She liked water, but when every time you'd feel like looking up while standing on any street of the underwater city all you could see is water, nothing but lots and lots of water behind thick pressure-resistant walls of reinforced glass, it could make anyone feel sick of it time to time.

Paradoxically, but while living in a city hundreds of meters under the ocean surface, the only contact with water Jashea had, apart from her drinking water rations, was when she was feeding her fish. She liked water, but when every time you'd feel like looking up while standing on any street of the underwater city all you could see is water, nothing but lots and lots of water behind thick pressure-resistant walls of reinforced glass, it could make anyone feel sick of it time to time. Most people didn't own fish - why? All you had to do is look up. But then, of course, most people never looked up. Sometimes Jashea, a civil engineer, felt that their entire city is an aquarium just like the one she had in her flat, only bigger, and that she was helping shape it.

Paradoxically, (remove "but" here) while living in a city hundreds of meters under the ocean surface, the only contact with water Jashea had, apart from her drinking water rations, was when she was feeding her fish. She liked water, but (remove "when" here) every time you'd feel like looking up (comma) while standing on any street of the underwater city (comma) all you could see is water (peroid, not a comma) N othing but lots and lots of water behind thick pressure-resistant walls of reinforced glass (peroid, not a comma) I t could make anyone feel sick of it time to time. Most people didn't own fish (peroid, not a dash) W hy? All you had to do is look up. But then, of course, most people never looked up. Sometimes Jashea, a civil engineer, felt that their entire city (replace "is" with "was" here) an aquarium just like the one she had in her flat, only bigger, and that she was helping shape it.

run-on sentences

By the way, didn't both of you (Geb & Koobie) visit Merlin's Discussion Forum way back in the day?

She liked water, but if from any street of the underwater city all you could see was water -- nothing but lots and lots of water behind thick pressure-resistant walls of reinforced glass -- you'd feel sick of it, too, from time to time

"She liked water, but every time you looked up from a street in the underwater city, you would be reminded of just how much water there was above you, held up only by the thick pressure-resistant walls of reinforced glass. It made her naseous from time to time."

Most people didn't own fish, you need only look up to see nature's own aquarium.

Most people didn't own fish, because they need only look up to see nature's own aquarium.

Yes, and incidentially, the paragraph itself needs fixing too.



Your major problem, with the one sentence in particular, was run-on sentences. It comes from being addicted to commas. Remember KISS -- keep it simple, stupid.

Teachers use KISS?