"Why?"
"I dunno, I just don't like her."
"Well, why not?"
"I don't know! She's just… not… interesting, I dunno… no connection, I guess you could say."
"Then why did you ask her out in the first place?"
"I don't know! It just seemed like a thing to do. I wasn't really that interested to begin with. I was just bored or lonely or something. And she is pretty."
"She's pretty... and she's smart?"
"Yeah, she's smart… really smart."
"Pretty and smart! What's the problem?!"
"I don't know! I just don't like her, that's all. We're friends, she's a nice person and everything, I just don't feel very attached to her."
Steven and his fuzzy-faced friend were sitting in the library of the university they attended. They were supposed to be preparing to write their final papers, but were instead messing about with the computers in the research section and discussing Steven's latest significant other (or insignificant other in this case).
---
Steven had met the Smart Girl during the first week of his first quarter at university. They were both in the same communications class, even though she was a sophomore, and Steven was only a freshman. She had skipped the 7th grade, so she graduated a year early, putting her one year of education ahead of Steven, but still 3 months younger in terms of actual age. She claimed her Intelligence Quotient was scored at 133, giving her 33 points more than the average human.
Steven first noticed her when he showed up to class late on the first day of classes. He had gotten lost on his way to the room. The room numbers seemed to be arranged in no particular order, and he had a tough time finding the right door. At least, that's the excuse he used, instead of telling them his alarm clock didn't work, and he hadn't yet purchased a new one, because he was a cheap *******. He took the only empty seat he could find, which was at the front of the classroom. He plopped his backpack down on the floor, and his chair made a loud creak as he sat. He noisily unzipped his bag, pulled out his notebook, and dropped it onto the desk with a loud thud. A girl leaned over, put her finger up to her lips.
"Shhhhhhh...."
The first thing he noticed about her was that her face was perfect. There were no flaws in her face. Her face was lovely. She wore little makeup, it any. If he were romantic, he would have though her face was like that found on a fine marble statue of a goddess, sculpted by the masterful hands a divine angel. But he wasn't romantic at all, so he just though "Wow, she's hot!".
The second thing he noticed was that her eyes were a vibrant, deep, beautiful shade of blue. Not dark blue like blueberries, or bright blue like a Dodger's baseball hat, but a deep, elegant sort of blue, like a deep, elegant sea of deep, elegant, blue water that was a deep, elegant shade of deep, elegant blue.
The third thing he noticed was that her hair was done very simply and neatly. It was not curly or wavy, but gently dropped down to her shoulders. It was a pretty shade of dark brown, like that of a freshly baked brownie, except a few shades lighter, and not as sweet tasting, and without walnuts inside or powdered sugar on top, and it didn't smell quite as pleasant.
The fourth thing he noticed was that he was staring at her for far too long, and she now began to give him a 'stop-staring-at-me-you-creep' look.
He thought she was very pretty, and it was apparent that she was intelligent from the comments she made during class, so Steven thought she might be worth looking into. He had his first date with her that weekend.
---
"So what are you going to do? Break up with her?"
"I dunno, maybe."
"What for?!"
"I don't know! Stop asking! I just want to!"
Steven diverted his attention back to the paper he was supposed to be writing. He would think about the Smart Girl later.
-----
Four days before Christmas, Steven had made up his mind. He would end it as soon as he could get her alone. He considered doing it over the phone, but he tried that during Steven and the Adventure with Thirty-Seven Stitches, and we all know how well that went. He would have to do it face-to-face, so he consulted his schedule to determine when to drop the bomb.
"Hmmmm. Not the weekend, she has to work nights this weekend... and not Monday, I have to work until 11pm... I guess that leaves Tuesday... Christmas eve.... OK then."
Steven began to plan, plot, and scheme the upcoming scandal. He felt a tinge of remorse and he considered the emotions the Smart Girl would feel upon hearing the sad news. Steven pictured her pretty face in shock, staring blindly, mouth gaping in disbelief. He then imagined her becoming confused, her eyebrows furrowing to reveal deep though. Then he saw her eyebrows twist, giving her face a fierce, mean look. It always goes like that. Shock, confusion, anger, then, after the initial emotions settle would come sadness. Steven knew it would be hard on her. The tears would flow. She would cry and cry, for days, maybe weeks. Losing him would be difficult for her. He knew it. It would be difficult for anyone. She might not be able to recover. Once one been exposed to the best, one cannot go back. The loss might break her, but Steven had to do it. He didn't like being a heart breaker, but it seemed to be his lot in life. He treated it like a game. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but you always follow the rules, and play smart.
"Where should I take her on this last date? I don't want to spend too much money... but I don't want to go to the hospital, either...perhaps a movie? No, there aren't any good movies out. If I am going to movies to break up with her, it had better be a good movie, at least. I need to get something out of this... maybe a nice dinner... no, I don't want her to make a scene. Hmmm. Someplace where she can be loud, and no one will care... someplace inexpensive... someplace with enough people to be witnesses in case she assaults, but few enough to still be private.... Ah-ha!"
---
"Ready?"
"Yup, let's go!"
Steven, always the gentlemen, opened the door for his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend that chilly Christmas Eve. After she clambered in, he shut the door, then took his place in the passenger seat. They would usually take the Smart Girl's car, because Steven's beat up old Pontiac didn't run well, and the doors tended to stick shut, as is evident in the case of Steven and the Adventure with a Drive-Thru.
"Where are we going?" The Smart Girl asked dryly.
Steven thought it was obvious that the Smart Girl was excited about their Christmas Eve date, but she seemed like she was trying to pretend not be very interested. Steven knew she was far more interested in him that he was interested in her. Steven was quite arrogant, though, and may have been incorrect.
"Go south on Riverside, right on Fifth street, left turn at..." Steven gave her directions to the location of their final date, a place he thought about for a long time.
---
Steven and the Smart Girl arrived at the bowling alley.
"A bowling alley?! What kind of date is that? On Christmas Eve?!"
"Yes! It's a good place to go on Christmas Eve. Don't you know? Bowling alleys are lots of fun at Christmas time! A lot of people here! It's a party!"
"The parking lot looks empty to me..."
"Never mind, they're all inside, you'll see."
The bowling alley was the closest one to the Smart Girl's apartment. There were nicer alleys near Steven's house, but that was a bit out of the way, so he picked the one near her home. It was a crusty, run down old joint with most of the letters from the sign fallen off and paint peeling on the walls. The whole place smelled of gin an Geritol.
The handsome young man and the Smart Girl walked into the bowling alley. Inside, there were seven people. Two of them looked as if they had been in the US Civil War. Between another three of them there was about 1000lbs of blubber, and the last two were employees. One worked the register and shoe counter, the other the bar.
"Some party."
"Maybe they went to another bowling alley. This one is a bit out of the way."
"Maybe you're a bit out of your mind. But, more than likely, you're cheap *******."
Despite the Smart Girl's mean remarks, they bowled a few frames. Steven stunk at bowling. He claimed it was because he wore a size 13 shoe, and the bowling alley only had size 12 available, and although that was true, he was just no good at bowling. After the first game, Steven decided it was time. He put on his regular shoes. He wore his running shoes, in case he needed to make a quick escape.
Taking a seat at the bar, Steven began the always dangerous process of ending "the game." He ordered a shot of whiskey to get his nerves up.
"There's something I have been meaning to tell you," Steven began, "something that has been on my mind for a while." He downed the alcohol and asked for another.
"I've been thinking a lot lately, and--" before Steven could finish, he was interrupted.
"Wait, I have something to say first. I know you really like me, but I don't feel the same about you."
'What?!" Steven was completely confused, but he stayed quiet.
"To be honest, I think you're actually very arrogant and self-centered."
"WHAT?!" Steven's confusion made way to anger.
"What do you mean? Me, arrogant?! I'm not arrogant!"
"Well, you certainly act that way. And I'm tired of it. Sorry I had to do it on Christmas Eve, but I felt I had to."
"What do you mean arrogant! Self-centered? I'm not self-centered!"
"Yes, you are, and on top of that, you're a cheap *******. I have had enough. It's over."
"No! You can't do this to me!" There was anger in his voice. He was supposed to drop her, not the other way around.
"I know it's hard on you, and it seems so sudden, but I've been thinking about it for a while..."
"No, it's not supposed to work this way! I had tonight all planned out! I've been waiting for it for days! You cheated!" Steven had planned the way the game would end, and she didn't follow the rules.
"No, I--"
"You're cheating! That's not fair!"
"How dare you! I would never cheat!"
"You're cheating right now! I am supposed to-- and then you're supposed to-- not you and then--" Steven was very angry at this point. He wasn't listening to the Smart Girl. She wasn't listening to him either, apparently.
"How dare you say that to me! I've been good to you! I've never cheated! Are you calling me a whore?! I've never done.. I wouldn't.. I'm not... I... I..." She didn't what what to say next she was so angry, but it didn't matter. They were both just yelling at each other anyway. She just picked up her things and left. Steven stood up, slowly, and followed behind her, still angry. He watched through the windows on the door as she jumped into her car, and drove off in a rage."
As he saw her car sputtering away, something suddenly clicked in his mind. "Cheating" was probably not the best word to use. He meant she cheated at "the game", but she meant something else.
"Oh well, it's over."
Steven went back inside and paid his bill.
"What a waste..." he said, as he shelled out the money for the shoes, lane, and shots.
"It's not a waste, you're just a cheap *******," the alley employee glibly remarked.
Steven went outside to leave, then realized something. She had left him. He was stranded.
Steven stood outside in the empty parking lot. He just stood there for a few minutes making faces to no one in particular, before going back inside.
He couldn't call anyone, it was Christmas Eve. Well, Christmas day by now. Most of his friends went back home from college to be with their families. The bus lines didn't run this late at night. Steven didn't know what to do. He tried to think about what he could do. He didn't have enough money to pay for a taxicab, and he didn't know anyone else to call, so he started the 3 mile walk back to house. He arrived home, lay down in his bed and fell asleep.
---
The phone rang.
"Hello?" Steven asked grumpily.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" The friend who wears a hat yelled into the phone. Steven looked at the clock. It was 5:30.
"Why are you calling me at 5:30 in the morning?"
"Oh, sorry, I forgot about the time difference. It's already 8:30 here in Massachusetts."
"Well, merry bloody Christmas."
"Why are you so grumpy?"
"She left me last night."
"So? I heard you were planning on doing that anyway."
"I was planning on doing the leaving, not her."
"Did you have to do it on Christmas Eve?"
"Yes."
"Anything to get out of giving a present."
"Huh?"
"You cheap *******."
Steven hung up, and went back to sleep.
"I dunno, I just don't like her."
"Well, why not?"
"I don't know! She's just… not… interesting, I dunno… no connection, I guess you could say."
"Then why did you ask her out in the first place?"
"I don't know! It just seemed like a thing to do. I wasn't really that interested to begin with. I was just bored or lonely or something. And she is pretty."
"She's pretty... and she's smart?"
"Yeah, she's smart… really smart."
"Pretty and smart! What's the problem?!"
"I don't know! I just don't like her, that's all. We're friends, she's a nice person and everything, I just don't feel very attached to her."
Steven and his fuzzy-faced friend were sitting in the library of the university they attended. They were supposed to be preparing to write their final papers, but were instead messing about with the computers in the research section and discussing Steven's latest significant other (or insignificant other in this case).
---
Steven had met the Smart Girl during the first week of his first quarter at university. They were both in the same communications class, even though she was a sophomore, and Steven was only a freshman. She had skipped the 7th grade, so she graduated a year early, putting her one year of education ahead of Steven, but still 3 months younger in terms of actual age. She claimed her Intelligence Quotient was scored at 133, giving her 33 points more than the average human.
Steven first noticed her when he showed up to class late on the first day of classes. He had gotten lost on his way to the room. The room numbers seemed to be arranged in no particular order, and he had a tough time finding the right door. At least, that's the excuse he used, instead of telling them his alarm clock didn't work, and he hadn't yet purchased a new one, because he was a cheap *******. He took the only empty seat he could find, which was at the front of the classroom. He plopped his backpack down on the floor, and his chair made a loud creak as he sat. He noisily unzipped his bag, pulled out his notebook, and dropped it onto the desk with a loud thud. A girl leaned over, put her finger up to her lips.
"Shhhhhhh...."
The first thing he noticed about her was that her face was perfect. There were no flaws in her face. Her face was lovely. She wore little makeup, it any. If he were romantic, he would have though her face was like that found on a fine marble statue of a goddess, sculpted by the masterful hands a divine angel. But he wasn't romantic at all, so he just though "Wow, she's hot!".
The second thing he noticed was that her eyes were a vibrant, deep, beautiful shade of blue. Not dark blue like blueberries, or bright blue like a Dodger's baseball hat, but a deep, elegant sort of blue, like a deep, elegant sea of deep, elegant, blue water that was a deep, elegant shade of deep, elegant blue.
The third thing he noticed was that her hair was done very simply and neatly. It was not curly or wavy, but gently dropped down to her shoulders. It was a pretty shade of dark brown, like that of a freshly baked brownie, except a few shades lighter, and not as sweet tasting, and without walnuts inside or powdered sugar on top, and it didn't smell quite as pleasant.
The fourth thing he noticed was that he was staring at her for far too long, and she now began to give him a 'stop-staring-at-me-you-creep' look.
He thought she was very pretty, and it was apparent that she was intelligent from the comments she made during class, so Steven thought she might be worth looking into. He had his first date with her that weekend.
---
"So what are you going to do? Break up with her?"
"I dunno, maybe."
"What for?!"
"I don't know! Stop asking! I just want to!"
Steven diverted his attention back to the paper he was supposed to be writing. He would think about the Smart Girl later.
-----
Four days before Christmas, Steven had made up his mind. He would end it as soon as he could get her alone. He considered doing it over the phone, but he tried that during Steven and the Adventure with Thirty-Seven Stitches, and we all know how well that went. He would have to do it face-to-face, so he consulted his schedule to determine when to drop the bomb.
"Hmmmm. Not the weekend, she has to work nights this weekend... and not Monday, I have to work until 11pm... I guess that leaves Tuesday... Christmas eve.... OK then."
Steven began to plan, plot, and scheme the upcoming scandal. He felt a tinge of remorse and he considered the emotions the Smart Girl would feel upon hearing the sad news. Steven pictured her pretty face in shock, staring blindly, mouth gaping in disbelief. He then imagined her becoming confused, her eyebrows furrowing to reveal deep though. Then he saw her eyebrows twist, giving her face a fierce, mean look. It always goes like that. Shock, confusion, anger, then, after the initial emotions settle would come sadness. Steven knew it would be hard on her. The tears would flow. She would cry and cry, for days, maybe weeks. Losing him would be difficult for her. He knew it. It would be difficult for anyone. She might not be able to recover. Once one been exposed to the best, one cannot go back. The loss might break her, but Steven had to do it. He didn't like being a heart breaker, but it seemed to be his lot in life. He treated it like a game. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but you always follow the rules, and play smart.
"Where should I take her on this last date? I don't want to spend too much money... but I don't want to go to the hospital, either...perhaps a movie? No, there aren't any good movies out. If I am going to movies to break up with her, it had better be a good movie, at least. I need to get something out of this... maybe a nice dinner... no, I don't want her to make a scene. Hmmm. Someplace where she can be loud, and no one will care... someplace inexpensive... someplace with enough people to be witnesses in case she assaults, but few enough to still be private.... Ah-ha!"
---
"Ready?"
"Yup, let's go!"
Steven, always the gentlemen, opened the door for his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend that chilly Christmas Eve. After she clambered in, he shut the door, then took his place in the passenger seat. They would usually take the Smart Girl's car, because Steven's beat up old Pontiac didn't run well, and the doors tended to stick shut, as is evident in the case of Steven and the Adventure with a Drive-Thru.
"Where are we going?" The Smart Girl asked dryly.
Steven thought it was obvious that the Smart Girl was excited about their Christmas Eve date, but she seemed like she was trying to pretend not be very interested. Steven knew she was far more interested in him that he was interested in her. Steven was quite arrogant, though, and may have been incorrect.
"Go south on Riverside, right on Fifth street, left turn at..." Steven gave her directions to the location of their final date, a place he thought about for a long time.
---
Steven and the Smart Girl arrived at the bowling alley.
"A bowling alley?! What kind of date is that? On Christmas Eve?!"
"Yes! It's a good place to go on Christmas Eve. Don't you know? Bowling alleys are lots of fun at Christmas time! A lot of people here! It's a party!"
"The parking lot looks empty to me..."
"Never mind, they're all inside, you'll see."
The bowling alley was the closest one to the Smart Girl's apartment. There were nicer alleys near Steven's house, but that was a bit out of the way, so he picked the one near her home. It was a crusty, run down old joint with most of the letters from the sign fallen off and paint peeling on the walls. The whole place smelled of gin an Geritol.
The handsome young man and the Smart Girl walked into the bowling alley. Inside, there were seven people. Two of them looked as if they had been in the US Civil War. Between another three of them there was about 1000lbs of blubber, and the last two were employees. One worked the register and shoe counter, the other the bar.
"Some party."
"Maybe they went to another bowling alley. This one is a bit out of the way."
"Maybe you're a bit out of your mind. But, more than likely, you're cheap *******."
Despite the Smart Girl's mean remarks, they bowled a few frames. Steven stunk at bowling. He claimed it was because he wore a size 13 shoe, and the bowling alley only had size 12 available, and although that was true, he was just no good at bowling. After the first game, Steven decided it was time. He put on his regular shoes. He wore his running shoes, in case he needed to make a quick escape.
Taking a seat at the bar, Steven began the always dangerous process of ending "the game." He ordered a shot of whiskey to get his nerves up.
"There's something I have been meaning to tell you," Steven began, "something that has been on my mind for a while." He downed the alcohol and asked for another.
"I've been thinking a lot lately, and--" before Steven could finish, he was interrupted.
"Wait, I have something to say first. I know you really like me, but I don't feel the same about you."
'What?!" Steven was completely confused, but he stayed quiet.
"To be honest, I think you're actually very arrogant and self-centered."
"WHAT?!" Steven's confusion made way to anger.
"What do you mean? Me, arrogant?! I'm not arrogant!"
"Well, you certainly act that way. And I'm tired of it. Sorry I had to do it on Christmas Eve, but I felt I had to."
"What do you mean arrogant! Self-centered? I'm not self-centered!"
"Yes, you are, and on top of that, you're a cheap *******. I have had enough. It's over."
"No! You can't do this to me!" There was anger in his voice. He was supposed to drop her, not the other way around.
"I know it's hard on you, and it seems so sudden, but I've been thinking about it for a while..."
"No, it's not supposed to work this way! I had tonight all planned out! I've been waiting for it for days! You cheated!" Steven had planned the way the game would end, and she didn't follow the rules.
"No, I--"
"You're cheating! That's not fair!"
"How dare you! I would never cheat!"
"You're cheating right now! I am supposed to-- and then you're supposed to-- not you and then--" Steven was very angry at this point. He wasn't listening to the Smart Girl. She wasn't listening to him either, apparently.
"How dare you say that to me! I've been good to you! I've never cheated! Are you calling me a whore?! I've never done.. I wouldn't.. I'm not... I... I..." She didn't what what to say next she was so angry, but it didn't matter. They were both just yelling at each other anyway. She just picked up her things and left. Steven stood up, slowly, and followed behind her, still angry. He watched through the windows on the door as she jumped into her car, and drove off in a rage."
As he saw her car sputtering away, something suddenly clicked in his mind. "Cheating" was probably not the best word to use. He meant she cheated at "the game", but she meant something else.
"Oh well, it's over."
Steven went back inside and paid his bill.
"What a waste..." he said, as he shelled out the money for the shoes, lane, and shots.
"It's not a waste, you're just a cheap *******," the alley employee glibly remarked.
Steven went outside to leave, then realized something. She had left him. He was stranded.
Steven stood outside in the empty parking lot. He just stood there for a few minutes making faces to no one in particular, before going back inside.
He couldn't call anyone, it was Christmas Eve. Well, Christmas day by now. Most of his friends went back home from college to be with their families. The bus lines didn't run this late at night. Steven didn't know what to do. He tried to think about what he could do. He didn't have enough money to pay for a taxicab, and he didn't know anyone else to call, so he started the 3 mile walk back to house. He arrived home, lay down in his bed and fell asleep.
---
The phone rang.
"Hello?" Steven asked grumpily.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" The friend who wears a hat yelled into the phone. Steven looked at the clock. It was 5:30.
"Why are you calling me at 5:30 in the morning?"
"Oh, sorry, I forgot about the time difference. It's already 8:30 here in Massachusetts."
"Well, merry bloody Christmas."
"Why are you so grumpy?"
"She left me last night."
"So? I heard you were planning on doing that anyway."
"I was planning on doing the leaving, not her."
"Did you have to do it on Christmas Eve?"
"Yes."
"Anything to get out of giving a present."
"Huh?"
"You cheap *******."
Steven hung up, and went back to sleep.
