A friend of mine asked me to write his speech for student council. Four years ago I ran for president and gave a speech that was 'legendary' thanks to massassi. Hopefully you guys might have some tips so my friend can come across victorious. Feel free to make suggestions and rip this thing apart all you want. I need to have it ready tomorrow morning, though. Not much time to work with.
Oh, and the school name is "Paradise." It's a small Christian school with 250 students.


Brothers and sisters of Paradise,
money moves the wheels of history,
and this year I will move those wheels like never before
in the history of this school. Friends, desks and chairs will
tremble and shake with the triumphent roar of coins and cash
flowing into the hands of our excellent student council.
Things will get done and we shall acquire great things for all
people of all ages and classses within this family that is Paradise.
Things will be done, and they will be done for -you-.
As Franklin Roosevelt once said, "Happiness is not in the mere
possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the
thrill of creative effort." I feel that we can all embrace the joy of
achieving something great this year, and I know that all of our
efforts will bring a financial blessing upon the school if you
elect me for student council treasurer.

Make sure to have him slam his hands on the podium and shake his fists in the air.

My greatest fear is that they give him a flimsy music stand.

My brother was the Secretary/Treasurer for his senior class and his entire speech was mastebatory innuendo. Funny as hell.

I think it might have more impact if you used FDR's whole name.
"Franklin Delano Roosevelt" just has a better ring to it.

First, it is a repetitive opening. Second, the imagery is way too strong.

Nonsense. It's hilariously over-the-top. I love it.

I used to ghost-write Student Government speeches. This will win for sure, provided you have the dramatic moxie to perform it well. If you could set it to music as well, that would be a plus.

Oh man. I want to hear that so bad...

And I agree with Michael. If he can sound like he's enjoying giving this speech, I'd like it. I'd much prefer someone who's up there having a good time giving a speech to me than one who just reads facts off a sheet.

Can you give a link or describe what happened?

I remember helping you with that, Axis. I think I still have it on my computer at home.

Janitor Bob, I would love for you to send that to me or something, as I have lost all copies of it.

When I ran for president, everyone had decided to vote for this Indian kid by the name of Dale. He was smarter, older, and more experienced than I was in student council matters. (At the time, I was only a freshman.)
When Dale got up to say his speech, he hadn't really written anything and even worse, he didn't know he wasn't supposed to actually 'say' the position he was running for in his speech. He was nervous and unprepared and fumbled with a little scrap of paper.

However, I got up and said my speech, with some inspirational music playing softly in the background and spoke with great gusto. When I finished, everyone in the school stood to their feet and applauded and I thus won by a landslide. It was awesome.

Wow... a standing ovation from the entire school for a freshman's student council speech? That is legendary.

Throw in a phrase like, "I will fill our coffers or choke their rivers with our dead."

Everything sounds good when contrasted with choking their rivers with your dead. Who "they" are in the statement is irrelevant, it shows your friend means business and isn't afraid to get his hands dirty, doing the behind the scenes dirty work of the student council, which more often than not involves dumping corpses in rivers.

Such is the real work of a "treasurer."

Scamander/Xanthus wouldn't be happy with you mr. achilles reincarnate

Sorry for ressurecting this thread, but I found a version of your speech, Axis. I don't know how much you actually used, but here it is anyway:

When I first began to write this speech, I had NO idea where to start. So I did what I always do when I need vision, when I need purpose, when I need direction. I turned on Cotton Eyed Joe. And as that mesmerizing melody flowed through my mind, that beautiful beat opened my eyes to the questions philosophers have been asking for ages. Questions that need answering.

*Build up to yelling* Where did we come from? Were do we go! Where did we COME FROM! Cotton Eye JOE!

Then it hit me! We come from a dark and dilapidated dungeon. We come from a place of separation, a place that lacks ideas, that lacks vision, that lacks… spirit. And no, I’m not talking about just yelling, "We've got spirit yes we do” at the command of a wave of a few pom-poms, I’m talking about real spirit. Not phony, not simulated but true pride in our school. True belief that our school is the coolest school ever. If you don’t believe that then I ask “why not”. It is not the teachers, not the programs, not the building but rather you the students who make the school.

As I stand here, looking out at the faces of the future, the faces of tomorrow, I see a crowd of Contenders. I see malice, I see judgement, I see london, I see france, I see a school that needs to be given a chance.

Is that all we want to be? Contenders? We need to take a chance to be more than that. I feel that we need to do more things together as a school. I want to eliminate that massive gap that separates each and every classes. I love this school when the class boundaries are broken during 1st period, when both high school and middle school are able to come together in one class. I want to carry that further. I will try to organize events to bring our school together as one school. I don’t want us to call each other 9th graders, or 7th graders, or 10th graders, but rather *build up to yelling* (Name of High School and Mascot)

I truly believe that everyone in this room is important. I feel it is important to take care of the all important matters that would be presented to me. I will work hard at any task I am given, at any job I am assigned. I am fully willing to do whatever I am able to do to make our school the not a good school, not a great school, but the BEST school ever. EVER! I want to put the cool in the word school, but right now there’s an H in the middle and that H stands for Hell.

Thank you,
And as Thomas Jefferson once said, “Vote for Axis, for Student Council President”

Thank you, SO much! I was afraid I'd never see that again.

As for the treasurer speech, the kid running didn't find me in time to get his speech, so he wasn't able to use it. Also, the other guy running for treasurer had a really long and silly speech that captivated the crowd, so I'm afraid it was a dismal failure for him.