I knew I'd find a fair few of them here...

I'm writing a semi-formal piece on the moral lessons a character has learned through the novel, and I am having specific trouble with one phrase in particular:

'In the novel the protagonist learns many lessons about life. The most important of these lessons by far is the many ways in which one's moral behavior affects those surrounding....'

Following the ..., what should come next? One? One self? :-' they sound awkward...

Also, I have heard that you are not supposed to use any reference to anyone...(ie you, yourself, one..etc)in writing... Is this true?

Any nit-picking is welcome, so long as it is in reference to the phrase in question, and not the over all grammar in my post. ^_~

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Tell me not in mournful numbers, Life is but an empty dream, For the soul is dead that slumbers, and things are not as they seem. Life is real, Life is ernest, the grave is not it's goal; Dust thou art, Dust thou returnest, Was not spoken of the soul.
~William Shakespeare

[This message has been edited by Silent_Rhapsody (edited August 07, 2004).]

[Edit: Me so dumb]

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(>º_º)> ±h³ ѳv³®-£ⁿd¡תּ9 §±ºr¥ <(º_º< ) | (>º_º)> תּℓζ ШǿѓЖ§|-Юρ <(º_º< )

[This message has been edited by SAJN_Master (edited August 07, 2004).]

him

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WAITER: Here’s your green salad, sir.
ANAKIN: What? You fool, I told you NO CROUTONS! Aaaaaaargh!

One or onself would be appropriate.

What you are to avoid using generally are first and second person pronouns, one is ambiguous third and so, while somewhat awkward at times, generally will work for you.

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[Blue Mink Bifocals !] [fsck -Rf /world/usr/] [<!-- kalimonster -->] [Capite Terram]
"That's why we had to beat you with tennis rackets".
NPC.Interact::PressButton($'Submit');

Is this for high school, college, university? You can get away with more depending on where you are. One-self would be what you would put instead of one though. (someone correct me if I'm wrong, I've been speaking Spanish the last two years and haven't taken an English class yet to refresh my memory)

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Wisdom is the correct application of knowledge.

He already used 'one' in the same sentence. Using it again would sound horrible.

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WAITER: Here’s your green salad, sir.
ANAKIN: What? You fool, I told you NO CROUTONS! Aaaaaaargh!

This is for high school. I agree that using one again would sound horrible, and I'm not sure about one self... it still seems awkward. 'Him' would be okay to use, but it just sounds...wrong. :/
/awaits more replies...


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Tell me not in mournful numbers, Life is but an empty dream, For the soul is dead that slumbers, and things are not as they seem. Life is real, Life is ernest, the grave is not it's goal; Dust thou art, Dust thou returnest, Was not spoken of the soul.
~William Shakespeare

I think pretty much anything would sound awkward. Maybe you should just reformulate that sentence.

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WAITER: Here’s your green salad, sir.
ANAKIN: What? You fool, I told you NO CROUTONS! Aaaaaaargh!

Since you're talking about the protagonist, you can use him/her without any problem.

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I'm not an actor. I just play one on TV.

Do it.

"Lessons by far" is redundant. "These" already refers to the lessons, and "by far" is just sloppy and excessive. You could just contract the 2 sentences into one:

In the novel the protagonist learns many lessons about life, the most important of which is the many ways moral behaviour can affect those surrounding one's-self.

Of course now I'm rewriting the sentence for you, which isn't what the editor is supposed to do...

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The Massassi-Map
There is no spoon.

[This message has been edited by Spork (edited August 07, 2004).]

Yeah, but if he is writing a essay word limit-wise, he can keep it as it is if he is short on words and just stick one's self or one's-self at the end of it.

[This message has been edited by CavEmaN (edited August 07, 2004).]

Well, in that sentence, you are using a method which is often looked down on: announcing. I got a bit of flak and changed my writing style after this knowledge.

I make no guarantees.

In the novel, the protagonist learns many lessons about life. Of these lessons, the knowledge of the effects of moral behavior on those in one's proximity is the most poignant.

Pardon me. It's late.

[Dang, that's bad. I'll leave it there for your amusement.]

[This message has been edited by Hebedee (edited August 07, 2004).]

How about just removing "one's?"

"The most important of these lessons by far is the many ways in which moral behavior affects those surrounding oneself."

Or you could just use "him."

You might want to change surrounding with around. Surrounding (at least to me) gives a wierd angle on it.

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For a healty meal, eat mashed potatoes, peas, and catloaf.
Massassi's cuttin' into my free time, man.
Valuable Life Lesson: Frog + Potato Gun = Blindness
Worship Examples - Christians' love for God should be seen and heard, not merely talked about. It is through actions that one is determined to be Christian, not through words. Words (and thoughts, as well) deceive even one's own self, but the heart speaks truth.

[This message has been edited by DogSRoOL (edited August 07, 2004).]

[...]

[This message has been edited by DogSRoOL (edited August 07, 2004).]

"In the novel" needs to have a comma after it, I thinks.

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Prowling out of the tundra, swinging a jeweled meat hammer, cometh Outlaw Torn! And he gives a gutteral bellow:

"I'm seriously going to hump you until you scream like a banshee!"

Spork's the man. With his sage advice in hand, here's my take on it:

The first sentence is totally unnecessary. It's just fluff. Take it out. Combine both thoughts into one by making protagonist the subject of the sentence. Next, take a look at this jumbled mess I snipped out of your second sentence:

"...of these lessons by far is the way in which..."

This is too wordy. Consider replacing this with lesson the protagonist learns is how or something simpler to that effect. If you insist on using the old format, remember that "by far" is a non-defining relative clause, so you need commas surrounding it. It should be:

"The most important of these lessons, by far, is the..."

The only other advice I can give you is to change the pronouns to him, himself, etc. It's okay to use those when you're describing characters in a novel. What you want to avoid is "I think..", "to me...", etc.

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Have a good one,
Freelancer

+1
Use him, or her (it flows best, and is grammatically appropriate since you're referring to a specific person. ie:

'In the novel, the protagonist learns many lessons about life. The most important of these lessons reveals to him the many ways in which his moral behavior affects those arround him'

That's how I'd suggest it.. I rephrased slightly, but left in the important parts, and made the sentence flow better. Also, I would avoid using one/oneself in an essay unless you are *very* familiar with their usage.

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If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

Now the Grammar natzi's will have a flame war about which is right. A well grammered flame war, but a flame war nonetheless.

[This message has been edited by Obi_Kwiet (edited August 08, 2004).]

Most of them are correct. People write with different styles, protecting that style while still maintaining a decent standard of grammar is the role of the noble Grammar Nazi

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The Massassi-Map
There is no spoon.

It really doesn't matter how it sounds in an essay/composition. Grammatically, you just have to pick one tense and stay with it. "One" is the third person singular, and implies no gender. In place of "one" or "oneself" (which I think is fine), you could use "a person"/"the person," or "him or her."

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Steal my dreams and sell them back to me.....

[This message has been edited by Bounty Hunter 4 hire (edited August 08, 2004).]