Our story begins almost precisely one year ago to this day. Like most stories of its type, it involves a woman. I was at a summer camp relatively near to where I live for what was to be my last year. While there, I met this girl who, while at times frustrating, changed my life thereafter and for whom I fell in what I can only suppose was love. Being a typical Massassian in this respect, I had never kissed anyone before, and during the last week of the camp, when we were alone on a gothic styled rooftop and I had just asked her out, she agreed, but when I went to kiss her, as she had never done so either, she gave me a "Not tonight". She later told me that she had been afraid and had wanted it to be "perfect", I should have picked up on this there, but I too was somewhat hesitant. I wasn't really all that alone with her since. So camp ended, and she went back home, a thousand miles away. In some letter she had meant to give me earlier, but only gave me at the camp's last dance during which she refused to dance with me (which she later claimed had to do with a bra problem), she confessed that she had been helplessly in love with me but had taken advantage of her time with me, and although I'm not describing it well enough, I was in a position to believe her. Take it as the truth for the purposes of the discussion. Anyway, her first kiss was later shared with someone else.

I, the antagonized chevalier that I am, passed up several opportunities that had since come my way, ever dreaming of a glorious reunion. That reunion came earlier today, but it was far from glorious. I'm at another college program, this time at Penn State, PA (I lied about the whole British thing first as youthful privacy/admiration of the culture, and then just as a big joke), and as she was on her way from a summer camp in North Carolina that had just ended back to her home state of Iowa, she decided to come and pay me a visit.

She did so, and I was ecstatic upon seeing her again, but from the beginning she never really looked at me or into my eyes or anything. When I put my arm around her when we'd walk she'd drift away, and it finally came to light that she did in fact have a boyfriend back home. This is entirely understandable. It would have been unreasonably stupid of me to expect that she was to forego people she saw every day for one she saw every year. But still, this was a humongous cosmic joke of which I was the subject. Everything finally worked out... except for the part about us actually having a good time together, and I felt betrayed by circumstance and generally miserable, and she was sad about the situation, and then I was caught by counselors idling around as I had been signed out on a technicality to go to a computer lab to do work, which meant that I was very well eligible for expulsion, so I just walked towards the building, and as soon as I was out of sight, I ran. I never looked back. I ran and ran until I couldn't think anymore, and finally got to the lab, where I milled around for a good while to make sure the g men weren't after me still. Then I headed back and slept for several hours.

As soon as this happened, she called her parents and they hit the road. I was miserable for a good part of the rest of the day, I missed two meals, and then the next thing I knew I was wondering downtown looking for her hotel, which I didn't realize until much later was pretty far away, and I was just about to call her tonight, when I found out that she was online, and was in fact in Ohio.

What now?

mention to her that you liked her the year before, and was hoping for something more at camp. damn it man, i can't think of what else to tell you, except that this happens to me all the time, I'll fal for a girl, and then find out she just wants a friendship, hope you can handle it more then me

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What happens when you cast heal on the undead?

Thanks for the support, Genki.

I don't understand the bit about the counsellors (probably not relevant anyways), but I can't see much harm in giving her a call as long as you don't expect anything to develop or start to profess your undying love . From what you write, she sounds like she was uneasy at meeting you again, maybe because of what happened previously.

That's understandable, as it appears she didn't put quite as much stock into previous events as you did and she was probably unsure of what to do when faced with what I'm assuming was a great deal of eagerness from you. Also take into consideration that she has moved on.

What do you hope to gain from calling her? Closure? Possible new friend?

The experience will probably sting for a bit, but just play it by ear and ignore everyones' advice. You'll end up doing what you want anyway, which is the best way to find out how to deal with things like this.

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Run: forgetting passwords and stuffing up profiles on a regular basis.

As much as it would be the romantic thing to do, and sit and wait...I would just let it go.

Seeing how..there will be another year gap before the next reunion, and you never know what situations ya'll would be in then, I would spill the beans now. I sure she has figured it out already...she is a girl She can probably tell that, that same chemistry isnt there, and it is really because of her current situation. Just let her know, that through the year you thought so much of her, and you were really looking forward to something special this summer. Tell her, even though it couldnt be, you are extremly happy for her...cause you should be, if you like her this much. I think ya'll could make a really great friendship out of this. She obviously cares for you to stop by and see you on her way home.

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In Tribute to Adam Sliger. Rest in Peace

10/7/85 - 12/9/03

since some of you are on the verge of heating up tar and gathering feathers to tar and feather me, I'll be brief and to the point.

You had your chance and didn't take it, so she moved on. She already knows that you are into her b/c you tried to ask her out and everything, so there is no reason to tell her, so don't.

She did not get into it when you tried to get physical plus she camwe up with obviously bulls*** excuses when you tried to dance with her and tried to kiss her, so that alone is enough to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the interest isn't there, and probably will never be, knowing how these things go.

I suggest moving on, this prospect is dead.


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I have found that you can transform your character solely by the power of belief: as you believe yourself to be, so you shall become over time.

[This message has been edited by Pagewizard_YKS (edited July 25, 2004).]

PageWizard, when I typed this up, I was trying to imagine what your repsonse would be, as Ir eally wanted your perspective on it. Whenever you comment on other people's threads that are of a similar nature, although you may take some flak for being very to the point about it, I usually end up seeing at least some grounding in what you've said, but I really can't agree all that much with this reply, since you don't seem to understand the particulars of the situation all that well.

Like always, I give advice based on the provided info. However, situtaions like this tend to turn oput the same way rather consistantly. I've seen them happen, and i've ben in a few of them in the past, and it never went well for me. Your situation sounded a lot like one of my past learning-curve experiences, so I'm applying what i learned from what happened to me.



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I have found that you can transform your character solely by the power of belief: as you believe yourself to be, so you shall become over time.

[blah]. How can you say he had his chance, we he just said that he made an attempt to kiss her? You make it seem like he was a blind man who couldnt see what was going on. He obviously did, and that is why he tried to kiss her. Good one Rico Suave.

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In Tribute to Adam Sliger. Rest in Peace

10/7/85 - 12/9/03

[This message has been edited by Ubuu (edited July 25, 2004).]

Sluts and Hookers don't count as being in close to have a good relationship with a woman.


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In Tribute to Adam Sliger. Rest in Peace

10/7/85 - 12/9/03

True, but I suppose I'm not 'assertive' enough to force myself upon a woman in a situation like that. And technically speaking (that is, in no relation to this situation), if a woman knows you love her, is there no reason for you to tell her again?



I suppose so.

Aye.

I say do whatever you feel like now. If it works out for you, great. If it doesn't, I'd bet after a year you'll have gotten over her gradually anyways.


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WAITER: Here’s your green salad, sir.
ANAKIN: What? You fool, I told you NO CROUTONS! Aaaaaaargh!

[This message has been edited by Flexor (edited July 25, 2004).]

By chance, I meant he should have made a move as soon as he was interested in her instead of waiting. strike while the iron is hot, in other words.

And i never advocate telling a woman you love her early on b/c it kills her interest in you. See, a lot of what keeps her interest high is that she doesn't know where she stands with you, and she will do anything to find out. However, when she does, it kills the intrigue b/c the mystery is over. This may sound like a sneaky game, but in reality, it should not have to be done this way, but it must. The rules of nature canot be denied, and women are usually challenge-oriented people. They live for anything that is exciting and unpredictable. However, this creates a problem-- Men are told to be nice guys and to confess their feelings, which is unargumentably anti-mysterious and very predictable. It's like giving someone a gun and they end up shooting their own foot off with it. My advice of being mysterious and keeping your thoughts to yourself is something that i've found to be effective in patching this problem.

Many other male animals of different species go through seemingly elaborate activities to get the females of their species. You must understand that humans still aren't much different. Most of this stuff seems needless, but that's like saying that the bright blue feathers on a male peacock are useless and needless. It's the same principle, but applied in different ways. Female peacocks live for bright blue-green feathers, human women live for challenge.


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I have found that you can transform your character solely by the power of belief: as you believe yourself to be, so you shall become over time.



[This message has been edited by Pagewizard_YKS (edited July 25, 2004).]

Thanks for the advice, PageWizard, I shall keep this in mind.

My sterling chivalry has brought me nothing but despair. Whenever I win the eye of some girl, less principled guys swarm in from every direction and win the day, and I find myself as little more than some intellectual whore.

No, no, no, no. Don't you even blame this on chivalry. I open doors for women, help them with their chair, offer them my coat when it is cold, and walk on the outside of the curb on the sidewalk(among other things) but I still don't have problems with finding a woman who enjoys being around me. Same when it comes to the intelligence. I think the main problem here is you set your sights on one girl and only one girl and missed signs that it was time to move on.

I could go on and on, but I really don't feel like being condecending right now. If you want help on how to avoid situations like that in the future, I can.

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Kieran: The reason I put a link to it is because she is in underwear and I know the admins are touchy on that.
Yecti: Jaiph will touch himself for hours if he so much as smells a woman's underwear

-_- When I said chivalry, I didn't mean that opening doors for women lost me their interest. I meant my chevalier mindset. I can't explain it well enough to do it justice.

Let me try: You aren't used to being around women that have an interest in you so when you do finally meet one that has an interest in you, you cling to her as long as you can because you don't know when the next woman that is going to show interest in you will come along. Was I close?

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Kieran: The reason I put a link to it is because she is in underwear and I know the admins are touchy on that.
Yecti: Jaiph will touch himself for hours if he so much as smells a woman's underwear

[This message has been edited by Kieran Horn (edited July 25, 2004).]

What Run said. Situations like this are always too complex to really put down in words so the input you'll get here will be partly blinded by that. Best to let your emotions settle a bit, step outside the situation and think how you would advise someone about this.

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Cantina Cloud | BCF | The Massassian 1, 2 & 3 | Gonkmeg
Corrupting the kiddies since '97

NM about the site I put here previously. There are a few things that need to be worked out with that place.

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Kieran: The reason I put a link to it is because she is in underwear and I know the admins are touchy on that.
Yecti: Jaiph will touch himself for hours if he so much as smells a woman's underwear

[This message has been edited by Kieran Horn (edited July 25, 2004).]

Hell yes. I'm too used to be the hopeless admirer or pointless friend than the admired.

If you want help to get out of that trend, e-mail me and I'll see what I can do for you.

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Kieran: The reason I put a link to it is because she is in underwear and I know the admins are touchy on that.
Yecti: Jaiph will touch himself for hours if he so much as smells a woman's underwear

Thanks.

I've been in this kind of place. Yes, it sucks. Yes, you feel like ****. But as much as you'd like to, you can't change how she feels. Frankly, I don't see any harm in telling her exactly how you felt/feel, but you should be good and prepared for her to say that she simply doesn't feel the same way.

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"A drug person can learn to handle such things as seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth. But no one should be asked to deal with this trip."
-Raoul Duke, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

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Have a good one,
Freelancer

So...she already has a boyfriend?
What can you do?

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"Bantha's are filthy animals.......I don't eat filthy animals."

"Laugh it up Fuzzball!"
-Han Solo

OK, so I've only read the first post, and Page's reply.

First off, I'm actually inclined to agree with Page (shock! horror! ), not for his reasons, but just along the lines of what Ubuu said.

The ship has sailed, and I reckon you're in for more grief if you don't just let this one go.

Sorry mate.

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If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards.

Now having read up on the rest of the thread, I can tell you one thing, KEEP your chevalier attitude: It may not yield instant results (God that sounds horrible, but bear with me), but an attitude like that will eventually land you the sweetest of girls, and all your mates who are less respectable will be slack-jawed with envy when you find her.

Your posts definitely remind me of myself when I was younger and eventually I landed a relationship with a stunner for 4 years. Best times of my life. You'll get something great too if you're nice

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If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards.