A friend of mine posted this on his blog, and I thought it was pretty funny. Enjoy!
[INDENT]Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food!
9:30 am - A car ride!
9:40 am - A walk in the park!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted!
12:00 pm - Lunch!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail!
5:00 pm - Milk bones!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
[/INDENT]
[INDENT]Excerpts from a Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food!
9:30 am - A car ride!
9:40 am - A walk in the park!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted!
12:00 pm - Lunch!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail!
5:00 pm - Milk bones!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly.
I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
[/INDENT]
"Harriet, sweet Harriet - hard-hearted harbinger of haggis."
