This afternoon, I sat down to watch My Cousin Vinny, a movie my uncle sent me home with, along with 14 others saying "You. Must. See. These.". I watched the movie through and through, and had a wonderful time. Good movie.
Afterwards, I headed into the kitchen to grab a twinkie. As I opened the cabinet to grab said yellow pastry, something caught my eye outside. My kitty, Shadow, was playing in a tree. I observed this for a few minutes, and went back to grab my pastry. I sat down after grabbing the pastry, and began to eat it. It was a good pastry, I'd like another one now actually.
The computer then beckoned me to its lair. Begrudgingly, I skulked back to the addictive machine that houses Oblivion. However, as I reached the stairs, something odd happened. A pan-dimensional vortex threatening to rip apart the space time continuum and all matter in the universe reached out and grabbed my leg. I thrashed about until finally the pan-dimensional vortex threatening to rip apart the space time continuum and all matter in the universe left me alone.
Upon reaching the top, 4th, stair, something happened; I had a revelation. I feel down, and hit my head. Afterwards, I drew this *Insert picture of flux capacitor, to be inserted later* and built a time machine. I climbed into my time machine, and rode off into the sunset at 87 mph. Being the daring lad that I am, I put the pedal to the metal and reached 88 mph, and something strange happened.
Lights began to flicker about me, noises filled my head. Screeching noises...and a voice...oooooh what a horrible voice! It screamed at me "Pull over." Not wishing to disobey this strange voice, I pulled over onto the curb of the road. A man in a black uniform walked up to my go-kart (did I mention I built the time machine on a go-kart?) and asked me promptly "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"
Once again, wishing to please a voice and body this time, I said "I was going 88 miles per hour. It said so right here on my spedometer." The body housing the strange voice then wrote some random things on a random piece of paper, tore it off of the other papers, and walked away after handing it to me.
Once again I set out driving into the sunset, when suddenly I was transported into a PARALLEL UNIVERSE. Everyone there was only capable of speaking n00b and 1337.
"Line Dash Line Three One One Zero" one guy spoke to me. "Kweer gay", interjected another. And then a marvelous unicorn came up to me. He was very educated, and spoke normal English. "Hello, my fair carbon based homosapien. May I make your aquaintance, ergo transforming us into an anomaly only viewed within the parameters specified by the Greek god Blumbo?"
Screaming now, worried about not only my safety but my mind's resistance to exploding, I ran towards the only familiar looking object in this strange world: a shoelace. Once I reached the shoelace, I searched high and low for a place to store my newfound friend, but couldn't find the perfect place. Eventually, I settled upon saving him in my shoe, strung between the eyelets. He seemed to fit rather snugly, and my shoe stays on better now as well!
I then set off in the direction Weasorth, the universal direction in this strange world. After I headed Weasorth for several miles, I stopped to rest.
"How strange is it that in a world as quaint as this, I should befriend a shoelace?" I inquired to my shoelace friend.
"Quite strange. Perhaps you should write a thread on Massassi about it." it replied gleely.
At this point, I was rather tired and lay down to sleep. I dreampt of Poptarts, machine guns, and goats. It was actually a wet dream, but I'll leave that to your imagination. After I awoke and cleaned up the mess, I realized to the full extent what I blunder I was in.
After getting my bearings, I decided heading Weasorth again would be a good plan, and so I did. I traveled Weasorth for many many years, and my beard grew to touch my chin, it grew so much. This is actually quite an accomplishment in this world, from what I understand. Only the wise have managed to do so, and the wise are few and far between.
Eventually, I came upon a box of chocolates. Happily, I opened the box of chocolates, only to find it was a double pack, half filled with chocolate, the other half with tampons. I also found that the chocolate was labled "If you ****ed up, use this."
After eating my fair share of chocolates, I set off again. A stump suddenly leaped out at me, 3 minutes into my journey, tackled me, and transported me back into my computer seat.
So here I sit now, this wonderous journey scarring my mind, and I have nothign to do but obey my shoelace friend and write a big long story about it. My shoelace has gone mute in recent days, but before he lost communication, he mentioned something about being money-obie. I dunno what that's about.
So, if I may ask, how was your evening?
Afterwards, I headed into the kitchen to grab a twinkie. As I opened the cabinet to grab said yellow pastry, something caught my eye outside. My kitty, Shadow, was playing in a tree. I observed this for a few minutes, and went back to grab my pastry. I sat down after grabbing the pastry, and began to eat it. It was a good pastry, I'd like another one now actually.
The computer then beckoned me to its lair. Begrudgingly, I skulked back to the addictive machine that houses Oblivion. However, as I reached the stairs, something odd happened. A pan-dimensional vortex threatening to rip apart the space time continuum and all matter in the universe reached out and grabbed my leg. I thrashed about until finally the pan-dimensional vortex threatening to rip apart the space time continuum and all matter in the universe left me alone.
Upon reaching the top, 4th, stair, something happened; I had a revelation. I feel down, and hit my head. Afterwards, I drew this *Insert picture of flux capacitor, to be inserted later* and built a time machine. I climbed into my time machine, and rode off into the sunset at 87 mph. Being the daring lad that I am, I put the pedal to the metal and reached 88 mph, and something strange happened.
Lights began to flicker about me, noises filled my head. Screeching noises...and a voice...oooooh what a horrible voice! It screamed at me "Pull over." Not wishing to disobey this strange voice, I pulled over onto the curb of the road. A man in a black uniform walked up to my go-kart (did I mention I built the time machine on a go-kart?) and asked me promptly "Are you aware of how fast you were going?"
Once again, wishing to please a voice and body this time, I said "I was going 88 miles per hour. It said so right here on my spedometer." The body housing the strange voice then wrote some random things on a random piece of paper, tore it off of the other papers, and walked away after handing it to me.
Once again I set out driving into the sunset, when suddenly I was transported into a PARALLEL UNIVERSE. Everyone there was only capable of speaking n00b and 1337.
"Line Dash Line Three One One Zero" one guy spoke to me. "Kweer gay", interjected another. And then a marvelous unicorn came up to me. He was very educated, and spoke normal English. "Hello, my fair carbon based homosapien. May I make your aquaintance, ergo transforming us into an anomaly only viewed within the parameters specified by the Greek god Blumbo?"
Screaming now, worried about not only my safety but my mind's resistance to exploding, I ran towards the only familiar looking object in this strange world: a shoelace. Once I reached the shoelace, I searched high and low for a place to store my newfound friend, but couldn't find the perfect place. Eventually, I settled upon saving him in my shoe, strung between the eyelets. He seemed to fit rather snugly, and my shoe stays on better now as well!
I then set off in the direction Weasorth, the universal direction in this strange world. After I headed Weasorth for several miles, I stopped to rest.
"How strange is it that in a world as quaint as this, I should befriend a shoelace?" I inquired to my shoelace friend.
"Quite strange. Perhaps you should write a thread on Massassi about it." it replied gleely.
At this point, I was rather tired and lay down to sleep. I dreampt of Poptarts, machine guns, and goats. It was actually a wet dream, but I'll leave that to your imagination. After I awoke and cleaned up the mess, I realized to the full extent what I blunder I was in.
After getting my bearings, I decided heading Weasorth again would be a good plan, and so I did. I traveled Weasorth for many many years, and my beard grew to touch my chin, it grew so much. This is actually quite an accomplishment in this world, from what I understand. Only the wise have managed to do so, and the wise are few and far between.
Eventually, I came upon a box of chocolates. Happily, I opened the box of chocolates, only to find it was a double pack, half filled with chocolate, the other half with tampons. I also found that the chocolate was labled "If you ****ed up, use this."
After eating my fair share of chocolates, I set off again. A stump suddenly leaped out at me, 3 minutes into my journey, tackled me, and transported me back into my computer seat.
So here I sit now, this wonderous journey scarring my mind, and I have nothign to do but obey my shoelace friend and write a big long story about it. My shoelace has gone mute in recent days, but before he lost communication, he mentioned something about being money-obie. I dunno what that's about.
So, if I may ask, how was your evening?
I had a blog. It sucked.
