Hello folks, I've decided to kill Axecrasher and replace the name with Negative85 or 'Negative Reaction' as it represents a) my music taste, b) the fact I seem to pity myself when things don't go my way - i'll get to that and c) Im just plain old me.
I have decided for a change for a whole lot of reasons and this has been building up for months and life seems to have more meaning. Firstly reading the thread 'Goals Of 2007' the other day - I rember putting getting a job on the top of that list and the good news is, i've got one. Its at the local hospital in the Linen/Laundary department which is okay, the chaps who work they are okay. Thats fine (however right this moment Its the only thing Im happy about).
Being unemployed just about blows to high extend. Before I was interveiwed for the hopsital job, I was booked on to this Gateway to Work thingy (guess the dole thought I needed help). I thought ah - could make friends and such. I then finally get told about this course (before my chat with the advisor person) I learn the fact and plan to get the most out of it.
(I'd like to point out that I have been posting on Massassi for a long time and five years ago under the name 'therealcja', I posted a similar thread where I poured emtion out). What is written below is what Im feeling. I aint making this up at all
Sadly this course becomes an emotional headace and this great plan for this course backfires and I pinned so so much on this course and allowed me to take my mind of my hospital interview. It aint long until trouble comes along in from a member of the opposite sex. On the second day, at the end of the day, im standing at the platform at Folkestone Central, listeing to some Type O Negative, eating the remants of my packed lunch and this terrified young woman (I shake - cause it was something I'd knew would happen). I find out about this person and that her name was Kellie (we had been staring at each other all day - so there was curiosity, thats human). We have chat (I did most of the talking) and she says very little, found out she had boyfriend (thats fine) and such. I think no more of it.
Few days later, I realise I really like this girl, but a) she has boyfriend (and I want to respect that) b) I have only known her a week. Sadly this is not the only problem, I have to deal with. I also had to put out with stick from two guys who used to bully me at school. For some reason they had little digs at me (god knows why) and ignore it. However I get fed up of the jokes and start throwing the jokes back.
Now this is where it seems to go downhill. This girl Kellie (who atcully at this point that her relationship with boyfriend is breaking up) and this gets the guys attention and start flirting with her and claim I like her (and even though they don't think its really true) and this involves the two lads in question. They all end up acting like kids and she completely loses any intrest in me (not that bothered).
I know seemingly that my emtions towars liking this girl threw me off the ball and thing is, that I decided not to chase like the other guys and well I should have been open-ended but well. This is quite difficult to explain (ask questions if baffled :)). Know im unhappy because I could not be able to handle the situation in the right way and feel like I let her slip away. She has no longer has boyfriend and I feel like I missed the boat. I also did not seem to feel vibes - now looking at it she was an attractive woman who wanted to find a quick way of moving on, and Im left with the humble feeling that I made the wrong judgements. My pal Matt (whom I befriended on this same course) says I should let it pass, but its difficult and just thinking about it upsets me
As for the course, it was rubbish anyway - I did not need to be thrown on to a JCP program, I do everyting I can to get a job. I consider this a valuable lesson for myself and others and if you like someone (be open about it). I must also think twice about what I like from a woman and try to understand that some women (or if you'r female a man) and if they just had a relationship break-up they want to get over it quickly.
However everyone at home seems that Im chasing after some little girl who just wants fun. I feel empty and despite the fact I've got a job - I cant seem to pull myself together. I've decided to make this into a thread so people can give me advice and help me get through this.
In the past people have been supportive, and I need your support. I know this makes no sense and if anyone can cheer me up or even suggest what I should do. I would apperiecate it. Over the years the support of Massassi members has been sometimes strong and five years ago I was going through a tough time. I'd also like thank everyone for that.
Thanks to Massassi and Brian in particular for allowing us to have a forum to discuss everything. You are a big help
I have decided for a change for a whole lot of reasons and this has been building up for months and life seems to have more meaning. Firstly reading the thread 'Goals Of 2007' the other day - I rember putting getting a job on the top of that list and the good news is, i've got one. Its at the local hospital in the Linen/Laundary department which is okay, the chaps who work they are okay. Thats fine (however right this moment Its the only thing Im happy about).
Being unemployed just about blows to high extend. Before I was interveiwed for the hopsital job, I was booked on to this Gateway to Work thingy (guess the dole thought I needed help). I thought ah - could make friends and such. I then finally get told about this course (before my chat with the advisor person) I learn the fact and plan to get the most out of it.
(I'd like to point out that I have been posting on Massassi for a long time and five years ago under the name 'therealcja', I posted a similar thread where I poured emtion out). What is written below is what Im feeling. I aint making this up at all
Sadly this course becomes an emotional headace and this great plan for this course backfires and I pinned so so much on this course and allowed me to take my mind of my hospital interview. It aint long until trouble comes along in from a member of the opposite sex. On the second day, at the end of the day, im standing at the platform at Folkestone Central, listeing to some Type O Negative, eating the remants of my packed lunch and this terrified young woman (I shake - cause it was something I'd knew would happen). I find out about this person and that her name was Kellie (we had been staring at each other all day - so there was curiosity, thats human). We have chat (I did most of the talking) and she says very little, found out she had boyfriend (thats fine) and such. I think no more of it.
Few days later, I realise I really like this girl, but a) she has boyfriend (and I want to respect that) b) I have only known her a week. Sadly this is not the only problem, I have to deal with. I also had to put out with stick from two guys who used to bully me at school. For some reason they had little digs at me (god knows why) and ignore it. However I get fed up of the jokes and start throwing the jokes back.
Now this is where it seems to go downhill. This girl Kellie (who atcully at this point that her relationship with boyfriend is breaking up) and this gets the guys attention and start flirting with her and claim I like her (and even though they don't think its really true) and this involves the two lads in question. They all end up acting like kids and she completely loses any intrest in me (not that bothered).
I know seemingly that my emtions towars liking this girl threw me off the ball and thing is, that I decided not to chase like the other guys and well I should have been open-ended but well. This is quite difficult to explain (ask questions if baffled :)). Know im unhappy because I could not be able to handle the situation in the right way and feel like I let her slip away. She has no longer has boyfriend and I feel like I missed the boat. I also did not seem to feel vibes - now looking at it she was an attractive woman who wanted to find a quick way of moving on, and Im left with the humble feeling that I made the wrong judgements. My pal Matt (whom I befriended on this same course) says I should let it pass, but its difficult and just thinking about it upsets me
As for the course, it was rubbish anyway - I did not need to be thrown on to a JCP program, I do everyting I can to get a job. I consider this a valuable lesson for myself and others and if you like someone (be open about it). I must also think twice about what I like from a woman and try to understand that some women (or if you'r female a man) and if they just had a relationship break-up they want to get over it quickly. However everyone at home seems that Im chasing after some little girl who just wants fun. I feel empty and despite the fact I've got a job - I cant seem to pull myself together. I've decided to make this into a thread so people can give me advice and help me get through this.
In the past people have been supportive, and I need your support. I know this makes no sense and if anyone can cheer me up or even suggest what I should do. I would apperiecate it. Over the years the support of Massassi members has been sometimes strong and five years ago I was going through a tough time. I'd also like thank everyone for that.
Thanks to Massassi and Brian in particular for allowing us to have a forum to discuss everything. You are a big help
