It was darker than a...
It was a cold and lonesome night, and all through the house...
There I was cleaning my weapon in my sleeping quarters, and outside it was darker than a black piano in a pitch black room. I hear my pants vibrate and I go to investigate. Two missed parchment messages on my enchanted messenger device from Sir Clutter. Sighing and moaning I continued polishing my pistol. Sometime later as I lay exhausted from the effort on my bed I heard a ringalinging at my dingalingadong near the front of my abode. "Are you coming down or are they coming up?" Asked the wise sage...
"I am quite sure I am undressed, so they can come up if they like."
As they came into view I recognized them as Sir Clutter and The Honorable Fandom Pakok.
"Greetings Spook we bring you tidings of a trip to the entertainment guild to acquire intellectual sustenance!" Sir Clutter sounded off.
"Holla!" I replied. "What are thouest buying?"
"Something I don't need, and something for which I surely have no use!" He chuckled.
"Sounds like a fine quest, let me dress myself!" I replied, stuffing my manparts into my unusually small women's trousers.
As we departed I related my story from the previous night of debauchery in which, well, you can watch this video if you desire to know more.
We proceeded to the entertainment guild, which is unfortunately lacking in attractive female staff as of late. None the less Sir Clutter managed to buy something absolutely unneccesary while Fandom Pakok and I caroused the selection of Firefly DVD.
"Oh dash it all, I need but another piece of the jewel shard to allow me to complete my quest in Hi Def! We must proceed across the highest mountain range, through thundering blizzards, past murdering hordes of orcs and climb the tallest tower to save the lovely prince!"
"Princess?" We queried in unison?
"No, Prince." He replied.
And so, upon reaching our destination, we were informed that another location of that particular franchise possessed that particular brand of male-female adapter for the USB jewel shard, while the one we were currently at was out of stock. We asked the quest master what we should do, and he directed us to a shoppe on either Fort Union Boulevard or 90th south.
And so! We left on our quest, dismayed that there was neither handsome prince nor slutty STD free princess for our abuse present, and began the long journey to Fort Union. Unfortunately we were unaware of the actual location of Fort Union and ended up on the other side of the great valley.
Frustration mounting, we continued to the 90th south location. At this point the madness of the journey overtook mine brain and I had to be lashed down to the back of the cabby and pleasured by a random peasant girl we picked up, lest I destroy everything around me. In the process I broke a nail.
With triumph! We obtained the jewel shard. On the way home, we stopped at Ye Olde Harmon's Market to refuel our horse. Fandom Pakok and I both browsed the cheese selection and chose a particularly pungent cheese called "Drunken Goat". Also purchased were some table water biscuits.
Sir Clutter filled the horse and picked us up promptly outside, and due to his occupation as a boxen throweree, he was required to depart to make it to this engagement. Fandom Pakok payed the cashy with our gold and I retreated to my house and ate fine asian cuisine. We then entered Fandom Pakok's dungeon to plan our night's evils. The first order of business was to take a quest from the Dark Brotherhood!
Hence we were told to drop a dead animal face upon Elvis. On the way to complete this quest, I stopped by one of my girlfriend's houses. I entered into her chamber and we made love. Or we were going to until I insisted that we use nutella for lube, which she found vulgar and repulsive. Upon feeling dejected at my failure to seduce the beautiful Spacejewasian, we continued to the house in question.
Unfortunately the nature of the mission required that it be done stealthily. My usual approach was useless. I much prefer to bang things until they open up and scream for mercy, regardless of whether or not they have a ball gag in their mouth. Fandom Pakok and I attempted to pick the lock but kept pressing the A button on our lock pick at incorrect times. This resulted in many broken lockpicks. We had to venture to a secluded pirate kingdom and rain the lone naked woman's boat to obtain more lock picks. You would think that more pirates would have lock picks, and that the ship of all nude female pirates would be the LAST group needing lockpicks. However I speak sooth.
We rode gallantly back to the home of our target and tried repeatedly to kill the principal but kept failing, as his manservant (giggle) was "intensely" "devoted" to his "master". (giggle) We finally succeded and made our way to the cellar in order to make a speedy and silent escape. However, I discovered a large wine rack.
Being an alcoholic I could not but consume the lot of the cheap wine, as well as the exceedingly rare brews that Fandom Pakok had stolen from the naked pirate women. I also attempted to pick up everything in the basement. Failing this I dropped everything I owned. Knowing that the manservant (giggle) still lurked upstairs mourning his desecrated (giggle) master (giggle) I stripped all my clothes off down to my jock sock that I purchased from the Internation Male catalog and burst into the room. He let out a groan of surprise (giggle) and lifted his body from that of his master (giggle).
I shrieked the shriek of a scared little girl and fled the scene. Coming across a particularly mannish woman or womanly man I punched her square in the face and continued. Having run about in the snow naked already recently I decided to return to the scene of the crime like a dog to it's vomit. Upon entering I searched the now violated (giggle) corpse of the master of the house, and found that he had blue suede shoes and a blue vest. Knowing that I could never wear clothes again, I donned the blue suede shoes and booked it for the heezy. I wished I had kept my gat yo, but all that weight would have held me down from my quest anyway. I strode longer and longer, my jock sock flopping valiantly in the wind. Through the gates of the hood I burst and saw a black and white painted horse of a law man.
He jumped astride it and chose the dialog that allowed me to resist arrest. I nonchalantly galloped out of the now panicked town, contemplating what possible news articles the residents of the world would read of my exploits. I me tup with Fandom Pakok and we rode until we heard voices. We logically ditched our ride and went all tactical n **** and ****in took off till we didnt hera dem no mer. We finally travelled to the guildmaster and prepared to present our success. Unfortunately, I laid my eyes upon a girl named Darla, ooh that girl look nice. Well I cast my hands upon her, and the trouble, soon began, and ol Fandom learned a lesson bouta messin with the wife of a jealous man. The flames charred my flesh, her punches bruised my loins and I loved every minute of it.
The end.
Questions? Comments? Concerns?
Disucss!
It was a cold and lonesome night, and all through the house...
There I was cleaning my weapon in my sleeping quarters, and outside it was darker than a black piano in a pitch black room. I hear my pants vibrate and I go to investigate. Two missed parchment messages on my enchanted messenger device from Sir Clutter. Sighing and moaning I continued polishing my pistol. Sometime later as I lay exhausted from the effort on my bed I heard a ringalinging at my dingalingadong near the front of my abode. "Are you coming down or are they coming up?" Asked the wise sage...
"I am quite sure I am undressed, so they can come up if they like."
As they came into view I recognized them as Sir Clutter and The Honorable Fandom Pakok.
"Greetings Spook we bring you tidings of a trip to the entertainment guild to acquire intellectual sustenance!" Sir Clutter sounded off.
"Holla!" I replied. "What are thouest buying?"
"Something I don't need, and something for which I surely have no use!" He chuckled.
"Sounds like a fine quest, let me dress myself!" I replied, stuffing my manparts into my unusually small women's trousers.
As we departed I related my story from the previous night of debauchery in which, well, you can watch this video if you desire to know more.
We proceeded to the entertainment guild, which is unfortunately lacking in attractive female staff as of late. None the less Sir Clutter managed to buy something absolutely unneccesary while Fandom Pakok and I caroused the selection of Firefly DVD.
"Oh dash it all, I need but another piece of the jewel shard to allow me to complete my quest in Hi Def! We must proceed across the highest mountain range, through thundering blizzards, past murdering hordes of orcs and climb the tallest tower to save the lovely prince!"
"Princess?" We queried in unison?
"No, Prince." He replied.
And so, upon reaching our destination, we were informed that another location of that particular franchise possessed that particular brand of male-female adapter for the USB jewel shard, while the one we were currently at was out of stock. We asked the quest master what we should do, and he directed us to a shoppe on either Fort Union Boulevard or 90th south.
And so! We left on our quest, dismayed that there was neither handsome prince nor slutty STD free princess for our abuse present, and began the long journey to Fort Union. Unfortunately we were unaware of the actual location of Fort Union and ended up on the other side of the great valley.
Frustration mounting, we continued to the 90th south location. At this point the madness of the journey overtook mine brain and I had to be lashed down to the back of the cabby and pleasured by a random peasant girl we picked up, lest I destroy everything around me. In the process I broke a nail.
With triumph! We obtained the jewel shard. On the way home, we stopped at Ye Olde Harmon's Market to refuel our horse. Fandom Pakok and I both browsed the cheese selection and chose a particularly pungent cheese called "Drunken Goat". Also purchased were some table water biscuits.
Sir Clutter filled the horse and picked us up promptly outside, and due to his occupation as a boxen throweree, he was required to depart to make it to this engagement. Fandom Pakok payed the cashy with our gold and I retreated to my house and ate fine asian cuisine. We then entered Fandom Pakok's dungeon to plan our night's evils. The first order of business was to take a quest from the Dark Brotherhood!
Hence we were told to drop a dead animal face upon Elvis. On the way to complete this quest, I stopped by one of my girlfriend's houses. I entered into her chamber and we made love. Or we were going to until I insisted that we use nutella for lube, which she found vulgar and repulsive. Upon feeling dejected at my failure to seduce the beautiful Spacejewasian, we continued to the house in question.
Unfortunately the nature of the mission required that it be done stealthily. My usual approach was useless. I much prefer to bang things until they open up and scream for mercy, regardless of whether or not they have a ball gag in their mouth. Fandom Pakok and I attempted to pick the lock but kept pressing the A button on our lock pick at incorrect times. This resulted in many broken lockpicks. We had to venture to a secluded pirate kingdom and rain the lone naked woman's boat to obtain more lock picks. You would think that more pirates would have lock picks, and that the ship of all nude female pirates would be the LAST group needing lockpicks. However I speak sooth.
We rode gallantly back to the home of our target and tried repeatedly to kill the principal but kept failing, as his manservant (giggle) was "intensely" "devoted" to his "master". (giggle) We finally succeded and made our way to the cellar in order to make a speedy and silent escape. However, I discovered a large wine rack.
Being an alcoholic I could not but consume the lot of the cheap wine, as well as the exceedingly rare brews that Fandom Pakok had stolen from the naked pirate women. I also attempted to pick up everything in the basement. Failing this I dropped everything I owned. Knowing that the manservant (giggle) still lurked upstairs mourning his desecrated (giggle) master (giggle) I stripped all my clothes off down to my jock sock that I purchased from the Internation Male catalog and burst into the room. He let out a groan of surprise (giggle) and lifted his body from that of his master (giggle).
I shrieked the shriek of a scared little girl and fled the scene. Coming across a particularly mannish woman or womanly man I punched her square in the face and continued. Having run about in the snow naked already recently I decided to return to the scene of the crime like a dog to it's vomit. Upon entering I searched the now violated (giggle) corpse of the master of the house, and found that he had blue suede shoes and a blue vest. Knowing that I could never wear clothes again, I donned the blue suede shoes and booked it for the heezy. I wished I had kept my gat yo, but all that weight would have held me down from my quest anyway. I strode longer and longer, my jock sock flopping valiantly in the wind. Through the gates of the hood I burst and saw a black and white painted horse of a law man.
He jumped astride it and chose the dialog that allowed me to resist arrest. I nonchalantly galloped out of the now panicked town, contemplating what possible news articles the residents of the world would read of my exploits. I me tup with Fandom Pakok and we rode until we heard voices. We logically ditched our ride and went all tactical n **** and ****in took off till we didnt hera dem no mer. We finally travelled to the guildmaster and prepared to present our success. Unfortunately, I laid my eyes upon a girl named Darla, ooh that girl look nice. Well I cast my hands upon her, and the trouble, soon began, and ol Fandom learned a lesson bouta messin with the wife of a jealous man. The flames charred my flesh, her punches bruised my loins and I loved every minute of it.
The end.
Questions? Comments? Concerns?
Disucss!
Epstein didn't kill himself.
