that god damned reading light on, not to mention your explanation of the 72 and a half day weight challenge, re-vamped for each chapter.
11. We haven’t seen the movie yet either. Maybe if you would just sit in your god damned seat and watch the whole first half without peeing, going for popcorn, calling your sister to tell her something you just remembered, or getting something from the car, you’d know what the hell was going on in the god damned movie.
12. It’s not cute. Whatever pathetic picture of an animal your ex forwarded you isn’t as cute as the pile of papers sitting at the end of our desk.
13. You’re home all day, why don’t YOU get the ****ing milk next time you go out?
14. No, our boss will NOT let me off early so I can tape Dr. Phil.
15. We’re thinking about you making us a sandwich, right about now. *That’s* what we’re thinking about.
16. If she didn’t look prettier than you, do you think we would have watched her walk from one end of the room to the other without blinking?
17. She comes back to life and kills the ***** who initially killed her, then sleeps with both that *****‘s man, and her old man, who are probably the same people. Now let’s turn the game back on.
18. Don’t talk out of turn, then accuse us of that exact same thing.
19. We don’t care what you think, neither our **** or our tongue bend that way. Put that sex book down, and make us a sandwich.
20. The bred is on top of the refrigerator
[by me]

JediKirby

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-Proud Leader of the Minnessassian Council
<]-[ellequin> Nothing is quite as satisfying as placing a .177 lead pellet in between the eyes of a cat.
<]-[ellequin> I think I will leave it's corpse there, to warn all the other cats to keep out of my hibiscus patch

Live on, Adam.

you don't date much, do you?

And you call me a misogynist, jedikirby? Funny stuff though.

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The sooner you realize I'm right the better off you will be.

They are devices built by the Lord God for our entertainment. [/Peter Griffin]



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Genesis 22:2-5 - And God said unto Abraham "You must kill your son, Isaac." And Abraham said "What? I can't hear you! You'll have to speak into the microphone." And God said "Check, check, check, check. Jerry, can you pull the high end out. I'm getting some hiss up here."
Valuable Life Lesson: Frog + Potato Gun = Blindness
Catalog of Electronic Components - Complete IC data sheets
National Electrical Code® (NEC®) Online - Legal requirements for wiring projects.

Read my post again, Kieran. I'm not the one putting them down by publishing that bull****.

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Have a good one,
Freelancer

Aside from that list being pretty accurate (aside from a few that I think were just put in there to make guys feel good, like the "We obsess about you") if you find that list offensive then you have been treated with kid gloves your entire life. Go listen to little known gangster rappers rap about women. Then we'll talk about offensive material.

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The sooner you realize I'm right the better off you will be.

[This message has been edited by Kieran Horn (edited June 18, 2004).]

I don't think it's offensive, just a gross generalization that tries to pin a lot of negative traits on all women. And if you think all women are like that, you need to stop watching so many sitcoms.

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Have a good one,
Freelancer

[This message has been edited by Freelancer (edited June 18, 2004).]

Are all women like that? No. But are the majority? So far, yes.

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The sooner you realize I'm right the better off you will be.

A lot of that list is purely opinion ("We like porn"), but here are a few things that I have seen in every single woman I have meet and got to know(friend or otherwise).

The others change from woman to woman.

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The sooner you realize I'm right the better off you will be.

[This message has been edited by Kieran Horn (edited June 18, 2004).]