"No, I definately prefer brunettes to blondes," said Steven.
"No way! Blondes are generally much prettier, and they have a certain classy look to them," said the friend with the beard.
"No, I find brunettes to be prettier... except those ones that have hairy upper lips, but they don't count," said Steven.
"Of course they count!" yelled the friend who wears a hat. "They're brunette, aren't they?"
Steven and his two friends were sitting in the friend with the hat's front room, arguing about what type of women are most attractive.
"Brunettes!"
"Blondes!"
"What about redheads?" asked the friend who wears the hat. "Don't you like redheads?"
Steven cringed. He had a bad experience with a redhead a while ago, during Steven's Adventure with the Theatre. Now he didn't much care for girls with the fire down under. "No way, redheads are awful. They're all white and freckly and spotty and they don't have souls anyhow."
The friend with the beard jumped up. "Hey, don't talk about redheads that way, you know Ginnie is a redhead." Ginnie was the friend with the beard's ex-girlfriend, who he thought he still had a chance with, even though he really didn't but wouldn't admit it. "And she does too have a soul! You don't know what you're talking about. You never do."
"If you say so," Steven said, becoming irritated. The friend with the hat just shrugged. "My girl is a blonde, and I like her just fine. Actually, you're the only guy in here who doesn't have a girlfriend, so I don't think your opinion should count." Steven became quite annoyed. "Just because I don't have a girlfriend doesn't mean I don't know a good thing when I see it."
"What about that girl who always wears a sweater? You just let her get away," argued the friend with the beard.
"I told you, she was crazy! She had lots of wild tatoos all over her arms and chest. That's why she wore a sweater all the time."
"You just couldn't handle her."
Steven had met the girl who always wears a sweater during Steven's Adventure at a Halloween Party. They had hit it off quite well at first, until Steven realized she was absolutely bananas.
"It doesn't matter anyway," Steven said. "What time are we going to the movie"
"Six thirty-five," replied the friend with the hat. "We're meeting the friend who has bad breath there. He said he has a surprise."
The three friends all wondered what the friend who has bad breath's surprise was.
They all left the house at seven fifteen, and headed to go see the movie. They all wanted to see a violent killing movie, except the friend with the beard, who wanted to see some sappy chick movie. Eventually, he won out, and they all bought tickets for the dumb girly film.
They friend who has bad breath was waiting for them in the lobby. He always had bad breath. "Hurry! It starts in two minutes."
They all entered the movie theater. The friend with the beard got stuck sitting with the friend who has bad breath, due to some quick maneuvering by Steven and the friend who wears a hat.
After the movie, the four friends were hungry. "We should eat fast food," said the friend with the beard. "No," said the friend who wears a hat. "I want Chinese." The friend with bad breath voiced his opinion. "I just want to go someplace that serves garlic bread." Steven didn't care where they ate. They settled on Chinese-food-delivered. The friend with the beard placed the order over the phone as they drove. They stopped by the market for some sodas and candy.
They arrived at the friend who wears a hat's house just as the food arrived. The friend who has beard seemed to be short on cash, so Steven covered for him. Steven wouldn't have, had he known that the friend with the beard had forgotten to order Steven's meal, and would later eat Steven's share of the candy.
"Hey, what was that surprise you had planned?" Steven asked the friend who has bad breath. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. My cousin has just moved in town. Her and her boyfriend are fine, but her roommate is new, and doesn't know anyone. I told her roommate that I knew a guy who didn't have anything to do, and would be glad to take her to dinner tomorrow."
"But the friend with the beard has a girlfriend."
"I am not talking about him, or the friend who wears are hat."
"I hate you."
"It will be fun," said the friend with the beard. "Besides, it would be a very nice thing to do.
This made Steven mad. The friend with beard wasn't helping his bad situation at all. What the friend with the beard was doing was making it worse by acting like Steven's mother.
"Tomorrow, eight o'clock. Meet me at my house, and I will take you to her place."
Although Steven was irritated, he was a bit happy to have female company. The girl who always wears a sweater had left him feeling lonely.
"Well, is she nice?" Steven asked, pretending not to be totally shallow.
"Yes, she's very nice."
"And is she smart?" he asked, wondering how long he should wait to ask what he really wanted to ask and not seem shallow.
"She's really smart. She went to Mount San Antionio Junior college for five years."
Steven decided to give in and ask the most important question. "What does she look like?"
"I will leave that to your imagination. But let's just say she's not bad."
"I hate you more."
The next evening, Steven followed the friend with bad breath in his car and arrived at a small aparment. "Good luck, Romeo." The friend with bad breath gave Steven a thumbs up from his car window.
After ringing the doorbell twice, Steven began to wonder if anyone was home. Finally, the door swung open.
She was wearing nice black heels. She had long thin legs that led up into a short black skirt. Her ample chest was partially covered by a slightly-off white blouse that had a neckline that didn't leave up to the imagination. She had remarkable green eyes. If Steven had been more romantically inclined, he would have thought that they looked like a thousand sparkling jade stones, glittering in the sunlight. But he wasn't very romantic at all, so he just though they were really green.
Her pink lips framed a sparkling, white smile. Then Steven notice that her skin was very pale and white. She had lots of spotty freckles all over her arms and face. Long, red hair flowed down her back.
"Hi, I'm Jen!" She stuck out a white, spotty hand. It look almost leprous. Inside, Steven cried.
"I-I-I'm Steven," he muttered.
"Pleased to meet you! Shall we get going?"
"No way! Go back inside and I will get in my car and leave and we will pretend this never happened," Steven thought, but he said "Y-Y-Yeah let's go."
They didn't say very much to each other on the way to the restaurant. After a moment of silence, she spoke.
"So," she asked, "How do you know the friend who has bad breath?"
"We went to high school together. He was one year up from me," Steven asnwered, still crying inside.
"Oh. I liked high school. I had lots of fun. I used to run in track, and play volleyball, and I was elected class president! It was fun being class president. We got to have little meetings and decide what the prom theme was and lots of things. Prom was fun! I wore a pretty dark blue dress with little sparkles on it."
Steven began to wonder if this girl knew how to be quiet. She hadn't stopped talking since they passed the street where Steven met the friend who wears a hat during Steven's Adventure with the Two Dogs and one Cat, which was about 9 miles from where they were now. Steven wondered if his ears really could bleed, like he had seen in the movies.
"And then we talked on the phone for a while and then the next day I say her at school and we talked there for a while and then and then and then." As the girl yammered on and on, Steven stealthily reach into his pocket. He found his cell phone and pressed a key. He held it for a few seconds hoping the speed dial would turn on. After waiting a moment, he found the end button and hung up.
Steven hoped his plan would work.
"And then I thought that wasn't fair so I went to the committee chairperson and I told her that it wasn't fair and told her that she had better fix it and--hey, is your phone ringing?"
"Why yes, yes it is!" Steven's plan had worked. His call had gone through.
"Steven, what happened? You called, then hung up." It was the friend with the hat, who was, apparently, speed dial number 4.
"Yes, mom, I'm here."
"What? I'm not your mom."
"No way."
"What?"
"Oh no! When did it happen?!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Ok, I will be right over. See you soon."
The girl with the red hair looked at Steven. Steven made his best my-grandfather-just-had-a-heart-attack face. "My grandfather just had a heart attack." The truth is, Steven's grandfather really did have a heart attack, but it had occured 7 years prior.
"That's awful! Are you going to the hospital?"
"Yes. I am sorry we can't go out afterall."
"Oh, that's fine!"
Steven dialed a number in his phone.
"Hello?" said the friend with the beard.
"Hello," said Steven. "Something terrible has happened and I have to go. I was hoping I could bring Jen over to your house. I feel absolutely terrible about having to end our date, so I want you to take her." Before the friend with the beard could tell him to go screw himself, Steven thanked him and hung up.
"My friend with a beard said he would be delighted to take you to dinner."
"Oh, how nice."
Steven drove to his friend's house, let the girl out, then hightailed it over to The Dirty Bird, his favorite alcoholic beverage establishment, where he was three-fourths of the way through picking up on a striking brunette, but nothing ever came of it because she was with her friends, and they of the "we came together we leave together" mentality. Steven would not have minded leaving together with them, but they wouldn't hear of it.
The friend with the beard found the redheaded girl who talked too much very attractive for exactly 3 and a half minutes, until his ears began to bleed.
"No way! Blondes are generally much prettier, and they have a certain classy look to them," said the friend with the beard.
"No, I find brunettes to be prettier... except those ones that have hairy upper lips, but they don't count," said Steven.
"Of course they count!" yelled the friend who wears a hat. "They're brunette, aren't they?"
Steven and his two friends were sitting in the friend with the hat's front room, arguing about what type of women are most attractive.
"Brunettes!"
"Blondes!"
"What about redheads?" asked the friend who wears the hat. "Don't you like redheads?"
Steven cringed. He had a bad experience with a redhead a while ago, during Steven's Adventure with the Theatre. Now he didn't much care for girls with the fire down under. "No way, redheads are awful. They're all white and freckly and spotty and they don't have souls anyhow."
The friend with the beard jumped up. "Hey, don't talk about redheads that way, you know Ginnie is a redhead." Ginnie was the friend with the beard's ex-girlfriend, who he thought he still had a chance with, even though he really didn't but wouldn't admit it. "And she does too have a soul! You don't know what you're talking about. You never do."
"If you say so," Steven said, becoming irritated. The friend with the hat just shrugged. "My girl is a blonde, and I like her just fine. Actually, you're the only guy in here who doesn't have a girlfriend, so I don't think your opinion should count." Steven became quite annoyed. "Just because I don't have a girlfriend doesn't mean I don't know a good thing when I see it."
"What about that girl who always wears a sweater? You just let her get away," argued the friend with the beard.
"I told you, she was crazy! She had lots of wild tatoos all over her arms and chest. That's why she wore a sweater all the time."
"You just couldn't handle her."
Steven had met the girl who always wears a sweater during Steven's Adventure at a Halloween Party. They had hit it off quite well at first, until Steven realized she was absolutely bananas.
"It doesn't matter anyway," Steven said. "What time are we going to the movie"
"Six thirty-five," replied the friend with the hat. "We're meeting the friend who has bad breath there. He said he has a surprise."
The three friends all wondered what the friend who has bad breath's surprise was.
They all left the house at seven fifteen, and headed to go see the movie. They all wanted to see a violent killing movie, except the friend with the beard, who wanted to see some sappy chick movie. Eventually, he won out, and they all bought tickets for the dumb girly film.
They friend who has bad breath was waiting for them in the lobby. He always had bad breath. "Hurry! It starts in two minutes."
They all entered the movie theater. The friend with the beard got stuck sitting with the friend who has bad breath, due to some quick maneuvering by Steven and the friend who wears a hat.
After the movie, the four friends were hungry. "We should eat fast food," said the friend with the beard. "No," said the friend who wears a hat. "I want Chinese." The friend with bad breath voiced his opinion. "I just want to go someplace that serves garlic bread." Steven didn't care where they ate. They settled on Chinese-food-delivered. The friend with the beard placed the order over the phone as they drove. They stopped by the market for some sodas and candy.
They arrived at the friend who wears a hat's house just as the food arrived. The friend who has beard seemed to be short on cash, so Steven covered for him. Steven wouldn't have, had he known that the friend with the beard had forgotten to order Steven's meal, and would later eat Steven's share of the candy.
"Hey, what was that surprise you had planned?" Steven asked the friend who has bad breath. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. My cousin has just moved in town. Her and her boyfriend are fine, but her roommate is new, and doesn't know anyone. I told her roommate that I knew a guy who didn't have anything to do, and would be glad to take her to dinner tomorrow."
"But the friend with the beard has a girlfriend."
"I am not talking about him, or the friend who wears are hat."
"I hate you."
"It will be fun," said the friend with the beard. "Besides, it would be a very nice thing to do.
This made Steven mad. The friend with beard wasn't helping his bad situation at all. What the friend with the beard was doing was making it worse by acting like Steven's mother.
"Tomorrow, eight o'clock. Meet me at my house, and I will take you to her place."
Although Steven was irritated, he was a bit happy to have female company. The girl who always wears a sweater had left him feeling lonely.
"Well, is she nice?" Steven asked, pretending not to be totally shallow.
"Yes, she's very nice."
"And is she smart?" he asked, wondering how long he should wait to ask what he really wanted to ask and not seem shallow.
"She's really smart. She went to Mount San Antionio Junior college for five years."
Steven decided to give in and ask the most important question. "What does she look like?"
"I will leave that to your imagination. But let's just say she's not bad."
"I hate you more."
The next evening, Steven followed the friend with bad breath in his car and arrived at a small aparment. "Good luck, Romeo." The friend with bad breath gave Steven a thumbs up from his car window.
After ringing the doorbell twice, Steven began to wonder if anyone was home. Finally, the door swung open.
She was wearing nice black heels. She had long thin legs that led up into a short black skirt. Her ample chest was partially covered by a slightly-off white blouse that had a neckline that didn't leave up to the imagination. She had remarkable green eyes. If Steven had been more romantically inclined, he would have thought that they looked like a thousand sparkling jade stones, glittering in the sunlight. But he wasn't very romantic at all, so he just though they were really green.
Her pink lips framed a sparkling, white smile. Then Steven notice that her skin was very pale and white. She had lots of spotty freckles all over her arms and face. Long, red hair flowed down her back.
"Hi, I'm Jen!" She stuck out a white, spotty hand. It look almost leprous. Inside, Steven cried.
"I-I-I'm Steven," he muttered.
"Pleased to meet you! Shall we get going?"
"No way! Go back inside and I will get in my car and leave and we will pretend this never happened," Steven thought, but he said "Y-Y-Yeah let's go."
They didn't say very much to each other on the way to the restaurant. After a moment of silence, she spoke.
"So," she asked, "How do you know the friend who has bad breath?"
"We went to high school together. He was one year up from me," Steven asnwered, still crying inside.
"Oh. I liked high school. I had lots of fun. I used to run in track, and play volleyball, and I was elected class president! It was fun being class president. We got to have little meetings and decide what the prom theme was and lots of things. Prom was fun! I wore a pretty dark blue dress with little sparkles on it."
Steven began to wonder if this girl knew how to be quiet. She hadn't stopped talking since they passed the street where Steven met the friend who wears a hat during Steven's Adventure with the Two Dogs and one Cat, which was about 9 miles from where they were now. Steven wondered if his ears really could bleed, like he had seen in the movies.
"And then we talked on the phone for a while and then the next day I say her at school and we talked there for a while and then and then and then." As the girl yammered on and on, Steven stealthily reach into his pocket. He found his cell phone and pressed a key. He held it for a few seconds hoping the speed dial would turn on. After waiting a moment, he found the end button and hung up.
Steven hoped his plan would work.
"And then I thought that wasn't fair so I went to the committee chairperson and I told her that it wasn't fair and told her that she had better fix it and--hey, is your phone ringing?"
"Why yes, yes it is!" Steven's plan had worked. His call had gone through.
"Steven, what happened? You called, then hung up." It was the friend with the hat, who was, apparently, speed dial number 4.
"Yes, mom, I'm here."
"What? I'm not your mom."
"No way."
"What?"
"Oh no! When did it happen?!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Ok, I will be right over. See you soon."
The girl with the red hair looked at Steven. Steven made his best my-grandfather-just-had-a-heart-attack face. "My grandfather just had a heart attack." The truth is, Steven's grandfather really did have a heart attack, but it had occured 7 years prior.
"That's awful! Are you going to the hospital?"
"Yes. I am sorry we can't go out afterall."
"Oh, that's fine!"
Steven dialed a number in his phone.
"Hello?" said the friend with the beard.
"Hello," said Steven. "Something terrible has happened and I have to go. I was hoping I could bring Jen over to your house. I feel absolutely terrible about having to end our date, so I want you to take her." Before the friend with the beard could tell him to go screw himself, Steven thanked him and hung up.
"My friend with a beard said he would be delighted to take you to dinner."
"Oh, how nice."
Steven drove to his friend's house, let the girl out, then hightailed it over to The Dirty Bird, his favorite alcoholic beverage establishment, where he was three-fourths of the way through picking up on a striking brunette, but nothing ever came of it because she was with her friends, and they of the "we came together we leave together" mentality. Steven would not have minded leaving together with them, but they wouldn't hear of it.
The friend with the beard found the redheaded girl who talked too much very attractive for exactly 3 and a half minutes, until his ears began to bleed.
The end was hillarious. Funny thing is, my girlfriend talked a good bit before we began dating, due to being nervous. Her name is Jen. 
