I've been totally "out of it" all week and I'm not entirely sure why. I'm probably not sure why because I'm so out of it. Actually it's most likely a lack of sleep, and when I get like this, I am incredibly clumsy. I'll put things down in random places and then panic and tear everything apart (it's usually a mess at this point anyway) trying to find it.

Anyway, I sat down at my cubicle not so long ago and felt a slight draft in my nether regions. Oops! My fly has been down all morning. But that was only the beginning of my problem, since the zipper head was already at the top of the teeth. I pulled it back down and kept trying to zip up and down to fasten the two sides together with no luck.

Looking around corners and with my hands in my pockets, I darted to the supply closet and grabbed a roll of scotch tape (duct tape would have been overkill) and headed for the bathroom; however, I'm wearing suit pants and the adhesive won't take on the fabric. In most places, the tape falls right off. And what would be more embarrassing than having your fly waft open *only to reveal patches of scotch tape within?!*

Alright, so I'm not really this self-conscious, but then again I don't have anybody to be impressing, either, so I think today I'm going to be pretty much confined to my cubicle.

Any tailoring suggestions/tales of pantaloon-related horror?

the aft end of my pants split when i bent over to pick up a pencil i had dropped in class, needless to say i was thoroughly embarrassed

Untuck your shirt at the front and pull it down over, or even better if you've got a long coat that covers that region put it on and claim you're cold then go on a search for safety pins. You need safety pins.

Do you have anything like a private cool-down or rest room? Like a room where people go to take their medication or if they get a little overly upset. Those rooms usually have a first aid kit in them. If you have access to a first aid kit when no one else is around check it for safety pins (or equivalent) and see what kind of closure you can tailor.

Go home at lunch and change your pants.

Why try to close your zipper?

Here's my suggestion: Put a bundle of paper towels in your underwear, in the front. Make a huge bulge. When someone asks what the hell is happening in your pants, say this: "I'm sorry. I was born this way. My zipper can't hold it all in. The beast just doesn't want to be caged in."

If they express distaste over you, sue for sexual harrassment.

That's a great idea, if he wants to be fired.

So what, he'll win millions on the sexual harrassment case!

I would, but I live far enough away that it would take pretty much all my lunch break. Also, my father may be at home. How would I explain that? :p

It's my conclusion that society's definition of what is/is not "awkward" is terribly restrictive.

Just cover your crotch in a duct tape superman brief.

So I was sitting in my manager's office and I look down for a sec at my crotch to see a tuft of scotch tape sticking out.

Oops

my "mate" pulled down my baggy trousers at a party.

Fortunately, i was wearing tight comfy pants. :p

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}