Just dont forget to disarm the, erm, security measure.

No, fill the seat with napalm, and a charge to launch it upwards. Sit down = flaming crotch/arse.

Wire it with a tazer of some sort so when someone touches your bike they get incapacitated. Does it matter if they aren't stealing your bike? Not really, they shouldn't be touching it. >_>

The sign should read "Please do not sit down on this seat, or apply pressure in any way."

The sign should also come in Spanish...

Make the seat so it would start playing ska. The person would stop riding away in a few seconds.

Ah, good idea. But I prefer the more simple methods:



On a related note, I found the following story somewhere a whlie back. I do not know where it came from but you should enjoy it.

---Quoted story follows:---


I live in San Francisco... this was posted on an area website recently. I about blew coke through my noise at one point. Enjoy.

Yes, you. You sick **edit**. On Wednesday morning I emerged from my girlfriend's building by U.N. Plaza to find that you had sawed the tops off both the sparkplugs on my motorcycle. At the time, I had no idea why anyone would do that. Other than the sparkplugs, the bike was untouched. Some kind of bizarre vandalism? A fraternity prank gone awry? I had no idea. All I knew is that I looked like a huge douchebag riding the Muni to work in a padded motorcycle jacket and helmet.

Because the bike was immobilized I got a $35 street sweeping ticket that night. Thursday I had it towed to the shop ($45) where they replaced the sparkplugs and the boots ($50 including labor). They explained to me that "people" - I use the term loosely here - like you break off the tops of spark plugs and use the porcelain tubes to smoke crack. As an engineer and former MacGyver fan, in a way I think this is kind of cool. But then I remember that I just paid $100 for YOUR crackpipes, and I get angry again.

Crackhead, it was really good to have my bike back though. I rode home from the shop with a couple of spare sparkplugs and a smile on my face. I figured the next time I parked at my girlfriend's place overnight I would have to buy some crackpipes and tape them to my bike as a peace offering. Overall, I wasn't that upset. Despite having to ride the bus for three days and dropping a hundred bones at the shop, I had gained some fascinating knowledge, a new set of sparkplugs, and a pretty funny anecdote about how messed up you are, and how our paths once crossed briefly in the night.

But you couldn't just let sleeping dogs lie, could you Crackhead. You couldn't just stay in on Friday, watch Letterman through the window of a home electronics store and then call it a night. You couldn't rest on your laurels. Two porcelain sparkplug crackpipes just wasn't enough for you, was it Crackhead? You just had to come back for more.

This morning, a scant fifteen hours after I rode it out of the shop, I found my motorcycle violated once again. This time you only took the right one - maybe you were having an off night. At least this time I had a spare sparkplug and the tools to fix it - or so I thought - having ordered a 73-piece toolset from SEARS.com last week. But no, the sparkplug socket in my new toolset was for American sparkplugs. So I had to go down to the neighborhood Ace hardware. They had an 18mm socket that would fit over my sparkplug, but it was for a 1/2" drive ratchet. My toolkit only has 1/4" and 3/8" ratchets. So I had to buy a 1/2" ratchet along with the socket. Even though the clerk took pity on me and gave me the senior citizen discount (I'm 25) it still cost me $22 all told. Now, you might say that I should have just gotten a 3/8"-to-1/2" drive adaptor instead of springing for the whole ratchet. And to that I say "Shut the hell up, Crackhead, I'm not finished. And besides, I was eventually going to buy a 1/2" ratchet anyway so it's probably not worth it to take it back now."

OK, now I'm rambling. But the point is, Crackhead, that you have done me wrong. Now, I get that you love crack. That is totally understandable. I've heard it is really fun, at first, and quite addictive. What I don't understand is,

YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD. WHY DON'T YOU OWN A CRACKPIPE?

I am an engineer. Do you ever see me shaking down bums in the Loin for a calculator and sliderule? No, you don't. Because engineering is the main thing I do, I went and bought myself a calculator. The main thing you do is crack. How do you get by without a crackpipe? The other crackheads must clown on you non-stop. I mean, the freaking saw you used to saw off my sparkplugs is probably worth five or ten bucks. Why not sell or trade it for a crackpipe? You really haven't put much thought into this, have you?

Please, Crackhead, please don't tell me you sold your crackpipe to buy crack. Even a stupid crackhead such as yourself couldn't possibly be that stupid.

I've decided that taping crackpipes to my motorcycle would be tantamount to appeasement. You have crossed a line, Crackhead - specifically California Street. You have come onto my own street and you have desecrated that which I hold dear. You have stolen from me, and you have caused me to spend the last half hour writing this post instead of engineering docs, and it is concievable, if not likely, that my boss could find out about this and fire me. I am hella pissed at you dude.

Here are my options as I see them:

1. Write a note saying that I have coated both of my sparkplugs in rat poison and tape it to my bike at night. You can thank Tim for that one, it was his idea.

2. Don't write a note, but just coat both sparkplugs in rat poison. This is probably closer to a punishment that would fit your despicable crime. I'm sure this is super illegal, but it's not like anyone is going to miss you, Crackhead. Don't fool yourself.

3. Wait in an alley near my bike armed with my new stainless steel mirror-finish Ace Professional brand 1/2" drive socket wrench, my 18mm sparkplug socket, and my searing rage. It's pretty heavy and well balanced. I am not a large man, but I am angry.

In conclusion, Crackhead, why don't you just do both of us a favor and buy yourself a crackpipe? It will both enhance your crack smoking experience and save me a lot of time and felony assault charges. Think about it.

Sincerely,
Matt

*** If you are not the Crackhead that took my sparkplugs, please disregard this posting ***

Official Cause of Death: 12 gauge shotgun shell up the arse.

Make sure you use deer slugs and not birdshot.

where's the locking pin that makes it safe for you to ride it?

Ride it? This device isn't made for riding. It's made to prevent someone from stealing it.

Its like an anti theif trap. One theif down = less risk to your real bike. Especially when word on the street is that bikes shoot you>.>

Your device looks hard on bike seats.

Neat.

Hire a woman with a spiky stick who waits and watches while a thief saws through your equipment? :p

And why are the handlebars saying saw?

And it looks to me that the theif has the woman at gunpoint.

And she looking at something in the sky.

What are they doing in a warehouse late at night?

And how do the wheels stay on without spokes?

Yeah, that's something I would say.

...Oh god I lost all faith in humanity.

Nothing prevents biketheft better than FGR standing next to the thief and saying "SAW SAW SAW".

Those tires are looking a little lumpy. Might want to fill them with some air.

I improved your design.

The firing pin might not compress the cap quickly enough in your design. With the chamber designed like yours it would probably also cause the shell to explode inside the bike frame, causing less direct damage to the thief. This one also calls for rocksalt.

That burns.

... wouldn't libre loosely translate to "free"? I think Jon's targeting somebody. And I like it.

Do you use a pin to ride it yourself?

This was my question, and I believe the answer is that this bicycle is a decoy of sorts.

Just think if it was made rideable but you went over a bump and the safety failed...