I just decided to sit down and write today, I need some help getting it reviewed, here it is:

Bisu laid his hand upon tastless's chin and signaled for him to rise. Their eyes were forever locked in a prolific embrace. As both gamers stood in front of each other,they could no longer contain within themselves the feelings they struggled with for so long. Tasteless made the first rush of fate and pushed his lips upon the supple forehead of Bisu. Bisu received the tender kiss and motioned his arms around tasteless. This moment of intimate embrace would forever be imbued into the mind of tasteless and without a second thought he seized the moment to lower himself onto his knees. Bisu knew at once the fellatio pleasures that awaited him, and closed his eyes eagerly awaiting his lengthy, meaty girth to be inserted into the oral crevices of his partner. Tasteless may be considered an amateur among Koreans in StarCraft, but he is held in high accounts for his ability with the tongue and saliva. Similar to a maestro conducting a symphony, tasteless guided the urethra belonging to Bisu around his mouth so elegantly. The moans Bisu unleashed may have well been heard from overseas, for this was a pleasure that far surpassed his expectations.

So uh, tell me what you guys think :).

That was gay.

Come on man, I'm trying to get some serious advice on my writing.

Here's what I recommend:



Or possibly



Or the classy and reliable

Pronouns are your friend.

Don't be afraid to enlengthen your sentences.

Too short.

Example you may find useful:

"How little our love can mean when
Our own kind promote such hate and
If our kind promote such hate then
Can we love at all

We can't forget the truth of us
There's not much common between but
I'm sure our love mean so much yes
I know we can do

I've found compassion in me it's
State of grime and crust controlled but
It still produce love for thee and
I know you're my love

I repeated the rhymes, I repeated the rhythms in my head, ensuring lack of flaw. I gave a satisfactory smile as I creased the paper as I had always, and placed it into another envelope. I reclined back into the solid chair, slightly raising it's front legs, and I let my upper back scrape the stone wall behind me. I secured my small collection of belongings, holding them near to my chest, as I opened my ears to listen to everything. I changed my thoughts to allow through the voice of others, although times like these had a peculiar frequency to beat apart my connection to most everyone. I found that the more closely I observed others, the more I despised them..

The first voice to enter my ear was that of a despicable orc, his barbarous mannerisms infected the room with displeasure. I mentally droned out his booming voice, directing my attention to other, more pleasant persons. Directly next to me sat a rather young Draenei couple, full of the joys and awards of new love. Although I understood very broken draenei, I still patiently listened to their conversation, heart warmed with the knowledge that these people were in true love. The male spoke with a voice of respect to his mate, a sign of inner beauty I could only congratulate. After spending several minutes of being obsessed with this indulgence, I took to listening to crowds I can only describe as darker.

I focused my hearing upon two night elves, these two were sitting away some distance more than the draenei. Their voices were just barely out of audible range; however, I could vaguely understand his words by reading the motions of his lips. As I began to grow in understanding of what they were saying, the euphoric happiness left, and the grave realization of the evils of the average soul once again possessed my mind. I collected in my head several terms used to describe the females of their race, none of which I would ever consider fit for Aerquis's ears, in growing disappointment for these elves and their discriminatory attitude.

I eared over several tables, listening for conversations that appealed to me. There wasn't much to hook my interest, until I heard the growling, belching voice of the now accompanied orc. His voice annoying remained at one volume, despite what he was talking about, or who he was talking to. He had engaged in conversation with whom I could presume to be his friends. I listened in contempt to their conversation, which resulted in immediate repulsion of their talk. Their stories followed the roads of a usual orc's tales, talk of violence, rape, and all things unconceivable by my standards. Every demeaning and violent word said crinkled my face further and further into disgust, and crushed my spirit into depression. I suddenly, through the midst of my mental ordeal, remembered Aerquis. Reviewing images of her beautiful face erased the remnants of these horrid stories, at the least temporarily, for soon I grew intensely afraid that she could fall victim to the same crimes as apparently several other of her kind were forced to suffer through. I lifted myself from the seat, it's frontal supports clomping into the floor, as I navigated the sporadicly placed tables towards the exit.

I passed around the crowds of blood elves, directing myself back towards my home. The courtyards were not full at this hour, but I still felt drowned among the people. I needed to escape this madness, the noises, the voices. I was still in slight torment of what I had recently listened to as I crossed the threshold into my home, and then laid my recent works onto the table I used to dine at, joining their descent with my own. I stared at the comforter of my bed, replaying the image of Aerquis sleeping, and felt light hearted again, I felt the burden of knowledge lifted. I could see her womanly curves beneath the blankets, the gentle rise and fall of her chest and stomach as she breathed, her peacefulness emanating across the whole room. I wanted to go hold her, to protect her from what she could not protect herself against, I wanted her to feel the intense love I felt for her, I wanted her.

Pushing aside mental desires, I prepared myself for sleep, first by stripping myself of all but my undergarments, and secondly by placing the discarded clothing at a location, only to be washed the next morning. The layers of sheets felt cool as I entered, the fresh, soft cloth made me shudder in quick delight, before I felt once again the burning desire for Aerquis. The aroma of her hair flooded my memories, the residual feeling of her skin beneath mine intruded my thoughts. I laid in bed, unable to sleep, silently tortured by her, ever so silently...."

Well, Massassi isn't exactly geared toward literature critique. Perhaps a site such as FanFiction.net would be better suited to the display of your work. If you decide to post it again on Massassi, the Showcase would be a more appropriate forum.

That said, you seem to have a gift, though I feel your work could be improved through the addition of subtle Marxist overtones.

I... I just don't know what to say.

To day be Saturday

Oh funny, edit my post in your quote to make it look like I made a typo.

hey, neat. it puts a little note on there saying when you edit a post

That was a totally unrelated edit.

You sir, are a literary genius.

I think Weavile sucks hard.

If you were going with non-first generation, you could have picked a lot better.

Like Zangoose.

Or Gardevoir.