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ForumsDiscussion Forum → ABOSOLUTELY HALIRIOUS! 25 analogies collected by english highschool teachers!
ABOSOLUTELY HALIRIOUS! 25 analogies collected by english highschool teachers!
2006-11-22, 7:58 PM #1
<source>: http://writingenglish.wordpress.com/2006/09/12/the-25-funniest-analogies-collected-by-high-school-english-teachers/



I laughed sooo hard my head hurt and my eyes teared! These are absoultely golden!


1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
\(='_'=)/
2006-11-22, 8:06 PM #2
Those are really funny.
2006-11-22, 8:08 PM #3
9 made me think of this:
[Quote=Douglas Adams] The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.[/quote]

o.0
2006-11-22, 8:27 PM #4
I was just about to say that.
2006-11-22, 8:55 PM #5
Maybe it's because I've been drinking.. but that **** was hilarious.
2006-11-22, 9:00 PM #6
those are similes, not analogies.
My girlfriend paid a lot of money for that tv; I want to watch ALL OF IT. - JM
2006-11-22, 9:55 PM #7
That's quite old, but really neat.

I'd probably write something like that.
Star Wars: TODOA | DXN - Deus Ex: Nihilum
2006-11-22, 10:34 PM #8
<3 # 7!
"it is time to get a credit card to complete my financial independance" — Tibby, Aug. 2009
2006-11-22, 10:54 PM #9
19 was my favorite. :)
2006-11-23, 2:52 AM #10
mmmm...hefty bag of vegetable soup..
Pyro Universe The ultimate fireworks site!
2006-11-23, 6:42 AM #11
Originally posted by Exothermic:
mmmm...hefty bag of vegetable soup..


That one got my giggles.

I liked the last three too.
"Harriet, sweet Harriet - hard-hearted harbinger of haggis."
2006-11-23, 1:16 PM #12
Originally posted by Freelancer:
<3 # 7!

.
"I got kicked off the high school debate team for saying 'Yeah? Well, **** you!'
... I thought I had won."
2006-11-23, 1:27 PM #13
Originally posted by silent_killa:
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.


I found them all amusing, but that one made me chuckle out loud.
2006-11-23, 6:47 PM #14
Not analogies.

Cute, nonetheless.
2006-11-23, 11:29 PM #15
Quote:
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.


This is really very good.
If you think the waiters are rude, you should see the manager.
2006-11-24, 12:09 AM #16
7 was awesome, I'm gonna remember that one
You can't judge a book by it's file size
2006-11-24, 6:03 AM #17
Originally posted by Ford:
those are similes, not analogies.

.

Hehehehe. Number 10 is amazing.
nope.
2006-11-24, 6:18 AM #18
Quote:
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.


That's the only one I completely do not understand. Wont to do?
幻術
2006-11-24, 7:13 AM #19
Roughly, "Shots rang out like shots are accustomed to doing."
Ban Jin!
Nobody really needs work when you have awesome. - xhuxus
2006-11-24, 7:43 AM #20
yeah... A lot of people have a hard time with the word, "wont". As it looks like a typographical error.
-=I'm the wang of this here site, and it's HUGE! So just imagine how big I am.=-
1337Yectiwan
The OSC Empire
10 of 14 -- 27 Lives On
2006-11-24, 7:46 AM #21
PAST TENSE WANT

WONT WONT
Holy soap opera Batman. - FGR
DARWIN WILL PREVENT THE DOWNFALL OF OUR RACE. - Rob
Free Jin!
2006-11-24, 11:44 AM #22
eh, I barely laughed :P
"Nulla tenaci invia est via"
2006-11-24, 2:02 PM #23
Um. Wont is not past tense want.
2006-11-24, 2:13 PM #24
Yeah! I wont a bike, then I got one and I don't want it anymore!

...Duh!
DO NOT WANT.

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