So, I was just walking through my dark room, barefoot, moments ago when all of a sudden I felt something cold and seemingly wet underfoot... Instantly I recall the fact that I didn't have anything to spill to make a wet spot so I glance down and I see the faint shadow of something long crawling across the floor near the wall... SO, I flip on the lights, grab the 16" Enfield bayonet I had propped up nearby and proceeded to smash it's head with the flat metal tip on the scabbard till it stopped moving. Close inspection indicated it was some form of centipede. Despite having a flattened head and apparently a paralyzed half of it's body, it was still somewhat moving so I got it up in a half-folded magazine, took it to the toilet and flushed it.

****ing multi-legged bastards! *Shudders*

I am assuming it came in from somewhere else in the house and came to my room via the big gap under my door based on it's rough trajectory. I hear their bite can a bit stingy...like bee stingy.

Anybody else with bug stories?

I was once merrily sitting on a public toilet, dropping my loads of bombs o' power when all of a sudden I stopped. And if that wasn't scary enough, after I got up I noticed that there was a spider web on the toilet's edge closest to my butt and it seemed like the spider was beginning to crawl inside my gracious large arse. What a jerk.

That wasn't as annoying as noticing that my bed had been invaded by ants back in 1995, though.

The dark room incident never happened without pictures, unfortunately.

It was a bad mistake you didn't take one.

I think I speak for everyone here when I ask why didn't you eat it?

/me waits for Jin to contribute.

I was sitting at my computer once, and at one point I looked down and there was thus huge ***, long (hair-thin) legged spiders sittle on my left pectoral climbing up at me like HI!

Smashed it and dirtied my shirt. ****ing spiders.

Silverfish are gross too.

I, too, am waiting for Jin's contribution to this thread.

When I was younger, my friend and I were happily kicking dandelions in a field when I happened to kick one that had a wasp sitting on it. The little bugger latched on to my little toe and started stinging me. It stung me twice before I was able to bury it in some nearby sand, thus releasing it from my toe. Not long after, I found out I was allergic to wasps.

I have numerous spider stories, but I never kill the spider. I run from them and hope someone else does the dirty work. It's more in the fact that I'm scared to death of them. ...and it figures I'm dating a guy who loves spiders. I made it clear that, while we're together, he is not to get a pet tarantula. *shudder*

Awww I'm sure he just wanted to use the tarantula to tickle you while you were mating!

A 16' bayonet is pretty damn long.

I know, but pictures don't just appear out of thin air if you don't have a camera...



*Fixes the typo made sometime after 2 AM*

jin needs to post his latest spider story, or i'll dig up the logs on it

I just pulled this old gas tank down from a top shelf in my garage.

Now this is up over my head even on a step ladder, I get the thing tilted off the edge and begin my descent and A FRESH ****ING SNAKE SKIN SLIDES OFF THE TOP AND HITS ME IN THE FACE. It's dark in that corner, I thought it was a real snake. I fall back land on my ***, tank hits me in the face.

Thank goodness I didn't dent the ****er. That thing is going on my suzuki for street use.

A while ago, just before going to bed, I was making a cup of tea and some toast. The kettle had boiled so I picked it up to pour the water into my cup. As I was placing it back on its stand I notice part of it was moving. I dropped the kettle and jumped back as a large, shiney black spider spasm'd toward me. I spray the interior and exterior of my house with SPIDER DEATH SPRAY because spiders make me wince and quiver like a little girl, so when the spiders do manage to get in here they're usually already dieing.

It fell from the bench in quite a clumsy manner and began to crawl towards me. In a panic, I threw a shoe at it. And missed. I aquired another shoe and dropped it on the spider from a height, squishing him right good. I felt too tired to get the vacuum cleaner out (see, I'm still having trouble physically touching something that's touching the spider when I move it out of the house) so I put an empty bottle on it. But I could still see it through the glass, so I put some paper towel over it. After a few days of attempting to avoid the bottle in the middle of my kitchen, I eventually kicked the bottle over and decided to clean it up. I even managed to touch the paper towel I used to pick it up off the floor with!


One time I went to have a shower in the morning and there was a big huntsman spider on the floor. It scared me so much I didn't shower that day and waited for it to die proper at the bottom of the shower. I eventually vacuumed it up, but for two weeks I couldn't shower without staring at the ceiling (there's a vent above the shower that goes into the roof).

I still never put the front of the case back on my computer after that other incident.

Hmm... When you spoke of a dark room, I thought you meant one of those you use for developing photos. Thus I found it peculiar you didn't take a photo, and now, furthermore, you say you don't even have a camera... I guess you just meant a room lacking lighting, instead. My mistake.

Eugh, truth. My room in the halls last year had a mini-infestation of these little bastards. Killed them as often as I could. Happily my flat doesn't share this problem.

The only real related story I have for this thread happened to my Dad while we were on holiday a couple of years ago. We were staying in a small villa next to a farm in the countryside surrounding a small town in Spain. I got up one morning and he shared this little tale, and I'm sure all the guys reading this will react the same way I did.

So he was in his bed trying to get to sleep, and he feels something on top of his underpants, next to the family jewels. He reaches under the sheets to see what it is, and it's quite small. Feels a bit like cardboard. So he picks it up and drops it on the floor and tries to get back to sleep. But curiosity overwhelms him, and he wants to know what it was, so he turns on the bedside lamp and looks down.

It was a scorpion.

*Cringe* D:

Ugh, house centipedes are my kryptonite.

So, something crawls on top of his scrotum, he only picks it up and drops it on the floor and, simple curiosity aside, isn't actually concerned that there was SOMETHING CRAWLING AROUND NEXT TO HIS BALLS? Is he hoping for a Darwin Award or something? Maybe living in an area infested with dozens of potentially deadly snakes and spiders has just made me paranoid...

Another: My mom ordered me to water all her plants on the front porch. As I come to the last one, a handing basket next to a hummingbird feeder, I spot...scales. Upon a careful inspection from range, a snake has curled up in the basket, probably waiting for a hummingbird to come by. After driving it from the basket, off the porch, and down to the ground, it was beaten and stabbed through the head with my Kabar. We still aren't sure just WHAT it was... Either a copperhead, a water moccasin, or some random watersnake. Given that two of the three are life threatening, it's easy to say better safe than sorry.

Another: On time, me and my dad were out fishing on the swamp/lake that is in front of my house. We were tied up to a cypress tree. I'm in the front of the boat, the tied part that is. I glance over at the tree and freeze. Not three feet from my head at eye level is a water moccasin sitting on a low branch eyeballing me. We slowly untied the boat and drifted away from it. To this day, I make a thorough inspection of every semi-low limb I even so much as pass under at a decent pace out there.

Bearing in mind that he was half asleep, and it wasn't crawling. It was just...there. Besides, we're Brits. The only poisonous thing we have in our house is my cooking.

I remember on my wedding night, and we had just left the church and went to our apartment to change clothes before driving to the hotel, and she was in the bedroom and screamed, so I ran in there, and on the floor was a scorpion! I hadn't ever seen a live scorpion "in the wild" as it were, but he wasn't too big and the pounding of my size 11 shoe ended his life without incident.

Just a couple of weeks ago I left my PC to get a glass of water, and when I returned there was a large (about 2" across) spider on the wall that my desk is pushed up against. It was in a hard to reach spot, so I tried to kill it with an empty CD spindle (all I had handy). I got a piece of it and left a leg on my wall, but the damned thing ran away into the rat's nest of wires behind my desk. I never found it :gonk:. I'm sure it's still back there, regaining it's strength, and plotting revenge against the human who crippled it.

Also, yeah, centipedes are one of the bugs that I just absolutely can't stand. They're so freaking fast, and always seem to run right toward me.

The spider probably entered an opening in the back of the PC and is integrating itself with your hardware, becoming...

ROBOSPIDER!!

What would happen if a centipede was bitten by a radioactive spider?

The apocalypse.

I woke up once to find that there was a centipede on my bare stomach...

I have never gotten out of bed so quickly in my life (while flailing like a madman)

So me and my dad were driving our John Deere Gator around the edge of the woods around our house a few weeks ago. As we pass under some high branches, daddy slows down a small amount and starts rubbing his head, as if he had a spider web on him. I look over and almost die.

There was a huge spider, I think it was a Golden Orb Weaver, entangled in its own web, hanging and bobbing around just behind daddy's ear. I scream, grab my Halo novel, and take a flying leap from the moving vehicle, land in a crouch, and dart away a good 50 ft.

Meanwhile, my dad is clueless. Asking me what my problem is. I just proceed to freak and yell "BIG SPIDER ON YOUR HEAD!!" over and over. Only at this time, the web entangled spider has fallen to the seat where I was just sitting. My dad stops the Gator, and then proceeds to kill the spider, make sure the web is all off of him, and the Gator.

I eventually felt safe enough to return to the Gator and continue the ride.

Minutes later, still driving about. I am avidly watching all branches for ANY sign of these spiders. Daddy is completely ignoring them. He starts to drive into another huge web that I've spotted. I start saying, "Stop... Stop! STOP STOP STOOOOOP!!!!" And eventually have to slam my foot on the brake myself.

From that point on, I took over the Gator, and drove straight back to the house. And I made sure I was a minimum of 50 ft away from all overhanging branches.

If you hadn't guessed. I'm almost severly arachniphobic.

there's a huge spider outside Tate Modern.

SPIDERMAN

i used to hate insects (spiders and centipedes the most), but after living with them for so long, i've kinda gotten used to them. there are so many centipedes in my apartment... i see on average about 2 baby house centipedes a day, and a big one every two days or so. when i see them, i dont even bother to do anything about them anymore. i've almost come to respect them, since i've heard they prey on other pests like cockroaches and spiders.

also, bobbert, holy **** that is a nice house centipede specimen.

i wrote a poem about a spider experience.

“Routine Interrupted”

Every day the routine is the same
Get up go to the bathroom
Turn on shower unclog drain

Little did i expect you to be there
Little guy nestled in the bottom
Among the wad of hair

Just before i reached in
You crawled out of the hole
Your hiding place had been

'What am I to do,' I thought
Still groggy from my slumber
I was overwrought

Then with the shower hose
I tired to drown you
But you avoided all the blows

'Calm yourself,' I said
To myself, 'Do I
Really want it dead?'

I went and got a drinking cup
And some stiff paper trapped
You between and picked you up

Taking you outside
I released you to the grass
To where ever you could hide

And now that you are in the wild
Guess what I saw this morning
It must have been your child.

Once as a kid we were driving back from a family holiday. So the boot is packed, and there's us three kids stuffed in the back seats and we're all stuck in a night-time traffic jam on that main road that goes by Stonehenge; when there's a really loud clattering/buzzing noise and something flies in through the window and smacks into the seat by my sister.
She freaks out, starts screaming and trying to get as far away as possible inside the car and my parents are shouting at me to get rid of whatever it is.
So I shove my hand down behind my sister's back where it's somewhere in the dark and try to grab it. It starts biting the crap out of my hand. I finally get a good grip and get a fairly good look before I fling it out the window.
It was one of these buggers: http://www.msstate.edu/org/mississippientmuseum/images/Hutchinsphotos/lucanid.jpg

You are lucky it didn't fling you out of the window. As you can see in the pic, flinging things is their specialty.

did it leave a mark?

Nothing major, I kept dropping it each time it bit. Despite their size, I don't think those jaws are really all that capable of decent biting, male stag beetles use them to fight each other mostly. They're meant to be an endangered species here, but I was used to seeing them occasionally back home since we lived next to an old oak forest.